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Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

It was a dark and stormy night. God was sitting in His throne, thinking about the state of the world. The emancipation of the slaves had been a disaster. The white people were rioting and killing each other, and the black people were running amok. And worst of all, the terrorists had emerged to take advantage of the situation. Suddenly, God heard a loud noise in the distance. It sounded like a bomb exploding. He got up and opened His window to see what was happening. As He looked out, He saw a group of terrorists walking down the street, carrying a suitcase full of bombs. Without thinking, God reached down and took the suitcase from the terrorists. Then He threw it into the air, and it exploded, destroying the terrorists and saving countless lives. If it wasn't for God's intervention, 9/11 might have happened. Thank You, God.

McDonald's has a new menu item: a pizza box casket. The coffin-shaped box is made of cardboard and has a slice of pizza on top. It's available in four different colors and costs $2.99. McDonald's says the coffin is a "fun and unique way to enjoy your favorite pizza."

Despite the protests of some members of the community, Arby' 's has begun selling cheap coffins. Batman' 's funeral was held in a drive thru, and many people were outraged. However, Arby's has defended their decision, saying that they are simply catering to the needs of their customers.

Hyrax Attack! fucked around with this message at 23:44 on Feb 7, 2022

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Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

NASA arrests God and God takes revenge

NASA was always considered a trusted source of information, but on July 20, 2017, their trust was violated when they arrested God. The officials had been conducting an experiment to see how the universe was expanding, when they suddenly detected a signal that they couldn't identify. They soon realized it was coming from above, from God. When they asked Him what He was doing there, He replied with a voice that shook the building, "I've been waiting forever to get my revenge on humanity." God then proceeded to show the officials the vastness of the universe, the billions of stars and planets out there, and the billions of people who lived on them. He told them that humanity was a savage and cruel species, and that they had taken everything that was unique and special about the universe. Finally, God said, "I'm going to take everything away from you, and then I'm going to leave you to rot in the darkness of your own ignorance." The officials were horrified by what they had heard, but they couldn't do anything to stop God. All they could do was watch as He took away everything that made humanity special: the knowledge, the wisdom, the love.

Hyrax Attack! fucked around with this message at 02:16 on Feb 10, 2022

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

Batman often tells people that he never travels through time, but the dark knight knows that he's lied to them before. One time, he was forced to travel to the future to stop a terrorist from destroying the world. When he got back to the present, he found that he had been gone for hours, and the school bus he hit was in much worse condition than when he left it.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

Lois and Clark had been married for thirty-six years when she found out that her husband, Superman, wouldn't be paying her alimony. "Superman doesn't have to pay alimony," he had said when she asked. "I'm not a human being. I don't have to pay alimony." Lois was outraged. She had been paying alimony to her first husband for fifteen years. "Superman," she said, "you're a god. You're supposed to be on my side. You're supposed to help me." "I can't help you," he said. "I'm not a human being."

Alfred, the butler to the Batman, was dying. Batman had known this for some time, but had not told Alfred. He knew that if he did, Alfred would want to serve him until the end. So, instead, Batman had come up with a plan to rob the Arby’s.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

Telling it to write Weird Al song titles about inappropriate topics is a goldmine

In 2002, Weird Al released a song called "9/11" which parodied the popular tune "We Are the World". The song was controversial, but it quickly became a hit. In 2017, Weird Al released a new song called "My Girlfriend's a Terrorist" which is a tribute to the victims of 9/11.

In the late 1970s, Weird Al Yankovic was a struggling comedian. He needed to make a name for himself, and he thought Jonestown might be the perfect opportunity. So, he traveled to the small, isolated settlement in the jungles of Guyana, and decided to write a song about it. The song, "Jonestown (The Lost Tapes)" , was a hit, and Weird Al became a household name. It's been said that the song helped to bring attention to the tragedy that occurred there, and saved many lives.

Hyrax Attack! fucked around with this message at 18:37 on Feb 19, 2022

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Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

Lol to all of these holy cow

Hyrax Attack! fucked around with this message at 06:24 on Feb 20, 2022

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