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Colonel Cancer posted:We're a christian dungeon, not gonna have any of that Wait, is THAT why we've got all this celery coming in? Nobody told me about our new VeggieTales dungeon wing.
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Jul 31, 2021 02:59
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Colonel Cancer posted:We're a christian dungeon, not gonna have any of that Oh so the prostitutes are all angels then. Are they the human with wings type or melt-your-brain biblically accurate?
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Jul 31, 2021 03:01
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:Wait, is THAT why we've got all this celery coming in? Nobody told me about our new VeggieTales dungeon wing. Hey, you guys over in the veggie wing better keep up with kitchen discipline. Don't leave food lying around or that weirdo elf girl with the cookbook is gonna show up again and try to turn us into hot pot!!!
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Jul 31, 2021 03:08
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Hi, guys, I'm Archibald the Warlock and I'm going to be interning here this quarter, it's great to work with you guys.
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Jul 31, 2021 03:35
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Who What Now posted:Hi, guys, I'm Archibald the Warlock and I'm going to be interning here this quarter, it's great to work with you guys. Where are those TPS reports I asked for?
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Jul 31, 2021 03:50
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Could the scrunt please come to shipping and handling? A package that requires photo ID arrived for you. We tried explaining you can't show up in photographs, but they insist.
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Jul 31, 2021 04:02
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I am Lothor the Gruesome, ancient creature of misery and pain! I have scoured this hellish dungeon for a thousand years, and I will continue to scour it for a thousand more!! …anyone got an extra dime I can use? I want a soda from the break room and I’m ten cents short 
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Jul 31, 2021 04:25
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You Are A Elf posted:I am Lothor the Gruesome, ancient creature of misery and pain! I have scoured this hellish dungeon for a thousand years, and I will continue to scour it for a thousand more!! You are not Lothor, you are a elf.
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Jul 31, 2021 04:28
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Meme Poker Party posted:You are not Lothor, you are a elf. A elf of MISERY and PAIN! OOOOOOOOH!! *flails fingers for effect*
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Jul 31, 2021 04:34
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MackAddie posted:*psst* Where the lamia chamber at? Look, I can show you where it is, buddy, but lemme lay some truth on you first ok? You take a good look at yours truly here…what do you see? Fuckin’ bones, right? You think I started out looking like this? Nah man, I was 8 feet tall, solid muscle, prime of my life. But then I found that lamia chamber, man. Now don’t get me wrong, I’d do it all again. But those girls, those girls? They’ll take it all man, every drop of your essence, and you’ll thank ‘em for it. But you’ll never be the same bro.
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Jul 31, 2021 04:45
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Meme Poker Party posted:Excuse me? Those were cool monster girls ready to go on adventure. Nothing about them suggests that they are prostitutes. Please do not disrespect the girls like this again. As a goblin girl I find the idea it's disrespectful to be called a prostitute insulting.
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Jul 31, 2021 05:35
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don't mind me i'm gonna shovel all of these gemstones and gold coins into a corner
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Jul 31, 2021 07:19
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Just a reminder that some of us chests around here are mimics and we'd appreciate it if you'd ask before trying to store anything in us.
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Jul 31, 2021 07:41
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Geemer posted:Could the scrunt please come to shipping and handling? A package that requires photo ID arrived for you. On my way. Hope it's my step-ladder! 
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Jul 31, 2021 07:52
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Look, I can show you where it is, buddy, but lemme lay some truth on you first ok? You take a good look at yours truly here…what do you see? Fuckin’ bones, right? You think I started out looking like this? Nah man, I was 8 feet tall, solid muscle, prime of my life. But then I found that lamia chamber, man. Now don’t get me wrong, I’d do it all again. But those girls, those girls? They’ll take it all man, every drop of your essence, and you’ll thank ‘em for it. But you’ll never be the same bro. So... You're coming with me then?
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Jul 31, 2021 08:16
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Lascivious Sloth posted:Where are those TPS reports I asked for? I tried but the printers are acting funny again. *turns to printer* PC Load Gelatinous Cube? The gently caress does that mean?!
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Jul 31, 2021 09:03
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a dmc delorean posted:I tried but the printers are acting funny again. Let me handle this. I've seen it before. Ahem! Yes, yes, real funny, Printer Mimic. Now put the real printer back where it belongs, return to the Demon Office dungeon wing, and stop loving with the new people.
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Jul 31, 2021 09:56
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*Lays 1d3 eggs.*
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Jul 31, 2021 10:32
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a dmc delorean posted:I tried but the printers are acting funny again. Um, hmm. you're going to have to come in on Sunday, mmmkay.
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Jul 31, 2021 11:24
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Me say plague made up. Keep monster slave to dungeon master. Amulet of resist disease? No! Is amulet of mind control! Besides, me fear no plague - me know constitution score.
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Jul 31, 2021 11:42
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I know this is going to seem like heresy to some, but let me preface my proposal by asking is there a good reason our dungeon is a damp earthen, rocky, wet pit in the ground? We constantly have ventilation, drainage and mold problems. Soot and heavy particulates from the hundreds of torches and oil burning lamps keeping the place alit makes for horrendous air quality. I know that the traditional wisdom is that the smoke in the air numbs our sense of smell so we won't be gagging all the time considering the many adventurer corpses lining the corridors and so many of our most respected colleagues with diverse food and personal grooming traditions. But what if we could have clean air all the time? And not have to employ an army of dredgers to keep the lower levels free from seepage? Why don't we move to the dead mall up by the turnpike? One of the vacant former anchor stores is like 4 stories tall and has attached parking! We could like fit a lot of dungeon in just that space. The Cinnabon is still open too.
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Jul 31, 2021 12:15
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frumpykvetchbot posted:I know this is going to seem like heresy to some, but let me preface my proposal by asking is there a good reason our dungeon is a damp earthen, rocky, wet pit in the ground? I propose a series of vertical ventilation shafts with pools of water at the bottom full of punji stakes and any Kuo-toa hobos that happen to be around. One bored Umber Hulk or Xorn should be able to knock the tunneling out in an afternoon, tops.
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Jul 31, 2021 14:56
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But mold and corpses are a valuable resource
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Jul 31, 2021 14:59
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You guys don't remember the stinky ducting episode of '78? There used to be a vent for fresh air but stupid idiots kept climbing up inside and being devoured by the resident xenomorph and we'd have to keep sending cleanup crews that kept asking for more pay due to "unsafe working conditions" or something
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Jul 31, 2021 15:16
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Maybe a couple of you mimics can stop slacking off and turn into an air purifier or AC or something
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Jul 31, 2021 15:21
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My mimic broke and it looks (and smells) like a bucket of piss now. Adventurers rarely go for it and just loot my real treasure chest right away. I wish we would withdraw from the Ottawa treaty so we could use fireball traps for lair security again.
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Jul 31, 2021 15:27
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Just piss and poo poo in your treasure chest, it's not like anyone will take that gold here.
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Jul 31, 2021 15:39
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I know it's summer and it's hot and stuff, but please stop triggering the ice traps for temperature control. I just watched a bunch of adventurers get nothing but a few cold drops down the backs of their necks instead of being impaled on razor sharp icicles.
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Jul 31, 2021 15:47
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Today's PSA for dungeon monsters:
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Jul 31, 2021 16:04
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the endless staircase is broken, now it's just a really long staircase. where the gently caress is maintenance?
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Jul 31, 2021 16:15
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psa the netherverse portals are not your personal trash cans, the horrors beyond have enough problems and they don't have time for your garbage being dumped on them. they don't spill into our reality and start littering do they?
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Jul 31, 2021 16:19
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Some of my best friends are from the netherverse and they say that having so sort through our soiled refuse is a welcome break from the daily horrors they endure.
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Jul 31, 2021 16:24
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Gavin?! Has anyone seen my friend Gavin?
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Jul 31, 2021 16:36
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Look I'll be the first to admit how I hosed up. But as I've told you guys a thousand times before that was over a thousand years ago, and I was drinking alot back then as some of you know and I didn't always make the best decisions. So I really hope this is the last time I have to say this, we have plenty of bottle openers now so if you could avoid "borrowing" the one imbued with my immortal soul it would be appreciated. Or at least put it back when your done for fucks sakes.
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Jul 31, 2021 18:06
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Had a meeting with the Sewer Level Alliance chairmonster about possible collaboration. Sewer levels have a bad reputation but we could have some real synergy.
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Jul 31, 2021 18:09
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I am the Dungeonmaster! I am the overlord of strange beasts and stolen souls! And I am going to show this video to HR hoping I can break out of this realm for a change! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rr7oipQkCfc
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Jul 31, 2021 18:18
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You are a elf.
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Jul 31, 2021 18:28
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Giraffe posted:You are a elf. An elf can be a dungeon master. Especially a dark elf.
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Jul 31, 2021 18:37
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Icochet posted:My mimic broke and it looks (and smells) like a bucket of piss now. Adventurers rarely go for it and just loot my real treasure chest right away. I wish we would withdraw from the Ottawa treaty so we could use fireball traps for lair security again. For the last time it is for the safety of our ice golems and winterborn sprites that we cannot employ fireball based traps, rumors of a treaty are patently false. Please be respectful of our fellow monsters with fire vulnerability. There are plenty of other gruesome traps to choose from.
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Jul 31, 2021 18:46
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Can I get a dungeon manager down here on southwest corner of the Depths of the Damned, pronto? We've got an adventurer threatening to sue from yet another bone related injury. Atleast it's not like that drunk bard from last week that refused to leave while singing drunken ballads for hours before security was able to reap his soul.
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Jul 31, 2021 19:31
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