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listen johnson. both you and I know that you do absolutely diddly squat around here. any time you're not posting on that lavender and teal website with the kitten, you're in the can or getting coffee. here's the thing: I don't care. our company produces sex arses for god's sake, they sell themselves. pretty much anything you or I could do would just screw up the business. come up with a list of ten brilliant ideas I can take credit for that will never be implemented, tell everyone who asks that I'm busting your balls and leveraging your synergies, I will write a glowing performance review for you, and we'll collect our paychecks and gently caress off as soon as the boss heads out to golf. sound good?
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Apr 19, 2022 18:29
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on an unrelated note, please post in my thread, "brilliant but impractical business ideas for a sex arse company" |
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Apr 19, 2022 18:34
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MEMO TO MIDDLE MANAGERS REGARDING ASTERISKS AND BRACKETS Date: 4/20 From: Manifisto To: Middle Managers Re: Asterisks and Brackets It has come to the attention of senior management that certain middle managers continue to tolerate the use of asterisks, rather than brackets, to indicate action. As per legal, such disregard of company policy creates unacceptable risks both from a litigation and reputation standpoint. Effective immediately, any further use of asterisks to indicate action will result in a stern talking-to for any middle manager involved, unless said middle manager can demonstrate persuasively that this was the fault of the employee, not the middle manager. In the latter eventuality, the culpable employee will be terminated immediately, and the middle manager will be commended and, at upper management's discretion, recommended for promotion. In summary: * employees must use brackets, rather than asterisks, to indicate action * middle managers bear full responsibility for employee infractions, unless it was the employee's fault * in light of the 4/20 holiday, I am ripped to the loving tits while dictating this, holy poo poo
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Apr 20, 2022 16:08
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FOLLOWUP MEMO TO MIDDLE MANAGERS REGARDING INITIAL ASTERISKS AND BRACKETS MEMORANDUM Date: 4/20 From: Manifisto To: Middle Managers Re: Correction Regarding Asterisk and Bracket Policy Due to the oversight of an unnamed functionary (whose name rhymes with "loving brian,"), the previous upper management memorandum of today's date regarding asterisks and brackets contained an inadvertent misstatement. I am not "ripped to the loving tits," the dictation software mistranscribed the correct statement which was actually "I am tight-lipped about oven mitts," referring to our general policy of secrecy regarding Project Potroast. Please disregard that part while hewing strictly to the remainder of the memorandum. In summary: * not entirely sure what I was talking about but now I want potroast |
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Apr 20, 2022 16:22
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