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Tomorrow, May 19, is Global Accessibility Awareness Day. Had I known this before a couple days ago, I would have tried to prep something, but life is life. Also accessible is the Katawa Shoujo LP on the LPArchive. And it has been for a while. Why didn’t I know about this? As part of the archival process, the LPer communicates with Baldurk about what exactly they want included, and there was a snafu around getting Our Stories included (dozens of links outside of the OP, after all). I saw what I thought was a preliminary draft a couple months back and asked for that to be included a second time, then waited. And then I checked a couple days ago. And saw the LP went up without Our Stories anyway. And once an LP is live it can’t be edited. And even though those posts are preserved in the forum archive, they’re now locked behind a paywall for good unless I manually copy them over somewhere. Which won’t happen for a variety of reasons. So. gently caress  .On a lighter note, I was referred something very interesting. In honor of Global Accessibility Awareness Day, Deque University is offering a year of free access to ~30 online digital accessibility courses to anyone who identifies as disabled. The form asks for your name, email, and disability, but doesn’t seem to want any further proof of identity or anything. I invite folks to sign up.
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May 18, 2022 19:44
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Where would you like them to be copied?
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May 18, 2022 20:00
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TheDavies posted:Where would you like them to be copied? It’s not that I wouldn’t have them copied, it’s that I shouldn’t. Anonymous internet comments or not, we’re talking about often extremely personal and sensitive (and potentially identifying) information, and anonymous internet commenter or not, I was trained in the ethics around oral history. It would take a whole post to break down why and how those guidelines apply here, but long story short, recording the kind of information people shared in that thread without their informed consent and sharing it with the public under my name - even anonymized as both sides of the equation are - would get me blacklisted from the historians’ community, and I would deserve it. I dealt with that by getting explicit consent from posters before including them in the OP, which I did. Problem is, you have to be specific in describing what you’ll be using their information for (it gives them power over what their information will do), and the agreements I asked for only specified me using them in the thread. Really, even putting them up on the Archive straddles the line since I didn’t specify it’d be used like that in the agreement. Then, because it was a hassle to implement and I thought it wouldn’t be an issue, I removed a clause that COULD HAVE let me repurpose that info for circumstances just like this near the end of the LP, then publicly renounced my intention to use that info anywhere outside the Archive. Basically it’s a huge loving ethical snarl using that initial agreement for anything other than putting it in the OP of the thread and its archived version. Now that the archived version is up without it and the LPArchive doesn’t edit LPs after go live, there’s no real recourse and those posts are stuck behind that paywall. Now, that doesn’t mean those posts are like sealed from the public or something. I could put them somewhere else if I reached out and permission from said posters again. But I’d have to get each poster involved to make an entirely new agreement (since we’re taking about something I never discussed originally), and while there’s nothing stopping me from doing so, that’s a long and arduous journey to go through. Archiving those posts isn’t 100% off the table, reach out to me if you really do want to help, but it would be a complicated endeavor. And yes, I know I’m taking this incredibly seriously for a Let’s Play, but those ethical guidelines exist to keep people with power from appropriating the experiences of vulnerable people - and disabled people have had their stories whitewashed, monetized, and dismissed enough already. Without realizing or meaning it - no ableism involved here - Baldurk blocked me from using that information for good as well as from evil. I hate it, but I’m kinda stuck unless I do a ton of legwork or he changes LPArchive policy just for me. It’s complicated and I know I care more than most people, but that’s me  .
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May 18, 2022 23:58
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If it's any consolation, the forum archiver is broken. Threads haven't been being archived for years. PS: You could email baldurk and see if he's willing to help sort things out. The LP Archive is ultimately his show, and while he's pretty busy (thus the formatting requirements, so he can automate the process), you can get a lot of doors open by asking nicely. Quackles fucked around with this message at 00:06 on May 19, 2022 |
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May 19, 2022 00:03
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For what it's worth I've absolutely seen LPs edited after they go live. I've read a few LPs missing updates, and in one instance I even brought it up and a few weeks later the update was put back in; i think it also wound up fixing a few wayward broken links. I think combined with asking nicely, if the thing that needed to be edited in was major enough, it would probably be okayed to edit it back in. I can still see the hesitancy you'd have with doing it with all those personal posts and just letting it lie, but something to keep in mind if something similar happens in the future.
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May 19, 2022 02:00
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Update 21: You're right, Hisao, there is someone.  Watashi ga kita!!! 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  25. Cinnamon - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST   SAYORI: Brrr!It's gotten so cold…October was so warm, why couldn't it stay that way?  HISAO: We are in November now, y'know. SAYORI:But last year's November was so mild!Uwaa...It's so unfair.Other places get really cool winter things like penguins, reindeers...even Frosty the Snowman! HISAO: Sayori, you know that Frosty the Snowman wasn't real, right? SAYORI: Of course, silly!But what if you make an actual snowman and name him Frosty? HISAO: Pretty sure that doesn't count. She waves my comment away, an indignant huff of air visible from her mouth. SAYORI:I just want it to snow. Seeing the gentle snowfall at night...when you're tucked up and cosy inside, with some hot chocolate… It's so peaceful. All of the untouched snow...and when it's quiet… HISAO: You should probably spend Christmas with Yuri this year, y'know. Sounds like you two share the same thoughts. SAYORI:Oh, well it's obviously really fun to have snowball fights, build snowmen, make star angels!And missing a day or two off school, ehehe…I guess since joining the Literature Club, I've started to appreciate nature a bit more. Although I still love summer. That much hasn't changed, then.Uwaaa, oh no… HISAO: What? She's fiddling around in her pockets, desperately looking for something. SAYORI:I left my gloves at home!And my hands get cold so easily…Having cold fingers is the worst!Well, or having wet socks on… HISAO: Blow on them, Sayori. SAYORI:Huh? Blow on my hands? HISAO: Yes. It'll warm them up, trust me. She takes my advice, but judging by the look on her face, it's a futile effort. SAYORI:It helps a little bit, but they're still so cold…I just wish I had something proper to warm them up for me... As she stands there pouting, an idea forms in my mind. One that'll benefit both of us… HISAO: Give me your hands. Doing my best to ignore my beating heart, I take her hands in my own and start rubbing on them. SAYORI:Huh? What are you doing? I roll my eyes, hoping she attributes my sudden stuttering to the cold, and not the sudden nervousness this new situation brings. HISAO: W-What does it look like I'm doing? It's a slow process, but slowly I can feel her hands warming up. Given how hot my whole body feels, it's no surprise. I'm half expecting there to be steam radiating off my fingers by this point. The silence in the air feels heavy, almost as if it were laced with some kind of tension. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it, but the unfamiliarity of the sudden intimacy makes me feel a little uncomfortable. ... HISAO: There. They should be much warmer now. I move to pull my hands away, but Sayori's grip doesn't loosen like I expect it to. SAYORI:Would you uhm… Would you mind holding on for just a little bit longer? It's really sweet what you've done for me.I get cold super quickly, though… HISAO: S-Sure… Although we'd have to get a move on, otherwise we'd be late. SAYORI:That's okay! And so we make our way to school. Just like any other day where we've walked together. Except for one major difference - we're holding hands. I mean...friends can hold hands, right? It's not necessarily romantic, or anything… But it feels so...good. Just like...it belongs. Sayori's fingers are absentmindedly stroking the back of my hand, and I have to fight the urge to return the favor. ... Nah, to hell with it. Her hands feel so warm and soft against mine, so there's no way I'm letting this opportunity pass up. She laughs softly as my fingers trace a gentle circle around the back of her hand. She breaks the silence - but only slightly, as her voice is barely audible, over the howling wind and my own hammering chest. SAYORI:You're pretty quiet, Hisao. HISAO: Sorry. I just...uh… SAYORI:It's okay. You don't have to say sorry.This has been...really nice, hasn't it? HISAO: It has. My mind is screaming at me to say more - to say something, something romantic and cheesy! I feel so...content, and warm, and most importantly...safe. With the girl I grew up with, the girl I've shared so many happy memories with, the girl who provides a bundle of sunshine in my life. SAYORI:Your hands feel really nice. HISAO: Y-Yours feel really… Don't mess this up, Hisao. HISAO: Ditto. I uh...well, I wouldn't mind warming your hands up again. Y-You know, if they ever get um...cold. That was the lamest response I could've given her. Sayori thinks otherwise, though, as she bursts into laughter. I feel my cheeks flare up again - this time out of embarrassment. HISAO: Hey! SAYORI:Ehehe, sorry, Hisao, sorry… You're just so...den- I mean, adorable. HISAO: Yeah? Well, so are you. The line is out of my mouth before my brain has a chance to even process it. This time, it's Sayori's turn to grow flustered. An endearing crimson flush appears on her cheeks as she looks away, embarrassed. SAYORI: E-Eh? HISAO: You can be really cute sometimes, you know that? This is deep into uncharted territory; I've really passed some kind of line - the line that you adhere to when you're just friends with someone. Although...do I really care? SAYORI:Wawawa… She flails, further demonstrating my point. Wait. Are those… HISAO: Sayori! What's that, in your pocket? Are those gloves?! She freezes, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. SAYORI: Huh?! Ehehehe…No! Of course not! Oooh, look at the time! We're going to be late!See you at lunchtime! She zooms off with the velocity of a bullet. That girl is so drat sneaky. Then again… It's not like I didn't benefit from her little plan, is it? She'll be the death of me. With high spirits, I follow after Sayori's rapidly disappearing profile. 8. Student at Heart - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  SAKURAI: ...And that was the state of the war by the summer of 1917. As he outlines the activity we'll be doing next, my ears prick up as he mentions we'll be doing it in pairs. SAKURAI: By the way, turn to page...394. That chapter should be the most relevant for this task.Now if you don't mind me, I'll be marking all of the homework I should've gotten back to you last week. As per usual, his light self-deprecating style earns a smattering of laughter from the class.  Emi and I have been working diligently, making steady progress. It's about break time, I reckon. HISAO: I've been meaning to ask. How's the track stuff coming along?  EMI: This season has been great! Although there aren't as many sessions going on this month. I mean, there's still some, but people always chicken out when it gets cold. No dedication...I hate seeing people give up on stuff. HISAO: You and your running, eh. I gotta give you credit for that, though. I wish I had the drive for exercise. EMI: Oh, I don't think it's a lack of drive that stops you from exercising, Hisao! There's a mischievous look in her eye. EMI: You're distracted. I catch Sakurai looking at us. Hastily, I turn back to my textbook and scribble something in a lazy effort to look like I'm doing some work. Once his back is turned, my full attention goes back to Emi. HISAO: 'Distracted'? By what? EMI: By who, is what you should be asking. That very knowing smile is making me feel a little uncomfortable. HISAO: C'mon Emi, enough with the riddles, haha. EMI: Sayori, Hisao! I see you two having lunch together all the time… Don't you walk her home as well? HISAO: I didn't know they teach you how to stalk people at the track club, Emi. EMI: A-ha! So you do walk her home then? HISAO: So you do stalk me, huh? EMI: Soooo, do you like her? HISAO: Uh… EMI: Hey, I promise I won't tell anyone. And c'mon, the amount of times I let you copy my homework… I grumble under my breath. HISAO: I had a feeling you'd use that to get a favor out of me… EMI: Use it against you? Hisao! Of course not! It's just...my way of reminding you that you can trust me. HISAO: Well… EMI: ...Ah. Actually, no, I guess I am being a little pushy, aren't I? Sorry, I shouldn't have. HISAO: S'all good. It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just… Ah, I dunno, it's really confusing. I guess to put it simply...yeah, I do like her. EMI: Aaah, I knew it! That's so cute, though. How long have you liked her? I nervously scratch the back of my neck. HISAO: Eh, well… We've always been childhood friends, but over the past few years we started drifting apart. I joined her Literature Club last month, and well… Since then, I've just really enjoyed being around her. I guess I never really realized what my feelings were. We've been spending more time together recently, and… I sigh dreamily. EMI: You're noticing all of the little quirks about her, aren't you? Awww. HISAO: Yeah, things like how blue her eyes are, how warm and soft her hands feel, and how cute she looks when she's concentrating. She's always been really good at making me feel...at ease. Whenever she's around, I just feel really uh… I dunno, just… Happy? Oh god. All of that mushy stuff must sound super embarrassing. HISAO: Sorry, I know this must sound really cringey. EMI: It doesn't! It's fine. I know the feeling myself! HISAO: Oh, that guy you started dating a couple of months ago? The new guy, right? EMI: That's the one. HISAO: So what was it like for you? What little things did you start to notice about him? EMI: I guess I realized how much he really...thinks with his heart. (  )EMI: He's a little dense, but I really came to appreciate how patient he can be. But that's enough about me! Sounds like exactly the same thing is going on here. When are you gonna tell Sayori? HISAO: Uh... well that's the thing… SAKURAI: Ah, Hisao, Emi. Everything going well? Oops. Looks like I was getting so into the conversation with Emi that I totally forgot we were in a classroom. Thankfully we've made enough progress for Sakurai not to chide us. He studies our notes. SAKURAI: Doing well so far. Although I'd add a little more detail about how the United States entered and how that clashed against their policy of isolationism. After all, it was a turning point in the war, from both a military and foreign policy perspective. EMI: Noted, sir! As he meanders off, Emi wastes no time in jumping back to the conversation. EMI: You are gonna tell her, right? HISAO: Ah, I dunno… Part of me wants to, but I'm super nervous… What if she doesn't feel the same way? She dismisses my concerns with a frown and shake of the head. EMI: Look, I can tell that she likes you. HISAO: How can you possi- EMI: Female intuition. First motherly intuition, now female intuition. No fair. Women get all of the psychic powers. EMI: Trust me. She spends so much time with you, and my gut feeling has never been wrong before! She winks at me. Strangely enough, it fills me with a little bit of confidence. HISAO: O-Okay, then… I swallow. I guess I'll tell her… I just don't know how to do it... EMI: Look, it's easy! All you have to do is be honest with her. Tell her what you told me. That you really like spending time with her, and that you want her to be your girlfriend.Easy. She leans back triumphantly. HISAO: Pffft, easy for you to say. EMI: Oh! And never confess over text or online! Has to be done in person. HISAO: Well it's Thursday today, so… EMI: You gotta tell her tomorrow. Trust me, you don't want the anticipation hanging over you during the weekend! HISAO: But that's so...soon. EMI: Think of it this way. The sooner you tell her, the sooner you can start dating. I won't lie - that's a pretty appealing prospect… Tomorrow it is. EMI: And let me know how it goes! 25. Cinnamon - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  HISAO: Managed to find your gloves this time, eh? She flails around nervously. SAYORI:Y-Yeah! I guess I didn't know they were in my pocket the whole time before, ehe... As she pulls them on, I'm hit by a pang of disappointment. I was hoping I'd get to keep her warm and hold her hands again… HISAO: Hang on, Sayori. My scarf has come loose. SAYORI: You're so silly, Hisao~ Didn't your mom teach you how to properly tie a scarf? HISAO: Uh… Yeah? I just never got around to actually putting it into practice. SAYORI: Let me help you. She stands in front of me, completely undoing the scarf and placing it around my neck.  At this distance, not only can I see her breath forming a misty cloud in front of me, but I can even feel it on my face. As she works, she brushes against my neck and collar. I have to force myself not to burrow into her touch. SAYORI: There. With a final loop, the scarf now sits snugly, providing the warmth it should. Even after she's finished, her hands linger on my neck. Despite the fabric of her gloves, I can feel they're still cold. HISAO: Thank you, Sayori. Much better. SAYORI: You're welcome!~ ... HISAO: Sakurai told us that during the war, a bunch of miners and bombs set off an explosion so loud, it was heard in London, all the way from France! Over 140 miles away. SAYORI: That must've been one big explosion! HISAO: Do you think the miners did the whole 'cool guys don't look at explosions' thing? SAYORI: Maybe that's where movie directors got the idea from? HISAO: I'll ask Sakurai tomorrow. Knowing him, I'll probably just get a sarcastic answer though, haha. SAYORI:I'd tell you an interesting math fact…But math isn't interesting. HISAO: Oh yeah, I'm definitely with you there. SAYORI: Seriously! You can't write a poem with numbers, or a story… I don't think I've ever seen my parents using the quadratic formula or worked out the area of a triangle in real life...And my teacher tells me that math is a lifelong skill! HISAO: Really? I find it pretty useful. Y'know, in counting up the amount of times you complain about something. SAYORI: Hey!You said you agreed with me… HISAO: Kidding, kidding! Anyway, I'll catch you tomorrow, Sayori. HISAO: Have a good one. SAYORI: Bye! 11. Pensive - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  Man, what a long day today has been. I feel like I learned more from Emi than I did Sakurai. I guess tomorrow is the day I finally ask Sayori, huh. Being totally honest, I'm kinda terrified. But then again...how much longer do I want this anticipation to loom over me? Besides, Emi is confident Sayori likes me, so… It should go smoothly, right? Emphasis on the 'should'. After all, she does spend a lot of time with me… And the trick with her gloves this morning… I just hope I've not misread all of the signs. Or else tomorrow is going to be super awkward. 29. Out of Reach - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  SAYORI: What's up, Hisao? You're looking really glum! HISAO: It's nothing, Sayori. SAYORI: Hey. I know something's bothering you.You can talk to me, it'll be okay. HISAO: I didn't do well in the end of year exams… People found out, and they kept laughing at me. Plus my parents are gonna be so mad… I'm an idiot. SAYORI: Hey! You aren't an idiot, Hisao!You're not stupid at all! HISAO: But I messed up so badly… SAYORI: You're still really smart to me, though!You helped me with homework so many times…And look, you tried your best, right? HISAO: Yeah… SAYORI: That's fine, then!That's all that counts.Teachers can't expect more, can they? Yeah, I suppose you're right. SAYORI: And those meanies… They're just jealous! HISAO: Jealous? Huh? Of what? SAYORI: Well, you're really good at the Floor is Lava game!And I was just gonna say we play that now! That'll cheer you up, I know it! HISAO: Ah, I dunno…Come ooooon! You can be Spider-Man again! HISAO: Aha, okay then. Let's start here! SAYORI: Yay!~ The next hour passes by in a blur. Within moments we were already hopping around the room. Zipping by from chair to chair, room to room. SAYORI: Aaaah, watch out!The lava monster is there! HISAO: Haha, I'm never going to see Mom's house plant the same way again. C'mon Sayori, you've got this! There's a fairly big gap between the two couches and Sayori peers over the edge, trying to see if she can make it. HISAO: Even if you fall, I've got you! SAYORI: Okay… She jumps, soaring through the air... ...And lands right next to me, a triumphant grin on her face. HISAO: Ayy! Way to go! She grins and offers her hand for a high five. ???: Having fun? HISAO: Oh hi Mom!  MOM: You two look like you've having the time of your lives. mom Good to see you again, Sayori. SAYORI: And you! We were just playing the Floor is Lava game! MOM: Quite an active imagination the pair of you have, huh? Mom smiles endearingly. MOM: Joys of childhood, eh. mom Would either of you like some snacks? mom I think we have some tempura. Sayori's face brightens immediately. SAYORI: Oooooh!That would be really nice, thank you!If that's okay? MOM: Of course, dear. mom How about you, son? HISAO: Yeah, tempura works for me as well, Mommy. Thanks! MOM: Oh, and by the way… mom Watch out for that tall house plant in the other room. mom I've heard it's secretly a scary lava dragon in disguise! She winks as she leaves. 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  25. Cinnamon - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST Man. It's days like these that I really with my dad was around. I'm sure he's experienced all of the nervousness associated with asking a girl out. Relax, Hisao, relax. You're just asking your childhood best friend to be your girlfriend. No big deal, right? ... Who am I kidding? Of course it's a big deal. What did all of those websites online say? 'Just relax, be yourself, be confident'? Wow, some advice that was. I'm just banking on Emi's intuition being correct. Please be correct, please be correct, please be correct… Doki Doki Literature Club! OST - Daijoubu!   YURI: It has gotten rather cold these days, hasn't it?  NATSUKI: Ugh, definitely! Winter is such a pain.  MONIKA: It definitely makes waking up for tennis practice a little harder... YURI: It does have its upsides, however… It really makes for the perfect weather to snuggle up indoors, with a soothing hot chocolate and a nice book… SAYORI: And seeing all the snow softly fall during the night is really relaxing, too! Although it all gets ruined the next day when people walk through it… NATSUKI: Having end of semester exams is such a drag, too. I can't help tuning out their conversation. Today has been going by so slowly. All throughout class this morning I could barely concentrate. I've just been picturing how I imagine the conversation with Sayori will go down. Safe to say, that's definitely been the focus of my mind. Emi shooting me knowing looks every so often didn't do much to staunch the whirlwind of uncertainty in my head. In the clubroom, we've just finished sharing poems, and I can't wait for the session to end. NATSUKI: ...and people get really mushy around Christmas time, as well. You know, like cuddling up together, holding hands, all that stuff. Yuck. SAYORI: You say that like it's a bad thing, Natsuki! Come ooooon, it'd be lovely to have someone to warm you up when the nights get cold! Don't you think? Hmm… Is this a hint? Or...just me totally misinterpreting? NATSUKI: Pffft, no way. YURI: I can see where both of you are coming from, actually. On one hand, that physical intimacy must be quite nice…Although I have to admit, public displays of affection can be a bit...overwhelming. NATSUKI: Yeah, especially when couples start playing tonsil tennis with each other! Monika laughs. MONIKA: Interesting way of putting it, Natsuki. NATSUKI: I'm right though! Ugh, save that stuff for when you're at home... SAYORI: But what about presents? That's something else that makes Christmas so enjoyable! Buying gifts for other people and seeing their reactions! YURI: That's definitely a rewarding feeling, especially when they really like your choice. SAYORI: Don't you think, Hisao? Don't mind me, just trying to figure out how to ask you to be my girlfriend... Oh, yeah, everything's fine. Y'know, just trying to figure out the best way to ask you to be my girlfriend. HISAO: Oh, um. Yeah. Just trying to decide what to get you guys for Christmas, that's all. Racking my brains, I desperately try and follow up what I've just said. HISAO: Let's say I had to get you a present, Monika. What would you ask for? Can't buy you a piano though, sorry. MONIKA: Well that'd be telling, wouldn't it? It would ruin the mystery. NATSUKI: Well, you're always busy with like, a billion things going on at once, right? So I dunno, maybe like a diary, or a planner or something. Or a tennis racket? I have no idea. MONIKA: Those aren't bad ideas, actually. YURI: It's always difficult buying presents for someone. Especially when it's someone you don't know particularly well. SAYORI: You could do with a watch, Monika! MONIKA: A watch? Why? SAYORI: Well, you could do with the free time! ... One day, Sayori's jokes will get a little funnier. 25. Cinnamon - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  Ah, finally. The school day sure did take its sweet time... While it did drag on, I'd be lying if I said I was ready for what's about to come. HISAO: Hey, Sayori. Erm… Are you uh, busy, after school today? SAYORI: Nope! Well, apart from homework, but I didn't get much today~ HISAO: Okay, well, uhm… I nervously scratch the back of my neck. Sayori eyes me curiously. HISAO: D'ya think we could hang out a bit? Today? After school? Please don't pick up on the desperation in my voice. SAYORI: Sure! My place, or yours? HISAO: Yours sounds good. SAYORI: Okay! We haven't spent time together after school in a long time. What made you change your mind? Not that I'm complaining, ehehe~ Why am I getting a shrewd suspicion that she knows my plan, and is just going along with it just to watch me squirm? HISAO: Nothing, nothing… SAYORI: Oooh, you don't have a Christmas tree for us to decorate, do you? HISAO: It's barely mid-November, Sayori. A bit too early for that. SAYORI:Aww… Doki Doki Literature Club! OST - My Feelings  SAYORI: Anyway, what did you want to do, Hisao? I don't think it's healthy for a human heart to beat this fast. HISAO: Well, I uh… I w-wanted to tell you something, S-Sayori. SAYORI: Okay! What's up? It's now or never. HISAO: Uh, well, look, I really don't know the best way of saying this… Sayori, I… She's just sitting there, patiently waiting for me to speak. There's a hint of anticipation lurking in those blue eyes of hers… Taking a deep breath, I stare at the floor and let my mouth talk before my brain has a chance to catch up. HISAO: I guess it was ever since we were kids, I've always been drawn to you, and uh… Well, seeing you again after these years has been really, really nice, and I'm so glad we get along like the huge gap in our history was never there… I really like you, Sayori, in that way, and uh...well, I was just wondering how you felt...like, do you feel the same way, or… I trail off into nothingness, cringing at how pathetic my confession must've sounded. So much for 'be confident.' (Silence) The silence is getting overwhelming. Lifting my eyes off the safe haven that is the floor, I have to force myself to meet her gaze. play music out_of_reach  The expression on her face is hard to read. She's smiling, but at the same time, there's definitely a hint of sadness behind her eyes. SAYORI: I should've seen this coming, ehe…I guess it really is my own fault. HISAO: Huh? Fault? What do you mean? SAYORI: I was selfish. HISAO: What? How? SAYORI: I really like you too, Hisao. I should be feeling relieved, happy even, at hearing those words. Yet I can't help but feel like something is terribly amiss. SAYORI: I...I think I always have, even when we first met.  She smiles warmly at me, but there are tears forming in her eyes that trickle down her face as she blinks. SAYORI: You've always been so nice to me, even when I didn't deserve it. Even after we drifted apart, you were still willing to talk to me, and see how I was doing. You took an interest in my club, even though I didn't think you'd enjoy literature. And at first, I was a little unsure.I wasn't sure if things would be like how they were when we were kids. Deep down, I was hoping they would. And over time, I guess I got my wish. Because they did. Your jokes, your personality, just by being around you. Every day was a walking reminder of easier times. HISAO: I don't get it, Sayori. If you like me too, and you're happy with me being around, what's the problem? She shakes her head. SAYORI: It's not that easy… You just don't understand. HISAO: Of course I don't, Sayori! Can you blame me? I can tell there's something going on with you, but every time I try and help, you shut me down! Is it any surprise I don't understand? That day before the festival where you wouldn't even talk to anyone. And that day when you weren't in school… Something wasn't right, that day, it was just a gut feeling. I've always been able to tell when something's wrong, Sayori, no matter how well you hide it. SAYORI: I really wish you couldn't. HISAO: That horrible nightmare you had. You know some of the things you were saying? You think you're useless? That you don't want to do it anymore? What are you talking about? Please, Sayori, just tell me! What's so tiring? What don't you want to do anymore? Why do you think you're useless? Did someone say something nasty to you? I swear to god, if someone's been saying stuff, tell me, and I'll go and f- SAYORI: You're right, Hisao, there is someone. I clench my fists so hard I can feel my nails digging into my palm. HISAO: Who?! SAYORI: It's me. I blink, stupefied. That was the last response I expected to hear. HISAO: You? What on earth is that meant to mean? You're saying stuff to...yourself? We're just going round in circles here, Sayori. Please, enough with the mysteries and the vague answers. I've been honest with you! What could this horrible, dark secret be that makes you so useless and unlikeable? SAYORI: Depression. For the second time this evening, I'm at a complete loss for words. HISAO: Huh? SAYORI: There, that's my secret, Hisao. HISAO: You're...depressed? SAYORI: I've had depression for most of my life. HISAO: Oh. Oh my god, Sayori. That was probably the most lacklustre response I could've given you. I'm sorry. SAYORI: Don't be. I wouldn't have expected you to know how to respond. She gives a short, humorless laugh. HISAO: I don't know what to say? I...I had no idea. I never would've known - you always seem so…Happy? Cheerful? But...I don't get it? I thought you were so happy? She sighs as tears slowly leak down her cheeks.  SAYORI: No, Hisao. I never was. It was just a mask. I really tried to keep it up. Her voice wavers as she speaks. Fresh tears fall down her face but unlike the day of her nightmare, she makes no attempt to hide them - her secret has been laid bare. SAYORI: Every day. Waking up, getting ready, walking to school. A-All of the things that people take for granted. And it's been so scary, so difficult. I was so scared that at any moment, I'd let my mask slip, and you'd see the real me. HISAO: So…that's what you were referring to, when you said it was tiring? That you didn't want to do it anymore. She nods sadly. HISAO: And...all of the other things, too? Like waking up? SAYORI: And eating, too. I don't have the energy to cook actual meals. HISAO: So that's why you went for pizzas and other junk food? God, it's all coming together now. SAYORI: And the whole thing has been so bittersweet. Seeing you again, hanging out, just like we used to… For the first time in...what feels like such a long time, I felt something that felt alien to me - happiness. It wasn't much, but it was something, enough to help me through these days. Like when you warmed my hands up. I felt so bad in asking you to help, but sometimes I just couldn't help it.It's so hard fighting against what your heart wants. And as I started to like you, it terrified me. HISAO: But why? SAYORI: Because it was getting harder and harder to resist being selfish. HISAO: Selfish? SAYORI: Selfish, in dragging you into my mess. You shouldn't be bothering with someone like me. Part of me wondered if me being so miserable would put you off. Another sad smile. SAYORI: But it didn't seem like you minded. No, you really stuck around, and tried your best to comfort me, even though I was horrible to you and kept you at a distance. And now here we are - a situation that's both what I want and fear the most. I'm worthless, Hisao. I couldn't care less about myself. I just want the others to be happy. And now I've messed that up, because now you know about my depression, and knowing you, you'll definitely worry. I really couldn't win either way. I'm so, so sorry for dragging you into this, Hisao. I tried so, so hard… But with you here, telling me you like me too… Her voice is a mess at this point; a whirling mess of tears and anguish. SAYORI: For once, I just wanted to embrace that selfishness and be your girlfriend. It's almost like another person who looks just like Sayori has been talking. No, it is like it's a different person. As she spoke, I was sinking further and further into disbelief. How could it be that my happy, carefree childhood friend was harboring such a sad secret? HISAO: You're definitely not selfish at all, Sayori. How could you be? You're one of the most selfless people that I know! You make it your duty to make everyone else happy! I could never not care about you - you're my best friend! And I'd do anything to make you happy again. I'm just so glad you told me this. SAYORI: Why? HISAO: Oh, just come here. SAYORI: Please don't hug me. Ignoring her cries, I embrace her, holding her close to me. To my surprise, though, she pulls free and pushes me away from her. I didn't even know she had this strength. SAYORI: I'm sorry, Hisao. I just...I really can't deal with this right now.  SAYORI: Can you please leave? HISAO: Leave?! Sayori, look at what you've just told me! Do you honestly expect me to just go, like it didn't mean anything?! SAYORI: Yes. I stare at her incredulously. Her resolution doesn't change. All sorts of feelings are swirling through my head right now. I'm still trying to process what she's just told me… And even after suffering for years, she's still this stubborn? Anger floods through my veins. Probably an unreasonable reaction, but at this point I'm too emotionally charged to listen to rationality. HISAO: Oh, so that's how it is, right? I'm allowed to tell you my problems, and you're allowed to cheer me up, but I'm not allowed to help you? What kind of friendship is this, Sayori? SAYORI: You'll never understand… HISAO: Of course I won't! Because you never let anyone in! Is it any surprise I don't understand? I instantly regret raising my voice the moment the words leave my mouth.  SAYORI: Just go. Please. Without any choice left, I dejectedly comply. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 23:33 on May 26, 2022 |
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May 19, 2022 21:14
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Falconier111 posted:
I've been on both ends of this conversation. Its never easy, on either side. Its painful, because I suffer with depression and anxiety. I honestly can't stand being around most people and crowds send me into a full blown panic. Owning a small business that requires me to deal with the public all day is the most draining thing I've ever had to deal with. I've perfected my mask for dealing with other people at work, and even my wife can't see through it, which terrifies her to no end because she says that she can read people easily but she cant read me. My wife, who I grew up with, suffers from bipolar disorder. She stopped taking any kind of medication to stabilize her self about 10 years ago, saying she didn't like how it just made her feel just straight depressed all the time. Any antidepressant/mood stabilizer that she's taken has either stopped working after 6 months or she straight out couldn't keep it in her stomach to be absorbed.
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May 19, 2022 23:47
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Falconier111 posted:
God, this hits close to home. I've said things like this before. One of the lessons I had to learn, over many years living with (treatment-resistant) depression, is that no matter how much you may feel something like this, actually saying it to someone puts them in a very difficult position and isn't fair to them. I'm not going to judge anyone for expressing this feeling, because keeping things in is its own kind of unhealthy, but it usually doesn't go well. I may very well feel that I'm a drain on people around me, and find it hard to imagine them getting enough enjoyment or value out of my company to make up for it. But that's a decision I have to let them make for themselves. Saying "I don't understand why you spend time with me, I just make you miserable" just puts them in the uncomfortable position of having to attempt to refute it, which is (a) uncomfortable, don't put people in a position they feel obligated to praise you, (b) futile, because from the position of being depressed you're not going to believe anything positive they say about you anyway, and (c) insults their judgment. It's just a conversation that makes everyone involved feel worse. (Let's not ask how many times I had to argue with my partner about this for it to sink in... it was a lot easier to convince myself to stop doing it because it hurt her than any argument that it wasn't healthy for me.) On the subject of masking, one way I like to describe depression is that it doesn't necessarily manifest as constant misery, it's more like if you imagine normal affect as a sinusoid, depression is applying a uniform downshift to it. You still go through relative highs and lows, they just fall in different places on an absolute scale. Under this analogy, say, a good day for me might rise to the level of an average day for someone who isn't depressed (and anyone who doesn't see me very often is more likely to only see me during those relative highs, because I'm less likely to go out when things get bad and my energy levels tank, and therefore have no apparent reason to think I suffer from depression). I don't even have to intentionally mask to end up with a practical outcome that looks like masking.
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May 20, 2022 02:24
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Having grown up in a family where nearly the total majority of people have depression across the last 3 generations, Hisao comes across as an incredible dumbass here. Just totally unfamiliar with the very cliche "bubbly person is masking." I try not to judge people for being clueless or bumbling but c'mon man. The proper response is largely the proper response to almost any painful secret a person tells you,"oh wow, that's really rough, thank you for letting me know, I feel honored that you trust me with this, how would you like me to help?"
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May 20, 2022 05:58
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Ugggghhhh I am in this picture twice and I don't like it....
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May 20, 2022 17:54
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I just got in contact with another LPer, a streamer called hyper_elastagirl. She's going to be starting a stream of Katawa Shoujo from a physically disabled woman's point of view at her channel at about 7 Central today, a little over two hours from now. I'm going to be swinging by and invite anyone interested to do so too.
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May 20, 2022 22:48
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Falconier111 posted:I just got in contact with another LPer, a streamer called hyper_elastagirl. She's going to be starting a stream of Katawa Shoujo from a physically disabled woman's point of view at her channel at about 7 Central today, a little over two hours from now. I'm going to be swinging by and invite anyone interested to do so too. Sounds rad as hell, thank you!
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May 20, 2022 22:55
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UPDATE:  The Katawa Shoujo stream is now live!
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May 21, 2022 01:15
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Update 22: Especially when you're feeling overwhelmed, it helps just to take a step back and breathe. 29. Out of Reach - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  Back in my own house, my mind is still racing at a million miles an hour. Now that the heat of the moment has passed, I ashamedly realize that I probably handled that pretty poorly. Yes, it was frustrating being kept in the dark, then having such a huge bombshell dropped on me, then again being unable to help… But getting angry at her was the worst thing to do. Man, I'm such an idiot… Arghhhhhhhhh. God drat it Emi, so much for female intuition, eh? Well, there's one person who hopefully should be able to help. Grabbing my phone, I hastily punch in a phone number and hope she's free.  MOM: Hisao, hi! What's up? HISAO: Mom, I told Sayori how I felt and it… MOM: Didn't go well? HISAO: Yeah, but...not for the reason you'd think. I don't really know how to put this because I'm still trying to process it myself, so I'll just lay it out. Sayori likes me too, but she...couldn't bring herself to act on those feelings because she's depressed. There's a heavy silence for a beat. MOM: Depressed? HISAO: I know! Sayori of all people! MOM: Oh, I see, I see… My goodness, that's awful. Poor girl... I hope she'll be alright. HISAO: I really hope she will be. Mom, I acted like such an idiot… MOM: What happened? HISAO: Well, when she told me she was depressed, I tried to comfort her by hugging her… But she pushed me away and told me to leave. And I… Ugh, I'm kicking myself… MOM: Go on. Her tone is gentle. HISAO: I...I got angry at her, and raised my voice. It was just so frustrating not being able to help her, and I wasn't thinking straight… MOM: Oh darling… You're not an idiot, at all. I understand it must've been so frustrating… No, shouting at her wasn't the best idea, but it's not like you set out to hurt her, is it? HISAO: Well, no… MOM: It happens during arguments, don't worry. HISAO: There are so many other things, too… She said she feels worthless, and she felt selfish in even telling me what was going on. MOM: Ah, so that explains why she rejected your hug… There's a sigh on the other end. MOM: Sweetheart, this must be so difficult for both of you. It must feel so overwhelming. mom Believe me, I know what your situation is like. HISAO: You do? MOM: Mmmhm. I once dated someone with depression, and it wasn't easy. It's one of the hardest things to watch someone we love suffer like that. And we just don't understand it when they say such negative things about themselves. HISAO: It was horrible, Mom. It didn't even feel like Sayori was talking. I just...never saw it coming. I mean, I knew that something was going on with her… But I just thought having days where you're in a low mood were normal, you know? MOM: Well, from what I've gathered, she's awfully convincing at wearing that façade. If it's any consolation, I don't think anyone could've guessed that she was depressed. Either way, the worst part about depression is probably that it's just so loud and convincing. mom It's got a horrible tendency to dominate the thoughts of whoever's got it. And it can be really hard for them to take off the depression tinted glasses. It's an illness, and unfortunately mental illnesses can be just as significant as physical ones. ...Something I wish this country would recognize… HISAO: So what can I do for her? What do I do? Can I even do anything? MOM: You definitely can help her out - I didn't mean to make you feel like you were powerless or anything. HISAO: It's...it's okay, I'm glad you're being honest, I guess. It's just kinda hard to realize exactly what we're dealing with here, so it'd help to be informed, right? MOM: You've become really mature, Hisao. I'm proud of how well you're handling this. HISAO: I'm not handling this well at all, Mom. I had no idea how to react, I shouted at her, and she was in tears… MOM: Would anyone who isn't a mental health professional know how to deal with what you've just been told? mom Anyway, the most important advice I can give you is not to expect a quick fix. mom Depression isn't something that can be fixed with love. mom It isn't your job to fix her. mom But you can still help her. HISAO: I was starting to think I was totally useless here… MOM: Of course not, darling. She loves you as well, don't forget. mom It won't be all doom and gloom. You'll have days where things will be normal, days where she really isn't faking her mood. mom But then you'll also have days where she won't have the energy to get out of bed, days where she just won't feel like talking to anyone. mom And it's really important that you're as patient and understanding as you can be during those days. mom Oh, and communication's a big one! That goes for any relationship, really. mom It sounds really obvious, but talk to her. Let her tell you about how she sees the world, and what her thoughts, feelings and fears are. mom There's gonna be problems, there's gonna be fights. Those are healthy, and part of any relationship. mom If something's bugging you, or someone's bothering her, just talk it out. mom Communication is the key to a successful relationship, believe me. I can't help but laugh. HISAO: You sound like one of those relationship gurus. MOM: It's a mother's job to guide her children, you know. As an aside, never underestimate how helpful it can be just to listen to someone's problems and worries. Just having someone listen can be so helpful, more than you could ever realize. HISAO: Funny you mention that, because I was going to ask if Sayori should see a therapist or doctor. MOM: Yes, I think that'd probably be for the best. Although things like therapy and medication don't always work for everyone. It's tempting to see it as a magical fix, but just remember it'll take time. There's so much more I want to discuss, but unfortunately you caught me at a really bad time... It's times like these in particular that I feel awful for not being around... HISAO: It'd be really nice to see you, Mom... MOM: I'm really hoping I can come to visit soon. And for what it's worth... You're much stronger than you realize, and I'm very proud of you. Just remember that, okay? HISAO: I'll try. MOM: Give it a day or two before you talk to her, by the way. I think she'll need a little bit of time to cool off. I'm sure that if you apologize for getting angry and rationally explaining your side of things, she'll come around. She never struck me as a girl who could hold a grudge. Emotions were running high, from what I can gather, so she'll understand it. And I know it seems really bleak right now, but it'll be okay, Hisao. I just know it. HISAO: I really hope so, Mom. MOM: Just remember that your support will be just as important as what a doctor or therapist can offer her. You've really got such a big heart. Show her just how big that heart really is. I love you. HISAO: Love you too, Mom, and thanks...for everything. MOM: Anytime. Ring me whenever you need help, okay? Click. Wearily, I flop down onto the sofa. Feels like such a lot happened in a short space of time. I just hope Sayori and I can patch things up. 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  11. Pensive - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  Man am I glad that it's Saturday today. There would be no chance in hell that I'd be able to concentrate if today were a school day. Her revelation keeps replaying over and over in my mind. Depression. A nasty sounding word. And in some ways, quite foreign - I guess I was kinda sheltered; prior to Sayori, I never knew any people with the condition. It was something I was of course aware of, but I had never paid any real thought to it. I mean, I knew what it was. Psychology has always been at least vaguely interesting to me, but I never really saw a real reason to look into it. And Sayori said that she's been depressed for most of her life. So I can't help but wonder - when did it all develop? What caused it? Was she bullied? Or did a close friend or family member die? There are so many things I want to ask her right now. But as Mom said, it's best to give Sayori some to cool off. I'll give it a couple of days. Besides, I've got a lot of homework to be getting on with. Well, that's Sakurai's out of the way first. Man, the end of the war really had huge effects on the world. It's time for a break, I reckon. What to play, what to play? It really is a first world problem to have so many games available but still not know what to play. Hmmmm. A colorful looking title catches my eye. Man, not even the escapism from video games is doing the trick. Perhaps I should go for a walk, instead? Being cooped up indoors probably isn't doing any favors for my health. Mom used to harp on about the importance of fresh air… I stand up and stretch, wearily rubbing my neck. Yeah, some fresh air wouldn't go amiss. 39. Doux-Amer - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST   This song, as far as I can tell, was composed as an exclusive capstone for Monika’s route. Her route never came to be, though, and instead we get one of the loveliest tracks in the game so far setting the scene now. At this point in the day, the park is rather quiet. Not as many people come to this part of the park, anyway. Which's a shame, because this part is arguably the prettiest, thanks to the lake. Being the middle of November, there's a definite chill in the air, although I'm wrapped up warm, so I can barely feel it. There's a comfortable lull in the air, especially after the overwhelming nature of last night. The silence is a perfect antidote, being therapeutic and calm. Sure, I have the house to myself, but there's no substitute for fresh, cool air. Maybe my parents were right when they kept up that 'healthy body, healthy mind' mantra. ... As calm as the atmosphere is, it's not doing much for the whirlwind that is my mind. Looking back, how could I have been so stupid? How did I miss all the signs? Am I really that dense? Thinking about it, the Fairy Tale poem makes so much sense now. The selflessness, the devotion to keeping others happy, regardless of her own mental state… The signs were all there! Struggling to wake up on time, which explains why she was always late… And the nightmare. ...And when she finally told me her most painful secret, how did I respond? By shouting at her and making her cry. Great friend you are, Hisao. No wonder she didn't even want to tell me in the first place. I was so pushy, so demanding...yet when she told me, instead of being empathetic and understanding… I did the exact opposite. It wouldn't even surprise me if she didn't want to be friends anymore. Would she ever forgive me? Although whether she should or not is a whole other question. Even if she did forgive me, what could I even do about her depression? Her self-perception seems so...cemented. Would I be making things worse by getting involved? Or would I be able to help her? I don't know, I don't know. Being a normal teenage guy doesn't really afford me much sensibility. Even though it might sound a bit melodramatic, I can't help but feel like I barely even know Sayori anymore. How much of her happiness is just a mask? It can't be all of it… ???: Hisao? Being so lost in my thoughts, I didn't even notice Yuri's presence.  HISAO: Oh hey, Yuri. Didn't see you there. YURI: I'm not...bothering you, am I? You look rather deep in thought… HISAO: Oh, you're fine. Would be nice to have some company, actually. She smiles shyly and takes a seat next to me. The accompanying silence is not awkward in the slightest, which surprises me. Then again, Yuri is no stranger to deep thoughts herself, and she's definitely used to being reflective and quiet. YURI: I didn't expect to see you here. HISAO: Didn't expect me to come to a quiet park when it's getting dark, especially in the middle of winter, huh? YURI: Not really, no. The dark and the cold combined tend to put most people off. YURI: If you don't mind me asking, what brings you here? HISAO: Ah, well… There's a lot on my mind, and I figured some fresh air would do me good, you know? YURI: Ah, I see. Perhaps we're more alike than I first imagined. Whenever I'm troubled by something, I always find quiet period of reflection in the evening can be really helpful. Something about the stillness of the night. It's much easier to think when you're in an environment such as this one. HISAO: Yeah, it is. Especially when you're feeling overwhelmed, it helps just to take a step back and breathe. I've actually known this park for as long as I can remember. My parents used to take Sayori and I here all the time. Countless memories throughout the years. YURI: That sounds wonderful, Hisao. To be able to share such happy times with someone as you both grew up. Although I'm curious...given how much time you two seem to spend with one another, I would've thought Sayori would be with you now. I look down momentarily, poking at a twig with my shoe. HISAO: Ah, well… We kinda had a...fight. YURI: Oh... That comes as quite a surprise, given how close you two seem to be. Then again, I suppose it's inevitable that fights occur between people, no matter their dynamics. Yuri starts fiddling with her hair. YURI: N-Not that I mean to pry, but may I ask why you had a fight in the first place? I grimace as I reply. As much as I enjoy talking to Yuri and appreciate her company here, there's no way I can reveal Sayori's secret to her. HISAO: It's not that I don't want to tell you, and it's nothing personal, I just… YURI: I understand completely, Hisao! I suppose it was a rather personal question. HISAO: She just...told me something really private, and I… That horrible, familiar feeling of shame bubbles up whenever I recount how I reacted to her confession. HISAO: I didn't take it very well, and I said some really stupid stuff. I...I got angry at her, and I shouted at her. I'm an awful friend. I lean forwards, burying my face in my hands. There's an awkward, heavy silence for a few moments. YURI: Hisao? I know that I haven't known you for as long as Sayori has… But please believe me when I say you're not an awful friend. I don't know what was said between you two… But everyone says things they don't mean during arguments, especially when tensions are running high. That's something my parents once told me, and it really is true. If you take my argument with Natsuki, back in September… In the heat of the moment, I said some rather... h-hurtful things. However, I didn't actually m-mean them. And I'm fairly confident that Natsuki feels the same way, too... Please don't be too hard on yourself. I can tell that Sayori means a lot to you, and you're ever so patient and kind with her. If I m-may be so bold to say…  YURI: Perhaps you don't realize it, but you do a lot for her. Little things, such as walking to school with her in the mornings, and walking her home in the afternoons. But most importantly, whenever she's feeling sad, you really take it upon yourself to find out what's wrong so you can comfort her. We can all see that your care and consideration for her shines like a beacon. HISAO: Yeah, that's all well and good and all, but I still hurt her really badly. YURI: Friends always hurt each other, Hisao. It's just an unfortunate reality of being human. From what I can gather, she isn't someone who could hold a grudge. So whatever issue there is between you guys, I'm confident you'll be able to sort it out. S-Sorry, I didn't mean to sound presumptuous or anything… Uuu… HISAO: You've not been presumptuous in the slightest, Yuri. Your insight has been really refreshing. I still feel bad, but you've made me realize that perhaps things aren't as bleak as they seem. So thank you. Seriously. It means a lot. You're a really good friend. YURI: A-Ah...well uhm, t-thank you, Hisao... I'm glad I was able to help. I can't help but grin. Yuri's shyness has always been endearing, especially as it clashes against her intelligent, mature outlook oh so much. HISAO: Anyway, I could ask you the same question. What brings you here? YURI: Ah, well… ... HISAO: It's okay, you don't have to disclose anything. I won't pry. But just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here, and so are the other girls, okay? I remember how horrible those people during the festival recital were to you, and I'd hate to think that you were suffering in silence or anything like that. YURI: Ah, Hisao...you truly are too kind. I very much appreciate your words, and I'm very glad that Sayori told you about our club. HISAO: I know I said it back in September, but honestly, I'll say it again. I'm just grateful that you guys accepted me with open arms. You didn't judge me because I wasn't a poet, nor did you ever laugh at how bad my poems were. I know they weren't particularly to your taste, but you still gave me good advice and feedback. YURI: Well, I believe that everyone should be included. No one deserves to be an outcast, irrespective of their hobbies, interests or their writing ability. I just wish others would be as accepting and inclusive of those with...interests that go against the norm. She's nervously picking at her sleeves, almost pulling them up over her hands. HISAO: Well, for what it's worth, I think your interest in horror and taste in literature and poetry is pretty cool, Yuri. It makes for a nice change of discussion, and gives you interesting stuff to talk about. Like when you discussed Frankenstein's monster with me at lunchtime. I never really gave it much thought, but after you had that talk with me, it helped me realize that we shouldn't just take stuff at face value. Oh, and your poems are awesome. I hope that one day I'll be able to write to your level. YURI: ...That really means a lot. I'm glad you have such an open mind, Hisao. In this day and age, to find a mind so free of prejudice and misconception… It's truly a breath of fresh air. Thank you. Anyway, I don't mean to cut short our discussion, but unfortunately I have a lot of homework to be getting on with. Ah yeah, me too. Procrastination can only get you so far, eh? HISAO: Catch you later, Yuri. Hope everything gets better. YURI: And you, Hisao. 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  (Silence, Alarm Sound) Beep beep beep. Another day at school. At least it's mid-November now, so the Christmas break isn't too far off. ...  After finishing my morning route, I head outside, tentatively waiting for Sayori. Yuri's words were helpful, but I was naive to think things would just go back to normal. There's no sign of Sayori, and I feel like texting her is off the table. With a sigh, I make the journey to school alone. 8. Student at Heart - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST Learning about the inter-war years should by all means be interesting. Even with Sakurai's enthusiasm and humor injected into the lessons, I still can't find myself enthusiastic about the topics he's discussing. Despite my best efforts to remain occupied over the weekend, the worry I have for Sayori was always there, lurking at the back of my mind. I hate this silence. Not being able to talk to someone you really want to talk to is crushing. SAKURAI: Ah, Hisao. I don't suppose you'd be able to answer that question? HISAO: Huh? SAKURAI: Please don't tell me that I'm such a boring teacher that you can't even pay attention. If word got out that I was sending my students into a stupor, I'd get fired on the spot! Although I'd probably do well in the hypnosis business… There's a light smattering of laughter. He's still looking at me expectedly, so I force a grin on my face. HISAO: Sorry, sir, I err...didn't understand the question. Could you repeat it? He does so and I answer. He nods approvingly although there's traces of concern on his features. We're supposed to be taking notes from out textbook and answering the question, but my mind has been on auto-pilot ever since I woke up this morning. By all accounts, the progress I've made has been pretty...mediocre. SAKURAI: Everything okay, Hisao? He's keeping his voice low and quiet, crouching next to me. SAKURAI: You don't quite seem yourself today. Pardon me if that's an incorrect assessment. He motions toward my notes. SAKURAI: You're normally ahead of the game when it comes to classwork. Not that I mind too much. Everyone's allowed to slack now and again, right? He chuckles, but I barely even respond. HISAO: Yeah, I'm good, sir. Sorry, just had a...long weekend. Might as well attempt a stab at humor. HISAO: And by long weekend, no, I don't mean staying up late playing video games. SAKURAI: That's a shame. Those kind of weekends are the best ones. Anyway, just do your best for now. You've got a good grasp on the topics, so don't worry about it too much for now. Just make sure you know the material for the December exams. HISAO: Got it, sir. Thank you. Whew. I was expecting some kind of stern telling off about my lack of progress. SAKURAI: Bell's about to ring, everyone. We'll call it there. As I'm making my way outside, I spot a familiar white bow. MONIKA: Hey, Hisao. About to head to lunch, huh? HISAO: Yeah. I'm really sorry, but I won't be coming to the club today. She raises an eyebrow. MONIKA: Oh? Why's that? HISAO: Being totally honest with you, I'm really just not in the mood for it. There's just some...stuff I need to sort out, and if I came, I don't think I'd be very good company, anyway. She nods, but it's hard to read the expression on her face. MONIKA: Okay, that's understandable. By the way, you haven't seen Sayori around, have you? HISAO: She didn't come to school today. MONIKA: Do you know why? Funny she should ask that. HISAO: No clue, sorry. MONIKA: Hmm. Strange. Well, I hope you sort out whatever it is that's bugging you soon. HISAO: Thanks. And...sorry, once again, for bailing. MONIKA: It's okay. It'll be a quiet session today, I guess, what with the three of us. It'll be interesting to see what it's like. Anyway, I've gotta go. See you around, Hisao. HISAO: Seeya. Oh well.  39. Doux-Amer - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST Much like the walk to school, the return journey feels equally as empty. With another pang of guilt, I remember all of the little jibes I used to fire her way about being lazy and unable to get out of bed. Why is it that our brains are so good at reminding us of times we said or did things we really regret? A tiny voice of reason within me tells me that I had no way of knowing why she struggled to get up on time. I mean, it's not like I set out to hurt her with my jokes… That kind of playful banter just characterises our friendship. ... I just wish I could believe that tiny voice of reason a little more. As I make my way to my house, I notice a figure sitting by my doorway. I roll my eyes and suppress the urge to groan. I'm really not in any mood to deal with some religious nutter trying to get me to believe in God. Wait, hang on… That's...Sayori? HISAO: Sayori?  Her head shoots up at the sound of my voice. HISAO: What're you doing here? SAYORI: Uhm… The sight in front of me is utterly unexpected. Neither of us know what to say - the aftermath of our previous encounter still lingers in the air. SAYORI: Can I come in? HISAO: Uh...yeah, sure… Doki Doki Literature Club! OST - My Feelings  SAYORI: Thanks… After dumping my school stuff down, I turn to face her. The awkwardness doesn't dissipate. There's so much I want to say, but I don't even know where to start. SAYORI: I'm really sorry, Hisao. Tears immediately fill Sayori's eyes, and the powerful desire to embrace her hits me once more. SAYORI: I r-really shouldn't h-have kicked you out like that… I-I've been so horrible to you...k-keeping you in the d-dark… I was just so s-scared, and the w-whole thing is just s-so confusing… HISAO: No, Sayori, it's me who should be apologizing. I'm so sorry for being so pushy, for shouting at you, and for being such a lousy friend… I've been regretting how I acted on Friday ever since… Please don't hate me. Sayori tumbles into my arms, sobbing without restraint. SAYORI: I c-could n-never hate you, silly… Y-You're my b-best friend! I was s-so scared that after our f-fight that I'd pushed y-you away… I can feel my heart break as she sobs and clings to me. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around her and hold her close. HISAO: Sayori, you're so silly sometimes, you know that? You could never push me away. I'm your best friend. Although...recently I've been wondering if I deserve to be. SAYORI: Huh? Why? HISAO: I shouted at you, I made you cry… A few of my own tears have started to leak. With concern etched all over her face, she leans forward and carefully brushes a tear away. HISAO: It's the last thing I wanted to do, and I hate myself for it. SAYORI: Hisao, it's okay. L-Looking back, I r-really can't blame you… It must've been so f-frustrating from your perspective. I just w-want things to go back to n-normal. Please can w-we just put this all behind us? It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, just by hearing those words. Of course we can. HISAO: Ah... and here was me thinking you didn't want to be friends anymore… SAYORI: I could never stay mad at you, Hisao! You mean too much to me. HISAO: Can we agree that we're both a bunch of clowns and we're as bad as each other? Sayori gives a watery smile. She clings to me a little harder. SAYORI: Ehe, that s-sounds fair… Oh, to hear that laugh again… HISAO: I'll always be here for you, okay? Even though I can be a dense idiot at the best of times... That will never change. She looks up, her eyes swimming with tears. Even with tear marks all down her face and tousled hair, she still looks absolutely beautiful. SAYORI: You really mean that? I gently thumb away one of her tears. HISAO: Of course I do. So that's why you waited outside my house? SAYORI: Yeah...I really wanted to see you, but I couldn't face school today, and I wasn't sure if you even wanted to see me… Her voice is slightly muffled as talks into my shirt. HISAO: It's kinda funny, when you think about it. We both thought the other person didn't want to see us, when we both really wanted to see each other. Aha, oh, Sayori… What are we like? She giggles into my chest. At such a close distance, I can actually feel the vibration from her laughter. HISAO: Yuri told me that she didn't think you were the kind of person to stay angry for long. She looks up. SAYORI: Yuri? HISAO: Yeah...I bumped into her over the weekend, while I was at the park. Needed some fresh air at night. Don't worry, I didn't reveal much - I just told her we had a fight. She was really empathetic and understanding. SAYORI: Aww… that sounds like her! She's such a dependable friend. Anyway, I guess she's right. I hate conflict, and I don't like staying angry at people… HISAO: Well, that's super convenient for an idiot like me, isn't it? SAYORI: I was going to try and find you earlier, but I thought I should give it a little bit of time first… HISAO: Ah well...at least we're here now. I'm so glad you came to find me. SAYORI: And I'm super glad we made up! Oops...I got your shirt super wet… Sorry about that… HISAO: All good. Not the first time you've spilled something on me now, is it? SAYORI: Oh, you mean that one time with- HISAO: Hold up, Sayori. 'One' time? SAYORI: Okay okay, you've made your point, meanie. We both share a laugh, and my god does that laugh feel good to hear. Just like that, all of the tension and stress I've been carrying over the past few days has lessened. It's like I can finally breathe again. HISAO: Anyway, look, Sayori, I had some time to think about what you told me on Friday. I'll be honest with you. I don't understand depression at all, and I can't imagine what you're going through. But what I do know is that I'll do my best to be there for you… Even if it's just as a friend. I know you said you like me too, but you weren't sure about your feelings. So we can go at whatever pace you want to go at, if you even want to go at all. SAYORI: It's really frustrating because I do like you, Hisao, I really do. I just… She bites her lip anxiously. I'd hate to drag you down. To get you involved with my mess. HISAO: I know you see it like that, Sayori, but I see it completely differently.  HISAO: No one is forcing me to make my decision. I'm choosing to get involved because I want to. Because I like you, and I don't see you as a burden at all. Think of all the times where you've helped me feel better, or the other girls in the club. You're so good at keeping everyone's spirits high, breaking up fights, restoring the peace. Would it really be so wrong for me to give something back to you? I know you don't see it, but to me, you're worth an awful lot, and I care about you so much. SAYORI: But Hisao, there are so many other things, other people out there, who are more worthy of your time… HISAO: None of those other people are you, though. No one else on this planet could ever replace you. I grew up with you, Sayori, and you're my best friend for a reason. All of the happy memories we've shared - the jokes, the stories, the adventures. I share them with you, and only you. You're such a big reason as to why my childhood was so happy. SAYORI: Really? HISAO: Of course! We used to see each other like, every day! Our parents used to say we were inseparable. And here we are now. Even after years apart, we get along like nothing ever happened. So believe me when I say that you're very special to me, and you've got a heart of gold, whether you can see it or not. SAYORI: Oh, Hisao... She starts to sniffle again. SAYORI: No one has ever said something like that to me before... HISAO: Well, I'm glad to be the first. SAYORI: I'm still...unsure, and it's still really confusing, but… Your hugs are really comforting. They make me feel like...everything might be okay, if just for a few moments. I know what you want me to say, but… I don't know… I still feel like I'm being selfish. A-And I thought, you liking me back would make the rain clouds in my head go away. It's like...there's a little ray of sunshine now, but it's still raining. Even though Mom told me that depression has no quick fix, Sayori's words still disappoint me. Mom did say it wouldn't be easy. Guess I'm really starting to find out just how difficult this can be. HISAO: That's okay, Sayori. I guess it was naive for me to think I could just come in and fix everything. SAYORI: That would be nice, though… I guess we could just...start by taking everything really slowly? Like...could we not jump into going on official dates, or telling everyone we're together, just yet? HISAO: Of course. Whatever pace you want to go with, like I said. SAYORI: I'm not...making the wrong choice though, am I? Just...please tell me if I'm being a burden, and I won't hold it against you if you didn't want to be with me anymore… HISAO: You don't have to worry about that at all, trust me. Although...as much as I like you, I don't want you going through with this just because it's what I want. SAYORI: No, I...kinda want it too. HISAO: 'Kinda'? SAYORI: I do want it, I just...I just can't shake off the feeling that I'm not worth your time. And even though what you said just now really helped, feeling worthless is something I've felt for a long time. It's hard to shake off the feeling. But by being with you, the rain clouds don't feel as bad. HISAO: It'll be okay, Sayori. I just know it will. I'll see you through this storm, and I'll be your umbrella.  SAYORI: That's actually one of the sweetest things you've ever said to me. Poetic too~ Looks like the Literature Club is really rubbing off on you! HISAO: I know, right? I'll be definitely be the next Shakespeare, just you wait. Anyway, I guess it's for the best that we're taking things slow, because December exams are coming up. As much as I don't really want to, we should probably both be focusing on those. SAYORI: Yeah, you're right... But once they're over… I take her hand, locking her fingers with mine. HISAO: We'll just have to wait, won't we? Anyway, speaking of work, I should probably get started with revision... SAYORI: Yeah, that makes sense. HISAO: I'll see you later, okay? SAYORI: Okay~ I hold my arms out and we embrace once more. Oh, to be able to hold her close to me, inhaling her scent, playing with a strand of her hair… It's heaven. Before I can stop myself, I plant a soft kiss on her forehead and break free, closing the door before my mind catches up to my lips. I swear I can hear a soft giggle as she closes the door behind her. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 20:05 on May 25, 2022 |
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May 23, 2022 21:16
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The link to the monica song is the wrong link. That was a nice aftermath to the last update, I think. Though the mom conversation, while sweet, felt a little silly in how detailed she was even if she did date a depressed guy at one point...but I suppose infodumping about stuff like this is always going to be a little awkward. Also I know I shouldn't be thinking too hard about it but where are Sayori's parents anyway. Hisao's were neatly written out but it kind of sounds like Sayori also lives alone at this point.
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May 24, 2022 01:52
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It looks like you've got some problems with missing portraits during the section where the mother is talking, there are a lot of "mom"s in the text where I suspect line breaks/portraits should be. And there's a missing closing image tag toward the end of the post Falconier111 posted:[img]https://lpix.org/4295647/bs 22 b 06.jpg Falconier111 posted:Maybe my parents were right when they kept up that 'healthy body, healthy mind' mantra. This line reminds me of an ongoing debate I have with my mother, who is always very keen to remind me that research suggests exercise helps with depression. I'm more inclined to think that this is a case of correlation not implying causation, and that lack of depression is more likely to cause exercise/physical activity than the other way around. But, obviously, I can't prove this. (As someone who doesn't enjoy exercise, I find it hard to imagine forcing myself to do something I hate would help with my emotional state. But, well, the research does say what it says.)
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May 24, 2022 02:56
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Running has helped me a lot with my mental health and amusingly it was Falconier's last thread that was partially responsible for the push. There are two pretty obvious reasons that it's helped me: 1, it makes the physical sensations associated with anxiety feel way more controllable and normal, 2, if you're exercising hard its very very hard to keep yourself in self-destructive thought spirals. For myself it was also just kind of necessary to create a project that had progress that was nigh impossible for me to deny. "Feel better" is a project that I can logic myself out of accepting, "run 5k in under 30 minutes" is not. Anyway that's all to say that I recommend Jock Life but one more person saying "its good" is not really so much to convince any particular person so much as just another element of Depression Chat. quote:She's nervously picking at her sleeves, almost pulling them up over her hands. Hisao come on my man please just let other people finish their thoughts I'm begging you.
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May 24, 2022 03:50
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Hey, quick heads up. When Hisao's mom's dialogue is condensed into one block, her portrait markers are still present: quote:MOM: Mmmhm. I once dated someone with depression, and it wasn't easy. mom It's one of the hardest things to watch someone we love suffer like that. mom And we just don't understand it when they say such negative things about themselves.
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May 24, 2022 17:25
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rannum posted:Though the mom conversation, while sweet, felt a little silly in how detailed she was even if she did date a depressed guy at one point...but I suppose infodumping about stuff like this is always going to be a little awkward. I was about to say the same thing; that whole conversation really felt like a Public Service Announcement. I feel like I'm harping on the dialogue a lot - and it's not always that bad - but it's often like... I don't think most adults ever achieve the kind of self-awareness and emotional maturity needed to talk the way these characters do, let alone teenagers. Katawa Shoujo had a bit of that too obviously, but it's much more pronounced here. It seems like the writers of DDBS have their hearts in the right place... but they're not very good at writing convincing dialogue.
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May 25, 2022 11:27
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Antistar01 posted:I was about to say the same thing; that whole conversation really felt like a Public Service Announcement. I'm not that surprised. Writing dialogue is hard in general. What sounds convincing when read in your head might sound off or just wrong when said aloud. Monologues are tricky enough, conversations even harder, and it gets even worse when you're trying to get exposition to flow naturally through dialogue without it being part of a lecture or someone literally reading from a textbook or something.
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May 25, 2022 12:41
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I've actually been kind of surprised at how immature hisao is for a 15 year old. I was formally diagnosed with depression at age 10, and nobody reacted like Hisao did after I was like...12. I've gotten some like, "what do you have to be depressed about you're a white guy" but other than that it's been almost universally "that sucks dude" at worst since elementary school, let alone for high schoolers. Credit where credit's due he's listening to his mom instead of going "what do you understand about love!?"
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May 25, 2022 18:25
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Tulip posted:I've actually been kind of surprised at how immature hisao is for a 15 year old. I was formally diagnosed with depression at age 10, and nobody reacted like Hisao did after I was like...12. I've gotten some like, "what do you have to be depressed about you're a white guy" but other than that it's been almost universally "that sucks dude" at worst since elementary school, let alone for high schoolers. Eh, I think it's fairly reasonable as far as reactions go. She's clearly attracted to him. He's clearly attracted to her. She's not been particularly subtle about it as well. She shuts him down because she doesn't think she's good enough for him, denying his agency in being able to choose that for himself. He, understandably, takes that badly. They both say things they regret and aren't their best selves at that moment. They take some time to cool off, Hisao gets advice, and then they reconcile. It seems pretty standard to me - there's a lot of frustration there from both of them; they both want this to work, and that manifests as resentment and anger in the moment. When the situation is much lower stakes, there's not nearly the same reaction. I had a similarly anticlimactic reaction from friends/family when I was formally diagnosed in my 30s (side note: please get diagnosed long before your 30s if you think you have any sort of depression/anxiety), and a lot of "ah, that makes sense."
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May 25, 2022 22:27
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Antistar01 posted:I was about to say the same thing; that whole conversation really felt like a Public Service Announcement. I'd been thinking this too, honestly, but I wasn't planning to say anything about it. Part of this is that writing natural-sounding dialogue is difficult. But, well, most fictional dialogue isn't natural or realistic, even when it's well written. (If you don't believe me on this, pay attention to some random conversations around you and think about what they'd look like as a transcript. Or, hell, transcribe a couple minutes of a podcast or something.) Real people frequently interrupt and talk over each other, but you rarely see that in fiction. Also, people interrupt themselves! They think aloud, they stutter, they express half-formed thoughts, they start saying something then think better of it and stop, they pause and have awkward silences... there are all sorts of patterns of expression in real dialogue that we understand perfectly well, but which don't translate well into a text medium (or even into something like theatre or film). Getting dialogue to feel natural is one of those things I'd say is more of an art than a science; when I write this is definitely something I spend a lot of time trying to get right, but I don't think I have any general methodology for it besides "if it doesn't sound right, tweak it until it does", and trying to make sure the ideas flow and the characters are talking to rather than past each other. That scene does jump out as clunky and heavy-handed, though, compared to a lot of the rest of this mod so far. Tulip posted:I've actually been kind of surprised at how immature hisao is for a 15 year old. I was formally diagnosed with depression at age 10, and nobody reacted like Hisao did after I was like...12. I've gotten some like, "what do you have to be depressed about you're a white guy" but other than that it's been almost universally "that sucks dude" at worst since elementary school, let alone for high schoolers. I agree, they come across to me as more children/preteens than teenagers in a lot of this. But that could also just be a bad memory on my part, the usual "I'm an Old now and all those youngsters blend together, what even is brain development". Or possibly part of it could be the writers trying to be anime?
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May 25, 2022 22:49
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I've not seen this specific scenario, but I've definitely seen teens have similar dramatic reactions to each other over lower stakes drama. Hell even as an adult there's definitely times where I just gotta walk away or I'm going to say something very stupid because I'm getting heated over absolutely nothing. It's probably being amped up because it's a video game and we need more direct conflict (especially in a visual novel), but it didn't read as "unrealistic" necessarily. Hisao's writing can get kind of clunky at times but generally his reactions haven't seemed too out of place to me.
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May 25, 2022 23:38
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rannum posted:I've not seen this specific scenario, but I've definitely seen teens have similar dramatic reactions to each other over lower stakes drama. Hell even as an adult there's definitely times where I just gotta walk away or I'm going to say something very stupid because I'm getting heated over absolutely nothing.  It’s not 100% realistic because this game can’t help but filter everything through anime, but it isn’t TOO outrageous by my experience. I think this is one of those things that varies from place to place, though. also thank you for the corrections everyone whos posted them, I am tired and forget to thank you before fixing them several days later
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May 26, 2022 15:21
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Update 23: You're my happy thought, Sayori. There is no such thing as a single cultural baseline for discussing mental health conditions, I think. I’m not sure there ever has been. Many people see it as inherently politically charged or just don’t believe it exists, so even broaching the topic can get treacherous; others grew up in various levels of close proximity and develop nuanced opinions. It varies from family to family and culture to culture (as Hisao’s mom’s dig last update hinted, the stigma in Japan is one of the worst in the Western world). Of course, the writing in this mod doesn’t always help; Sayori’s speech felt solid to me (if a little bit too coherent, I’ve never been that well-spoken in the midst of a depressive episode), but the protagonist’s mom sounded a little too wise, like she was reading out of a book; she basically went down a checklist of things you should and shouldn’t do interacting with a loved one with depression. However… I find that more common than you’d think, because people really do learn what to say about depression out of a book (or a website or something). Especially if they’ve had any contact with a therapist themselves. Borrowed therapy speak has a specific cadence that people who use it end up adopting even if they aren’t therapists themselves, and I saw a lot of that in what she said. I dunno, we do have to know more about her relationship with that ex she mentioned to make a judgment call. I didn’t have many issues with the presentation. It worked for me. When I look over the sequence, something else stands out. quote:
This part. Sayori thinks the worst of herself. I know it, you know it, the two of them know it. So how deeply does this divide between her inner self and the happy shell she puts up run? The way she talked about it implies she believes there IS a divide, that the person others see and the person inside our entirely different. Frankly, I don’t think that’s true. I know a surprising number of people with depression who have generally sunny attitudes, myself included (for all the doomsaying I do sometimes talking about disability). No way she has the energy to invent an entirely different persona. My concern is where the writers are going with this. I don’t think they’re going in a lazy or ableist direction, to be clear, but I can’t tell how much of this our protagonist picked up, what Sayori believes about herself, and where the writer plans on taking this thread (if anywhere at all).We’ll see soon enough 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  Doki Doki Literature Club! OST - Okay, Everyone!  MONIKA: Okay, everyone! We've finished sharing poems a little earlier than usual today, so I guess we've got a little bit of free time before we have to pack away. HISAO: Dunno about you guys, but I'm super relieved that all of these exams are over. Student life in a nutshell. Thankfully, today marks the end of the assessments. It also didn't help that I was dying to spend more time with Sayori. SAYORI: Me too! How did everyone's exams go? HISAO: Mixed bag, to be honest. Was never a huge fan of math, so that one definitely could've gone better. SAYORI: Tell me about it... Physics wasn't much better. Coulomb's Law, Ohm's law, Lenz's law… And I still don't get any of them. Biology went pretty well, though! We were learning all about the brain for this semester. So many different parts, and they've all got funny names. Labelling it was tricky, though! YURI: It's fascinating to think that while we're learning about how brains work, our own brains are active, processing it all… Don't you think? NATSUKI: Yeah, if you're a zombie. YURI: I'm… I'm not sure I understand? Zombies aren't capable of higher cognition, and- NATSUKI: Geez, Yuri, it's because they like to eat brains! It was a joke. YURI: A-Ah. Uuu… MONIKA: Ahaha, oh, Yuri. Did you do well? YURI: I-I suppose my performance wasn't too bad… NATSUKI: Pfft, come on Yuri! We all know you're a real smarty pants. Bet you aced like, all of your subjects. YURI: Uuu… MONIKA: You really know how to put her on the spot, don't you Natsuki? Anyway, to answer your question, Hisao, I'm definitely with you. I've never been a fan of exam season. The amount of stress involved… She wearily rubs her temples. HISAO: You have to juggle academics with your extracurriculars, don't you? MONIKA: Mmmhm. High expectations don't make life any easier, either. Her face drops for a moment. MONIKA: But that's enough of that!  MONIKA: Why don't we have a Christmas party? SAYORI: Oooh, like our Halloween one? That was so fun! MONIKA: Pretty much like that, yes. YURI: That's a wonderful idea. A good way to see the year off. NATSUKI: Yeah, okay. Can't see why not. SAYORI: Yay! HISAO: Well that's a pretty unanimous vote. You can host it around mine, by the way. I motion towards Monika and Yuri. HISAO: As I imagine you model students wouldn't want to break into school twice, haha. MONIKA: You'd be correct. Her stern visage betrays no humor. Looks like my joke didn't quite go to plan… MONIKA: Anyway, now that we've got all of that sorted… She quickly checks the clock. MONIKA: I'm going to have to get going, so now's a good time to call the session here. I'll see you guys at the party. HISAO: Let's make a move, Sayori. SAYORI: Okay! I'll see you guys later! 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  21. A Path In the Snow - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST By all accounts, today would be a day I'd be spending with Sayori. After our club meeting, though, she texted everyone, suggesting a Secret Santa idea, where we all buy each other presents. Funnily enough, I ended up with her as my Santa, which put a dampener on things - I was looking forward to Christmas shopping with her. As I didn't fancy going alone, I decided to message Yuri and see if she wanted to come with me. As I wasn't Yuri's Santa, she agreed, although in typical Yuri fashion, she was quite surprised that I wanted to go shopping with her. Some things never change.  Those little snowflakes drift across the screen. HISAO: So, any idea what to get Monika? YURI: I have some ideas, but nothing I'm truly certain on. Part of the downside of shopping for someone is that when you don't know them well, you can never be sure what they want… HISAO: If it's any consolation, I don't really know what to get Sayori, either. Truth be told, I've never been that great with presents. Maybe uh...a new bow? Or some new clothes? But women's clothing makes no sense to me… I've never really talked to Sayori about her fashion sense... YURI: Well, we have the entire day ahead of ourselves, Hisao. It would be sensible to look at the recipient's hobbies and go from there, wouldn't you think? Hopefully we'll be able to find something. At this time of the year, the streets are very busy. Seems like half of the entire town decided to do their Christmas shopping today. From the constant fiddling of her hair and the nervous look in her eyes, it's clear that Yuri isn't a fan of crowds. She's standing quite close to me, her eyes bouncing around whenever someone passes close to her. HISAO: You know, I've had an idea. YURI: O-Oh? HISAO: Well, Monika plays the piano, right? So I'd imagine she'd be into music. Have you ever spoken to her about what kind of bands she likes? Any musicians in particular? YURI: Hmmm… You know, now that you mention it… Yes, we have had discussions about her musical preferences before. While our tastes aren't exactly aligned completely, we both tend to appreciate music with thoughtful lyrics. She has a preference towards music that has lyrics with clever wordplay. If I recall correctly, she wasn't much of a rap fan, although she's begun to appreciate the thought and effort that goes into rapping. Much like with poetry, lyrics can be a powerful way to express your thoughts, the battles you're going through, and the demons you face. The effect of music can be incredible; not just on the listener, but the artists themselves. Take the famous singer, Freddie Mercury. Outside of the band he was in, he was shy and actually rather introverted. HISAO: What, really? I've always seen him as really flamboyant and confident. When he was on stage, it was like he owned the whole room. YURI: Ah, but you see, that was only while he was on stage. As a performer, he was of course as bold, confident and rambunctious as you may think. She stares off dreamily, lost in thought. HISAO: Errr...Yuri? YURI: Oh, goodness, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to go off on a tangent… A-Anyway, yes, I think the music store would be a fine place to start. Let's make a move, shall we?  Thankfully, the music shop is much quieter than the streets outside. As predicted, Yuri visibly relaxes, taking a deep breath. YURI: ...Much better. Now, where do you suppose we should start? HISAO: If I remember correctly, Monika hasn't been playing the piano for long, right? She must still be a novice. So… As my eyes wander, a feasible choice of present grabs my attention. HISAO: How about these? We amble over, with Yuri looking on curiously. HISAO: It's basically a guide on how to play popular songs on piano. I flip it over, checking out the description on the back. HISAO: Note for note, specially catered for beginners. YURI: Hoo… She flips through the pages. YURI: I've never heard Monika discuss these artists before. So she might not even want to learn how to play any of these songs. N-Not that your suggestion wasn't a good one! I didn't mean to sound dismissive or anything… Uuu… HISAO: It wasn't dismissive, Yuri, it was a pretty smart thing to bring up. It was just a suggestion. Let's keep looking. It's tempting to get Sayori something from here, as well. I knew what her tastes were like when we were younger, but I have no idea if they've changed. Nah, probably best to come with her one day. YURI: I remember Monika was talking about this song. I peer over to what she's looking at. Huh. The retro aisle, huh? HISAO: Didn't know she was into really old songs. YURI: If I remember correctly, this appealed to her moreso from a metaphorical perspective. What's more is that the song is actually a story in itself. Initially describing a castaway lost at sea, slowly losing all hope after admitting it's been a year since he wrote his SOS message… It then describes how he resigns himself to his fate, accepting that he's alone, cut off from the real world, with no one to save him, despite his efforts. But one day, he wakes up and realizes that there are other bottles scattered around the shore, and so he realizes that other people share in his loneliness. Ironically, he shares his loneliness with other people. The entire tale, told under five minutes. While it isn't quite what I'd listen to either, the themes that underlie the song and the message it portrays is powerful. The power of loneliness, stemming from an individual cut off from the real world, desperately seeking someone to rescue them, the loss of hope… Man, a conversation between Yuri and Monika would probably go on for hours, if this explanation is anything to go by. HISAO: You...really look into this stuff, don't you? YURI: S-Sorry, I know it must be really weird, and you didn't even ask for the analysis… HISAO: It's not weird at all. think it's really cool how you don't take a song at face value! Even with lyrics, you find all the metaphors and hidden meanings. It's not something I really do myself, but if it's something you enjoy, power to you, right? YURI: R-Really? HISAO: Really. Don't be ashamed of who you are, Yuri. You've got your interests, and that's great. I'll admit that we're different in that sense, but I'd never look down on you for being more analytical. Besides, it probably helps you in school. Anyway, did you want to get the vinyl for this song, or? YURI: Ah, well… I don't know if she has a vinyl player. There wouldn't be much point if she doesn't have one. I actually had another idea for a gift. Which should hopefully be more dependable.  (This is the bookstore Sayori and Hisao went to last act, not the library.) HISAO: Oh, we're back here again. YURI: 'Back here'? HISAO: Yeah, when Sayori and I were doing festival preparation, we came here for supplies. This place had what we needed, so I'm a little more confident now. Anyway, what did you have in mind? YURI: Ah, well, I noticed that Monika hand writes a lot of things - her poems, her entries in her planner and diary. I've always admired the look and feel of a well-crafted fountain pen. These days, they're quite rare. Most people use biros, or ball points. HISAO: A fountain pen, huh? Funny you mention that, actually. If you were my secret Santa, that's probably what I'd get you. Guess you both appreciate the same things. YURI: A-Ah, well, I'm not really sure if she would like it. But I suppose it's more dependable than a vinyl, given she doesn't need any equipment to use the gift. Anyway, let's have a look... In front of us lies a shelf, carefully slotted with a wide variety of fancy looking fountain pens. All in different shapes, sizes, colors and styles. Yuri takes out a selection of the choices, handling each one with the utmost care. She turns them over in her hands, bringing each pen up to eye level, inspecting it from nib to the edge of the cap. Being totally honest, while I can definitely see their appeal, it's a little boring. I'm sure that to the right person they're much more than just a writing instrument... But for me they're just metal sticks that hold ink. I mean, what exactly can you do with a pen? Aside from writing? As my mind wanders - a typical reaction when I'm bored - she calls me over. YURI: This one tempts me the most. What do you think? HISAO: Erm... Well, it's definitely pretty. The dark green against the black looks really cool. Feels pretty weighty too. I can imagine she'd really like this one. That last part isn't exactly true, but at this point I'm not exactly keen to spend lots of time in this shop. Yuri has a habit of getting lost in her own little world - and while I don't mind it, it can drag out at times. YURI: I like how it comes with its own bottle of ink, too. A nice little touch. I think this one will do fine. I inwardly heave a sigh of relief. I had the feeling that Yuri would take even longer than Sayori when it comes to shopping. Let's just hope we don't pass by the book aisle... YURI: What will you get Sayori? HISAO: Still have no idea. Anything to do with clothes are out of the picture. Don't know what her style or size is. YURI: What does Sayori like to do in her free time? HISAO: Errrr… Sleep? Eat? Yuri stifles a small laugh. YURI: Come on, Hisao. You're missing an obvious one. HISAO: I don't think being clumsy is a hobby. YURI: Poetry! HISAO: Wow. Now I really do feel like an idiot, haha. So uh...like, a new notebook to write poems in? Never bought a gift for a poet before. YURI: That's a viable choice, however... Although if I can suggest… HISAO: Hmm? YURI: W-Well, far be it for me to tell you what to get her, but… Given your history together, would it not be...uuu… HISAO: I'm not gonna be offended, Yuri. YURI: Well, would it not be better to get a more...personalized present? Something that really reminds you of her? A new notebook or pen are of course practical gifts, but they aren't particularly...personal? HISAO: Okay, so a more personalized present, something that reminds me of her… YURI: For instance, let's look at her poems… They are rather...intimate, no? A reflection of her inner thoughts and feelings? HISAO: Well, I really liked her Bottles poem, and- Wait. That's it! YURI: Sorry - I'm not sure if I understand? HISAO: You can buy little bottles that are illuminated by lights! If I get a few - all with different color lights - they can be metaphors for the happy thoughts she has! Yuri's eyes light up. YURI: Ah, that's such a wonderful idea, Hisao. Not only is it very thoughtful, but it's also a wonderful homage to one of her best poems. I guarantee you that she would love it. HISAO: Haha, I really surprise myself, don't I? YURI: Where would you get such a gift from, though? HISAO: You can order them from the internet. I tell you what, actually. Do you want to wrap your present for Monika at my place? I can order Sayori's gift and help you out with that. YURI: Are you sure? I've already taken up a lot of your time, and I'd hate to- HISAO: It's Christmas, Yuri. Well, give or take a few days. C'mon. YURI: If you're sure… 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  26. Simplicities - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST (Text Sound)  Reluctantly, I drag my eyes away from the anime I'm watching. Right when the bald guy was about to punch his adversary… Although the intrusion is immediately forgiven once I realize it's Sayori, telling me she’s here.  SAYORI: Heeeey! HISAO: Someone's in a good mood, haha. As we share an embrace, I affectionately run my fingers through her hair. SAYORI: Of course! Exams are finally over, all of our presents are sorted, and I get to spend today with you. Why wouldn't I be? As we take a seat on the sofa, I offer my shoulder as a cushion, to which she delightfully obliges. Sitting here, with Sayori nuzzled into me, an arm around her, feeling her warm body next to mine… Oh, how these past few weeks have been worth the wait. HISAO: Well, given how amazing my present for you is, you've every right to be. I wink at her and her eyes light up, childish excitement all over her features. SAYORI: Ooh! Can I try and guess? HISAO: You can, but that doesn't mean I'll tell you. Gotta wait until the others are here. SAYORI: Aww, okay, okay… Is it...a new bow? That was actually something I considered, actually... HISAO: Buuut, given how much that red bow suits you, I didn't want to mess with that. Besides, I don't really know your style very well, truth be told. SAYORI: Well, for future reference, I like blue! Ehe~ HISAO: A blue bow would go really well with your eyes. Which would make you look even prettier. SAYORI: ...! ...You're really sweet, do you know that? HISAO: I'm serious, Sayori. You know, I don't think I've ever told you this, but you're beautiful. SAYORI: Uwa- Your eyes especially. And the way your hair falls over your face, the way your smile lights up a room… How you can make my day better just be being there… Everything that I've been wanting to say to her over the past few weeks is finally tumbling out of my mouth. It's not like me to be a romantic, at all. I don't know where these words are coming from, but they just feel so right to say. HISAO: I don't think I've ever told you just how much you mean to me. Our faces inch closer, and I can feel her warm breath on my skin. (Silence) There's silence in the room, broken only by my voice, which has lowered to a whisper. HISAO: And I know that our history has been a little inconsistent, but to be honest… You're here now. We're here now, and that's all I care about. She looks at me with a nervous anticipation and coos slightly, eyes shining with bliss. With my heart hammering, I'm aware of what's about to happen. We both lean forward - wow, is this really about to happ- (Doorbell Sound) Both of our eyes shoot open, and I'm a hundred percent sure that the immense pang of disappointment that I'm feeling is mutual. Why now, of all times? With a heavy sigh, I reluctantly pull myself away from Sayori and head to the door. 22. Your Festivity - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  HISAO: Hey, guys. MONIKA: Hisao! Let's get this party started, shall we?  NATSUKI: So this is your house, huh? HISAO: Technically it's my parents', actually. She pulls an unimpressed face. NATSUKI: Very funny. YURI: You keep it in good condition, Hisao. Just like how I remembered it. SAYORI: Huh? You've been here before, Yuri? Sayori shoots me an inquisitive look, and for some reason I'm hit with the urge to hastily explain myself. HISAO: Yeah, Yuri and I went Secret Santa shopping together. Had to wrap our presents here. Man, did any of you guys struggle with that? Or was it just me being an idiot? Natsuki mutters something under her breath. MONIKA: Aha, no, I didn't find it too easy either. NATSUKI: Pffft, speak for yourselves, guys. It was a walk in the park. YURI: Such confidence, Natsuki. Why don't you go first, then? NATSUKI: Urk- As much as I like Natsuki, it's always darkly satisfying when she gets knocked down a peg or two. Especially when it comes from someone as calm and shy as Yuri. Natsuki nervously looks around. NATSUKI: W-Well, is everyone even ready to share? SAYORI: Of course!~ MONIKA: Come on Natsuki, who did you have? There's a playful smirk playing on her lips. NATSUKI: Ugh, okay… Anyway, I couldn't wrap it...well, for obvious reasons, duh. She pulls out what looks like some kind of plant from her bag. NATSUKI: It's for you, Yuri. YURI: Uhm...a plant? NATSUKI: Y-Yeah… It's a peace lily. And I did some research on them. They're really good at improving air quality. Don't really know how, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I thought it'd suit you because they're supposedly good for boosting your concentration. I know you like to read a lot, and these plants are apparently really good at helping you focus and calming you down. Oh, and they're super easy to take care of, as well. YURI: Y-You...got this, for me? NATSUKI: Unless there's another Yuri in the room, yeah. Why? Don't you...like it? YURI: N-No, it's not that! I'm just...well, it's just such a thoughtful gift. You're right - it would make for the perfect environment to sit down and read in. Not only would it help me when I write poetry… But it would also make a wonderful addition to my bedroom. Thank you ever so much, Natsuki. It means a lot. NATSUKI: It's just a plant, sheesh… But for what it's worth, I'm glad you like it, Yuri. Merry Christmas and all that. Ah, there it is. That merry festive spirit. It's so nice to see Yuri and Natsuki getting along so well, even after their fights and differences. Natsuki's gift took me by surprise. I didn't know she was so thoughtful...guess she does have a heart after all, eh? MONIKA: I'll give it to you Natsuki, that was a pretty good gift. You've raised the bar pretty high. Anyway, I guess I'll go next. This is for you, Natsuki. As she pulls out her gift, the expression on Natsuki's face transforms from thinly disguised indifference to genuine shock. NATSUKI: Is that a… MONIKA: Spice rack? Yup. Comes with a bunch of spices, too. Anyway, I figured this could be handy, given how much you're into culinary stuff. I wasn't sure what spices to get you, but luckily these came with some with the rack itself. And if I remember correctly, I think these three are… Fennel, thyme, and one more. Those names probably mean more to you than they do to me, aha. Merry Christmas. NATSUKI: Geez, this… It looks like it cost a lot! Monika dismisses her objection with a wave. MONIKA: Eh, money is money. Don't worry about it. NATSUKI: I… She swallows and composes herself. Thanks, Monika. She looks at the floor. NATSUKI: That's...really nice of you. MONIKA: All good, Nat. Anyway, who's next? Yuri bashfully reaches into her bag. YURI: This is for you, Monika. She hands her the small box we wrapped together. MONIKA: Ooh, wrapped as well? You really did go the extra mile. She unwraps the box, revealing the beautiful fountain pen within. YURI: Pardon me if I misjudged… However, I noticed that you do a lot of writing, whether that be for your poems, or in your planner. I found this pen to be beautiful, and it writes really well. MONIKA: And it comes with a bottle of ink, too! Very traditional, Yuri. I should’ve guessed you’d opt for something like this. You’re right though, it is a very ornate pen. She picks it up, gently rolling it through her fingers. MONIKA: Has a really nice weight to it. Thank you, Yuri! Your timing is pretty good - I was running out of ink with my old pen. YURI: Ah, you’re most welcome, Monika. I’m glad you like it. I was tempted to go for something musical. Something to do with the piano. But I wasn’t sure what sort of things you were learning with the instrument, so I figured a pen was a safer bet. Monika loads the pen with ink and gives it a test run. MONIKA: Writes really well! Where did you get this? I’m tempted to visit the shop myself at some point. YURI: Ah, just a shop in town. Just be mindful not to press too hard, as it’s really easy for the ink to flow too much. The last thing you'd want is a puddle of ink... MONIKA: Duly noted, aha. HISAO: Wait, hang on. Going by the process of elimination… Sayori, did we get each other? SAYORI: Well, we are the only ones left, so...I think we did, yeah! HISAO: Do you want to go first? SAYORI: Here you go!~ She hands me a medium sized, rectangular object, wrapped in snow themed wrapping paper. HISAO: Let me guess - a book? All because I joined the Literature Club, eh? Oh wow- I definitely did not expect to see a younger version of myself, smiling up at me. SAYORI: I wasn't really sure what to get you… My first thought was a game, but I'm not sure what you're into, so… I thought I'd go for a more sentimental pick! This is one of my favorite pictures of us when we were kids, so I thought giving you my favorite memory would be a good idea! HISAO: I remember this day! It was when our parents took us to the fair, and we got you that giant cow plushie! SAYORI: Yeah! That's the one! I look fondly at the photo. We're both standing side by side, with the cow sitting below us. An impossibly huge grin is on both of our faces. The cow wasn't much shorter than we were, back then. HISAO: Remind me never to make fun of your ability to pick out a fantastic present, Sayori. This is super thoughtful. YURI: The frame itself is a lovely touch, as well. NATSUKI: Yeah, it's cute. HISAO: Anyway, I just hope my gift can stack up to yours, Sayori. Here you go. SAYORI: ... Are these...bottles? HISAO: Yup! But as you can see, there's also colored lights inside them. Hang on, lemme flip the lights off so you can see what I mean.  There's a collective 'ooooh' as the darkness brings out the lights' true potential. Against the blackness, the reds, blues, greens and yellows flair to life. It feels a bit strange speaking into the darkness - especially when I can't see Sayori's reaction, though. HISAO: Anyway, I got this as a...well, a reference, I guess, to your Bottles poem. I couldn't help but notice that the bottles represented your happy thoughts. Each light in these bottles are basically a happy memory, a happy thought, that I've shared with you. Obviously I've got more than four happy memories with you, but I couldn't exactly buy a hundred bottles, haha. Anyway, this is gonna sound really cheesy, but… All of a sudden, I'm grateful that we're in the dark, as it makes it much easier to really speak my mind. HISAO: You're my happy thought, Sayori. A-And I just wanted to give you something that you could keep, as a reminder of that. Merry Christmas. I flick the light back on.  NATSUKI: Geez, you two need to get a room. HISAO: Haha, sorry. Had to be said. SAYORI: Hisao, this is… Such a sweet present. I think it's the best gift I've ever had.
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May 26, 2022 23:41
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We sure have gotten a lot of Yuri scenes in Act 2. Bit surprised, since we locked her out so hard in Act 1. Wonder if that's tied to the route we're on or if it was just because we hung out with Yuri at lunch towards the start; maybe if we'd passed on her we would have found Natsuki or something.
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May 27, 2022 22:50
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quote:I mean, what exactly can you do with a pen? Aside from writing? quote:The last thing you'd want is a puddle of ink... They really like their references to the canon timeline
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May 28, 2022 10:49
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KennyMan666 posted:Heh Yuri also mentioned Monika recently gaining greater appreciation for rap. That comes from one of the random "conversations" in the part where she fully hijacked the game.
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May 28, 2022 17:16
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rannum posted:We sure have gotten a lot of Yuri scenes in Act 2. Bit surprised, since we locked her out so hard in Act 1. Wonder if that's tied to the route we're on or if it was just because we hung out with Yuri at lunch towards the start; maybe if we'd passed on her we would have found Natsuki or something. The game doesn’t track anything between acts (as far as I’m aware). The writers just decided to have Yuri show up a lot. I think this kind of gap is common here; you may have noticed Act 1 assumed we’d seen Yuri read all of her poems.
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May 29, 2022 22:21
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Update 24: Just remember, this is all my choice. No one is forcing me to make it. 26. Simplicities - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  YURI: Indeed, it truly embodies thoughtfulness. I knew it was an excellent choice the very first moment you suggested it. MONIKA: I'll give you credit, Hisao. You can really tell that you two have been best friends for a while. My cheeks redden as I hear all of their praise. I was hoping the present would be well received, sure, but I wasn't expecting everyone to be so impressed. HISAO: Ahaha, you guys… Anyway. Now that all of the present sharing is over, does anyone wanna play something? MONIKA: What did you have in mind? HISAO: Err...well, there are some video games that are multiplayer, and I think I have some board games lying around? There's uh...Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, Cluedo, uh...some others, hang on… NATSUKI: You really do live a wild lifestyle, you know that? HISAO: Hey, I did suggest video games, but none of you seemed that interested. NATSUKI: Exactly my point… Yuri quickly interjects. YURI: I-I think Trivial Pursuit could be fun… SAYORI: Yeah! That way we get to see how smart you really are, Yuri. MONIKA: Sure, we can give it a go. You're on, Yuri. YURI: Uuu...I'm not really into competition… NATSUKI: Ugh, fine. There better be some questions on manga, though. An hour in, and it's very clear that the game is clearly between Yuri and Monika, who are roughly neck and neck. Everyone's been enjoying it though, even Natsuki. Although she tries to act like the whole thing is boring her, I can tell she's having fun. Currently, it's Sayori's turn. SAYORI: The color pink? Oh, the entertainment category. 'The 90's video game characters Banjo and Kazooie are what two animals?' Ooh, I should know this one! HISAO: Yeah, I swear we've played it together when we were kids. SAYORI: Can you give me a hint? HISAO: Sorry. You'll just have to grin and bear it. She pouts, clearly missing the cleverly concealed hint. NATSUKI: Well, what are the choices? SAYORI: Umm...a bear and a bird, a lizard and a bat, or a gorilla and a monkey. I can't remember! I'm gonna go with the bear and bird! Ooh, yay! I got it right! I totally knew that... HISAO: If you got it wrong we wouldn't be friends. SAYORI: Hey! MONIKA: Let's see what I get… Huh, literature… 'In the Japanese story [url= https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spider%27s_Thread]The Spider's Thread[/url], why was Kandata unable to escape Hell using the spider web? The web was an illusion, other prisoners were also trying to use the web to escape, or the Devil cut the web before Kandata could break free. Nothing like an easy question, huh? I remember reading this story a very long time ago... ... This is really going to bother me if I don't get it right. ... It's B. She flips the card over. MONIKA: A-ha! I knew it. Another point to me~ NATSUKI: Pfft, nerd. MONIKA: Knowledge is power, Natsuki~ Natsuki mumbles something under her breath. NATSUKI: Anyway, if I get another geography question I'm gonna flip. What does blue mean again? YURI: Ah… NATSUKI: Don't say it's geography. HISAO: Okay, it's not geography. She rolls her eyes. NATSUKI: It is, isn't it? Her eyebrows furrow as she reads the question. 'What's the capital of Australia?' Sydney, Adelaide or Canberra. YURI: Don't most people get this one wrong? MONIKA: Mmmhm, along with Canada. Most people think it's Toronto or Vancouver. NATSUKI: Ugh, now I get the feeling this is a trick question… Like, I've heard of Sydney and Adelaide, and I would've picked one of those two… To hell with it, I'm gonna go with Canberra. ... Oh, that's right. Well, that was easy. SAYORI: I thought it was Adelaide, to be honest. HISAO: I would've picked Sydney. Who's the nerd now, Natsuki? NATSUKI: Shut up. YURI: Hmm… Science one, eh? 'Which of these arteries is a major artery of the forearm and wrist?' Carotid, radial, femoral. Ah, I know this one. I'm fairly certain it's the radial… SAYORI: Yeah, the carotid is in the neck! HISAO: How'd you know that? SAYORI: Because I pay attention in biology, silly! Why does everyone think I'm an idiot or something… Wawawa- HISAO: Prove that you're not an idiot by winning, eh? SAYORI: Why don't you! NATSUKI: She got you there, Hisao. HISAO: Can't really dispute that… A couple of hours have passed since the end of the board game. A comfortable, lazy atmosphere has settled upon the room; the kind where no one can be bothered to do much after eating a hefty meal. As the night wore on, the general conversation topics have grown a little more mellow and reflective. We're all lounging in the living room. Sayori is next to me, and I'm fighting the urge to cuddle up to her. I don't know if she wants to tell everyone that we're together, yet. As I'm trying to figure out a way to talk to her in private, she suddenly springs up and whispers in Monika's ear. Both girls glance in my direction as Monika giggles. Both of them get up and head over to the kitchen, whispering conspiratorially to one another. The strange change of behavior causes me to raise an eyebrow. HISAO: Err- What are you two doing? MONIKA: Oh, you'll find out soon~ I glance over to Natsuki and Yuri, but both are holding a poker face. Well, as good a poker face as they can manage, that is. HISAO: Either of you guys know what's going on? NATSUKI: Oh, he's so gonna mess this up. YURI: Natsuki! Don't be so rude… NATSUKI: What? Come on, this is gonna be so funny. HISAO: You guys know I'm literally sitting right here, right? Yuri shoots me a sympathetic look. YURI: I would tell you, but I've been told not to. It'll ruin the surprise. HISAO: Can everyone drop this Illuminati stuff and just tell me what's got into- MONIKA: Hisao, can you come here?  HISAO: Man, I don't know what was in the food we just ate, but it's making you all act super weird. Monika steps away from us, shooting Sayori a wink as she does so. MONIKA: Look up, Hisao. Half expecting some sort of cryptic hint on the ceiling, I oblige. Oh. Oh no. Is that- Is that...mistletoe? Mistletoe that, earlier, I'm fairly certain was not there. And I'm fully aware of what you're meant to do under it. As Sayori shuffles over to me, my heart starts pounding once more. It was nerve wracking enough when it was just us two earlier. HISAO: You set this up with the girls, didn't you? A poorly disguised look of innocence on Sayori's face tells me all I need to know. HISAO: I should've seen this coming… What a time to forget how crafty you can be, Sayori. She's standing right in front of me now, expectancy clearly visible on her features. MONIKA: Do you want us to look away? Ahahah~ Only a distant, faraway part of me registers Monika's voice. Right now, the only thing I'm truly focused on is the beautiful girl in front of me. Actually no, that's a lie. The most important thing I'm focusing on right now is how not to mess this up. All of those thoughts go out of the window as Sayori's lips finally meet mine.  And in that moment, nothing else matters. I sigh contentedly, pulling her closer to me. One of my hands caresses the back of her head, while the other gently cups her face. Nothing could've prepared me for this moment. I'm drinking her in; lost in the sensation of her lips on mine and her warm, soft hands linked around the back of my neck. All of the fears I had about messing this up melt away as the kiss progresses. I have no clue what I'm doing, but from how good this feels, and how blissful Sayori seems to be… I think it's safe to say it's working. ... Eventually, we break away. It's impossible to tell how long that kiss went on for. Seconds? Minutes? Years? As I open my eyes, Sayori's beautiful face fills my vision. There's such a tender, heartfelt look in her eyes that I've never seen before. SAYORI: Ehehe… Oh, that adorable giggle. NATSUKI: Sheesh, you two. MONIKA: Ahaha, I knew it! Natsuki rolls her eyes. NATSUKI: Duh, wasn't it super obvious when Sayori asked us to bring the mistletoe? MONIKA: No, I mean ever since Hisao joined the club, I had a gut feeling they liked each other. Childhood sweethearts, eh? That almost sounds like a trope. YURI: The way you two spoke about one another...it was ever so endearing. I'm happy for you two. NATSUKI: Yeah, congrats and all. Just keep the mushy stuff outside the club, okay? I grin weakly. HISAO: I'll do my best. MONIKA: Anyway, it's getting late. I think it's time we leave these lovebirds to it! She nudges Yuri. YURI: O-Oh, yes, of course. Thank you for hosting the party, Hisao. It was really enjoyable. NATSUKI: Yeah, it was. Just make sure you use protection, okay? YURI: Natsuki (At the same time) MONIKA: Natsuki! NATSUKI: Kidding, kidding! Geez…  There's a moment of silence. ... SAYORI: Hisao... HISAO: What's up? She bites her lip, looking away. There's traces of anxiety on her face. SAYORI: Can I ask you something that might sound a bit...weird? HISAO: Uh...sure? SAYORI: Was it okay for us to...kiss? HISAO: I mean, wasn't the mistletoe idea yours? SAYORI: I know, I know...it's just...well, my heart is telling me that this all okay, but my brain telling me... SAYORI: Well, it's being a bit of a meanie. This...was the right choice, right? Sorry, I know this might sound really sudden... I just...I didn't want to say anything while the others were here. Sorry, it's just still so confusing... I take her hands in mine and tilt her head so our eyes meet. HISAO: Look, Sayori. Why are you feeling like this was the wrong decision? SAYORI: It's just...it's kinda hard for me to stop believing that I'm not worth your love and your attention... And the last thing I want to do is drag you down and have you waste your time on someone like me... But at the same time, I'm trying to stay hopeful and listen to my heart, which is telling me that's it's okay to go for what I want... HISAO: Well, did you enjoy the kiss? Because I don't know about you, but I really...really enjoyed it. She blushes. SAYORI: I did, yeah. ...You're a good kisser~ HISAO: Well, I've never been happier. Whenever you're around, I'm always in better spirits. We both want each other, and we're both happy with each other, so how can this be the wrong decision, Sayori? I don't really know for sure, but I'm guessing this is the depression trying to tell you you're not allowed to be happy. Of course you are. Don't worry, Sayori, we'll get through this together. Just remember, this is all my choice. No one is forcing me to make it. She pauses for a moment, reflecting on my words. I just hope I've managed to get through to her... SAYORI: Okay. Thanks, Hisao. I guess you're right... I'll try to remember that. Oh, by the way... Sorry for putting you on the spot when the others were around, ehe~ HISAO: Oh, I bet you were enjoying that, haha. It's alright. I got to kiss you, so it more than made up for it. SAYORI: That was...really nice, wasn't it? HISAO: I think I'd enjoy kissing you a lot more without three people watching. SAYORI: Weeeeell… They're all gone, so do yo-mmmm! Without even waiting for her to finish the question, I kiss her again. Oh man, this is something I could definitely get used to. As it's just the two of us, the kiss feels...a lot more personal. And that's absolutely fine by me. HISAO: Merry Christmas, Sayori. With our faces only inches apart, she playfully nuzzles my nose with her own, laughing. Holding her this close, being able to hear her heartbeat, feeling her warm breath on my face, hearing her whisper… SAYORI: Thank you for everything, Hisao. Merry Christmas to you, too. Although this feels like absolute bliss, a part of me can't help but wonder what I'm getting myself into. It would be naive to think that everything would be sunshine and rainbows from here on out, no matter how strongly we feel for each other. Will we really be okay together? Perhaps there's no sense in worrying about the future so much... Maybe it'll just be best to take each day as they come. After all, there's only one way to find out... END OF ACT 2
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May 31, 2022 01:27
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Awww. 
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May 31, 2022 01:59
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My little town of Canberra getting a mention? In *anything*? That's a real Christmas miracle.
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May 31, 2022 08:58
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SoundwaveAU posted:My little town of Canberra getting a mention? In *anything*? That's a real Christmas miracle. Canberra gets destroyed by the local Kaiju equivalent in Worm 
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Jun 1, 2022 01:04
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TBH not a bad art asset of two people kissing, I've seen worse from professional products. Hisao really talks like a romantic sometimes which makes me cringe a little because I'm p sure I've said and thought poo poo like that and oh no.
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Jun 1, 2022 01:06
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I have to admit I'm always a bit put off by the "surprise mistletoe" trope, since it's effectively using social pressure to coerce someone into a kiss. Clearly Hisao is into it here, but, well, Sayori couldn't have known for certain he would be. Or, say, that he'd be okay with doing so in front of their friends, some people have boundaries about things like that. (This feels quite a bit like a microcosm of the issues with things like public marriage proposals.) Someone has to be the "let's beat dead horses about consent" person, I guess, so why not me.
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Jun 1, 2022 01:31
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In this I think the intent is Sayori had enough of a read on Hisao to know he'd be down for it. In contrast I think that if, say, Hisao had done this for Yuri it'd probably be more of a no-go. And probably would've gotten pushback from the other members of the club and offering to do something more private.
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Jun 1, 2022 17:34
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Not sure why there needs to be an act 3 to this story. Unless the game's going to try and have them treat her depression im not sure what's left to do.
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Jun 1, 2022 22:50
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Namtab posted:Not sure why there needs to be an act 3 to this story. Unless the game's going to try and have them treat her depression im not sure what's left to do. I think there's probably some merit to showing how they're dealing with stuff after going out for a while, as opposed to just starting out. Promises have been made, can they continue the follow through or deal with another low point, stuff like that.
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Jun 1, 2022 23:07
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Namtab posted:Not sure why there needs to be an act 3 to this story. Unless the game's going to try and have them treat her depression im not sure what's left to do. We have to get through the rest of the school year in theory, and it's a good way to explore what Hisao and Sayori's relationship will be like now. There's a huge difference between wanting to be in a relationship and actually being in one after all.
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Jun 2, 2022 00:18
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