r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

(22/F) How to politely tell a man(27/M) that is noticeably attached in the talking stage that we won�t work out anymore?

quote:

I�ve been seeing this guy for about two months and been noticing characteristics that I�m not fond of. Those being he doesn�t take care of his hygiene. Facial grooming, clothing, his hair, and he has even told me he didn�t brush his teeth before our dates because he forgot. My parents told me they don�t approve of him due to his appearance, they accused him of being satanic because he wore a hat with a star on it(it was a spiritual symbol and my parents are strict due to my past with men, so they profile and are a bit conservative) and his introduction towards my dad.(He just said his name, shook my dads hand, and we left for our date.)

My parents had a conversation with me for a good hour last week about what they didn�t like and what my dad sees in men like him and how they wouldn�t approve of us as a couple if it were to escalate. After our talk was done, I locked myself in my room and I assume my parents felt bad and asked if I was still gonna see him still. My mom sent me a text that she just cares about me and doesn�t want me to get hurt and that she�ll listen if I talk to her about him but this whole situation is giving me loads of anxiety. I felt like they didn�t give him a chance and definitely profiled him. I was genuinely upset but I respected their decision and I don�t think I could be with someone who left a first bad impression with my parents and decided to text him that I couldn�t see him anymore and wished him luck. Shortly after sending that text, he started spamming me. He left me a voice mail, and had 2 missed calls begging to talk to him. He apologized later for his burst and said I hit the eject button and confessed that he has a fear of abandonment because everyone �leaves him�. This kinda didn�t sit right with me and gave me �woe is me� vibes. We talked on the phone later that night to talk things out and explained in detail about his history(it�s linked with his family). I felt better after our conversation and was feeling hopeful. A couple of days later, he even went so far and went with me to the mall to pick an outfit to wear for a re-introduction for my parents and is scheduling a haircut appointment. Although, I feel a bit conflicted because I�ve just had al lot of time to think for myself. I can see this guy trying hard for me, I like him and we have A LOT of similarities but these things are a turn off for me and the situation with my parents is giving me anxiety. I just don�t know if this guy will be good for me because of the whole spamming incident. I�m not sure how to let him down softly or just wait our situation out longer because while this guy is very sweet, gentle, and considerate towards me, he also seems like he can get attached and can dump his emotional baggage onto me. Any advice?

tldr: I�ve been talking to this guy for two months and while he has redeeming qualities, my strict parents don�t approve of him due to his appearance, they basically profiled him. I send him a text saying that I can�t see him anymore and he spammed me with texts,calls, and a voicemail. Afterwards, he apologized and we talked over the phone and I felt better and hopeful about our situation but my anxiety keeps creeping out and I�m rethinking everything and feel conflicted. I�m not sure if I should express my anxiety and concerns,tell him I think we won�t work out, or see if my parents will approve of him with his new look and new introduction.

update: I�d also like to add in that it�s not my decision for my dates to introduce themselves to my parents, it�s my parents idea. They say they like to meet who I�ve been talking to briefly, I assume, to profile them and see if their �worthy�. I�d ask about why they would do that in the past and I mentioned it felt a bit uncomfortable for me but they do it out �safety purposes� and get upset for bringing up how I felt because they thought it was me going �against� them and they just wanna know if I�m safe. Although they do track my phone with life360.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 06:07

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:00

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for asking if my daughter was going to dress nicely for one of her meetings today?

quote:

This morning, my daughter (30F) and I were on one of our morning walks. She was telling me that she has a big team meeting (virtual) with her boss that's like 4 people above her. That means there will probably be about 30 people on the meeting. I asked her if she was going to make herself all pretty for it then. She immediately got annoyed and said something like, "no, I'm going to dress like I usually do, he wears t-shits to meetings so it's not a big deal". I know that she usually wears jeans and shirts that I would classify as a step above t-shirts, but a step below what she would wear into the office. I've asked this question to her many times before and she always gets annoyed, and I don't understand why...I mean, it's just a question, and I'm just making conversation. Is she overreacting or AITA?

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 06:37

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Close friend told me I [M19] should develop a personality, what does this mean?

quote:

Hello all,

I am a 2nd year college student and live in a suite with 3 other guys. One member of the group, K, I have known since before coming on campus and for a long time. He is one of my closest friends, but also very on/off, meaning he is sometimes genuine to me but also sometimes quite fake (lying about simple things to hide from me, gatekeeping friends, gatekeeping opportunities, being unnecessarily secretive). For example, the 4 of us have each other's location for solely safety reasons and convenience, and K turned his off (but not for our last suitemate, only G and myself). Another example is that he acts very close to some people but then goes behind their back to either shittalk them or trade some information about that person with someone else. He often manipulates people into believing they can be close with him even if he doesn't feel close to them, to get on people's good side. Despite his moments of genuine helpful behavior and being a very good and loyal friend, his moments of artificial behavior and odd secrecy has put distance between us and I have been hanging out with him less.

My other suitemate, G, was walking back to our dorm with K sometime last week and were talking about our suite dynamic. G told me today that during that walk, K said that as a friend, he wants me to develop a personality/develop my own personality/develop a personality of my own (not sure about the exact wording). G told me that K meant it in a friend-helping-friend way. K has also been quite fake with G sometimes. I trust G's word because his gf and my best friend are best friends, and the 4 of us know most of what happens between us.

What does this mean? I have known K for so long and despite our similarities in some hobbies and very similar sense of humor, we are different in other interests and general personality. He is also helpful to me and in the past, there have been many times where he has truly been a good friend to me. Does it mean that I am too similar to him and he wants me to find my own personality to be different from him? Does it mean he thinks I'm just boring? Did he bring up me in the conversation in case G said something against me, and then he would tell me what G said to get closer to me instead? Why would he say that, I'm trying to understand what this means. Thank you!

tl;dr: My sometimes manipulative but close friend has told me to develop a personality but I'm not sure what that means and what he thinks of me.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2021 00:13

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for invoicing my friend for 121 bucks after she pestered me for 17?

quote:

This is really petty but it's bothering me.

We have game nights. Usually they are at our appartement (boyfriends and mine) and we always get food when they are here. I either cook elaborate things or we order stuff like pizza. We never invoice people or ask them for the money.

Because we were moving, we did game night at her place and she ordered pizza. It was like 8.50 per pizza. So for me and my bf it was 17.

Because we always bought the food and it was not discussed beforhand, we didn't PayPal her then and there. Fast forward a week. She calls me all nervous and says she had an important topic to talk about. We met up and she told me we still owed her 17 bucks and that she wanted them back because it was giving her anxiety (she is very well off this is not about her not being able to afford food). I was a bit surprised and told her sure I'd PayPal her at home because I don't like to use public internet for payments.

We parted ways and I went to run errands. So I was not home till 8pm. We met up at 4pm. During that time she texted me 7 times and called my boyfriend saying to PayPal the money as soon as she hung up.

This rubbed me the wrong way. So as soon as I came home I Paypaled her the full amount. But I also recompiled what she owed us. Trough the app you can always see when you ordered what and for my personal finances I keep my shopping receipts. So I calculated that she owed us about 121 bucks. So I told her that.

She freaked out, saying we never specified and that it was a very petty move. I told her she didn't specify before either ways and I think its fair like this. We pay her when she order and she pays us when we order.

Right now she is very mad. My bf thinks it's unnecessary even tho he agrees with what I said. She called me an rear end... Am I?

Edit : there is nothing going on that's shady. She is single idem pendent from her parents and has well over 20k in her account. No one is financially abusing her. She is simply like this

# ¿ Oct 29, 2021 05:49

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for getting my wife a penis shaped cake?

quote:

I (34m) was gearing up to celebrate my 10th anniversary with my wife (31f). I had an entire night planned out, like we were going to be trying lobster for the first time. Where the conflict arises was with the cake.

I had always wanted to do a penis shaped cake since I thought it was funny, but I didn't know how my wife would react. However, since it was our 10th anniversary, I figured she would be used to my crude sense of humor. I went ahead and got the cake a couple of days in advance and put it into our fridge.

However, my wife snuck a peek and was not pleased. She got really mad at me, and accused me of trying to ruin our special night. I thought that was ridiculous, but she's been mad at me ever since. Apparently she spoke with her family about it, and they've been blowing up my phone ever since (they're mostly conservative Mormons). I still don't think I did anything wrong by trying to do something nice for her, but I realized I might be TA because I haven't offered to get another cake yet since the mood is kind of ruined.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2021 02:41

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for leaving a family without childcare because the child called the police on me?

quote:

I�m (25F) currently studying for a doctoral degree, and work on the side. I�ve been babysitting for this family for 2 years now, because they both work full time and their children (Alice 4F and Ben 6M) only do half-days at school. I�m good with kids, Alice and Ben like me a lot and their parents always tell me how excited they get for the days I babysit.

The trouble is they recently had their nephew John, 15, to live with them as his parents were working in another city for a few weeks. Since he�s 15, I let him do his own thing and told him I wouldn�t breathe down his neck if he didn�t want me to. Unfortunately, his pastime is bullying his cousins. If it was playful, I�d not have intervened so much, but the kids are so young and he would dip Alice�s pigtails in paint, pants Ben in public etc. It got to a point that their parents told me it was fine to �punish� him as they had authority from his parents to do so.

So the next time he tried it and tried to put the poor girl�s hand in warm water during naptime, I told him he would have to go to his room and stay there. He refuses and gets loud, and after a while threatens to call the police for child endangerment, saying, the exact quote - �they�ll believe me over you�. I thought he was just mouthing off and just sent him upstairs. Half an hour later, the police are RAMMING at the door, and through the window I saw that the cop by the car had his weapon out. I started having a panic attack, and the kids woke crying. The officers were verbally aggressive to me, starting from when I opened the door the officer by the car had his weapon pointed at me. I was TERRIFIED at this point, and if it makes a difference - I�m a dark skinned Pakistani woman and the family was white.

The dispute DID get cleared in the end as even though the officers didn�t listen to me and kept barking at me to shut up, John casually admitted he was just �pranking me� because he �knew the police would scare me�. They scolded him lightly, but humiliatingly - one officer waited sat right next to me till the kids� dad got home.

Of course, the family were furious at him, especially for giving the police my exact physical description even though I was� the only adult in the house. They grounded him and took away his stuff, etc.

But I was scared shitless at the incident, and told the family I could not look after A &B if John was there. As it stands, those poor kids were terrified of the police shouting in their living room - I offered to look after just them at my house. They immediately started to guilt trip me and say they could not afford to take time off, said I was an AH and threatened to fire me and not have me back post-John.

I know I left them in a tight spot and understand the younger kids did nothing wrong, but I cannot deal with that kid, and think his �prank� wasn�t childish but really malicious.

So, AITA?

EDIT: Sorry, just to add this as I think it�s unfair to them if I leave it out - the reason they said no to me taking their kids to my place is because nobody would be looking after John, and his parents don�t want that! I still maintain I�m qualified to look after young kids, not teenagers, so my point still remains of course!

# ¿ Nov 1, 2021 07:19

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA if I give my boyfriend an ultimatum about being in a cult?

quote:

We have been together for three years and plan on getting married. He is the absolute love of my life. In June I found out he joined a cult/secret society group which horrifies me but he has assured me that it�s nothing to worry about and that he is in it out of interest and is not all that involved. Mostly what bothers me about it is that they promote false information about Ancient Egypt and other historical events and people. I�m going to write a children�s book about archeology and Egyptology which is sacred to me so him being supportive of this group feels like he does not care about my feelings or purpose since he continues to be a member despite me expressing this on several occasions and pouring my heart and soul out to him in a letter about it.

Two months ago he told me that he didn�t see himself being in it for much longer and I felt so relieved. However, last weekend I discovered that a month ago he ordered some long candles and holders which are the kind required to do the initiation ritual into this cult after three months of their studies which would line up with the time of him reaching that point. I�m trying not to assume the worst, but I really don�t think he�d have any other reason to buy candles like this. I�m horrified that he is more into the cult than he has told me and is lying to me about how much it means to him. I want to try to have an honest discussion with him this weekend and discover what�s going on. If push comes to shove, am I the rear end in a top hat if I decide to give him an ultimatum between being with me and being in this group?

# ¿ Nov 1, 2021 07:37

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for getting mad at my mom after she shamed me for trying to, �save� my husband?

quote:

My husband and I were classmates and after we started dating ran away from the group home he lived at when he was 14, and stayed with us. Until my mom made him leave. I did his schoolwork for him since we had a lot of the same classes throughout high school. And in my moms words �taught him it was okay to do nothing�. But he needed help, not �tough love�.

After he got out of the army, I let him live in my apartment. Even after he turned it into a crack house. And got me in serious trouble. I was really upset but I stuck with him.

He eventually got a job fixing cars at a small shop down the street. Even though he wasn�t certified. And eventually got fired when new management took over and found out that he wasn�t certified. So he falsified certification and opened his own shop. And today he owns a chain of auto shops. He still holds onto things from the past. And is mad at the world for�reasons. But he Refused to go to therapy, and opted to make me his therapist. Which my moms sees as me trying to, �fix� him. Yeah, he�s rough around the edges. But I think I�ve done a good job smoothing them out.

She is upset with me because she says she�s, �only trying to help me. And keep me from wasting my time trying to save someone who doesn�t want to be saved�.

I told my mom that People with her mindset will be in for a rude awakening when they hit a rough patch and wonder why no one offers assistance after they went through life being a no-nonsense, anti-free loading, hard rear end. But even my husband told me I was to hard on her.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2021 12:51

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for being upset that lunch plans changed last minute and making others, who invited themselves, feel embarrassed about their inability to pay?

quote:

I had lunch plans with a friend for today and had been looking forward to them. We were going to my favorite restaurant. I am autistic and as such everything is planned down to the detail for me� budgeting, timing and so on. I also am a very picky eater and therefore am particular about what I eat and where. And while I recognize that I live in a world not built for me and therefore I must adapt the best I can, I do not adapt WELL to extremely last minute changes in plans. It throws me off.

I invited one other person last night and slowly, one by one, other people began inviting themselves to these plans, which they heard about in passing and ended up being 8 people total. This left two people who were sleeping over the same house with me after a Halloween party feeling excluded because they couldn�t afford the restaurant.

I was asked if I minded changing the plan to be inclusive and even though I didn�t want to change the plan, I said yes out of feeling sympathetic and said �I am feeling sympathetic today� sure why not. Just not TGI Fridays or Applebee�s.�

I was told this reply was rude and embarrassed people who couldn�t pay. In my view I sacrificed my plans at my inconvenience and others were rude to invite themselves.

AITA?

# ¿ Nov 1, 2021 13:13

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

i saw this disturbing old Dear Prudence today:

quote:

My wife of more than 10 years has always been a bit of a nudist. Nothing public, but around the house and our pool and out in the boat she likes to be in the buff. Our son is now 6 years old and my daughter is 3. My children are being raised in the nude, the same way my wife was raised. They get home from school and their clothes come off. I come home at night to two naked kids and a naked wife. Now that our children are getting older, I think it might be time that everyone starts covering up a bit more. My wife disagrees and does not want to change. Are we doing damage to our kids here?

# ¿ Nov 3, 2021 03:03

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Is it unfair for me to ask my boyfriend to do something he feels uncomfortable with?

quote:

I (24F) met a guy (22M) online without the intention of dating him. I like chit chats so we were just gonna talk and stuff. But of course things got flirty and we decided to date. He is my first boyfriend. This guy feels right and he is very sweet. I am not pretty so I don't think I have the right to be picky. So when we were talking at first maybe for a few months we hadn't seen each other's face. He never asked me to show mine which I'm relieved but I couldn't help but wish I looked beautiful so I'd be more confident to show him myself. Fast forward I realized I love him so much that I don't want to feel like I'm hiding anymore. So I did it. Scariest thing I've done so far. Show him myself even with the risk of him leaving me because I'm not decent looking.

I was so relieved when he reacted positively. He accepted my imperfections and I fell even deeper. Months passed and I was always hinting I wanted to see his face too. It's like he's not real since we only talk online. Seeing him would give me a face to think about. But it has been more than a year and he still hasn't shown me. He always says it makes him uncomfortable and it turns out he has the same insecurities as me. And I totally get it. But it has been a year and a half almost. Sure he sends mirror selfies lately, with his face mostly covered, of course. And these mirror selfies only come once or twice a month. Not even consistently. I just wonder, I'm willing to face my biggest insecurities for him, but he cant do the same for me.

At some point, we broke up because of this. I told him how this is what I want and that this is what would make him more real to me. Not just some notifications I get frequently. Even in my imagination his face is that stupid bitmoji he has on snapchat. I just want us to be like a normal couple. To my disappointment he chose breaking up with me over showing me his face. But I love him too much.

Obviously we're still together, and from our recent fight I told him I'd be more patient and he could take his time. He said he'd try to take pictures for me but not the kind that I want. But occasionally I have these urges to force him again and I always try my hardest not to. He says the more I force him, the farther I get from seeing him. I couldn't care less HOW he looks like. I just want to SEE him. Is that too much to ask?

Let me add that I don't think he is trying to hide his age or anything like that because I've seen him. But it was an accident (flipped camera by mistake ) TWICE but it was so quick that I don't really remember what he looked like. But he is not some old dude. He looked fine. Just scared and insecure i think.

TL;DR: I asked (basically forced) my boyfriend to show me his face which he repeatedly refused because he is very insecure about his looks (me too). I told him I don't care HOW he looks but he'd rather break up with me than show me. But it's been over a year. I love him and just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2021 06:07

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

r/relationships: our regular thumping, bumping, yawping, and yelping happens under the same roof as our kiddos.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2021 02:24

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not wanting my husbands brother to be in the delivery room?

quote:

I�m currently 31 weeks with twins, a boy and a girl. My husband and I are both 21, and were trying for a baby for about a year before we fell pregnant. I�ve had a pretty rough pregnancy, and my brother in law is a medical student, so he�s taken quite a lot of interest in my pregnancy and future delivery. We�ve always gotten on well. He�s 24. I�ve known my husbands family since we were children so we�ve pretty much grown up together.

A few days ago, my husband told me that my BIL had expressed an interest in being there whilst I gave birth, mainly due to it being beneficial from an educational standpoint to see a natural multiples birth, which is what I�m planning for. I know things can change on that front but hoping for that. Also so my husband can have support as I�ll have my mom. Worth mentioning that our hospital doesn�t have a restriction on the amount of people who can be in the delivery room.

I said absolutely not, there is no way in hell I am allowing that. I�m not even overly keen on allowing my husband to watch me go through that, let alone his brother. He said it�d be good experience for him and his degree and I said that as much as I supported him, my experience of having a pleasant birth was my priority. He got defensive and said he should be allowed to have a support person to, which I suppose I do understand, but I really just feel uncomfortable about it all. He said it was just as much his right as it was mine to have someone there to support him. It basically turned into a huge argument, with his brother and mom being dragged into it too. AITA?

# ¿ Nov 27, 2021 07:07

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my friend �you�re not loving funny� and making her cry?

quote:

I know it sounds bad but hear me out please. First off, I apologized to my friend for saying she�s not funny after the �joke� she made, even though her sense of humor isn�t even joking. I know it sounds like I�m leading up to saying her humor is gonna be racist or something, but no. Her form of joking is interrupting people mid-sentence to say the word �poop�. Nothing else, just literally the word poop being yelled loudly by a 19 year old (aka a literal adult) when someone else is talking.

No one finds it funny except for her. She doesn�t care that it annoys the rest of our friends as she�s been doing it since I met her in 7th grade. We all just kinda ignore it now and haven�t really said anything since she�s really sensitive and gets her feelings hurt very very easily.

However, my dad went to the hospital yesterday and I got the text from my mom while I was with a few of my friends, the poop-yeller included. I was scared for a minute and said I had to go, and when asked what was wrong I explained that my dad went to the hospital- or at least I was trying to, until my friend screamed �poop� at the top of her lungs (presumably since we were outside and it wasn�t that crowded) right after I said the words �my dads in the er� and then started laughing to herself. I looked her dead in the eye and said �you�re not loving funny, stop it� and then left to go to my car to meet my mom and dad at the hospital without saying anything else as I was in a hurry to get there.

After that I got a text from one of the other girls who was with us calling me an rear end in a top hat since I made my friend cry after I left apparently. I did feel bad that she was that upset, so I texted her to apologize but told her that it was a really bad time to be childish. She said she wouldn�t accept my apology unless I admitted that she was actually funny and I refused. Everyone is just telling me to agree but I�m holding my ground as I think she needs to take the hint that her acting that way can only go on for so long. I�ve been accused of taking out my frustration about my dad being in the hospital out on her which I don�t think is true (he�s gonna be fine btw). Her behavior has annoyed me for a long time and this was just my breaking point.

However, I�m wondering if I am the rear end in a top hat since she did cry over it and all of my friends seem to agree that I should just tell her she�s funny so she�ll stop being upset over it. So aita? Was an apology not enough and I should just tell her she was being funny so we can all get past it?

Edit for info: she does not have a learning disability. If she did, after knowing her for years I feel like we would�ve known and I never would�ve yelled at her. She acts differently when she�s at one of our houses (aka around people like others family that she doesn�t know well) and keeps the childish behavior to a minimum at her own house and at school. It�s like a switch she can flip on purpose, but I don�t know why

# ¿ Nov 27, 2021 08:53

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA... showing up unplanned asking to be fed?

quote:

For Thanksgiving my family (2 adults, 3 kids) drove a long distance (6+ hours) to celebrate with my sister and her family. We had dinner on arrival (take out), Thanksgiving, then a planned brunch the next day all at her house. Saturday morning we show up thinking we were having a quick breakfast before she has her friends over for a 2nd brunch (done separately due to covid).

We arrive and her husband greets us. I am excited to spend a bit more time together, get some drinks for the road and drive home. Her husband then tells me that he will not be feeding us any food. I am a bit confused, and he tells me that I misunderstood, they thought I was coming by to just say goodbye, and that they aren't feeding us. I have three hungry kids who haven't eaten, and we checked out of our hotel walking past the free breakfast we'd eaten the other mornings.

I ask him directly what I'm supposed to do about the kids and he says there are lots of places for me to go to get food. I literally ask if my kids can have an orange, and he says again he is not feeding us. So I tell my kids we are leaving, and we will wait outside for their Dad to get back with the car. I just walk out, don't say goodbye to any of them (including her two kids). We literally sit on their curb for 10minutes waiting for the car.

I didnt see my sister during this time at all. My sister texts while I'm outside (phone is in car, so I don't see it until we are driving away), saying she's sorry for the misunderstanding. I call her as we are driving away and ask her if she has any suggestions for us since her husband refused to feed my kids. She tells me it's not her "job" to feed my kids. That I'm completely rude and unreasonable. That there is a McDonalds around the corner. I tell her I need to get off the phone and hang up.

I'm absolutely dumbfounded that her husband would decide to turn out three kids without so much as an orange and toast. And that she would support that decision and then call me rude to think that they would feed at least my kids.

The misunderstanding came from a phone call the night before. We took the afternoon to visit some other friends and thought we would be back for dinner with her that (soup and leftovers). I was super sad, so I called and we discussed us coming by in the morning. I knew she had guests coming at 10:30am, and told her we would leave by 10am. I guess she thought we would swing by at 10am... we got there at around 9am without having eaten anything. It's clear that there was a misunderstanding, but I can't figure out how the misunderstanding leads to them turning out three kids from their home like that. And how my leaving the situation makes me an rear end in a top hat.

So...AITA for showing up and asking for her to feed my three kids when they don't think that's the plan?

# ¿ Nov 29, 2021 00:06

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my daughter she should be happy she has the body she has.

quote:

My daughter (13) is very pretty. She has an hourglass figure, wavey caramel hair and blue eyes. She takes after my mom, who looked just like her. I on the other hand, have always been chubby, with super curly hair and brown eyes. Recently she has been feeling very self conscious and told me that she hates her body. I said that she should be happy because she is very blessed in the looks department and because of that her life will be easier. She has been talking about wanting breast reduction surgery a lot because she has been getting comments on her chest from so of the boys at school. I told her that her life is going to be better because of the way she looks and that she won't be discriminates against like I was for being large. She is now mad at me and is only talking to me in Russian, which I don't understand.

AITA?

# ¿ Dec 5, 2021 04:17

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my girlfriend to cover up her body when strangers enter the home?

quote:

I am FULLY aware the title sounds sexist but hear me out, please.

My girlfriend comes from a wealthy background and grew up with maids, chefs, chauffeurs etc. I was raised in a completely opposite environment and still adjusting to dating someone like her.

When we�re not with her parents, we spent a lot of time at one of her apartments. Here�s the issue: my gf likes to walk around home barely wearing anything which is fine (awesome even) BUT she does this even when the �help� are around.

For example last month her family hired a new driver for her. He stopped by the apartment to introduce himself. She was only wearing underwear. Keep in mind, this is the FIRST time they�ve met in person. I felt awkward, he was visibly awkward and she didn�t give a poo poo at all. She was casually chatting to him while a scrolling away on her phone.

She does this all the time. She doesn�t think she needs to wear any decent amount of clothes at all when people that work for her are around. She will casually walk around wearing just a thong OR a tiny crop top (just a crop top, nothing else).

She even does this with complete strangers! One time she opened the door for the delivery guy wearing only a see through gown. You could see everything. Afterwards I talked to her about it and she was utterly confused as to why I felt uncomfortable. Then she laughed and told me to �stop being a jealous baby�. She even said that I�m unreasonable.

We had another discussion about this yesterday and I told her that she probably wouldn�t feel comfortable if I did the same. She said that she doesn�t understand why I care what her staff think and that it never even crossed her mind that this is inappropriate. She told me that she only does this in the comfort of her home and not in front of�actual people� i.e. people that don�t work for her.

She got kinda mad at me and vented to her friends. According to all of them, I�m �weird� for having a problem with this and an rear end in a top hat for telling my GF to cover up. Somehow I�m the villain of this story. Am I really the rear end in a top hat?

# ¿ Dec 7, 2021 05:07

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for �causing a scene� at my girlfriends big night?

quote:

Me (25M) and Lauren (26F) have been dating for over two years. Overall we have a great relationship and a great support system of friends and family. Recently we�ve been having talks about getting engaged. Lauren has a full-time job but she�s huge into theatre. She acts in plays at the local community theatre. I will say that me and Lauren have different interests, I�m into sports and she�s into the fine arts. Our friend groups reflect this for sure, hers like galleries/wineries/shows, mine like to golf/tailgate. Our friends have mixed at events without issue, they don�t particularly interact but they aren�t rude to each other either. Now to the issue at hand.

6 months ago Lauren informed me that she got her first directing job. She posted all about it on social media much to our parents/our friends delight. My parents called me immediately and asked for front row tickets. My friends asked to let them know when it was cause they would love to come. I tell Lauren this and she told me she would save seats for them. 3 weeks before the event she tells me she doesn�t have as many tickets and won�t have enough for my extended family/friends. While disappointed I understood because the theatre is small and popular. My friends understood and invited us to my friends bar after to celebrate.

Opening night comes and I show up with my parents, get our tickets and walk into the waiting area. I see her parents and like 25 of her friends. Some of these people are co-workers and not even that close to her. I went to the show and sat in the front row with these people. After the show she came out to all of us waiting, I told her about the bar, she says she already had plans to go to a different one. I was pretty upset at this point but things got escalated when I went with them to this bar and someone said they were happy she still had tickets because they assumed it would be too late. They asked Lauren the day before the show for them. I immediately went up to Lauren and confronted her. I won�t lie, I was visibly upset and people noticed. She asked to go outside and I said I was leaving. Took my parents with me to my friends bar. I received calls from her, her parents and friends. It was embarrassing to show up to my friends bar without Lauren and trying to explain the situation. I stayed at my parents the last few days and when I came back home we haven�t been talking. We are both angry with each other. I asked why she lied and she said my friends �wouldn�t have appreciated the play like her friends�. Her friends are calling me an AH for causing a scene and making her night about me. So AITA?

# ¿ Dec 14, 2021 22:48

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

WIBTAH if I told my friend why she and her husband are not invited to hang anymore?

quote:

I have two friend couples, couple A and couple B. I'm close with both of them, the couples have known each other for years, and we used to hang a lot as a group. Couple B is in an open relationship, and they used to lack boundaries regarding whom to invite into bed. They have through time made it clear to, well, everyone basically, including couple A, that they wouldn't mind swinging.

Their success has been limited, but they still kept on gently making it known that it was an option to couple A. In the end, the woman in couple A (woman A) had enough, she just can't stand the thought of spending time with couple B. She doesn't mind hanging with the woman, but she can't stand the guy, he gives her creep vibes.

It's been a few years since could B finally formed some boundaries (they've been doing a lot of self work) and stopped inviting people into bed, but I still understand and empathize with woman in couple A, man B just doesn't make her comfortable and that's that.

As I said I'm close with both couples, and it happens time and time again that woman B comes to me with ideas on how we can all hang together. Every single time I'm between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to tell her why couple A doesn't hang anymore, it's not my place and it would be hurtful as well. But it's been a few years now and I'll always in this position, and I don't think it will stop.

WIBTAH if I gently told woman B about woman A's feelings towards her husband, so that I don't have to be in the middle all the time? Or do I just continue to make up some ridiculous excuses for why I can't be involved in decision making and she needs to talk to couple A and not me, every time she suggests a hang out?

# ¿ Dec 15, 2021 08:15

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA For challenging my GF's dad on him having his employees work over the holidays?

quote:

This past weekend my GF and I went to her parent's house for a small family Xmas get-together. With all of my GF's siblings and significant others, there were about 10 of us there. My GF and I are in our mid 20s and have been together for almost 3-years. She grew up in a small town while I grew up in the city. Her dad has always had a thing for prodding me for being a "city boy." My GF has told me to just let it go and brush it off. According to her it's just his way of poking fun at his youngest daughter's BF and that he doesn't mean anything by it.

GF's dad owns and operates an auto shop in their town. I'd say he probably has 10-12 people working for him, and judging by their house and the cars he has, I think he does pretty well for himself.

During the day he had more than a few drinks and I had a few as well. He was talking with his sons about his shop and how he needs to have his shop open on Xmas eve and New Year's eve this year because things have been slow. Now, I know for a fact that this guy collected tens of thousands of dollars in PPP loans because he wouldn't shut up about it one of the last times I saw him. I also know those loans were completely forgiven in our state. I also know that he just helped my GF's sister make a down payment on a new house.

So as he was complaining about his employees not wanting to work during the holidays, I asked him if he was going to be working those days. He told me he was not because he and his wife were travelling out of state to see relatives. I asked him why he was surprised that his employees are upset when he's literally going on vacation and asking them to work holidays.

He said until I run my own business, I won't understand. I told him it just seems like bad optics to his employees that he's asking them to do something he's not willing to do himself, so of course they are going to be upset. I then asked him if he is at least paying them extra for that time. He didn't answer and only said that he pays his employees more than any other shop around and that he isn't going to take business advice from some city punk.

At this point my GF came into the room and pretty much dragged me out before I could say anything else. She scolded me for even saying anything to her dad because I should know better. I told her I was tired of always being told to keep my mouth shut to keep the peace when she won't tell her dad the same thing. She said it's just easier that way because I will listen and her dad is stubborn.

I told her that's BS and that I was ready to go and if she wanted to stick around for a bit that I would take a walk or do something else because I'm not going back in there. She told me I was being a jerk and ruining her family Xmas, but I still took a walk to cool down. On the way home my GF tore into me for what I did and said that her dad had a lot to say about me after I left and now she doesn't know if she's comfortable bringing me there again.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2021 23:14

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

My boyfriend is attracted to extremely large breasts, of which I do not have. When asked about it, he said I fall into the �love� category, but not �lust,� due to my breasts being average size. Is it worth continuing the relationship?

quote:

My (22F) boyfriend (21M) is attracted to very large breasts (H cup and above). Prior to dating me, he showed me that he had social media accounts dedicated to following women with these proportions, and would post videos of anime girls with similar body types.

Whilst there�s nothing wrong with having sexual preferences and desires, it seems that his is very overt. I also don�t have breasts of such a size (I�m about a B-C cup).

Although I am secure in my body, I did bring it up with him, as I couldn�t help but wonder if I am attractive to him when he desires another body shape. He told me there�s a difference between lust and love - he lusts after the women with large breasts, but he loves me.

He truly does a good job of loving me - he sends me 10+ page love letters every month, makes me playlists, willingly spends all his free time with me, and is genuinely kind, and caring and loyal.

However, a small part of me struggles to move past the �love� vs �lust� comment. We haven�t had sex yet (covid and lockdown making that difficult), and I am his first girlfriend (hence taking it slow) so I haven�t been able to fully ascertain his reaction to my body. Admittedly, I am nervous to do so knowing he so overtly desires a body type I don�t have- and herein lies the problem.

Ultimately, I personally would never judge someone for their body, so I have no problem walking away from someone who does. But as much as I love him, I perhaps vainly admit that I want to fit in the �lust� category too. I want to be sexually desirable to the man that I am with.

Hence, in these current circumstances, is this possible? Do you have strong sexual preferences, but still love someone who does not meet them?

# ¿ Jan 3, 2022 20:48

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for getting my job back to get out of taking care of my husband's autistic niece?

quote:

My husband (30M) became the legal guardian to his sister's daughter (17F) two months ago. She lost her single mom last year. My in-laws took her in but they were too old. That was when my husband became her legal guardian despite my concerns. He told me that he would take care of her completely.

We got married a year ago after 15 years of dating. I had a very successful career in a very physically and mentally demanding field. I had to travel a lot. We wanted to start a family and I agreed to be a stay at home mom. I quit my job few months into the marriage when I got pregnant. Sadly, I had a miscarriage. Then his sister died and everything is on hold. In the mean time, I took a part time job in a related field which allows remote work so that I am not bored out of my mind.

My SIL was a nurse. She quit her job to take care of her daughter full time. Her daughter has a variety of issues including non-verbal autism, a series of development disorder like dyslexia and severe sensory issues.

My husband says that he does most of the work. But he doesn't. Since I am working from home part time most of the caretaking falls to me. She gets angry and has meltdowns all the time. She doesn't like the food I make and most of the time she ends up throwing to food at the floor or at me. I am at my wits end and it is just so emotionally exhausting.

Around Dec 15, my husband was working late and asked me take care of dinner. She is very picky about food. The slightest change in texture or taste from what she is used to can cause a meltdown. She threw the plate at my feet and I ended up bleeding. At that point, I called my husband and asked him to be home asap. He said he wouldn't be able to. I went up to my room and told him I am not dealing with this anymore. He came hours later and she was still crying. He was absolutely furious at me. He called he heartless and irresponsible. I told his I have had enough of both of their ungrateful behaviour and told him that I am going to my mom's and I wouldn't be back until New Year's.

He panicked and tried to apologise but I left. He called me everyday asking me to come back. I finally came back and he told me that my stunt had forced him to all available leaves to stay home with her. He told me that he was glad I was back. I told him that I contacted my former company and got my old job back and it starts next Monday. It is in-office and requires lot of travel. He asked me who was supposed to stay at home as she cannot be left alone, he has no more leaves and full-time caretakers are too expensive. I told him he promised to take care of everything when he became her guardian and that it was his problem.

As you can guess, my family supports me and his family thinks I am being extremely selfish. So I am asking judgement from impartial strangers.

AITA in this situation?

# ¿ Jan 3, 2022 21:41

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for banning my sister from staying with me if she is going to be pretentious?

quote:

For Christmas this year my sister asked if she (31) could stay in my (27) house instead of with our parents. So I saw her more than I have in a while, and she hasn't visited home since a few years because Covid

She's always had issues with our parents that none of the other kids have. She's just kind of outspoken and we know to prepare for that when she comes. As an example she will tell my parents something they said was "racist" and tell them to stop or rephrase even when she's staying in their own house and it stops the conversation and can be so awkward if non family is there.

Our parents can be kind of annoying and ignorant but me and our other sisters who live near them year round just kind of know when to pick our battles and let things go to avoid fights. Whereas she is known for starting fights constantly over small comments. Our ideal holidays are just to get along and not try to change or fight with people in their 60s because they are who they are at this point. But her and I have always gotten along well so I was glad to have her stay with me and my husband

Anyway this visit was weird. She is studying therapy of some kind at school (still at 31) and it totally changed her. She still starts fights but now in this pretentious way by asking questions and being overly calm in a condescending way. One example is when our parents were talking about the new neighbours she was like "Why do you whisper when you talk about the neighbours Pride decorations? Do you feel like it's a secret? How come?" And it's even somehow more awkward and annoying then when she used to just call people assholes because she's obviously getting at the same point

It honestly is exhausting and most of us feel like we can't have a comfortable conversation near her without her coming in with her "wisdom" and telling us what to say or how to act. I was glad when she left

I sent a text and said next time she visits I'd rather she didn't stay with me again if she's going to act so pretentious that I don't feel comfortable in my own home where she's a guest. And that she needs to learn to let stuff go and have a good time because we only see each other rarely as it is

She doesn't seem too bothered by my messages and just said "Fair enough! I can make other plans next time thanks for letting me know" which is also pretentious because she's always trying to act better than us like that without actually fixing her behaviour in literally any way

Why I might be an AH is another sister told my parents what I said and they were upset in that it might make her not visit. So they're mad that I'm "starting drama" with the drama queen and everyone now feels uncomfortable because they don't know how she's going to react but that blame is being put on me. Was it really so rude? I feel like it's normal to be able to tell your sibling when they annoy you

# ¿ Jan 5, 2022 04:06

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

drat if a bridesmaid wanted a face tattoo of a flaming swastika instead of dying her hair a lighter shade of brown all the bridezillas would be right

# ¿ Jan 8, 2022 16:42

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for kicking out a guy who peed in my shower?

quote:

I'd been on a few dates with this guy and he slept over my apartment the first time last night. In the morning I said I was gonna run a shower and make some coffee for us, he should join me for the shower.

He got in first and I went to start the coffee machine, and then joined him. And he was peeing in my shower?!?! It doesn't even have good water pressure to wash it down so the pee was just lingering on the ground near his feet.

I told him to stop pissing and get out and he kept pissing!?! And said everyone does it. I said no I don't, I don't know wanna be standing in piss, my bathroom stinks now, he needs to get out.

He said he wanted to shower and I told him no, he needs to leave.

He got out and I told him to put on his clothes and go, and he was beliggerant about that, saying I was uptight.

I said that I just think peeing should be private in general, I don't wanna come into a shower expecting to get frisky and see him peeing! If he's gotta pee he should close the door instead of doing it when he knows I'm coming right in!

And also the only place he should be peeing in my apartment is in the toilet? Like who raised you dude?

Anyway he was acting real argumentative and I ended up saying that I didn't want to argue, I had work in an hour and a half, and he needed to leave. Because I said so and it's my apartment. I know I was sounding like a kindergarten teacher but I was fed up with how he didn't respect the simple thing of "don't pee in view of the girl you're trying to impress and don't pee on things that aren't her toilet in full view"

He sent me some texts later saying I was being a real dick, he had to go to work unclean and without breakfast because I didn't let him finish using the shower, and that I kicked him out after we'd planned to have breakfast together and he didn't have the time to go home and cook before work.

I feel like I might be the rear end in a top hat for not at least letting him finish the shower? But I still think what he did was super nasty and ignorant and who even thinks that's something appropriate to do to someone you (presumably) want to stay at all attracted to you?

AITA for kicking out this guy who peed in my shower?

# ¿ Jan 8, 2022 22:11

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for kicking out my sister after her kids found my secret room?

quote:

Sorry for the long post and any grammar mistakes, my hands are a little shaky from being frustrated.

Me (25F) and my husband (25) just recently finished building our dream home. When I say dream home I mean it. We have a stupid secret kink room that is hidden behind a wall. I�m embarrassed to write that but it�s really special to us.

I had a small house warming party with just my immediate family. My sister (31) and her 3 kids came and they wandered around the house unsupervised because I was cooking and frankly trust them enough to not do anything. They are 11f 7f and 5m. I�m really close with them and have a great relationship. They happened to find the room. I don�t even know if they fully understand what they saw but it was some �tools and equipment.� They came screaming down the hallway and insisted that everyone follow them to see what they found. I instantly said no but they were stubborn and said it was really cool which got people�s interest. I still don�t fully understand how, I keep trying to rack my brain around it. Our room is hidden very well. It�s in our library, I have floor to ceiling bookshelves and if you pull on the right piece it will swing out and you can walk through. Like seriously there was no reason for them to find it but I guess at the end of the day it�s my bad for letting them go around unsupervised.

My poor husband was absolutely mortified and my sister went to go look and a few people wanted to follow her, I tried to stop them but they kept telling me to stop acting weird. I gave up and just gave my husband an apologetic look. There stuff in there that involves pegging, and my husband isn�t comfortable with anyone knowing I�m the dominant one in the bedroom which is perfectly fine with me. My sister came out of the room and was laughing so hard she had tears coming down. I wasn�t too mad until she made a comment to my husband that was �You really are a pussy, I knew (my name) was the man in the relationship but wow.� And I absolutely lost it. I told her to leave immediately and take her kids and that she wouldn�t be welcomed back until she genuinely apologized and her kids apologized for not listening after I told them no to having people go see it. My sister stormed out with her family after calling me an �spoiled entitled bitch� which really hurt my feelings. My family is pretty split right now. My brother is disgusted she said that to my husband but my parents think I was being way controlling and that I shouldn�t have it if I don�t want people to see it. I argued that it�s not meant to be seen. I�m really concerned about my husband. He�s not mad at me at all but he doesn�t feel safe around my sister which I understand. I�m mostly frustrated that my parents are so mad at me that I banned her until she apologizes and want me to just get over it but I can�t get what she said to my husband out of my head. I maybe over reacted but I will not stand for anyone being rude to my husband. She is welcome back when she apologizes. I think I may have been too harsh.

Edit: I tried to stop the adults, I told them not to multiple times with my voice very stern. I grabbed my sister on the arm to stop her, I told the kids absolutely not and that they didn�t need to. I tried my hardest without getting physical and starting a screaming fight. My husbands already said I did what I could. I�m so guilty already for it.

Edit 2: My sister was the only one who went to see it, my parents really wanted to but after I said no multiple times they let it go. My sister was the only one. She went after everything. My brother had 0 desire to see the second I said no the first time.

# ¿ Jan 10, 2022 06:11

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Hughlander posted:

AITA for decided to change my name when I get married, despite my father telling me not to? (28M)

Seems a bit early for a reboot of the UK Ghosts, but this is definitely a pitch meeting right?

Late 14th century?

# ¿ Jan 10, 2022 12:43

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not wanting my fianc�'s last name because it is too Middle Eastern?

quote:

My fianc� (26M) and I (F24) have been together for three years. I've always told him that I want to keep my last name because I like my name and I�m beginning my professional career. He and I live in the US in a southern, more conservative area. I won't use real names, but my name is a common English name (think Mary Williams or Olivia Smith), while his last name comes from his Arabic father (think Mohammed or Hussein or Al-Baghdadi).

Recently, we were discussing last names for me and our future kids. He pointed out, as he has several times before, that it would be easier for family planning and traveling for us all to just have his last name. I agreed that it would be nice, but I still wouldn�t take his name. This time, he wouldn�t let it go, arguing that it just makes sense and I don�t have a valid reason not to take his name.

Here's where I may be the a�hole.

Tired of being hounded about this topic, I finally told him the truth � that I had always intended to take my future husband�s last name before we met, it�s just his name I don�t want to take.

I reminded him that his last name has caused his family nothing but trouble in this country, especially post 9/11. How he complains of being stopped at airports and that he and his siblings were teased for their name as kids, so much so that all his siblings, male and female, have since changed their last names. I pointed out that his name may be common in the Middle East, but it is also identical to a famous Middle Eastern politician/terrorist leader, and how people in the US subconsciously make that connection every time he introduces himself.

He said that I was being racist and an a�hole and that I was saying that his name isn�t good enough for me. He also pointed out that he is the last one in his family that can pass the name on, and that he was proud of his name in spite of all the hardship it has caused him.

I argued that it was selfish of him to want to pass on the last name that would make life harder for me professionally and difficult for our future kids socially, just for the sake of preserving the patriarchal tradition of keeping the man�s name. That in his shoes, I wouldn�t hesitate to change my last name to make life easier on my family. I even suggested a compromise where we both change our names to something different, maybe a name from the other side of his family so that we could all have the same last name and honor his family history. But he wasn�t interested.

Everybody I have talked to about this in the past has encouraged me to take my husband�s last name until I tell them what the name is, which is when they usually side with my arguments. His family, on the other hand, are all advocating for me to take the name, even the siblings who changed it years ago.

Edit: After reading the comments, I realize the title may be misleading. I was attempting to write a title conveying the racism and judgment I fear for myself and my future kids without using words like "ethnic" or "terrorist". To clarify, I would take another Middle Eastern name, given that it isn't attached to any infamous people or political figures.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2022 05:38

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my wife's family our secret?

quote:

I (28M) have been with my wife, Rebecca, (29F) for four years. Rebecca comes from a very religious family and we have hidden a lot of aspects about our marriage. We have some contact with them and only see them on holidays and special occasions, like weddings or baby showers. One of the biggest things they disapprove of was not having our wedding in a church, it was such a big deal that we now hide aspects of our marriage, like the fact we are going to be childfree

One thing the family does not know about is that Rebecca and I have an open marriage and have had an open relationship ever since we started dating. So I was meeting up with another girl at the bar a few days ago. It was going well and I didn�t notice anything strange. Well, today we went to Rebecca�s sister�s �baby shower� ( the large baby shower was canceled since the plague so it really was dinner with her family). We get there and everyone is glaring daggers at me. The whole thing is tense until we get to a slideshow on her sister showing pictures of the nursery and other baby stuff. In the slide show, there was a picture of me with the girl at the bar. It wasn�t an innocent picture and looking at it everyone would think I was cheating.

The whole family starts yelling at me and calling me a cheater and how dare I do this to Rebecca. I look at Rebecca for help but she just stays quiet. I try to get them to calm down but nothing is working. So I just yell out Rebecca and I have an open marriage. This causes everyone to start freaking out even more and we quickly leave.

I�m in the car with Rebecca and she starts to yell at me about how could I tell her family that. That I completely betrayed her trust and this is probably going to ruin her relationship with the family. I�m angry now and say, � So what, you would rather make me out to be a cheater than tell the truth.� The argument continues for the rest of the car ride and she won�t talk to me anymore. I am sleeping on the couch.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2022 07:43

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not letting anyone leave my house until someone admits to making GBS threads in my bathtub?

quote:

I own a small house on an small island off the coast of Puerto Rico. I threw a massive party there 2 days ago for my friend's wedding. So the only way to get to this island is by ship. I own one which can fit about 20 people at most so 3 trips were made back and forth from the mainland.

Yesterday morning when I woke up and went to the bathroom I found poo poo all over the bathtub. It was also on the walls and on the floor, loving disgusting. There was even a poo poo foot print. That's so incredibly disrespectful.

I called a meeting to the main living room. I said whoever did it needs to own up to it and clean it. That's loving rude and I don't want to clean up someone else's poo poo. Nobody admitted it. I then said I would not be taking people back until someone admitted it. After 30 minutes my brother's fiancee's cousin admitted it. She said she was having stomach issues and when she went to the toilet her sister was on the toilet so she shat in the bathub, she was drunk and made a stupid decision. Now everyone is pissed at me saying I'm an rear end in a top hat for outing her like that. I thought this was my brother's friends or the fiance's brother loving with me. My toilet doesn't have a top tank so they couldn't do an upper decker. I didn't believe it was her and thought she was just owning up to it to get us out but her shoe had a weird design which matched the shitprint.

I took everyone home. My brother said I ruined the party and made everyone uncofmrotable. But really though how the gently caress would you feel if someone shat in your bathtub?

# ¿ Jan 29, 2022 03:31

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

I (23m) contacted a girl's (22f) work to ask if she was okay after she unexpectedly ghosted me out of nowhere. She got angry at me and blocked me. Where did I go wrong?

quote:

Some background: this girl 'Sharon' is here from abroad to do an internship at a "zoo". Its supposed to give her really valuable work experience - she takes care of the animals and in return they give her free room and board. We met on Hinge and we've known each other for several months now and has been approaching relationship status, although we've been exclusive for 2 or so months now. Its important to note that we have had this discussion and we know where we stand.

So, a friend of her's has a terminal brain tumour. She found out a few weeks ago and she's not been having a good time; she told me that the friend doesn't have much time left. During this time, she went AWOL a little bit and told me that she contemplated killing herself. Its important to add that the work she does is really gruelling, she works 6 days a week 12 hour days, so mentally she's not in the greatest shape. To add to this she told me she has a history of anxiety and depression.

We had a date planned for last Saturday, in the morning. Friday night she tells me she's going to bed and she can't wait to see me Saturday. That was the last text I received from her. I didn't blow up her phone at first, I figured she was going through something and needed space so I kept texting her that she's not alone, if she needs anything to just reach out, etc etc. No response. This was out of the ordinary as we text each other all day every day if we're not with each other.

The week goes by, I still hear nothing and I grow more and more concerned. To add to this she usually posts a lot of stories on Instagram pretty frequently (several times a day) and during this time her Instagram was inactive. I also tried calling her a few times as well. Yesterday I resolved that if I didn't hear from her by today then I would call her work and ask if she's okay. So I didn't hear back from her today. I searched up the number for the zoo and called, told them that I have a friend there who I haven't heard from for a while and it was out of the ordinary and that I was concerned about her. They told me that she's there and she's okay. Later on she texted me (was the first time she contacted me since last Friday) and she was pretty angry with me saying she's fine and that that was super unprofessional of me to do and that I embarrassed her in front of her colleagues and friends, she then proceeded to block me on everything.

I won't lie im pretty hurt about the whole thing because this has just totally blindsided me, we were doing really well. We didn't get in any fights, arguments, or anything of the sort. What did I do wrong here?

TLDR: girl ghosted me out of nowhere. I grew concerned about her and called her work to see if she's alright. She got really angry and blocked me on everything.

Edit: Let me just clarify that I didn't contact her work because I was salty about being ghosted or whatever, I did it because I was genuinely concerned about her safety and wellbeing.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2022 05:07

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for getting angry at my wife for getting my mom in a potentially dangerous situation?

quote:

My mom (57F) recently, came over to visit me (29M) and my wife (29F). We had dinner together and my mom had like ten drinks in just two hours. After dinner, my mom was going to drive home. But she was way too drunk to drive. I was gonna tell her to stay but she had to go to work the next day. I wanted to drive her home (it's only a 30-minute drive). But my wife told me it was one of her friend's birthday tomorrow and she needed to get them a gift. There was a mall on the way between my mom's place and our home. So she decided she would drive my mom home and get a gift for her friend on the way.

But halfway there my wife realized it was 21:30 and the mall closed at 22:00. That meant she wouldn't be able to get in time if she dropped my mom home first. So, she locked my mom in the car because she was too drunk (which I think escalated the situation). And went to buy the gift. But my mom got angry when she realized my wife had locked her in the car. It took my wife 30 minutes to get back. My mom began arguing with her for locking her in the car and making her wait. But my wife took it too far. She kicked my mom out of the car somewhere near the mall and drove back home.

After my wife got home she told me about this. I was angry at her for kicking my drunk mom in the middle of nowhere at night. I was more worried because our neighbourhood isn't very safe at night and there are lots of sketchy gangs of guys around. A lot of people that's why avoid going outside late at night (especially women). I called my mom a few times and she wasn't picking up. So, I quickly grabbed my car keys and went to look for my mom.

I looked everywhere near the mall for an hour and I was getting extremely worried. Just when I was going to call the cops about this I found my mom passed out on the side of the road not too far from the mall. I was extremely relieved, God knows what would have happened to her if she was there for longer. I took her home and she woke up the next morning.

After waking up she was mad at my wife for abandoning her in the middle of nowhere. I agreed with my mom something very dangerous could have happened to her. I told my wife she owed an apology to my mom. She said my mom shouldn't have been so rude to her. I told her my mom was drunk she didn't mean anything she said.

But she didn't listen we haven't talked in a few days. She is making me feel like an AH. But I feel like she shouldn't have abandoned my mom like that something very bad could have happened to her. So my question is AITA for siding with my mom?

EDIT: For those who are wondering my mom doesn't always drink like that. But sometimes she gets drunk like that. And my wife is currently staying with my MIL. As many of you suggested divorce. I am also thinking of divorce. She could have potentially gotten my mom killed and caused serious problems.

# ¿ Feb 3, 2022 23:03

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for taking away the bra that my Sister bought for my Daughter?

quote:

Throwaway: I (35F) have a sister named "Marcy" (35F) and a daughter named "Jess" (14F). Jess and Marcy get along very well and they love hanging out together. About 6 months ago, Jess started telling me that she wanted to get some new bras. She told me that the ones she has now are too "babyish." I've tried taking her shopping online and in person, but she never finds any that she likes. She always says that the ones I suggest are for little kids and she wants a womans bra.

Yesterday, Marcy and Jess were spending the day together. After Jess got home, I noticed that she had a plastic bag. Before I could ask her what it was, she quickly went into her room. My Mommy senses were going off and I knew that she was hiding something. I went to her room and asked her what was in the bag. She tried to dodge the subject and come up with weak explanations. I ended opening the bag and inside was a Victoria's Secret bra.

I was shocked because this bra looked like lingerie and it was obviously very sexy/revealing. I demanded to know where Jess got the bra. She told me that her and Marcy went to the Mall after getting lunch. Jess was going on and on about how I never let her get the bras that she likes. Jess pointed at Victoria's Secret and talked about how she always wanted a bra from there.

Without hesitation or permission from me, Marcy just bought Jess the bra. I was furious that Marcy would buy my daughter something like this without talking to me. I went outside and called Marcy to get her side of the story. She basically told me that it was her money and she could buy whatever she wants. She also said that I was holding Jess back and treating her like a baby. I snapped and told her that she had no right to buy my daughter a bra like that without my permission.

I eventually told Marcy that I would give her the bra so she could return it. She told me that she already got rid of the recite, so she can't get her money back. I told her that I would just donate it instead then. Marcy flipped out and demanded that I pay her back for the bra. I told her to gently caress off! I'm not paying her back for something that she had no right buying. Now Jess is giving me the silent treatment and Marcy blocked my number. AITA?

# ¿ Feb 4, 2022 00:18

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my �roommate� to find a new place when he called me a pervert?

quote:

First timing posting hope this doesn�t break the rules but I need to know if I�m the rear end in a top hat here.

My wife is my best friend, we game together, we hike together, we play dnd with our friends once a week together and we�re expecting our first kid soon, overall I�m over the moon. Obviously though, we spend a lot of time together so I guess I could see how maybe my perspective is skewed on what�s �appropriate� so I�m posting here.

A few months ago one of our mutual friends fell on hard times. His long term partner kicked him out, he�s been laid off almost a year at this point etc., he asked if he could stay in our guest room for a few weeks, wife and I agreed. A few weeks turned into a few months, no big deal but we are getting a bit antsy to have our space back. We told him he needs to be out in two months though because we�d like a little �baby moon� before our child gets here.

Since my wife and I got together we�ve been a daily intimate kind of couple, also through pregnancy. I know this is tmi but I just want to explain this isn�t a fetish thing. We did it daily for years before pregnancy and it�s continued. I�ll admit I do find it very sexy she is carrying our child but I�ve always found her sexy.

Well last night our friend tripped the shut off in his bathroom (it has one of those moisture shutoff things, you don�t need to reset the breaker but reset on the plug) and came up to ask us how to get the lights back on. I guess he was right outside our door and listening to see if we were still awake and heard us.

This morning he �sat us down� and said he was really uncomfortable to know we were doing that while he�s in the house. I pointed out to him that some days he doesn�t leave the house at all (most days if we are being honest) so it�s kind of inevitable, his room is also on a whole different floor. He then said for the next two months he will go for a walk once a week so �we can if we must� I told him that wouldn�t work because it�s a daily thing.

He then got very upset and demanded to know if it was true we�d done this everyday for the three months he�s been living here and said with my wife�s �condition� he wouldn�t have expected that and that I was a pervert. He then went on to say we are both perverted for doing that while he is here and that we violated his consent. I told him to find a new place to stay then.

He told some people about the exchange and while most people have said he�s being childish others have also said me kicking him out 2 months earlier than we last said over it is extreme. AITA?

# ¿ Feb 4, 2022 16:52

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for quitting my �job� with my husband�s business?

quote:

My husband runs a business out of our home. After his old secretary quit, he asked me to help out with her responsibilities. I�ve done this for five years now. This is my full time �job,� but there is no pay for it. He says I need no pay because I can buy whatever I like and he can pay the bills.

I feel no ability to buy what I want, despite what he says. We have to replace our house�s septic tank, but he refuses to save money for it (he says he�ll take out a loan for it if we need it and pay it back). I can�t save money myself. Last week I saw a confirmation email that he�d just purchased a $1000 stamp for his collection without asking me. This was after he got upset at me for buying a �too expensive� ($50) new litter box for the cat.

Last week he was yelling at me about not preparing a client�s forms fast enough. I was ticked off and said �what are you going to do, dock my pay?� He called me immature, and I said that I was quitting. He said it would hurt the business if I left, since he�d have to hire a secretary. I said that was his problem and I can get another job to make up for it. I�ve been submitting resumes.

He�s said nothing to make me want to back down. I told him that he could give me a salary and I would come back. But our family members think I should stop with the tantrum by now and just get back to work. They think it�s ridiculous that I want a salary for money that will go back into the same bank account.

AITA?

# ¿ Feb 6, 2022 01:14

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for lashing out at my husband for using a picture of my son as his phone's homescreen-wallpaper?

quote:

I got married to my husband 4 months ago, I have a 5 year old son from my previous marriage and my husband adores him.

We were out at the diner last night and I asked my husband for his phone to check payment options for our meal. I unlocked the screen and saw my son's pic set as the homescreen wallpaper. I asked my husband how long it's been there and he said 2 months. I got upset and pointed out that it was not wise of him to use a pic of my son as his homescreen wallpaper for strangers to see.

He said pretty much, almost no one touches his phone so I shouldn't worry about my son's pic seen by strangers. I told him they don't have to touch his phone to see his iphone homescreen. he said I should relax because it's not like he posted it on social media and besides that he only used my son's pic as his homescreen wallpaper to be able to look at him all the time because he misses him when he's at work. I demanded he remove it but he said no. I insisted and an argument ensued to the point where I got up, paid my part of the bill then walked out of the restaurant.

He decided to stay at a hotel because he was "overwhelmed" and texted me about how deeply I hurt him and told me he removed the picture entirely from his phone if that would make me happy. then went on to say I overreacted and by the looks of it, he's expecting an apology from ME!! after what happened.

was ITA or was he?

# ¿ Feb 8, 2022 06:48

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for cancelling dinner when my boyfriend brought a bell to the diner to "grab" the staff's attention?

quote:

This might sound bad but I don't know if I was TA here.

I (F30) have been dating my boyfriend Rhett (M31) for 4 months, we live in different town and he's not from here, (he's american living here) he usually visits on the weekends, This time I decided to visit his town and eat out at a diner.

Rhett was already there when I arrived to the diner, we talked some, checked the menu, then when it was time to order he pulled a small bell out of his jacket pocket, lifted it up then started shaking it. it produced a loud, annoying sound my ears started hurting. I was so confused I asked what he was doing and he said that he was trying to get one of the waiter staff's attention. I said it was embarrassing and he should stop right then but he kept shaking it. I can not begin to explain the looks we received from everyone.

I demanded him to stop but he said not til someone came and took our order. I threatened to leave the place and cancel dinner if he wouldn't and he kept doing it. Someone came already, but I'd already gotten up, took my purse and started making my way out. He followed me and started arguing about walking out but I told him that I couldn't take being embarrassed by him and he got upset and said that he didn't get why I thought the bell was embarrassing, explained that it was a perfect solution for no longer be forced to wait til someone shows up. I asked if it was acceptable to do this in america and he said "yes because it's a free country and people there usually don't give a poo poo" but I said it's inappropriate and embarrasding here. he said I was being too sensitive and overreacted over nothing. He insisted we go back inside but I refused.

We ended up leaving, he kept on about how I ruined dinner by cancelling it and offending him by acting like his behavior is shamful. I said I had a right to give an opinion on what he's done even if he thought what he was doing but he basically told me to get off my high horse and stop calling his "genius" idea embarrassing.

He's been sulking for days now and wanting an apology, Maybe I overreacted. maybe it's nothing where he lives but here it's just unacceptable.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2022 20:16

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not buying lunch for the people that helped me move?

quote:

I've been in a bit of a bad place financially for a while now. Living in a crappy apartment, paycheck to paycheck. I am still not doing much better but got a job in a cheaper city, in a decent apartment. This city is also closer to my friends and family. When I announced I was moving closer, my friends got super excited. I asked if three would be willing to help me move in and they agreed. Again, I'm not doing the best financially and they know that, so I assumed they were okay that this was a free gig. I admit maybe I was wrong for not saying this.

It wasn't a lot to move in (a loft apartment, I'm sleeping on a futon), took a couple of hours. When we were done, everyone said they were starving. My friend suggested we hit up a local burger place. I knew I could afford something from there, so I agreed. We went, ordered and were having a good time.

When the bill came, it was passed my way and I got confused. A friend said "You got this, right?" I was so confused. Another gave me a look and said "We helped you move, customary you pick up lunch". I was a little flabergasted and said there was no way I could afford this. I could pay for my meal (I got a standard burger and a Coke, they had gotten deluxe burgers plus beers) but no theirs. All got pretty quiet until one finally said they'd pay for it, everyone could Venmo their share. So, I did that. I invited everyone back to watch something on TV and they all declined.

In the weeks since, I've tried to invite them to do things, but never get much response. I also noticed I'm not invited anywhere. I work with one of my friends and he accidentally mentioned a Superbowl Party and then was like "I'd invite you but I think everyone is still pretty upset". I asked why. He said because I just assumed they'd help me move without compensating them in any way.

AITA?

# ¿ Feb 13, 2022 07:28

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for purposefully changing the picture submitted to my dad's church to include me?

quote:

So I (23F) was born when my dad and mom were in their early/mid-twenties. At that time, my dad was a wild partier that made a ton of bad decisions. So after a few casual hookups, there I was. Mom and Dad weren't exactly close so I ended up doing most of the year with her and summers with him. Around the time I was probably 4-5 years old, Dad found religion and went back to his Baptist roots. Which was great for him!

Pretty soon after, he met a woman and had my two brothers. He also became a preacher and runs his own church, which has become pretty big and popular in this area of our rural, southern state. So they started this thing a couple years ago where every few months another good christian family would be highlighted and get their picture put up on the wall with everyone's names, ages, and little family facts. It was a pretty cute practice, I thought. Well everyone picked my dad this time around and at family dinner, he told us about it and asked which picture we should use.

I chimed in and said that we had a great one with all of us when we went hiking and took a selfie on the trail. It looked good and we were all grinning. Dad pulled me aside after and explained that they were going to have to use a picture without me in it. He reminded me I was born out of wedlock and was technically a bastard, and that his church was very judgemental and religious so I couldn't be in the picture. Dad also made a point to say that I was a reminder of his wild days and he doesn't want that bad light on his good name since he's "moved on into a Christ-following man." I tried to argue that I was a part of the family either way and that I deserved to be highlighted, but he told me absolutely not.

So, when he asked little brother to send in the picture to the woman making the board, I asked him to submit the wrong picture. My brother sent in one where we were all together at the beach with my dad's arm around my shoulders. I was undeniably in the picture. I don't go to the church because I work weekends, but my brother said that some of the congregation asked about who I was in the photo and my dad had to explain the situation afterwards when my brother spoke up and said that I was his sister.

That was a week ago. Dad called me the next day, furious and screaming. He said he knew what I did and said it was selfish of me to destroy his reputation like that when I didn't even go to his church and they didn't need to know who I was. I told him that I was part of the family either way and that even if I didn't attend the church, they should know I'm his daughter like they know my little brother who doesn't go.

He told me off for bringing up his past "mistakes" and made me feel really horrible. Apparently some of his church members were gossiping about him and me, and it was causing issues at the church. I didn't mean for it to go this far. AITA?

# ¿ Feb 14, 2022 13:26

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:00

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

I (20F) caught my housemate (23M) masterbating through my bedroom security camera. Do I bring this up?

quote:

TL:DR Housemate was enjoying himself in the living room but my bedroom security camera caught it on tape and saved the video.

First some background info. I'll call my housemate M for short. we met on a dating app over a year ago and saw each other a few times for dates and sex. I wasn't interested in anything further and we settled on being friends, M did confess his feelings for me at the time but seemed content with remaining friends. Over time M became my closest friend. I ended up in a relationship with someone else and M has an active dating life, despite this, there was no weirdness stemming from the circumstances we met.

We decided to move in together as my lease was up and he was living in a share house. The rent where I live is one of the highest in the world so it was a choice between living with my closest friend or in a share house with 5 strangers for the same price.

I had bought a security camera before we lived together for when I was away from home for days at a time to monitor my cats.

Now back to the present. I was going to be staying at my partner's place for a few days so I set up my camera on my bedroom shelf and informed M that I had done so, the camera captures my bedroom and because my door is always left open for the cats, it had view of half the couch in the living room. When sitting on the couch, the camera is in plain view.

I have a live feed on my phone and would check it occassionally to say hi to the cats thru the speaker, M would hear my voice and pop in frame to flip me off.

And then it happened, I got a notification of movement on the camera and tapped it. I saw M on the couch and he was moving his hand, I thought he was patting my cat on his lap so I zoomed in to take a look. And that was my mistake... It dawned on me what was happening and I instantly recoiled and closed the app. I was frozen in horror, my first thought was please don't get anything on the couch and then, gently caress... my camera records all movement detection on the SD card. The camera is clearly visible if you were to look in the direction of my bedroom from the couch, but I don't believe he would purposely do it in view of the camera.

I went back to the app and turned on the privacy mode to stop any further recording.

So my question now is, do I tell him? Firstly, I would rather him not jerk the chicken on our shared couch. Secondly his penis is now stored on my sd card, I'll have to go thru the footage and manually delete it. I feel if I was in this situation I would want to be told, especially because the footage stored. However I am dreading how awkward the situation would be and I don't want to embarrass him, then again I don't want to encounter any accidents seeped into the upholstery.

Note: my history with him doesn't make discussing sexual things or seeing parts less awkward. I'm a neurodivergent person and talking isn't my strong point

Seems like some people are confused and claiming I'm a type of predator. M knew the camera was there because I told him and pointed it out, when he would come say hi to it, he would stand behind the bedroom doorframe which is opposite the couch. The view of the couch the camera had before I left was far more limited, I wouldn't have been able to see that activity, until M came into my room looking for a spray bottle to water my plants while I was gone, he moved the position of the door while doing so and this lead to the camera having more view than I had anticipated, this I did not notice until later on. And I really didn't expect that he would require some high level of privacy on the couch

# ¿ Feb 15, 2022 02:39

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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