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put me in coach
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Mar 4, 2021 01:37
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boar guy posted:i think 3k words is more than reasonable and 1500 of them adverbs
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Mar 6, 2021 02:43
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i got my story bones together and have only deleted 2-3x as much as is still on the page so thats Progress.
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Mar 6, 2021 03:38
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golly i hope the judges weren't expecting or hoping for the stories to actually be good or anything e: bad timing posting that right after the first story. i'm talking about MY story being bad
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Mar 6, 2021 04:27
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Orange Blossoms and Cheap Cigarettes Word Count: 790 Something held me tightly to the floor of this car, or van, or whatever it was. From the sounds of the engine and the smell of the rust, I could tell it was on its last legs. I’d woken up in that position and spent what must have been an hour struggling in vain at my restraints, trying to be heard. My head ached, and I couldn’t recall how I’d gotten to this point. I finally stopped struggling, instead staring down at the dime-sized glimpses of asphalt racing along below. I began trying to work out how I’d gotten here. I’d been pretty drunk last night, at the local “Saloon” as it was so quaintly termed. There’d been a woman.. Blonde. We’d ended up back at my hotel room with a bottle of tequila. Straight tequila. From there, things became a blur. There'd been some tying up. I was.. angry for some reason. Was she a pro? I kept trying to pull details, but nothing was coming I opened my eyes again. It was darker out, late afternoon, perhaps, but we were still on the move. Had I fallen asleep? The pavement beneath us looked in even worse repair than whatever rust bucket we were in. My headache had cleared a bit, but I was getting thirsty. And something in here was starting to smell. I gave a few more tentative sniffs, and felt a chill go down my spine. There was another scent I hadn’t noticed, an intermingling of orange blossoms and cheap cigarettes. A scam. It had been a scam. She'd tied me up, acting the part of the local girl looking for something adventurous. But she'd been there for my wallet, nothing more. I got a little mad. Pulled on the ties, and found I was quite a bit stronger than she had planned for. They snapped easily. I raised out of the bed suddenly, shocking her looking through my bags. Her saying she had family nearby, that they'd kill me if anything happened to her. And then there was Violence. As the memories started coming back, I held my eyes closed. It felt like the space had become smaller still. I had to get out of here. I had to. I began struggling with real strength, with a fervor I’d never felt before. Finally, the restraint on my right leg loosened, and I could finally move it, at least a little. It was awkward, but after a few minutes, I gained enough leverage to begin rolling my restraints against the floor. Finally, with a shake, I freed my right leg, pulling it back to try and get at the other restraints. My struggles had left me weaker than I expected, and my leg came down harder than I’d intended. A metal whining sound, like tearing two pieces of metal apart, rang through the enclosure. My binds loosened further still. I could move my left leg now, the one that ran with goosebumps, the one sliding against… I stopped and closed my eyes, holding them tight and breathing heavily through my nose, getting more light-headed. Praying no one else had heard that sound, I tried desperately to free my arms. It was more difficult, and my legs were nearly useless here. In desperation, I tried pushing myself forward, my tied hands against the ground. Another sound, different, like an old gate finally giving way, and I could suddenly feel air rushing between my legs. I found myself turned to the side, face to face with the reason for my predicament. I only had a second to look at her face, so peaceful now, before a final creak heralded in the end of my time in that place. She slipped slipped through the hole, held up from the pavement only by my weight and the straps binding us together. I couldn’t hold on. The straps grew heavier and heavier, as though she willed them to pull us together again. It was too much. I grew nearer and nearer to the hole. Had the driver not noticed they’d lost a big chunk of the rust holding this thing together? I should never have come to that town. It had seemed as good as any other along the high-way, full of country folk and with the one motel to speak of. And one pretty blonde, smelling faintly of orange blossoms. She dragged me further still. The pavement still rushed by below, baking hot from the desert sun. Finally, I reached the edge, but was blessedly caught on something. Any second, the driver would slow down. I held on. I prayed. A final crack sounded, and I was pulled in to cold arms and the abrasive heat of the road below.
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Mar 6, 2021 04:44
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i noticed several fuckups plot wise/missing things that i needed to put in immediately after i posted. i dont know why posting it made them all immediately obvious 
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Mar 6, 2021 05:02
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Mr. Steak posted:i just realized the stories would be copy-pasted so rip to the one (1) italicized word in my story pasting in here hosed up my paragraph breaks real bad, so i ended up having to gently caress with that in preview for a while. i don't think i'll use word for this next time.
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Mar 6, 2021 05:07
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The short time limit really pushed me to actually complete a story. I'll definitely be back for more of these.
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Mar 6, 2021 06:10
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| # ¿ May 19, 2024 14:24 |
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Ironic Twist posted:I will give an in-depth critique to anyone who asks for one. I would happily accept more criticism. From you or others. I was focused on getting the story straight and incorporating the rust theme in an interesting way. Thank you Chili for the critique. I agree there needed to be more fleshing out of the protag to make it more engaging.
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Mar 6, 2021 08:45
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