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making woosh noises as i do ninja moves around my dads room, dodging sick traps as i creep into his closet looking for the hidden treasure: a dog-eared BUDK catalog
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Feb 25, 2021 17:43
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| # ¿ Jun 2, 2024 19:10 |
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clutching it to my chest i scamper down the hallway on all fours as my parents sit in stoic silence, maintaining unbroken eye contact with the melting, candlelike visage of Andy Rooney. i slam my door behind me and cackle. i shove my legos under my bed in a grandiose double-armed sweeping motion and sit in the center of what looks like a tornado disaster zone as my eyes bulge completely out of their sockets, sliding over the cheapest possible direct mail print paper hoping to absorb the glory faster. i sucked my eyes back into my skull like testes fleeing cold water, making a noise akin to a shop vac devouring an entire cafeteria steam tray of spaghetti bolognese. having memorized the appearance and description of every single object for sale, my head cocks back and i begin vividly hallucinating every possible combat application of these tools available to me. I dissociate so hard envisioning wave after wave of ninja crawling through my bedroom window, spiderlike, which i dispatch expertly with my matching Fire & Ice Twinblade Tactical Machetes. a flock of Spying Pidgeons roosting by the bus stop is pumped full of high-speed copper BBs, fired from a real replica tommy gun. like in the movies. i sit unmoving for eight hours. my mental kill count has reached the millions. i am an enormous robot slicing planets in half with a sword forged out of every sword from every planet i destroy, and with each kill my reach expands, till all of existence has been reduced to a fine mince floating in an utterly silent void. crimes |
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Feb 25, 2021 17:51
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today in Jeet Kune Dirtbag we'll practice concussing ourselves by hitting a car's A-pillar with an aluminum baseball bat.
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Feb 25, 2021 17:53
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redneck martial arts is basically a rock paper scissors of "sweaty grappling" "wildly off-balance haymaker" and "dropkick."
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Feb 25, 2021 18:59
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snergle posted:this really makes the thing i do in long car rides where i pretend im a skateboarding rollerskating ninja fliping and grinding over the terrain seem sane and also increadibly lame. i aspire to your level of imagination. i want a 2d sidescroller where you have to hop between guard rail/building awning/power lines and throw ninja stars at oncoming enemies (mustache men, evil landlords, fell birds) snergle the secret is you have to basically accept that life is cringe, and to grasp that fact and break through your Absolute Terror field into the Realms Beyond crimes |
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Feb 26, 2021 15:14
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