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Tesla engineers: I think steering wheels are too boring, how can we *improve* the driving experience? Tesla Owners: OH GOD, ELON HAS DONE IT AGAIN!! I have a boat, and I'm totally used to steering with a tiller. Like it takes 2 seconds to get used to it. I saw a picture of my great great grandfather driving a car with a tiller. How hard can it be? Tesla engineers: Why don't we make the car SAFER by elimination of the clear glass windshield, and replace it with sheet metal, and a screen? How can we make it affordable? We don't. Just tell people its the wave of the future. No more wasted windshield washer fluid and wiper blades. Also, we can make half the screen like a computer monitor so they can watch youtube videos while they're commuting in FULL SELF DRIVING MODE, they just have to make sure they pay attention to their driving because FULL SELF DRIVING MODE still requires the driver to pay attention and give input because (SHHHH) *whispers: the car can't actually drive itself Tesla owners: OH YEAH NO MORE WINDSHIELD TO SCRAPE!!
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Feb 15, 2022 02:22
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What if we combine technologies with the Tesla "M"? It requires a neurochip to access. It also records thoughts in plain text, that way, we can demonstrate that it was driver error and not a tech issue.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:36
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Replacing the windows with a massive LCD screen and 720p webcams
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Feb 15, 2022 02:39
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Jestery posted:Replacing the windows with a massive LCD screen and 720p webcams Sure, 720P for the plebian models.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:43
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Jestery posted:Replacing the windows with a massive LCD screen and 720p webcams They're doing this for passenger jets. Surprisingly, cheaper than an actual window
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Feb 15, 2022 02:44
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The Homer car but it’s the Elon car.
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Feb 15, 2022 02:46
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Replacing keys with a pants belt, where you rub (hump) the belt buckle against the door of your car to activate the NFC, but it won't work unless the buckle senses your body warmth to enforce you to wear it at all times and make sure you design your wardrobe around pants that can fit the extra-wide strap. Conveniently, Tesla happens to sell chino pants for $199 per pair that will perfectly fit the the Tesla door belt. lDDQD posted:They're doing this for passenger jets. Surprisingly, cheaper than an actual window Which jets are doing this now? I just remember the cool ones on the Dreamliners that have the weird blue and black filter built in, which is apparently: https://thepointsguy.com/guide/how-do-those-dimming-dreamliner-windows-work/ quote:These Dreamliner windows have two pieces of glass with gel sandwiched in between them. This gel has an electric current running through it, which increases or decreases based on the dimming level selected by the passenger in the window seat. The higher the current, the darker the gel becomes and therefore, the less light that can be seen through it. Decrease the current and the gel lightens up just as your view outside does.
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Feb 15, 2022 03:06
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So everyone wants a flying car right. Were in the future, lets give them flying cars. So with the Tesla sky why don't we just chuck just a whole bunch of those drone chopper things on the bottom of it. So doing some quick calculations. Sweet. So if we lighten up the car as much as possible, and assume the driver is a severely underweight 4 year old, we should be able to get about 3 cm of lift and a top forward speed of 2 k's per hour. The future is here people!!!!!
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Feb 15, 2022 03:08
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no doors or windows at all. build the car around its owner and create a permanent synthesis of man and machine. users pay the car etherium to suck them off in between uber trips
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Feb 15, 2022 03:08
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Hehe I'm gonna place the "create a lithium fire" button right next to the "fart horn" button!! People gonna love this!!
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Feb 15, 2022 03:23
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beer gas canister posted:no doors or windows at all. build the car around its owner and create a permanent synthesis of man and machine. users pay the car etherium to suck them off in between uber trips To add to that, you can't even buy the car, you subscribe to it and if you stop paying you pretty much have like half an hour to pay up plus a penalty, or the car will deprive you of oxygen, you die and your carcass stays in the car as a reminder to the next
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Feb 15, 2022 03:24
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In testing we found that our customers were reporting "tired feeties" after longer driving sessions. To save drivers the effort of moving their foot from side to side we're combining the stop and go pedals into one - press it, and our AI will decide if you wanted to go faster, or stop. Due to certain AI issues the cars will constantly play a recorded warning to never point the vehicle at a fire truck.
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Feb 15, 2022 03:38
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No no no no no no no no no. Shut up for a moment. We make the doors cost money to open from the inside. What are they gonna do? Nobody has to get into a car but people sure as hell need to get out of them. Especially if the battery is on fire.
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Feb 15, 2022 03:43
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wesleywillis posted:To add to that, you can't even buy the car, you subscribe to it and if you stop paying you pretty much have like half an hour to pay up plus a penalty Half an hour, what are we a charity? When the subscription about to run out, lock the doors and give them a 10 second count down.
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Feb 15, 2022 03:48
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Let's make Johnnycabs.
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Feb 15, 2022 04:12
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No one like a parked car right? We'll make it so that the Tesla B=D waits for 39 minutes after you park it... then will take off and join the Rover fleet of autonomous Teslas that serve as Also you're liable for the car when it's gone.
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Feb 15, 2022 04:26
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FilthyImp posted:No one like a parked car right? We'll make it so that the Tesla B=D waits for 39 minutes after you park it... then will take off and join the Rover fleet of autonomous Teslas that serve as This is supposed to be a comedy thread, not things elon literally promised
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Feb 15, 2022 04:31
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this is going to revolutionise the industry, it's gonna change the game for all automakers, dildo seats compatible with teledildonic technology, patent of the boring company, subsidiary of spacex, owned by tesla
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Feb 15, 2022 04:48
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Let's add AR to the mix. We can pair with insurance companies to make a game out of safe driving. Like, "stop at the stop sign long enough to slay the buggabear" or some poo poo. We can control speed through escort quests where the NPC runs too slow. Maybe we can add NFTs in there somehwere, gently caress I dunno. Anyway, gotta go do a racism and some blow.
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Feb 15, 2022 05:48
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With the new Tesla wireless wheel, you can drive from any seat in the car. For an extra $5000, you can drive it from home over the internet.
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Feb 15, 2022 06:15
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*shits pants*
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Feb 15, 2022 06:21
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"You know, I actually like having to warm the recessed handles on cold or icy days. I like to think that the car appreciates the warmth and just needs a little T.L.C.!" *kisses roof* -xXLoveKingElan53Xx
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Feb 15, 2022 06:23
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Going to increase demand for Tesla cars by having them be able to mine Crypto.
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Feb 15, 2022 06:32
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Hey what if our new Tesla model transformed into a cool robot. Like a real life Transformer. Woah. Yeah. Hell yeah that'd be fuckin' sick. Ok so what if, in robot mode, it had these sweet rocket launchers and machine guns on it. Dude that sounds amazing. I've wanted that since forever. You're tapping into something primal here. And what if we programme the robots to massacre any workers that attempt to unionize. Just gun them down like the ungrateful dogs that they are. Holy poo poo bro I'm gonna get Elon on the phone he's gonna want to hear this.
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Feb 15, 2022 06:37
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SLICK GOKU BABY posted:Going to increase demand for Tesla cars by having them be able to mine Crypto. This is genius. We can then sell "Elan's Choice" branded "Battery Boosters" (30lb battery packs) when the onboard mining rigs septuple the energy consumption! Or, even better we sell "Elan's Select" branded "On the Go Packs" that weigh half that with a required subscription plan!
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Feb 15, 2022 06:44
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You guys don’t understand you need to EARN your crypto through the COMPETITIVE FREE MARKET. 1 ETH will be awarded each day split amongst the top EARNERS who put the most miles on their Tesla. Yes the combined on-board mining rigs will produce more than that, why do you ask? This policy is GENEROUS and R&D is expensive. Don’t you want to prove you’re the best while supporting investment in more things for you to buy?
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Feb 15, 2022 06:55
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"Hello yes I'd like to spend a million dollars on being hacked eventually" is what each and every Tesla customer says to us, and we're striving to achieve exactly that!
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Feb 15, 2022 10:45
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Adding a lidar inside the vehicle to detect the driver’s boner status. There will be leaderboards
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Feb 15, 2022 11:10
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The Management posted:Adding a lidar inside the vehicle to detect the driver’s boner status. There will be leaderboards Like size-wise or duration of erection?
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Feb 15, 2022 11:58
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What if we add a rejection seat? Barry you're an incredible engineer, one of the best, but I think your divorce is starting to affect your work.
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Feb 15, 2022 12:00
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I want a lidar that detects genital arousal of either sex and then activates the ejection seat
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Feb 15, 2022 12:02
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Hmm I think we need to think more outside the box with the whole "ejection seat" thing. Ejection seats in cars are old. boring. We need to put an exciting new new paradigm spin on it. I know what about instead of having the ejection seat get people out of the car, we have people enter the car by ejection seat. Yeah. Lets get one of the interns draw up the specs for that.
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Feb 15, 2022 12:31
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We turned the car into a bitcoin mining rig. Petrol, diesel, hybrid, electric, 95% of it will used by the rig
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Feb 15, 2022 12:34
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Rather than wheels, this new car has the exciting "CUBE" technology. The wheels have 4 sides, designed to better fit the modern driving experience. Elon Musk himself came up with the design, citing a dream he had. We're also excited to announce another innovation that sprung from that dream - the seats of all new Tesla vehicles will be made out of a malleable, putty-like material for some reason.
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Feb 15, 2022 13:46
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The self driving sensor camera suite will generate NFTs of your Sunday cruise. Now every trip is a chance to profit.
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Feb 15, 2022 13:50
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Running a blockchain miner in the onboard computer has revolutionized travel for me. I used to just mindlessly get from A to B but now, knowing that I could be capturing the next bored monkey has me paying attention to the road like never before. Saved a life when I noticed a pedestrian who was sneaking in front of the self driver. Really makes you stop and appreciate the journey. Especially when the dashboard reboots.
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Feb 15, 2022 13:55
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The car doesn’t go anywhere or do anything but shows a message when you get in that says “wherever you go, there you are”
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Feb 15, 2022 13:57
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Supporting this vehicle ensures that you do NOT support Roko's Basilisk, so there's an additional $30,000 fee that we're enacting in order to combat that totally real thing that you should be terrified of.
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Feb 15, 2022 14:03
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Booty Pageant posted:this is going to revolutionise the industry, it's gonna change the game for all automakers, dildo seats My rear end is tight like O-ring on new washer hose Does dildo use LIDAR to scan my colorectal area and adjust for my comfort?
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Feb 15, 2022 14:08
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| # ? May 3, 2024 22:34 |
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Tesla play "New Sensation" by Huey Lewis and the News while I kill this prostitute
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Feb 15, 2022 14:13
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