|
Applewhite posted:You can only do magic if you first die and get resuscitated because doing magic involves communing with the spirit realm. This except instead of communication you’re just stealing as much magical poo poo in hell as you can. Better figure out how to be immortal because when you come back they’re going to be pissed
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 17:15
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 13, 2024 01:17 |
|
|
Every time you cast a spell you lose one digit. You get 10. That's it. I would not waste it on identifying an item.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 17:23
|
|
|
Literally A Person posted:Every time you cast a spell you lose one digit. You get 10. That's it. I would not waste it on identifying an item. This but it’s a digit of pi. You can cast anything you want as much as you want.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 17:28
|
|
|
Literally A Person posted:Every time you cast a spell you lose one digit. You get 10. That's it. I would not waste it on identifying an item. Gotta have a loophole so you can use other people's digits. Heck whole limbs!
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 17:33
|
|
|
Every time you cast a spell you have to listen to and comprehend an anecdote from a demon. When you want to cast a big spell you need a really big, old demon to supply the power, and they tell old person anecdotes that wander off and are really hard to follow so you need to train yourself in the demonic language and work on your concentration. If you don't answer the comprehension questions right at the end the demon will get upset and burn the energy on something else. Also some of the anecdotes are real hosed up demon stuff that you can put in your book to avoid classification in young adult lit.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 17:36
|
|
|
Colonel Cancer posted:Gotta have a loophole so you can use other people's digits. Heck whole limbs! That's how the BIG BAD GUY works.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:00
|
|
|
Necromancy is real but it's mostly just talking to the long dead and trying to convince them to do poo poo for you. The dead's power scales directly with their age but so do their racist and lovely views.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:04
|
|
|
Aright aright get this: Sexual Magic
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:06
|
|
|
Every person has a set amount of magic power, kind of like we all have the same amount of blood. It's all stored in an organ called the Magic Gizzard, and powerful magicians are constantly getting transplants to refill their magic.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:06
|
|
|
Magic power scales directly to the amount of spider species who have seen your naked buttocks. Nobody knows why it works, but the arachnid house at the zoo is just constant sex crimes.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:09
|
|
|
your magic power is derived from those you have enslaved via feeding them meat from their murdered blood relatives (sike this is a real system that enabled the trans atlantic slave trade)
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:10
|
|
|
Everyone knows three spells, but most people don't know they know them, and they might be for things like finding socks or re-flavouring chewing gum. You can teach the spells to other people, but only by person to person contact. The big wizards have magic that lets them search for powerful spells among the civilians so they can find them and drag it out, but you can also get more powerful quickly by attending a wizorgy.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:14
|
|
|
All the spells in the world are like jokes, and they cannot be cast without an audience. They come in all types, including the ones that work once, a few times, only work when presented to the right audience, or don't work at first but get more effective with repetition. Your book will be about a neurotic minor wizard who is working the circuit developing moderately powerful, business-class spells effective in front of an urban, middle class audience who accidentally produces a set that works wonders on invading hordes of slavering beastmen, gets seen by the right people on the right day, and is promoted to a big time they are entirely unprepared for. Debauchery, failure and angst ensue.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:25
|
|
|
Mage the Ascension but the spheres are literal celestial testicles you gotta fondle a certain way
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:31
|
|
|
Your magical power is based on calling upon the spirits of your ancestors, but you have to call on them by name, and if lots of people know they're their ancestor the power is diluted a lot. Aristocracy that can chase their family back 900 years are weak because they all can do it and they all call on the same bunch of idiots. Little old ladies who have traced their family back 400 years, where for most of the time the family were all beet farmers, are secretly the most powerful witches of all. I'm thinking a cosy mystery type thing.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:31
|
|
|
Magical power is directly related to the hoppiness of the beer just drunk multiplied by the shittiness of the pun in its name. Weedmancy using similar rules.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:33
|
|
|
A system of magic where the magician draws on a paper a symbol to represent the magical effect, and then jacks off. It only works for summoning blobs of spooge.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 18:39
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:Potions only: A potion hangover is like your brain astrally projected to the pain dimension. Linux Pirate posted:Drug magic. Harder the drug, the stronger the magic. You could be a powerful wizard but the drugs wreak havoc on your body and mind. Parties stick to light users and tend to avoid bringing full blown wizards along because it's like babysitting a crack addict. You know their bullshit is going to get you into trouble, but to defeat the dark lord that stands between you and your parties goal, you're going to need a heavy user's god-like powers to take him down. So you put up with the nonsensical rambling and violent mood swings. I think I've seen this. Specialised in the paranormal. Had a familiar that was a great dane that could speak to him.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 19:31
|
|
|
wizards are powered by their collection of smut. the most feared and powerful are the Foot Wizards, who have been in eternal war with the Booba Empire
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 19:46
|
|
|
All spells must be in the form of a pun relevant to your current situation so you have to make a new one every time.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:10
|
|
|
Magical abilities that are fueled by the number of fictional wizards you can name who have similar, appropriate powers.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:12
|
|
|
Magic is responsible for dark matter and energy, and continued use of it will eventually result in a big rip that not only destroys the mortal realm, but the realms of the gods and the afterlife as well. Everybody uses it anyway, for absolutely everything because that’s the next generation’s problem to fix.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:18
|
|
|
Mooey Cow posted:Aright aright get this: You build up your magical energy by not masturbating or having sex, hence why all the wizards are virgins over 30 years old.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:22
|
|
|
That's asexual magic
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:32
|
|
|
This is my magic wand. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My wand is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my wand is useless. Without my wand, I am useless. I must fire my Magic Missile true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must crit him before he crits me. My wand and I know that what counts in war is not the dice we roll, the attack modifiers we add, nor the amount of points we put in Charisma. We know that it is the hits that count. My wand is elfwood, even as I am elf, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its name, which is Mr. Tubbs after my cat, its length and its girth. I will keep my wand clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. Before Azuth, I swear this creed. My wand and I are the defenders of Neverwinter. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is Neverwinter's and there is no enemy, but peace!
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:35
|
|
|
*bursts into thread wheezing* You have to jerk off to recharge your mana!!!
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:38
|
|
|
The sun drains magical powers so that the best wizards are shut-ins too toxic to do anything useful. They commune on r/wizzers to insist that sex thralls are superior to those sun sluts and that anyone offended by eugenics is a magician. Mostly though, they just compare wiz jars.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:39
|
|
|
Magick is a blatant allergory for fossil fuels. It uses up a useful non-renewable resource with every casting and generates evil spirits that spread disease and madness even if it`s a "good" spell for healing or curing blindness. Mostly used for war and making enchanted luxuries. Renewable magick generation at scale requires enourmous inputs of ordinary dirty magick to maintain.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:56
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:"Spells" don't exist at all and magic is done by pacts with spirits or demons who carry out the instructions of their masters. "Magic words" are whatever code phrase the magic user gave the demon to know when it's supposed to do its job. That's why magic words are so often gibberish, because you wouldn't want the word or phrase to be something that could accidentally be spoken in casual conversation. I want to come back to this one real quick and vent my spleen on a pet peeve of mine. Obviously there's more than a few stories where magic is performed or facilitated by the wizard making a pact with a demon or fairy or other spirit. It just bugs the heck out of me when the wizard makes a request to the contracted entity, and the entity proceeds to snap their fingers or say some magic words and then the entity does magic. IMO, a contract with a magical entity is essentially a contract for the entity to perform some kind of manual or intellectual labor. A magical being might be invisible or have wings or be super strong or even be capable of altering its relationship to our time continuum, but at the end of the day the being still has to personally perform the undertaking. If you contract an invisible being to scour the Earth for every single copy of a specific book and bring them all to your library, the task might be performed in the blink of an eye from your perspective, but the being experiences the entire journey around the world and expends the effort of searching the same way a human would. If you snap your fingers and a specific item floats up off the table and into your hand, it's because an invisible imp had to trudge all the way over to your table, pick it up with its hands, and walk it back to you.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 20:59
|
|
|
Every spell requires a live biological component. For something small, maybe an ant or fly. For real powerful loving poo poo maybe even the caster themselves.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:02
|
|
|
Frankly, I prefer the idea that magic is just an academic discipline, requiring a similar skill set as an advanced mathematician. Lots of complicated tables and graphs and stuff. It explains why magic is rare, because only the top .1% of the population is smart enough to learn it, and even then you still have to pay for 8 years of university training, further decreasing their preponderance in the population. Wizards should be rare and powerful and carry slide rules and lots of scratch paper and pencils.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:10
|
|
|
Magic is stored in the balls and tits but each is a half of the same coin. Ball magic is imprecise and aggressive while tit magic is accurate and supportive. True magic harmony is only possible when the two are used together. Sadly, ball magic was tainted by Loose Nutskin during the last turning of the Wheel and all who wield it are destined to go insane from the evil churning in their balls.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:10
|
|
|
Straight white men are blessed by God and if you kidnap one of them and turn him into a skin suit with the genitals intact and wear it, it will trick God into blessing you as well even if you're a black lesbian.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:25
|
|
|
All sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:26
|
|
|
Yaldabaoth posted:Straight white men are blessed by God and if you kidnap one of them and turn him into a skin suit with the genitals intact and wear it, it will trick God into blessing you as well even if you're a black lesbian. I’ll give you $20 if you never bring up white people ever again.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:26
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:I’ll give you $20 if you never bring up white people ever again. If you're serious then use that $20 to get rid of my Jordan Peterson avatar, which I never wanted but was slapped with by a jorp fanboy.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:28
|
|
|
All magic is found in birds, hence why they can fly. To get at the power you just hold one in your hand and squeeze them 'til they pop. Big magic = bigger bird. You might need some strength training to pop an albatross. Resultantly, all wizards are the type of people who tortured animals as a hobby when they were a teenager.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:29
|
|
|
Yaldabaoth posted:If you're serious then use that $20 to get rid of my Jordan Peterson avatar, which I never wanted but was slapped with by a jorp fanboy. Fine. Who do you want instead?
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:29
|
|
|
Nigmaetcetera posted:Fine. Who do you want instead? I'll take anything so long as it's not gross.
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 13, 2024 01:17 |
|
|
Yaldabaoth posted:If you're serious then use that $20 to get rid of my Jordan Peterson avatar, which I never wanted but was slapped with by a jorp fanboy. To be fair you do say some very bizarre and Jorpy things sometimes
|
|
#
?
May 2, 2022 21:30
|
|