FANTASY FOOTBALL - this is my worst idea and I need your help

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > FANTASY FOOTBALL - this is my worst idea and I need your help

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Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

SUPERBYOWL I: STONER'S SLOTHS vs MIGHTY DUCKS :siren:

Here's the league link to follow along! https://fantasy.espn.com/football/league?leagueId=1615609309

Introduction: What is footballs?

Mormon Nailer posted:

Footballs fact: footballs was invented in 1973 by Dan Marino as a cover for the fact that he just wanted to drink a lot of Gatorade but his wife said no Dan you cannot so he invented a game where at the end they would pour it on him so he was a delicious boy

and from that delicious boy, the ultimate pastime was born

NEWS:

Jaguars! posted:

Vaccinations for The Fugue are now available! If you wish to seek protection from playing in The Feud, please apply in-thread.

VACCINATED TEAMS:
STONER'S SLOTHS
CONFSED GOLFERS

Congratulations all!

nesamdoom posted:

MODIFIED CALVINBALL has been enacted in the CONSLATED PLAYOFF brackets! Please check the weekly score update post for any new rules.

Edicts from THE COMMISH

DENOMINATION: The 1/4Back is now the 1/2Back -- For every quarterback started beyond two, the following will occur: top 2 scoring QBs will have their scores added to the team total. Each QB beyond that will face a coinflip. Heads, the QB's score is added to the total. Tails, and the player's score is set to zero.

ALL IN 1/4Backs are Gambles -- Each team's top scoring QB is unaffected. If a team plays a second QB, they are subjected to a coinflip. Tails, and that player's score is set to zero. Every QB in the active lineup beyond the second is also subjected to a coinflip. Tails, and that player's score is SUBTRACTED from the team's total.
HEDGED BETS; THE RISE OF THE 1/3B: For each team, the scores of every QB on the active roster beyond the top scorer will have their score reduced to 1/3 its original score.

Rules Addendums

any and all kickers on the bench of team The Mighty Bush will add their scores to the team�s final total
Any teams playing against the Malabar Chestnuts will be playing Family Fake Feud. Whichever team scores closest to 300 points without going over will be the winner. Should both teams go over, the game will result in a 0-0 tie. UPDATE: The Family Feud is the Family Fugue! It is contagious! Whichever team played the Chestnuts in the previous week will again play it the following week.
Player acqusition limit has been changed from 15 players and 1 per week, to no limits. Let chaos reign!
THE HUNTRON HAS BEEN FORMED! As long as Team THE MIGHTY BUSH has at least 4 HUNTERS in its active lineup,
the team score is DOUBLED. This will occur AFTER earlier Rules Addendums have been processed.
THE HUNTRON IS LEAKING! RADIATION ALERT The effects of the RADIATION negate the 1/3Back penalty for the first eligible QB on the opposing team. Simply put, any team going up against WAIRARAPA BUSH may get full points from the 2 top-scoring QBs on their team
ADDICTION ADDITION: The Stoner's Sloths have discovered Teh Weede. The coach has chosen to permit this, sympathizing with the suffering of their players. THE COMMISH has THEIR suspicions and is Testing the team weekely. Should a 2 or 12 come up on a 2d6 roll, the players will be Busted. The team score will be zeroed out and added to their opponent's score. Otherwise, everything is Chill.
CONSOLATED: Teams which have been forsaken by THE COMMISH are FREED. You may reshape the rules of Fantasy Football in your Image. Coaches of these teams may propose rule changes; those which are feasible and fun will be implemented. Those which attempt to create a slight edge are encouraged. Those which attempt to rule the CONSOLATED will be punished.
CALVINBALL: All CONSOLATED teams are encouraged to make a one-week-off Rules Addendum suggestion.

Previous weeks' news:

Week 1 news:

Jaguars! posted:

Week 2 news:

Jaguars! posted:

Your Season 1 coaches and teams:

Lock -- Lock Picks
Manifisto -- New York City Fighting Capys
alnilam -- Bob Ross's Secret Happy Little Football Team
Stoner Sloth -- Stoner's Sloths
Fluffie Duckie -- Mighty Ducks
nut -- Malabar Chestnuts
Luvcow -- New England Squirrels
rear end-penny -- THUNDER BONG
your friend sk -- tennis team 2oꚙ
biosterous -- confused golfers
xcheopis -- BYOB Nonchalants
Pot Smoke Phoenix -- Fantasy Phoenix
Mormon Nailer -- Roy's OrbSons
Doctor Dogballs -- Dinglebury Fartbirds
Jinh -- Bard Island Scores
take the moon -- moon takers
fps_nug -- Mars Attacks
nesamdoom -- DooM's TeaMates
magic cactus -- Trois-Pistoles Poutine Pals
Jaguars! -- Wairarapa Bush The Mighty Bush

-----original op follows-----

y'all are awesome but effortposting has never been my strong suit. So I was thinking, how can I give back here? Only other thing I do on SA nowadays in a couple of goon fantasy leagues.

so let's play some BYOB-flavored fantasy football!!

no wait come back seriously hear me out

so look. ok. If this is gonna work then I figure it needs to be
1) simple
2) chill
3) yobbish

Here's my idea:
1) simple: You don't know a tight end from a tailback? Doesn't matter. Your team is 1 ball thrower dude (gotta have someone to start the play), 1 defense (gotta have someones to stop the play), 1 kicker (because kicker), and 6 of whatever other offensive dudes you want. And in fact you don't even have to worry about that because...

2) chill: You don't have to do anything. You don't have to pick players. You don't have to draft. In fact, uh, you can't. The draft will be done automatically. You will be given a random team at the whims of ESPN's autodraft algorithms. And you don't have to worry about ever* changing those players either.

3) yobbish: Your players get one point for literally doing anything**. If it's scorable (and there are a ton of scorable things), it gets one point. They look at the ball? One point. They catch a ball? One point. They drop the ball? One point. Score 6 points? One point. Good, bad, whatever; if it's scorable it counts for one point.

There is no skill. There is no strategy. This will be a huge mess and I really wanna see what happens with it. I'm hoping for a trainwreck that has similar vibes to that king of passive splorts, blaseball.

c'mon fake coaches; come win the first annual ...superbyob? byoberbowl? Whatever. The more people the merrier, though for this to happen I figure we'll need at least 5-7 other teams besides me to not suck. Prolly suck anyway. Wanna try.

-----end original op-----

Waitlist for...future iterations maybe I dunno?
Bright Bart
barnold(?)
alexandriao

Lock fucked around with this message at 16:40 on Jan 6, 2022

# ? Sep 3, 2021 17:45

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# ? May 6, 2024 12:49

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

FAQ:
1) This is horribly unbalanced.
Yes, I know, I don't care. It's a gimmick and I'm running with it. Also, not a question.

1A) Did you really just do the 'that's not a question' gag in your faq?
Yes, sorry.

2) What do I gotta do?
As little as you want. Lemme know here you're in and (if you're feeling proactive) shoot me a PM with your email. Otherwise I'll shoot you a PM with the league link. Beyond that? That's it, though feel free to talk about how bad your team is throughout the year.

3) I don't know crap about football.
same
Realtalk, it doesn't matter. It's 95% automatic; it's just an excuse to watch random numbers go up and pretend like we've accomplished something. I'm almost positive that I have things set up so that not even someone who knows what they're doing will have more than a coin flip's chance of winning every week. Any questions, just ask in the thread!)

4) What's with them asterisks?
*: About 1/3 of the way through the season, there will be real-world bye weeks, weeks where some teams don't play. You will have a chance to swap inactive players for active players if you wanna do that. And if you don't it probably won't matter anyway. Also, sadly, injuries happen. You'll have a chance to swap one of your players with the pool of unrostered players once a week. Again, this will almost definitely have zero effect on your chances of winning in this league.

**: I'm cheating a little: 10 yards of progress, whether by air or by land, is 1 point. Otherwise this would be insane. Also, there is an impossible play that has never happened in pro ball that will score your team 1000 points. Because I can.

5) This game ruins peoples' lives. The NFL's history on covering up the effects of repetitive brain injuries makes supporting the league unethical. How can you do this?
This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I'll get back to you on that.

6) What do I get if I win?
I'm thinking about that, but I'd like to do something for the winner, even if it's just chip in 10bux so you can add a note or tag to your avatar about how you won the first annual superbyob and make everyone else on these great forums jealous.

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 3, 2021 17:45

Manifisto

this sounds like a very byob amount of effort required and I'm in!

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Sep 3, 2021 17:59

alnilam

lol I'm in

# ? Sep 3, 2021 18:01

Stoner Sloth

well hey why not, count me in ( i literally know nothin gabout this sport)

# ? Sep 3, 2021 18:06

FluffieDuckie

I love this so much lock. Please sign me up for one football

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Sep 3, 2021 18:37

nut

I will win the sport

# ? Sep 3, 2021 18:55

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

i'm down

# ? Sep 3, 2021 20:33

Ass-penny

i know so little about american football that i call soccer football and the other american football.

that said i'm in

thank you so much to nesamdoom for the scurry fall sig!

(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻ #YesNutNovember - add this to your sig if you love and support BYOB's own nut

# ? Sep 3, 2021 20:48

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

I'm very in

# ? Sep 3, 2021 20:56

biosterous

i'm in! 99% of my foot-balle knowledge is from watching/reading Jon Bois' stuff

everyone needs to read the Tim Tebow CFL chronicles ok thanks

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Sep 4, 2021 00:04

xcheopis

Oh, I love foosball!

Fifteen years taking prescriptions
Now a shrink like, "I dunno, maybe get a kitten"

# ? Sep 4, 2021 00:23

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

I can't wait 'til it's MY turn at bat!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 00:43

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

I want to kick a home run

Eta: I legitimately hope to learn about American football but in a very BYOB way because I don't get it but I want to!!!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 00:44

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

oh sweet we got more than enough to make this work! Once I get back from work I�ll start sending out info if you wanna sign up. **BUT THERE IS STILL ROOM FOR MORE YOU YES YOU YOU CAN PLAY TOO**

couple�a notes:
- you do not have to sign up for espn�s site if you don�t want to. You can just tell me what to name your team. but you won�t be able to make lineup adjustments (again, not that that will likely matter)

- knowing nothing about football makes you about 73% more likely to win. seriously. the scoring for this league is abhorrent and i love it

- but if you legit do wanna learn about this rulebook of a sport, i am more than happy to inform

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 00:53

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

biosterous posted:

i'm in! 99% of my foot-balle knowledge is from watching/reading Jon Bois' stuff

everyone needs to read the Tim Tebow CFL chronicles ok thanks

also 17776 and 20020

also pretty much anything by jon bois

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 01:04

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

I want to play the fantasy foteball. The ny mets are my favorite squadron

----------------
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HopefulSophisticatedIndianrhinoceros-mobile.webm
"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? Sep 4, 2021 01:50

FluffieDuckie

I have to warn you guys I was raised in Texas and football is required in Texas so my football knowledge is off the charts. I�m sure this will propel me to victory

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 02:13

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

FluffieDuckie posted:

I have to warn you guys I was raised in Texas and football is required in Texas so my football knowledge is off the charts. I’m sure this will propel me to victory

I don't know anything about football and I'm from Oklahoma, is this why Tech always beats OSU

# ? Sep 4, 2021 02:19

nut

just making up a logo then i'll b entering as the Malabar Chestnuts

# ? Sep 4, 2021 15:31

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

My team will be called Roy's Orb Sons

# ? Sep 4, 2021 15:36

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

ok so we�ve currently got 14 (counting me) and that is a prime number of teams for a league...ok it�s not a prime number it�s even for starters what I meant to say is that it is a good number

but good has nothing to do with this. Still taking any who want in.

Just PM�d the signup link to y�all. One stumbling block I�ve already come across � I don�t think it�s gonna let me create teams for unregistered users. That�s cool, that�s fine, I�ll find a way around it even if I have to make burner accts.

That said, if you have a spam mail acct you�re ok using to sign up with, that�ll make things smoother. Your call though!

��
You keep saying this is an abomination. Why and how?

This is a sampling of the scoring of a normal league I�m in. Don�t worry if you don�t understand the labels, just know that really good things score multiple points, things that accumulate throughout a game get a few points per, and bad things get negative points.

Now here�s a sampling of our league�s scoring. Everything that can, gets your team 1 point. No matter how good, no matter how bad.

What�s not shown is just how many more ways there are to get points in this league. To real fake football, this is blasphemy. For us, effort is rewarded. Failure is another word for a successful learning opportunity. And your accomplishments, no matter how small, are just as important as anybody else�s.

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 15:41

Jinh

You mentioned blaseball so I'm in

# ? Sep 4, 2021 15:50

alnilam

I can make a burner account with guerilla mail but i won't be able to until tuesday, if you find a way to do it that will be cool. My team would like to be called Bob Ross's Secret Happy Little Football Team

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Sep 4, 2021 16:11

biosterous

the confused golfers don't know what's going on but they are gonna try real hard!

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Sep 4, 2021 16:17

nut

the malabar chestnuts r in it 2 win it!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 16:18

xcheopis

I'm going with The BYOB Nonchalants because the only naming at which I have any talent is pet names.

Fifteen years taking prescriptions
Now a shrink like, "I dunno, maybe get a kitten"

# ? Sep 4, 2021 16:36

Manifisto

nyc fighting capys 4 lyfe!!

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 16:38

biosterous

biosterous posted:

the confused golfers don't know what's going on but they are gonna try real hard!

no wait i like this better, this is the logo for now

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Sep 4, 2021 16:49

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

xcheopis posted:

I'm going with The BYOB Nonchalants because the only naming at which I have any talent is pet names.

# ? Sep 4, 2021 16:55

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

currently sitting on an island but later when I kayak back I'll get my team up and running

# ? Sep 4, 2021 17:04

take the moon: by sebmojo

i will play

e: diseascipline@gmail.com

take the moon fucked around with this message at 00:30 on Sep 5, 2021

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 18:57

Jinh

hard to find places with musical names so i used a location in canada

^{thanks so much cda <3}

# ? Sep 4, 2021 19:00

fps_nug: horsing around no longer

I'm so in. I dont have pms so you could email me at fpsnug@gmail.com

# ? Sep 4, 2021 19:09

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

nut posted:

the malabar chestnuts r in it 2 win it!

i'm in as the new england squirrels

Manifisto posted:

nyc fighting capys 4 lyfe!!

lmao

# ? Sep 4, 2021 20:21

FluffieDuckie

The mighty ducks reporting in

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 20:37

nut

FluffieDuckie posted:

The mighty ducks reporting in

# ? Sep 4, 2021 20:43

Manifisto

Luvcow posted:

i'm in as the new england squirrels

the gauntlet has been thrown down vs. the chestnuts!

FluffieDuckie posted:

The mighty ducks reporting in

lol

fierce

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Sep 4, 2021 21:28

cruft

LOL this thread.

"Hey I know y'all probably aren't huge football fans but I have this idea that I thi :goon:

# ? Sep 5, 2021 02:04

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 6, 2024 12:49

cruft

cruft posted:

LOL this thread.

"Hey I know y'all probably aren't huge football fans but I have this idea that I thi "

I am unfortunately not going to have time to fantasize about football, but I am absolutely here for :munch:

# ? Sep 5, 2021 02:06

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > FANTASY FOOTBALL - this is my worst idea and I need your help

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