How Wonderful! posted:

Rumor has it the YOB boys are hazing each other again... they're making each other put their balls in one of those marbled plastic drinking glasses, you know, like the pizzeria in your home town from when you were a kid? You remember the one? The fake Tiffany light fixtures, Simpsons arcade booth in the back, always a couple delivery guys with slicked back hair hanging out by the counter, looking as cool as could be? You remember your parents vaguely knew the owner from church, his name was Sam but the place was called Sal's, and he looked chubby and happy, a little permanent smudge of grease on his apron. Life seemed so simple then, your feet didn't even touch the floor from the red vinyl booth, with the cracks in the vinyl... all you needed to feel proud and whole was for mom and dad to take you here to split a large cheese pizza, with a little side dish of spaghetti and a single meatball on top, and then at the end of the meal a slice of strawberry cheese-cake in a plastic shell-case, the kind of meal that told you that you were loved and the universe made sense, and you remember walking back to your dad's pickup in the melting snow, your socks wet and cold by the time you crossed the parking lot. Anyway yeah those boys are putting their drat NUTS in the CUP!!!!!!!!