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I got lucky enough in one run to get a Hot Poker from a burning house, and that thing is extremely good in a solo run. Poke a zombie with it, and it's nearly guaranteed the zombie will die a few seconds later. That, plus the minimal stamina use, make it ideal for whittling down large mobs: you can kill zombies nearly as quickly as you can attack, so long as they aren't hidden behind other, already-on-fire zombies. The downside is predictable: I died from setting myself on fire one too many times  But I was also in the middle of trying to stay up all night during an ABL, just to see if I could, so I'd clearly gotten too cocky to survive anyway.
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Dec 20, 2021 16:13
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| # ? May 8, 2024 05:17 |
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UPDATE 23: THERE GOES TOKYO --------------------------------- RESULT BRYU gets booted out of the group to make room for Kaiju. Kaiju joins the team! Onward to Canada! --------------------------------- * Tunes: Nobody Cooled It *  LANK: *shrugs*  KAIJU: Er, is the other one going to-  BRYU: WAAAAAGGH! *runs over the horizon*  ALEX: ... Welcome to the team, I guess?  GAL FIERI: I still think it's something weird. KAIJU:   --------------------------------- Bomber Zombie The group finds an abandoned safehouse. There is a bit of ammo inside. Pistol ammo + 12 Rifle ammo + 14 On further searching, some unfinished pipebombs are in the building. Someone must have had to leave in a hurry. Messing with them could be really dangerous! 1. Leave them alone! 2. Alex- Finish making them --------------------------------- GAL FIERI: Hmm, I've never tried to cook with explosives.  KAIJU:  ALEX: Please don't attempt it now.  --------------------------------- RESULT Alex attempts to finish making the bombs. She easily finishes them, and ends up with 6 pipebombs. Alex's mechanical increases to  (6)--------------------------------- ALEX: You know, it's almost frightening how good I've gotten at this. And with that, Alex has managed to cap Mechanical, despite starting at zero. That's a lot of skill gain!  --------------------------------- DA NA NA NAAAAAAAA! Lank stumbles on a treasure chest. He opens it and holds its contents high above his head. It contained the Muster Sword --------------------------------- LANK: HYUH, HYAH, SI-YAAAAGH! KAIJU: Um, did he just pull that- ALEX: Out of a jewelry box? Yes. I'm just glad it wasn't out of the bonnet this time. GAL FIERI: The final form isn't even on fire? That's just disappointing. LANK:   --------------------------------- Always Be Looting While driving on the Death Road, the groip decides to make a stop for supplies: 1. Rest Stop 2. Lost Stronghold 3. Prepper Cabin 4. Explorer: Drive more - 30 gas --------------------------------- Hoping for some more gas or a chainsaw, so prepper cabin it is. We also just need more food. The stronghold may be a better choice here, but I felt like playing it safe on the zombie sizes as everyone but Kaiju is Tired.  --------------------------------- Prepper Cabin Lank knew some people that became crazy preppers long before the zombies happened. Their cabin is located nearby, and it's still fairly early in the day. Your zombie forecast is: SWARM SIZE: Moderate AGGRESSION: Irritated CURRENT TIME: Morning Visit the cabin --------------------------------- * Tunes: Lootin' *  LANK: WAUGH?! GAL FIERI: Huh, I thought those were just for show. KAIJU: The guy who made this was, uh, very thorough. Kaiju only has one inventory slot, but also has the native claw ability that a dog would have. With her high strength and fitness, she does pretty good with just it. Of course, the AI is prone to picking up weapons anyways.  Meanwhile, Lank's new M*ster Sword isn't much different than his White Sword, mostly trading knockback and the spear swing type for piercing and the wide swing type of the larger axes. I prefer crowd clear over knockback, so I'm more than happy with it. It still shoots beams, but Lank has to have full health for that.  GAL FIERI: I was hoping to see more food here. These are dark times for Flavorville. LANK:  ALEX: We've got enough for tonight at least, that's what counts.  LANK: KYAAAAAAAAA! KAIJU: SKREEEEEAAAAAAAA! GAL & ALEX: KAIJU: S-sorry! It just happens when it wants to. If I could control it, I would. ALEX: ...Somehow that managed to be louder than all the other yelling I've been hearing for the last two weeks. GAL FIERI: Speaking of, we just sounded off the dinner bell for the deadheads. I'm here to serve, not be served!  --------------------------------- RESULT Total Pistol Ammo + 35, total now 123 Total Shotgun Ammo + 40, total now 121 44 zombies destroyed. --------------------------------- * Tunes: Every Step of the Way * We got a bit of food, but it didn't get listed thanks to an extra pipebomb on the floor necessitating a trip to the trunk. In other news, we now have 7 pipebombs, 2 hunting rifles, and 2 cowboy rifles.  --------------------------------- Catch up on Readingg The group now has the magazine, CARS-N-GADGETS. Who should get to read it? --------------------------------- We also found this in there, but it's mostly irrelevant given Alex's technical mastery. Kaiju gets it, as it never hurts to have a backup mechanic just in case.  --------------------------------- RESULT Kaiju gets to read CARS-N-GADGETS. She absorbs the contents! Sadly, she ruins the magazine for others due to her grimy fingers. Kaiju's mechanical increases to (2)--------------------------------- KAIJU: Darn. ALEX: Hm? KAIJU: Nothing in here that'll help me get this suit open. Ah well, I missed having something to read, even if it was kinda boring. GAL FIERI: I'm surprised you can even read in that thing. KAIJU: It took a while, but I got used to it. Same goes for most of this suit, really. GAL FIERI: ...Wait, how long have you been in there? KAIJU: Since the zombpocalypse started. ALEX: ...I'm just surprised it doesn't smell worse. KAIJU: The smell is the only thing I haven't gotten used to. GAL FIERI: Well, you know what would fix that? ALEX: Please don't set the person in the monster suit on fire. ALEX: ...Why does that sentence not seem unusual in the slightest anymore?  LANK: HYAAAAGH! KAIJU: What's gotten into him?! ALEX: I think he wanted to read the book too. You kinda shredded it, mate. KAIJU: Whoops. That, uh, tends to happen with these claws.  --------------------------------- Grocery Trust Exercise The group sets up camp outside a grocery store. They notice another group has been following them and will probably attempt to loot the place. Send one person to loot? 1-3. Send a character 4. Let them have it, avoid trouble --------------------------------- Alex is the natural choice here, as we already know she has 5 loyalty. As an added bonus, since she has high loyalty, she'll always bring back 6-9 food instead of 2-9.  --------------------------------- RESULT The others stand guard outside for the looters as Alex searches the grocery store. Alex brings back some food! Alex's morale up to (6)Get 9 food! The group eats a decent meal. Lose 8 food. --------------------------------- LANK: *stuffs face with food* Hmrpgh! KAIJU: This is pretty good! So you are actually a cook. Huh. GAL FIERI: Not just a cook, THE COOK. What did you think I was? KAIJU: A pyromaniac. GAL FIERI: ...I am legally obligated to refrain from agreeing to that statement.  --------------------------------- Deep Cut Kaiju cuts herself pretty bad while goofing off in the post-apocalypse. She will probably need stitches for her arm. 1. Ignore it & Walk it off 2. Lank attempts to stitch it up 3. Kaiju cauterizes it --------------------------------- This event is rubbish. I opted to attempt the stitch, as the alternatives are worse.  --------------------------------- RESULT Lank tries to suture up Kaiju's arm. He ends up botching the stitches and making the wound worse. The bleeding stops, but Kaiju's arm heals poorly. Kaiju's strength decreases! Kaiju's morale decreases to (2)--------------------------------- KAIJU: SKREEEEAAAAA LANK: HUAAGH! HYA! HYAA! KAIJU: I'm trying to stay still! But- AGH ALEX: ...Maybe we shouldn't have let the nutter with the sword play doctor. GAL FIERI: Ya think? This is why I suggested cauterizing it. ALEX: Fire doesn't solve everything. GAL FIERI: See, you say that, but... Only way we could have avoided strength loss was to succeed this roll or cauterize, which would have instantly put Kaiju into tantrum range. If you do have plenty of morale to spare and don't have a good doctor, just cauterize. It's only a big morale drop. On the other hand, if you succeed the sutures, you get a medical increase.  KAIJU: These roads are awful. Cars don't last long on them. ALEX: You're telling me! I should at least be able to fix- *THA-THUNK* ALEX: -Blimey! LANK: WAWAUGH! ALEX: Ugh, I've seen dirt roads better than this.  --------------------------------- Trading on the Death Road The group continues making progress along hte Death Road. As long as one person remains alive, the dream of Canada lives on. You have 10 food left. Not so unexpectedly, the group finds someone they can trade with: 1. Visit Trader Camp and hope for gas 2. Visit Trader Camp and hope for gas --------------------------------- No seriously, we're running really low on gas.  * Tunes: Green on Green * Not looking good.   SURVIVOR: HEY! GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE! GAL FIERI: Is this really your house? SURVIVOR: ...Um... ALEX: Come on, let's- SURVIVOR: Nah, you got me. Not my house, but I'd like it to be. Been trying to contact this real estate agency for ages, but I can't seem to get a signal. ALEX: Oh. Well, um... good luck with that. SURVIVOR: Thanks! Help yourself to some complementary rifle bullets! I keep them nicely refrigerated. LANK: HYAAAAGH!  ALEX: That means "thanks".  --------------------------------- Blade Master The group meets a man who is carrying many swords. They clank around as he moves. One day I'll make the finest zombie slicing sword ever seen! I just have to figure out how to make swords first. I'll sell you some I found! You have 10 food left. 1. Leave him 2. Kaiju tells him to COOL IT 3. Cheap Katana for 5 food ---------------------------------  BLADE MASTER: Forged in quntillion fold Nippon steel, this can cut through bullets! ALEX: Can I- BLADE MASTER: And here is a reproduction of the sword from Sighlander, you know the one! GAL FIERI: Dude- BLADE MASTER: Oh, is that a limited edition Moster Sword? Man, you've gotta let me try that out! I'll give you 10 food for it! LANK: KYAAAAGH! BLADE MASTER: And this, an authentic Rambeaux combat knife mk.3- KAIJU: SKREEEAAAAAAA  --------------------------------- RESULT Kaiju tells the Blade Master to COOL IT. The Blade Master ignores this. He starts talking about how cool swords are and never stops. The group is forced to sneak out of the trading camp during his endless raving. Kaiju's attitude and wits revealed as  (0)--------------------------------- BLADE MASTER: Now this one right here, a nodachi of cold steel can cut any kaiju down with ease- KAIJU: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! BLADE MASTER: Some old guy once told me to set aside my dream of blades in favor of flamethrowers, but then I realized he was full of it! SWORDS FOREVER, BAYBAY! GAL FIERI: RUN FOR THE CAR!  Welp. There was pretty much nothing there we could buy, and zero sources of gas. On the bright side, at least we know Kaiju qualifies for cool it shenanigans.  GAL FIERI: Maybe if we leave the zombies alone they'll leave us alone. KAIJU: I don't think that's going to work. GAL FIERI: Well, your plan isn't going to either! LANK: YAAAAGH! ALEX: Hey, stop with argy-bargy! KAIJU: ...Who even says that? GAL FIERI: I don't want to lose the Flavorville Express! Not again! ALEX: We'll find some more gas soon! Now just- LANK: YAYAAAUGH! KYAAAH! ALEX: What? What is-  --------------------------------- Factory Complex The group gets overwhelmed by a horde, and flees for a nearby factory. There must be another way out inside. Your zombie forecast is: SWARM SIZE: Thick AGGRESSION: Hunting CURRENT TIME: After Dark --------------------------------- * Tunes: Half-A-Brain Boogie * ALEX: Oh. Bloomin' marvelous. This one's going to prove to be a bit of a challenge, in part thanks to the time.  LANK: HYWAAA! ALEX: C'mon, move your bums! We've got to push through!  LANK: SI-YAAAH! KYAAA! YAAAGH! *Shotgun blast* ALEX: It's like a solid wall of them! KAIJU: I can only claw so many!  GAL FIERI: This way! We'll go around! LANK: HYAAA! ALEX: Alright, sounds- ngh-  ALEX: AGH! *Shotgun blast* ALEX: Aaagh, that'll show you! LANK: WHUH? KAIJU: You okay? ALEX: I... I'll live! Let's go! Keep going! GAL FIERI: Way ahead of ya!  ALEX: Ngh, this is getting dodgier by the second! GAL FIERI: Back up! I've got this!  GAL FIERI: Here's a little spice for you!  GAL FIERI: Not too bad, if I say so myself. ALEX: Looks like the way is clear, let's go!  LANK: HYWAAA! KAIJU: Was this a zombie factory or something?!  The loot room on this map didn't have any gas in it. Tragic.  LANK: KYAAAAAAAAAAA! ALEX: Phew... always glad you're on our side, Lank. LANK: KAIJU: We've got a lot coming up from behind us!  GAL FIERI: Crank up that heat!   GAL FIERI: Outta juice! ALEX: We'll have to hope that's enough. The exit's gotta be around here somewhere!  LANK: Hup, hyah, SI-YAAAAA! KAIJU: There it is! GAL FIERI: Finally!  * Tunes: One More Road * Bleh, that one was actually tough for normal mode.   --------------------------------- Glimmer of Hope on the Death Road The group feels inspired after managing to survive that situation! They feel like they are getting the hang of this... Choose a reward for the group: 1. Morale and random skill gain 2. Strength 3. Fitness 4. Gal Fieri- +2 Shooting  --------------------------------- RESULT Running from zombies all day is a great form of exercise. Kaiju's fitness increased to almost (5)Alex's fitness increased to  (3)Lank's fitness increased to almost (5)Gal Fieri's fitness increases to (3)--------------------------------- ALEX: Well, we made it out alive. Things can only go up from here, right?  --------------------------------- OUT OF GAS The car has run completely out of gas, and coasts to a stop. CAR ABANDONED! --------------------------------- * Tunes: Frankenstein Goes to Jamaica *  ALEX: ...Oh, right. GAL FIERI: Farewell, Flavorville Express 2! WHAT AWAITS OUR KOOKY CREW? FIND OUT NEXT TIME, ON DEATH ROAD TO CANADA Left 4 Bread fucked around with this message at 17:38 on Jan 4, 2022 |
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Jan 1, 2022 07:53
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Early-ish update to bring us back after the two week break. Consider it a New Year's gift! Next update will be out sometime next week, maybe Friday if I feel like I want to line back up with the original schedule. I was busy with other things these last two weeks, and I've not had too much time to myself, unfortunately. Still, I managed to fit a few more solo marathon attempts in today, but none got past 10 days this time around. Forced siege in the mall took most of them down.
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Jan 1, 2022 07:58
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Hooray, a new update! I'm digging Kaiju's personality. She's basically a dog that's supertrained from the get go, eh? With 1 more health and a slower walk speed?
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Jan 1, 2022 17:38
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:Hooray, a new update! I'm digging Kaiju's personality. She's basically a dog that's supertrained from the get go, eh? With 1 more health and a slower walk speed? I've got something I'm aiming for with Kaiju, and luckily the game gives me exactly what I need for that in the next update. She's more of a human with dog aspects mixed to her, if you ask me. + 1 vitality rather than -1 vitality, Natural claw attack, 1 equip slot, Normal dexterity, Doesn't count as an animal for relevant events, Base 4 strength and fitness, rather than the -1 or -2 dogs have. At the end of the day, she's worse than a very high level dog or a very high level human, but her base stats give her a position on almost any team in need of a decent fighter.
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Jan 1, 2022 18:11
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She's three dogs in a trenchcoat.
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Jan 1, 2022 22:37
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Loving Kaiju's writing! Knocking it out of the park as always Odd! I was so worried Alex was going to die, she's my favorite.
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Jan 2, 2022 07:25
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Black Robe posted:She's three dogs in a trenchcoat. Now that you mention it, when you look at the similarities...  PinkDawn posted:I was so worried Alex was going to die, she's my favorite. It got close there for a bit! The screenshots luckily cut out all the frantic switching and management of the AI- that factory was full of zombies and objects to get stuck on. That and what follows kept me on the edge of my seat in what had been a relatively easy run up until this point. Oh, and in other news, back when there was discussion in the thread about a run ending with only a mix of animals, I can now confirm that it does happen. Was trying a speedrun of the game for the heck of it, and lost my last human in a roadside siege. My party then was only consisting of a dog and a pig, which gave me a game over instead of supertraining. It seems like the game knows to fix this when you start O.P.P. mode, but not after doing a normal map.
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Jan 2, 2022 17:33
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Factory "run to the exit" sieges are the worst, incidentally. They seem to have way more zombies than other types, there's lots of obstructions, and there's no furniture to throw to help clear the path. (Small indoor sieges are also the worst) I think what happens with the animals is that if all humans die, the game scans through the party to see if there's a special "this character is on their own" event. And unfortunately, dogs have lower priority than several events that just end runs instead.
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Jan 2, 2022 18:00
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:Factory "run to the exit" sieges are the worst, incidentally. They seem to have way more zombies than other types, there's lots of obstructions, and there's no furniture to throw to help clear the path. Full agree on Factory runs being the worst of the "run to the exit" type. Would rather have a tunnel or a sewer run any day. A few certain things inside the factory can be thrown, provided you are lucky to have someone with enough strength. But that requires the really high strength values only achievable with specific builds or rare events. In practice, you'll usually won't have that advantage and the junk scattered around just proves to be stuff for the AI to get stuck on. Personally, the Mall Siege is the worst. I've lost somewhere around 5 to 9 decent Marathon runs to it- the layout is horrible and leaves basically no room to strafe while being considered large enough to get extremely packed. Still, getting stuck in defending a tiny house is also usually very lethal. As for the event priority, yeah I think that's what's going on. It rates other bailout events higher than the dogs' event during normal gameplay.
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Jan 2, 2022 18:35
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Nice to see this thread still going after my short SA break. It's also nice to see L*nk alive.
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Jan 3, 2022 23:13
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Inspired by this thread, I revisited this game for the first time since 2017, and finally got my first win!
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Jan 6, 2022 02:59
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Funktor posted:Inspired by this thread, I revisited this game for the first time since 2017, and finally got my first win! Nice work! Anything in particular that you think got you through to Canada? I've managed to get a little bit of co-op action in recently, so it's been nice to get a feel for that again even if it plays a little differently from what I remember. Next update is ready, I'll probably put it out sometime tomorrow. This run's only got 3 days until Canada!
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Jan 6, 2022 05:19
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Odd Wilson posted:Nice work! Anything in particular that you think got you through to Canada? I think it was a few small things together. One was planning around the City of Crushed Dreams event, as I had gotten stopped there a couple times before. I had a very melee-heavy build throughout the game, but made sure to train one character's shooting and have a couple of (not even nice; midrange) guns and a few explosives for that encounter. I started with a megabuff and a friend of dog; my final party was the two of them and two dogs. Friend of Dog was the shooter, of course, and as fallback had a dagger that a trader had given her out of pity. Megabuff never found anything nicer than her beginning metal pipe. I lost the megabuff to a poorly placed molotov after I got myself cornered in an alley; one of the dogs got surrounded and killed. My remaining ally and her dog lasted just long enough to escape. Getting to the Canadian border was an adventure - those last hordes are *real* thick - but once we got the mounties it was all a relative cakewalk.
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Jan 6, 2022 15:17
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UPDATE 24: TALE OF SWOLDA: MADOKA'S MASK * Tunes: Frankenstein Goes to Jamaica *  --------------------------------- Free Boot The group spots an old boot on the road. It doesn't look like it's anyone's size, but it's free! This is surely a symbol of good luck. 1. Get that boot 2. Ignore boot --------------------------------- KAIJU: Can you cook this? GAL FIERI: Are you kidding me? I can cook anything. KAIJU: Can you make it taste good, though? GAL FIERI: Are you kidding me? Boot leather never tastes good. Physically impossible. *DA NA NA NAAAAA* LANK: ALEX: Lank, why are you- ALEX: You know what, nevermind. You do you. Believe it or not, this actually does modify the RNG.  --------------------------------- Reluctant Bandits Without a car, the group is a sitting duck for bandits. The group is ambushed by awkward bandits that apologize for the robbery. They are likely new at this. They demand the remainder of your food, and a quarter of yoru ammo and medical supplies. 1. Give in to bandit demands. 2. Refuse and fight! --------------------------------- LANK: KYAAAA! KAIJU: Oh, for- come on! GAL FIERI: Hey, at least they apologized. That's pretty funky. ALEX: ...Fine. Here, I'll go sort out the kit. KAIJU: Wait, we're just going to give it up? Even after you gave us all these guns?    LANK: WAAUGH?! KYAAUGH?! ALEX: Gal's out of juice, and I'm not exactly in- ngh- the best of condition, if you haven't noticed. ALEX: ...Oh, I don't fancy doing this... ALEX: Hey, um, it's fine if we keep our guns loaded, right? You wouldn't want us to get hurt, would you...?   BANDIT 1: ...I think that's fair, right?  BANDIT 2: Uhh...Y-yeah! That's, um, based! you're not a bunch of cringelords. Gotta balance out the ratio of cringe to based in the world. ALEX: Ohh, thanks so much~! Here you gooo~! BANDIT 2: Say, er, would you like to go-  --------------------------------- RESULT The group decides to play it safe. They give into the bandits' demands. Lose all food! Lost 8 pistol ammo! Lost 6 rifle ammo! Lost 18 shotgun ammo! Kaiju's morale decreases to (3)Alex's morale decreases to almost (5)Lank's morale decreases to almost (5)Gal's morale decreases to almost (5)--------------------------------- ALEX: Blegh, that was rubbish. At least those dinguses fell for it pretty easily. GAL FIERI: Sure, we saved a bunch of ammo, but what about the FOOD? ALEX: We'll find more, just- argh... give it some time. KAIJU: ...You sure you're doing fine? ALEX: Y-yeah. I'll live. Honestly, being so beat up might have helped me back there. KAIJU: It might also have something to do with how everything you're wearing barely fits. ALEX: Firstly, I didn't want to wear this. Secondly, this is coming from the person in the dinosaur suit. GAL FIERI: She's got you there. KAIJU: ...Dang it.  And that's how you exploit the game to retain ammo and gas from events. Just equip people with guns/gas weapons while in travel mode/event choice to stick the respective ammo into their inventory. You can't save food or medical with this, but it's great nonetheless. Of course, this won't matter if bandits literally take your weapons too, as that will take what you're holding. Had we fought there, Alex would have died. 10 food and a few bullets to save a character is more than fine with me. ------------------------------ BANDIT 1: ...Dude, I think we got ripped off. BANDIT 2: Nah man, they were rolling melee. It's the based thing to do. BANDIT 1: They had like, five guns. BANDIT 2: ...Wait, they did?  BANDIT 1: Yep. You were too busy staring at her shoulders weren't you?  BANDIT 2: ...It's, er, the based thing to do. Yeah... that...  ------------------------------  --------------------------------- Last Stop Junk and Salvage The group walks to a junkyard with a car pulled up to the front of it. The car looks it will run, and it might be the last one you see for awhile. Your zombie forecast is: SWARM SIZE: Thick AGGRESSION: Calm CURRENT TIME: Late Morning Explore Junkyard --------------------------------- Well, time to get a new car. It'll probably be bad, but I'll take anything. I think it's also time I show off a mechanic I haven't touched on.  ALEX: Hey, er, if you don't mind... can I sit this one out? I'll watch our stuff, just come pick me up when you get the car. LANK: HYAAGH! *thrusts sword to the sky* KAIJU: Sure, whatever. Can we at least have your guns? ALEX: Yeah, I'll just keep the silenced pistol. Here, Lank, catch- you're in charge. LANK: *pumps shotgun* KYAGH! KAIJU: Hey, what about me? ALEX: You already took my axe. KAIJU: What do you mean? This axe is mine. ALEX: ...Wait, I thought I left that thing at the arcade. GAL FIERI: You've been holding onto it for dear life the entire time. ALEX: GAL FIERI: Anyways, I'm bored and my feet hurt. I want a car.  I'm not taking any risks here, so Alex is sitting this one out so that there's zero chance she loses the last bit of her health. Junkyards have a lot of object clutter, and it can be easy to get cornered. Lank's leading this little excursion.  *dada-ling* LANK: SI-YAAGH! GAL FIERI: Well, at least it's some food. Nice job, tights. KAIJU: Why is the crazy guy with the sword in charge, anyways? LANK: KYAAAA! Hup, hyut! KYAAAAAGHAA! GAL FIERI: ...Is that enough of an explanation for you? KAIJU: I have a feeling it's the only one I'm getting.  KAIJU: Hey, wait up! LANK: HYAAAAGH!  LANK: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  GAL FIERI: Hm. Trashburgers. I might be able to give those the Flavortown Special Treatment. You don't have to eat the whole burger, after all. KAIJU: Ugh, I just want to know why the only food that survived is burger flavored. Like, all of it. GAL FIERI: The truth was all covered up by BIG BURGER CORPORATIONS. LANK: WAWAUGH?! KAIJU: The what...? GAL FIERI: Shush! They're still listening, somewhere out there... those vile purveyors of tasteless deep fry oil alongside soulless searing... GAL FIERI: Anyways, just eat around the mold. Or eat it too, it's got some nutritional value.  *DA NA N-* KAIJU: Do you have to do that every time? LANK: GAL FIERI: Well, let's go see what the keys are for.  LANK: KYAAAGH! KAIJU: A burger truck now seems... oddly accurate. GAL FIERI: Big Burger is watching  LANK: YAAAYAAAAAUGH! KAIJU: WHY DID WE LET HIM DRIIIIIIIIVE GAL FIERI: It's more fun this way- WOOOOOO KAIJU: AAAAAAAAGH  --------------------------------- MISSION SUMMARY Got 4 food! Got 64 gas! Got 1 medical, total now 2. Total pistol ammo: 121 Total rifle ammo 176 Total shotgun ammo: 105 37 zombies --------------------------------- Pretty fast, get in, get out affair. At least we got enough for a half meal.   --------------------------------- Boring Stop The group finds an empty spot along the road that looks as good for camping as any. The group is low on food, and eats less. Lose 4 food! Kaiju's morale decreases to (2)Alex's morale decreases to (4)Lank's morale decreases to (4)Gal Fieri's morale decreases to (4)--------------------------------- ALEX: Well, at least we've got a car. We'll get some more food soon. KAIJU: You know, if we hadn't given up our food to those dinguses, we wouldn't be eating half molded trashburgers. ALEX: Yeah, well, not everyone has a protective suit here. We're pretty roughed up as is- we couldn't afford to be any more beat up. GAL FIERI: You gonna eat the rest of that? If you put paprika on the orange stuff, now that's an exotic flavor. KAIJU: By "exotic" you mean barely palatable, right? GAL FIERI: If you only ever eat good food, it'll stop tasting so good.  Alex is healed a bit by Lank! ALEX: Oh, uh... you could have used that on yourself. You really didn't have to- LANK: *shakes head* ALEX: Well, it feels a lot better now. Thanks! LANK:  --------------------------------- Choose UR Fate Five bandits ambush the group while they are about to sneak into a zombie infested house. The bandits speak in a half-whisper, afraid to attract undead attention. They say to hand them over some supplies, or they'll yell. 1. Don't have the food! 2. Kaiju tells Bandits to 'Cool It' 3. Call bluff --------------------------------- ALEX: (Okay, I don't think the cutesy girl thing is going to work here again.) LANK: (*mmpgh mmph MMPGH*) KAIJU: (okay don't screech, don't screech, don't screech) GAL FIERI: Hey, nerds, we don't have any food. That's why we're in here.  --------------------------------- RESULT Gal Fieri explains that the group doesn't have enough food. The bandits think that this is a lie! The bandits were all talk, and don't make a sound when their bluff is called. The group goes back to the car as the bandits creep away. --------------------------------- GAL FIERI: FINALLY, some people who recognize my fame. ALEX: Um, Gal, bird, I think they were just afraid of the napalm launcher. GAL FIERI: To be fair, a lot of my fans gave me that reaction when they first saw the Flavorbeast. KAIJU: "Flavorbeast"? ALEX: Is that even what you called it before? GAL FIERI: Of course it is! I swear, your amnesia is getting worse. LANK: *mmpghgmmpgh* ALEX: Oh, sorry. LANK: Aaaaah! KYAAAAGH! This event is really random. Whether or not they think you're lying is random, whether or not it is a bluff is random- it's a really unpredictable one. Most of the team is still sitting on 2/3 HP, so I'm happy to avoid more damage at the cost of some COOL IT.  --------------------------------- City in the Storm A storm descends on the group. In the pouring rain, the zombies of this city search for the living! Your zombie forecast is: SWARM SIZE: Moderate AGGRESSION: Hunting CURRENT TIME: Late Afternoon 1. UMBRELLA SHOP 2. BOOK STORE --------------------------------- * Tunes: Rigor Mortis Rag * Hm. Umbrellas really only matter if it rains while on foot, and I'd like more skill points, so the bookstore it is.  ALEX: Gal! Why'd you get out on that side of the car?! GAL FIERI: I dunno. These zombies are really riled up, aren't they? KAIJU: The rain does that to them for some reason.  ALEX: Hya! ALEX: Hey, Lank, this boomerang of yours is pretty good! LANK: KYAAAGH!   GAL FIERI: Ugh, we've got more coming! ALEX: Blimey, are you bleeding? KAIJU: You sure it's not just her supply of ketchup or something? GAL FIERI: Actually, let me check- KAIJU: Ew. GAL FIERI: Yep, definitely blood. My homemade ketchup is safe. For whatever reason, Gal's AI was being a major dink on this run, lagging way behind the group for no discernable reason. She was literally right beside Alex when I entered the store and just kinda started freaking out at the entrance. Oh, and speaking of weird AI, it turns out that randomly lost ammo that keeps happening with her is not an AI thing. The napalm launcher just passively consumes ammo when held out, like a revved but idle chainsaw. That actually really hurts the viability of the Pyro/Specialist build, which was already shaky to begin with.  GAL FIERI: There! That'll keep em off our back. ALEX: If it doesn't burn the whole building down, that is!  KAIJU: Moron's Guide to Surgery, Volume II? LANK: HYWAAA! ALEX: Given how much we're getting hurt recently, we're going to need it. Lank, you can carry it.  KAIJU: Oh, hm. There might be some good reading in here. LANK: HWUH? ALEX: "The Anime Store"? GAL FIERI: May I restate my belief that the suit is some kind of weird thing? KAIJU: I told you that it's not! It's, um... a long story.  ALEX: Hey, other survivors! KAIJU: Wait a second...  --------------------------------- The Anime Club Clyde seems troubled and nervous. Not because of Alex, just in general. I guess we can help you out, but it's not because we like you or anything! ---------------------------------  CLYDE: B-besides, the hordes are, um, coming... ALEX: Yeah, it's something about the rain.  --------------------------------- The Anime Club Mark looks at Alex with a quiet sense of superiority. I guess we can help you out, but it's not because we like you or anything! --------------------------------- ALEX: Are you all going to say that?  MARK: If you were of our caliber, you'd understand. ALEX: I'm already having second thoughts about this.  --------------------------------- The Anime Club Dave doesn't say anything, but starts following Alex. I guess we can help you out, but it's not because we like you or anything! ---------------------------------  DAVE: ... CLYDE: I, uh, t-think Dave's coming with. ALEX: Sure, whatever. MARK: Power in numbers, a self-evident truth of war. ALEX: Is he going to be doing this the entire time? MARK: The answer to that should be obvious... ALEX:  --------------------------------- Anime Found Alex finds an anime titled I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FIANCE IS SOME KIND OF FISH CREATURE! It's a comic about a woman who has a dreary job in an office. Her life is brightened by getting a pet fish that has a human face and talks. The plot involves them having to eventually get married due to a wizard's curse. --------------------------------- LANK: WAUGH?!  GAL FIERI: So weird. MARK: You could never understand... ALEX: Given how the whole world's lost the plot, I wonder how long until these things become reality. CLYDE: H-hopefully soon! Imagine a dark magical girl coming to save us from the zombpocalypse! Just l-like REAPER RED WITCH Z- 5TH PENTAGRAM! DAVE:  MARK: A fish fiancee would still be better. For obvious reasons.  --------------------------------- The Anime Club Mort seems irritated by Alex's existence. I guess we can help you out, but it's not because we like you or anything! --------------------------------- KAIJU: YOU!  MORT: H-huh?! That suit, it's not- KAIJU: You better believe it's poss- KAIJU: SKREEAAAAAAA! GAL FIERI: Oh, so you two know each other? MORT: So...Kaitlyn Juniper, so we meet again. *pushes up glasses* KAIJU: Give me my five hundred bucks, you nerd! MARK: The US Dollar Bill lost it's value when- KAIJU: I don't care! You don't trick me into wearing this dumb suit and ran out on the date without paying! GAL FIERI: Aha! I told you it was something weird! I told you all! ALEX: I am deeply confused and I want no part in this.   MORT: I don't see why- KAIJU: I HAVE BEEN IN THIS SUIT FOR MONTHS, PAY UP MORT: O-okay fine! The money's, uh, in one of the houses nearby. ----------------- CLYDE: D-dude, how did you get THE Kaitlyn Juniper to agree to that? I t-thought you were joking! MARK: Indeed, the chances seem to be that of the average gacha roll. MORT: Um, does either of you maybe have.. er, half a thousand dollars? CLYDE: ...Oh no. -----------------  --------------------------------- Mysterious Anime Box Lank finds a box of anime. It contains a bunch of anime girl masks. 1. Leave it alone for now. 2. Lank puts the anime mask on --------------------------------- ALEX: Lank? Hey, where did you- LANK: NGH AGH YAAAAAAAAGH  --------------------------------- RESULT Lank is now officially an anime girl! Nice! --------------------------------- ALEX: Aaaaaalright then.  LANK: KYAAAAAAH ♪ KAIJU: Why. THE ANIME CREW:   KAIJU: Until I get my money, I'm taking your anime! CLYDE: *gasp* MARK: Ngh! *looks away* DAVE: ...! MORT: No...!   KAIJU: I'm not seeing my money, Mort! MORT: I-it's, um, the next house! Yeah!  There is absolutely too many characters here.  GAL FIERI: Food! Glorious good eating! Finally! ALEX: Not much, but it'll do!  KAIJU: That's it, pay up! MORT: I don't have it, okay?! LANK: HYAAAAH?! ♪  * Tunes: They Can't Be Stopped * ALEX: Hey, mates, I think we've got more important things to worry about! GAL FIERI: Yeah, forget this pointless drama, we've got to go! MORT: B-but... my limited edition copy of Sandwich-chan! KAIJU: You should have - SKREEEEAAAAAA  KAIJU: Yeah, you know what? See you never, nerds!  --------------------------------- MISSION SUMMARY Found 7 food. Total gas: 38 Total medical: 2 Total pistol ammo: 152 Total rifle ammo: 196 Total shotgun ammo: 112 --------------------------------- CLYDE: G-great. Just, great. H-how are we supposed to subsist on anime if we don't have any anime?! MARK: Mort... MORT: Yeah? DAVE: You're a dink.  --------------------------------- Catch up on Reading The group now has the book, MORON'S GUIDE TO SURGERY. Everyone gets a chance to read it and learn some new things. Gal Fieri's medical increases to (2)Lank's medical increases to (3)Alex's medical increases to (3)Kaiju's medical increases to almost (1)--------------------------------- LANK: HYWAA! ♪ ALEX: I guess that means you're getting better at it. KAIJU: That reminds, me, I might as well read that manga.  --------------------------------- Kaiju finds an anime called: SANDWICH-CHAN: It's a graphic novel about a magical anime girl who is also a sandwich that lives in a refrigerator. Or maybe it's a sandwich that is also a magical anime girl. The plot is a little difficult to follow. --------------------------------- KAIJU: This just kinda made me hungry. GAL FIERI: Speaking of hunger, I don't know if we ended up with enough food. ALEX: I guess it's another ration day.  Gal Fieri is healed a bit by Lank! GAL FIERI: Uh, thanks. I feel it necessary to inform you that the mask is very creepy, and not funky at all. LANK: HYAAAAAAGH! ♪ KAIJU: I mean, I thought he was just into cosplay, but I uh... I don't really know what to say about this.  --------------------------------- Can Shooting Practice The group camps out in a big field. The group is low on food, and eats less. Lose 4 food! Kaiju's morale decreases to (2)Alex's morale decreases to (3)Lank's morale decreases to (3)Gal Fieri's morale decreases to (3)1. Leave the camp. 2. Shoot the cans. --------------------------------- GAL FIERI: Man, I was hoping these antique cans would still have soup in them or something. KAIJU: Ughh... why can't we find any more food than this?! I swear, if Sandwich-chan was here, I'd probably eat her. LANK: WAWAUGH? ♪ GAL FIERI: ...Why is everything so much weirder all of the sudden? ALEX: Is it? I really can't tell anymore. Only thing I've noticed is that you're crankier than usual. GAL FIERI: I'm a professional chef without any food, what do you expect?  ALEX: At least the horizon is rather pretty. I think we're getting pretty close to Canada by this point. KAIJU: I'd say we're not too far off now. Maybe 3 days away? GAL FIERI: That's what that one sign says, at least. Seriously. ALEX: "3 Days to Canada". Huh. KAIJU: Funny to think that if I had gotten my money back then, I could have gotten my car fixed and I would've been not stuck in this suit and resting easy in Canada for months now. GAL FIERI: Wowwww, that's what this whole thing is about? I thought Pinky here sold out the other day, but this just takes the steak. ALEX: Please don't call me that.  --------------------------------- Hand Upgrade The group finds a makeshift surgery room. In one corner is a skeleton with a double barrel shotgun and prosthetic chainsaw hand, both empty. Chainsaw hand? That seems like a good idea! Replace someone's hand with a chainsaw: 1. Loot supplies instead 2-4. Pick a party member --------------------------------- GAL FIERI: Oooooooooh! LANK: KYAAAAA! ♪ KAIJU: A chainsaw hand? ALEX: I'm not so sure about this... And here is where we end the update! Who gets the CHAINSAW HAND, or do we just leave it alone and take all the MEDICINE? Something worth mentioning is the weird way this event works. For whatever reason, the chainsaw hand insists on being put in the first slot, but will replace any fixed item in said slot. If given to Lank, the M*ster Sword is replaced. If given to Kaiju, she's left without any other usable slots. If given to Gal, her napalm launcher is removed, but because she's a Specialist, she gets an extra inventory slot. It works fine on Alex, giving her a permanently fixed slot, but she also has 0 strength and will struggle to start the thing. Honestly, the way this affects most of our characters is rather uncool and majorly detrimental. If you do decide to give the hand to anyone but Alex, there may be some M*A*G*I*C involved. Because a chainsaw hand should be cool. Well, get to voting! Left 4 Bread fucked around with this message at 08:34 on Jan 7, 2022 |
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Jan 6, 2022 19:40
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Funktor posted:I think it was a few small things together. One was planning around the City of Crushed Dreams event, as I had gotten stopped there a couple times before. I had a very melee-heavy build throughout the game, but made sure to train one character's shooting and have a couple of (not even nice; midrange) guns and a few explosives for that encounter. I started with a megabuff and a friend of dog; my final party was the two of them and two dogs. Friend of Dog was the shooter, of course, and as fallback had a dagger that a trader had given her out of pity. Megabuff never found anything nicer than her beginning metal pipe. Hey, as long as you make it through. The City is the one part that probably kills the most runs, and absolutely needs you to have a lot of shotgun shells, automatic guns, gas weapons, and explosives if you try to survive in the streets. Especially so if there's no clean circle around the map to strafe with. Getting stuck down an alley is one of the worst things, but at least zombies will be distracted by the corpses for a while. I've kept a few runs going through deadly sieges with heroic sacrifices being made. Daggers are pretty decent low stats weapons, but I prefer brass knuckles and golden daggers where possible. My eventual fallback is usually hatchets or tire irons. I won't lie, these days I've just been using the trick where you jump into a building very quickly and just hold off the roof-fall zombies and any ones that wander in. As long as you get into one of the buildings in under about 40 minutes and without shooting any guns, the great majority of the outdoor zombies won't find you. If you do try it, just be sure to have some good melee ability or a full team. A small team of weak fighters will struggle with it on their own. As for the Canada run, I always go to the far left or right with the last horde- there's usually a thin spot in the wall you can break through.
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Jan 6, 2022 19:51
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Oh my god, it finally happened. I vote for no chainsaw hands, mostly because you already have a napalm launcher and that feels kinda redundant. But also, you could really use the meds from looting. I had a run where I bought two turrets, expecting to use them in the final sieges...then when those sieges arrived, the turrets weren't in my inventory! I'm wondering if maybe my inventory was full when I bought them, and so they disappeared? 
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Jan 6, 2022 20:03
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No to Chainsaw Hands. Medical supplies sound good. Does the anime mask do anything or is it just cosmetic? Does Lank lose the ability to find random items?
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Jan 6, 2022 20:22
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Always be looting
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Jan 6, 2022 20:29
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Gal Fieri, Chainsaw Connoisseur! It might not be an optimal choice, but it would be a hilarious one, and that's good enough for me.
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Jan 6, 2022 20:48
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No to Chainsaw Hands. We need those meds more, chainsaw hands are impractical for our kooky crew.
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Jan 6, 2022 20:52
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Take the meds instead. Poor L*nk. Tragically anime'd.
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Jan 6, 2022 21:06
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Give the chainsaw hand to Gal. The napalm launcher has been a problem since the start, might as well replace it with a new problem.
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Jan 6, 2022 21:13
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No to chainsaw hand. Seems like it'd be fun in some other team, but not so much here.
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Jan 6, 2022 22:11
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No to chainsaw. Anybody care to explain the anime mechanics?
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Jan 7, 2022 00:25
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Donkringel posted:Does the anime mask do anything or is it just cosmetic? Does Lank lose the ability to find random items? Funktor posted:Anybody care to explain the anime mechanics? The anime box just replaces the character's head, in the same way random head doctor can. It doesn't actually change anything about the character aside from that. No way to take it back off once it's done though. The mask salesman's back in Termina, so Lank is stuck like this. He's already found all the items he can find, the Mou*#ster Sword is the final upgrade. Alex did lose his metal boomerang at some point during all of that, but I forgot to bring it up. If you were asking about that anime mechanic then... Anime Girl has high starting fitness and decent strength. The heart wand is unbreakable, fires a ricochet capable projectile but is otherwise okay. After every completed map or enough time passing, Anime Girl will receive a boost in dexterity. This goes into 3 stages, with Anime Girl becoming extremely melted. At this point, overuse of the wand, or enough time passing will cause her to explode. It hurts your team if in the car, so don't let it happen there. - Last Anime Salesmen will dump their entire stock on you for free if Anime Girl talks to them. - Characters with Anime Fan will turn into the Anime Girl if they hit max morale. - Talking to any of the 4 people from The Anime Store (Clyde, Dave, Mark, or Mort,) will halt the anime curse, and she'll no longer explode. That's about it. Usually you never find the Anime Store when you actually need it. TooMuchAbstraction posted:Oh my god, it finally happened. katie predicted this As for the turrets, that can happen, yeah, but I think the trashcan slot doesn't auto delete. It might do so between missions, I don't really know. Although, I think items exceeding your inventory just drop on the ground if purchased? I vaguely remember something like that. Final answer: Maybe Always gotta be careful about the inventory filling up. Random rescues and events have a habit of just junking up the inventory with stuff. Left 4 Bread fucked around with this message at 01:32 on Jan 7, 2022 |
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Jan 7, 2022 01:26
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It’s the Anime Club! I guess this is where they meet after they got kicked out of the library.
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Jan 7, 2022 01:27
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No to chainsaw hand. Time to never see it on a run where it'd actually be cool to have!
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Jan 7, 2022 07:33
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What the Anime gently caress Odd. What the Anime gently caress.
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Jan 7, 2022 08:01
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This update was the absolute definition of Girl.
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Jan 7, 2022 08:10
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Leave the chainsaw hand, it doesn’t really fit anybody’s vibe here.
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Jan 7, 2022 08:34
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Donkringel posted:What the Anime gently caress Odd. Well, people voted for the weirdness run the game delivered
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Jan 7, 2022 08:36
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this game rules
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Jan 7, 2022 14:41
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Why can't we just take the shotgun? Leave the chainsaw hand since no one can use it; what a shame!
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Jan 8, 2022 00:09
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Tallying up the votes, it looks like we'll just avoid cutting someone's hand off to stick a chainsaw to it. Just 3 days left in the run! Next update, probably out on Friday unless I decide to just put it out earlier.
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Jan 9, 2022 21:36
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Odd Wilson posted:Next update, probably out on Friday unless I decide to just put it out earlier. ...Or I could get caught up with other games. In my defense, at least I only said "probably?" I've got the next update like, halfway done, Edit: Got it done! Those storms are still a possibility though. Left 4 Bread fucked around with this message at 23:04 on Jan 15, 2022 |
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Jan 15, 2022 04:08
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UPDATE 25: Empty Jars of Protein Powder * Tunes: Rigor Mortis Rag * The thread has opted for no chainsaw hands today.  --------------------------------- RESULT Instead of going through with all the hand replacement surgery, the group loots all the medical supplies in the room. There's even a Healing Spray! Get 9 medical! Alex manages to convert the chainsaw hand into a normal wieldable chainsaw! (You also get the DB shotgun, but the game doesn't mention it.) --------------------------------- ALEX: I'm not sure why we were seriously considering sawing someone's hand off for this. KAIJU: Yeeeaaaah, on second thought, it maybe wouldn't have been the best idea. LANK: GAL FIERI: I still think it would've been rather funky, but only half as cool as a Hand Flamethrower. That'd be one real Iron Chef.  Lank is fully healed by Lank! LANK: KYAAAAA! ♪ KAIJU: Before I could never really tell if he was in pain or, like, excited or something. Now it's just even more confusing. ALEX: I think he's hungry. GAL FIERI: Who here isn't? Sometimes it's a curse that I can make food taste so good- just leaves you wanting for more. ALEX: I think the issue here is that we're not getting enough nosh in general, not having cravings. KAIJU: Not gonna lie, I'm actually kinda craving trashburgers right now. LANK: KYAAUYAUGH!♪ GAL FIERI: All I've got is barbecued boot leather. Sorry.  --------------------------------- The Last Bodybuilder The group enters an abandoned gym. There, on a throne of old protein powder jars, sits a bronzed bodybuilder. I AM... THE LAST BODYBUILDER! YEAH!!! He FLEXES and GRUNTS, in a mournful manner. 1. Ask for strength tips. 2. Try to recruit him. 3. Lank starts a flexing contest. --------------------------------- ALEX: Oh, blimey... he's hench!  LANK: WAUGH?♪  TLB: Only the HENCHEST. KAIJU: Protein powder! Food! TLB: They're all empty. *MOURNFUL GRUNT* GAL FIERI: Darn. I was about to recreate that Swole Jim sponsored feast. TLB: ... ALEX: ...Hey, uh, this might be weird, do you know of the Swolen One? TLB: I do, for I AM HE. TLB: ...Or at least I was. *MELANCHOLY FLEX* GAL FIERI: "Was?"  TLB: In these troubled times, another person of GREAT SWOLE has unofficially taken my name. ALEX: So the Disciples of the Forbidden Pump aren't yours? I had a, um, friend who was one... LANK: TLB: I see their LEGACY continues. But no, they are no longer mine. They all opted for a most DANGEROUS road.... TLB: POWER without DISCIPLINE. ALEX: Well... that does describe her. I still think she would've liked to meet you... TLB: I would have LIKED to meet her as well. Alas... *DEPRESSED POSING* TLB: ...But I would also LIKE to see you all to CANADA.  --------------------------------- Getting Pumped with T*L*B THE LAST BODYBUILDER gives the group some excellent tips on getting swolled up during the post-apocalypse. The advice is so good that a pump is felt immediately, no working out required. Kaiju's strength increases! Alex's strength increases to almost (2)Lank's strength increases to almost (5)Gal Fieri's strength increases to almost (5)--------------------------------- TLB: ...those are the beginning doctrines of the original SEEKERS OF SWOLE. Go forth, and seek CANADA and SWOLE. ALEX: Wait, you're not coming with us? TLB: I... I must STAY here for personal REASONS. Be SAFE, be SWOLE, and beware the so-called GOD OF FURNITURE. *FAREWELL FLEX* LANK: SI-YAAAAAUGH!♪ *thrusts sword to the sky* GAL FIERI: ...Darn, there really isn't anything in these jars. KAIJU: I have no idea what's going on, I'm sure it's got some kind of earlier plot relevance but I'm just hoping for food. T*L*B is a good find, but a niche party member. There's not really anyone I can consider replacing, not even Gal, who's going to see her best use here in the end. I do kinda wish I had found this before the Hand Chainsaw event though. This would've been a much better vote.  ALEX: Well, I think things are going to start looking up. GAL FIERI: You might want to look down at the dashboard. ALEX: Huh?  --------------------------------- OUT OF GAS The car has run completely out of gas, and coasts to a stop. CAR ABANDONED! --------------------------------- * Tunes: Frankenstein Goes to Jamaica * ALEX: Bloomin' marvelous. LANK: HYYYYAAAGH KAIJU: Sometimes I wish it was possible to walk to Canada. GAL FIERI: What do you mean "sometimes?"  --------------------------------- Bottomless Pit While walking, Lank doesn't notice a hole in his backpack. By the time he realizes this, there had been hours of opportunity for supplies to fall through. Lank's morale decreases to (2)Lose 2 food! Lose 4 medical! Lose 10 pistol ammo! Lose 13 rifle ammo! Lose 7 shotgun ammo! --------------------------------- KAIJU: Ugh, really? You didn't think shoving your sword in there was going to put a hole through it? LANK: KYAAAAAGH!♪ ALEX: Would you two chi-  --------------------------------- All Dirty While walking through the woods Alex doesn't pay attention to where she is going and falls into a deep puddle of water. Her gear is fully submerged, putting supplies in danger. Lose 2 medical! Lose 10 pistol ammo! Lose 14 rifle ammo! Alex's morale decreases to almost (1)--------------------------------- ALEX: -iiiIIIILLLLL *splash* ALEX: Blebpethtlbelgelelghhhh.... GAL FIERI: Yeah, this is exactly why I just do tailgates. Hiking just leads to this. ALEX: Ughhhh... those meds sure lasted a while. I avoided the majority of the ammo loss by pre-equipping the group as soon as the car went, but the last of our food and most of those meds just went into the trash. Could've been bandits, I guess.  --------------------------------- RUN IT ALL OVER While walking along the outskirts of town, Alex finds a small sporting goods store. It's picked clean of loot. Thinking all is lost, Alex spots an old SUV in the back of the store. SUV's have crappy gas mileage and are just slow. They're also very durable, and they break down slowly! Just don't bother taking it off jumps. --------------------------------- * Tunes: Every Step of the Way * KAIJU: Great, from one van to another. GAL FIERI: This one's not even food themed! LANK: HYWAAA!♪ ALEX: Hey, it beats walking. At this point I'll take a blooming bicycle. Ugh, from one gas hog to the next. I don't really put much stock in the extra chassis strength of these things, mostly because that extra -4 gas per tick hurts a lot. You also get a random roll of 50-100 gas on finding cars, and finding only 50 gas but also getting a gas-hog is the worst. At least it jumps the party's morale back out of the pits.  --------------------------------- Always Be Looting While driving on the Death Road, the groip decides to make a stop for supplies: 1. Burning House 2. House Rescue 3. Malicious House 4. Reroll But Probably More House --------------------------------- KAIJU: So, one house has ghosts flying around it, the other's swarmed by zombies. and- GAL FIERI: The other is on FIRE. Now that is the Napalm Dot Net right there. ALEX: Wasn't it Bomb.com? GAL FIERI: Seriously, your amnesia must be getting worse. Whatever, we're going into the burning house.  --------------------------------- House in Flames! The group is surprised as a house down the road mysteriously catches on fire. Curiousity overwhelms their basic survival instincts. WARNING: CONTENTS MAY BE HOT! Your zombie forecast is: SWARM SIZE: Thick AGGRESSION: Irritated CURRENT TIME: Near Sunset --------------------------------- KAIJU: You, uh... don't expect us to go in there with you, do you? LANK: *looks down at tunic* KYAAUGH!♪ ALEX: I'll go in with her. I don't fancy fire, but I'm not scared. KAIJU: Suit your- KAIJU: SKRREEEEEAAAAA KAIJU: Whoops. GAL FIERI: Jammin'. Alright, let's do this.  Way back at the Last Arcade, Alex picked up Fireproof as a hidden trait from the exploding machine, which is great for this mission. I particularly wanted to show off the inferno map, but this'll do. Oh, and Gal's here too, but it's not like she'll be doing much.  First up, a quick heal up with the can of med spray we still had in the trunk. Better to use it now than waiting on heal-ups while driving. ALEX: I'm hoping this isn't flammable. GAL FIERI: I was hoping it was. Spraycan flamethrowers are awesome. ALEX: I really feel like you're leaning really hard into fire thing of late. GAL FIERI: What, a girl can't like fire? ALEX: I- GAL FIERI: Don't answer that. I blame being stuck in a group of weirdos. It's infectious.  GAL FIERI: ...I see you walking through it like nothing. I had my suspicions. ALEX: Huh? I just thought it was fake fire or something. GAL FIERI: That doesn't make any sense. ALEX: I'm not sure if anything that's happened in the last two weeks has. GAL FIERI: Listen, girl, you've got it too. You've been feeling really chilly since the arcade, right? ALEX: I thought that was just because we were getting closer to Canada... GAL FIERI: It's not like I've been wearing this winter stuff only as part of a joke. ALEX: I thought it was because you were a nutter-  ALEX: WHOA WHOA WHOA ALEX: Too many zombies!  ALEX: AGH  GAL FIERI: Why'd you bring only that dinky pistol anyways? ALEX: Ngh... trying to saving ammo. I guess there goes the last of that med spray. GAL FIERI: There's boxes of ammo in the car, more than enough to start a fireworks show. ALEX: It was a bad call, getting bit kinda already told me that. No need to rub it in. GAL FIERI: Of course you rub it in, that's why they call it "rub".  GAL FIERI: Not gonna complain about more seasoning though. ALEX: Ignoring the sudden topic change, don't we already have like, a dozen molotovs at this point? GAL FIERI: You can never have enough!  Burning Houses don't really have as much interesting stuff in them as other fire based encounters, but there's the occasional useful thing. One thing that is guaranteed however is...  --------------------------------- Everyone needs help sometimes Darlen sayst that she really wants to get out of this place. She asks if she can follow you around. ---------------------------------  DARLEN: I'm like, not much of a fan of sponsored combustion, y'all. ALEX: I think you mean "spontaneous". GAL FIERI: Hey, I used to do sponsored combustion, it's a real thing. DARLEN: Can you two, like, do sumthin'? ALEX: Sure, whatever. Let's go, mate.  --------------------------------- MISSION SUMMARY Found 5 food, total now 6. Found 76 gas, total now 144. Medical total: 2 Pistol ammo total: 106 Rifle ammo total: 175 70 zombies destroyed. --------------------------------- We killed like, maybe half of those at best. The majority of those were from the various static fires around the house. It's very possible to navigate this mission without a fireproof character, you just have to be careful you don't get struck by a stray ember from a zombie and you'll be fine. The goal for these is pretty much the rescue, but there's usually a room with some sort of weapon as well as a kitchen with some food. While the AI isn't bad at avoiding the fire, I still don't recommend bringing a big team into these.  --------------------------------- Rescue Successful! Darlen catches up with the group at a safe spot. She offers a reward in thanks for saving her! 1. Recruit Darlen to team 2. Tank of 80 gas 3. Stash of 10 medical --------------------------------- * Tunes: Stop and Smell The Flesh * KAIJU: Fooooooood... DARLEN: Yeh, I ain't got none of that. ALEX: Got any spare gas? DARLEN: Ain't gonna last long with that van ya got, but I'm guessin' that's why you need it. Here ya go! LANK: HWYAAA!♪ DARLEN: Yer welcome, I, uh, think?  --------------------------------- Passing Out Exhausted after an extra long drive, the group scouts out a camping spot and falls asleep immediately after. The group is low on food, and eats less. Lose 4 food! Gal Fieri's morale decreases to (2)Everyone else's morale decreases to almost (1)--------------------------------- KAIJU: It takes a lot of energy to move around in this thing, and I'm really just not getting that. LANK: kyyaAAAAAUGH... ALEX: Seriously, where's a random moose when you need one? GAL FIERI: I think they're all back in Florida. ALEX: Ughh... at least there's only two more days to go? KAIJU: If I don't eat the rest of you before then, that is. LANK: WAWAUGH?! ALEX: ...I think you've really been in that suit too long. KAIJU: It was a joke. GAL FIERI: Ssssssure it was. I believe you. KAIJU:  --------------------------------- Cool-it Diplomacy The group is blocked by another survivor group that set up a barricade to protect themselves. They are distrusting and heavily armed. The person they send to talk is EXTREMELY ANNOYING. Who should try to deal with him? 1. Kaiju 2. Alex 3. Pick someone else 4. Lank: Take a detour --------------------------------- LANK: *inspects map and compass* GAL FIERI: He looks like a major weirdo. Looks like you're up, weird girl. KAIJU: I assume that's me? ALEX: If anything, you can just do that scream thing. KAIJU: I would if I had any control- KAIJU: *sneeze* KAIJU: -over it. GAL FIERI: KAIJU: What, did you think I was going to- LANK: HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!♪ KAIJU: Oh, whoops. Sorry! Didn't mean to sneeze all over the map.  --------------------------------- THE PLOT THICKENS Kaiju talks to the annoying representative. She really gets along! They mostly exchange COOL IT quips with each other. For an hour. The group is let through. --------------------------------- GAL FIERI: I guess I was right about them being kindred weirdos. GAL FIERI: We probably should've used that map to take a detour though. It's not been worth it sitting here for an hour. ALEX: That map wouldn't have much use anyways, it's a cutout from the back of a cereal box. LANK: *hunched over, studying the map intently* ALEX: I don't think we're going on a trip to Colonel Crush's Berry Battlefield anytime soon. GAL FIERI: ...It does sound like it'd be kinda fun though.  KAIJU: I wonder how bad they have it on the west coast? GAL FIERI: Probably not much better. KAIJU: ...Hah, imagine if Oregon was the actual safe place, not Canada. GAL FIERI: Hey, don't joke about that. KAIJU: Yeah, would be best to not jinx it. GAL FIERI: Nah, I just don't want you to get us sued. KAIJU: Sued? What are you even on about? GAL FIERI: KAIJU: Psh, and you call me weird.  --------------------------------- Always Be Looting While driving on the Death Road, the groip decides to make a stop for supplies: 1. Busy Hotel 2. Quiet Farm 3. Mall Rescue 4. Explorer: Drive more- 35 gas --------------------------------- GAL FIERI: I'll be honest, something's up with that farm. It's too quiet. ALEX: It's already probably raided. Anyone feel like swimming through hordes of zombies in a mall? KAIJU: No. LANK: SI-YAAAGH!♪ GAL FIERI: Flavourville presently doesn't do shows at crowded malls. ALEX: We'll keep driving then, I guess.  --------------------------------- Always Be Looting While driving on the Death Road, the groip decides to make a stop for supplies: 1. Apartment Rescue 2. Hospital Raid 3. Swarmed Arcade 4. Ignore them --------------------------------- GAL FIERI: ...Can we have the other options back now? KAIJU: Yeah, that hotel is sounding real nice right about now. ALEX: No. We just burnt about a quarter of the tank on this. LANK: HWYAA!♪ Hup! *jumps out passenger side window*  --------------------------------- Apartment Rescue From a distance, the group spots someone fleeing from an angry horde. They disappear into an apartment building. Your zombie forecast is: SWARM SIZE: Thick AGGRESSION: Irritated CURRENT TIME: Near Noon --------------------------------- * Tunes: Horsemann Shuffle * LANK: SI-YAAAAGH!♪ ALEX: Well, I guess we're following him then. Yeah, I probably should have just taken the farm or something. I think I was really wanting to roll a rare event here, but alas. That 35 gas will be missed, although really none of the choices here were particularly big on food drops. The hotel might've had a lot, but I usually just don't go to hotels.  ALEX: Lots of rooms to check. There's got to be something to eat in here somewhere. KAIJU: Seems like a lot of zombies too. ALEX: For some reason, they hate the sound of guns more than Lank's yelling, so I'll hold off on gunning anything down for now.  The AI lost the metal boomerang somewhere, so I had Alex pick up a meat cleaver as a replacement. The AI usually prefers other items over these, which is a shame because these are quite good. They have a very small chance to break, sure but they are guaranteed to hit two zombies and are quite light on stamina. For some reason, the AI seems to think that the rusty machete is a better weapon than this, I'm assuming just because it has 0.5 more damage and a bit of knockback, despite having twice the chance to break, only 10% chance to penetrate, and being a lot slower to swing.  ALEX: You know, they seem to be getting pretty angry anyways. GAL FIERI: Maybe they were just really angry people when they were alive.  GAL FIERI: Another person to rescue? KAIJU: We've got to be some kind of heroes at this point.  --------------------------------- Everyone needs help sometimes Elsa says that she really wants to get out of this place. She asks if she can follow you around. ---------------------------------  ELSA: A group of probably deranged cosplayers? Sure, cool. Can you get me out of here, or is this just my waking nightmare come true? GAL FIERI: We didn't ask for your life story, kid. ALEX: Yeah, no time for talk, get your bum in gear. The zeds are getting really mad.  LANK: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! SI YAH KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!♪ ELSA: Holy heckaroni, it's like a blender of gore. ALEX: You don't fight your way up from Florida without getting good at this sort of thing. LANK:  ♪ELSA: How are you even- LANK: ♪ ELSA: Please stop making whatever that sound is. It's incredibly creepy. GAL FIERI: So I'm not the only one who recognizes that, finally. KAIJU: No, we all noticed, we just weren't trying to- LANK: ♪ELSA:  ALEX: Ugh, at least we're done with this. Barely anything in here, most of it was already nicked.  --------------------------------- MISSION SUMMARY Found 1 food, total now 3 Found 4 medical, total now 6 Total pistol ammo: 115 Total rifle ammo: 175 Total shotgun ammo: 108 66 zombies destroyed. --------------------------------- Blegh. Let's hope that the survivor rescue makes up for it.  --------------------------------- Rescue Successful! Elsa catches up with the group at a safe spot. She offers a reward in thanks for saving her! 1. Recruit Elsa to team 2. Group Mechanic Training 3. Group Fitness Training --------------------------------- * Tunes: Nobody Cooled It * ...Whatever, I'll take the fitness.  --------------------------------- RESULT The group gets all sorts of secret fitness tips from Elsa. The training ends, and Elsa departs. Gal Fieri's fitness increases to (4)Lank's fitness increases to (6)Alex's fitness increases to (4)Kaiju's fitness increases to (6)--------------------------------- LANK: Hyup hyah hyup hyah hyup hyah hyup hyah hyup hyah hyup hyah hyup hyah ALEX: I don't know. I don't really feel more fit. Maybe it's the lack of food. KAIJU: She's taken off down the highway at a full sprint, so she probably knows what she was talking about. GAL FIERI: No, that's just fear sparking adrenaline. ALEX: I assume you're familiar with eliciting this reaction? GAL FIERI: I don't know why people think napalm is scary. It's fun and funky- a great hobby to introduce your kids to. KAIJU: I'm just going to stop parsing anything that comes out of your mouth. ALEX: Bird, you're way behind on that game. The whole world's lost the plot at this point, no point in trying to understand anything.  ALEX: I doubt that Canada will be any better than here in that regard.  --------------------------------- Familiar Faces Whoa, it's Diedra! It's nice to see a familiar face! She is eating a candy bar. Those things still haven't gone bad. ---------------------------------  DIEDRA: You're not wrong. It's full of dinks. ALEX: Um, who are you? DIEDRA: 'Sup. DIEDRA: Also don't worry about it. *munch* ALEX: Uh, okay. DIEDRA: Also don't be surprised that I'm moving as fast as your van. This thing's slower than the Ratland elections. ALEX: Yeah, we kinda knew it was sl- KAIJU: -the what elections? DIEDRA: Don't worry about it. Find a better car. *stuffs wrapper into pocket* ALEX: All we can find are vans. DIEDRA: Well RIP you, I guess. Anyways, you seen a girl with blue hair around here? LANK: KYAAAAA!♪ DIEDRA: Gonna take that as a "no". A'ight, well, have fun in Dinksland. DIEDRA: *Walks dramatically into the distance* GAL FIERI: Well, she was cool. KAIJU: That's all you got from that?  And as we arrive at another cabin with a woodstove, the whole group hits rock bottom morale as we still can't find any danged food. Doubt festers, but hope still lingers! What will happen to our group of FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DEATH ROAD TO CANADA Left 4 Bread fucked around with this message at 17:32 on Jan 16, 2022 |
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Jan 15, 2022 23:03
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Least the Woodstove will pull up the morale. Plus it’s not as if it matters if Gal Fieri gets tired
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Jan 15, 2022 23:26
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Man that supply situation is pretty dire. How many days to Canada at this point?
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Jan 15, 2022 23:35
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Space Kablooey posted:Man that supply situation is pretty dire. How many days to Canada at this point? Just two days, but the last day is always the Last Trader Camp -> Cabin Siege -> Final Rest -> City of Lost Hope -> Canada Border sequence. Luckily, food isn't technically necessary to survive in this game, as hunger only reduces morale. Enough morale, and you can make it on nothing.
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Jan 16, 2022 00:49
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