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I used to be one of those ‘I don’t have an addictive personality, blah blah blah’ people - booze just depresses me, weed makes me irritable, psychedelics are very much not fun for me, opiates don’t have a huge effect unless used in huge expensive doses and coke is fun for about ten minutes. Then I met mr. meth. Holy poo poo, talk about feeling like everything I hate about myself is immediately fixed three minutes after doing some. I’m truly convinced I’d be dead if I smoked it - I used to eat it, the rush is much milder but it lasts for an incredibly long period of time. A friend of mine once told me ‘you can do speed and generally hold it together if you don’t smoke it, but everybody I’ve ever known turns into a useless pile of poo poo if they start smoking it”. This was in the very early Nineties when crack was still the big drug terror and meth was kinda under the radar. That was a rough four years. No stimulants ever again for me, poo poo, I think my synapses endings look like the aftermath of a forest fire anyway. Anyway, I guess my point is that willpower only lasts until you find the right(or wrong, I suppose) chemical/person/etc., then you’re hosed.
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Mar 16, 2022 11:51
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 02:59 |
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kntfkr posted:you still think your brain is hosed up even after years of abstinence? Yeah, to some degree. I don’t really feel strong emotions anymore, everything’s just sort of ‘meh’ - I think they call that anhedonia? I’m sure it’s a dopamine/serotonin thing, but I really don’t want to go down the psych drug path, I’m pretty much used to it by now. I can really see why the relapse rate is so bad for meth users.
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Mar 20, 2022 12:39
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