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Das Boo posted:When I was 7, I went on a family vacation to Florida. We met my dad's work friend, Jeffrey, down there and he took us out on his boat for a day trip on Lake Monroe. Florida in the summer is sweltering, so we asked him if there were any alligators in the lake. "Nope." We jump in and get towed behind the boat via rope for a bit. Suddenly, we're told to get back in the boat. No one would tell me why. drat, Das Boo was almost Das Food
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Mar 7, 2021 22:02
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Doctor Dogballs posted:drat, Das Boo was almost Das Food It's weird how you normalize poo poo. I have fond memories of the whole ordeal. Photo of Jeffrey during the adventure ('95):  And his mugshot:   Looks like I was wrong; his release date is in 2029. Content: My cat likes to do quick patrols at night, and if she's not back in 10 minutes I know she's probably exploring the Quonset hut. I walked down to fetch her one night, didn't have my flashlight on and was just enjoying the stars. I suddenly hear heavyish footprints beating towards me (heavier than a cat) and I freeze. I'm trying to figure out if the dogs were out, that can't be the cat, not a deer, what is happening? I see brown paws rushing at me from out of the darkness and at the last minute they break into two, veering off on either side of me. I got charged by coyotes. My cat was fine, btw, right where I expected her to be. I carried her home.
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Mar 7, 2021 22:44
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On a similar note to my second visit to Ireland: my dad and my brother and I were driving down a narrow road to I don't recall where, and a big rear end mac truck came around the corner into our lane and my dad had to veer into the stone wall by the roadside to avoid a head-on crash. it destroyed the front left wheel and door. we made it up the road a bit to a farm house, and they were nice enough to drive us into Tralee, where we could get another car. also while we were there we went to a pub and an American woman was bombed as poo poo and roamed around outside shouting "WE'RE IN IRELAND" to everyone that was around or walked by. I also met John Hannah at that pub, we hung out and chatted and listened to the band, so that was cool. to tie back in to my Aran Islands anecdote, the lady who ran the bed and breakfast where we were staying near the shore had a daughter who was super hot to 18-old me, and I helped her iron some bed linens while attempting to chat her up. i never got her number
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Mar 8, 2021 00:08
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I have a friend named Joe. He’s crazy, owns three houses and has 40 cats, but he means well. He just was mentally destroyed when his house burned down, and has never gotten over it. He can’t even talk about it without choking up. I met him through work, and didn’t really know much about him until we grabbed a beer together one day. It was around the time portal 2 was a popular game. So he starts talking with extreme emotion about the fire. Literally almost in tears. I look down, and realize I’m wearing a T-shirt that says “Cave Johnson’s Lemon Grenades: When Life Gives You Lemons, You Burn Life’s House Down”. I don’t wear that shirt much anymore.
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Mar 8, 2021 00:58
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laserghost posted:Some years ago, one day, on early morning, I was walking to my morning train to my lovely mall cop job, when suddenly a headache hit me so bad, I actually loving grabbed my head like I was physically hit. The pain was incredible, and located somewhere in right temple. Persisting, I went aboard the train. After 10 minutes, the pain was starting to become so unbearingly bad, I started asking other passengers if somebody has any painkillers. Nobody had, it was really early in the morning and we were outside the larger towns. So I got out on my station, and started slowly walking towards the mall where I was working, thinking how I am going to survive next 15 hours. The moment I approached the final road crossing to the mall, I poo poo you not, I heard a quiet "pop" in my head, and the pain just went away in a moment, surprisingly not ending with me having apoplexia and being paralyzed for rest of my life. the hamster unstuck the wheel, is my guess
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Mar 8, 2021 01:35
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I once dug a hole that's still visible on google earth.
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Mar 8, 2021 01:46
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Back in high school, there was a big band/strings/choir trip to Ireland to play at some competition. I didn’t go, because it was something like $2000 and my parents weren’t willing to pay for it. The teachers who stayed behind arranged a trip to a couple theme parks in southern CA for the kids who didn’t go. This was in AZ, so it was only about an 8 hour drive. We were told to meet at school at 10 PM. My friend and I stopped at an Albertson’s down the street from the school to get snacks for the trip. We were wandering through the produce section, and saw an enormous display of watermelons. It was fairly late at night, and not many people were around. He picked up a watermelon, and jokingly acted like he was going to toss it to me. I spread my arms and pretended to be ready to catch it. For whatever reason, he actually threw it. I panicked and kind of froze for a second, then ran around the corner into one of the aisles. It seemed like an eternity before it finally splattered on the floor. We nonchalantly made our way down to the candy aisle, grabbed a bunch of crap, and got in line to check out. As we were heading out the door, we heard over the PA, “we need a clean-up in produce... and call security.” It was funny as hell and we still joke about it, but looking back I feel like a real piece of poo poo.
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Mar 8, 2021 02:08
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Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:I once dug a hole that's still visible on google earth. Cool! You reminded me that the Google Streetview car recorded me walking to work (a long time ago, maybe 2008ish? So you could find me lumbering up the Streetview for quite awhile there. I can't find it now.)
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Mar 8, 2021 02:35
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Years ago a bunch of us stopped at an all night Walmart after bar hopping and for some reason I still had my box cutter in my back pocket from work and I helped some third shift restocker who was on break by cutting the tops off of his pallet of boxes for him.
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Mar 8, 2021 02:39
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BEWARE SOME PERSONS ARE SCAMS AND THEIR TESTIMONIES OF SPELL CASTERS MUST BE IGNORED. Dr Goodluck is the real spell caster. I tried all those people and I was really scammed until one day I came crying to my friend asking to help me with my confusion. She later told me about Dr Goodluck which my mind really urged me to give a try. She testified about how Dr Goodluck brought back her Ex-lover in less than 3 days and reversed the effect of her lost womb, and at the end of her story she gave me Dr Goodluck email address. I decided to give Dr Goodluck a try though with doubt. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my Hubby came begging. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than before, am pregnant now to God be the glory. Dr Goodluck is really a gifted man and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... Come to think of it I didn't pay much and all I have to do is tell the world about this wonderful man. Even my pastor said that God works mysteriously, that some men are used by God to help others. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Contact Dr Goodluck anytime, he is the answer to your problems. He do cast the spell as following (1) If you want your ex back. (2) you need a divorce in your relationship (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women & amp; men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9) Herbal care Contact him today on:drextrapowerghost@gmail.com Dr Goodluck
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Mar 8, 2021 02:46
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During college I was drunkenly stumbling into my house one night I came across a possum on our back porch. I thought it was a good idea to try and scare it off. Yelling at it to shoo and fake “charging” at it yielded no results. It defiantly stood there staring at me. Not wanting to be bested by this stubborn possum I pulled out my dick and started to pee on it. It just sat there and took a full face blasting of piss. Kinda growled a little. Eventually it scurried off and feeling quite victorious I decided to gloat and proclaim “King of the jungle my rear end!” and went inside.
George H.W. Cunt fucked around with this message at 02:55 on Mar 8, 2021 |
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Mar 8, 2021 02:52
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BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:BEWARE SOME PERSONS ARE SCAMS AND THEIR TESTIMONIES OF SPELL CASTERS MUST BE IGNORED. Dr Goodluck is the real spell caster. I tried all those people and I was really scammed until one day I came crying to my friend asking to help me with my confusion. She later told me about Dr Goodluck which my mind really urged me to give a try. She testified about how Dr Goodluck brought back her Ex-lover in less than 3 days and reversed the effect of her lost womb, and at the end of her story she gave me Dr Goodluck email address. I decided to give Dr Goodluck a try though with doubt. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my Hubby came begging. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than before, am pregnant now to God be the glory. Dr Goodluck is really a gifted man and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... Come to think of it I didn't pay much and all I have to do is tell the world about this wonderful man. Even my pastor said that God works mysteriously, that some men are used by God to help others. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Contact Dr Goodluck anytime, he is the answer to your problems. He do cast the spell as following (1) If you want your ex back. (2) you need a divorce in your relationship (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women & amp; men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9) Herbal care Contact him today on:drextrapowerghost@gmail.com Dr Goodluck
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Mar 8, 2021 03:03
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One time I was pissing off the top of a hill and my friend pushed me and I rolled down the hill and got poison ivy on my dick and balls.
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Mar 8, 2021 03:07
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When I was in highschool I had a friend who was determined to lose his virginity as fast as possible, but he could never seal the deal because as he put it, "my dick too big" No one believed him until he got pantsed one day, underwear and all. He had the biggest ding dong I have ever seen in person, and I somehow doubt I will ever see one bigger irl We called him godzilla-dick after that and he grew up to be a very responsible, chill guy and a good dad.
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Mar 8, 2021 03:13
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Around Christmas five years ago, I was alone in my apartment and the tornado sirens started going off. I rounded up my two cats and shut them and myself in the closet under the stairs. Unfortunately this is also where the litterbox was kept. One of the cats decided this was the perfect time to take a really gnarly poo poo. The sirens stayed on for like an hour, so I had to stay in that stupid closet the entire time. Last week I was in our backyard with the pool maintenace guy, discussing repairs made to the pump system, when a huge loving rock flew over the fence and came dangerously close to braining us. The neighbor kids have found a new game to play, apparently. My partner took the rock next door and calmly informed their mother what had happened and she gave them a hella lecture and made them go inside. Earlier today I was upstairs and could see into their backyard, where the kids were throwing rocks into their own pool because they enjoyed the water splashing. I think they're going to get in trouble again.
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Mar 8, 2021 03:30
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i somehow managed to buy legit cocaine from some random dude on the vegas strip way back in like eh 2011 or 2012? i was very drunk yes
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Mar 8, 2021 03:33
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This thread is just full of anecdotes from my life, all completely true Parts of it are really bad and parts of it are good imo. The best part maybe, I dunno, starts at the bottom of page 5 when I'm when I'm writing about Hummingbird a young alcoholic girl I knew. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3827057 Spinz fucked around with this message at 04:30 on Mar 8, 2021 |
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Mar 8, 2021 04:28
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I just thought of an embarrassing one about myself. I was riding my bike home from school, around 13 years old, with my 8 year old little brother standing on the pegs holding onto me. Part of the route home is a big steep hill, and right at the bottom is a 4 way intersection. Well I've taken this route a million times before and never had a problem, but this was the first time I'd done it with a passenger. I went down the hill and gained a bunch of speed, me and my brother were having a blast. I started trying to brake but the added weight of my brother made them less effective than I was used to, and I couldn't stop in time. I was still going kinda fast when I hit the bottom of the hill and speed into the intersection. There was a car there, but it was slowly rolling over the crosswalk and I slammed into the front-left tire. My brother flew over me and bounced off the hood, and luckily got back up real quick. I sort of slid forward into my handlebars and knocked the wind out of myself. I looked up and the car was full of 20 something blonde girls laughing their asses off at the two kids who just creamed it against their car. It could have ended way worse but instead all that got hurt at all was my pride Punkinhead fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Mar 8, 2021 |
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Mar 8, 2021 04:39
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Once I went out for dinner across the street and a few blocks from my place and I got almost immediate diarrhea after leaving and if there wasn't a subway station bathroom between home and the restaurant I would have publicly poo poo myself. I have never been more thankful for public bathrooms in my life. Spent the whole night sick at home.
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Mar 8, 2021 04:39
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I went to a Catholic high school, and every year our class would go on a one-day retreat. Most of them were uneventful, but sophomore retreat was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. Unlike the other retreats, this one was hosted by a group called Teen Challenge. We knew something was off when the bus rolled up and the Teen Challenge guys had weird makeup on. One guy had flames on his face like a lost member of Kiss. Then the retreat actually starts, and we're treated to fire-and-brimstone sermons about drugs, alcohol, and cutting (which at that point I'd never even heard of), and hell. Us being post-Vatican II Catholic school kids, we were very much not used to this kind of thing. Then we split into groups for even more in-depth conversations about drug abuse and cutting, then gathered back together for the grand finale. This turned out to be a weird interpretive dance passion play, which explained the Kiss makeup. The climax was a girl in a flowing gown being forced by Satan (played by the fiery-faced guy) to hammer the nails into Jesus' hands. At some point, I'm not sure how, she gets a gash on her forehead. Everyone can see drops of blood on her gown. Finally she starts crying, and gets led off into the next room. Someone comes out and assures us she's okay, saying, "Now she's not crying because she's hurt, she's crying because she knows God is with her." The next day, during religion class, the teachers awkwardly apologize for all that. Their explanation: "Now, they were what you call nondenominational." I developed a long-standing mistrust of nondenominationalism from then on. I've also never been to any of the thrift stores Teen Challenge runs around town. A few years ago I ran into an old classmate and asked her what she remembered about this. She said she was on acid the whole time. In case anyone's wondering if this influenced my religious views, I'd say it's hard to tell. I've since converted to Eastern Orthodoxy.
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Mar 8, 2021 05:25
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The Breakfast Sampler posted:Cool! You reminded me that the Google Streetview car recorded me walking to work (a long time ago, maybe 2008ish? So you could find me lumbering up the Streetview for quite awhile there. I can't find it now.) At one point in late 90’s / early 2000’s when StreetView cars were really obvious, my wife and I were working on the house we just bought and I saw one coming. I shouted a warning to my wife (that mystified her), whipped off my shirt and bent over the garden, jerking down my pants to moon the google camera. Our house was a blur on StreetView, which amused me greatly. Oddly enough this confused people when they couldn’t find the house on StreetView when we tried to sell a year later.
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Mar 8, 2021 05:41
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I met Bruce Campbell and he was nice.
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Mar 8, 2021 05:45
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Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:I once dug a hole that's still visible on google earth. I went on google earth and found graffiti I did on a roof thirty years ago. It’s a cool feeling.
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Mar 8, 2021 06:04
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When I was around ten years old my dad (hank hill) would pay me a few bucks to mow the lawn with a lovely old mower. I hated mowing but I wanted the money for arcade games and candy and poo poo. I was out there mowing and the loving thing wouldn’t start. Old school loving gas mower with a rip cord to start it. I was pulling the cord and cussing and trying to get it started. Then a car pulls up and a little old man gets out. Asks me what’s wrong with the mower. He looks at it and says it’s probably the spark plug. He opens the trunk of his car which is full of parts and stuff. He gets out a spark plug and replaces the one on my mower. Starts with one pull. I asked him what do I owe you and he said don’t worry about it. I thanked him, he drove away and I finished the lawn. Later my dad asked me who the hell was that creepy old dude I saw you talking to. You know he could have been a pervert or something. I said no dad i know it sounds crazy but that guy just drove up and fixed the mower for free and left. That’s all it was. The hit movie at the time was Karate Kid and I couldn’t help but think maybe that guy could have trained me to fight bullies or something.
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Mar 8, 2021 06:54
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Remulak posted:At one point in late 90’s / early 2000’s when StreetView cars were really obvious, my wife and I were working on the house we just bought and I saw one coming. I shouted a warning to my wife (that mystified her), whipped off my shirt and bent over the garden, jerking down my pants to moon the google camera. lol
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Mar 8, 2021 07:08
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PinheadSlim posted:I just thought of an embarrassing one about myself. Similar story: I was barreling down a big hill on my bike when I was 11-12 or so, listening to a cassette of Filter (walkmans were better for bike riding because they didn't skip) and I lost control and careened into a mailbox. Luckily it was an old abandoned wooden one that was rotted as poo poo and gave way with little resistance so I walked away with scrapes and bruises and not broken bones. The moment of fear when I realized I was going to hit the mailbox engrained the moment into my brain real good though. I was pedaling as fast as I could with all my weight in top gear down this steep hill (the walkman survived, headphones vanished tho)
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Mar 8, 2021 07:15
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I have the same first and last name as vilerat (there are lots of us) also Das Boo's story is loving nuts Revins fucked around with this message at 07:40 on Mar 8, 2021 |
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Mar 8, 2021 07:29
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Once me and a friend were biking somewhere drunk, and my friend was waxing philosophical about something early 20s guys find poignant. He was biking hands free and using his hands to gesture until suddenly, out of nowhere, his bike abruptly stopped and he flew over the handlebar. When he dusted himself off we checked his front wheel which was completely deformed and looked almost like a banana. Complete structural collapse. We weren't going very fast and it was on level ground, never saw something like it.
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Mar 8, 2021 07:35
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Summer before last, my wife and I went to LA to visit the inlaws. We decided to go to Joshua Tree and I bought a little bit of shrooms, like 20 bucks worth. We took them at the south end visitor center and start making our way north. We're stopping at all the sites, got a mild body high, it's a good time until we got to the Hidden Valley trail. Almost at the end of the loop and something stings me on my hand. In my altered state I decide that I'm about to suddenly develop a bee allergy or that it was some unknown-to-me venomous desert animal. We rushed back to the car and started driving to the north end where there's a town. As we're about to get back to the main road we see a park ranger truck heading north. I try to catch up to him in case I need medical help or just to figure out what might have gotten me. I'm honking the horn and waving my arm out the window but he's completely oblivious. Finally he turns off onto an employee only road and we see that we are almost at the end. By the time we got into town my hand stopped hurting and we just drove through and went to a casino.
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Mar 8, 2021 08:02
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ahahahhaahahahahaahaaaahha
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Mar 8, 2021 09:24
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Ralph Hurley posted:I went on google earth and found graffiti I did on a roof thirty years ago. It’s a cool feeling. I'll show you mine if you show me yours. https://www.google.com/maps/@55.9659444,8.1363955,116m/data=!3m1!1e3
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Mar 8, 2021 09:57
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A couple of years back I was on a trip to Switzerland, in a small skiing type resort village. I was coming back to my hotel room, pretty intoxicated, at around 4am after the only night club in town had closed. No one really around, really quiet and still, couldn't even see any employees in the lobby in this kind of lovely hotel. I was almost at my room when I noticed the door to the room at the end of the hallways was open. I waited for a while and there was no sound or movement, so for whatever reason I decided to poke my head in. It was a suite of some kind, with a kitchen and large living room. It was very dark. All around were empty beer bottles and wine bottles and assorted party debris. In the living room there were also three completely nude men, passed out on the floor and couches. All of them were on their stomach more or less so I couldn't see their faces. No one moved or reacted to me in any way, and it was completely still and silent like it was elsewhere in the hotel. I contemplated stealing some beer but all the ones I could see were opened, so I just left without closing the door and went to sleep. The end.
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Mar 8, 2021 10:53
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I grew up in a big house in the country and we had 6 cats that were all indoor/outdoor. The kitchen was on the side of the house as a big outdoor porch, and it shared a window with the porch meant for passing food out during parties and stuff. The rest of the time this was where the cats sat if they wanted let out or let back in, and since they were outdoor cats we had bowl of food sitting outside on the ledge so they could eat whenever they wanted. Well, one day my sister and I were in the kitchen talking about something, and she absentmindedly opened the window to let a cat in. Only it wasn't a cat, it was a possum sitting there eating the food. The possum screamed. My sister screamed. I screamed. After what seemed like a minute of all of us screaming at each other and doing the equivalent of what Sims do when they see fire, I grabbed a broom and knocked it off the ledge. This happened a few more times with possums and raccoons and we never learned our lesson.
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Mar 8, 2021 15:23
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I went to a cousin's wedding ceremony at a beach. She is a legit ballerina and he is a professional magician. Ultra liberal/progressives/atheists; so no church or priests or anything. Instead they do this interpretive dance thing where they move in and out with the waves, spin each other around, dancing in the surf, etc while all the guests are up higher on the beach watching. It was actually pretty cool and neat to see. At the end of their dance, which was like 10 minutes long, they come back up closer to the guests. He walks off to the side and picks up an unnoticed fish bowl with water in it. They then stand together in front of everyone and he spits a live goldfish out of his mouth into the bowl. They bow. Seeing about 40-50 people with the most "wtf?" look on their face at the same time was hilarious. Dude had a live goldfish in his mouth for a solid 10 minutes.
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Mar 8, 2021 17:30
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When I was little we lived in a cabin with some rainforest at the back and some diamond pythons moved into the rafters. Well, as luck would have it once night I was swallowed whole and have had to live inside a python ever since. It's caused me no end of trouble.
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Mar 8, 2021 17:38
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I earned this custom title years ago: I was on the way to Kinko's many years ago, around the time I joined the forum, and the bus I was on was hit by a car while I was heading to the stop near the Kinko's. The police required us to stay there and give statements, state whether or not we had injuries etc. Once I was let go, I sprinted to the Kinko's. I should have been there at 09:00. I was there at 09:03. The manager told me I was late, so no interview. I told him this story, and he said "you should have left earlier". I said "I gave myself a 30 minute leeway first" and he said "if it had been 45 minutes leeway you may have a job now". I posted this anecdote then, and was accused of trolling, earning this title. I have never trolled. I'm a 100% dead serious poster.
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Mar 8, 2021 17:48
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Sophomore year of college, I was at the bus stop at 5:30 am to head into the city and go to work. Nobody around as far as the eye can see. It's a cold winter day and the sun isn't out yet, it's just a couple of streetlights lighting up the area. A guy in an extremely expensive looking car pulls up and asks where I'm going. I say I'm waiting for the bus and he offers me a ride. I tell him I'm fine, he goes "I'm sure you're going downtown, I'm going downtown, too. You can ride in my nice car instead of the bus." I'm starting to get nervous and tell him I wasn't going downtown, and he says "I'll drive you wherever, it's still early, I'll even pay for breakfast." At this point a car finally appears and the guy very quickly says "Nevermind, your loss." and closes the door and very quickly speeds off. I am a weird looking guy on the best of days and I was a chubby weird looking college kid running on 4 hours of sleep at this time. Although this might have been some weird attempted hookup thing I sometimes reflect on this and wonder if this guy was some kind of a serial killer or kidnapper or something, since it was just so weird.
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Mar 8, 2021 18:43
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I once got out my cell phone. Then I posted in a thread
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Mar 8, 2021 19:04
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a thread in PYF had me thinking about this, it's no life and death thing or anything like that but it was frustrating as hell like a decade ago i lived in a pretty decent apartment complex in IL and had comcast broadband, the speeds were honestly pretty great for what i was paying and i didn't have any problems with it...until i suddenly did. one day my internet just completely went out. no outages detected at the local level. eh, whatever, that kind of thing happened very occasionally. but a few hours later, the internet was still down, so i decided to call the customer service line. the robo phone tree for the service line helpfully hung up on me about three levels in no matter what i did, and i couldn't get any way to talk to a person on the other end. this continued for days that stretched into a week. i uploaded a video of the phone tree hanging up on me repeatedly and tweeted it at comcast and stuff, nothing. i was able to WFH at the time but this was making me come into the office (obviously) and i was getting increasingly pissed. i only finally got the issue resolved when i found the personal contact details of some c-level exec for comcast illinois and started bugging them directly until i got a response. it turns out some guy in the same building had seen the cable box unlocked one day and switched the apartment number stickers between their and my apartment and stopped paying their bills. never got an apology or a bill credit or anything. moved to a different state and after shopping around for a while ended up getting comcast as an ISP again, but all of the customer service stuff is apparently handled at the state level and they've been super responsive and helpful when i've had an issue.
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Mar 8, 2021 19:23
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oh also i've posted about this before but one time i was taking a dump in a restroom at the mall and the door on the stall didn't lock very securely and a distressed elderly asian man burst into the bathroom, banged open the stall door and took a huge disgusting diarrhea foam geyser poo poo on the wall next to me as i was freaking out trying to finish and get the gently caress out of there
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Mar 8, 2021 19:26
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