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fast cars loose anus
Mar 2, 2007

Pillbug
Well it's the Texans so the answer is dead last in everything and even one win would be a mercy

What looks promising:
We have our first round pick in the 2022 draft so this poo poo-rear end season won't be wasted. It's basically impossible for us to have as bad turnover luck as we had last season again.

What looks ominous:
It would be significantly faster to list the things that do not look ominous and so far they are that the stadium does not appear ready to collapse like a Miami condominium and that we get to play the Jaguars twice (I know they have Trevor Lawrence but they'll gently caress it up like they always do)

Keys to the season:
Literally the only thing that matters this year is finding out what we have in our young players from the last draft or two. Perhaps our Stanford QB turns out to secretly be as good as the last one an AFC South team drafted or perhaps he's loving dogshit or somewhere in between but we need to know one way or the other after game 1617 is done.

Realistic best case scenario
We do not become the first team to go 0-17, and we get the #1 draft pick

Realistic worst case scenario
0-17, but don't sleep on the possibility of winning just enough to not pick #1 either

My prediction
We will bumblefuck our way into a win against someone who got their QB injured or something, although if you look at the schedule just about the only chance of that is probably the Jets or Jaguars

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fast cars loose anus
Mar 2, 2007

Pillbug
Playing Tyrod would be a mistake after like, game 2 or something. The point is to find out what we have with Davis Mills and anyone else.

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