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Ahhhh Home for the holidays..... Got the heated blanket on lock as we'll.... heyyy. wait a tick... Where's my heated blanket? Mom calling: hELLLOOO happy holidays, I WASHED YOUR BLANKET FAIL! it can't get wet probably!
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Dec 17, 2021 23:37
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| # ? May 3, 2024 05:34 |
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Jumps off the reindeer to make it to the next platform
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Dec 18, 2021 00:10
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IywiodrtyfM
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Dec 18, 2021 01:19
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epic random user posted:Ahhhh Home for the holidays..... Got the heated blanket on lock as we'll.... heyyy. wait a tick... Where's my heated blanket? Nah, you can wash electric blankets. I bought one for my wife last Christmas and the dog claimed it soon after. We've run it through the laundry like five times since. I mean... Did you order this off Wayfair? Did you know this has kids in it?! You sick gently caress, to think I called you brother all these years!
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Dec 18, 2021 02:22
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mom and dad fight a lot posted:I should have guessed that these inspired posts were informed by experience. This is something we have long suspected about all of AFH's posts.
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Dec 19, 2021 02:45
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Hey Dad I learned about a new father son bonding technique, its called "Mutual Masturbation" I'll start.
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Dec 19, 2021 03:22
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Wait, this is VERY important. Which brownies did you serve? Jesus, Mom, the name of the brand is "Magic Morsels" and the logo is a little sleeping elf. And why would you look in my car for more brownies? Holy poo poo. Well, Grandma probably has some kind of tolerance, at least. God knows the doctors have her on every loving painkiller under the sun. But, uh... you may want to take Jean's kids to the hospital. I think Petey had 3 or 4 of these things, he's gonna have a wild time.
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Dec 20, 2021 16:56
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I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to click on this thread and see ol’ queen Trump’s picture immediately pop up. I mean all these posts are great but AFH, you’re just something special.
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Dec 21, 2021 03:51
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Wait where's tom.poo poo. he hasn't stopped drinking since we arrived. TOM? TOM? WHERE ARE YOU BUDDY??? Ah for gently caress sake mike did you lock the garage like I told you? poo poo, poo poo, poo poo. quick we nee... Ah yep that's a tom scream. Mary call an ambulance. Jake could you get some ice and a container, lets go see what the idiot manage to chop off this year... dr_rat fucked around with this message at 06:03 on Dec 21, 2021 |
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Dec 21, 2021 06:00
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I don't know if you noticed, but one of your tree's Christmas bulbs is burnt out! Here, let me just.... uh oh. Well, haha, now two are burnt out. Don't worry! I know how to do this, I worked for 27 years as an electrician, it'd be pretty disappointing if I couldn't change a darn Christmas tree.... Ok, so now the whole strand is out. That's fine, now we know where the problem is! Let's see.... what happens when I put this bulb.... okay. Okay so that takes out the whole thing. Perfect, now I know not to do that. What do you mean the kitchen lights just went off? Hold on. gently caress. Sorry! Didn't mean to swear. It's just... okay, what did that do? NOTHING? gently caress. gently caress gently caress fuckity gently caress. Sorry, again. It's just.... okay, what about now? Now the furnace is off?! What? Okay, can one of you kids run downstairs and open the circuit breaker for Grandpa? This house is all kinds of screwed up, your mom and dad got taken for a ride here, I think.
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Dec 21, 2021 13:07
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Listen up you LITTLE poo poo, you think all of those presents belong to you? You think you can run around here, playing with everything? It's time you learn a little something called sharing, okay buddy? Hey! Hey! I just caught Sheila's kid trying to play with my Lego Star Wars Baby Yoda. You kidding me with this, Sheila? Get your crotch spawn under control right now, he's already damaged the box. What? I don't give a poo poo if he is 8 months old, he's got to learn not to touch MY THINGS!!!
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Dec 21, 2021 18:02
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Okay, I don't want to guilt trip you or anything, but there's a reason nobody's parking in the garage. That whole thing, top to bottom? It's all Herbalife stuff. Your mother and I got scammed, BIG TIME, and we're going to lose the house. More than that, my entire 401(k) is in that garage, in the form of little nutritional shakes. Your aunt Kim, god, she's the one that got us onto this. She tells your mother 'oh it's great, you can make some extra cash!' and before you know it, we're $30k in the hole. Then it just gets worse and worse. Before you know it, you're selling your TV just to calm down a woman named Kayleigh who says she needs her money in 24 hours. Again, I am not here to guilt trip you. But your mother drives 3 hours every night to try and hock this stuff door to door. Every church, every old biddy she sees at the grocery store, anyone. And it JUST. KEEPS. COMING. We'll never dig out, okay? We are deep in this. I own a storage locker now. 61 years old and I got a storage locker for the first time just to store this stuff. I don't want to put any pressure on your here, but your mother and I are going to kill ourselves, and soon, if this keeps going. It's the only way out, because it turns out these people WILL hunt you down no matter where you go. Your mother falls asleep CRYING every night, absolutely terrified that she and I will never be able to retire and that you'll be throwing our dead bodies in a landfill. So how much can I put you down for?
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Dec 21, 2021 19:10
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A Fancy Hat posted:Okay, I don't want to guilt trip you or anything, but there's a reason nobody's parking in the garage. That whole thing, top to bottom? It's all Herbalife stuff. Your mother and I got scammed, BIG TIME, and we're going to lose the house. Mom, Dad. Look I know this might be a little insensitive but do you have life insurance? Anyway, I've got this thing called a power of attorney form for you to sign. It means I can take care of a lot of paperwork for you so you can focus on the Herbalife stuff.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:22
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*news comes on the radio about mentally deranged killer saint clause impersonator who escaped from asylum for the mentally insane located at the end of the street* *lights go out* Ah fuse must of blown again, Clare can you check on the fuse box in the basement, Kate can you go to attic and find some candles. Oh Tim I think there might be a battery powered lantern in the shed out back. Anyways kids while they're out getting that sorted, why don't we have a quick wander down to the street to have a look the Nativity scene outside the Church. No Mary it is not creepy. Everyone else loves it. Just once could you please just stop trying to ruin Christmas, for everyone. Look we all understand because your parents mysteriously disappeared on Christmas day, much like this one, exactly ten years ago today to the day, this may not be the easiest time for you, but could you just please try to cheer up. NO that thud from the basement wasn't anything Mary. Clare's bumping her head down there all the time, can you just put your shoes and coat on so we can all go already my two bratty kids were ready minutes ago!!!
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Dec 21, 2021 23:42
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The cruel thing would be letting them live.
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Dec 22, 2021 05:13
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But I put breathing holes in it! Oh in the box? Oh..oooh. Sorry honey, daddy will get you a new kitten.
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Dec 22, 2021 07:03
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“I found this ASMR video of Drew Carey eating yogurt while looking for Yule log footage so I’m just going to pop that on instead.”
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Dec 22, 2021 09:44
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Lorthdon posted:“I found this ASMR video of Drew Carey eating yogurt while looking for Yule log footage so I’m just going to pop that on instead.” Ah come on, you're not even going to link? FFS
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Dec 22, 2021 12:46
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Who touched my Funko Pops? Haha, no seriously, who did it? This isn't a joke. Someone went into my Funko room and touched my pops. I can tell because they aren't in place. So I ask you, for the third time, who touched my Funko Pops? Oh, lah-dee-dah, there's a shock. Grandma Betty, can't keep her liver-spotted old hands to herself. These aren't your little lovely Precious Moments figures, you old cow. These are collectible pop culture memorabilia. My Target Exclusive Neon Thor with Mjolnir? It's worth more than you are. My glow in the dark Silver Surfer San Diego Comic Con t-shirt variant? I could buy and sell you with the profits from that. And yet you go into my room, you touch my things, and you act like there won't be repercussions? You old bitch, you just hosed up for the last time.
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Dec 23, 2021 17:44
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i forget to put on the outside lights so the children are disappointed, they don't get to look at the lovely illuminations and go "wow gee!!!!!!!!!  " like that
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Dec 23, 2021 17:47
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF8JKiOYd9A
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Dec 23, 2021 17:48
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*gets blackout drunk on christmas eve and sleeps through till boxing day*
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Dec 23, 2021 17:52
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Ok I'm sick of this poo poo. You are all going to start referring to her as JENNY not "THE DOLL" or "THE TOY" or whatever. If you don't start showing her respect then her and I are going to leave and were never joining another family function again. No David it's not a "different one from last year" you son of a bitch. She dyed her hair a different color.
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Dec 23, 2021 17:59
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Full Metal Jackass posted:Ok I'm sick of this poo poo. You are all going to start referring to her as JENNY not "THE DOLL" or "THE TOY" or whatever. If you don't start showing her respect then her and I are going to leave and were never joining another family function again. Later walks in on Jenny and David in the throes of a good old fashioned face loving. David tries to scream in shock, but his mouth is full.
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Dec 23, 2021 18:11
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It's my manly scent, ma, not a stench. If I shower or wash my clothes after the gym it washes off all the pheromones released in the sweat, and the salt is good for your skin, we all evolved from sea creatures. It's like you don't want me to find a female.
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Dec 23, 2021 18:14
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Heh heh, open your present, Tom! Go ahead. *glitter sprays everywhere while an airhorn goes off and a foul odor is sprayed into the air* Hahahaha! It's like that youtube video, you know, where he does this! Except I just did it to you! *glitter continues to spray everywhere, some of the little kids are crying because of how loud the airhorn is* This is great! Oh man, the look on your face! Wait til this hits youtube, I'll finally be able to monetize my channel!
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Dec 23, 2021 18:15
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Constantly refers to all women as "females".
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Dec 23, 2021 19:33
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Has a meltdown because daughter in law is insulting the house by cooking the turkey from frozen like some kind of savage barbarian. Has another meltdown when everyone loves the barbarian's amazing turkey. Never, ever lets go of this direct and personal insult.
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Dec 23, 2021 20:43
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Tries to fry a turkey like his cousin did on Thanksgiving. Burns the house down.
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Dec 23, 2021 21:35
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*Is a veterinary student* *Unceremoniously and without asking, expresses the family dog's anal glands in the middle of the living room while people are opening presents.*
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Dec 23, 2021 21:47
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*Unceremoniously and without asking, expresses own anal glands in the middle of the living room while people are opening presents.*
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Dec 23, 2021 21:54
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All the kids of divorced family who are going to their dad's house Christmas night: lol here are two Super Nintendos each, one each from their mom's and their grandparents, whoops our bad lol. The two cousins invited to the Christmas gathering who have begged their parents for a Super Nintendo to share for Christmas all fall: here's a picture of a rabbit now gently caress off. That ruined the gently caress out that years Christmas for definite.
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Dec 23, 2021 22:13
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Wakes up on Dec 25th. Christmas is ruined.
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Dec 23, 2021 22:17
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*discovers new Logs4J vuln*
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Dec 23, 2021 22:17
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Bonzo posted:*discovers new Logs4J vuln* Mods??????
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Dec 24, 2021 00:36
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You guys are gonna love this, the IT guy at work showed me how to "cast" my cell phone to the TV. I can share all these great photos from my Facebook now! *accidentally shows open tab from xhamster.com with 'PAWG oil massage juicy rear end milf' in the search bar* Oh god turn the TV off turn it off turn it off!!!
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Dec 24, 2021 14:52
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“It’s crazy how many people nowadays think that the Civil War was about slavery, when really it was just about states’ rights!”
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Dec 24, 2021 15:53
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a peck of pickled peckers posted:“It’s crazy how many people nowadays think that the Civil War was about slavery, when really it was just about states’ rights!” This is baby territory. Lacks my step grandad's literal museum with display cases of "civil war and world war 2 memoriabillia" to go with it.
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Dec 24, 2021 17:01
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This year I'm buying everyone Reddit gold.
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Dec 24, 2021 17:40
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| # ? May 3, 2024 05:34 |
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*angry whispering* I wasn’t looking at your sister! I wasn’t! I would tell you if I was! I was just starring off in space while your family talked about food, again. Why don’t they ever talk about exercise?!
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Dec 24, 2021 22:55
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