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Big Beef City posted:Heh. Time to sage smudge the household and talk incessantly about the coven of empowered witches im a member of yes they're all white why do u ask
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Nov 28, 2021 14:57
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| # ? May 3, 2024 08:01 |
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“Santa’s sleigh was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors.” *children start bawling*
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Nov 28, 2021 15:04
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*drunkenly pulls pants down at dinner* MORE LIKE JOLLY OL SAINT DICK
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Nov 28, 2021 15:07
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Wow lets see what sins Dyslexic Satan Clause brought for us this year kids.
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Nov 28, 2021 15:08
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It’s day 1 and I’m already ready to tell the 9 year old that the Elf on the Shelf is a bunch of horseshit and that she’s a gullible gently caress.
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Nov 28, 2021 15:16
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True story: I told my 6 year old neice that there is no god and no Santa. She responded "youre lying, there is a Santa!". I decided to give up, at least I got one truth bomb through her that day
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Nov 28, 2021 15:20
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Szyznyk posted:It’s day 1 and I’m already ready to tell the 9 year old that the Elf on the Shelf is a bunch of horseshit and that she’s a gullible gently caress. Nail him to the wall as a snitch.
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Nov 28, 2021 15:40
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Look what I got you: You wind this lever on this box and... yes it's a jack-in-the-box, but look closer. It... that's right, it jacks off 
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Nov 28, 2021 15:43
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kids, santa and i aren't on speaking terms *looks off to the side, embarrassed but vaguely longing*. we're getting a different gift-saint this year- oh, and you don't have to worry about that "naughty-or-nice" list. this guy only works with hit lists. just be yourselves.
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Nov 28, 2021 15:48
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Cool Uncle Smugworth got the kids a drum set!
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Nov 28, 2021 19:18
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Hey kids, your mother and I are getting divorced because we’re both super, super gay. We couldn’t afford any presents for you this year because of our expensive divorce. Also, we’re in a custody battle; we’re each trying to force custody of you guys on each other. We couldn’t agree on who got the dog so we had him euthanized. Merry loving Christmas you assholes!
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Nov 28, 2021 19:23
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I'm happy to see you all, it's been so long and I've missed you guys a lot. I also care about your health so I wanted to share with you some products from Herbalife I've been taking. If I can get everyone's attention please.
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Nov 28, 2021 19:25
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Sorry kids, couldn't get a christmas ham this year but I managed to snatch this pig's oversized balls. Also the yule log will once again be the toilet kind.
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Nov 28, 2021 19:29
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*buys better gift for nephew than the parents did*
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Nov 28, 2021 19:31
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I come back from a long... "sabbatical."
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Nov 28, 2021 19:36
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*Uses dad's prize bottle of 60 year old to make brandy butter*
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Nov 28, 2021 19:37
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I ruin christmas for myself by being too depressed to celebrate with my family, LMAO!
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Nov 28, 2021 19:39
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goatface posted:*Uses dad's prize bottle of 60 year old to make brandy butter* If the rear end in a top hat wasn’t ever gonna drink it it ain’t no crime.
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Nov 28, 2021 19:39
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tractor man posted:I ruin christmas for myself by being too depressed to celebrate with my family, LMAO! Yeah this has happened to me twice. Only the second time did my family tell me I ruined Christmas, though.
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Nov 28, 2021 19:40
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*Pornhub on my phone pairs with the Bluetooth speaker in the living room playing christmas music while everyone's opening presents.*
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Nov 28, 2021 19:41
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goatface posted:*Uses dad's prize bottle of 60 year old to make brandy butter* Lol
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Nov 28, 2021 19:49
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*sneaks into kitchen and pisses in the mulled wine*
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Nov 28, 2021 19:52
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We're bringing the Christ back into Christmas this year.
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Nov 28, 2021 19:57
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Heh. All of this CHRIST mas stuff we're doing? Yeah. Most of it's actually ABOUT JESUS. I bet you didn't even KNOW that KIDS
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Nov 28, 2021 19:59
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All these cookies are making me thirsty
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Nov 28, 2021 20:02
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*Makes everyone watch the Browns on Christmas day*
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Nov 28, 2021 20:04
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Well, if you don't want it, I'll take it.
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Nov 28, 2021 20:10
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Colonel Cancer posted:All these cookies are making me thirsty I've been trying to cut down on sugar so I made all the cookies this year with sugar substitute. I hope nobody minds.
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Nov 28, 2021 20:13
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Full Metal Jackass posted:I've been trying to cut down on sugar so I made all the cookies this year with sugar substitute. I hope nobody minds. Stevia owns for this btw, just don't over-add it.
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Nov 28, 2021 20:17
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Colonel Cancer posted:Stevia owns for this btw, just don't over-add it. Lol no It tastes like loving poison. I may be unusually sensitive to it but it tastes like formalin smells. I’d rather a recipe be made with salt replacing sugar over stevia.
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Nov 28, 2021 20:20
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The night is dark and cold, but the house is warm and cozy. The kids finally fall asleep. The cookies and milk are left out for "Santa," and I'm bathed in the glow of Christmas tree lights. My whore cheating wife is out, and I don't even care enough to ask when she's coming home. I crack open my 8th PBR and lean back into the recliner.
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Nov 28, 2021 20:24
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We recognize that not everyone is Christian so this year my caroling group are branching out. You guys like GWAR, right?
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Nov 28, 2021 20:28
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Say, this maltitol stuff tastes pretty good. I’ll swap it out for the sugar
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Nov 28, 2021 20:29
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Mooey Cow posted:*sneaks into kitchen and pisses in the mulled wine* Sorry, but no one would know the difference
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Nov 28, 2021 20:31
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I wonder how many have to unwrap their present before they realize I got everyone a dragon dildo
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Nov 28, 2021 20:38
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"I tried them all and they feel AMAZING"
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Nov 28, 2021 20:39
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Goes around circling the word Christ in all the Christmas decorations
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Nov 28, 2021 20:58
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Sorry, but if you didn't want me to masturbate in the front room you shouldn't have put shrek on
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Nov 28, 2021 21:02
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Nigmaetcetera posted:Lol no Get your nose fixed my goon
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Nov 28, 2021 21:20
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| # ? May 3, 2024 08:01 |
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Allright guys, the food is ready!
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Nov 28, 2021 21:23
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