- Escape From Noise
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Steve Jobs dies and people make weird shrines to him outside of their stores and talkshow hosts make tearful soliloquys about his passing. Our CEO gets divorced and nobody even sends an email!
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Jun 4, 2021 08:13
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 2, 2024 22:21
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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can't modify access on the Marriage drive because i lost my administrator rights 
crimes
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Jun 4, 2021 08:14
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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me, bazinga t-shirt, rainbow suspenders, striped pants, cubicle wall covered in XKCD comic strips i printed out at home because i dont have the printer code yet: hahaha you studied the humanities???? pfffft aahahahahahhhhh
crimes
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Jun 4, 2021 08:16
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- alexandriao
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hello, im a Microsoft support technician and im here to- ppfffff- to- pfffffff-*puts hand over the phone*
to- pfffff HAHAHAhahahahahaha hey bob, bob, bob i cant deal with this script man it's too funny aahhhhahahaha ok,ok,ok, hheehee,, sorry sir- uhh ma'am, im here to help
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Jun 4, 2021 10:43
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- cruft
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tbh, i remember how bad the earlier versions of windows were, and im kind of impressed how those corporate nerd got the thing so stable
If we're being honest, nobody else has ever even attempted to keep an operating system updated while maintaining backward compatibility with binaries from 1981. It's really impressive that they've made things as stable as they have.
Well, I guess IBM's Z series has also done this.
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Jun 4, 2021 22:19
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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Hey, I noticed these progress bars are linked to other processes. Let's go ahead and isolate those.
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Jun 4, 2021 22:24
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- nut
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ya we made the CD drive with the hole in the middle so you can cut a weak hot dog in half with it like you asked
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Jun 5, 2021 14:23
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- nut
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ya we named all these holes the Universal Serial Buses after the coolest means to travel outer space
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Jun 5, 2021 14:24
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- Viginti Septem
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Oculus Noctuae
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Off topic, but that feel when your windows machine needs to reboot after an update (OS or some 3rd party software) and after powering down and restarting all it does is hang on the loading spinner.
Do something!
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Jun 5, 2021 19:23
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- Khanstant
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What if instead of letting one tablet program run without begging for admin privileges, on the admin account, we instead give them either the option to get more pop-ups from us, or simply go open rear end, no notifications, no stopping access, just gently caress you, either let us babysit or we're throwing you in the ocean.
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Jun 5, 2021 20:18
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- google THIS
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(error message designer on their first day)
"Error: Unable to allocate 11084756 bytes..."
(senior error message designer cracks whip)
"More obtuse!"
"Uhh... SEGFAULT 2790 CORE DUMP..."
(crack) "More obtuse!"
(desperately) "STOPCODE COULD_NOT_COPE. Please visit this webpage with one sentence of unhelpful text for more information."
"That's better. Now add a sad face emoticon and a QR code so they know we're cool."
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Jun 5, 2021 20:58
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- Bright Bart
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False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
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(error message designer on their first day)
"Error: Unable to allocate 11084756 bytes..."
(senior error message designer cracks whip)
"More obtuse!"
"Uhh... SEGFAULT 2790 CORE DUMP..."
(crack) "More obtuse!"
(desperately) "STOPCODE COULD_NOT_COPE. Please visit this webpage with one sentence of unhelpful text for more information."
"That's better. Now add a sad face emoticon and a QR code so they know we're cool."
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Jun 5, 2021 21:02
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- Finger Prince
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I don't care if it's possible, we 👏 do 👏 not 👏 read 👏 the 👏 other 👏 file 👏 system!
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Jun 5, 2021 21:15
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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We did it. We designed video drivers that work with any monitor. True multi-monitor support at last!
...
What do you mean, "at the same time"?
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Jun 5, 2021 22:45
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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me: can i desginate some of these custom fonts as members of the same font family?
windows, spitting out their drink: what the gently caress? what the gently caress did you say to me you little bitch?
me: i... i just, i want to customize how these custom fonts are displayed
windows: I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the gently caress out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my loving words. You think you can get away with saying that poo poo to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're loving dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rear end off the face of the continent, you little poo poo. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your loving tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will poo poo fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're loving dead, kiddo.
crimes
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Jun 6, 2021 14:23
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- Nosfereefer
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IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM
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me: can i desginate some of these custom fonts as members of the same font family?
windows, spitting out their drink: what the gently caress? what the gently caress did you say to me you little bitch?
me: i... i just, i want to customize how these custom fonts are displayed
windows: I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the gently caress out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my loving words. You think you can get away with saying that poo poo to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're loving dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rear end off the face of the continent, you little poo poo. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your loving tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will poo poo fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're loving dead, kiddo.
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jun 7, 2021 22:29
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- Muscle Tracer
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Medals only weigh one down.
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Usually, when someone is applying formatting to text, we'll make it keep the selection, in case they want to apply other formatting to the same text. Unless they're highlighting the text, in which case we have to deselect that poo poo immediately. IMMEDIATELY.
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Jun 8, 2021 15:03
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- HELLOMYNAMEIS___
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Behold! Cortana
Ooooh
Ahhhh
What does it do?
Nobody knows!
Nobody has ever used it!
Just a few days ago, Cortana was suddenly open on my machine. It was a window that was titled "Cortana", and it just said "Cortana is not available in your region". I could close it, but it wouldn't actually close, just go to the background (it would still be in the alt-tab task list). I had to go to Task Manager to kill it.
Well, that's my Cortana story.
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Jun 8, 2021 17:12
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 2, 2024 22:21
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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i'm the guy responsible for putting ads in minesweeper. i proposed that idea while receiving genital pleasure from a minimally modified DeWalt SawzAll.
crimes
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Jun 14, 2021 16:06
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Jun 4, 2021 08:13
