Oct 2021 CE: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sigh

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Oct 2021 CE: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sigh

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

Not much of a current event, but I'm fighting a cold (waiting on test results to know if it's covid, but I'm feeling fine and I'm through the worst parts of it) and it's hosed my throat up. On the plus side, I sound like Duke Nukem. Anyone have any funny voice lines or overly dramatic movie trailer voiceovers they'd like to hear? Might as well get some mileage out of this while it lasts.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2021 23:00

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 08:27

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

e: ^^^ one minute

bulletsponge13 posted:

Overly dramatic Kajima esque readings of various romantic quotes, poems, and sonnets would do well on YT.

If my voice stays this way for a bit, I might give that a shot. It'll probably pass by monday, if this really is a cold. That and it hurts to speak for long stretches, but editing can fix that.

In the meantime, here's Solid Snake reading Hamlet

https://vocaroo.com/1l3tiRCSjYhp

facialimpediment posted:

https://www.courthousenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Bauer-capitol-motion-dismiss.pdf

https://vocaroo.com/1arU3vLI8iSN

This one wasn't as fun as I thought it would be, I started this one and stopped when I noticed it's 114 pages. I did my best

# ¿ Oct 2, 2021 23:35

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

facialimpediment posted:

I posted that as a gag, but I giggled pretty hard at the opener when it gets particularly weird. I do wonder how nuts it would be in a celebrity reading, like Morgan Freeman or Christopher Walken.

I was gonna spoof it up, but honestly it's nutty enough as it is. It really goes off the rails as you scroll down, going to any random page is gold

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

The second coming

Feel like I could have done this one better, but here you go:
https://vocaroo.com/18QmYvZW4s5q

Also, bonus clip of when I started goofing around this morning
https://vocaroo.com/16L13igyTOAv

# ¿ Oct 2, 2021 23:47

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Glorious.

Glad you like it

The more I talk the more it hurts, but at least it's entertaining

# ¿ Oct 3, 2021 00:20

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

bulletsponge13 posted:

I love this. ❤

Grover predictions could be fun.

This works way better than it should, it feels like a cheesy 80s action flick trailer. He probably would have envisioned it like this without a shred of irony.

Split in two because I had to pause for a bit:

https://vocaroo.com/1ksnPL4OJxeA
https://vocaroo.com/19U8PwhrebVk

edit:
Because this was a bit hard to find, quoting it here so you can read/laugh along

quote:

Grover posted:

How long will it take to capture Baghdad? 2 days
Will Saddam be killed? Yes
Total Iraqi civillian casualties: 500 dead
Total military casualties Iraq: 3000 dead
Total military casualties U.S.: 15 dead
Will the Iraqi army regulars hold the lines? No
Will the Republican Guard fight to the end? No
Will chem/bio weapons be used on invading troops?: Yes
Will Saddam launch attacks on the Kurds? Yes
Will Saddam launch attacks on Israel? No
-If yes; will Isreal retaliate harshly? Yes
Will Saddam sacrifice Baghdad (gas/nuke it)? No
Will the Kurds make a grab for independence? Yes
Will Iran do anything silly like try for land? Yes
Will Saddam burn the oil fields? Yes
How long will the US be occupying Iraq? ~15 years
Will the Iraq war catalyze increased terrorism in America?No
In the long run, will this war be good or bad for the world? Good

We have to look at what those civilian casualties are- just because they're civilian doesn't make them innocent! Lets take a look at a few possibilities:

1) A civilian walking down the street to market gets killed by a cruise missile fired at the market.

2) A civilian asleep in their house is killed when their house is targetting by a smart bomb and blown up.

OK, these two are regrettable innocents being killed- but since the US doesn't make a habit of targetting markets or houses, they're very small in number!

3) A civilian working at a chemical weapon factory gets killed when the chemical weapon plant is bombed.

4) A civilian security guard at a weapons depot is killed when the weapons explode.

5) A civilian contractor repairing a tank is killed by a MOAB dropped on the unit.

6) A civilian engineer is killed when the military command center he works at is destroyed.

7) A civilian delivering snackiecakes to the baghdad bunker vending machines eats a 5,000lb bunker buster.

etc, etc. The list goes on. My point is that there are a lot of civilians directly supporting the military that aren't exactly "innocent" and would be mire rightly counted among the military casualties than civilian. I'm a civilian and work for the US military, but I acknowledge I'm also a valid military target because of what I do. And I think the vast majority of civilian casualties in this campaign will not be innocent.

As Nero Danced fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Oct 3, 2021

# ¿ Oct 3, 2021 00:41

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

That Works posted:

https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/1444029375272325124

When I heard about this I thought it was a joke. Holy poo poo he pulled it off!

# ¿ Oct 6, 2021 19:18

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

I only remember the hippo attack and xenonorph sentry-gun scene from Congo, that and Tim Curry saying Zinj. I don't even remember Bruce Campbell being in it. I'm still out sick, I think I need to rewatch it today.

# ¿ Oct 8, 2021 16:09

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

Terrifying Effigies posted:

What's great is how much of Evil Dead comes through parts of Raimi's Spiderman 2:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz-17z44F6g

Man I haven't seen that movie in a long time, I need to revisit the trilogy before no way home comes out. I remember parts of 3 were better than the whole, if only the studio had left him alone. Never saw either of the ASM movies either, might as well get those out of the way.

# ¿ Oct 8, 2021 20:04

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 08:27

As Nero Danced: Sep 3, 2009; Alright, let's do this

facialimpediment posted:

The crazy poo poo ain't done yet.

https://twitter.com/gabrielmalor/status/1450451021893935112?t=bKlmS9vPCgKjgSA76TPzug&s=19

He announced HEY I'M GETTING INDICTED FOR LYING BY THE LYING FBI THAT I TALKED TO WITHOUT A LAWYER in a Truck Video because why wouldn't you?

https://youtu.be/VHcIBNazStw

Of course he had to throw in "fbi agents from California."

Buddy, there's an office in Omaha. Just because they weren't a couple good ol boys doesn't make it a nefarious coastal elite plot to get you in trouble. You did that well enough on your own.

# ¿ Oct 19, 2021 15:38

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Oct 2021 CE: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sigh