Jeffrey hire a bro I'm pegging you dude

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > Jeffrey hire a bro I'm pegging you dude

really queer Christmas: Apr 22, 2014

yr new gurlfrand! posted:

is jeffrey going to hire consultants that don’t understand the project, don’t know what they’re doing, and continue collecting pay for poorly defined deliverables until the next budget review

I don't understand the question, you asked if he's going to hire a consultant and then listed what they do

# ? Jun 2, 2021 20:32

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 12:49

some plague rats: Jun 5, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

This is the most absolute loving loser poo poo imaginable

# ? Jun 2, 2021 22:02

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

lol remember when lowtax "hired" a "brand manager"

# ? Jun 2, 2021 23:43

Anime Bernie Bro: Feb 4, 2020; FUCK MY ASSHOLE, LOL

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

lol remember when lowtax "hired" a "brand manager"

😂

# ? Jun 2, 2021 23:47

Lord of Pie: Mar 2, 2007

yr new gurlfrand! posted:

is jeffrey going to hire consultants that don�t understand the project, don�t know what they�re doing, and continue collecting pay for poorly defined deliverables until the next budget review

well it's either that or hire fans

# ? Jun 2, 2021 23:50

Cromulent_Chill: Apr 6, 2009

Hey you know what cspam would want? A thread about hiring a top cop!

# ? Jun 2, 2021 23:55

Zeroisanumber: Oct 23, 2010; Nap Ghost

I don't want to have a professional community manager. I want someone who makes fun of me when I'm being an idiot and chain 6's me with the reason being stills from The Secret of NIMH or someshit. I want someone who's got opinions that are as dumb or dumber than mine amd who gets drunk and goes mad with power a couple times a month. This place is a crashing mess and we need an inmate, not a warden.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:12

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

i spoke to jeffrey in the mod forum and he's hiring lis smith

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:26

Anime Bernie Bro: Feb 4, 2020; FUCK MY ASSHOLE, LOL

Jose posted:

i spoke to jeffrey in the mod forum and he's hiring lis smith

can we get liz warren?

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:57

really queer Christmas: Apr 22, 2014

Jose posted:

i spoke to jeffrey in the mod forum and he's hiring lis smith

Congrats to his future failed presidential run

# ? Jun 3, 2021 01:09

AnimeIsTrash: Jun 30, 2018

Jose posted:

i spoke to jeffrey in the mod forum and he's hiring lis smith

He should hire on the gaggle of warren staffers that got holocaust tattoos to symbolize their love of warren

# ? Jun 3, 2021 01:16

ate shit on live tv: Feb 15, 2004; by Azathoth

Smythe posted:

goons are mean on the something awful website, the website which has been dedicated to being mean and trolling for 22 (?) years

yea but we've grown up now so its just unacceptable to not take every broke brain morons feelings into consideration and shape the website around their foibles. there is no such thing as a subforum that just isnt for them.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 03:12

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

ate poo poo on live tv posted:

yea but we've grown up now so its just unacceptable to not take every broke brain morons feelings into consideration and shape the website around their foibles. there is no such thing as a subforum that just isnt for them.

thats right

# ? Jun 3, 2021 03:53

Roth: Jul 9, 2016

Jeffery just hired me.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:00

Good soup!: Nov 2, 2010

What's the benefits package like

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:01

Roth: Jul 9, 2016

Good soup! posted:

What's the benefits package like

I can sell Something Awful avatars as NFTs if I want

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:03

AnimeIsTrash: Jun 30, 2018

I'm selling this as a NFT if anyone is interested.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:05

Roth: Jul 9, 2016

Sure I'll cause global warming for Lady Snowblood

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:06

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Jeffrey hire a pro I'm begging you dude

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:11

Homeless Friend: Jul 16, 2007

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

lol remember when lowtax "hired" a "brand manager"

the slavering goons in that thread were real sickos

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:13

Anime Bernie Bro: Feb 4, 2020; FUCK MY ASSHOLE, LOL

number of anti-mod riots i've been involved in as a mod: zero
number of anti-mod riots i've participated in as a user: seven or eight... poo poo i dunno it's gotta be a lot

# ? Jun 3, 2021 04:14

anime was right: Jun 27, 2008; death is certain
keep yr cool

Smythe posted:

Jeffrey hire a pro I'm begging you dude

As a pro... dont do it jeff

# ? Jun 3, 2021 05:01

lollontee: Nov 4, 2014; Can't post for 10 years!

hire me jeff, im a pro. i got a cv full of moderating positions i have been ejected from for sexually abusing posters , and i also have my own cannon for this inevitability. i have a set of pretty tassels for my body as i prance around as the forums pony, shaky shaky pruuuuuut!

# ? Jun 3, 2021 11:48

Good soup!: Nov 2, 2010

Jeffrey hire no one and send me some money :cool:

# ? Jun 3, 2021 11:52

Victory Position: Mar 16, 2004

we've spent so much time talking about a particular kind of pro that we've neglected to think of other kinds of pros, like Twitch pros, or culinary pros, or a local pro that knows everything about the architecture in their North Dakota town

# ? Jun 4, 2021 07:10

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

jeff's completely full balls: jeffrey hire a pro i'm begging you dude

# ? Jun 4, 2021 07:12

anime was right: Jun 27, 2008; death is certain
keep yr cool

jeff, in accordance with SCUM best practices pls hire a pro g0m manager

# ? Jun 4, 2021 07:16

Comey Homie: May 9, 2017

Jeff bought the site because he has a cliff yablonski script he wanted to develope

# ? Jun 4, 2021 08:23

Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

loving lol that people want some mckinsey dweeb to get in the way of pure forums revolutionary justice

# ? Jun 4, 2021 08:33

Quotey: Aug 16, 2006; We went out for lunch and then we stopped for some bubble tea.

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

jeff's completely full balls: jeffrey hire a pro i'm begging you dude

# ? Jun 4, 2021 08:36

The Saucer Hovers: May 16, 2005

DUDE

# ? Jun 4, 2021 08:38

Victory Position: Mar 16, 2004

Homeless Friend posted:

we need to get smythe the purple mod star

the purple heart :blush:

# ? Jun 4, 2021 08:50

Brrrmph: Feb 27, 2016; Слава Україні!

Dance Dance Karnov was fun in 2001

# ? Jun 4, 2021 08:57

TheSlutPit: Dec 26, 2009

As someone who mods one of the (I'm being a little humble here, it's the largest) largest Las Vegas Raiders Discords on the planet, I

# ? Jun 4, 2021 08:58

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

TheSlutPit posted:

As someone who mods one of the (I'm being a little humble here, it's the largest) largest Las Vegas Raiders Discords on the planet, I

# ? Jun 4, 2021 09:06

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Victory Position posted:

the purple heart

he did get wounded during the troubles

# ? Jun 4, 2021 09:14

lollontee: Nov 4, 2014; Can't post for 10 years!

Jose posted:

he did get wounded during the troubles

yeah, my rifle zero was way off. cest la vie, get him next time

# ? Jun 4, 2021 09:24

wynott dunn: Aug 9, 2006; What is to be done?

Who or what can challenge, and stand a chance at beating, the corporate juggernauts dominating the world?

Bip Roberts posted:

loving lol that people want some mckinsey dweeb to get in the way of pure forums revolutionary justice

Often Abbreviated posted:

INTRODUCTION

here at Mckinsey consulting we pride ourselves on perspective - offering organisations of all sizes the perspective and judgement they need to improve their core processes and deliver value to customers and shareholders alike. we have completed our assessment of your organisation, "Dead Gay Forums, Inc", and are ready to present our conclusions:

BRIEF

the problem presented to Mckinsey was: fforums are all hosed up and posters are mad as hell. whhy?

ROOT CAUSE - 5 WHYS

before a solution can be proposed we must undergo a root cause analysis, allowing us to identify why forums all hosed up, with problems all over and everyone all yelling and poo poo. for this we will be using the "5 Whys" method

WHY 1.

much of the yelling is related to specific cases of forums drama, with these falling into several distinct categories such as; anti-trans bigotry, nazism, doxxing, forums raids etc. however mckinsey does not find these to be the root cause as forums drama has very commonly been resolved through moderation without everything getting all hosed up and wild. Conclusion: forums moderation does not appear to be functioning as normal

WHY 2.

the normal process by which forums drama is resolved is presented below:

our root cause analysis finds an ongoing malfunction in this complex regulatory process, detailed below:

furthermore, we have noted an increasing volume of particularly severe cases:

we believe that there is sufficient evidence to show that the mechanism by which forums drama is resolved is now itself an endless dramabomb factory

WHY 3.

why is the "moderation" unit malfunctioning to produce such endless and fullsome waves of ripe and fecund drama? this is a question that Mckinsey co initially struggled to answer, though we believe we have found the likely pathway through an application of BIG DATA. running statistical comparisons against many thousands of independent variables, we identified the value that most strongly correlated (p<.001) with a failure of the moderation unit.

thickness of moderator skin was by far the value most strongly (negatively) associated with failure of moderation. notably, this value worked as a predictor both independently and in aggregate (by mean average of all moderator skin thickness), though crucially an aggregate of all moderator skin thickness was not as predictive as simply taking the lowest thickness of the group i.e. the effectiveness of moderation in a group is limited by the individual moderator with the thinnest skin

further analysis confirmed that moderator skin thickness, both by mean average and by lowest value, have been dropping precipitously over the period for which data are available to Mckinsey co.

WHY 4.

for this we were able to turn to our extensive catalogue of social dynamics studies. at McKinsey we have long understood that skin thickness is associated with values such as:

community
a sense of belonging
giving and receiving good-natured ribbing
shitposting

in our experience precipitous declines in skin thickness, known as �hypersensitisation events�, develop after a traumatic incident causes an individual or group to isolate itself from community socialisation.

WHY 5.

isolation of the particular �hypersensitisation event� is difficult via the dataset made available to McKinsey co, however we have strong evidence to suggest the meltdown over anti-trans bigotry being discovered in FYAD, and the associated panicked closing of QCS are at least strongly related

ROOT CAUSE � CONCLUSION

Mckinsey believes that your forums are all hosed up and your posters are mad as hell BECAUSE of rampant forums drama BECAUSE your moderation unit is malfunctioning BECAUSE moderator skin thickness has dropped BECAUSE of a hypersensitisation event BECAUSE of the discovery of anti-trans bigotry and associated panicked response

Mckinsey has conducted further analysis of the mechanism of moderator unit failure, and can provide an additional report containing critical recommendations for the remediation of deviant processes at your will, and on payment for services rendered to date, totalling US$122,544,897,09 plus tax