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Now that our very own LAP is a QCS super star lets accuse him of other crimes really stupidly. Crime 1 - He always leaves one table leg slightly off level on commissioned work Crime 2 - No opposable thumbs because he is a dolphin Crime 3 - He was going to be the 3rd shooter of JFK but was 6 hours late Crime 4 - He does not recognize EGG
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Jun 28, 2021 02:05
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Crime 5: He killed John McAfee Probably not all the heinous a crime tbh
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Jun 28, 2021 02:07
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He thinks Robot Jox is a bad movie. He was present on Planet Earth and thus, cosmically speaking, very close to DMX when he died. Coincidence? He does NOT wish he was an Oscar Mayer weiner.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:07
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he never calls me back
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Jun 28, 2021 02:09
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He took me on a magical date and gave me all the signals he was in to me and even gave me a kiss on the cheek when he took me back to my place but it's been over a week and he hasn't called back and I am devastated.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:09
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EorayMel posted:Countdown until LAP's first QCS thread Literally A Person posted:I am SO excited for this. 1 month later https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3971873 And then OP got forumbanned from QCS 
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Jun 28, 2021 02:12
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Years ago when I was delivering my wedding vows LAP snuck into the service and fired a paintball directly into my clenched rear end in a top hat, embarrassing me in front of everyone.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:15
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Vomited in a furniture store, right into the drawer of an end table.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:18
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They razzed the poo poo out of me when I became a mod for doing something dumb and it made me a better mod. Now that I'm a poster again I have resumed being lovely so I'm mad at them for not fixing that from the other side.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:18
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Once ordered $37.29 of food at burger king and then just drove past the window laughing
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Jun 28, 2021 02:21
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i have heard that lap purposely leaves several seconds left on the microwave when he takes his food out. also he cooks exclusively in a microwave. also he killed several people back in the late 80s.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:22
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LAP didn't know, but when he was taken on as a mod was made fully aware and is completely okay with it.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:25
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He left me for dead in a bullet riddled car in the middle of the Sonoran Desert when I specifically asked him not to do that.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:28
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He's an absolutely die hard unapologetic fan of Dana Carvey as Mr. Turtle in the 2002 movie 'Master of Disguise' to the point of distraction
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Jun 28, 2021 02:30
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Despite his name, LAP is only figuratively a person; in reality he is a liopleurodon.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:32
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One time he had a friend cut off his right pinky finger with a pair of bolt cutters so he could take it to Home Depot, knock an axe to the floor, drop the finger, and demand financial compensation, but the police were called when security camera footage showed him pulling the already severed finger from one of the many pockets on his shorts.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:34
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Said he'd give me a proper milking, but backed out. What a milktease.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:35
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Oh Don Piano posted:Vomited in a furniture store, right into the drawer of an end table. I hear he also poops in the floor model toilets.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:35
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Big Beef City posted:He's an absolutely die hard unapologetic fan of Dana Carvey as Mr. Turtle in the 2002 movie 'Master of Disguise' to the point of distraction lmao
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Jun 28, 2021 02:36
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LAP
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Jun 28, 2021 02:40
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Big Beef City posted:He's an absolutely die hard unapologetic fan of Dana Carvey as Mr. Turtle in the 2002 movie 'Master of Disguise' to the point of distraction Opening the QCS thread as we speak
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Jun 28, 2021 02:40
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Also wtf that bitch in that thread stole my av
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Jun 28, 2021 02:41
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LAP invited me over to show me a staircase he built then pushed my mother down it!
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Jun 28, 2021 02:42
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Big Beef City posted:He's an absolutely die hard unapologetic fan of Dana Carvey as Mr. Turtle in the 2002 movie 'Master of Disguise' to the point of distraction That scene was filmed on 9/11/2001. Coincidence?
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Jun 28, 2021 02:43
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He made tender love to me but refused to reciprocate orally
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Jun 28, 2021 02:46
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Went around my neighbourhood and put up fliers with a picture of me and the text "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN? CALL <my phone number> NOW!" everywhere.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:52
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He once asked to watch my favourite movie and then spent the entire time talking poo poo about it and how it wasn't as good as Master of Disguise.
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Jun 28, 2021 02:54
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I heard he's not even a person, but a rogue AI living in a neural network of Wi-FI enable smart saunas responsible for, at last count, 15 Finnish orgy deaths.
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Jun 28, 2021 03:03
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Has every episode of the old Don Lapre informercials cataloged on VHS.
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Jun 28, 2021 03:04
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Those are some anus crimes op. 
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Jun 28, 2021 03:06
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LAP once said "Must be free" when something didn't ring up the first time at the register.
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Jun 28, 2021 03:08
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one time LAP was going into an office building ahead of me and he held the door open for me but I was obviously way too far away and so I had to choose between making him hold the door for like a full minute or awkwardly breaking into a jog and the whole thing was terrible for everyone involved
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Jun 28, 2021 03:10
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Athanatos posted:LAP once said "Must be free" when something didn't ring up the first time at the register. almost as bad as sayi g good year when a price that sounds like a date comes up
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Jun 28, 2021 03:12
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LAP once snuck food into a movie theater that he brought from the outside
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Jun 28, 2021 03:14
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Athanatos posted:LAP once said "Must be free" when something didn't ring up the first time at the register. i will not stand for this attack on fatherhood
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Jun 28, 2021 03:15
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LAP once yelled at a barber for cutting a second hair when he went in for a hair cut
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Jun 28, 2021 03:16
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Does the Jim Gaffigan "Hot Pockets" voice every time in the frozen food section.
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Jun 28, 2021 03:18
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Since his meteroric rise to power LAP has: -Drank all the beer! -Outlawed my mom! -Punched God!
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Jun 28, 2021 03:19
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He bound, tortured, and killed 10 people between 1974 and 1991 in Wichita and Park City, Kansas.
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Jun 28, 2021 03:19
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Can we just agree that whoever makes a call-out thread in QCS is a terminally ill loving deranged waste of space that humanity really could do without? Also LAP owns. Like, really, really owns. He once sent me a box of random poo poo that included a ring that I still proudly wear the wrong way to this day.
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Jun 28, 2021 03:20
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