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you know how the rest goes. post your pro strats for wasting time making waste on company time. are you a stall man? a stall ma'am? a toilet goblin? some sort of eldritch shitter-orb? tell me how you like to lurk when you make the urk. |
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Apr 27, 2021 20:20
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| # ? May 12, 2024 00:45 |
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Putting a sign on my office door saying "gone poopin" but i secretly go fishing. Pooping is a protected activity they're not even allowed to question it
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Apr 27, 2021 20:36
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alnilam posted:Putting a sign on my office door saying "gone poopin" but i secretly go fishing. Pooping is a protected activity they're not even allowed to question it Top tier strat. My current strategy is to tell everyone I'm "going to check the mail" at ten am, which is code for "I'm poopin" and then go outside and sit in the sun and maybe smoke for a bit. |
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Apr 27, 2021 20:45
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dyed in the wool stall man here. bring your old 3DS to work along with some ear buds, but only use one ear bud when on the john. be sure to wear distinctive shoes. hold in your business until somebody else enters the restroom. when they do, it's time for the loudest blast you can muster. this simple defense mechanism will sometimes cause your unwanted guest to turn heel immediately. also now there's a witness who will be able to testify in a court of law that you were definitely doing a big big poo that workday when you allegedly went missing for 45 minutes right after lunch. u can play several levels of luigi's mansion in 45 minutes is my point here
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Apr 27, 2021 20:48
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when I'm in the office I'll stop by the coffee bar at 8, drink it at my desk, then poop for a while and play on my phone
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Apr 27, 2021 20:50
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sk posted:when I'm in the office I'll stop by the coffee bar at 8, drink it at my desk, then poop for a while and play on my phone Wow orb why do you poop at your desk????? At least go to someone else's desk |
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Apr 27, 2021 21:10
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prepuce repurposed posted:dyed in the wool stall man here. bring your old 3DS to work along with some ear buds, but only use one ear bud when on the john. be sure to wear distinctive shoes. Same strat but the Switch and Animal Crossing |
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Apr 27, 2021 21:11
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I go to further away bathrooms under the guise of taking things to accounting or safety. |
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Apr 27, 2021 21:34
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i hide in the drop tile ceiling and whenever someone asks for me below i say loudly and clearly, "nut is in space"
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Apr 27, 2021 21:39
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Just be your own boss that way you make $1.10. |
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Apr 27, 2021 22:00
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Pretending I'm on a phone call as I recite the Divine Office |
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Apr 27, 2021 22:42
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Khad posted:Just be your own boss that way you make $1.10. Sign me up and I'll sign up everyone in this forum under me |
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Apr 27, 2021 23:04
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Teddy Thunders posted:Wow orb why do you poop at your desk????? At least go to someone else's desk keeps people from coming to ask questions |
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Apr 28, 2021 00:58
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sk posted:keeps people from coming to ask questions Yeah but if you poop at someone else's desk you're asserting dominance while achieving the goal of not getting asked questions |
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Apr 28, 2021 00:59
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Be Your Own Boss, make ALL the dimes, and drop all the deuces on the dimes. Like a BOSS |
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Apr 28, 2021 01:10
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Buddy if I could poo poo dimes, I would be at least marginally more wealthy 3-5 days a week. |
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Apr 28, 2021 01:11
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thread reminded me to steal a little time for myself hard when you are on salary and working from home but one must be creative, and at least the time is uninterrupted
OMGVBFLOL posted:if you have the money and the patience, you can Hello Kitty anything   Thank you deep dish peat moss! |
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Apr 28, 2021 01:15
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Paint eyes on your eyelids, prop your torso up with some wood scraps and take a nap at your desk, bing bang boom |
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Apr 28, 2021 01:45
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i used to work at this restaurant and i just hated being there and i would sometimes go to the bathroom desperately trying to make myself throw up but would instead just be fingering the back of my throat. tell me how i almost puke any time i try to chew a too-yellow of a banana but when im legit trying to vomit my gag reflex is just like asleep |
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Apr 28, 2021 02:27
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Khanstant posted:i used to work at this restaurant and i just hated being there and i would sometimes go to the bathroom desperately trying to make myself throw up but would instead just be fingering the back of my throat. tell me how i almost puke any time i try to chew a too-yellow of a banana but when im legit trying to vomit my gag reflex is just like asleep I knew a guy at a Chase call center who hated his job so much he kept a bottle of ipecac in his desk for this same reason |
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Apr 28, 2021 02:57
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I hate my current job. Currently I have to show up on a reduced schedule, but seeing as it's a brewery job and my collarbone is broken I mostly just gently caress around on my phone and hope I can find another job soon enough but maybe not too soon? Edit: I guess my advice is break a bone so it's someone else's fault so their insurance compensates you then just kind of fill space and waste time. |
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Apr 28, 2021 05:00
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Call into work dead...DEAD TIRED! |
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Apr 28, 2021 05:08
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back when working from home hadn't made it too easy I used to make the rounds - just walk around real slow, saying hi, doing finger pistols, finding topics we can all complain about and going into detail - work related so it's like we're working - and making myself a hot beverage, slowly making my way back. in this way i feel the ultimate duality of white collar work: i spent a load of time feeling vaguely at work, doing vaguely at work things, but in such a low effort way that no work was actually done. you can do this many times a day. the more hot beverages you make, the more trips to the shitter you end up taking too |
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Apr 28, 2021 08:09
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Deep Glove Bruno posted:back when working from home hadn't made it too easy I used to make the rounds - just walk around real slow, saying hi, doing finger pistols, finding topics we can all complain about and going into detail - work related so it's like we're working - and making myself a hot beverage, slowly making my way back. in this way i feel the ultimate duality of white collar work: i spent a load of time feeling vaguely at work, doing vaguely at work things, but in such a low effort way that no work was actually done. you can do this many times a day. the more hot beverages you make, the more trips to the shitter you end up taking too too real. I've lived that way since age 20 bud 
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Apr 28, 2021 08:15
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At the art museum and pooped itt (in the toilet) on my own time. Pretty hosed up imho. |
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May 13, 2021 08:22
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Escape From Noise posted:At the art museum and pooped itt (in the toilet) on my own time. Pretty hosed up imho. you're saving on toilet paper, so you're following the spirit of work poops
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May 13, 2021 13:52
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I pretty much like my job. |
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May 13, 2021 14:02
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A few years back I worked for a large company that, despite its catastrophically large size, had significant trouble finding office space for my team. They shoved more and more of us into bullpens and other spaces that are terrible. Among the issues this caused was what shitter availability. One of the guys on my team developed the, "rear end To Bowl Ratio" or ATBR where a calculation was established to determine just how far out of compliance with OSHA regs we were. As it turns out, the ATBR was usually around 1.15 (meaning there were 15% more asses than available toilets) and got as high as 1.32 at one point. For further math fun, there was also a calculation run that determined the maximum amount of time that any one rear end could occupy a crapper and still ensure that every rear end had equal access and time. The result was startlingly short. Yeah, we didn't get much work done. Why do you ask? |
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May 13, 2021 15:15
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Please don't come into the shared public toilets at my job to yell on your cell phone and ask people in stalls if you can have a ride across the street. I would happily give you a ride across the street, however, I'm pooping on company time, and this is a sacred three and a half minutes of escape, Nancy. |
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May 13, 2021 16:17
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Mormon Nailer posted:Please don't come into the shared public toilets at my job to yell on your cell phone and ask people in stalls if you can have a ride across the street. Next time this happens, loudly yell "flush really hard and maybe the water pressure will send you across the street" and then flush. |
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May 13, 2021 17:25
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Khanstant posted:i used to work at this restaurant and i just hated being there and i would sometimes go to the bathroom desperately trying to make myself throw up but would instead just be fingering the back of my throat. tell me how i almost puke any time i try to chew a too-yellow of a banana but when im legit trying to vomit my gag reflex is just like asleep one time my buddy drank his own pee to throw up on the floor at his factory job so he could leave early to watch Sealab 2021 with me and one of our other friends |
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May 14, 2021 01:24
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when i worked at walmart as a teenager i would sneak comic books out of the toy section and read them in the outdoor storage for extra stuff and mostly bbqs and dirt. i would also take a pocket knife and stab as many water bottles as i could during my comic book time. also i was fired because half of the truck unloading crew was stealing playstations and ipads and i was friendly with them but ignorant of the thefts and when they decided to fire everyone suspicious i was also fired. i've tried kinda hard since then to work for small business i respect since then. oh technically when i worked for my beekeeping mentor i ate a bunch of honey which i guess is technically my taking back that boss's dollar but i unno
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May 14, 2021 02:31
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boss makes a dollar I make a dime please mr wizard turn my boss into slime
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May 14, 2021 03:06
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Boss makes the money While I take the rap That's why I get paid To take a huge crap |
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May 14, 2021 03:22
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Mormon Nailer posted:Boss makes the money |
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May 14, 2021 03:31
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Boss wears a fancy suit and tie On payday he likes to gloat I stick it to him poopin' on the clock While wearing my buckskin coat |
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May 14, 2021 03:34
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my grandpa, when living, hung this (not this exact one but one very similar) plaque in his garage and i think about it a lot:
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May 14, 2021 04:07
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The trick is to time your bms so that you end up getting overtime pay |
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May 14, 2021 04:14
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Amazon warehouses time your bathroom breaks. That's a good case for firing Jeff Bezos. Out of a cannon. Into the sun. |
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May 14, 2021 04:50
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| # ? May 12, 2024 00:45 |
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born on a mountain, raised in a cave pooping on the clock is all that i crave
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May 14, 2021 21:19
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