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Manifisto posted:*having cornered a reluctant neighbor couple during the party* "a conventional oven can get up to around 500 degrees, 550 at best." said the dad. "this baby goes up to twelve thousand degrees. that's enough to incinerate essentially any material you put into it: concrete, rocks, steel, gemstones. it can heat metal to nearly the color and brightness of the sun. it can get so hot it is technically classified as a weapon. we show up on spy satellites with the heat signature of a bitcoin rig or a small nuclear explosion. any pizza you might put into it would vanish in a puff of smoke, probably along with whatever you used to put the pizza in the oven. it could burn down not just this house, not just this block, but this entire neighborhood. of course," he rolled his eyes, "debra disapproves." the oven so hot it destroys itself ---------------- |
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Sep 22, 2021 15:57
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| # ? May 10, 2024 22:50 |
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pie man at a neighbour's house, sipping a beer and staring at the kid's sandbox neighbour: what's up fr...i mean, pie man? pie man: just thinking about how hard it must be to cook a pie in that
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Sep 22, 2021 16:11
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nut posted:pie man at a neighbour's house, sipping a beer and staring at the kid's sandbox
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Sep 22, 2021 16:20
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*starts a little hobby/side-business cooking up pizzas on demand for friends around the neighborhood. Hand-delivers them too.* *dies suddenly of unrelated causes* |
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Sep 22, 2021 16:28
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LargeHadron posted:*starts a little hobby/side-business cooking up pizzas on demand for friends around the neighborhood. Hand-delivers them too.* *cut to different suburban dad, standing near their front door, who keeps looking at his wristwatch and frowning*
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Sep 22, 2021 16:38
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pie wife: ugh, i got a flat on my way home from work, I'm going to have to take the car in to get a new tire pie man: y'know, I was reading this children's picture book with some really new, inventive ideas. I think I co-- pie wife: no
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Sep 22, 2021 16:49
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"Don't worry honey, I'll make dinner tonight." Dad declares it to be Make Your Own Pizza Night. Mom gets stuck putting the sauce, cheese, and toppings on all the pizzas with the kids yelling their orders over the video game they're playing in the other room and Dad constantly needing to "check on the fire" and not wanting to "crowd the counter." Dad slides the pizzas into and out of the oven with the gravitas of a man performing brain surgery. Mom cleans up. |
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Sep 22, 2021 17:08
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Ok, dad's can't live on pizza alone... I'm declaring it TACO FIESTA NIGHT. *does a little jock jams style dance and then leaves to practice hockey moves in the driveway for 1.6 hours*
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Sep 22, 2021 17:33
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oh so what, so the pizza fell into the coals for a second. we got it right out! just wipe it off! see, it's coming right off. it's fine
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Sep 22, 2021 17:56
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google THIS posted:"Don't worry honey, I'll make dinner tonight." https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
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Sep 22, 2021 19:05
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Manifisto posted:*cut to different suburban dad, standing near their front door, who keeps looking at his wristwatch and frowning* *penderecki's threnody plays softly at first then gets really loving loud* man, david lynch has still got it! |
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Sep 22, 2021 19:28
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LargeHadron posted:*penderecki's threnody plays softly at first then gets really loving loud* man, david lynch has still got it! *webern string quartet plays as dad walks away from door with pizza looking grumpy* ---------------- |
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Sep 22, 2021 19:37
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empty whippet box posted:*webern string quartet plays as dad walks away from door with pizza looking grumpy* *wait but how did he get the pizza* |
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Sep 22, 2021 20:30
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he's delivering!! he's the pizza dad. nobody answered the door and now he's stuck with this dang pizza! oh well, more pizza for him!!!!
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Sep 22, 2021 20:31
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is it like he was the next pizza dad in line after the original one passed, and he's sad because there's nobody to deliver the pizza to, because the pizza was for him (as a customer) but now there is no longer a customer since the customer is now the deliverer? *pendercki's threnody begins to play quietly* |
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Sep 22, 2021 21:09
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I built my pizza oven from a kit I bought under a fake name. I secretly disposed of all the packaging before my wife got home so I could claim I'm building the oven from scratch, from my own design. If my wife is going to reheat frozen dinners before I get home from work and pretend she cooked them from her own family recipes, I can do the same. Marvel at my sham oven, Alice, like I pretend to delight in your pre-made lasagna. How long before you put frozen pizzas in my oven, Alice, how long? |
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Sep 23, 2021 04:11
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kids, kids, get the hell outta the way, no, I don’t care where, ugh, just go…alright great, so like I was saying that pie is the one I’m probably most proud of…from today’s selection of course
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Sep 23, 2021 04:21
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Honey? Honey? Have you ever heard about...(pauses for dramatic effect)...focaccia? It's this flat bread! Similar to pizza! But without toppings! Except maybe like rosemary and salt! Maybe olives! Some places they even call it pizza bianca! Do you understand what this means honey??? This means I can make bread for the kids sandwiches in the pizza oven! Not such a "dumb waste of money" now, is it? 
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Sep 23, 2021 04:27
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Escape From Noise posted:Honey? Honey? Have you ever heard about...(pauses for dramatic effect)...focaccia? It's this flat bread! Similar to pizza! But without toppings! Except maybe like rosemary and salt! Maybe olives! Some places they even call it pizza bianca! Do you understand what this means honey??? This means I can make bread for the kids sandwiches in the pizza oven! Not such a "dumb waste of money" now, is it? ngl if dad made kid me foccaccia bread for sandwiches in a pizza oven he'd be dad of the year for sure hell anyone who makes me foccaccia now deserves an award the nower the better
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Sep 23, 2021 04:33
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Manifisto posted:ngl if dad made kid me foccaccia bread for sandwiches in a pizza oven he'd be dad of the year for sure I will make you some this weekend, I will leave it beneath a stone in my backyard. You can just show yourself in.
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Sep 23, 2021 06:43
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Space Taxi posted:I built my pizza oven from a kit I bought under a fake name. I secretly disposed of all the packaging before my wife got home so I could claim I'm building the oven from scratch, from my own design. If my wife is going to reheat frozen dinners before I get home from work and pretend she cooked them from her own family recipes, I can do the same. https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
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Sep 23, 2021 08:44
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Getting in a violent disagreement with the neighbor over his claims that a Green Egg is "just as good, if not better than a real pizza oven" and "an all-around sounder investment". |
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Feb 24, 2022 07:16
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ooh the bricks stay hot for quite a while after the pizza is done *looks unsettled*
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Feb 24, 2022 18:09
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i shall be angry if anyone touches the pizza thermostat
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Feb 24, 2022 18:18
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We're not using the pizza oven for your birthday, son. I don't want your rowdy friends to climb on it and damage it. |
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Feb 24, 2022 19:14
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What? Eat it! It's sanitary! It literally fell into burning coals! |
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Feb 24, 2022 19:39
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Dr. Honked posted:i shall be angry if anyone touches the pizza thermostat |
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Feb 25, 2022 05:53
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*the next morning, out back, resting his hand on the brick oven* I think…is it still warm? *looks more concerned than yesterday*
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Feb 25, 2022 05:54
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Bragging to the boys over a couple of beers that I've bought an assault rifle, just so I can shoot the pizza oven, you know, IF it comes to that. It's a security thing, gotta keep the family safe from rogue zas.
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Feb 25, 2022 08:52
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*gesturing to absolutely hosed paper target at the range* well yeah I missed where the HUMAN body parts would be, I'm practicing to protect myself against a pizza oven. Much tougher hide than a person and you gotta aim for the digital thermometer, that's where its soul lives
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Feb 25, 2022 08:54
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How Wonderful! posted:Bragging to the boys over a couple of beers that I've bought an assault rifle, just so I can shoot the pizza oven, you know, IF it comes to that. It's a security thing, gotta keep the family safe from rogue zas. antifzas
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Feb 25, 2022 14:38
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How Wonderful! posted:*gesturing to absolutely hosed paper target at the range*
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Feb 25, 2022 15:21
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What's that, a pizza stone? Tell me you aren't still using your kitchen oven to make pizza like it's 2010. Oh my God, dude, you have to get an outdoor wood fired pizza oven. You don't have to spend big bucks either, I built this one for maybe $2000 in materials over a couple of months. Trust me, it's worth it. You can cook all kinds of stuff in it, like pizza, bread, garlic bread, pizza bread, garlic pizza, pretty much anything. Naans. I figure it'll pay for itself in three, four years tops. *flash forward 3-4 years, the pizza oven lies abandoned and forlorn, inhabited by a family of bat's, while suburban dad heats up a delissio frozen pizza in the toaster oven.* |
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Feb 25, 2022 15:34
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What kinda tasty pies are those bats cookin up in the dead of night???
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Feb 25, 2022 15:40
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How Wonderful! posted:What kinda tasty pies are those bats cookin up in the dead of night??? Bat pie cookin' in the dead of niiiight |
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Feb 25, 2022 16:28
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Escape From Noise posted:Bat pie cookin' in the dead of niiiight grill these crispy wings and fly awayyy
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Feb 25, 2022 16:37
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Escape From Noise posted:Bat pie cookin' in the dead of niiiight oh i mean: grill these crispy wings and learn to fry
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Feb 25, 2022 16:38
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exit light enter pie get my pan we're off to backyard pizza land (:
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Feb 25, 2022 17:16
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Dr. Honked posted:oh i mean: All your life You were only waiting for the pizza dough to rise |
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Feb 25, 2022 17:17
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| # ? May 10, 2024 22:50 |
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I once had a grill Or should I say it once had me It showed me its food Isn't it good, fired with wood?
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Feb 25, 2022 17:25
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