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>beam up jammers, and anything worthwhile from the ships and then scuttle all ships before going to pick up the good doctor.
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May 22, 2021 05:07
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I updated the OP because I was losing track of things. I'll be back.
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May 23, 2021 01:58
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It is afternoon. You bust open a couple more 5.56 rounds and do some brown-an-brown. You direct Aristotle to hover over the small patrol boat where the Coast Guard picked up Jammers. Choops drops a line from the bottom hatch over the boat. The guardsmen below watch in astonishment, then open fire on the pyramid with their .50 cal and small arms. You open the top hatch and return fire with your M16s, double chicken-wing. A bullet hits you in the shoulder but you don't even feel it because you are high as poo poo. "Choops, get down that rope and snatch Jammers," you shout while reloading. "'Stotle, this thing have any weapons?" "Dude, man, nah. I could dump out the water tanks on them, swamp that poo poo, you know...or I could beam them all up and take 'em prisoner. In case I feel like some probing--" "Beam up the mermaids into the water tank, then dump half the water on these dinky boats." "Aye aye, arrrr." While Choops scuttles down the line, you provide covering fire. Jammers is in his deer-man form and is ripping the gently caress out of the sailors on the patrol boat. He and Choops rip the .50 cal, M60, all the ammo they can find, and a stash of 34lbs of coke. Choops helps Jammers up the rope as seven mermaids are tractor-beamed out of the ocean into one of the water-filled lower levels of the pyramid. Then Aristotle empties half the ballast water onto the boats, swamping them all. You have Choops mount the .50 on the bottom hatch, and tell the cajun 'squatch to put the '60 on the top hatch. This being accomplished, you all take a moment to snort some lines. "We should move," you tell the crab. "How fast can this thing go?" "I dunno, man. I never flew it except in space." "Catch up to Doc." You point to a screen showing the four ships. "There. Jammers, check the EMP thing and make sure its still workin'." The screen shows many ships to the south, which seem to be cargo ships, but a drawn-out line of four to the east, following the coast: SS Betsy Ann, then Dauntless, then SS Boipussy, with Bertholf quickly catching up, comprising Doc Snappers little fleet. The lead ship is just south of Pensacola, and the pyramid is just south of Mobile Bay. Aristotle informs you that US Navy F-18s have shown up on the scopes, speeding inbound toward the pyramid. They are about thirty miles away. >______
Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 03:47 on May 23, 2021 |
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May 23, 2021 03:39
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Ramming speed
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May 23, 2021 03:56
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You could skim the water with the pyramid and get the F16s to lose control and crash when they catch up with you.
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May 23, 2021 04:52
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Space Kablooey posted:Ramming speed This and we get the jump on the F-18s by submerging under water then popping out and ramming them
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May 23, 2021 07:17
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>if the pyramid has teleporters or something like that, telefrag the F-18s and create horrifying human amalgams in the process
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May 23, 2021 11:15
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Geemer posted:>if the pyramid has teleporters or something like that, telefrag the F-18s and create horrifying human amalgams in the process Changing my vote to this
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May 24, 2021 00:53
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Aristotle brings up a live hologram of the inbound flight of five F-18s, and you and he examine it while blazing. "Does this pyramid have, like, a Star Trek type teleporter or some poo poo?" you ask. "drat, this is way better than looking at dots on a blurry screen." "No. Closest thing is the tractor beams." You get on the pryamid's intercom. "Jammers, turn the EMP thing up to eleven. Yo Crab Dude, put the pedal to the medal and skim the surface. Then go underwater and--" "Are you the pilot of this thing or am I?" shouts Aristotle. "My dude, I'm strategizing. Don't get your rear end all hot." You take a drag. "You are the best giant crab pilot of a space alien pyramid I have ever met. Chill." "Fine. Let's go down." The pyramid rapidly accelerates to Mach 1 as it flies over the water, generating a white wake behind it. Jammers tunes in to the frequency the fighter pilots are using, and pipes it through the vessel. They are informing their commander in Pensacola that they are going in for a low-level look at "the object". You ring up Jammers. "Hit that Activate button like, over and over, or just hold it down." A moment later, the three lowest jets begin to fall behind, and all radio traffic from them stops. As the pyramid dives into the sea, three jet pilots are forced to eject while their planes crash into the ocean. The remaining two try to glide around at a higher altitude. "Do it now, 'Stotle, hit 'em." The pyramid rockets out of the water and obliterates one of the jets. The vessel ascends to 1000 feet, and Aristotle locks the last F-18 in a tractor beam, towing it close to the pyramid. "We don't have anywhere to store this thing," Crab-Dude says, "and this EMP seems to turn off any electronics within a mile of us, except for this ship of course." Cajun Squatch pops his head out of the stairwell. "The humans will send more, when they realize all their poo poo is missing. And those three pilots are in the water under us. You wanna eat 'em? Or no?" The comms light up. "This is Doc Snappers. Give me a sit-rep, Shoggath. Betsy Ann should be at Key West in forty hours or so, unless we have trouble. I'm letting the cutters run at low speed so they don't overtake us. I know you've got that alien poo poo, you can see what I'm doing." >___
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May 24, 2021 01:28
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>pick up the pilots in the water. Feed them to the chupacabra and other cryptids >strip the missiles and gun pods off the F/A 18 and dump it on the floor of the gulf. >Travel underwater to catch up with the good doctor
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May 24, 2021 01:38
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May 24, 2021 20:31
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"Who's hungry?" you ask. Crab dude tractor beams the stranded airmen out of the ocean up to the upper hatch. You and Choops haul them in. As they gibber for mercy, you, Choops, Caj, Jammers, and Aristotle eat them alive, leaving the crew with some interesting uniforms and helmets. You and Choops spend some time jumping back and forth from the 'mid and the F-18 you have on lock below, and dismantle all of its weaponry, which is tractor beamed up to the ship. Then Aristotle releases the plane, which careens 1000 feet into the ocean's surface and is annihilated, along with its unfortunate pilot. As you all blaze in your post-feast stupor, you suggest to the crab dude that he pilot the pyramid back underwater, now that it is deep enough, to avoid enemy detection, and rendezvous with the Betsy Ann. The vessel plunges into the briny deeps. The crab sets a course to intercept Doc Snapper's fleet. Jammers gets to work figuring out how to affix the new weapons to the pyramid, while Caj and Choops toss the airmen's bones and remaining flesh into the mermaid chamber. An hour later, you go back to the bridge, where Aristotle is monitoring the holograms. "They're buzzin like bees up north," he says, "but they aren't looking around here yet. To the south is an oil tanker heading northwest, with a cargo ship a few miles behind. And this looks like a cigarrete boat." He taps a console with a giant claw. "And this is a nuclear missile submarine, juuuuusssst west of the keys, movin' real slow." You convey this info to Doc. "I'm not in command of that alien poo poo," he radios. "If that crab wants to do something, that's his business. But if he decides to gently caress off into space or whatever, he'll miss out on all this coke we're getting." On the open channel, you hear: "Oh, and John Joe? You there?" "*cough* Yeah Doc I read ya." "Why did you leave our southeast flank defended by a ship with no-one aboard to use the loving weapons you idiotic bastard son of a bitch?" "Hey now you can't talk about my dad that way. We'll have words--" "Oh my God, just have your chopper send some guardsmen over to Bertholf to man the guns you colossal incompetent clueless primitive assh--" You mute the radio. You can...sort of go any direction. >__
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May 25, 2021 01:52
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>hotbox the submarine
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May 25, 2021 11:14
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 USS Georgia, for reference
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May 25, 2021 22:00
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Geemer posted:>hotbox the submarine Close, we should use the submarine ballast tanks as bongs and get high as gently caress
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May 25, 2021 22:03
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:Close, we should use the submarine ballast tanks as bongs and get high as gently caress 
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May 25, 2021 22:13
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:Close, we should use the submarine ballast tanks as bongs and get high as gently caress This
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May 25, 2021 23:07
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You are now in command of the character Doctor Snappers. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sun is setting over the Gulf of Mexico as Betsy Ann makes workmanlike progress through a calm ocean. You stick your head out of your shell, awakened by a well-deserved nap by the rumbling of a helicopter. You discern that it is returning to Dauntless after delivering a load of guardsmen to Bertholf. You clear your throat and call for someone. A young sailor by the name of Kale arrives and salutes, while wiping the coke off his nose with the other hand. "Roll me a doob while you tell me where we are." The man sets to work with the weed and paper. "About twenty miles west of the Florida Keys, sir. Mr. Shoggath has been calling for you, but we didn't want to wake you up." You take the joint and blaze. "Get the pyramid on the horn." "Yo this is Shoggath, what up Doc?" "Where the hell is the crab monster?" "He's taking a poo poo. I'm at the controls. Hey, there's a submarine about thirty miles southeast-ways. You want we should do anything about it? It doesn't seem to be acting all mean-like." "Where the hell are you anyway? You aren't on my scopes." "The 'Mid? We're just off your starboard side. Under the surface." "Hold on. Send a mermaid over to fetch me, I can't live in ocean water. And surface just enough to open a door. Out." -------------------------------------- Half an hour later ---------------------------- "The salient point, you idiots, is that we have to throw the lit weed in first, then flood the lower compartments of the sub, while attaching a fire hose to one of the forward torpedo tubes. Otherwise this will never work." John Joe chimes in over comms. "I'm googling it and there's like a shitload of stuff we could use on that thing. Although, I mean, my dude, they could also blow us all to gently caress." Jammers busily packs a bowl. "Aristotle could use the tractor beams to lift the sub out of the water, at which point he can use his giant monster claws to rip the hatch open, and then dunk it back in the water to fill the thing up...after we throw the weed in, of course...the only question is >Let the sailors on the sub drown, or actively kill them >Let the sailors on the sub live >Let the sub sink when yall done with it >Do something else >_
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May 26, 2021 02:48
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>give the sailors to the mermaids. death by snu snu. E: we need to keep some alive (long enough) to get the nuclear launch codes Geemer fucked around with this message at 05:09 on May 26, 2021 |
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May 26, 2021 04:59
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Geemer posted:>give the sailors to the mermaids. death by snu snu. >Have the mermaids snu snu the launch codes out of the sailors >Eat the sailors, except for the one who can roll the best joints
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May 26, 2021 05:38
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Georgia_(SSGN-729)
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May 26, 2021 18:52
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Everyone but you begins arguing and talking over each other, while you do a line of coke, contemplating. "Shut up, all of you. How do we stop the sub from sending a distress call?" "Use the EMP," crab-dude shrugs. "That will ruin all the poo poo we want to steal. Gentlemen, let us brainstorm via the power of THC." > have Aristotle smash the communications masts off the sail of the sub and hope that is enough > use mermaids as sirens and sing a song of seduction to lure all the sailors onto the top deck and potentially the ocean itself, where they can be hosed to death (after interrogation) > get the sailors high >use the two flight uniforms to impersonate downed pilots as a means of getting on board the sub >just say gently caress it, puncture the sub, let them send the distress call, and have the cutters respond as though they were the rescue mission >or some combination thereof >do something else naturally you and the mermaids will eat them regardless >_
Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 00:37 on May 27, 2021 |
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May 27, 2021 00:35
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>have some mermaids distract the sailors while the rest stuff pounds of burning weed into air venting system >Lure the stones sailors from the sub with mermaids and stoner munchies
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May 27, 2021 02:49
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>broad spectrum broadcast some sick beats to drown out any distress call
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May 27, 2021 05:06
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"People, step one. Jammers, get the firehose ready so that one end is on this bridge. Aristotle, get the pyramid under the bow of the sub, then ascend rapidly to puncture the hull." You rub some cocaine of the inside of your beak-mouth. "Then use the tractor beams to open a torpedo tube. Jammers, be ready to hook the pump up to our end of the hose. Step two, the mermaids will affix the hose to the tube, while also dumping a dozen pounds of lit weed into the sail hatch, which Shoggath will pry open with his freakish strength." The five of you do a hoo-rah slap, then go about your tasks, while you go down into the tanks and tell the mermaids what to do. You point to one who is very beautiful. "I am high as poo poo, and you are very aesthetically pleasing. I'd like to paint you in the classical style...have you heard of Bouguereau? Wait, actually don't say anything, I don't want to be bewitched. Just nod if you understand what I'm about to explain." You go on at length about the plan. Twenty-two Minutes Later It is about 10PM. The USS Georgia is settled slightly by the bow, but holding steady afloat. You watch through bloodshot eyes out the window of the pyramid bridge as its entire crew is high as all gently caress, either lounging on the tilted deck or swimming with the mermaids that swarm and frolic, singing, around the boat. The throb of Geto Boys can be heard vibrating from the hull of the sub, as Cajun Squatch broke into the sound system after he dumped the weed. The pump on the pyramid is humming nicely, drawing sweet, pure smoke through the hose at a constant rate. Aristotle uses his alien tech to isolate the music and amplify it, while you then switch on all coms to blast it to the rest of the fleet. You exhale more smoke that you thought your lungs could contain, then click the com link on. "Hey Squatch, did you see who the captain and executive officer were?" "Yeah, Doc. They're in the control room with me right now, blazed like volcanoes. You want I should kill 'em?" "No. They should be pliable. Get the nuclear launch codes from them, and their keys. Then give them a merciful dose of cocaine, and haul them out to the mermaids." "Roger that, Doc." "Hey turtle dude," says Aristotle, "my data says that sub don't have any nukes." You scoff. "Do you really think the Navy would say one way or another? Of course they have them." As you don your spectacles and look out the window again, you see the ocean between you and the sub erupt into a froth of white foam. The feeding frenzy has begun. Some regular-rear end sharks join in, too. >You can go any direction. >__
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May 28, 2021 02:54
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Acquire several pounds of baking soda from the ships hold. Mix it up with the Yola Start whipping
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May 28, 2021 03:48
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>If they don't give up the keys and codes, snap their dicks off >Head to palm beach
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May 28, 2021 06:44
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You have 'Squatch get some baking soda so that yall can make some crack. As you and Aristotle smoke it, you watch Jammers and Shoggath on the CCTV screen on the sub, as they are wielding blow-torches and moving scrap metal around. The weed on the sub has burned out, and the pumps are being used to re-float the bow of USS Georgia. John Joe radios that he has told the navy that the situation is under control, and the sub only had a temporary communications problem, which has been fixed. Dauntless keeps slowly circling around the sub, while Bertholf cruises east at max speed, past the Keys and Miami. With your first drag on the pipe, your eyes nearly pop out of your skull. "Hoooollly FUCKballs. We have nukes. Let's nuke someone." Aristotle holds a lighter to his pipe. "You can't use 'em without presidential authorization, man." "We can get around that, somehow. Anyway, keep the pyramid under water and lets head east. I have carnal urges." Around 10PM, Shoggath reports that the sub is able to submerge enough to be invisible, slightly. "We had to shut off and seal some of the forward compartments, so we can't use the torps, but this girl can swim." You take another pull and suppress a cackle. "Shog, have a mermaid bring you back to Betsy Ann. Or swim, if you want. I'm going to take command of the sub with Jammers, 'Squatch, and Choops. We don't have enough sailors left to really man her for a long time, but the four of us should be enough to get to fucktown." "Roger that, Doc. Out." ------------------------------------------ Betsy Ann, Dauntless, Boipussy, with Georgia and Pyramid submerged, pass quietly by and through the Florida Keys overnight, then turn north past Miami. By about 2AM, you are ten miles off the coast of West Palm Beach, with Grand Bahama Island to the east. Bertholf is nearly one hundred miles ahead, going north. You raise the periscope with Jammer's help, and use the night-vision to scan for any turtle tang. You see a few wisps of foam that might be promising, but no swarms of sea turtles on the beaches. However, you do spot several cigarette boats and deep-sea fishing boats to the south, and two large yachts to the east. There are fireworks going off to the west. There is also a huge object that appears to be a cruise ship, moving from the southwest from your vantage. Jammers, who is cryptiding the hydrophone, reports that there are no nearby underwater vessels, other than the pyramid. You can go any direction. >__
Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 03:26 on May 29, 2021 |
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May 29, 2021 03:13
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>do a musical number and broadcast out into the waters so that they can hear your sultry tones
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May 29, 2021 04:20
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>call forth the horny sea turtles and get them to desire nothing but you with your song and mermaid backing chorus
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May 29, 2021 10:20
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>go swimming!
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May 29, 2021 22:13
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You blaze hard. "Hahahahaha, gently caress, yo Choops, you ever think about how cats are like tiny lions? They move and act the same way." "I never actually did think about that. Do you have more crack?" "Jammers, can you re-gently caress the active sonar to play music? Or hook it up to a microphone?" Jammers lifts up his welding helmet. "Yeah, I can do that. Should be straightforward." He rigs it up while you cleanse your pipes. You take the microphone and start singing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O8m0mMDpHw The mermaids quickly join in outside the submarine. As you sing, you ask Choops to up the periscope. He reports seeing a great disturbance in the water about five miles to the west. You order Squatch to surface the sail immediately. You climb the ladder with a bag of coke and open the hatch. The moonlight over the sea is dazzling. You spot a mermaid. "Hey, classical beauty, carry me over to that frothy place. Please don't speak though, or I'll suck my head into my shell and cry." You toss the bag to her. "Snort that poo poo, and let's get going." A Half Hour Later You, being held by the mermaid who is high as poo poo, find yourself surrounded by sea turtles, manatees, dolphins, and sharks. You can see the riverboats and Dauntless about a mile west, strung out in a line. You do not know where the pyramid is. You can go any direction. >__
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May 30, 2021 02:01
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thanks to this thread i have learned quite a bit about turtle mating behaviors and ability to create hybrids
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May 31, 2021 22:32
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>Get nasty with some sea turtles. And if anyone spoils the fun, snap off a dick and get out of there before the feeding frenzy starts.
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May 31, 2021 22:43
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>attract a mate with your sick aquatic dance moves
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Jun 1, 2021 01:23
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You have arrived at Palm Beach, Florida. SS Boipussy, SS Betsy Ann, and Dauntless drop anchor about a mile away from shore. Lt. Rains reports to Jammers that he is passing the Outer Banks, east of North Carolina. Jammers signals this to you with lights in Morse code. "I need to do a dance in the water. I might die, so stick near to haul me out, if you would," you tell the mermaid. The mermaid drops you into the sea. As the sea creatures gather around, you can hear https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdiB3cISeBk playing through the active sonar. You begin dancing your sickest moves, after a while feeling your lack of a Lachrymal Gland, rapidly becoming dehydrated and exhausted. Four large sea-turtles approach. Three are female, one is male. Entranced by your performance, the chick-turtles readily agree to a foursome, as it is mating season. You spend a half hour having a good time. The male sea turtle approaches, languidly flapping his fins. "Hey fucker, those are my wives, you dick." He opens his beak-jaws and prepares to bite you in half. You use what strength you have left to dodge and swim under him, chomping off his dick. He howls in gurguley pain and flails about. Then an enormous great white shark rockets out of the blue-black darkness and swallows you whole. The mermaid pounds on the shark's nose, but there is nothing doing; other sharks arrive and she flees. >___
Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 22:11 on Jun 1, 2021 |
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Jun 1, 2021 22:09
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>snap at the stomach lining until you free yourself chestburster style
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Jun 1, 2021 22:39
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>bust the emergency blunt and lighter from your shell and toke up, then chest burst
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Jun 2, 2021 00:04
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You find yourself in the darkness of a shark's stomach. It is mostly full of you, some fish, and old tin cans. It is about 2/3rds full of water and blood, allowing you to gasp for air as you slosh around as the shark swims. You extract a doob and lighter from your rear end and fumble with it as your try to light up. You are very dizzy and have mad cotton-mouth. As you clumsily blaze, you form a plan. You go ahead and just eat the rest of the joint, then start ripping up the top part of the stomach with your beak-mouth. The shark begins thrashing around, swinging you from side to side as you hold on with your powerful jaws, chewing and chewing. Finally you have a hole big enough that you can get your claws into, and while chewing and clawing, erupt from the top of the shark in a cloud of blood and flesh chunks as the mortally wounded beast begins to sink. You can hold your breath a bit longer, but you are very weak, and the water is dark-blue and murky. You can hear noises from all directions. >_
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Jun 3, 2021 01:01
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Should the pyramid rescue Doctor Turtle or should it accidentally kill him by impaling him on the tip (heh) when it surfaces
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Jun 3, 2021 01:30
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