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Instead of adults table and kids table let's go pureblood and vaxxed so we can keep the viral shedding over there on the other end of the house.
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Nov 22, 2021 21:37
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| # ? May 3, 2024 14:35 |
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*dresses up as a raw turkey and hides in the fridge so i get prepared instead as a prank. when it is time for the stuffing i do nothing to shed my disguise*
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Nov 22, 2021 21:38
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Hey, Aunt Carla, sorry to hear about the miscarriage! But I mean, it happens to a lot of women, so it's not really a big deal. What? What did I say that's wrong? Uncle Ed says she's been moping around the house every since it happened, I'm just telling her to get over it! There's a webcomic about this, actually, let me pull it up on my phone here.
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Nov 22, 2021 21:41
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Fluffy Bunnies posted:heh heh I'll give your mom a booster shot if you know what I mean HEH HEH. Gross, Uncle Jim! She's your sister!
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Nov 22, 2021 21:44
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Hey, did you see my shirt? Heh heh, it's a bit of a... oh, let's call it an inside joke about our current President. It's kind of clever, isn't it? Hey, go get the kids, I'm going to tell them about adrenochrome, they need to know this.
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Nov 22, 2021 21:47
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Big Beef City posted:*Complaining loudly about the NASCAR cup events of this season as the table is being set in the other room and how the whole points system is just damned hosed up* Ohhh. You been to my house for Thanksgiving I see.
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Nov 22, 2021 21:50
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*Pulls wishbone with dad* *He wins* *I disappear, erased from history*
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Nov 22, 2021 21:51
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I'm going to flip the turkey around halfway through.
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Nov 22, 2021 21:52
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EmmHmmmMmmMmm..eh, ehm mm. No, no AUNT Beth. That's rather...charming, that you continue to live by...society's rules. You see, ah, ah, *slurp* I've...decided to play...a different ROLE. Here. *slicks back hair with a switch blade comb* and I think I WILL mix my corn with the potatoes. Now...I'm sure you're all wondering, where is the PIE. Where is the PIE? Well...
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Nov 22, 2021 21:53
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*Gollum* I tried to explain the lord of the rings.
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Nov 22, 2021 21:54
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*owns a retail store and keeps it open all day Thanksgiving for super early bird black Friday deals.* *Puts entire staff on the schedule with strict no call-off policy*
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Nov 22, 2021 21:54
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bag em and tag em posted:*owns a retail store and keeps it open all day Thanksgiving for super early bird black Friday deals.* *Clocks in* COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH *gasping* No, I'm not going to wear a mask. I'm not a sheep.
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Nov 22, 2021 21:57
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*mandatory 10 AM phone call Thanksgiving day* "Congratulations, you're all laid off. Eaaaaaat shiiiiit and diiiiie *hangs up*"
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Nov 22, 2021 21:58
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I got laid off with my entire department the day before thanksgiving once. It was also my birthday
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Nov 22, 2021 21:59
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXHsWBKKNbI
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Nov 22, 2021 22:01
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*picks up TV remote* *turns on Scientology channel*
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Nov 22, 2021 22:02
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A Fancy Hat posted:Hey, Aunt Carla, sorry to hear about the miscarriage! But I mean, it happens to a lot of women, so it's not really a big deal.
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Nov 22, 2021 22:05
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So, Kyle Rittenhouse, what a story!
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Nov 22, 2021 22:07
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*accidentally shows up on day of canadian thanksgiving*
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Nov 22, 2021 22:08
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Oh, that's not turkey gravy.
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Nov 22, 2021 22:11
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*removes and discards turkey skin*
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Nov 22, 2021 22:14
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Thanks for coming over everybody! As you know, Denise and I are doing No-Drink-November. Please grab yourself a fauxjito by the sink and sit on down!
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Nov 22, 2021 22:16
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Look this turkey cost $70 thanks to JOE BIDEN so I’m gonna need to have each of you Venmo me $7 ok?
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Nov 22, 2021 22:18
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*shits myself* THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE THESE THINGS I'LL BE UNTIL I DIE
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Nov 22, 2021 22:19
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Thanks for coming over, everybody! As you know, I’m doing No-Nut November this year, not because I want to, but because Denise is a frigid bitch who won’t even give her husband a dry handjob but whatever. Anyway have some loving turkey I guess. I’ll just make myself another martini, since I have to do everything else myself around here.
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Nov 22, 2021 22:25
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(inner monologue) I wonder if denise would give me a handjob
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Nov 22, 2021 22:26
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(Inner monologue) Dennis seems awfully pent up. I'd better give him a handjob or else Thanksgiving is in trouble! 'Hey uncle Dennis,'
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Nov 22, 2021 22:29
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This was one of my favorite posts ever mode on these forums, from "it's thanksgiving dinner and your uncle says 'i'm a tea partier.' what do you do?" around 2010: quote:i spin the propeller on my beanie and slowly lift off my chair. i hook my feet under uncle's armpits and fly him to a nearby bog where i deposit him, never to disturb our dinners again.
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Nov 22, 2021 22:33
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*Stands up, clears throat* *I ting my champagne flute* *Everyone looks at me expectedly* "I'd like to propose a toast, let me start off by saying, Really don't mind if you sit this one out. My words but a whisper - your deafness a SHOUT. I may make you feel but I can't make you think. Your sperm's in the gutter - your love's in the sink. So you ride yourselves over the fields and you make all your animal deals and your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick. And the sand-castle virtues are all swept away in the tidal destruction the moral melee. The elastic retreat rings the close of play as the last wave uncovers the newfangled way. But your new shoes are worn at the heels and your suntan does rapidly peel and your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick. And the love that I feel is so far away: I'm a bad dream that I just had today - and you shake your head and say it's a shame Spin me back down the years and the days of my youth. Draw the lace and black curtains and shut out the whole truth. Spin me down the long ages: let them sing the song. See there! A son is born - and we pronounce him fit to fight. There are black-heads on his shoulders, and he pees himself in the night. We'll make a man of him put him to trade teach him to play Monopoly and to sing in the rain. The Poet and the painter casting shadows on the water as the sun plays on the infantry returning from the sea. The do-er and the thinker: no allowance for the other as the failing light illuminates the mercenary's creed. The home fire burning: the kettle almost boiling but the master of the house is far away. The horses stamping - their warm breath clouding in the sharp and frosty morning of the day. And the poet lifts his pen while the soldier sheaths his sword. And the youngest of the family is moving with authority. Building castles by the sea, he dares the tardy tide to wash them all aside. The cattle quietly grazing at the grass down by the river where the swelling mountain water moves onward to the sea: the builder of the castles renews the age-old purpose and contemplates the milking girl whose offer is his need. The young men of the household have all gone into service and are not to be expected for a year. The innocent young master - thoughts moving ever faster has formed the plan to change the man he seems. And the poet sheaths his pen while the soldier lifts his sword. And the oldest of the family is moving with authority. Coming from across the sea, he challenges the son who puts him to the run. What do you do when the old man's gone - do you want to be him? And your real self sings the song. Do you want to free him? No one to help you get up steam and the whirlpool turns you `way off-beam. I've come down from the upper class to mend your rotten ways. My father was a man-of-power whom everyone obeyed. So come on all you criminals! I've got to put you straight just like I did with my old man twenty years too late. Your bread and water's going cold. Your hair is too short and neat. I'll judge you all and make drat sure that no-one judges me. You curl your toes in fun as you smile at everyone - you meet the stares. You're unaware that your doings aren't done. And you laugh most ruthlessly as you tell us what not to be. But how are we supposed to see where we should run? I see you shuffle in the courtroom with your rings upon your fingers and your downy little sidies and your silver-buckle shoes. Playing at the hard case, you follow the example of the comic-paper idol who lets you bend the rules. So! Come on ye childhood heroes! Won't you rise up from the pages of your comic-books your super crooks and show us all the way. Well! Make your will and testament. Won't you? Join your local government. We'll have Superman for president let Robin save the day. You put your bet on number one and it comes up every time. The other kids have all backed down and they put you first in line. And so you finally ask yourself just how big you are and take your place in a wiser world of bigger motor cars. And you wonder who to call on. So! Where the hell was Biggles when you needed him last Saturday? And where were all the sportsmen who always pulled you though? They're all resting down in Cornwall writing up their memoirs for a paper-back edition of the Boy Scout Manual. See there! A man born - and we pronounce him fit for peace. There's a load lifted from his shoulders with the discovery of his disease. We'll take the child from him put it to the test teach it to be a wise man how to fool the rest. We will be geared to the average rather than the exceptional God is an overwhelming responsibility we walked through the maternity ward and saw 218 babies wearing nylons cats are on the upgrade upgrade? Hipgrave. Oh, Mac. In the clear white circles of morning wonder, I take my place with the lord of the hills. And the blue-eyed soldiers stand slightly discoloured (in neat little rows) sporting canvas frills. With their jock-straps pinching, they slouch to attention, while queueing for sarnies at the office canteen. Saying -- how's your granny and good old Ernie: he coughed up a tenner on a premium bond win. The legends (worded in the ancient tribal hymn) lie cradled in the seagull's call. And all the promises they made are ground beneath the sadist's fall. The poet and the wise man stand behind the gun, and signal for the crack of dawn. Light the sun. Do you believe in the day? Do you? Believe in the day! The Dawn Creation of the Kings has begun. Soft Venus (lonely maiden) brings the ageless one. Do you believe in the day? The fading hero has returned to the night - and fully pregnant with the day, wise men endorse the poet's sight. Do you believe in the day? Do you? Believe in the day! Let me tell you the tales of your life of your love and the cut of the knife the tireless oppression the wisdom instilled the desire to kill or be killed. Let me sing of the losers who lie in the street as the last bus goes by. The pavements ar empty: the gutters run red - while the fool toasts his god in the sky. So come all ye young men who are building castles! Kindly state the time of the year and join your voices in a hellish chorus. Mark the precise nature of your fear. Let me help you pick up your dead as the sins of the father are fed with the blood of the fools and the thoughts of the wise and from the pan under your bed. Let me make you a present of song as the wise man breaks wind and is gone while the fool with the hour-glass is cooking his goose and the nursery rhyme winds along. So! Come all ye young men who are building castles! Kindly state the time of the year and join your voices in a hellish chorus. Mark the precise nature of your fear. See! The summer lightning casts its bolts upon you and the hour of judgement draweth near. Would you be the fool stood in his suit of armour or the wiser man who rushes clear. So! Come on ye childhood heroes! Won't your rise up from the pages of your comic-books your super-crooks and show us all the way. Well! Make your will and testament. Won't you? Join your local government. We'll have Superman for president let Robin save the day. So! Where the hell was Biggles when you needed him last Saturday? And where were all the sportsmen who always pulled you through? They're all resting down in Cornwall - writing up their memoirs for a paper-back edition of the Boy Scout Manual. So you ride yourselves over the fields and you make all your animal deals and your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick. Thanks for coming to my Thanksgiving!!!"
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Nov 22, 2021 22:34
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Songbearer posted:(Inner monologue) Dennis seems awfully pent up. I'd better give him a handjob or else Thanksgiving is in trouble! Lmao
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Nov 22, 2021 22:35
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numberoneposter posted:hmmmm welp i better do my part What, I told you I was bringing Turkey. It's really your fault for not asking for clarification.
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Nov 22, 2021 22:36
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I decided to change things up. This year, we're having unseasoned tofurkey, raw Brussels sprouts , and flat seltzer water. The good news is everyone gets their own can of pumpkin puree for dessert.
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Nov 22, 2021 22:38
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*eats a whole pack of edibles on the drive over, falls asleep on the couch before lunch, wakes up to my cousin mean-mugging me for not “spending time and making memories” with his annoying kids*
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Nov 22, 2021 22:39
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Build Back Butterball
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Nov 22, 2021 22:40
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*whips out acoustic guitar* ...anyway now here's Butterball
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Nov 22, 2021 22:44
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*caressing turkey, and you think you see a finger slip in* Hey again, baby. Fluffy Bunnies posted:*spends 3 days locating rabbits, brings them home, slaughters them, butchers them, cooks them, spends 7 and a half hours in the kitchen* He's not wrong.
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Nov 22, 2021 22:50
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After dinner, I cheat at dominos.
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Nov 22, 2021 23:18
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Did you guys know Joseph Smith was a conman and he made the whole thing up? *my wife's family is mostly mormon*
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Nov 22, 2021 23:42
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Castor Poe posted:Did you guys know Joseph Smith was a conman and he made the whole thing up? They all know, they’re cool with it though.
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Nov 22, 2021 23:44
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| # ? May 3, 2024 14:35 |
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“Who wants to play monopoly? You know, it’s more fun when we make landing on ‘free parking’ result in you getting all the money that had to be paid over to the bank since the last time one someone landed on it. I get to be the race car”
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Nov 22, 2021 23:46
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