it's time to fuck

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > it's time to fuck

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

but i don't remember how. please share tips so i don't embarrass myself on my tinder date

# ¿ Aug 4, 2021 21:24

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 16:09

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

Mormon Nailer posted:

As a gently caress expert, you just gotta go on instinct.

When you want to gently caress, you gotta set the mood. Lean forward and display your pinnae, then droop your wings like big brooms while marching straight legged and inflating your airsacks. If this doesn't sufficiently excite your potential mate(s) (no kinkshame here, get it) then you're going to want to begin warbling, at a low enough frequency to vibrate their internal genitalia, while circling them in increasingly tighter spirals.

If THAT doesn't work, you're going to need to march and strut, KEEP YOUR FALSE KNEES STRAIGHT, and clap your airsacks very very firmly together.

Prep work first. THEN you can get down to loving.

loving is just, you know. Just like, wiggle a little bit.

thank you for at least trying to actually help with my very serious question. i think a lot of this can be adapted to my physiology. my warble/strut aren't half bad, so i've got that going for me. i guess a lot of it really is just putting your pinnae out there and puffing up those airsacks but it's hard, you know?

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# ¿ Aug 5, 2021 04:57

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

kuskus posted:

Is there a Walmart or Rite Aid nearby? People often forget the proper supplies.

1 9x13 Rubbermaid plastic container
2 packets unflavored gelatin (after the first time you can choose a flavor of your choice to spice it up)
1 can fruit cocktail
1 bag pretzel sticks
1 can sweetened condensed milk

When the time is right, bring 1 gallon of water to a simmer.
While the water is coming to heat, play this song on your phone or nearby smart device. If you don�t have one of those, sing it. I learned this from my parents when they sat me down and taught me the facts of life, but your family song might be different.
You can use ours.

https://youtu.be/iTZgJTyxB-M

Sit your partner down in a chair with their feet firmly planted in the 9 x 13 container. it helps if they�re facing a window.

Dissolve the gelatin in the water. Turn off the heat.

While it is cooling, but before the song ends, open the sweetened condensed milk and drizzle it over your partner�s feet.
Do the same for the fruit cocktail and pretzels.
be sure to spread them evenly.

If this song has ended at this point, replay it.

While directly looking your partner in the eyes, pour the warm gelatin water over their feet until the pot is empty.

At this point, say good night and go to sleep in a nearby room.

When you wake up, check that the Jell-O is firm.

Walk outside and ring the dinner bell so that the neighbors know there is a loving event.

No utensils are allowed, this is like bobbing for apples. Form a line at the door. The loving is over when the 9 x 13 tray is empty and your partner�s feet are clean.

Good luck!

ok i tried this. it seemed to be going well at first, she loved the song and was giggling through the condensed milk stuff but gave me a kinda weird look when i said good night and was gone when i woke up. now the group chat is calling me "mello jello" and she's not answering my texts

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# ¿ Aug 5, 2021 18:09

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

you sick fucks

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# ¿ Aug 11, 2021 14:26

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

Escape From Noise posted:

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these fuckers from the sick completion of their appointed pounds

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# ¿ Aug 11, 2021 20:10

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

Mormon Nailer posted:

It is no longer time to gently caress.

gosh DANG it

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# ¿ Aug 12, 2021 16:49

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

i hosed so hard, and came so far
but in the end, it didn't even matter

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# ¿ Aug 12, 2021 17:44

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

Code Jockey posted:

yawning, I stretch and push the snooze button on my alarm clock, which is displaying F U C K on its red 8 segment LCD display as smooth jazz plays

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# ¿ Aug 15, 2021 16:04

pnac attack: by Fluffdaddy

Code Jockey posted:

one two three o'clock, four o'clock gently caress
five six seven o'clock, eight o'clock gently caress

nine ten eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock gently caress

Stoner Sloth posted:

we're gonna gently caress around the clock tonight!

when the clock strikes gently caress they'll be awestruck, we're gonna lick and suck when the clock strikes gently caress. we're gonna. gently caress around the clock tonight, we're gonna gently caress gently caress gently caress till the broad daylight, we're gonna gently caress we're gonna gently caress around the clock tonight

*sax solo*

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# ¿ Aug 17, 2021 14:46