byob terlet posting thred

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Finger Prince

I enjoy using Japanese bidets while visiting there, though sometimes I can't be bothered futzing around with all the settings so I just wipe like a Neanderthal.
Do you pre-wipe to get the big chunks off before spraying, or just let the water hose everything off?
One thing I've never been able to figure out is European style bidets.

Do you just sit on the cold porcelain and let the water flow down your buttcrack? There's not a lot of pressure there. Is the idea that you rub your butthole with your hand while this is happening to get it clean?

# ? May 18, 2021 13:28

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# ? May 1, 2024 15:06

cruft

Finger Prince posted:

I enjoy using Japanese bidets while visiting there, though sometimes I can't be bothered futzing around with all the settings so I just wipe like a Neanderthal.
Do you pre-wipe to get the big chunks off before spraying, or just let the water hose everything off?
One thing I've never been able to figure out is European style bidets.

Do you just sit on the cold porcelain and let the water flow down your buttcrack? There's not a lot of pressure there. Is the idea that you rub your butthole with your hand while this is happening to get it clean?

That's exactly how it works. Then you wash your hands.

# ? May 18, 2021 13:33

Finger Prince

cruft posted:

That's exactly how it works. Then you wash your hands.

Once when I was in Egypt I had to make an emergency pit stop and use a public toilet. Bowl* and shower hose, right I get it, left hand for wiping, right hand for eating. So I sort myself out, good and clean, time to wash hands in sink.
No soap.
Not out of soap, just no soap at all. Not even provisions for soap.
Good thing I remembered the left hand right hand thing.

*actually it may have just been a squat toilet, I don't remember exactly.

Finger Prince fucked around with this message at 13:55 on May 18, 2021

# ? May 18, 2021 13:44

biosterous

Escape From Noise posted:

Welcome to the toilet
We've got hot bidets

you know where you are?
you're on the terlet, baby!
you're gonna wiiiiiiiiiiipe

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? May 18, 2021 15:10

cruft

biosterous posted:

you know where you are?
you're on the terlet, baby!
you're gonna wiiiiiiiiiiipe

# ? May 18, 2021 15:44

Escape From Noise

Actually I will mostly bidet tyvm

# ? May 18, 2021 16:41

Finger Prince

Dun dun dun dun dun dah dah dun dun
Dun dun dun dun dun dah dah dun dun
Just bidet, just bidet.

# ? May 18, 2021 16:58

Viginti Septem: Oculus Noctuae

I live my life day bidet

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig!

# ? May 18, 2021 17:22

Escape From Noise

Pleiadian Light posted:

I live my life day bidet

# ? May 18, 2021 17:40

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

Bare your own Backside

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? May 18, 2021 18:48

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

unBurden your own Bowels

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? May 18, 2021 18:48

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

Bidet your own Butt

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? May 18, 2021 18:49

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Befoul Your Own Bidet

# ? May 18, 2021 18:50

Escape From Noise

Bot Your Onerous Bhole

# ? May 18, 2021 18:53

Gramps

BYOB terlet/bidet chat: baptize your own bootyhole

# ? May 18, 2021 18:54

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

Clog your own commode

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? May 18, 2021 18:55

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

Turdilate yer old terlet

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? May 18, 2021 18:55

Finger Prince

Another question about euro bidets. So you're done pooping, or at least you think you're done pooping, so you shift over to the bidet turn on the tap, get your butt all wet, then think actually I'm not done pooping. Do you get up and sidle back over to the terlet to finish your business dripping poopy water on your journey across, or just say gently caress it and poop on the bidet?

# ? May 18, 2021 19:03

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Don't poop in a bidet. Oh no. You don't want to do that, it is not good.

# ? May 18, 2021 19:11

Escape From Noise

Mormon Nailer posted:

Don't poop in a bidet. Oh no. You don't want to do that, it is not good.

NOW you tell me!

# ? May 18, 2021 19:16

Finger Prince

Mormon Nailer posted:

Don't poop in a bidet. Oh no. You don't want to do that, it is not good.

See, I'm glad I asked. Euro bidets are scary and intimidating, unlike the soothing irrigation of a Japanese bidet.

# ? May 18, 2021 19:35

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Finger Prince posted:

See, I'm glad I asked. Euro bidets are scary and intimidating, unlike the soothing irrigation of a Japanese bidet.

Exactly. Japanese bidets just want to be nice to your butt. Euro bidets are a form of punishment.

# ? May 18, 2021 19:51

cruft

Mormon Nailer posted:

Exactly. Japanese bidets just want to be nice to your butt. Euro bidets are a form of punishment.

Look, people, somebody has to do the thing for the first time. And it's almost guaranteed that whoever makes the next one will improve it. So the first bidet design was the worst one the world ever saw. The fact that there are so many of them is a testament to what a great idea it was, generally.

And I think we can all get behind that.

# ? May 18, 2021 20:04

Escape From Noise

Mormon Nailer posted:

Exactly. Japanese bidets just want to be nice to your butt. Euro bidets are a form of punishment.

More like...bunishment! :dadjoke:

# ? May 18, 2021 20:05

Escape From Noise

Okay! Everyone! I found the wikiHow!

# ? May 18, 2021 20:06

cruft

Escape From Noise posted:

Okay! Everyone! I found the wikiHow!

Thank goodness

# ? May 18, 2021 20:44

alnilam

Escape From Noise posted:

Okay! Everyone! I found the wikiHow!

lmao i love wikihow so much

_{ty manifisto}

# ? May 18, 2021 20:45

cruft

alnilam posted:

lmao i love wikihow so much

For the first time ever I'm going to recommend everybody read the comments.

# ? May 18, 2021 20:48

How Wonderful!: I only have excellent ideas

I like to use the bidet and the waterpik at the same time bc otherwise I'm afraid the water pressure will blast me off in one direction or the other. Gotta equalize the forces.

-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

# ? May 18, 2021 22:35

cruft

How Wonderful! posted:

I like to use the bidet and the waterpik at the same time bc otherwise I'm afraid the water pressure will blast me off in one direction or the other. Gotta equalize the forces.

This person gets it

# ? May 18, 2021 22:48

cruft

cruft posted:

This person gets it

In both ends

# ? May 18, 2021 22:48

Viginti Septem: Oculus Noctuae

That's a lot of poo poo posts

https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig!

# ? May 19, 2021 00:00

cruft

Can't stop thinking about that WikiHow article. I hadn't previously considered washing all my genitals with the bidet.

# ? May 19, 2021 02:06

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

If the separate bidet crowd would add a soap dish, the whole affair would feel much better.

# ? May 19, 2021 02:41

Finger Prince

cruft posted:

Can't stop thinking about that WikiHow article. I hadn't previously considered washing all my genitals with the bidet.

You know how on the Japanese ones, there's a button for bum pictogram and another button for lady pictogram that sprays you in the taint?

# ? May 19, 2021 03:20

Escape From Noise

Tankin' a bidecation

# ? May 19, 2021 03:29

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

I have never used a bidet of any sort in person but dang that wikihow article made me think euro bidets are completely gross, inefficient and stupid, whereas Japanese bidets seem genius. Like you need space for a whole freakin extra toilet and you gotta rub your fingers in poo poo with a euro bidet???

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? May 19, 2021 03:33

How Wonderful!: I only have excellent ideas

god, they finally answered my questions

-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

# ? May 19, 2021 05:41

How Wonderful!: I only have excellent ideas

My personal theory is that bidets never took off in the US because American straight men have hang-ups about getting their butts touched in a way that rules. I think they need to look in the mirror and just say, "it will rule when the water touches my butt, it will rule in a new way, but I'll still be me. I can still look in the mirror and say 'hello, you-- how's things?' I'm free now and I'm ready to show my butt a whole new world."

-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

# ? May 19, 2021 05:42

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# ? May 1, 2024 15:06

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

How Wonderful! posted:

My personal theory is that bidets never took off in the US because American straight men have hang-ups about getting their butts touched in a way that rules. I think they need to look in the mirror and just say, "it will rule when the water touches my butt, it will rule in a new way, but I'll still be me. I can still look in the mirror and say 'hello, you-- how's things?' I'm free now and I'm ready to show my butt a whole new world."

consider me the first :haibrow:

# ? May 19, 2021 06:00

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