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Our local grocery carries habanero peppers for $0.25 a piece. Me being the culinary genius that I am, I decided to by 4 of them without knowing what I was going to use them for. Fast forward 1 week, I'm rooting through my fridge and come across the little bag of menacing nuclear orange shriveled nut sacks. I'm gonna make some salsa with these bad boys  I throw in all the usual ingredients: tomatoes, onion, cilantro, lime juice, salt. I had some jalapenos too so i figured "what the heck let's do 2 types of chili, it'll be more substantive." I recall briefly thinking to myself "I really ought to find the nitrile gloves that are buried somewhere under the sink" but the thought passed and I proceeded to start choppin'. Jalapenos are done, I get to work on the habanero, bare handed as the day I was born. I could smell the acrid, almost acidic heat coming from the peppers as soon as i started chopping them. I minced them as finely as I possibly could and threw it all in the mix. Fast forward a few hours. My wife and I had chowed down on the salsa which was causing me to sweat profusely along with putting away more than half a bottle of tequila between the two of us. At some point I had touched my face below my right eye and my cheek had begun to burn but the tequila said "don't worry amigo it's nothing". Fast forward another hour, the bottle of tequila is almost gone and we're sprawled out on the couch talking nonsense. My pants had started to ride high and my junk was uncomfortably pressed against my thigh so I reach in for a quick adjustment. While I was down there I gave myself a good scratch all the way from the back of the sack to the base of the shaft. I'll admit it, after I pulled my hand from the netherzone I went for a quick wiff of my own stank only to catch the smell of lime juice, onions and ballsweat. I've made a fatal mistake... I've been kicked in the nuts, I've sat down on my balls too fast, I've even pinched em in my zipper. This was different though, I've never felt a pain like this before. It was like some horrible spicy goblin was holding a flame to my sack while somehow simultaneously raking them with his horrible red hot spicy goblin claws. At some point I jumped in the shower and scrubbed them furiously but it offered little relief. They were still tingling even the next morning. In addition to a few cheap laughs, I hope this tale of folly and tequila soaked buffoonery will steer you clear of making the same mistake as I. Washing your hands once isn't enough. Washing them twice still probably isn't enough. Stay safe goons.
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Mar 17, 2022 03:20
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| # ? May 12, 2024 10:27 |
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habaneros are great but they will indeed punish your genitals like a cruel mistress if you slip up next time dip your balls in milk to neutralize the capsaicin
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Mar 17, 2022 03:22
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Spicy ballsack
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Mar 17, 2022 03:23
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Toss them into a blender OP. Then pour them out into a bowl. Stick your hand into the bowl, fully covering it with Habenro juice. Next stick your hand up your rear end. It's called the Fire Crack.
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Mar 17, 2022 03:28
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If you blend your balls where will you keep all the piss?
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Mar 17, 2022 03:34
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This happened to me but with Carolina Reaper. Was over dinner at my in-law’s house and her dad shows me a few Carolina Reaper peppers someone gave him. I just touched the bag with my hand. A few minutes later I went to pee. When I came back I started feeling a tingling on the tip of my schlong. It started getting stronger and more painful. Eventually my penor felt like it was on fire. I didn’t immediately put 2 and 2 together and figure it was from the pepper bag I touched. I thought something was seriously wrong. I was just sitting at the dinner table sweating in front of my wife’s whole family with a stabbing pain on my cock. I thought I was going to have to go to the ER or something. I excused myself from the table and ran into the bathroom and washed my dick in their sink. That was the last time I came close to a Carolina Reaper.
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Mar 17, 2022 03:56
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Balls and penis
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Mar 17, 2022 04:01
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i prefer vaporub tbh
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Mar 17, 2022 04:02
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i thoguth this thread ewas going to be a recipe for a spicy treat not some kind of SMUT 
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Mar 17, 2022 04:04
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Nooner posted:i thoguth this thread ewas going to be a recipe for a spicy treat not some kind of SMUT Aods ball
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Mar 17, 2022 04:08
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drat who needs pornhub when u got this thread
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Mar 17, 2022 04:10
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I got habanero juice in my urethra once whilst making chili. Chili is fuckin’ worth hours of urethral agony
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Mar 17, 2022 04:24
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One time we toasted anchos in a frying pan inside and everyone was essentially maced lol
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Mar 17, 2022 04:26
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My Russian step mom got a hotel room because she didn’t like being maced by us a la chili making
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Mar 17, 2022 04:27
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LuckyCat posted:One time we toasted anchos in a frying pan inside and everyone was essentially maced lol If I don’t have habanero vapor filling my lungs, rectum, and urethra, it’s just not real chili.
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Mar 17, 2022 04:27
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Nigmaetcetera posted:I got habanero juice in my urethra once whilst making chili. Chili is fuckin’ worth hours of urethral agony Pro tip, use a wooden spoon next time to stir.
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Mar 17, 2022 04:28
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We lost the chili competition which was GODDAMN BULLSHIT because my great uncle is [url= https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Goodnight]Charles goodnight[/url] and we made bison chili.
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Mar 17, 2022 04:29
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ligma balls
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Mar 17, 2022 04:30
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Ninurta posted:Pro tip, use a wooden spoon next time to stir. I whacked off like 45 seconds after chopping up a bunch of Mexican devil peppers, I think I may, in some very, very small way feel responsible Nah, nevermind, it wasn’t my fault
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Mar 17, 2022 04:31
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DELETE CASCADE posted:nigma balls
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Mar 17, 2022 04:31
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The only good advice my dad ever gave was not to touch yourself after cutting peppers
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Mar 17, 2022 04:34
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I thought this was gonna be like, delicious deep fried habanero cheese balls or like, a one of those cheese balls you spread on crackers. Actually, cream cheese would neutralize a lot of the heat. Maybe some bacon and pineapple in there? Maybe caramelize some onions, too.
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Mar 17, 2022 04:42
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Jalapeñis poppers
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Mar 17, 2022 04:44
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Treecko posted:The only good advice my dad ever gave was not to touch yourself after cutting peppers I blame him for what happened to my private relationship between me and my wiener. YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE THERE FOR ME TREECKO’S DAD! YOU loving SAID!
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Mar 17, 2022 04:50
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Putting your nutsack in a glass of cold milk will help, in my experience
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Mar 17, 2022 04:53
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If piss is stored in the balls, why didn’t you just piss yourself to counteract your fire scrote, OP?
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Mar 17, 2022 05:05
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Brother Tadger posted:Putting your nutsack in a glass of cold milk will help, in my experience No man. Just no. It doesn’t work. Maybe if it was a milkshake, or a Frosty from Wendy’s.
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Mar 17, 2022 05:11
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Just be glad you don’t wear contacts OP.
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Mar 17, 2022 05:16
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congrats op your sterile now
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Mar 17, 2022 05:23
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how is it 2022 and we still don't have multi-tag support   
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Mar 17, 2022 05:23
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I want to suck urethra burning dick
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Mar 17, 2022 05:41
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I just want some milk and I’m not worried where it comes from, I’m pretty thirsty.
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Mar 17, 2022 06:05
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Nigmaetcetera posted:I just want some milk and I’m not worried where it comes from, I’m pretty thirsty. They'll kill me if I speak out
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Mar 17, 2022 06:09
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Im gon a throw up 
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Mar 17, 2022 06:25
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Nooner posted:Im gon a throw up Nooner!
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Mar 17, 2022 06:32
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There is no way I'm reading all of that bullshit, op. Nice try.
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Mar 17, 2022 08:10
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Pee on it like a jelly fish sting. Its the only 100% actual cure.
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Mar 17, 2022 08:13
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Brother Tadger posted:Putting your nutsack in a glass of cold milk will help, in my experience Why are you making ball cheese?
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Mar 17, 2022 09:52
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My body releases all the sweat from all the pores the second I taste something even slightly spicy and I'm pretty sure it's a defense mechanism against this. I actually love super spicy food but I get worried people see me sopping and think drat that white boy really isn't handling the spice even while I shove more spicy food down my throat hole.
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Mar 17, 2022 10:03
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| # ? May 12, 2024 10:27 |
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great big cardboard tube posted:My body releases all the sweat from all the pores the second I taste something even slightly spicy and I'm pretty sure it's a defense mechanism against this. Yeah, same for me. I'll eat a whole jar of ghost pepper salsa or a bag of crazy hot beef jerky in one sitting (at the expense of my gastrointestinal system) and just be sweating bullets like i'm in the drat sauna. People think I'm dying, but I'm really in a capsaicin induced delirium. It's a good thing.
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Mar 17, 2022 16:46
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