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Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


AITA For being mad at my wife for causing a scene at the restaurant?

quote:

My wife has long lasting issues with her mother. She hasn't spoken to her in 6 years. To be frank I've never understood why my wife doesn't want her mother around. All I know is their relationship went south after my FIL divorced my MIL. It was a decision they both made so I don't get why she keeps punishing her mother like that. I Was open to have meetings with my MIL. I have been in contact with her for a year and my wife knew. She said It's up to me to want to have a relationship with her mom but I shouldn't try to make her re-establish a relationship with her. Things remained the same for months. My MIL would see my wife few times a week but they don't talk. and I just thought that my wife and MIL were stuck in this conflict and needed one meeting to at least open up to tackle this issue. Especially before our son is born.

I arranged for dinner at a restaurant on mother's day. My wife thought it was just 2 of us but I kept giving her hints about the person I was expecting. My MIL arrived and next thing I knew my wife got up from her seat and started yelling infront of everybody. I told her that her mom tried many times to reconcile but she was being unfair with her grudge holding attitude and not giving her a chance for a sincere talk. All I ask for was to sit down and talk things out with her mom.

She said she didn't want to see her especially on this day and thought I was doing this for her as a mom. And I was!. I begged her to sit and I'd get her mom to leave if she was bothered that much but she didn't listen, my MIL was standing behind crying while everyone was looking. My wife took her phone and purse then left. I had mixed feelings but I felt mostly upset things played out different than what I had in mind since my wife no problem with her mom speaking to me.

My wife has been staying with a friend for a week I visited her twice to talk and every time we ended up arguing. I told her she didn't need to cause a scene at the restaurant and could've been a little bit graceful to sit with her mom at the table to talk but she said I needed to blame myself. I asked her didn't mother's day mean anything to her? All I got was a cold stare

Growing up without my mother made my life incomplete. I never had any mother figures in my life and it's because of my father. I just think everyone should count her their blessing and she should realize it's never too late to fix the problem between her and her mom if she chooses to see how lucky she was to still have her mom alive. But she kept blaming me for the scene at the restaurant and said she won't forget that day and flatout told me "You know what's the worst thing about betrayal, it never comes from an enemy."

This complicated the matter more. I thought about what went wrong and it's clear my wife isn't willing to even try.

Edit: I 23M.

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Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011

Pictured: Poster prepares to celebrate Holy Communion (probablY)

This avatar made possible by a gift from the Religionthread Posters Relief Fund
Jesus CHRIST you loving moron. Just don't do things specifically counter to what your partner has told you, you howling poo poo

MajorBonnet
May 28, 2009

How did I get here?
But he doesn't have a mom and by marrying he's supposed to get 2!

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Elissimpark posted:

Lol, Crown. I feel I've asked this before, but when were you there?

A lifetime ago. I did 2 or 3 years there around '04. Coz I am old.

Cloacamazing!
Apr 18, 2018

Too cute to be evil

MajorBonnet posted:

But he doesn't have a mom and by marrying he's supposed to get 2!

No, it's stupider: He likes the mom so his girlfriend should like the mom too, because his opinion is the only correct opinion and as soon as he can get her to think rationally, his girlfriend will understand and come to the same opinion.

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe

Sekenr posted:

What I don't get about stories like that is how the apologizing party seems to go to great lenghts to get the other to return but can't help but call them a bitch about making a fuss and being hurt like a a baby. How is that supposed to advance the end goal of getting one to come "home".

They don't have a good understanding of other people's thoughts and feelings so they treat them like black boxes that respond to stimuli in a vacuum. So they're just cycling through different approaches in the hope that one of them will get the response they're looking for.

FewtureMD
Dec 19, 2010

I am very powerful, of course.


mystes posted:

maybe they could have maintained cordial relations in that case

Thank you for the hearty guffaw I let out upon reading this, it's been a rough week.

limp_cheese
Sep 10, 2007


Nothing to see here. Move along.

Mx. posted:

AITA For being mad at my wife for causing a scene at the restaurant?

I asked her didn't mother's day mean anything to her? All I got was a cold stare

loving :lol: Incredible. Its a good thing she is having a baby with this man.

Pantaloon Pontiff
Jun 25, 2023

Bobstar posted:

"Please stop following me, I'm running out of parents' houses"

You've made me imagine a half-serious movie or show about family connections using this as a framing story. The girlfriend has the drunken 'share his intimate letters' party with her friends, our protagonist (OP) grabs his stuff and heads to his mother's house. We get a view of his mother and their relationship, but then the girlfriend shows up to talk. When she doesn't leave, he goes to his father's house, and we see some of him and his relationship with is father. But she shows up, and again refuses to leave, so he goes to another relative's house, we see some of his relationship with that relative, and again she shows up and the pattern repeats through distant relatives, friends, and neighbors.

I don't think something based on a mix of examining family relationships and absurdism would have wide appeal, but I like the idea.

deety
Aug 2, 2004

zombies + sharks = fun

I (43m) accidentally insulted my partner (43f) and she has remained cold ever since. And she wears sweats all the time now.

quote:

We have been a couple for 7 years. I only now realize we both view her very differently.

From my perspective, she's never been interested in fashion at all. Always wears black jeans. She has dozens of black tops. She doesn't wear makeup. Doesn't get her nails done. Only does root touch ups. And I love her and don't care about this at all.

From her perspective apparently, she dresses elegantly and minimalistic. She says she is always wearing "no makeup" makeup (I guess she means mascara - not sure). She says she pays the salon every month to colour her hair or it would be grey.

The reason this all came up is that we met up with friends and one of the women is very fashionable. Always done up. I had mentioned in passing to my partner that I loved that she wore vibrant colors. My partner had said she personally isn't a fan of bright colors and in the past when she has tried to wear them she doesn't like how it looks. I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention. And that's probably why our friend does it. Anyway, this was the gist of the conversation. If my partner was getting upset I wasn't picking up on that.

I honestly don't even recall what I was saying that made her mad, but she ended up annoyed with something. I was truly confused, but we ended up in an argument. I told her that based on how she looks I had no idea she cared about looks or fashion. She was getting really angry at me (which tends to make me mad too) so I told her that if she cares THAT much (to my surprise) she should present herself better.

She insisted I tell her what I meant and so I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy. I also told her I don't care at all, but since she appears to, she should try to dress more fashionable.

This was 3 weeks ago and she was very angry with me. Now she's not "angry" but she's remained cold. And she now has taken to dressing in sweat pants/sweat shirts. She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place).

Obviously I put my foot in my mouth and I have apologized. But she doesn't care....she says she won't forget what I said. I really just want her to drop this. Is this something that needs therapy? Or just time?



TL;DR: I insulted my partner and she says she won't get over it.

It's funny enough that this guy doesn't think his partner has any fashion sense because she doesn't wear bright colors. But how can you be with someone for seven years and just not notice the products and time that go into a no-makeup makeup routine?

I love the "I really just want her to drop this" part. Sure, guy. Of course you do. Maybe you should have thought about that before you shot your mouth off about how she should forget her own taste and comfort to dress more like your flashier friend.

FMguru
Sep 10, 2003

peed on;
sexually
Mostly meh, but OP gets off a great line

AITAH for making my ex’s fiancee cry?

quote:

I feel like poo poo so I am probably the AH. My (f44) ex (then husband) (m49) cheated on me with his current fiancée (f30). This was 2 years ago. I found out when she contacted me to tell me to leave his house. She was pregnant. I was broken because I thought he loved me. He begged me to work things out. I don’t know why I agreed at first, maybe because I wasn’t catching up with the changes. A couple of months later with lots of couples counseling I realized I wasn’t in love with him anymore. He went back to his gf and they got engaged. I started dating my bf(m40) not long after.

Now they have had their child and I thought they were happy. At least if you believed the girl’s instagram (I don’t follow her because she used her social media to bash me and call me bitter and jealous). Anyway we are cordial now.

Yesterday my daughter turned 15 and we had a party. She was following me around like she wanted to talk. Then she offered to help cleaning. She started asking weird questions about my relationship with her fiancé and how it was. I realized that she was talking about sex. They’re not having any since they conceived. I was embarrassed and confused. I tried to explain that it was different since we met in our 20’s and that men’s drive plummeted when they got older. She looked a mixture of shocked and sad. I asked her why she didn’t find someone her age instead of sleeping with a married older man. She got angry but I told her that while his drive will be worse hers will increase. She looked literally panicked. He doesn’t seem a prize you’ve won from me now huh? She started crying.

So yeah I am the ah. I didn’t even apologize. I know my remark was nasty and in reference to her saying she won and love prevailed when they got together. She will not leave him either because he pays for everything and she doesn’t work. So my comment was unnecessary. I don’t know why I said it. Thinking back, she’s done me a favor since I now have a sex life again.

But I still don’t understand. Why do some girls get together with so much older men? Don’t they know what awaits them? I don’t know. I have never seen a happy woman in an age gap relationship. Not sexually satisfied anyway. Maybe I am odd for believing sex is very important in relationships? I don’t know.
LMAO. The price of getting what you want is having the thing that you wanted.

Commenters point out the dead bedroom is probably a sign that he's already moved on to his next bit of young stuff.

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

If he actually said the words he wrote in that post she should leave his rear end, goddamn.

"Boring"? "Old"? loving "dumpy"? Those are words to describe someone you hate.

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp

Sekenr posted:

What I don't get about stories like that is how the apologizing party seems to go to great lenghts to get the other to return but can't help but call them a bitch about making a fuss and being hurt like a a baby. How is that supposed to advance the end goal of getting one to come "home".

Corzaa posted:

They’re trying to admonish them into submission.

Got to be clear that the apology in no way meams things will change or it won't happen again

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...



deety posted:

I (43m) accidentally insulted my partner (43f) and she has remained cold ever since. And she wears sweats all the time now.

It's funny enough that this guy doesn't think his partner has any fashion sense because she doesn't wear bright colors. But how can you be with someone for seven years and just not notice the products and time that go into a no-makeup makeup routine?

I love the "I really just want her to drop this" part. Sure, guy. Of course you do. Maybe you should have thought about that before you shot your mouth off about how she should forget her own taste and comfort to dress more like your flashier friend.

I have to imagine this idiot's apology was along the lines of "I'm sorry, honey, I see now that I should have respected your personal decision to look like a dumpy grandma because that's what's important to you"

kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

actually, yeah, I am a little mad

deety posted:

I (43m) accidentally insulted my partner (43f) and she has remained cold ever since. And she wears sweats all the time now.

I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention.
I honestly don't even recall what I was saying that made her mad
I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy
I never thought she dressed nice in the first place
Is this something that needs therapy?

DangerDongs
Nov 7, 2010

Grimey Drawer
What moron doesn't like a woman in a pair of tight black jeans.

deety
Aug 2, 2004

zombies + sharks = fun

Captain Hygiene posted:

I have to imagine this idiot's apology was along the lines of "I'm sorry, honey, I see now that I should have respected your personal decision to look like a dumpy grandma because that's what's important to you"

It probably included that bit from the start of the post where he lists all her shortfalls and claims not to care about them despite how weirdly detailed his examples are.

Serene Dragon
Mar 31, 2011

Captain Hygiene posted:

I have to imagine this idiot's apology was along the lines of "I'm sorry, honey, I see now that I should have respected your personal decision to look like a dumpy grandma because that's what's important to you"

Luckily, someone did ask how he apologised and he responded:

"I told her I was sorry for saying that and I love her and I don't care at all how she dresses. Our conversation wasn't about her at all...it was really just a casual conversation about fashion and color"

mystes
May 31, 2006

FMguru posted:

Mostly meh, but OP gets off a great line

AITAH for making my ex’s fiancee cry?


LMAO. The price of getting what you want is having the thing that you wanted.

Commenters point out the dead bedroom is probably a sign that he's already moved on to his next bit of young stuff.
I mean yeah it's not that he doesn't have a sex drive, he's obviously just doing the same thing he did to OP to the new fiancee so it's actually kind of worse than what she said

mystes fucked around with this message at 17:31 on Mar 29, 2024

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Serene Dragon posted:

Luckily, someone did ask how he apologised and he responded:

"I told her I was sorry for saying that and I love her and I don't care at all how she dresses. Our conversation wasn't about her at all...it was really just a casual conversation about fashion and color"

OH MY GOD STOP SAYING YOU "DON'T CARE" HOW YOUR WIFE DRESSES

drat, this guy. Why the gently caress can't he say something positive about her!?

Teriyaki Koinku
Nov 25, 2008

Bread! Bread! Bread!

Bread! BREAD! BREAD!

Mx. posted:

AITA For being mad at my wife for causing a scene at the restaurant?

What the gently caress is this guy's problem? It's not his loving place to intervene in their relationship, especially behind her back like this.

As someone who's had chronic relationship issues with toxic parents myself, this poo poo makes me angry on her behalf. If I were her I'd dump his loving dumb rear end immediately. :mad:

Pantaloon Pontiff
Jun 25, 2023

deety posted:

It's funny enough that this guy doesn't think his partner has any fashion sense because she doesn't wear bright colors. But how can you be with someone for seven years and just not notice the products and time that go into a no-makeup makeup routine?

It amazes me that someone who knows as little about fashion as this guy would insult* the fashion she chose and claim it's not even fashion when 'simple elegant black' is a a very traditional piece of fashion. I'm mostly oblivious to fashion, and used to be even more oblivious, but I was a teenager (or maybe younger) when I first heard the idea of the 'little black dress' for cocktail parties.

*The wording he used when talking about it is insulting, and I expect OP's to shade things to their favor, so what he actually said was probably worse.

Teriyaki Koinku
Nov 25, 2008

Bread! Bread! Bread!

Bread! BREAD! BREAD!

Crocobile posted:

Lmao that “taking the next step” is proposing, not like… kissing or cuddling at least.

Maybe he's secretly Mormon? :v:

BOOTY-ADE
Aug 30, 2006

BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

DangerDongs posted:

What moron doesn't like a woman in a pair of tight black jeans.

Let he who has not seen The Matrix cast the first incorrect opinion about women's fashion

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007

If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

deety posted:

I (43m) accidentally insulted my partner (43f) and she has remained cold ever since. And she wears sweats all the time now.

This fuggin guy.

OP posted:

To be fair, I wasn't at all aware that she puts effort into looking nice. I'm not trying to be horrible...I'm being honest. I didn't know she CARED because she never appears to try.

And I only told her she dresses dumpy and looks old when she INSISTED I explain what I meant. To me, she has the potential to look great. She never appears to do anything to try. Once I casually suggested she try acrylic nails and she got annoyed with me and said that definitely wasn't her style. I'm pretty sure that most people who saw her would agree that she dresses to blend quietly into the background.
The most oblivious man.

OP posted:

She said she's not going to get over this and she doesn't feel comfortable with someone who views her like "that" (I guess referencing the dumpy comment). I sent her some links showing her what I meant (fashion blogs showing easy ways to elevate style) but she just argued with me.
"I'm sorry for saying you look like poo poo. I promise I don't care that you look like poo poo!!"

OP posted:

I told her I was sorry for saying that and I love her and I don't care at all how she dresses. Our conversation wasn't about her at all...it was really just a casual conversation about fashion and color.
"But also, here are some things you can do to not look like poo poo!"

OP posted:

Because she asked repeatedly what I mean by saying if she cared so much then she should try to look good. She said she DID look good, and it snowballed from there.
Zero hope for this man.

Someone on Reddit posted:

You have the tact of a brick, and the taste of a guy who thinks Hooters is a date destination.

keep punching joe
Jan 22, 2006

Die Satan!
Dudes wife sounds hot.

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Mordiceius posted:

She said she DID look good

This right here should have been the point at which it hit him, full force, but it just bounced off

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007

If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Brawnfire posted:

This right here should have been the point at which it hit him, full force, but it just bounced off

Women should constantly be adapting their looks exclusively to my specific tastes in fashion and beauty. Why is my wife acting cold toward me?

FMguru
Sep 10, 2003

peed on;
sexually

mystes posted:

I mean yeah it's not that he doesn't have a sex drive, he's obviously just doing the same thing he did to OP to the new fiancee so it's actually kind of worse than what she said
True. It just always tickles me when a mistress manages to land her man, and then gets blindsided when he starts catting around. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

Kuros
Sep 13, 2010

Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

deety posted:

I (43m) accidentally insulted my partner (43f) and she has remained cold ever since. And she wears sweats all the time now.

I only called her an ugly hose beast! Why is she so angry!?

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench

keep punching joe posted:

Dudes wife sounds hot.
"I have a good looking partner, but she's a goth and not a barbie girl or flower child, how can I change her ways? Also we are both in our 40s."

Bruh

killerwhat
May 13, 2010

deety posted:

I (43m) accidentally insulted my partner (43f) and she has remained cold ever since. And she wears sweats all the time now.

Total accident to insult her! Accidents repeatedly happen, what can I say

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

killerwhat posted:

Total accident to insult her! Accidents repeatedly happen, what can I say

Well it was unintentional, how was he supposed to know she cared about her appearance, and valued the attraction of her husband? He's no mind-reader.

Nebrilos
Oct 9, 2012

Sekenr posted:

What I don't get about stories like that is how the apologizing party seems to go to great lenghts to get the other to return but can't help but call them a bitch about making a fuss and being hurt like a a baby. How is that supposed to advance the end goal of getting one to come "home".

"I'm sorry" is literally magic words. Once you say them, the other party HAS to forgive you and everything HAS to go back to normal. What? It didn't work? Ohhh that makes me so MAD! Why are you ruining everything!

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

Mordiceius posted:

This fuggin guy.

The most oblivious man.

"I'm sorry for saying you look like poo poo. I promise I don't care that you look like poo poo!!"

"But also, here are some things you can do to not look like poo poo!"

Zero hope for this man.

Total velvet Elvis man.

idiotsavant
Jun 4, 2000

Sekenr posted:

What I don't get about stories like that is how the apologizing party seems to go to great lenghts to get the other to return but can't help but call them a bitch about making a fuss and being hurt like a a baby. How is that supposed to advance the end goal of getting one to come "home".

Idk I mean the handsy stuff is not great but him throwing a giant pouty fit to the point of breaking up over her reading his love letters to her good friends (and them being like “drat, what a catch” lol) is a big ol bitch baby move

Pantaloon Pontiff
Jun 25, 2023

FMguru posted:

True. It just always tickles me when a mistress manages to land her man, and then gets blindsided when he starts catting around. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

It's funny to read sites, groups, or threads devoted to being "A beloved secret" (to steal the title I remember from one) when people talk about their success stories. The Beloved Secret is always completely blindsided when the partner who was dating or married to someone when they met ends up finding another side piece Beloved Secret shortly after getting married to or moved in with the original one. You'll see the same thing multiple times, and every time the other commenters offer up their sympathy and surprise.

On a similar note, I don't have quotes and it may not even be around, but I remember a funny forum thread (not here) where someone complained about how shallow and materialistic women were, since they were always posting pictures of expensive outfits and trips on the websites he was on. Later in the thread he casually linked to a couple of profiles to show what he meant, as people clearly weren't understanding him. It turned out that all of the websites he was referencing were 'connect sugar babies with sugar daddies' sites and he somehow didn't want to acknowledge that of course women looking for sugar daddies are going to be materialistic.

CannonFodder posted:

"I have a good looking partner, but she's a goth and not a barbie girl or flower child, how can I change her ways? Also we are both in our 40s."

I'm not sure her look is even goth, to me that usually implies a significant amount of lace and/or leather with the black and obvious makeup (black or dark facial highlights, black nails, and maybe white facepaint at parties and clubs). To me it sounds like she goes for straight black in simple designs that would fit in almost anywhere.

Remulak
Jun 8, 2001
I can't count to four.
Yams Fan

Mx. posted:

"You know what's the worst thing about betrayal, it never comes from an enemy."
:rip:

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

idiotsavant posted:

Idk I mean the handsy stuff is not great but him throwing a giant pouty fit to the point of breaking up over her reading his love letters to her good friends (and them being like “drat, what a catch” lol) is a big ol bitch baby move

quote:

Her sister made a remark about how she wanted me to do her the way I do her sister because she had never felt that way.

This is fuckin creepy and I'd want to get out of there too if someone was doing this and getting their hands all over me.

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Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

idiotsavant posted:

Idk I mean the handsy stuff is not great but him throwing a giant pouty fit to the point of breaking up over her reading his love letters to her good friends (and them being like “drat, what a catch” lol) is a big ol bitch baby move

Some silly weirdos might consider those deeply personal

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