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Yaldabaoth posted:I'll take anything so long as it's not gross. Ok, clipart white person it is. I can’t find any 125x125 images of white people and I don’t know how to resize them on my iPad. You can continue disparaging white people until I get on my desktop and figure it out. Edit: ok Jorp should go away soon. Nigmaetcetera fucked around with this message at 21:52 on May 2, 2022 |
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May 2, 2022 21:30
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| # ? May 12, 2024 17:18 |
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Magic's in the blood, so the more blood you have circulating in you, the more magical you are. This is why dragons are very magical, they're huge! A mere mortal can greatly increase their magic potential by undergoing painful dietary and life style changes that make them bloat up with their own blood and tissue. This tends to result in shortened lifespans as incredibly high blood pressure resulting in cardiac arrest and strokes that can only be kept away with high level wards, or a mere pin prick with a magic enough sword to penetrate their defenses, result in an explosion of blood and random spells.
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May 2, 2022 21:49
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Nigmaetcetera posted:Ok, clipart white person it is. Looks like I'm going to stop talking about race stuff now.
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May 2, 2022 22:01
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Nigmaetcetera posted:Frankly, I prefer the idea that magic is just an academic discipline, requiring a similar skill set as an advanced mathematician. Lots of complicated tables and graphs and stuff. It explains why magic is rare, because only the top .1% of the population is smart enough to learn it, and even then you still have to pay for 8 years of university training, further decreasing their preponderance in the population. Wizards should be rare and powerful and carry slide rules and lots of scratch paper and pencils. An alternative reason for magic being rare: it’s disgusting. Anyone could do it, provided they’re willing to do a solo aristocrats act every time they want to cast a spell. Yeah to cast true seeing you have to gently caress your eye socket with a frozen turd, to cast true polymorph you have to crawl into the rotting carcass of the animal you want to transform into, don’t even ask what you have to do to cast grease.
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May 2, 2022 22:02
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Faries that have been enslaved by addiction to tobacco do all the magic. They are kept in small iron cages ontop of the owner`s staff. Wizards and witches are always smoking on big pipes to get their faries high on second hand inhalation (first hand inhalation would kill them) to get them pliable to commands. Ordinary people think they are just ornamental. If you give faries a little bit of hard alcohol their magic becomes much more potent but this will quickly kill the fairy if repeated. All Wizards and Witches hate weed and are always trying to get the kingdoms to ban it. One whiff of the foul stuff and their servants break free of their trance and simply teleport away into thin air. Very frustrating to deal with when you just been to market to get yourself a replacement ( the drat things are getting more expensive every year).
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May 2, 2022 22:07
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Baudolino posted:Faries that have been enslaved by addiction to tobacco do all the magic. They are kept in small iron cages ontop of the owner`s staff. Wizards and witches are always smoking on big pipes to get their faries high on second hand inhalation (first hand inhalation would kill them) to get them pliable to commands. Ordinary people think they are just ornamental. That doesn’t make sense, you wouldn’t need to have magic as long as you had weed.
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May 2, 2022 22:09
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If they're such good wizards why don't they cast dispel weed
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May 2, 2022 22:19
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The Rithmatist has a neat math x chalk magic angle on things
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May 2, 2022 22:21
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A Bureaucratic system where you need to send properly filled out paperwork to the relevant arcane/elemental/demonic plane in order to receive approval before casting. Sophy Wackles posted:*bursts into thread wheezing* Al-cum-my
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May 2, 2022 22:24
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Anyone remember the table top RPG "Unknown Armies"? Some forms of magic in that game are powered by the highs people get from indulging in their addictions. Snort some coke and blow up a building, for example.
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May 2, 2022 22:26
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All spells are sung but surprisingly you have to death metal growl for healing and protection, and sing like a popstar to raise and command the undead.
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May 2, 2022 22:27
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Magic are weird glitches in physical law caused by unintended item interactions when the Universe was made. Like if you run against a right angled corner of a room and jump just right you can no-clip through walls, or if you pick up and put down certain seemingly mundane objects in a certain place and order they can be infinitely cloned, or writing down a string of seemingly nonsense letters will grant you immortality. Because these are based on weird contradictions in the edge cases of the deepest most abstract laws of reality that are already by themselves incomprehensible, all these "spells" are utterly counterintuitive and difficult to discover via the scientific method or consistently execute. The secrets are found by madmen who do nonsense things all day trying to perform some interaction no rational person has ever done before and stumble upon some new undiscovered Cheat, the knowledge jealously hoarded and closely guarded. And God help you if you accidentally do some seemingly innocuous thing that causes existence to crash to desktop.
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May 2, 2022 22:31
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May 2, 2022 22:33
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Magic is not something everyone can do. Specifically, the able bodied and the neurotypical. Magic can only be used by those with one or more congenital physical or mental disabilities. It’s a form of divine worker’s compensation. The goddess of birth mishandled your case, resulting in you being born, let’s say, blind, so your file gets handed over to the god of magic. As a result, around the age of 12 or 13, you begin developing magical abilities, their power commensurate with the severity of the disabilities suffered. Paradoxically, this leads to the most badly crippled being some of the most powerful beings in the multiverse. Now, I know what you’re thinking, can’t you just hack your own legs off so you can cast magic missile? No, the gods will not be tricked. Once you are born, you are your own responsibility. Edit: people on the autism spectrum can all cast identify item and legend lore at will, I just decided. You know, because we’re pedantic know-it-alls. Nigmaetcetera fucked around with this message at 22:37 on May 2, 2022 |
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May 2, 2022 22:34
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Anyone can do magic but it requires elaborate and intricate rituals to cast even the simplest of spells with the level of detail and directions increasing the more advanced the spell is, so most people don't bother with it at all except for the most dedicated and/or deranged.
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May 2, 2022 22:35
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Asterite34 posted:Magic are weird glitches in physical law caused by unintended item interactions when the Universe was made. Like if you run against a right angled corner of a room and jump just right you can no-clip through walls, or if you pick up and put down certain seemingly mundane objects in a certain place and order they can be infinitely cloned, or writing down a string of seemingly nonsense letters will grant you immortality. Reality was programmed by Bethesda.
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May 2, 2022 22:35
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Yaldabaoth posted:Reality was programmed by Bethesda. Essentially, yes. Warlocks can make blasphemous pacts with "Game Genies"
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May 2, 2022 22:36
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The only magical system in the world is the art of Nekomancy. Nekomancers wake cats up from their naps to do their evil bidding.
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May 2, 2022 22:41
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There's a finite amount of magic in the universe but once it inevitably gets used up it blows up the universe and then starts a new universe in a big bang where everything happens again just slightly differently.
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May 2, 2022 22:43
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magic can only be used by those who eat their leafy greens every day! without complaining! and clean their rooms!
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May 2, 2022 23:09
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Magic is real but no one can figure out how to use it or what it is. Once in a while a magician is pretty sure he did a magic and then they all have a big debate that inevitably results in the conclusion that he did not, in fact, do a magic. And the search continues
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May 2, 2022 23:21
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People can perform magic by drinking bull semen for fuel. This is why places that sell bull semen have DnD-style character sheets for their bulls. The better the bull's stats, the more powerful and longer your magic lasts.
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May 2, 2022 23:24
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99 years ago, God committed suicide. Without God to limit mortal potential, special*, highly motivated people can now use magic, which is powered by either intense emotion, or strict discipline and logic. Those who use intense emotion are referred to as sorcerers, and are generally self-taught, creating flashy effects that you and I would think of as magic, such as throwing fireballs and lightning bolts. Sorcerers generally have day jobs, blue or white collar, they’re pretty diverse. Those who use discipline and logic are known as wizards, and they almost always study at government sponsored universities and get jobs in academia, medicine, working for the government, or working for large merchant houses or transnational corporations. The magic they wield is subtler. A wizard could, for example, cast a spell allowing them to speak a language they don’t know, or breathe underwater, or divine the locations of undiscovered pockets of natural resources. Other wizardly magic might include changing your physical appearance for a time, or increasing and decreasing the mass of an object, opening temporary portals to far away lands, and treating cancer with a 99.5% cure rate. Wizards are considered far more prestigious, powerful, and useful than sorcerers. A third path exists, the magi, utilizing both intense emotion and strict discipline. Only the most skilled of magic users can ever hope to become a magus, though none are known to exist at this time, they have existed before and will exist again. Magi are far more powerful than sorcerers or wizards. A magus could use their magic to, for example, blow up the moon, raise the dead, transmute substances, live forever, enslave another’s mind, open permanent portals to higher and lower planes of existence, travel through time, and create permanent pocket universes. Magi don’t work for anybody but themselves and those they care about. The last time a magus arose it resulted in a 12 year long world war. Most people are glad that there are no magi currently around. *by special I mean not you, you wouldn’t be able to. Special people are the sort of people who would end up with biographies being written about them.
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May 2, 2022 23:32
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Turns out ancient chinese medicine was correct and humans can power up by eating the dicks of other animals. As a result, most large mammals are now extinct and the world is overrun by vermin and animals that don't have dicks.
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May 3, 2022 00:22
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A heist at Iceland's internationally famous penis museum? Great snow mammoth 3rd horn stolen?! My god we're dealing with the gay warlocks again
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May 3, 2022 01:58
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Magic is produced by the brain, but it's inversely proportional to intelligence. All wizards are dumb as rocks, average people can do a little magic, smart people are furious all the time.
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May 3, 2022 03:10
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Magic should be stuff like magic embers you dig out of the ground which gives you special powers but also drains out your life and the environment around it all, and other obvious allegories
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May 3, 2022 03:26
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Kickflip to do a fireball.
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May 3, 2022 03:29
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Also maybe the mystical side of Shaq-fu?? Just spitballin'.
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May 3, 2022 03:29
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Magic but there's no rules, rhyme or reason why or how it happens. You can will casting spells but what, how, to whom, to what, and how powerful it happens is basically a (metaphorical) roll of the dice
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May 3, 2022 03:39
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Sounds like sword magic to me!
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May 3, 2022 03:40
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Only magic is magic beans that bestow amazing powers on dirt stupid yokels who just fell off the turnip truck. Everyone else reasonably assumes that magic beans don't exist
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May 3, 2022 06:13
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Colonel Cancer posted:Sounds like sword magic to me! Magic is based on the four elements. Except there's five elements. Fire, earth, wind, and water magic is, uhhh, whatever, the same poo poo you've read about before I guess, but the fifth elements is swords and sword wizards can do spells I remember from my animes.
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May 3, 2022 08:00
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Magic is done entirely through familiars. Power is based on cuteness. Cuteness might be subjective, but you can never defeat a witch if you think her kittycat is cuter than yours. You can try and bluff, but you can't lie to yourself, and will fall short in any true contest of power.
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May 3, 2022 08:05
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Whenever you claim disinterest, argue against or mock anyone's interests, hobby or tastes you charge "Gain". Strong casters takes any opportunity to "Gain" over anyone, be it close family and friends, complete strangers, small children playing simple games. There are two factions competing for control, dominance of the world. These groups exists only on the world wide web, in their forum strongholds. Ok you see where this is going right it's SA vs Reddit trying to be the smuggest smarmlords ever. Only one bastion of despair can remain standing, the other will turn dead and gay. Whoever wins, humanity looses.
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May 3, 2022 11:07
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Applewhite posted:I want to come back to this one real quick and vent my spleen on a pet peeve of mine. Obviously there's more than a few stories where magic is performed or facilitated by the wizard making a pact with a demon or fairy or other spirit. It just bugs the heck out of me when the wizard makes a request to the contracted entity, and the entity proceeds to snap their fingers or say some magic words and then the entity does magic. The number 1 reason magic should not be used, it's the gig economy for pixies It's completely unsustainable. Same reason they've put ads in my crystal ball.
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May 3, 2022 12:40
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M’ajique
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May 3, 2022 13:41
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The big bang was the result of someone in the previous universe coming up with a magic spell that destroyed everything and it can happen again.
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May 3, 2022 13:50
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Magic is real but there's only one wand and everyone has to share.
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May 3, 2022 14:51
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Linux Pirate posted:Drug magic. Harder the drug, the stronger the magic. You could be a powerful wizard but the drugs wreak havoc on your body and mind. Parties stick to light users and tend to avoid bringing full blown wizards along because it's like babysitting a crack addict. You know their bullshit is going to get you into trouble, but to defeat the dark lord that stands between you and your parties goal, you're going to need a heavy user's god-like powers to take him down. So you put up with the nonsensical rambling and violent mood swings. This and every addiction-themed magic system in this thread is the premise of how magic works in Unknown Armies. The system only benefits you when you are getting hosed 24/7, saving money to the point of semi+homelessness, never missing a show and the commercials, or just trying to do the most over the top stunt ever. The downside is you lose all your power if you ever stop. If you go through even an hour of sobriety, you just lose all the power you saved up. Addiction can also be very specific. A little old lady living in a house packed to the brim with Hummel figurines doesn't realize she is in command of a crack force of porcelain problem solvers. Ask her about the multiple times people broke into her house. Says she hasn't been robbed? That's right, the Hummels would like to keep it that way.
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May 3, 2022 15:12
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