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I got you all patreon subscriptions to an epic leftist podcast that has brought me a lot of joy during these difficult covid times
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Nov 28, 2021 21:49
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We regret to inform you that Santa Claus is a racist.
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Nov 28, 2021 21:54
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I brought all these Santa and his helpers figurines in Europe and I'm damned if I'm not displaying the whole set.
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Nov 28, 2021 21:56
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I'm the uncle who has to be bailed out of jail because I got all drunk and screamed "IT'S loving CHRISTMAS" at the first person to say "Happy Holidays" to me. Then I stabbed them in the eye with the gold crucifix I wear around my neck.
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Nov 28, 2021 22:02
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Speaking of ho ho ho, are your sisters and mother coming over for dinner tonight? *takes another sip of scotch I've been working on since 10am*
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Nov 28, 2021 22:04
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^^ lolCosmic Thing posted:We recognize that not everyone is Christian so this year my caroling group are branching out. You guys like GWAR, right? I don't think you understood the thread title.
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Nov 28, 2021 22:20
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This year I decided to give everyone the gift of FOLDED STEEL. Katanas for everyone!
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Nov 28, 2021 22:21
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Is that full fat cream? I forgot my lactase pills, but I'm sure it won't hurt.
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Nov 28, 2021 22:27
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Hey everyone, I've decided that we're going to have an international Christmas experience this year. We'll be calling Santa Claus Saint Nicholas, and he brought along a couple of friends: Krampus and Zwarte Piet! I'm gonna go put on the makeup for Zwarte Piet right now!
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Nov 28, 2021 22:27
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Grandma poo poo herself again and I'm not dealing with it.
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Nov 28, 2021 22:31
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Cosmic Thing posted:I spend the entire holiday talking about how soy is bad for you. All the better! ChunTheUnavoidable posted:Say, this maltitol stuff tastes pretty good. I’ll swap it out for the sugar Oh that's evil! And Stevia is horrible no matter how much is used. For my non-sugar sweetened things sucralose isn't that bad. But all I really use it for is iced tea. I don't really bake unless it's like that premade Pillsbury cookie doughs. Not really sure that counts as baking.
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Nov 28, 2021 22:51
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 I'm the rear end in a top hat who gave everyone nothing but cigarettes for Christmas.
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Nov 28, 2021 22:58
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Lazyfire posted:This year I decided to give everyone the gift of FOLDED STEEL. Katanas for everyone! Do you know what ruin means? A full family with mall ninja powers will save Christmas
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Nov 28, 2021 23:00
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I hope you all like the smell of clove & menthol vape juice, because it's all I bought and I ain't going outdoors in this weather.
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Nov 28, 2021 23:00
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I'm allergic to pine. I hope it's not too much trouble to ask you guys to take the Christmas tree outside before I come in?
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Nov 28, 2021 23:03
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Yaldabaoth posted:
Same but I somehow got the order wrong and everyone's getting a big couch
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Nov 28, 2021 23:04
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Full Metal Jackass posted:I'm allergic to pine. I hope it's not too much trouble to ask you guys to take the Christmas tree outside before I come in? Oh and I brought the dogs. Couldn't find anyone to sit for them.
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Nov 28, 2021 23:04
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Kids, I don't know how to say this, but... *sigh* There won't be a Christmas this year. Every cent I had was tied up in the Trump Store and cancel culture got to the store this week.
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Nov 28, 2021 23:10
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So this internet forum I post on is helping to fund the dream of an Alabamian hot dog entrepreneur...
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Nov 28, 2021 23:21
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I know the cameras take up space on the table, but these people paid good money for the close up livestream of my mouth as I eat dinner.
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Nov 28, 2021 23:30
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Kids, your mom and I are getting a divorce. Also, Santa ain't real, you stupid little morons.
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Nov 28, 2021 23:36
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Cousin Eddie kidnapped my boss, now my entire family is in prison on felony charges.
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Nov 28, 2021 23:39
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I got Santa pregnant
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Nov 28, 2021 23:43
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For today's Christmas celebration, I've decided to do things a little differently. Each of you have deeply offended me over the years, and I have decided to exact my revenge. Did you like the egg nog? The mulled cider? The water? I've laced each with a deadly toxin that will cause you to hallucinate as you slowly die over the next few hours. The first symptom is paralysis, and I think Aunt Mable is demonstrating that at this moment. You really thought you could get away with always buying me socks and rawhide leather wallets for Christmas while I spent dozens of dollars for you on Hallmark ornaments? Oh, ho, ho, no. And now I leave you to die, slowly slipping from this world into the next with the music of Rebecca Black's Friday sending you off on your journey...
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Nov 29, 2021 00:15
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I got everyone matching elf pajamas and were gonna make some family tik toks.
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Nov 29, 2021 02:23
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Tonight's the night I say something about your sister's mustache. *takes a sip of scotch*
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Nov 29, 2021 02:36
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Drunkenly asks sister-in-law every five minutes if she’s “found the pickle” on the tree yet.
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Nov 29, 2021 02:38
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Oh, come on, Sheila! Your kid knows that Dan isn't his father! Just look at them!
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Nov 29, 2021 02:47
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McClain kills Gruber
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Nov 29, 2021 02:50
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Drunkenly explaining the internet popularity and in-jokes behind the Gonk Droid to my aunt and her female friend. I fall into the fire and keep telling everyone I'm fine despite the obvious 2nd degree burns.
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Nov 29, 2021 02:58
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i have kidnapped santa claus and will not release him until i get ONE MILLION DOLLARS
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Nov 29, 2021 02:59
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So here is a list of the Warhammer tabletop figurines I'd like you to buy me. Please do not buy me Warmachine tabletop figures. They are not the same.
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Nov 29, 2021 03:01
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I open carry my glock throughout the entire night's festivities at your house.
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Nov 29, 2021 03:06
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I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to be running my camming gig during our Christmas celebration. When you are #43 on the Top Anal Insertion List, you can't afford to take a break. Mind if I borrow your kid's baseball trophy?
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Nov 29, 2021 03:09
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C'mon Cindy smile. Smile for the photo. SMILE Cindy. SMILE YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH
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Nov 29, 2021 03:23
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Saint Nicholas was born in modern day Turkey and of Middle-Eastern decent. So not only is Santa far from white, but...
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Nov 29, 2021 03:26
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mom and dad fight a lot posted:Saint Nicholas was born in modern day Turkey and of Middle-Eastern decent. So not only is Santa far from white, but... He looked like Uncle Stavros from Souvlaki City.
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Nov 29, 2021 03:38
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I'm the uncle who's a neckbeard incel in his 30s who demands his female relatives sleep with him. When the rest of the family kick me out of the house, I get my revenge by driving my piece of poo poo car into their living room.
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Nov 29, 2021 03:42
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*claims to care about the planet* *doesn't buy a plastic tree because it's a needless use of plastic and giving money to a big corporation* *cuts down a live tree then throws it away after a month*
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Nov 29, 2021 03:55
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| # ? May 3, 2024 06:15 |
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I ruined Christmas by coming out to my parents as straight.
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Nov 29, 2021 03:56
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