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SoundwaveAU posted:My little town of Canberra getting a mention? In *anything*? That's a real Christmas miracle.   Hey, another I do sometimes wonder how many people outside Australia think that Sydney is the capital. I guess it does make for a decent trivia question if you're not Australian!
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Jun 2, 2022 11:41
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Update 25: Romeo himself has arrived. 7. Free Time - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST Most people typically see January as a pretty dreary month. January blues, I think it's called. With the cold weather, the gray skies, the end of the Christmas holidays… Yeah, I can see it. Not this January, though. I haven't been able to get Sayori's kiss out of my mind. It's hard to believe she's actually my girlfriend now… And just four months ago, we hadn't spoken in years. Joining the club, discovering Sayori's feelings for me, and… Well, finding out about her depression. if feelings: The whole thing has just been so unexpected. Still, there's a few days left of the Christmas break, and I know exactly how I want to spend them. After shooting Sayori a text, I make my way over.   SAYORI: What magical adventures are we gonna go on today, Hisao?  HISAO: I'm glad you asked that, Sayori! Today, we're going to go to a magical, snowy wonderland. Expect it to be a wild journey! Filled with uh...snow, snowballs and err...festive lights! She looks at me for a moment before bursting out laughing. SAYORI: Oh, you're so silly sometimes… HISAO: Hey, it's not like you could come up with good imagery on the spot… SAYORI: 4cxa Try me! HISAO: Okay then, I will. Let's see what you can come up with, Miss Literary Expert. She thinks for a moment. SAYORI: We're going to go on a bold, daring venture, to a place brimming with magical lights, pristine snow and frozen, icy fractals! ... HISAO: You know what? I know when I'm beat. Sayori grins with pride, puffing her chest out proudly. HISAO: Although I bet you don't even know what half of those words mean. Did Yuri lend you a thesaurus? I expected my jibe to earn a pout from her, but she stands firm. SAYORI: 2cxa Don't be jealous that you'll never stack up to the Ice Queen! HISAO: Pffft, Ice Queen? Bold words from someone whose hands get cold super easily… Especially when this person accidentally leaves her gloves at home… That got her. SAYORI: Meanie. You can never let me win… I slide up close to her and plant a kiss on her nose. HISAO: You love it really. Although the pout tells me otherwise, there's no denying that red blush creeping onto her cheeks. 26. Simplicities - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  HISAO: By the way, for your Secret Santa, who did you go shopping with? SAYORI: Natsuki! HISAO: That must've been an awkward afternoon. SAYORI: It wasn't, actually! It's rare that I get to see Natsuki outside of the club, so it was a really nice day out together. HISAO: Girl's day out, eh? SAYORI: You could say that! She helped me out a lot when it came to picking a present for you. HISAO: Tut tut. Couldn't even think of a present for me without some outside help? SAYORI: You're the one who admitted it was hard at the Christmas party~ Checkmate! HISAO: Since when was your memory that good? No fair… SAYORI: The Ice Queen never forgets! She laughs as I roll my eyes.  Lesser known fact about depression: depressive episodes inhibit memory formation. Something about the chemical imbalance makes your memory spottier, leaving odd gaps and even missing time; people have been known to claw their way out of depressive episodes to realize they only remember snatches of the last few weeks or months, while even mild depression can leave you struggling to remember things or keep your schedule in order. If Sayori was still need-deep in her depression like she was a few updates ago, she probably wouldn’t be able to quote something someone said in passing weeks ago. While depressive episodes are chemical in nature, speaking from experience they’re usually triggered, exacerbated, and alleviated by the ups and downs of your life – and let me tell you, entering your first relationship with someone you like can trigger one hell of an upswing. This offhanded comment quietly signals just how much better she’s doing right now to us. HISAO: You really like that self-appointed title, don't you? It doesn't even make sense. You hate the cold! SAYORI: Does it bother you? Should I...let it go? HISAO: I can't believe you just did that. She giggles sweetly, playfulness laced in her laugh. SAYORI: Anyway, she was really stuck on what to get Yuri. There were the obvious choices, like a new pen, a book, or something to do with tea… She was considering getting her one of those, but she said she wanted to go for something that wasn't so obvious. ...She can be really thoughtful when she wants to be. HISAO: Yeah, I got that impression. The look on Yuri's face...man, she really wasn't expecting the lily at all. HISAO: I'd have thought Natsuki would've just got her a horror book and be done with it. SAYORI: Well, that's the thing - Natsuki said she likes to surprise people! Once you get past her prickly side, she really has a big heart. HISAO: Not exactly hard to have a big heart when you're that small though, is it? SAYORI: Hisao! HISAO: It's a joke, it's a joke… Although please don't tell her I said that. SAYORI: Hmm… Only if you buy me chocolate! HISAO: That doesn't sound so b- SAYORI: And maaaybe some cookies… HISAO: Anything else? A back massage, a Ferrari, perhaps a holiday cruise to the Caribbean as well? SAYORI: Well now that you mention it- HISAO: You'd be so lucky.  HISAO: What're you gonna have, Sayori? SAYORI: Hmm… Her eyes whizz over the menu. Given the abundance of cakes, buns and other sweet foods, I'm not expecting her to reply anytime this decade. HISAO: Cinnamon buns again? SAYORI: No, actually! I think I'm gonna try the sponge cake. It looks so soft and delicious! The genuine excitement on her face is so endearing to see. And to think a girl this adorable is mine… After giving our order to a waiter, I can't help but reach across the table and take her hands in mine. She looks a little surprised initially, but soon rubs my hands with her fingers, smiling shyly. HISAO: You know, that's something I've always loved about you. How adorable you are. SAYORI: Huh? HISAO: Like even right now. You're getting really flustered, aren't you? SAYORI: M-Me? No? Wawawa… HISAO: It took me a while to realize my feelings for you. Ever since that tickle fight we had, back in September… I remember seeing a look in your eyes. We were in a really...well, awkward position, and you looked at me with a look I'd never seen before. SAYORI: Yeah, I remember that moment… I had no idea how to react… It was the first time we'd spent time together outside of school in a while. I was really happy that day. HISAO: Me too. I guess that was the first day my feelings for you began to bloom. And over the months, those feelings grew stronger. You gave me a bit of food once, and your hands brushed against mine. I remember thinking about how soft your hands felt… It took me totally off guard. SAYORI: Ah! So that's why you zoned out! I was wondering why you looked like you were in a trance. HISAO: I wasn't the greatest at covering my tracks, was I? And you smell really nice, too… I remember letting that slip when we were carving pumpkins. SAYORI: That doesn't really make any sense...I hadn't I dunno, maybe it's just your natural scent then? Man, that makes me sound like a real caveman, doesn't it? SAYORI: At least you're a very handsome caveman. Now it's my turn to go red. Finding my weak spot, Sayori grins and opens her mouth, no doubt eager to watch me flail for a change. Thankfully her moment of opportunity is interrupted by the waiter bringing us our food. Another huge smile appears on her face as the cake is put in front of her. It's really not hard to put a smile on her face, is it? Watching her eat it is a sight to behold. It's almost like she's inhaling it, straight into the bottomless pit that is her stomach. SAYORI: What's the matter, Hisao? Compliments making you turn red? Ehehe~ You know, it was really cute seeing how nervous you were when you warmed up my hands. You were stuttering and everything. And something tells me it wasn't because of the cold! HISAO: Guilty as charged… My master plan worked. I should've known it was all a ruse… Then again, I got to hold hands with you, so aren't we both winners? SAYORI: ...Don't take my victory away from me, meanie. HISAO: Not taking it away from you. Just sharing it. Is that so wrong? I stick my tongue out at her. HISAO: I'll give you credit, though. The mistletoe plan was pretty flawless. I had absolutely no clue it was coming. SAYORI: That was so much fun to plan with the girls~ Yuri felt bad, but Natsuki and Monika were all for it. You looked absolutely terrified when you saw the mistletoe~ HISAO: Well duh… It was nerve wracking enough when we almost kissed before the others arrived… And then I had to do it with three other people watching? That plan almost backfired on you, though. s Huh? Well, it was your first kiss too, right? Oh, yeah… Although I had advice from Monika, beforehand! HISAO: On how to kiss someone? SAYORI: Yep! I didn't know you were meant to close your eyes... I stare at her. HISAO: Even I knew that. I bet Monika had to teach you a lot, didn't she? SAYORI: ...I'm not legally obliged to answer that. I burst out into laughter. SAYORI: Hey! HISAO: Sorry, sorry, ahaha...I'm just trying to picture how that conversation went down. Did you ask Monika how to kiss someone? Or where you're meant to put your hands while you do it? SAYORI: No, I didn't. I kinda wanted to, though… I had no idea what to do, to be honest...and I was scared that I'd mess it up... You know, it being your first kiss and all… And the more I thought about it, the worst I felt that I put you in a really awkward situation… HISAO: It's really okay - I enjoyed the kiss, after all. Plus it was my first one as well, so I was hardly a pro. SAYORI: Really? Really really. And you know what they say… Practice makes perfect, right? SAYORI: Very smooth, Hisao.  An hour or so later, we've both wound up in my living room. I'm lying on the sofa with Sayori cuddled up next to me. Content as can be. SAYORI: You know… Now that we're actually together...what are we meant to do? HISAO: I have no clue. You're my first girlfriend, after all. SAYORI: Don't get me wrong… It's really nice to just cuddle up together! But when you think about what couples do together, what comes to mind? I have to pause and actually think about this. HISAO: Uh...like, go on dates? Which I guess we technically just did, at the cafe? Sorry, Sayori, I'm really just as clueless as you are. SAYORI: That's alright! I guess we do have all the time in the world to figure it out. HISAO: To be honest, I'm perfectly happy just to cuddle up together. Just being with you, no matter what we're doing, makes me happy. SAYORI: Aww… That's how I feel with you too, actually. HISAO: Does that mean I can cancel the romantic getaway to Paris, then? She pokes me in the side. SAYORI: But France is the romance capital of the world! HISAO: How much money have you got to spare, Sayori? SAYORI: ...Does that include pocket money I spent years ago? HISAO: Yeah, sure. SAYORI: Maybe negative two hundred yen, then. HISAO: Well unless the planes are operated by really tired hamsters, I don't think we'll be going to France anytime soon. SAYORI: I really want a hamster. HISAO: Why? SAYORI: What do you mean why? To pet! HISAO: What would you call it? SAYORI: Stuart. HISAO: Why? 'Cause of that movie? SAYORI: Yep! HISAO: You know that Stuart Little was a mouse and not a hamster, right? SAYORI: Eh, what's the difference? HISAO: Hamsters taste nicer. SAYORI: ... Is it bad that that actually made me laugh? HISAO: It means your humor is like mine. So take that as you will. SAYORI: That's definitely not a good thing, then. HISAO: Don't make me push you off the couch. SAYORI: You wouldn't dare! HISAO: Oh? I've had a better idea. I sit up, and without hesitating begin to tickle her mercilessly. The effect is instant - Sayori immediately begins squirming and laughing uncontrollably. SAYORI: O-oh n-no, n-not this agaiiiin ahahahahah! Ahahahah that's s-sooo unfair ahahah you didn't e-even give me a ch-chance! HISAO: If I remember correctly, last time it was you who initiated, so here's a taste of your own medicine. She's writhing on the couch, blue eyes shimmering with tears from her involuntary laughter. SAYORI: Okay okay I'm ahahaha sorry f-for what I said about y-your humor, ahaha please just st-stop! As I'm a merciful soul, I abate ever so slightly, just to give her a chance to catch her breath. Bad move. Sayori lunges forward, pinning me beneath her. This bout of unexpected dexterity totally catches me off guard, and with a flump, my body sinks into the opposite end of the couch. She wastes no time in dishing out some cold revenge, and within seconds my laughter and squirming has replaced hers entirely. HISAO: O-Oh drat, I did no-not expect you to ahahaha be able to do that… She brings her face closer to mine, making sure I can see how smug she is. Which actually gives me an idea. Darting forward, I plant a desperate kiss on her lips. Unlike with our previous kisses, this time my tongue is involved - slowly pressing against her top lip. The effect is immediate. Her hands go from trying to tickle me to slowly linking around the back of my head. My mind is going wild, trying to process exactly what's going on. I only intended for the kiss to distract her, but it's ignited some kind of urge in both of us. Her body feels so warm against mine, and with a sudden jolt I'm very aware of a part of Sayori - namely two parts - that are pressed up against my chest. Needless to say, the atmosphere is completely charged. Neither of us know how to react. The silence continues on, with each passing second feeling like hours. We have the house to ourselves, her body is pressed on top of mine, and there's some kind of primal instinct stirring within the both of us… I open my eyes. HISAO: ...Sayori? She hastily climbs off me. SAYORI: Sorry… HISAO: Sorry, I didn't mean to uh… SAYORI: It's okay, it's okay...it just...kinda happened, ehe... HISAO: Yeah… SAYORI: Anyway… I had a lot of fun today, Hisao! It's a shame school starts tomorrow, though… HISAO: I was hoping you wouldn't remind me, ugh. And we'll be getting the results of our December exams back… January could go one of two ways. SAYORI: We'll be fine! I think. HISAO: Only one way to find out. Anyway, it's getting late. Want me to walk you home? SAYORI: Sure! 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  8. Student at Heart - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  And here we are, back in class. Man, the holidays really whizzed by in a flash. Seeing Sayori in the mornings really makes a huge difference to how I perceive the school day. Am I a morning person now? Maybe she really is my sunshine… Just like her poem. She's really made me mushy, hasn't she? Wonder what Mom would think… ???: Psst! HISAO: Morning, Emi. Good Christmas break?  EMI: So? Did it work? HISAO: Huh? EMI: Sayori, duh! Are you guys together yet? HISAO: Going straight in, I see. EMI: Weeeeell? Are you? HISAO: Yeah, we are. EMI: I knew it! Are you goi-  SAKURAI: Well, I think that's everyone! As the last student makes their way to their desk, Sakurai puts down the register and stands at the front of the class. SAKURAI: Hope everyone had a good break! There's a weak, lukewarm murmur. SAKURAI: Ah come on, guys. You've got it easy. Your exams were before the break! I used to teach at a school that had January exams. At least they had a reason to be so unenthusiastic about returning. Anyone get anything cool for Christmas? EMI: Yeah, Mom finally caved and got me this new pair of running sneakers. SAKURAI: Practical, for sure. A friend of mine got me a...plant. I'm not sure what it is about me screams 'flower man' but hey, life's full of surprises. Anyway, given I was supposed to start the lesson five minutes ago, let's begin, shall we? 6. Play With Us - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST Normally, I'd eat outside when it comes to lunchtime. Given how cold it's gotten recently, the outdoors doesn't particularly appeal to me right now. A lot of students opt to just eat in their homeroom, especially as the temperatures drop outside. The clubroom is also a viable choice, and luckily, is always free around lunch time. Over the Christmas break we suggested eating there in the clubroom, and despite Monika saying she couldn't make any promises, the decision was pretty much universally agreed on. With my stomach gurgling, I make my way over.  Yuri and Natsuki are already there by the time I arrive. While they're not exactly best friends or anything, their friendship is much less shaky than it was three months ago. I could tell that Natsuki's thoughtfulness really touched Yuri. HISAO: Hey guys.  NATSUKI: Romeo himself has arrived.  YURI: Natsuki… Afternoon, Hisao. HISAO: Monika's not here yet? NATSUKI: It's not much of a surprise, is it? You know, given how she has like five million extracurriculars going on. The door swings open and Sayori walks through, a cheery smile on her face. SAYORI: Hey! I'm so glad we all decided to eat together for lunchtimes! Looking back, I'm kinda surprised no one suggested it earlier… YURI: Well, it's a new year, and a new start. All we need now is M- Once again the door swings open and Monika waves at us, an apologetic smile on her face.  MONIKA: Sorry, sorry! I had so much stuff to sort out… My teacher was talking to me about university applications. NATSUKI: Already? But your second year of high school isn't even over yet! Monika sighs and wearily rubs her temples, pulling out her food. MONIKA: Yeah, I know. It's stressful, to say the least. Plus I’m getting the results of my December exams back soon. SAYORI: Don't worry, Monika! I'm sure you've done just fine. You worked so hard! YURI: I'd be inclined to agree. You're a model student, and I know how much effort you put into your studies. Monika smiles at their efforts, but doesn't look wholly convinced. Shadows of a lost route, eh? Like depression, just about any mental health issue will be exacerbated by stress. Whatever would’ve happened with Monika, we can see shades of it persist here. MONIKA: Oh, now that we're all here, I should tell you that we don't have a club meeting today. There wouldn't be much point, given none of us have any poems to share. We can hold a session tomorrow though, if you guys are interested? I know we didn't hold too many last semester, and that's on me, sorry...I had a lot going on. HISAO: Yeah, I'm down for a meeting tomorrow. I'm probably a little rusty, so this'll be a good chance to get back into it. I turn to Sayori. HISAO: We could write one together, if you like? I'm still not as good as you, so this could be a good way to learn. SAYORI: Oooh, that could be really fun! Tonight? HISAO: Yep. NATSUKI: Well that's the two lovebirds sorted. Works for me. Yuri also nods in agreement. MONIKA: Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow then. She finishes writing something down in her planner. I also notice that she's using the pen Yuri got her for Christmas. Judging by the shy smile on Yuri's face, it's safe to say she's also noticed. Monika suddenly stands up, swiftly packing away her food containers. YURI: Wait, you're leaving so soon? MONIKA: Yeah, I can't really stick around. Need to talk to my parents about the whole university thing. They've been hounding me ever since exam season started… Seeya guys later. HISAO: Free time is foreign for her, isn't it? YURI: She really has so much going on. I couldn't fathom being in her shoes - the stress would be too much. NATSUKI: Oh, those exams you have to take for university? I don't envy you guys in the slightest. YURI: Ah, well we don't take those exams until third year, but I think Monika has started her prep recently. HISAO: Yeah, joys of being a first year, Natsuki. Count yourself lucky because you'll be in Monika's shoes before you know it. Wonder how long it'll be until Sakurai starts asking me the same thing? The question lingers on my mind as the rest of the lunch break passes by. 7. Free Time - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  As the end of the school day arrives, I wander down the corridor towards Sayori's homeroom. Along the way, I spot Yuri leaving her own classroom. YURI: Hello again, Hisao. Uhm… Yuri looks away nervously, fiddling with a strand of hair. YURI: Y-You don't have to, of course, but… She stands there, struggling to find the right words. HISAO: What? YURI: If you'd like...w-would you like to walk home together? HISAO: Huh? You want to walk home with me? YURI: S-Sorry, it's a stupid suggestion, I d-don't know why I asked… HISAO: It's not like I didn't want to or anything, I just didn't expect you to ask, haha. YURI: A-Are you sure? I know you normally walk with Sayori, and I wouldn't want to intrude upon that or anything… HISAO: You're worrying for nothing, Yuri. Why would she mind? The more the merrier. It's cool. I was just on my way to go and find her now, so feel free to tag along. Soon after, I spot Sayori in the hallway. She looks curiously at Yuri trailing behind me.mc There you are. I give her daring peck on the lips, causing her to blush. SAYORI: H-Hey. HISAO: Ready to walk home? Yuri's gonna be joining us this time, if that's okay? YURI: I-I hope it's no bother… Surprise flashes across Sayori's features, gone as soon as it appeared. SAYORI: Oh! ... Sure, that's fine! Although… I can't come with you guys today. YURI: Oh? SAYORI: Uhm… My homeroom teacher wanted to talk to me about some stuff. So you two go ahead. I'll walk with you two tomorrow. HISAO: Are you sure? Pretty sure we can wait? Yuri nods in agreement. YURI: It's no bother. But Sayori shakes her head. SAYORI: No, there's no telling how long it'll go on for. Plus I think it might be a long discussion… I'll see you tomorrow. HISAO: Ah, okay then… Seeya soon. YURI: Bye, Sayori.  It's slightly strange walking home with Yuri. Nothing against her, of course, it's just I'd grown too used to Sayori being there instead. Although Yuri's still fairly shy, I've noticed that she's come out of her shell a little bit, especially since we went Christmas shopping together. HISAO: Not that I'm complaining or anything, but why did you want to walk home with me today? YURI: A-Ah, well… She looks away and sighs. YURI: It's just...not so easy. I don’t push it. If my fight with Sayori taught me anything, it's that you can never tell what demons people are internally battling. Given I still know very little about Yuri, it's definitely best to err on the side of caution. YURI: The Christmas period has always been...very family oriented, at least for me. For...for as long as I can remember, my parents used to put a lot of effort into making Christmas memorable. Especially in this country, the focus of Christmas is on spreading happiness. From what I read, Christmas is much more a festivity concerned with religion in western countries. But I digress… I haven't spent Christmas with my family in a while. HISAO: And if you don't mind me asking...why's that? Yuri looks away, picking at her sleeves. I've noticed that she tends to do that when she's upset or nervous. YURI: They...weren't around, this year. There's a pause. I feel like there's more to her answer, but again, instinct tells me not to push it. YURI: The Christmas period was very lonely, as you could imagine. Going shopping with you, exchanging gifts, playing with all of the club members… It truly was the highlight of December. Although...it was only temporary. When I got home, I took out the peace lily that Natsuki gave me. It was such a thoughtful gift, but it was also bittersweet. That would've been the type of present that my parents would've got me. So while it was lovely to receive the plant, it was a reminder that my parents weren't the ones to give it to me. HISAO: Hey, Yuri. I had no idea you were so lonely. If you'd told me this earlier, I'd have loved to spend time with you! I had a lot of fun when we did our Christmas shopping. You were really good company and gave really useful advice. YURI: Ah, well...you and Sayori are a couple, and the last thing I'd want to do would be to intrude on that… I wave her concern away. HISAO: Yuri, Sayori and I both like you. You're our friend! You've seen how Sayori makes it her top priority to ensure her friends are happy… It's not a problem at all. YURI: I'm sorry to bother you with my troubles like this… It's just that I couldn't really talk to the other two girls. Monika is constantly very busy, and Natsuki… Well, our friendship has definitely improved since you first saw us argue, but… HISAO: Not at a stage where you can be comfortable asking her to hang out? YURI: ...Yes. I've...I've always been quite solitary by nature, and while I enjoy time to myself, sometimes it would be...nice, to spend time with another person. Especially one as open minded and considerate as you. N-Not that I don't appreciate the other club members! It's just that...well, I haven't really spent a day with any of them where it's just us two. And...well, I think it's rather obvious that social etiquette isn't an area I excel in… HISAO: Hey, well I'm glad you're comfortable around me and able to tell me about all of this, Yuri. I know what it's like to be lonely. Last year - before I reconnected with Sayori and met all of you guys - I was pretty much alone, too. I mean, I had classmates, sure, but we never really spent time together outside of class. A lot of my free time was spent alone. And then my parents had a divorce, so that made it a lot worse… So yeah. I'd hate for someone else to go through that - especially someone who's this good a friend. I give her a quick hug. Based on the look on her face, it's safe to say that she definitely was not expecting it. YURI: ...Thank you, Hisao. It really means a lot to me. HISAO: Nothing to thank me for. It's what friends do. Anyway, what are you up to tonight? YURI: Well...given the semester has only just begun, I'm relatively free, as I don't have any homework to complete. I've also started this new book. It's very popular, so you may have heard of it as well. The story revolves around a group of children and their struggle against a supernatural, homicidal entity, which uses shapeshifting to exploit its victims worst fears. It typically takes the form of a deranged looking clown. HISAO: Actually, I have heard of that one! The kids later go on to fight the monster as adults, like twenty years later, right? Yuri's eyes light up. I've always been meaning to get into it. YURI: A-Ah, well… I actually...I actually have a spare copy, if you'd be interested in reading it? HISAO: Oh? Well, that's a coincidence if I've ever seen one, haha. Sure thing. I'll let you know how I'm finding it, if you'd like? YURI: If...that's something you'd want to do? That would be lovely.  HISAO: Well. This is me. YURI: Ah- Okay. I guess Yuri really was engrossed in our conversation. Now that we're here, there's a wistful, sad look on her face that she tries to hide. YURI: Well, I'll see you tomorrow. And th-thanks, for letting me walk with you. HISAO: It's nothing, Yuri. And thanks for the book! I'll get started on this tonight. YURI: I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the first few chapters tomorrow, then. In some ways, her situation is like Sayori's. Both girls struggling with an invisible adversary, and I was totally oblivious. Given Yuri's solitary nature, I suppose it was easier to see. I wonder if Monika and Natsuki are struggling with anything as well? Given the latter's prickly nature, I don't think she'd ever tell me. And with Monika...seems she's under a lot of pressure from her parents and teachers. This club isn't exactly the epitome of happiness, is it?
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Jun 2, 2022 22:40
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Getting the feeling I know what a big act 3 drama point will be at this point 
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Jun 2, 2022 23:20
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Theyre really pushing the yuri romance
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Jun 3, 2022 13:14
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Namtab posted:Theyre really pushing the yuri romance I spent a good while looking at this response thinking "Really? I'm not seeing any lesbian subtext in here." Screw you, anime!
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Jun 3, 2022 14:01
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SoundwaveAU posted:I spent a good while looking at this response thinking "Really? I'm not seeing any lesbian subtext in here." Tbf lots of people see that subtext between Yuri and Natsuki, but that doesn’t seem all that present in this mod. Not speaking of which!  We have a new opportunity! AbitIT, a information technology training program specifically for disabled people, is currently opening its doors to disabled applicants in the US with a high school diploma or equivalent or higher. It’s a 14-week training program with personalized instruction that teaches broad tech expertise, soft skills, and one of a few specializations (stuff like cybersecurity, app development, or IT), then helps you find certifications to sit for and places to apply. Speaking from within the industry, a lot of these programs are kinda scams, but I have coworkers and friends who’ve been through the program and sing its praises. It actually is worth attending if you have any ambitions in the area.You can find the application form here: https://fs30.formsite.com/OperationTohidu/u2lb1s3fig/index.html. Note that, even though the form asks you about transportation, there is no transportation requirement: I confirmed remote work was an option. Interviews are ongoing now, and the current cohort kicks off in mid-July. If you have questions, please PM me or send me a message on discord and I’ll walk you through everything.
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Jun 3, 2022 15:09
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Falconier111 posted:
Man It goes to some weird places - especially towards the end. It kind of makes me wonder how they managed to translate certain parts of it to film (if they did) in the second movie of the recent duology. (I didn't bother with the second movie, after not really liking the first. It seemed like it had been made by people who had heard of subtlety at one point, but had decided emphatically that it just wasn't for them.) I wonder if Yuri's route is going to be her referencing a lot of well-known horror media?
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Jun 4, 2022 11:31
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Okay, caught up. I got midway through the confession update, and couldn't read further for a while. I've always found second hand embarrassment very hard to deal with and felt certain it was coming. It's even harder to deal with in a romantic context. So I didn't read any further for a while. The issue with that being that not doing something I plan to do for a bit makes it a Thingᵀᴹ and it's staggeringly difficult to get back to it at that point. Unfortunately, I see more issues coming. Sayori's going to think Hisao'd be better off with Yuri and that's going to be a nightmare of miscommunication.
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Jun 5, 2022 18:40
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Update 26: ...What would I have to be jealous of? 24. Skip - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  After an hour or so later, Sayori texted me to let me know she was on her way. Man, her teacher really kept her for a while. Now, we've settled down into the living room, pens and paper at the ready. SAYORI: Uwaaa, I can't decide what this poem should be about! Sorry… HISAO: I'm not actually that bothered about writing a poem. To be honest, I only suggested this so we could spend more time together. SAYORI: ...! Really? I manoeuvre myself so I'm sitting directly behind her, wrapping my arms around her back. She giggles and leans backwards. HISAO: Uh huh. SAYORI: But Hisao... HISAO: I know, I know. With a sigh, I detach myself and pull up the notepad in front of me, pen in hand. After a while, we're both finished with our poems. Sayori wasn't kidding when she said she does better in creative subjects. Watching her brainstorm and write her poem has proven to be a real eye-opener. Although not quite to the same extent as Yuri, Sayori really gets lost in her own little world. As she wrote, I was struck by how much attention goes into her work. For instance, she deliberately avoids clichés and has an interestingly varied rhyme scheme. Her language is emotive and effective - enabling the reader to vividly picture what she's talking about. It's easy to immerse yourself into the world she creates. And the best part was seeing the look on her face as she wrote. My poem obviously can't hold a candle to hers, but it was at least much more enjoyable to write my poem with her next to me. HISAO: Sayori? SAYORI: Hmm? HISAO: What did your homeroom teacher want to talk to you about? SAYORI: Oh, that… Well, I haven't been handing homework in on time. I've just been...well, it's impossible to find the motivation to work on it, sometimes. HISAO: Haven't you thought about telling him about...well, your depression? I'm sure they'd be a bit more lenient if they knew what was going on. From their perspective they probably just think you're being lazy. SAYORI: Eh...maybe. That would be a lot of hassle. In the US (where I believe most of the writers were based), Sayori would qualify for an Individualized Education Program to automate the process of getting accommodations. As far as I can tell, Japan has no equivalent; they have a few measures in place, but those measures aren’t very personalized and disabled kids often end up isolated or going to specialized schools – hence Yamaku in Katawa Shoujo. I can imagine Sayori not wanting to trip into that. More likely she doesn’t want to show weakness, given how endemic bullying is in Japanese schools; the stories get pretty rank. Or she just doesn’t have the energy. That’s always a possibility. As she talks, I reach over to my bag and pull out the book Yuri lent me. SAYORI: Ooh, what's that? It looks scary! HISAO: Oh yeah, it's a book Yuri lent me while we were walking home. She just got into this book herself, and happened to have a spare copy, just as I told her I always wanted to read this book as well. What a coincidence, eh? There's silence for a few seconds. Did I say something wrong? HISAO: ...Sayori? SAYORI: Oh, sorry, I was just uhm...looking at the front cover. HISAO: Pretty creepy, huh? Another awkward silence.  SAYORI: ...Hisao, why did Yuri want to walk home with you? Huh? Why does she look...angry, all of a sudden? HISAO: Oh, that. Uh… I'm not sure if I should tell Sayori about Yuri feeling really lonely. As good as their friendship is, Yuri's confession was rather personal. HISAO: I can't tell you. SAYORI: ...Why not? HISAO: Well...it's personal. SAYORI: Okay. HISAO: Yuri's just...well, going through some difficult times at the moment. And we're friends, so...I guess that's why she wanted to talk to me. SAYORI: And you like spending time with her, don't you? HISAO: I mean...yeah? Isn't that normal between friends? SAYORI: Yeah, of course it is. I'm glad you two get along so well. You two also went Christmas shopping together right? HISAO: Yup. She's actually really good with suggestions. But she did take ages in the stationery shop. You think I'd be used to that, given how long you spend at any shops that have candy, haha. I playfully nudge her, but she barely responds. HISAO: You okay? You seem a little tense. SAYORI: Oh, sorry...yeah, I was just thinking about all of the homework I need to catch up on. I should probably get going, actually. HISAO: Aww, really? She stands up and heads to the door. SAYORI: You could always ask Yuri to come over. She's better company than I am, anyway. HISAO: Huh? Did I say something to upset her? Or perhaps...she had a fight with Yuri? I mean, that'd explain why she seemed angry at the mention of Yuri's name… ... Ehh… I'm too tired to think this one over. I'll ask her about it tomorrow. ... 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  25. Cinnamon - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  Feeling refreshed after a decent night's sleep, I'm patiently waiting for Sayori. The winter chill really has no mercy, especially this early in the morning. Thankfully, Sayori isn't particularly late, and before we know it, we're on our way to school. SAYORI: Hey, Hisao... HISAO: Yes, Lady Sayori, how can I be of service on this fine winter morning? SAYORI: I was curious… Uhm… Who's your favorite club member? HISAO: Not including you? Hmm… I don't really have any, to be honest. None of them are as awesome as you. SAYORI: Come on, you've got to like one of them more than the others! I narrow my eyebrows. Where's this question come from? HISAO: Why the sudden interest? SAYORI: I...I just wanted to know how well you're getting along with the others! HISAO: Hmm… Definitely not Natsuki, for...obvious reasons. I never got the feeling that she likes me, plus it's always really awkward when it's just the two of us. I spoke to her alone once last semester and it was...a painful experience. SAYORI: What about Monika? HISAO: Compared to Natsuki, we definitely get along a lot better. She looked super appreciative when I told her how much I liked the club, just before we performed. But to be honest, she's always been a little...intimidating. I nervously scratch the back of my head. HISAO: Y'know, being the perfect student and all. Maybe I'm imagining it, but sometimes I get the impression that she might look down on me. Don't get me wrong, I definitely appreciate all of her hard work for the club and all! Much like Natsuki, we've never really spent time together, so I wouldn't really say she's my favorite, either. SAYORI: So...what about Yuri? Unless I'm mistaken, Sayori is trying really hard to appear nonchalant. It isn't working particularly well. HISAO: Well… Yeah, I'd probably say her? I mean, I've got to know her a little better over the last semester, and she went from someone who could barely maintain eye contact with me… To someone who agreed to go shopping with me when it was just us. I've enjoyed seeing her come out of her shell to allow me to see the real her, I guess. SAYORI: Ah, okay… That's what I thought. HISAO: Sayori, is everything okay? I noticed that you left kinda...abruptly last night, after we talked about Yuri. Did you guys have an argument or something? I really can't imagine those two having a fall out, of all people. It's extremely rare for Sayori to get angry, along with the fact that their personalities don't clash at all. So...what could it be? SAYORI: Oh, of course not, silly! I was just a bit surprised at how friendly she's been with you recently, that's all… Given how shy she is, I'm just curious to uhm… I'm just a bit surprised, that's all. HISAO: Right… 8. Student at Heart - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST SAKURAI: ...So as you can tell, the 1930s were very important for European history. Countries all across the continent were experiencing significant changes, both politically and socially. Now, I made it my New Year's Resolution to end my lessons before the bell rings, so… We'll call it there. Oh, by the way - could I have a word, Hisao? I swear to god those must be the scariest words you could ever hear. Well, along with 'I'm pregnant', 'We have to talk' or 'It's not you, it's me.' Hopefully things I won't hear from Sayori... Especially that second one, eep. I approach the front desk, awkwardly hovering by the side. SAKURAI: I need to give you the results of your exams, so here they are… Okay, add 'I need to give you the results of your exams' to that list. He pulls out a piece of paper and lowers his voice, as some students are eating nearby. SAKURAI: You don't have to look like you've seen a ghost. My mind wanders back to last October. Funny he should mention ghosts… SAKURAI: For the most part, you've done well. Your grades in history, Japanese and English especially were satisfactory. Looks like being in that literature club has really helped, huh? HISAO: How did you know about that? SAKURAI: Hisao, please. I'm a wise old owl. HISAO: Aren't you one of the youngest teachers in the school? He sighs dramatically. SAKURAI: You can never let me have my fun, can you? Although...your grades in other subjects could be a little better. Namely math and physics. It's not a cause for concern, but I know you can do better. HISAO: Yeah uh...about that. Truth be told, last semester was kinda...hectic. Uh...relationship stuff. SAKURAI: Ah, Sayori? HISAO: How did you know? His eye twinkles with a knowing smile. SAKURAI: Anyway, you're a bright student - well, when you want to be - so breathe a sigh of relief. I'd recommend paying attention to the technical stuff from math and physics especially. And don't be afraid to ask for help when it's needed. Not everyone can excel at everything, but I've faith in your ability to bring your grades up. HISAO: Thanks, sir. The past few months weren't easy. Relationships are...tricky. So I'm glad I was able to keep up academically, at least. He pauses to study me, offering a shrewd smile. SAKURAI: Of course. Just be careful not to make Sayori jealous - from what I've seen, the Literature Club is full of girls! He chuckles to himself. Now, I've got to go to a meeting that I have to pretend to be interested in. There really is no rest for the wicked... Just be careful not to make Sayori jealous. Hmm… (Text Noise) Fumbling for my phone, I notice it's a text from Monika, sent to all of the club members in a group chat.  chat window posted:Monika: Hey guys, just been told that the clubroom is being used after school today. I mechanically shoot her a reply while on autopilot. My brain is whirring at a million miles an hour as I finally realize something I should've seen coming. 25. Cinnamon - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  Before I can say anything, Sayori starts the conversation. SAYORI: So, my teacher gave me my exam results back. HISAO: Oh? SAYORI: Yeah. I can't really complain, I guess? I did much better than I thought I would for biology. But physics was a bit of a nightmare… Math wasn't great either… But on the whole, I think I've done okay! HISAO: Sayori, are you jealous of Yuri? The abruptness of my question, along with the clash of conversation topic, takes her by surprise. For a moment there's a silence. A silence which grows heavier as I realize how tactless I was with my approach. SAYORI: ...What makes you think that? HISAO: You're my girlfriend, and I've known you for years. SAYORI: ...What would I have to be jealous of? She's trying to sound confident in her answer, but the wavering in her voice gives her away. HISAO: I dunno, that we spent time together? The Christmas shopping, and her walking home with me yesterday? Sayori turns away, so I can't read the expression on her face. When she replies, she's talking to the ground. SAYORI: I'm...sorry, Hisao...it's just...you seemed so happy with her, and… HISAO: We're just friends, Sayori. I would've thought you could see that. Don't you...trust me? I'm not sure I want to hear the answer. SAYORI: It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that… I'm trying to believe that I'm worth your time, and then I hear about how she's your favorite member of the club and you really enjoyed seeing her come out of her shell… So that's why she was asking me. It all makes sense now. First her depression, and now the jealousy. SAYORI: And when I asked why Yuri wanted to walk home with you, you said you couldn't tell me why because it was personal… I mentally smack myself. Looking back, of course that answer must've sounded suspicious. SAYORI: I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I doubted you or anything… Doki Doki Literature Club! OST - My Feelings  Sayori and I settle into my house. Once we're comfortable, I continue to press her. HISAO: No, Sayori, it's not your fault. I...I didn't really see it from your perspective at all. Please believe me when I say that you're the only one I want. Yuri is a great friend, but that's it. The feelings I've felt for her have always been platonic. I wrap her into a hug and she sighs. As I stroke her, she clings to me, hiding her face in the folds of my blazer. HISAO: I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm just...well, I'm totally new to relationships, so I really don't have a clue what I'm doing. SAYORI: It's okay, it's okay...I didn't think you were doing it to hurt me or anything. HISAO: Okay, good, because I’d never do anything to hurt you. I’ve been such an idiot. Yuri has just been feeling really lonely recently. I briefly fill Sayori in on what Yuri told me yesterday. I’m not entirely sure if I should be telling her this, but at this point in time I’m much more concerned with complete clarity between Sayori and I. SAYORI: Oh, so that’s why… It makes a lot of sense, thinking about it. Although I can’t help but think… She looks down at the ground again, nervously biting her lip. SAYORI: I can’t help but feel that Yuri likes you, Hisao. HISAO: Eh? Really? SAYORI: You can be really dense sometimes. There's a sad playfulness to her tone. SAYORI: Yes, really. She’s trying to spend more time with you, she really appreciates your company… It’s subtle, but I can tell by the way she looks at you. I think she gets attached really quickly. HISAO: But she said she knew we were together, and didn’t want to intrude on that or anything… ... HISAO: Sayori? SAYORI: Maybe I was right, then. HISAO: About what? SAYORI: About me just dragging you down. What can I even give you that Yuri can’t? You said it yourself - she’s lonely, and if she was with you, then she’d be happy… She’s smart, she’s really pretty, she’s really elegant… And what am I? I’m just an airhead - I can’t even find the time to get ready in the morning. I’m just a dead weight to you. HISAO: You’re so much more than that, Sayori. Even if Yuri was the most desirable girl on the planet, I wouldn’t give a drat, because you’re the only person I want. You know something? When I was walking with Yuri yesterday, I couldn’t help but wish that it was you I was with. It was only the one time we didn’t walk together, but one time is all I needed to realize how much I enjoy walking home with you. So what if you can’t find the time to get ready in the morning? You’re still beautiful, even when you don’t try. SAYORI: ...Awww, Hisao... You’re just...saying that, though. HISAO: I swear on my life that I’m being one hundred percent genuine. These are the things I’ve always wanted to say to you, but I’ve never really known how. And that’s not all. I wake up every day and I feel so goddamn lucky knowing that you’re my girlfriend. You’ve always been there for me when I needed it most. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how happy you make me. I pull her in close for a kiss. She clings close to me, and I can sense the urgency in her to touch. It’s impossible to describe how it feels to hold her in this moment of vulnerability. HISAO: I don’t really care about how elegant Yuri is, if I’m being honest. That’s her - who she is. I much prefer your quirkiness and how silly we can be together. We have that link that no other girl in the world can say they have. SAYORI: ...We really do have that history together, don’t we? HISAO: A history that I’d never trade for anything. SAYORI: ...Hisao? HISAO: Mmhmm? SAYORI: ...Please don’t leave me. I know I’m being selfish for asking that- HISAO: You’re not. SAYORI: It’s still so confusing… But when I’m with you, I feel warm inside. And I think that...well, just for a moment, that maybe everything will be okay. I can’t really understand why you care so much about me… SAYORI: But I’ll trust you. HISAO: I’m glad, Sayori, I really am. But if I'm being honest… She looks up at me. HISAO: We can't do this alone. I think we should look into getting you some therapy. She looks away. HISAO: I’ll obviously always be here for you, but I’m just a normal teenage guy. There’s only so much I can do. SAYORI: ...I don’t know. HISAO: Why not? SAYORI: It’s...just a really scary thought. I don’t want to go through all that false hope again. HISAO: ‘Again’?  SAYORI: ...I’ve tried therapy and antidepressants before, Hisao. Back when I was first diagnosed with depression. Everyone told me it would work. They told me that I would feel okay again… But that never happened. I was much younger back then, and everything was a million times scarier and more confusing. ...All of those tests, all of the questions, the drugs… I didn’t know what was wrong with me. The whole thing was terrifying. What I’d give to be a medical professional right now. HISAO: Wow, Sayori, I...I had no idea. SAYORI: I wouldn’t have expected you to have known. HISAO: Would you believe me if I said things would be different this time around? SAYORI: ...And how would you know that? HISAO: I wouldn’t, at least for sure. But if we leave this unchecked, how would things ever change? I know it must be really hard for you...believe me, I can only imagine what you’re going through. And I totally get why you’d be reluctant to try it again. But I promise you that this time, I’ll be here. You wouldn’t have to go through all of it alone. I squeeze her hand. SAYORI: Hmm, well… HISAO: We’ll get through it together, remember? SAYORI: ...But what if it doesn’t work again? HISAO: We’ll find another doctor or another therapist until it does, then. SAYORI: It’s not going to be that easy, though… HISAO: I know, I know. But I’m never going to give up on you, so I don’t care how long it takes. You’re so selfless in how much you care for other people’s happiness. But I want you to be happy. SAYORI: Do I really deserve that, though? HISAO: If other people deserve happiness, why don’t you, Sayori? Just ask yourself that. SAYORI: ... HISAO: Please? For me? SAYORI: O-Okay. For you. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders - finally, I feel like I’m not alone in trying to help Sayori anymore. HISAO: I know that must’ve been a really difficult thing to agree to. I’m really proud of you. You’re much braver than you realize. Although… I haven’t been too pushy or anything, have I? I want to encourage you, not...force you. SAYORI: It’s something that I would’ve had to try sooner or later, I guess… While there’s always the chance that therapy might fail again… It’s also the only way I could potentially get better. HISAO: See? That’s the spirit! She doesn’t look wholly convinced, but smiles anyway. SAYORI: I’ll do it for you, Hisao. I'm not going to hold my breath, but if it makes you happy... I’ll give it a try. HISAO: That’s all I can ask for right now. It means a lot to me that you’d be willing to try again. SAYORI: Well, let’s hope this time it works out a little better... Anyway, I’ll talk to my doctor tomorrow. HISAO: Sounds like a plan.  >Offer to join her at therapy. >This is something she has to face herself. I have many, many things I could talk about here with Sayori’s behavior, but I think I’d be better served waiting until the route conclusion because otherwise I’d just be repeating myself with slightly more context. I do want to point out that a lot of people share Sayori’s experience with therapy in psychiatry. Professional psychologists are trained experts, yeah, but they’re also people; lots of people have negative experiences over the course of treatment. Sometimes they come to erroneous conclusions and ignore evidence to the contrary (several professionals thought my sister was being abused when it turns out she just had POTS); sometimes they give you bad medicine (I had a doctor that put me on Risperdal); sometimes they don’t have the right life experience to give you helpful advice (you see this a lot with male and/or white psych professions); and sometimes they just don’t click with you, or you aren’t ready to hear what they’re saying. If you can afford it – and for some people that’s a big ask, given that a lot of American insurers don’t cover mental healthcare – keep with it. What therapy and psychiatry can do when actually done correctly can’t be understated; I could not write this LP without appropriate medication and therapeutic techniques to keep me focused, stable, and organized. Just keep in mind it takes time, effort, and vigilance to make sure what you have works.That aside, this choice only exists if, the better part of an act ago, we chose to discuss our feelings with our mom. If we hadn’t, the game would have forced us to take option two here, letting her go on her own. But since we don’t have to? Having a loved one drag you to a therapy appointment, while not something I experience, is something I’ve heard of happening – especially for people hesitant to attend on their own for whatever reason. Many therapists like seeing that. The worst thing a client can do during a session is lock down and refuse to give out any information, staying completely in communicative or pretending everything is just fine; that makes it impossible for the therapist to actually get a read on what’s going on and, unless they see through it immediately, will skew whatever next steps they take. We’ve seen that Sayori compulsively hides her feelings, and there’s a very good chance without somebody to poke her in the side every time she put the mask back up she’ll successfully deflect any concern. That could be very, very bad. After talking through our issues with someone who’s been through them before, we have enough insight to kind of predict this and make sure Sayori gets necessary information across (and provide her a sense of safety and stability in the process). =>Offer to join her at therapy. HISAO: Oh, and Sayori? I can come with you to your therapy sessions if you want? SAYORI: Are you sure? Would they let you? HISAO: I think so? I mean, if you tell them you're okay with it, I don't see why not…? Just keep me updated, okay? I wouldn’t want to miss your first session. SAYORI: Okay then. And thank you. It’s kinda daunting to start, so having you around should hopefully make it much easier... HISAO: I'm just glad I can help. I don’t know how many endings this route has or what they contain – haven’t gotten that far in the code – but I do know this section of the code and here and routes us into one of two other sections. Had we chosen to let her go alone (or not talked about her feelings earlier), we would’ve been routed into a section labeled “sayori_bad”. The choice we made takes us to the section called “sayori_good”.
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Jun 6, 2022 23:22
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I do wonder how important picking yuri was earlier in the game
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Jun 6, 2022 23:37
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So, hm. I want to comment on a few good things, but then I'm going to be off on a rant again I suspect. Let's start with the good: (1) I was pleased to see the game actually addressed my concerns about consent issues surrounding the mistletoe thing. I'm not sure I think it was adequate, but I'll take this (especially since the characters were okay with it). (2) I am very, very pleased the jealousy subplot did not overstay its welcome, and seems to have been here primarily to show how depression and disordered thinking can latch onto something like that. Misuse of jealousy in romance stories is a big pet peeve of mine and I had been starting to worry this might go in that direction. I find the good/bad ending hinging on accompanying Sayori to therapy a bit suspect; it's a good thing the game consistently refers to it as Hisao offering (and he's clear he's giving her the choice), but I'm still a bit worried about the game going too far in condoning that. Specifically, this is because it's a common tactic for emotional abusers to insist on joint therapy, and then (through selective editing, outright lying, and speaking for/over their victim) enlist the therapist in their DARVO and gaslighting. I am probably overreacting (and, to be clear, this isn't something that happened to me personally, it's just a pattern I'm aware of), but it can't hurt to raise awareness. Now for the personal experience bit. Falconier111 posted:sometimes they give you bad medicine (I had a doctor that put me on Risperdal) I hate how many of us this happens to (and how often it seems to be "antipsychotics", sigh). About all I can offer is solidarity, for whatever little that's worth. For me it was Seroquel/quetiapine. The person who prescribed it literally did so because she thought my political beliefs and the way I described my bad experiences with formal employment were evidence of "disordered thinking"; at the time, I was so desperate for improvement that I let myself trust her (this came toward the end of a two year period of trying several different antidepressants and not having any notable success). Even my parents (who don't always have the best record of taking my mental illness seriously or being supportive) thought this was suspect and tried to talk me out of it, but I let myself be hopeful and went forward with it. As soon as I started taking it, I knew something was deeply wrong. That drug had so many ill effects on both my affect and cognition, and I'm genuinely not sure I could describe them. One of the things I'm pretty sure it did was inhibit memory formation, as I have very poor recall of that period of my life. I have found myself wondering in the years since if it did permanent damage to my cognition; for a long time even after I stopped taking it, things just felt off in some ways. I later did some research and found that bad experiences with this particular drug are unfortunately not rare (I won't say there aren't legitimate uses, but I wish I'd done the research before trying it). Once I realised what that drug was doing to me, I stopped taking it, but the whole experience destroyed my trust in that psychiatric practice and, honestly, psychiatric treatment in general. I've been very carefully rationing my anxiety meds (which do work for me) since because I haven't been able to convince a GP to refill them. Thankfully, my (non-prescribing) therapist took me very seriously when I told him this story; he was appalled, and stopped recommening patients to the practice that treated me this way. That went a long way to ensure he at least was still worth trusting. I occasionally toy with the idea of trying antidepressants again, but I can't convince myself it's worth the risk of going back to a psychiatrist (and for what it's worth, my therapist thinks I've tried enough medications to establish my depression is treatment-resistant, so he doesn't try very hard to convince me otherwise). I think what I'm trying to get at here is that "just keep trying with different therapists" is a nice ideal, but feels naive to me. Sometimes people have very good reasons for deciding to stop pursuing treatment, especially because the mental health field can be dismissive or downright abusive if you present the wrong way. I am very much not trying to say that treatment doesn't work, nor that people shouldn't try, but when it goes wrong it can be disastrous, and we need to be cognizant of that too. Edit: The more I think about it, the more I think this post might just be unproductive trauma dumping. Let me know if you'd prefer I remove it. Explopyro fucked around with this message at 03:39 on Jun 7, 2022 |
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Jun 7, 2022 00:30
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Explopyro posted:Edit: The more I think about it, the more I think this post might just be unproductive trauma dumping. Let me know if you'd prefer I remove it. Keep it. That post encapsulates a lot of the complexities of being neurodivergent in a few paragraphs, I’d be a fool to tell you to remove it because it’s honest. Anyway, we are now approaching the end of Sayori’s route, which means it’s time to vote on which route to do next! We have two options: Yuri and Natsuki; we’ll cover the loser’s route afterwards. Please bold your vote so I can read it more easily. Vote ends in 48 hours!
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Jun 7, 2022 15:59
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Natsuki Exercise Tulip fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Jun 7, 2022 |
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Jun 7, 2022 17:08
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Yuri
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Jun 7, 2022 17:17
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Natsuki because we haven't seen a lot of her
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Jun 7, 2022 17:38
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Wait, also, I screwed something up in my planning and have a last minute additional vote! Do you:
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Jun 7, 2022 22:58
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Comfort all the way.
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Jun 7, 2022 23:32
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Exercise has been doing me good lately... or at least I think it has. Maybe.
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Jun 8, 2022 00:33
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Natsuki next, and comfort
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Jun 8, 2022 00:52
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Falconier111 posted:Keep it. That post encapsulates a lot of the complexities of being neurodivergent in a few paragraphs, I’d be a fool to tell you to remove it because it’s honest. Thanks for saying so. Looking back at it, one of the aspects that troubles me the most is that I know that doctor meant well and believed she was helping me. She just apparently couldn't believe anyone could legitimately question capitalism, and therefore it had to be delusions. A lot of the time, psychiatry's goal is better described as "cognitive normativity" than "mental health". rannum posted:Natsuki because we haven't seen a lot of her I'd been leaning toward voting Yuri, but, yeah, this seems reasonable. And, uh, comfort I guess?
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Jun 8, 2022 01:25
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Exercise.
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Jun 8, 2022 04:22
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To try and metagame here for a sec, if we did some more exercise and stuff with Sayori, maybe that could ease her depression somewhat. But... it could also just as easily lead to Sayori getting pissed at us for pushing her into it and mansplaining how to cure depression. Yeah I'll vote for comfort. Just be a good supportive boyfriend, Hisao!Explopyro posted:Looking back at it, one of the aspects that troubles me the most is that I know that doctor meant well and believed she was helping me. She just apparently couldn't believe anyone could legitimately question capitalism, and therefore it had to be delusions. What the Christ
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Jun 8, 2022 11:39
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Looking back at it, one of the aspects that troubles me the most is that I know that doctor meant well and believed she was helping me. She just apparently couldn't believe anyone could legitimately question capitalism, and therefore it had to be delusions. This leads to the question 'How was it worded?'
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Jun 8, 2022 13:04
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Bifauxnen posted:What the Christ Given that back when I had insurance I once tried to express that much of my stress comes from the little tiny fact the Republican Party is actively trying to kill queer people and was given "not all republicans" as a response I'm not shocked at all. (This was like 7+ years ago, she's since retired.) Note that that statement was me testing the water for how "I am trans and closeted for my safety and my dysphoria is increasingly a problem" would go over. I decided to stay in Narnia rather than make the gamble after having reality-based concerns dismissed.
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Jun 8, 2022 13:12
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The worst I've gotten, which was from a pyschiatrist who actually was fairly helpful because he managed to figure out the medication that was best for my depression (nortriptyline, of all the drat drugs), was extended musings about how men are all suffering depression because they're becoming too feminine and not embracing their hard masculine side enough. Pretty weird! The idea of having somebody go to therapy with you, outside of the context of couples or family therapy, is very surprising to me. I've done outpatient therapy intermittently since I was 10, and I've never even thought about having a friend or partner or parent come with me except for like, transportation. Bifauxnen posted:
Ursula K. Le Guin posted:We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings.
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Jun 8, 2022 14:24
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I guess the important thing to note is that for a lot of people therapy and medication works for mental health issues, but unlike physical health we don’t have machines to diagnose. As such there is an element of educated guesswork based on what the patient says and how they say it.
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Jun 8, 2022 20:46
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Bloodly posted:This leads to the question 'How was it worded?' This is a good point, because I do suspect this was part of why it went so badly, but I genuinely don't remember exactly what I said. I just remember she called it "distorted thinking" or "disordered thinking" and went straight to talking about antipsychotics. If there's any takeaway here, it's that unfortunately sometimes phrasing is very important, especially when someone is in a position of relative power over you and prone to overinterpreting. (But at the same time, it's not like we can read their minds to know what biases they might be holding either...) Like Clockwork posted:Given that back when I had insurance I once tried to express that much of my stress comes from the little tiny fact the Republican Party is actively trying to kill queer people and was given "not all republicans" as a response I'm not shocked at all. (This was like 7+ years ago, she's since retired.) This is very often a part of it, too. A lot of symptoms are the result of situational factors more than anything else, but when the situation in question is systemic bigotry, trying to get help within the system means taking a big risk that the healthcare provider is complicit in it and will make things worse. Namtab posted:I guess the important thing to note is that for a lot of people therapy and medication works for mental health issues, but unlike physical health we don’t have machines to diagnose. As such there is an element of educated guesswork based on what the patient says and how they say it. I've heard mental health professionals say this pretty much explicitly, yes. It's also the case that for a lot of these medications, the mechanisms of action aren't particularly well understood, so even if diagnostic processes were perfectly reliable (rather than the hodgepodge of symptom checklists they often are), that wouldn't necessarily make it any easier to find the right treatment. Tulip posted:The worst I've gotten, which was from a pyschiatrist who actually was fairly helpful because he managed to figure out the medication that was best for my depression (nortriptyline, of all the drat drugs), was extended musings about how men are all suffering depression because they're becoming too feminine and not embracing their hard masculine side enough. Pretty weird! Was his name Jordan Peterson? (/s) Seriously, though, I wish I were surprised. Tulip posted:The idea of having somebody go to therapy with you, outside of the context of couples or family therapy, is very surprising to me. I've done outpatient therapy intermittently since I was 10, and I've never even thought about having a friend or partner or parent come with me except for like, transportation. I wonder if we're meant to interpret it as meaning something like "I'll come with to support you and sit in the waiting room" rather than actually joining in the sessions? Because that would be pretty reasonable, but I agree it's really peculiar otherwise (when I was discussing the issues that come up in joint therapy, I should have said in couples or family therapy, those are the contexts where I've most seen that discussed). Also, I love that LeGuin quote.
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Jun 8, 2022 22:14
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Namtab posted:I guess the important thing to note is that for a lot of people therapy and medication works for mental health issues, but unlike physical health we don’t have machines to diagnose. As such there is an element of educated guesswork based on what the patient says and how they say it. And also that capitalism sucks
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Jun 8, 2022 22:17
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Not to minimize the experiences of people who have had bad psychiatrists, because that is absolutely worse, but even if your psychiatrist is good, the medication roulette can still be awful if you're one of those unlucky people who don't do well with most of the common treatments for depression. Particularly if you straight-up can't do SSRIs as a class, because IME they really want to run you through at least three of those, maybe more, before they start trying anything else. Which is frustrating, but also does kind of make sense, because once you're out of the SSRI/SNRI pool, you rapidly get into the things with really intimidating side effect profiles. In any case, medication roulette is really stressful, and depression makes it very easy to go "well, I guess nothing is going to work" or feel like it's somehow a personal failing that you haven't found something that works yet (because you shouldn't need medication at all, actually; because that one drug was kinda working and you should have been willing to tolerate the hideous side effects; or just totally irrationally because depression brain is like that). Anyway, I hope Sayori's second attempt goes better!
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Jun 9, 2022 05:03
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My instinct is Yuri in the same way that my instinct was Hanako in Katawa Shoujo. It's hard to pick between exercise and comfort. Those are both good! But I guess if this is at all about depression/anxiety/etc, then exercise can help and actually lead to more comfort, in a way. Falconier111 posted:
Oof, well I would have been on the "sayori_bad" path here then, because my thought was that Hisao's presence during a therapy session might be kind of an invasion of her privacy, put pressure on her, be a distraction, and make it more difficult for her to open up to the therapist about her problems. But then I have social anxiety disorder (on top of depression), so maybe it's no surprise I'd think of it that way. It's hard enough talking to just one person about this stuff! Explopyro posted:I think what I'm trying to get at here is that "just keep trying with different therapists" is a nice ideal, but feels naive to me. Sometimes people have very good reasons for deciding to stop pursuing treatment, especially because the mental health field can be dismissive or downright abusive if you present the wrong way. I am very much not trying to say that treatment doesn't work, nor that people shouldn't try, but when it goes wrong it can be disastrous, and we need to be cognizant of that too. I was going to say something similar, since I've also had some bad experiences with - well, psychiatrists specifically - being incandescent arsehats. I talked about some of those experiences in the Katawa Shoujo LP thread.
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Jun 9, 2022 11:13
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The way it was phrased "Offer to join her at therapy" "That is something she has to face herself" gives a bit of a clue that this is the bad choice (deciding for Sayori instead of leaving it up to her, "she has to face this herself" as opposed to "maybe she wouldn't want others around"), but yeah, I probably would have picked that option too because no, I very much do not want anybody I actually have to face later around when I'm at my most vulnerable and will probably have to talk about things I have not told them before in that much detail.
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Jun 9, 2022 12:29
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Also im voting Natsuki and socially prescribing* exercise. *I am not a social prescriber
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Jun 9, 2022 16:03
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Update 27: Well, because it's really dawning on me that she has depression, and this is something we can't deal with alone. It looks like Natsuki’s next up on the docket. We have a little further to go before we get there, though. 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  7. Free Time - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST Before I know it, the weekend has already arrived. It's been a few days since Sayori agreed to try therapy. With a slight nudge from me, she spoke to her doctor, who managed to arrange for her first therapy session tomorrow. As relieved as I am with such a speedy response, I'm still fairly apprehensive. Seeing how pervasive her condition is - interfering with her ability to get homework done, twisting her self-perception… It's been daunting. I can't lie. I guess just seeing how serious depression is has been a shock to my system. A part of me does worry that somehow, me getting involved is actually a bad thing. Perhaps I'm somehow making it more complicated? Do I really know what I'm getting into here? ... No, Hisao, don't listen to that silly irrational side. Let's look at the positives. She agreed to get some help - so this is the first step to recovery! Yeah, that's true. Plus, I'm going with her, so at least we're making this step together, right? It should be fine! Argh, being a chronic over-worrier truly is a curse... Being with Sayori makes me happy. It's best to focus on that, and stop worrying about what could go wrong. Because if I constantly focus on the negatives...well, that's no good for anyone. Stay positive. Optimistic outlook, Hisao, optimistic outlook. After completing my morning routine, I find myself sitting at my kitchen, aimlessly wondering about how to spend the day. One of the drawbacks of your first relationship is that you don't really know what you're meant to do with your partner. It's too cold to spend much time outdoors, so we're limited to the indoors. I check my watch. 10:14 A.M. Pretty early. Sayori wouldn't even be awake yet. As my gaze idly settles on the used plates in front of me, an idea hits me. Ooh, Sayori would love this. About half an hour later, my work is done and carefully placed into a bag. I make the trip over to her room, hoping that she's still asleep. 24. Skip - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST As I was hoping, she's fast asleep. No surprise, given it's not even eleven yet. As I approach her, I'm struck by how cute she looks when she's sleeping. Wait. That didn't sound super creepy, did it? I mentally chastise myself. Stop being so weird, Hisao... But the way she's curled up into a ball… Even with her hair being a mess, and a slight trickle of drool leaking from her mouth… She's perfect. I don't think there's any way that this girl could ever look anything less than beautiful. The light sounds of her snoring turn my light smile into a heartfelt grin. Setting down my bag, I quietly walk over to her and gently brush a lock of hair that's fallen into her open mouth. She stirs slightly as my hand brushes against her forehead.  HISAO: Wakey wakey, sleepyhead. SAYORI: ...Zzz…Five more minutes… HISAO: I made you breakfast. She groggily sits up and rubs her eyes, hugging the blanket closer to her. SAYORI: ...You didn't have to, Hisao. I can't help but feel disappointed and slightly irritated by her reaction. I was really looking forward to seeing how exuberant she'd be… SAYORI: What time is it? HISAO: Uh, like...eleven? Yawning, she pushes the covers off and sits up. She still looks quite tired. She gingerly opens the bag and forces a smile onto her face. HISAO: You can thank your Dear Sunshine poem for inspiration. Especially that last line. SAYORI: ... God, I'm so selfish. I have such a thoughtful boyfriend who's been super considerate and made me breakfast in bed, and I can't even thank you properly… You went through all this just for me… Anyone else would be really appreciative, and yet here I am, complaining that you're here. HISAO: Huh? No, it's not like that all! I mean, yeah, I was hoping you'd be a little bit happier to see me, but… Well, it's kinda on me for forgetting how difficult mornings can be for you. Don't worry about it. I can tell that my words haven't convinced her in the slightest. HISAO: And I don't get the feeling that you don't want me here. Relax. SAYORI: ... She slowly starts chewing on the food. SAYORI: This is really good. HISAO: It's pretty basic stuff, to be honest... But I'm glad you like it. Natsuki's cooking has nothing on me, as you can see. SAYORI: How is it that you can make me laugh even when it's the last thing I want to do? HISAO: Magic, I think? Maybe I was a comedian in my past life? It's a question that science has been trying to answer for the past hundred or so years. SAYORI: Ehe...by the way, can we just have a lazy day today? I don't really feel like going outside or anything. HISAO: Fine by me. After she finished eating, we made our way back to mine. We've pretty much resumed our standard activity of cuddling on the sofa. Maybe my earlier worries were unfounded after all. We're both content in just being in each other's presence, regardless of the activity. I'm aimlessly flicking through the movie channel on TV. (Text Noise) I whip out my phone.  chat window posted:
Yuri carries on typing, and she's taking an awful long time to reply. I get the feeling that she's plucking up the courage to ask me something. chat window posted:
SAYORI: What's up? HISAO: Oh, you know that book Yuri lent me? I'm checking to see if it's on Netflix. SAYORI: We're gonna have a horror night? HISAO: Well I told Yuri I'd let her know my thoughts on the book with her, but I haven't really read enough of it to really discuss it. But if I can find it on Netflix then I thought we could all watch it together instead. Oh, here it is. SAYORI: Oh… HISAO: Are you okay with it? SAYORI: Of course~ I'd be a terrible friend if I stopped her from coming over. Other people are out there having tough times too… She shifts her attention to the television, a wan smile on her face. HISAO: Okay. I figured that if you were here too, you wouldn't feel like I was...I dunno, leaving you out or anything? SAYORI: It's fine, Hisao. HISAO: Dear god, that clown looks even uglier on the big screen. SAYORI: I've never liked clowns… chat window posted:
 One text later, and Yuri is waiting outside my door, book in hand. HISAO: Hey, Yuri. Come on in. Sayori's in the living room. YURI: Good afternoon, Hisao. Thank you for suggesting this, by the way. I haven't seen the movie version yet. HISAO: Yeah, neither have we. Should be interesting, haha.  SAYORI: Hey, Yuri. Yuri smiles in greeting. YURI: I've heard good things about the film adaptation, so I'm hopeful that this will be enjoyable. HISAO: Only one way to find out. As predicted, Sayori is a massive chicken, jumping at every loud noise and suspenseful scene. On the other hand, Yuri seems totally engrossed in the movie, never once looking away during an ominous scene. For the most part, it's difficult to read her face as she remains fairly impassive. Although, a look of wonder and interest occasionally flickers across her face, especially when the monster is on screen. It's definitely one of the better horror movies I've watched. Granted, that isn't saying much, as I haven't seen too many. SAYORI: Oh no...please don't tell me they're gonna go in that creepy building. ... Uwaaa! Why would you go in there?! It's just a nightmare waiting to happen! She ducks behind a cushion, only peering out intermittently - something she took to doing once the clown was first introduced. Out of the corner of my eye I catch Yuri quickly throwing us a glance. From my periphery vision it's hard to tell, but she looks a little sad. I grimace a little - clearly I forgot how isolated Yuri feels at home. Watching Sayori and I cuddle is probably a painful reminder. Especially if Sayori's prediction about how Yuri feels about me is true… An hour or so later, and the movie's over. It's been really interesting to hear Yuri's thoughts - not just on the movie, but on the horror genre on the whole. YURI: ...And that's something I admire about both the book and the movie - how both approach and present the main theme of fear. A lot of film adaptations of books tend to over sensationalize the content, and many horror movies rely on cheap jump scares to elicit a reaction. Of course, there's nothing inherently wrong with a jump scare. But I find the best horror tends to really get under your skin, and makes you think… Well after you've finished. HISAO: Yeah, I agree. Jump scares just annoy me, really. They startle you, sure, and the build-up can be tense… But from what I've seen, horror movies make it really obvious when one's coming up. The music goes really quiet or really spooky, the character is in a dark place… YURI: Indeed. Sadly, it's quite the common occurrence with modern horror. There's not much left to your imagination. I can't help but notice that Sayori's been very quiet throughout the discussion Yuri and I are having. HISAO: You okay Sayori? SAYORI: Hmm? I don't really have much to say. You two carry on, I'm fine. She's looking absentmindedly at the screen. YURI: It's unfortunate that the second part of the movie isn't out yet. It's like being able to only read half of the book. HISAO: The second part is about how the characters come back to fight the clown when they're adults, right? YURI: Indeed. And that's where the plot really shines. YURI: Anyway, I have some errands to be getting on with, so I'm going to have to leave. Thank you both, by the way. I really appreciate it. SAYORI: That's okay, Yuri. I hope you're feeling better. Yuri turns to me. YURI: Oh, did you tell her? My face grows hot. In my haste to reassure Sayori that nothing was going on between Yuri and I, I totally forgot that Yuri's confession was likely confidential. HISAO: Oh drat...yeah, I did...sorry, Yuri, I didn't think. Didn't realize it was private… YURI: It's okay. I suppose it's only fair that there's clarity between two people in a relationship. Whew. I'm glad that Yuri is so understanding… YURI: Anyway, I'll see you two on Monday. Goodbye. HISAO: Seeya. SAYORI: Bye, Yuri. She's looking a little rueful.  SAYORI: ...I hope you were right about therapy, Hisao. I'm dreading tomorrow. HISAO: It's going to be just fine, don't worry. SAYORI: ...I hope so. I should probably get going as well. I'll see you tomorrow. 23. Our Next Chapter - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  7. Free Time - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST As my eyes slowly open, I can't help but feel nervous about how today will go. I can only imagine how nervous Sayori is. It's such a big step for her, too. I just hope it goes well.  HISAO: Hey, Sayori. Ready to get going? SAYORI: Yeah. She's a little quiet, and not quite as chipper as she usually is. The journey to the clinic is a quiet one. Thankfully, it's only a short walk away. We don’t get to see her therapy appointment; we just get a time skip. The threads made several good points about how bringing people in with you to a therapy appointment can throw the process off, whether by increasing anxiety, prompting them to hide things, or giving a chance for abusers to suck the therapist into the pattern. The game doesn’t address any of that. Well, that was interesting. Her therapist was incredibly patient and empathetic, never once being insensitive with his questioning. He spent the majority of the session getting a picture of her current life situation, to which Sayori was generally compliant. I think that after she told me about her depression, it might've become a little bit easier to talk about it, given I was the first person she confessed to. She didn't look entirely comfortable, but after a few reassuring smiles from me, she was able to answer his questions. The session passed by relatively quickly, and before we knew it, it was already over.  Sayori is quiet as she breaks the silence. SAYORI: ...I've heard a few horror stories about people who get really insensitive therapists. And I was really scared that he'd be one of them. But he was really patient, so that could've gone a lot worse… She trails off into silence. HISAO: I'm really proud of you, Sayori. I know that must've been really hard for you to do, what with how confusing all of this can be. It really does make me happy that you're doing this. SAYORI: I'm glad to hear that, Hisao, I really am. By the way...can we spend the rest of the day together? I don't want to go home just yet… HISAO: Of course we can. Cuddling up on the couch it is!  After swinging by the shops to get some snacks, we find ourselves back in our typical cuddling spot. It's rather quiet between us. A given, I suppose, after the therapy session. There's a lot to take in for both of us. Tagging along to the session raised so many questions in my mind, though. Now isn't the best time to ask them, though. HISAO: Hey, Sayori? SAYORI: Yeah? HISAO: Why don't we play something? SAYORI: We don't have enough people for a board game, though? HISAO: Nah, I don't mean board games. Remember when we used to play video games together, when we were kids? I've always found video games as a really good way to escape reality. Last year, when I was really lonely… I found it helped to take my mind off things. Plus, there's some games I have that I think you might enjoy. She sits up. SAYORI: Sure, that could be fun! What games were you thinking of? HISAO: As it turns out, I still have some of those games we used to play. Do you remember Banjo Kazooie? 2cx Ooh, the one with the bear? HISAO: Haha yup, that's the one. Let's give it a whirl. As I was hoping, gaming has proven to be a wonderful way to get her mind off therapy. She's truly lost in the colorful, immersive world, with her face scrunched up in determination. At first, she wasn't very good at the game - struggling with the controls, getting lost and generally being unsure of what she's meant to do. Although after a few pointers from me, she really started to pick it up and was soon getting the hang of it. Sayori can be really good at things when she puts her mind to it. It's almost uncanny how skilled she can be, especially as it contrasts against the airheaded vibe she can give off. SAYORI: Aha! I knew I'd find the jigsaw piece there! Doki Doki Literature Club! OST - My Feelings I laugh. She's having a great time, and it's heartwarming to see her so happy. Even if it's over just a video game, nothing will ever beat seeing Sayori smiling. HISAO: You'll never know just how cute you are, Sayori. SAYORI: Huh? HISAO: Just seeing you happy makes me so happy. And I swear that nothing will ever change that. SAYORI: Aww… Not that I'm complaining or anything, but where did all of this come from? Truth be told, I'm not really sure. Being with her in the therapy room just now was quite eye-opening for me - not just because I got to see how therapy works, but because… Well, because it's really dawning on me that she has depression, and this is something we can't deal with alone. Of course, I believed her when she said she was depressed back in November, but… Well, meeting the therapist and watching him do his job really drove the point home. I'm obviously really glad she's seeking help, but it made me think. She's been depressed for a long time, and I've only recently came back into her life… So what was life like for her while we weren't friends? Probably awful, and super lonely. SAYORI: Hisao? Are you there? You're looking kinda sad… What's up? Her bright smile does nothing for my guilt. HISAO: I'm sorry, Sayori. SAYORI: What are you sorry for, silly? HISAO: We've only properly begun to hang out not too long ago, right? Since September? SAYORI: Yeah…? She pauses the game and sets the controller down, sensing the urgency in the situation. HISAO: And you've been depressed for so many years... But I wasn't there for you. We drifted apart, all because...because of what? Because I was an idiot, an idiot who prioritised gaming and anime over you. I can't even imagine how hard things were for you when we weren't really talking. SAYORI: Hisao, none of that is your fault. She gently takes my hands in hers. HISAO: And part of me thinks that...well, had I made more of an effort with you back then, perhaps your…  SAYORI: Us drifting apart didn't cause me to be depressed, Hisao. Truthfully...I don't really know why I developed depression. There's a lot I don't know about my condition, but one thing I know is that it doesn't really need a reason. That's what my doctor said the last time I tried therapy. So please, don't you ever think that you somehow contributed to my depression, okay? You're like the polar opposite. When I'm with you, I'm happy. You make me feel like I'm actually worth something, even though my brain tries really hard to tell me that you're lying. HISAO: Yeah, but that's in the present. What about in the past? When there were years where we didn't hang out at all? SAYORI: I actually had this conversation with Monika once, ehe. It's normal for friendships to be like that, I think. You can go a long time without talking to someone...but if you reconnect with them and you can both get along as if nothing ever happened, did anything really change? I pause upon hearing her words. I guess she does have a point, but I'm finding it hard to internalize. She reaches forward and strokes my face, gently lifting my chin up so we maintain eye contact. SAYORI: The way I see it, we get along just as well now as when we did as kids. Besides...what happened in the past was the past. If anything, the time apart made me appreciate the time I do spend with you even more~ HISAO: Well, I'm glad you feel that way, Sayori, I really am. It's just...well, you going to therapy today made me realize the reality of depression, and it made me reflect on how much I've been absent in your life… ... I uh...didn't mean to spring this on you out of the blue like that. Especially when you wanted to take your mind off therapy...it was pretty inconsiderate of me. SAYORI: It's okay! It really is. I'm just glad that we can talk these things out, you know? You've been really patient with me, so it's the least I can do for you. And I'd much rather we talked about whatever bothers you than you bottling it up! After all, bottles are meant to be shared, right?~ I can't help but laugh. That was clever. HISAO: Haha, if you say so. SAYORI: I do~ Seriously, Hisao, please don't blame yourself for anything, okay? I've been much happier ever since you came back into my life. I wouldn't have been able to go to therapy if you weren't with me. And like you said....well, I agree - it is a big step to take. There's a faraway look in her eyes as she ponders her next words. SAYORI: I'd gone so many years thinking that this was something I'd have to bear alone. But I have to admit that it's nice not having go through this by myself. She squeezes my hand. Besides...we can't really change the past, can we? HISAO: Yeah...I guess you're right. SAYORI: You really do have such a big heart, you know that? Nothing ever changed with you. HISAO: And that's never going to change. It's moments like these that really bring about a warm, fuzzy feeling inside of me. I've never felt anything like this before, but it feels so...right. SAYORI: Now! I think we have some jigsaws to collect! HISAO: Of course. Let's get back to the game, shall we? She reaches for the controller and starts playing once more. Within seconds we're whisked away into a world of childhood memories. The feel of her warmth in my arms, the sound of her innocent laughter and the smell of her hair… That little voice of guilt remains, but it's now easier to ignore it. 7. Free Time - Doki Doki Blue Skies OST  SAYORI: Wow, it's super late already! And tomorrow's a school day as well… No fun. HISAO: Tell me about it. Monday mornings are the absolute worst. Not even Sakurai can save them. SAYORI: I just want another break… HISAO: We just had our Christmas one! SAYORI: I know, I know… Oh well… Anyway, I should get going. HISAO: Awww, leaving so soon? My attempt at pulling puppy dog eyes causes her to laugh and shake her head. SAYORI: But it's lateeeee…. I reach toward her and pull her into an embrace. In a playful attempt to stop her from leaving, I push her back down onto the sofa, wrapping my arms tightly around her body. HISAO: Muhahaha! You've fallen into my grand trap! Now there's no escape! SAYORI: Aaaaah! You've caught meeeeeeeee! Whatever can I dooooooo? HISAO: Nothing! My mastermind plan is absolutely foolproof! SAYORI: Is it Sayori-proof? HISAO: Hmm? What do yo- Her lips meet mine and immediately I'm taken away into another world. Man, it's almost scary how powerful the sensation is whenever we kiss. HISAO: ...No fair. SAYORI: Are you complaining? If you'd prefer, I could just… Her tone is innocent and playful. SAYORI: 1cxa Not kiss you again? HISAO: Hey, I didn't say that! Okay, okay… You win. But there's one thing you didn't prepare for? SAYORI: Oh? And what could that be? I quickly boop her on the nose. HISAO: Boop. Uwa! SAYORI: Surprise sneaky boops aren't allowed! HISAO: Oh, but surprise sneaky kisses are? SAYORI: You had me trapped! It was just self-defence! HISAO: So was my boop. SAYORI: ...This isn't over, meanie! HISAO: Looking forward to our rematch then. I reach over and check my phone. It's almost midnight. As much as I hate to admit it, we probably should call it a day. ...Although, having said that… An idea just popped into my mind.  >I’ll walk you home. >You can uh…stay the night? Since the thread picked exercise earlier, we’ll be opting to walk her home. The choices mostly cosmetic; it just changes how the rest of the scene unfolds and where the next scene happens, but it doesn’t change our ending or anything. They lead to the same situation. =>I’ll walk you home. HISAO: I’ll walk you home. SAYORI: Aren't you the gentleman?  HISAO: Well...I'll see you tomorrow, Sayori. Sweet dreams. I kiss her goodnight and turn around to leave. SAYORI: ...Hisao? HISAO: Yeah? SAYORI: Can you stay with me? HISAO: Overnight? SAYORI: ...Yeah. If that's okay? HISAO: 'Course it is. Thinking about it, I'd also get to make us breakfast in the morning. SAYORI: I'd like that. As I mentally survey the room, I'm struck by how messy it is. To think that before I knew about her depression, I just thought she was too lazy to clean everything up. How little I knew back then… SAYORI: So which side of the bed do you want? HISAO: Can we both fit on it? SAYORI: I don't know to be honest… I've never slept with anyone before! There's an awkward silence for a second, made slightly comical by fact Sayori hasn't realized the implications of her words. Typical. HISAO: Haha, well...I suppose there's only one way to find out. After completing my bedtime preparations, I wearily slide into bed, thinking about the conversations that took place today. There's been a lot to take in, I suppose. Thinking about it, today could've gone a lot worse. I just hope that doesn't change. The bedroom door opens to reveal a sleepy looking Sayori in her pajamas. As Sayori approaches the bed, I can't help but notice how nice her legs look in those shorts… HISAO: Won't you be cold in those pajamas? SAYORI: Nope~ I have you to warm me up, remember? I'm suddenly very grateful that I have the blanket covering my body. Resting her head on my chest, she looks up at me, moves in for a quick kiss, and giggles. At such proximity, I can hear her heartbeat. Her hands feel soft and warm against the fabric of my shirt. She's incredibly warm, but it isn't overbearing in the slightest. On instinct, I wrap my arm around her body and rest my face atop her hair. HISAO: Good night, Sayori. I plant a kiss on her forehead. SAYORI: Good night, Hisao.
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Jun 9, 2022 22:10
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where are your parents, sayori
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Jun 10, 2022 00:30
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They either work overseas, work 16 hours a day 7 days a week, or died of overwork.
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Jun 10, 2022 01:18
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rannum posted:where are your parents, sayori this update even more so than earlier felt like, well, adults, and i'd already been thinking about how often this genre convention* only barely engages with the pretext that the characters are basically kids. I'm personally not bothered super much by this - if you look at discourse around Tokimeki Memorial for example, it's not about being a realistic vision of HS, it's about the adult fantasies of what HS could have been like. Realism is just...not a serious consideration, and tbh I'm most of the time down with that, a lot of "realism" critique is just cinemasins style anti-engagement and it's neither fun nor enlightening. Anyway I guess it's just kind of interesting since I felt like Hisao in particular was being quite childish earlier, acting like a toddler about somebody else's feelings, but here the two are able to share a bed without losing their minds in anxiety and hormones. I don't know that I consider it a problem. And as much as there are reasons to not do individual therapy with your partner, well, Sayori seems to have actively wanted that so seems kosher to me. And just totally out of nowhere does anybody else feel like Sayori's white-blue pastel shirt with pastel pink coat reminds them of the trans flag? *i read a lot of trashy slice of life romance manga
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Jun 10, 2022 04:00
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I don't think the parents thing would bug me as much if they didn't go out of their way to have Hisao's parents as divorced/inthe process of divorcing and thus the house is empty as a plot point (+he calls his mom a fair bit) I'm not really docking the game for it or anything, the character beats come first so its more just a sily detail you're not meant to think about, but it's enough of a thing where I can't help but think about it 
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Jun 10, 2022 14:11
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Falconier111 posted:(Text Noise)
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Jun 10, 2022 15:59
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Cloacamazing! posted:Hisao, you dense motherfucker. To be fair I would have been exactly that dense at that age in that situation. E: wow, one word really changed the meaning of that sentence Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 16:25 on Jun 11, 2022 |
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Jun 11, 2022 00:36
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| # ? May 2, 2024 03:14 |
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will not post update at bottom of page
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Jun 13, 2022 21:58
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