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The story so far:quote:Before you stand two CTOs. One has a budget, but cannot make spending decisions. The other has social capital and decides the course but has no budget. They are enemies. quote:> start replying to people on linkedin quote:> send spike quote:Spike sent quote:Go north quote:Interviewing continues to be garbage. Your put your head in your hands. After resting comfortably and dreaming of Belize you decide to walk about. Getting up from your desk in the software engineering quality creativity cluster, you make your way north. Before you are three hallways in shining glass: > 
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Apr 19, 2021 18:17
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 12:02 |
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Best Bi Geek Squid posted:α to steal some nerd's lunch and / or lunch money You make your way towards the break room, you have a hankering for some lunch and it ain't your own! On the way to the office kitchen you pass the bathroom, but you don't need that right? Stealing your terrible co-workers lunch is more important than bodily functions. In the kitchen is: An espresso machine no one can figure out how works, are parts missing? A hot water kettle covered in limescale, table with six chairs crammed in, a sink never, a microwave and your prize the fridge. >
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Apr 19, 2021 19:54
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Kettle of ... fish? Surely that saying comes from this exact situation. Now the real question is which fish. The fridge contains the following fish based items, ownership of your friends in the office (you do have friends in the office right? ):
The microwave of brand and make "Haier Electronics Ltd" can draw up to a maximum of 900W and is plugged into a standard socket with no ground. It has a variable setting for time, ranging from 0:30 to 10:00 minutes. The power settings are helpfully labeled: ☐, ⊙ and ✇. A number pad is also present, along with button labeled ⌧ and the ever helpful lever style door push open. The kettle is either unbranded or the name rubbed off. It has a power lead with the ground pin helpfully ripped out. It will effortlessly cook a liter of water to boiling within a couple of minutes. You must supply yourself tea bags or powdered coffee.
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Apr 19, 2021 22:02
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Content with the thought that no friends exist in this retched place, and surely none of them are true engineers, you unzip piss in the kettle before dumping the contents of mystery-can into said kettle. Pissing in a kettle shouldn't feel this good, but you really needed to go. From the sight and the smell you should drink more water and less coffee, or is it more coffee? Whatever the case the kettle now contains 330ml of piss you wizard of piss. *click*, it merrily begins heating. Meanwhile, the can. You daren't open this massive bulge of what is probably tuna. Into the microwave it goes, bombs away. But how does this help your discussion with the CTOs? That deadline is creeping and you're not paid 6.5 figgs to bum around with a pisskettle. Now what? >
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Apr 20, 2021 12:39
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You grab the sandwich definitely containing tuna and head back to the desk, best not loiter at the scene of the crime. Even if you wanted to get caught, still better to not be near what is now an improvised explosive device. On your way back to your desk arrangement you bump into Jeff the junior marketing manager (previously junior marketing intern). Jeff attempts to capture you into a conversation about some kid in Iceland who picks up trash on the beach and he collects 250 filled trash bags each year and ... "(...) and you know, I think the kid had it coming. Even garbage is someones private property". Jeff is finally finished. How much time passed? The sandwich is lukewarm now, also definitely tuna. Do you: a) Continue speaking with Jeff in an attempt to figure out why a person earning 22k and living in a live-share tenement would be a libertarian 1) Leave Jeff mid sentence leaving behind only disdain where you now stand c) comedy option >
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Apr 20, 2021 17:08
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please supply at least a little bit of comedy. Your time starts now.
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Apr 20, 2021 17:39
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"Goddamn it Jeff" you mumble while fiddling with the sandwich wrapper. Who wrapped this thing its so tight. The wrapper says "Jennifer" but surely she couldn't wait wait now just a minute Are you, a software engineer of good standing and excellent skills, a misogynist? ... ... ... No, this is not the time for introspection, this is the time for action! You bite through the plastic wrapper for that sweet sweet tuna sandwich. With a mouthful of sandwich and saran wrap you tell Jeff how personal property is all bunk: "you bhkwh whbat gff? gulp prbpersoabn prpasodbntyh bifs soahd sdfake". You leave Jeff with a bewildered look and bits of saran wrap and tuna on his face and continue your pace towards the engineering cluster. When you sit back down at your desk you notice the new hire, some contractor of no renown, has left his laptop wide open and it's right there next to you with Outlook wide open. Do you: a) Send an email to the entire office from the contractors laptop promising donuts and beer on Friday for everyone, possibly impacting the young persons career, or 1) Forge ahead with shirking work, responsibility or both? >
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Apr 20, 2021 22:14
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 12:02 |
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"To hell with their career" you say to yourself while composing a nasty company wide email. Well it's not to the entire company. Your company is more of a satellite, an independent unit fully supported by the mother company. The higher-ups in mother company would actually be able to follow through on investigating what happened, but this weird startup-within-a-company? No chance. Satellite-wide email it is. In between committing expletives and racial epithets to text in your co-workers name, you attempt to rip a fat one.  Well it'll have to do. At the end you remember to ask out, just in case, if anyone brought in and is missing a very nice tuna sandwich. Better remember to cc Jeff. Aaaaaand send. We're still in between the CTOs and things will get really uncomfortable if they don't receive an answer, in person, today. Do you: 1) Go to either CTO office and have a chat and figure out what direction we should take a) Go back to the kitchen to witness your barbarous acts and maybe find someone else's snack b) Head to HR to report this weird email you just received from the new person >
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Apr 25, 2021 22:01
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