[UFOs] congresswoman Aphrodite please emerge

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [UFOs] congresswoman Aphrodite please emerge

(Thread IKs: sharknado slashfic)

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

It'd be pretty sweet if an alien landed in front of the white house, declared that mankind doesn't merit actual relations and absolutely shouldn't receive advanced science or technology even with us ruining our planet. Then they hop back in the tictac and zoom into space faster than it took to deliver that message.

# ¿ May 28, 2021 06:43

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 01:16

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

I and a friend saw a massive metallic cylinder emerging from the bottom of spooky glowing clouds over a refinery in CA some years back. We've talked about it occasionally since then, but all this stuff has brought the memory back like it was yesterday. Just to make sure we're not insane, I've also randomly searched for reported sightings from that facility and the town it's in, but no one else apparently saw what we did or wanted to go on record. The area is kinda chuddy so I don't know if that would make people more or less likely to go on record about this sorta thing. It was a cool and shocking experience regardless.

# ¿ Jun 5, 2021 05:42

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Bullfrog posted:

this is a really cool story. we need more goon ufo sightings in this thread. god drat i wish i had looked into the skies more in my life. tempted to put a skyhub cam on my van and live my life as an insane traveling ufo hunter

Yeah, the first thing we noticed were the hosed up clouds crossing a bridge towards the refinery, as they were really bright like something was illuminating them from the inside and also seemingly low in elevation. As we began to pass the refinery, my friend who was driving said "look!" and that's when I caught a glimpse of the object above poking out of the clouds. The exposed portion looked cylindrical with a silvery metallic sheen and huge rectangular panels oriented vertically that pulsed red/orange from what I remember. It was also long enough to extend past my vision looking upward from the car. The whole thing was surreal as hell and my bud did not want to stop to get a better look.

WEH posted:

serious reply cross check what you saw with the reports from http://www.nuforc.org/webreports/ndxlCA.html on that date

This is from that town in the same year and month (don't remember the exact date now), but no mention of a cylinder/cigar. "Unknown 5-10 minutes 2 red lights becoming 3-white lights seen over"

# ¿ Jun 5, 2021 06:16

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

As an experience it was equal parts what the gently caress and terrifying. The crazy clouds driving in were strange enough and then there's this massive out of place thing in them just parked in the sky like gravity doesn't exist.

It also really sucks since we'll never have any answers on what we saw, but maybe that isn't completely true anymore.

Tekne has issued a correction as of 06:29 on Jun 5, 2021

# ¿ Jun 5, 2021 06:26

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

WEH posted:

Please consider submitting your cool as hell report to nuforc! I've seen more than a few singular reports end up being backed up by people looking for what they saw years ago. You could also check out mufon's records but their search is a lot more involved
please cross check them on nuforc!! i have zero affiliation with nuforc but its such an easy database to search by state and time

I'll consider it. In my attempts to convince myself we didn't have a shared hallucination, I've found that sightings around oil refineries aren't exactly uncommon. That would track with all the reports with activity being heightened around nuclear reactors and other industrial or military sites.

# ¿ Jun 5, 2021 06:38

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

While we're spitballing scenarios, maybe Viceroy Xenu has noticed we've kicked our C02 geoengineering project into high gear, and approval has come from on high to step in before we ruin a perfectly good planet. That would be preferable than our number worshipping governments staying the course until people are dying of heat, starvation, and mass displacement. Hell, I'm still expecting all that awful poo poo to go down regardless.

# ¿ Jun 6, 2021 15:41

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Lampsacus posted:

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/tick-tack-shaped-object-orange-18846277

Lynn Murphy told how one of the objects was spinning and looked similar to a �white tic tac� that had �two black crossed underneath it�

-noiseless
-two black crosses are similar to the apparent two 'appendages' in the american navy pilot sighting
-blink 182 - aliens exist

�As I looked over the valley, I saw this great big massive horse shoe shaped object.

�It had nine lights that were rhythmic with each other and were changing from white to red.

�It was nothing I had ever seen before.�

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

they saw a bright silver "cigar- shaped object about six times as long as it was wide"

What I saw hanging out of the doomclouds was a long silvery cylinder with pulsing red lights. For the record, experiencing this thing sorta sucks, since you feel euphoric and shocked initially but then life continues as before and you have no answers about what you witnessed. Then you start questioning your memories and when you see that nobody else reported seeing anything from that area you just stay quiet.

# ¿ Jun 7, 2021 15:44

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Butternubs posted:

This is my main problem, how do you have an intergalactic empire or w/e and not have any aesthetic. Um guess we'll just fly round in a big unpainted metal cylinder, maybe stick a loving big red light on it IDGAF.

Their technology might outclass us but I guarantee when they make contact they'll be wearing jorts and sandals.

The size and scale of it was impressive. :shittypop:

# ¿ Jun 7, 2021 15:54

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

I believe you and I believe you will see the day of your vindication.
It's not impossible that they have bitchin' van art but it's painted on the side we're not seeing

Thanks, with all that being said, the whole thing hasn't been negative in any way. You just naturally want to know more. I hope everyone gets to live that experience.

We should all get to be the dog GAZING at the quote bar.

# ¿ Jun 7, 2021 16:03

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

This means nothing on its own, but Sam Harris is afraid that he might have to go on an apology tour soon.
https://youtu.be/dhxtgx1LiIU

# ¿ Jun 7, 2021 21:02

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Today the former dni said what they�ve captured isn�t from other nations ayy lmao.

https://youtu.be/vdnx0ITs2fA

# ¿ Jun 7, 2021 23:21

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Antifa Turkeesian posted:

It seems like he's just repeating the message that soldiers and sailors need to report the weird things they see flying around--he doesn't say anything about stuff getting captured, unless you mean video footage.

Yeah, I meant captured in terms of cameras, satellite images, and radar data. I�d be truly surprised if we actually have anything like wreckage or a whole/partial craft for that matter. I�m just hoping the disclosure has more interesting stuff to read through or watch at this point. Like others have said, I�m not expecting any outright conclusions or answers from it.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 00:09

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be Uplifted.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 18:57

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

If you can supply a jet-sized craft with a 1000GW power source, you can solve human energy needs and possibly help us repair our climate oopsie. Humanity getting bailed out of our consumption society's engineered apocalypse would be immensely funny.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 19:42

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

I'm a man of simple tastes. I just want to fly around uninhabited worlds and blow up mountain ranges like Ramiel with gigaton lasers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u26WYI9oxoA

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 19:55

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

This is the first place I've talked about my silver cigar over the refinery siting. My friend who was driving lives in that town, and none of her family or friends saw anything that night. None of my folks witnessed it either. From that point you just don't talk about it unless you took pictures or made a video.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 20:14

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Zisky posted:

I dunno why but your post has stuck with me more than most here.

Something about how you described the clouds, or maybe how close it was?

That visuals are still clear in my mind to this day. First thing we noticed driving across the bridge was how low and bright the clouds were. It was a white light that seemed to emanate from within them rather than a reflection from the moon or some other source. Even if there wasn't a cylinder waiting a little further up the road, I would have still remembered that night just for the bizarre weather.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 20:39

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Zisky posted:

How close would you say it was once you saw it? How big did it appear to be relative to yourself/the refinery?

Your description seems to track with a lot of the sightings irt light emanating from within a cloud.

My sense is that it was a couple hundred feet above the car or at the height of a tall building but not a skyscraper. It was definitely higher up than the refinery's tallest towers but still close and physically imposing even at that elevation. If I had to approximate a size, I'd say it was way over a thousand feet long, definitely bigger than a large zeppelin or tanker ship but with a very uniform symmetrical surface only broken up by pulsing lights. My perspective was almost underneath angled up but I could see one end, which was a flat circular surface, and the rest extended past my perspective over the refinery. Much of it was covered by the clouds, but the exposed portion was a metallic cylinder with periodic giant red lights arranged like this "I I I" down its length.

Tekne has issued a correction as of 21:06 on Jun 8, 2021

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 21:04

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Yeah, a silver cylindrical skyscraper with tall narrow red lights emerging from the bottom of glowing clouds is a good way to describe what we saw.

It was oriented horizontally or lengthwise to the ground. Not sure if I've been clear on that part.

Tekne has issued a correction as of 21:21 on Jun 8, 2021

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 21:16

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

One thing is for certain: there's gonna be a lot more ufo/uap-themed sneakers and clothing. Techwear was literally made for this moment.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 21:20

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Make sure to touch any glowing or white hot wreckage with your bare hands.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 21:28

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

If the aliens are huge and physically imposing, chuds won't be able to resist the urge to lick their boots.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 21:47

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Crusader posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06nTDVz_sjs

I'll raise you an even more obscure space game song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJzOElXufb4 (this is the correct one)

Tekne has issued a correction as of 22:20 on Jun 8, 2021

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 22:18

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

interdimensional cybernetic jellyfish battle music approaching
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I05gZw5hbys

drat it, they made a 12 inch model of the series' iconic boss enemy, KING FOSSIL

must resist wasting money

Tekne has issued a correction as of 22:29 on Jun 8, 2021

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 22:26

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Pooky posted:

https://filedn.com/lA1dAM6GJzOy8eCDm2eVX88/uap/Silver-Cylinder1_trim.mp4
if anything this is a pretty good example of what a giant floating cylinder would look like

How close is this video to the object you saw?

The surface color and sheen is very similar. I can't speak to the proportions as what I saw was much closer and partially obstructed by the clouds it was nestled in. Asides from the lack of lights, it seems like it is in the same category of objects/craft I witnessed.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 23:23

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Justin Tyme posted:

lmao thats a bug, some of these are extremely unconvincing

not saying the video is real, but i don't think a bug is going to a disrupt a cloud it's flying through

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 23:49

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Speaking of 100% organic usda certified UAPs, I was surprised to learn that people have been seeing flying cylinders for at least 460 years now.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1561_celestial_phenomenon_over_Nuremberg

# ¿ Jun 8, 2021 23:59

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

It was actually just visual migraines caused by medieval peasants staring directly at a solar event.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 00:17

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

We will sway Zarflox to make contact on American soil by showing them the the immense soft power of our mass media.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 00:21

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Back to submarines, I've been in a small WW2-era sub that's maintained at a maritime museum, and I couldn't imagine spending a few days in it let alone weeks or months at sea with other people.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 04:16

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Pooky posted:

https://i.imgur.com/kSqz0P2.mp4

This one is really weird. I thought it might be a balloon at first, but zoomed in it appears to have little arms or appendages that move around. The weirdest thing is that it clearly expels gas to move right like some sorta air squid.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 08:00

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Between the defunct Air Force Space Surveillance System, awfully named Space Fence, the Ballistic Missile Defense System's radar sites, and all the spysats floating about, there must be a ton of great captures and data if these events are as common as the Navy pilots indicated. I'm betting there are incidents where multiple systems picked up UAPs before being spotted by jets or ships. If the contacts harassing air or naval assets originated from the upper atmosphere or space, then I think we can rule out any mundane explanation for these craft.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 17:04

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Wired just put out an awesome video featuring Andrea Themely, current 737 pilot and former Air Force colonel/trainer, analyzing the footage released so far.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6aBWssGnng

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 18:18

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

I'd like to know what sort of beings people would prefer for us to meet if other meatbags are visiting us.

1) Humanoid
2) Mammalian (dog/cat/bear/whale people vs ape like fuckers)
3) Reptilian
4) Avian
5) Insectoid/Arthropod
5) Mollusk
6) Jellyfish

Feel free to add categories if you think I've missed something.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 18:43

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

mycomancy posted:

Nipple-tortured tardigrades.

They would be unkillable.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 18:49

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Aliens looking like us would be worse than God being an old white dude.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 18:51

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

PawParole posted:

god is formless in all western religions. Artistic representation by Christian artists doesn�t equal theology.

I'm aware that contemporary depiction is wrong in addition to being boring. Angels in scriptures are bizarre chimeric beings when they aren't pretending to be people, but the art is just mostly guys with wings.

I want aliens that are bioluminescent flying wheels covered in eyes.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 18:58

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Hooplah posted:

a formless, ever-shifting irridescent mass composed of billions of microscopic insect-like creatures that all communicate chemically and telepathically and thus act collectively, seeming to be a single thing

It's dancing bees all the way down.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 19:04

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

First contact should be with floating crystalline entities resembling multi-hued snowflakes that vocalize like a glass harmonica.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 19:34

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 01:16

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

it's from raised by woofs

# ¿ Jun 9, 2021 19:46

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [UFOs] congresswoman Aphrodite please emerge

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