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Buce
Dec 23, 2005

Dixville posted:

One time I thought i was going to choke to death on shirataki noodles. I guess they don't sit well with me so i woke up in the middle of the night vomiting them up but instead of just coming out they got caught in my throat and i had to pull them out with my hands. Never again

Also one time i hydroplaned and went into a tail spin in the middle of rush hour on the interstate.

A shitload of people in japan choke to death on konnyaku every year. I mean, it's usually when the stuff is on the way down, but your way is cool too.

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A Bakers Cousin
Dec 18, 2003

by vyelkin
Was handed an IED in Afghanistan and as I was carrying it away i felt a cell phone vibrate inside it. Luckily, a wire was broken.

Lascivious Sloth
Apr 26, 2008

by sebmojo
I think this thread proves that the world is going to be a safer place with self-driving cars.. driving is frikn dangerous. (and swimming apparently)

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]
i got caught in rip tides all the time when i was surfing

the trick is to just swim parallel to the shore until you are out of it and then head back in. it helps to always remember a reference point/object to judge your distance at a glance

Fur20
Nov 14, 2007

すご▞い!
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね!
add me to the list of goons who almost died of covid :coronatoot:

got it doing teaching in early 2020. the initial infection was of medium severity, but while i probably should've gone to the hospital, i didn't. mostly because i couldn't afford to miss work lol. a week later i got insane pneumonia, like i could barely breathe at night and ended up coughing so hard that i shattered my ribs. from the inside. i got a chest x-ray for that but it turned out the poo poo in my lungs was so dense that the doctor was shocked i was alive at all, let alone that i walked myself to his clinic. but i was in a country that didn't really "do" pneumonia at that time, so in the absence of treatment his recommendation to me was this:

:hai: "please try to breathe."
:smaug: "what, like, inhale deeply right now?"
:hai: "hmm no it's different......... please do your best to breathe"
:smaug: "OH. i see"

i guess i took his advice because im not dead (afaik?) but certainly those were not the best days of my life

CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013



acejackson42 posted:

Caught flesh-eating disease on my rear end cheek. Doc had to carve a bunch of dead flesh out and I was under sedation for five days. I was on so much prednisone and morphine and god knows what else when I was brought back I thought I was actually in hell, and the hospital had been abandoned and this was my fate, to be in a hospital bed on the edge of death. I thought I was going to die, and the walls were running blood.

Then five minutes later the walls were all purple plush, a music video was blasting on the big screen TV in my room and the nurses were dancing in the hallway with a bunch of flashing lights.

I was in an intensive care ward. None of this was happening.

This reminds me of my last serious head injury, which involved multiple skull fractures and a few weeks in the hospital. I have the most vivid false memories from that time, like my hospital room opening onto a golf course, or going to a movie theater a floor down from my room. I vaguely remember some real things, like being put in a straitjacket type thing because I kept pulling my IVs out and trying to leave. And I remember what seems like constant CAT scans, over and over and over.

Apparently the doctors had told my family to "make arrangements" for me when I was first helicoptered in, but they didn't know me and that I tolerate head injuries surprisingly well.

I've had a lot of other close calls, but I don't really keep track or just don't remember some of them. My own personal drowning trauma was at a hotel pool when we were visiting Disneyland when I was 7 or so, and a German tourist and his teenage son just absolutely ran me over in the pool. I already was kind of iffy about swimming, and relied on inflatable water wings to feel comfortable, and those assholes instilled a phobia about swimming into me that lasted into my teens or twenties.

empty sea
Jul 17, 2011

gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset
Most of my close calls were riding horses between 13 and 22. I had a few horses fall when I was riding them and luckily they fell sideways instead of straight backwards so yeah, I was sore in the morning but I didn't have 1000+ lbs fall directly on me. Also had one horse refuse to go faster than a walk when my girth ended up insanely loose and another come to a dead stop from a canter when my saddle slipped and I was suddenly sideways on him. Most of my falls were ok, but I rang the poo poo out of my head once falling off once or twice. Always wear a helmet, people. I saw a woman slip her saddle and the horse eventually bucked her and the saddle off and she ended up ok, but her helmet was dented like if you'd crushed a plastic bottle from the hooves hitting it repeatedly.

Some horses knock you down in a field or leap at you to bite you or buck you off and run away, but most horses are nicer than they should be to people. I've been pulled off my feet, bitten, kicked and bucked off but if they had wanted to actually kill me, I'd have been dead a long time ago.

If I wasn't poor af in an apartment I'd have horses.

LizzieBorden
Dec 6, 2009

She's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
She's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
She's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
She just hacks, wacks, chopping that meat

Chumbawumba4ever97 posted:

What happened? 12 pound baby that came out sideways?

5lb 5oz baby, but my blood pressure dropped very suddenly, and the baby's heart rate went really low, so then they had to pull her out.

I didn't even get a cool massive baby to show people.

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
I almost got trampled by a horse too. Not from a saddle mishap, but because my dumb dad didn't know uncle Bob had taken me down to the coral to learn to ride.

So he decided it was time to do some target practice and shoot some cans with a revolver.

Spooked the hell out of poor old Velvet and she tossed me off and started to run around the enclosure. Landed on my back and knocked the wind out of me.I rolled out of the way in time but it was close.

lo carb Lo Pan
Oct 8, 2004

Blacked out 40 feet underwater while scuba diving. Woke up breathing water with no one around me and thought "this is it". Woke up again getting loaded into an ambulance and puking and then spent a week on a ventilator. I miss the hobby, spent so much time doing it, just one really bad experience.

Extra row of tits
Oct 31, 2020
Was crossing a pedestrian crossing when a guy driving down the road just didn't stop.

Missed me completely but cleaned my partner out, broken pelvis, legs and assorted "could have been worse" injuries. Our baby was alive for the first scan, but not for the second.

Lascivious Sloth
Apr 26, 2008

by sebmojo

lo carb Lo Pan posted:

Blacked out 40 feet underwater while scuba diving. Woke up breathing water with no one around me and thought "this is it". Woke up again getting loaded into an ambulance and puking and then spent a week on a ventilator. I miss the hobby, spent so much time doing it, just one really bad experience.

How did you black out? did you go up/down too fast? How did the get you up after you blacked out while also making sure you ascend without causing the bends?

lo carb Lo Pan
Oct 8, 2004

Lascivious Sloth posted:

How did you black out? did you go up/down too fast? How did the get you up after you blacked out while also making sure you ascend without causing the bends?

Lost my reg after bumping into something I couldn't see and recovered it. Blacked out while trying to calm the hell down and breathe. Panic sucks I guess. Someone fished me out and they flew me halfway across the state to get me to a decompression chamber that I didn't end up needing. No idea how I didn't get bent, but I get nosebleeds almost every week for the last three years and I lost half the hearing in one of my ears and have to wear a hearing aid now. Oh and a few episodes of panic when accidentally locked in a small dark room and I can't find a light switch.

You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

Extra row of tits posted:

Our baby was alive for the first scan, but not for the second.

drat :( Sorry for your loss.

Lascivious Sloth
Apr 26, 2008

by sebmojo

lo carb Lo Pan posted:

Lost my reg after bumping into something I couldn't see and recovered it. Blacked out while trying to calm the hell down and breathe. Panic sucks I guess. Someone fished me out and they flew me halfway across the state to get me to a decompression chamber that I didn't end up needing. No idea how I didn't get bent, but I get nosebleeds almost every week for the last three years and I lost half the hearing in one of my ears and have to wear a hearing aid now. Oh and a few episodes of panic when accidentally locked in a small dark room and I can't find a light switch.

Oh drat. are you sure you can't do more decompression chambers? Sounds like your cavities are hosed. Yeah freaking out down that far is pretty bad. Was it low visibility? That is kinda ironic they flew you out for the incident - aren't you NOT supposed to fly a day or two after scuba. 40 metres is pretty drat far down for an emergency ascent.

Lascivious Sloth
Apr 26, 2008

by sebmojo

Lascivious Sloth posted:

Oh drat. are you sure you can't do more decompression chambers? Sounds like your cavities are hosed. Yeah freaking out down that far is pretty bad. Was it low visibility? That is kinda ironic they flew you out for the incident - aren't you NOT supposed to fly a day or two after scuba. 40 metres is pretty drat far down for an emergency ascent.

edit: i've scubed over the years and done the certification courses, but don't know much else.

Lascivious Sloth
Apr 26, 2008

by sebmojo
why are my edits coming up as replies? am i just stupid?

lo carb Lo Pan
Oct 8, 2004

Lascivious Sloth posted:

Oh drat. are you sure you can't do more decompression chambers? Sounds like your cavities are hosed. Yeah freaking out down that far is pretty bad. Was it low visibility? That is kinda ironic they flew you out for the incident - aren't you NOT supposed to fly a day or two after scuba. 40 metres is pretty drat far down for an emergency ascent.

It's been three years almost to the day. The doctors said the nosebleeds are because they didn't humidify my oxygen when I was in it. I was completely out when they flew me around on their $40,000 medical helicopter tour around the state. When I woke up I didn't know what planet or city I was in. Also, feet, not meters. Was probably fine for a no decompression limit. I really have no idea how I'm alive at this point to be honest. Almost feel like I need to get back into the hobby and take the stress and rescue course so I can pay it forward some day if something horrific ever happened to a dive buddy.

Edit: Yeah I did something like 150 dives, I was doing too much trying to learn all new equipment in a new site I was not familiar with. I'm pretty sure I set myself up for failure.

CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013



lo carb Lo Pan posted:

It's been three years almost to the day. The doctors said the nosebleeds are because they didn't humidify my oxygen when I was in it. I was completely out when they flew me around on their $40,000 medical helicopter tour around the state. When I woke up I didn't know what planet or city I was in. Also, feet, not meters. Was probably fine for a no decompression limit. I really have no idea how I'm alive at this point to be honest. Almost feel like I need to get back into the hobby and take the stress and rescue course so I can pay it forward some day if something horrific ever happened to a dive buddy.

Edit: Yeah I did something like 150 dives, I was doing too much trying to learn all new equipment in a new site I was not familiar with. I'm pretty sure I set myself up for failure.

My medical helicopter tour was only $21,000 - I feel shortchanged.

Seriously, though, I'm super lucky I didn't end up owing anything for that whole thing.

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002

Man, gently caress diving jesus christ

There are some serious horror stories about that poo poo

Juando290
Apr 22, 2007

You stopped toe curlin in the hot tub cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you have seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.
Long post incoming. If you like gore, skip to the bottom and click the link.

All three of mine are generic that have been posted, and will be posted again after mine. Either way, here were my "barely escaped alive" moments.

Earliest was when I almost choked on broccoli. I was 5 years old. My mom was out in the garden and my dad was mowing and I decided to have a snack. I was too short to get to the microwave (and too lazy to get a chair) so I decided to eat some raw broccoli . I ended up getting a chunk stuck in my windpipe. 35 years later and I still remember the panic. For some reason I was focused on the fact that my dad mowing meant they couldn't hear me. Didn't register that I had no way of yelling in the first place. I ended up shoving my hand down my throat and was able to pull it out. In the act of actually forcing my hand past my teeth I ended up with bloody knuckles and knocked a couple baby teeth loose. I also remember my jaw hurt for a while after that.

Next was when I was a teenager, swimming on my own. I was pretty fit at the time (ran at least 7 miles every day for years without missing a day, every so often I would do a double) was a state competitor in multiple track and field events. Sadly, the muscles and stamina used for long distance running and short distance sprinting does not transfer to the muscles used for swimming, and I rarely swam. It was on a camping trip with some friends. We had all been swimming in a marina, and I decided to swim all the way across to a rock outcrop and swim back. My friends decided to head back to the camp site while I was finishing my lap. I realized I was getting tired and aborted going the whole way, but on the way back, I swam into a patch of some kind of aquatic grass/weeds/vines. It slowed me down to a crawl and my limbs kept getting caught. I actually had a moment in exhaustion that I had resigned myself to the fact that this was the end and I was not going to make it back to the dock. Somehow I fought through it and got to the dock edge and held on to it for a while to catch my breath. Eventually I was able to pull myself up and out and then just laid there for a solid 5 minutes almost crying. Took me years to swim in something other than a swimming pool after that, but I really don't like swimming in areas where I know the bottom is no less than 2 or 3 feet below me.

Finally, my crown jewel. The Grim Reaper was following me to work one day, but he must have blinked...that is the only way I can tell that I survived. My wife and I had only one car at the time and her office was about 5 miles away. my work was 3 miles away and there were bike paths leading to it, so I rode my bicycle to work. It was a pretty bad rear end electric bike I had built. Most days I would use electric portion so I would not get to work sweaty, and then bike under my own power for some exercise on my way home.

This particular day, I decided to actually bike under my own power. I only had a mile of actual road to cover before I hit the bike path. I had a backpack on, and my helmet was in the bag (you can see where this is going). I always had my helmet on at night since visibility is low, but during the day for a casual ride, I just didn't feel like I needed it. gently caress, was I wrong.

Most of the ride is level, but there was one small downhill area that I could pick up some speed (around 25 mph). So I am cruising, coming up on a gas station on my right. As I approached the gas station, there was a vehicle facing me in the turn lane to pull into the station. They had slowed to a crawl and I believed it was because they saw me and were giving me my right of way, so I don't touch my brakes and keep cruising. Randomly the car floors it and cuts me off at full throttle and i tagged the front passenger corner of their car and next thing I know, I am airborne. I don't remember hitting the ground, but I do remember Standing up and trying to collect my things. the person who hit me was out of her car and asking me if I was ok and I just said "You hit me you stupid bitch! What do you think?" She kept staring at me with her mouth agape. I thought it was because of me speaking rudely to her... come to find out later, she was really attempting to process how the bloody zombie man she was looking at was actually talking.

Unbeknownst to me, my face and forehead had been the thing that broke my fall. I had split my skin open and the underlying tissue had been sandpapered off, exposing my skull. I also had a cut in my left knee from her bumper that had cut about a quarter to a third of the way into my knee. I remember seeing blood on my knee and thinking that I needed to go home and change my clothes for work, and call and let them know I would be late. I could not understand why there were probably five people standing around telling me to lay on the ground with worried looks on their faces. One of the guys that stopped was an ex EMT. He was the one who called 911 and forced me to sit while he cradled my neck and head (he kept trying to get me to lay on the ground, but I guess I wasn't having any of that and he didn't want to fight me) While he was on the phone, all the sudden two words he said caught my attention. "skull exposed". I passed out right around then. I guess I came around a few times while the ambulance was coming but I have no memory of that. Later I found out one of the times I woke up, I said "I wasn't wearing my helmet, my wife is going to kill me. My wife is going to kill me." So the basest of my functioning lizard brain knew that the real hell was my wife who always asked me to wear my helmet.

So, I got lucky on many levels. The reason the lady floored it was because she was trying to determine if she could make the turn in time before a vehicle that was coming down the road got there. She never saw me in the sun (early morning, and I was coming at her with the Sun to my back and I was shaded by some trees) Ended up with concussion, TBI, and a hell of a lot of stitched/reconstruction. that was another stroke of luck, I had immediate care by a professional plastic surgeon who happened to be visiting a friend in the hospital...otherwise it would have been standard trauma folk patching me up (think field medic vs a true artist). Also found out that if my head had been turned another two inches to the left, according to two different surgeons, I would have just died on the spot. I don't know the details of why, just that I was lucky.

Now, I have a section of my head that is just skin over bone, no fat has come back. Hurts like a bastard if I bump it. When I was recovering, I had a pencil eraser sized hole in my head where you could still see my skull. Five years later, and I still bleed from the scar every so often (they had to stretch my skin together since there was no recoverable tissue from the accident, most had been ground into parmesan cheese). I still have short term memory issues, but that has gotten better over the years. Took three years for me to get on a bike again, and still rarely go on the road, just trail and bike path riding.

There is a reason I mentioned that it was an e-bike. Realistically, if I had been using the motor, I would have been going faster, and in the exact same accident, I probably would have been a gonner...but here is the kicker, If I had been using it, I would have passed that gas station way before the lady who hit me arrived there. I would have completely missed her and it would have been a normal day. The lesson I learned? Exercise kills.

Here is a link to some of the pictures. If you have a weak stomach, don't click, lots of blood and, well, you read my post. First picture is when they were prepping me to get stitched. Second was after the surgeon was done. Third and fourth were one and two days after the accident. The fifth is crazy, because it was taken only 17 days after the accident. Credit to my (as my wife calls it) Wolverine healing powers.

https://imgur.com/a/vl504lP

netch-a-sketch
Dec 24, 2019
Found a lump in my breast, I was making GBS threads my pants and crying for a full week until I could get a doctors appointment. Turned out to be something harmless called a 'breast mouse'. Very common in AFAB people my age and totally harmless.

Also another time I smoked too much weed and freaked the gently caress out and was 99% sure I was gonna die lmao

CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013




Okay, I usually win when it comes to TBI stories with my skull fractures, but you got me beat. Yikes. I've got a little survivor's guilt over having little in the way of side effects other than losing my sense of smell for a few years and it being a bit unreliable when it finally came back.

netch-a-sketch
Dec 24, 2019

Juando290 posted:

Finally, my crown jewel. The Grim Reaper was following me to work one day, but he must have blinked...that is the only way I can tell that I survived. My wife and I had only one car at the timeHere is a link to some of the pictures. If you have a weak stomach, don't click, lots of blood and, well, you read my post. First picture is when they were prepping me to get stitched. Second was after the surgeon was done. Third and fourth were one and two days after the accident. The fifth is crazy, because it was taken only 17 days after the accident. Credit to my (as my wife calls it) Wolverine healing powers.

https://imgur.com/a/vl504lP

God drat that is gnarly. And what a story, too. Seems like it was the adrenaline that kept you going at first. Crazy what the human body is capable of. Glad you're still with us to tell the tale, and hope that skull skin gets less painful as the years go by.

Jesustheastronaut!
Mar 9, 2014




Lipstick Apathy

Lascivious Sloth posted:

Wondering if anyone else has had experiences they thought they were honestly gone and 100% dead, no passing go? Can be ironic or serious I dont care
1. 11 years old fell into a pit full of sewerage with that black tarpolin so couldn't crawl out, it was full of snakes that got trapped, was in a forest. A friend grabbed my arm as I was sliding in and pulled me out.

Had almost this exact same thing happen to me when I was like 5 years old. Dad had the septic tank cracked open but there was only enough for a small kid to fall into. I was running around the yard, slipped, and fell in and a teenager from the neighborhood who was giving my dad a hand apparently caught me right as I started to fall in. If he hadn't, nobody else would have been able to fit down there and I probably would have drowned to death in literal poo poo and piss and in near-total darkness.

Mr. Fix It
Oct 26, 2000

💀ayyy💀


put some of this, or something very similar on some popcorn:



inhaled while shoveling popcorn into my goonish maw. powder went down the wrong tube and just about sealed everything off. luckily there was still some air getting through and eventually my body worked all the gunk out of my windpipe. still wonder if everything for the last decade plus isn't some "An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge"-type hallucination

Mister Speaker
May 8, 2007

WE WILL CONTROL
ALL THAT YOU SEE
AND HEAR
When I was 18 I had my first motorcycle, a 1988 Ninja 250 in beautiful condition. I worked a few hours north of the city at a summer camp, and every week on my day off I'd go ride around the nice roads in the area.

This one spot had a very sudden rise and dip in the road, the kind that would give you that weightless feeling like on a rollercoaster. I kept hitting it faster and faster, until one day I crossed it at around 115kph.

I was completely airborne for a second. The engine screamed as the rear wheel left the asphalt and I thought "gently caress I am going to wobble out and eat poo poo," but when the bike and I landed, the handlebars only jerked once, smacking into my gas tank and denting it before straightening out.

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005


Juando290 posted:

While he was on the phone, all the sudden two words he said caught my attention. "skull exposed". I passed out right around then

While it's unbelievably lame/tame compared to your story and definitely not a near death experience, I experienced the whole thing where you are fine until you realize that your wound is worse than you thought, and all of sudden your body is like "welp better pass out" last week when I lobbed off half my finger tip while preparing dinner. It seems like such a weird and counterintuitive evolutionary response.

coolusername
Aug 23, 2011

cooltitletext
The beach has tried to kill me multiple times:

As a kid: on the mossy stone steps of the ocean pool, I slipped backwards, cracked my head on the steps and tumbled straight into the actual ocean half-conscious. Fortunately I was with my mum and she dived in to get me out, and I ended up in the ER checked out for a concussion while still dripping saltwater everywhere.

At the same beach, a couple of years later, I got hit by a massive wave and pulled under. I couldn’t break out of the undertow and was panicking and holding my breath until I suddenly felt a wave of peace and calm. I went completely limp, let the wave wash me out instead of fighting it and losing air, and popped up again a bit out to shore.

Oh, another time I got caught in a rip on a beach with no lifeguards and basically spent a solid half an hour slowly floating around on my back waiting for it to bring me back to shore and thinking ‘drat I really hope this isn’t taking me out to sea to get eaten by sharks’. I learnt my lesson about lifeguards with that one.

Nowadays I am an excellent swimmer.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
When I was 11 years old, I became a Boy Scout to appease my father. My troop went on a weekend camp out, Friday to Sunday. It was pretty boring, as the only thing I remember enjoying was trading Pokémon with my friend Bryant. I come home Sunday evening only to discover I couldn’t breathe. Being someone with asthma, my family owned a nebulizer, and I was quickly inhaling that sweet sweet albuterol. I was in bed for a week, and after going to a doctor I found out I was allergic to grass.

Needless to say, I quit Scouting and became a goon.

Ape Fist
Feb 23, 2007

Nowadays, you can do anything that you want; anal, oral, fisting, but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.
Last year I had the first of what were several serious panic attacks and I'd never had them before in my life. I didn't think I was going to 'die', but it was honestly probably one of the worst experiences of my life.

It started a six month long period where I had regular daily anxiety episodes that only in the last few months have I gotten ahold of. The stress of being a parent, being massively overcaffinated all the time (I was drinking about 6-8 cups of coffee before noon, and then maybe an entire 1.5l bottle of coke zero throughout the rest of the day), and just not hydrating properly were likely massive contributors.

I now drink decaff everything, don't drink coke, try to chug a good litre of water every day, take CBD drops in the morning, and try to get a good solid hour of rowing a week (trying to get that up) and its MOSTLY back in its box but I guess I probably have a bunch of unworked-out poo poo going on in my head.

Lascivious Sloth
Apr 26, 2008

by sebmojo

veni veni veni posted:

While it's unbelievably lame/tame compared to your story and definitely not a near death experience, I experienced the whole thing where you are fine until you realize that your wound is worse than you thought, and all of sudden your body is like "welp better pass out" last week when I lobbed off half my finger tip while preparing dinner. It seems like such a weird and counterintuitive evolutionary response.

Happened to me when I crashed my motorbike. Got straight up, a massive scratch down the front of my helmet like a velociraptor took a swipe at me.. realised I can't move my hand, I punched the ground as I fell and broke it (a lot). Then the adrenaline wore off after 5 minutes and I felt so sick with pain.

Slothful Bong
Dec 2, 2018

Filling the Void with Chaos
Nothing like the diving stories (wtf), but I’ve had a couple really close calls.

1. Had a seizure while driving, crashed my car into an auto body shop, regained consciousness to someone banging on the window screaming the car was on fire. Was really strange, I was fine then everything went white and I saw these black figures and they were beckoning me home. Still dunno what my brain was doing.

2. Attempted to dive off a building on top of a dam. Was probably 50-70 feet off the water, and I totally hosed up and hit at a really bad angle. Broke my nose, a few ribs, and had the worst pain in my balls for like a month.

3. Had something happen and stopped breathing (while I was driving lol). This happened facing a highway entrance ramp, and somehow my foot pressed on the brake so I didn’t go careening into active traffic. The lady behind me got out to check and I was apparently turning purple. Ambulance made it in time, I didn’t die. I still think about that random lady occasionally, no clue who she was but she saved my life.

Everything else is “someone cut me off on highway and I magically didn’t die” and similar. Plus watching friends die in terrible car accidents. I have PTSD from driving as a result, and really wish everyone realized how stupidly dangerous it is so I don’t have to have panic attacks when I’m on the highway.

Juando290
Apr 22, 2007

You stopped toe curlin in the hot tub cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you have seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.

netch-a-sketch posted:

God drat that is gnarly. And what a story, too. Seems like it was the adrenaline that kept you going at first. Crazy what the human body is capable of. Glad you're still with us to tell the tale, and hope that skull skin gets less painful as the years go by.

I am glad too. I don't know that the pain will ever go away when it is bumped. I never realized how much tissue is actually between the scalp and skull until it was removed. Now it is really just skin/scar tissue and then bone right behind it.

What was funny is since they had to stretch my skin together, I basically got an insurance paid, sloppy facelift. other than the scar, no more forehead wrinkles. I did get a weird hairline out of it though. The oddest part was how my brain had to rewire my body awareness...for the first couple months if I touched near the scar, it felt like I was touching several inches over since that's where the nerve endings had been previously. An extreme way of describing it would be touching your ear but having it feel like you were touching your nose. It is only a couple inches, but it shows how your body is mapped out perfectly and usually knows where a feeling is coming from (just like how you can find a scratch on your back with your hand, but describing where to scratch to another person becomes a game of hot and cold) but instead I had to play that game with myself.

enomie
Aug 10, 2017

I get delayed expectations of death. When I was 17 I was swimming at a water hole with my mates and got swept towards a waterfall. One of my mates jumped in and grabbed me and then he started getting swept over too and then another one on the shore reached out and grabbed his arm, and then another grabbed that guy's arm and they dragged us to shore. It didn't seem that bad at the time, but 10 years later I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and thought holy poo poo, I nearly died at that waterfall.

When I was 20 I was drunk at my uni college and fell out of a second story window backwards. I hit a tree on the way down, bounced, and landed flat on my back. There were people all around me and after a minute or so my breath came back and I got up and went to bed. Again, years later I woke up in the middle of the night panicking about this. Also had a chest x-ray later for unrelated reasons and the doctor said "you seem to have had a pneumothorax at some time in the past, how did that happen?" I had no answer but I suspect it was the night of the window.

Age 21 I was in the pasenger seat and me and my mate who was driving were both drunk and he hit a power pole. The cops at the scene said that if the wires in the pole has touched the car we would have died. Again, I laughed at the time and had a nocturnal panic attack about it years later.

enomie fucked around with this message at 05:54 on Apr 20, 2022

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Tulalip Tulips
Sep 1, 2013

The best apologies are crafted with love.
I have a seriously hard time flying since for whatever reason my brain imprinted really hard on TWA 800 so I assume I'm going to die on just about every flight I've ever taken. The worst incident though was when I was on a flight from Bhubaneshwar to New Delhi and it hit serious turbulance. It triggered a massive full on panic attack that was incredibly embarassing but physically everything turned out ok.

More seriously though, I got hit by a car on Valentines day when I was 10. I don't remember how and I can't remember anything at all about that day. My first solid memory is realizing that I'm laying face up in the street about 10-15 feet from my house and that it's raining on my face. Then I can hear people screaming and feely dad pulling me out of the road but nothing really solid because I am in tremendous pain. In retrospect my dad probably shouldn't have moved me but I'm alive so it didn't matter much. I remember EMTs coming out and me screaming that my leg was broken while my grandma and dad decline an ambulance and instead drive me to the hospital.

In the end, while my left leg was seriously and massively hosed up by the car (and later by medical malpractice), I got off pretty lightly outside of convincing some poor guy he'd killed a kid with his car in front of her family and neighbors. According to my brother and my dad I was out for at least 5 minutes so probably also got a serious concussion that no one diagnosed. A few weeks later my dad wandered out and got lost in the woods for over week and my grandma kind of blames him seeing me getting hit by that car for it. Dad lost most of toes due to frostbite but he lived.

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