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 Look, you all know what Warcraft is. A beloved franchise from childhood for many of us. There have been many LPs of the Warcraft RTS saga that have attempted to preserve the dignity this series once possessed, ignoring the countless retcons and reimaginings and bizarre plot twists that ultimately followed. Some have even tried to present new, better stories. This is not going to be one of those LPs (mostly). Warcraft is a gigantic trainwreck of a setting and an IP, and if you only know the setting's more recent developments by internet hearsay, then buckle up. This is going to get weird, this is going to get racist (sometimes in a well-meaning but clueless white people way, sometimes ooga booga pygmies sacrificing explorers to volcanoes in a game made in 2010), and this is going to get stupid. I will be presenting and discussing Warcraft in the full scope of all the current lore and story that has grown up around these games. Those who wish to pretend that Warcraft is still a dignified veteran of the once-glorious RTS genre, leave the the thread now. You have been warned.  (fan art by a goon) How This Will Work I will be playing through Warcraft 1, Warcraft 2 (including Beyond the Dark Portal), and Warcraft 3, with lore posts accompanying each gameplay update to discuss things mentioned or talked about in the update, or maybe just unrelated things if there's nothing of interest in the update. I will be discussing all of this from the view of all the current lore about Warcraft in all of its convoluted, messy, and just plain weird... glory? I know and expect that there will be lots of discussion about Warcraft lore in this thread. I'm fine with this! All I ask is that people refrain from personal attacks on each other. Warcraft lore gets very strange, and downright offensive to some people. There's been retcons piled on top of retcons, and information squirreled away in the damndest and most limited places. Some of Warcraft's writers have also recently discovered the storytelling device known as the unreliable narrator, just to muddy the waters further. I have no doubt that I will make mistakes when I write things up, and there will be strange tidbits I am not familiar with even with my breadth of experience with Warcraft as a setting. I must stress, I intend to write this LP from the perspective of providing summaries and making fun of Blizzard, not attempting to provide a detailed settling of accounts (and with another WoW expansion on the horizon, God only knows what's going to become outdated and invalid over the likely course of this LP). So rage at Blizzard if you like, but please refrain from personal attacks on one another. Let me make this official. Stop with the 'but this is what REALLY happened!' poo poo. I'm fine with talking about stuff that happens in later games! I've been doing that from the start! But please understand that in the course of this LP I've been deliberately introducing lore slowly and piecemeal because I'm trying to present it in a way that makes sense to people who aren't familiar with this stuff. Stop trying to correct and clarify things that are going to come up naturally to discuss in proper detail and context later.  1. This thread will contain unmarked spoilers for everything Warcraft. This thread is dedicated to documenting all the many and varied ways that Warcraft's lore and story have become convoluted, hosed up, racist, sexist, or just plain were from the start. I'm not even making a special effort to learn anything about Dragonflight, but what I know, I will document if and when it seems relevant. The bit of Dragonflight story I mentioned that kicked this off, I learned because I clicked on one youtube content creator's clickbait video title of 'Blizzard hates night elves!' 2. I will ask people not to discuss certain subjects at particular times in the thread. Warcraft is a long series and I still have an enormous amount to cover. This rule is to keep the thread on track (relatively speaking) and not shooting off in random directions as people seize on details I mention that I intend to cover later. This rule is not because I care about spoilers. 3. Do not make personal attacks on other posters. Fair's fair, this has not been the kind of kerfluffle I feared might happen when I started the thread, but I am going to emphasize it now. If you have criticism for how I conduct this thread or other peoples' posting, do not drop to name-calling. 4. If you are concerned with preserving the sanctity and reputation or continuity of Blizzard or Warcraft, this is not the thread for you. Blizzard, in my eyes, is a company run by greedy, sexist, racist, homophobic sexual predators and drunkards with a company culture of sexual harassment and assault. I am going to this effort because I used to adore Blizzard in general and Warcraft in particular like quite a lot of nerds my age. Do not confuse my effort for any affection or inclination to apologize for Blizzard. Yes, I enjoy making this LP, but I also hold the object of this hobby in deepest contempt. I am going to be unfair to Blizzard and Warcraft. I am going to cast things in unflattering lights. I am going to mock senior developers and executives. If you're looking to white knight Blizzard, this is not the place for you. Oh, and just to make things even more fun, I've never played Warcraft 1 or Warcraft 2 before, and it's been at least fifteen years since I played all the way through Warcraft 3. If you want to see examples of good gameplay by someone skilled at the game who knows the maps... well, this may not be the thread for you. And if I run into trouble? Thank you, Blizzard, for continuing to put in cheat codes. One other thing. I will not LP WoW. Ever. Don't ask me about it. Further Addendum: This is not a place to discuss what does or does not make you horny, y'all.  Gameplay Warcraft 1 Orc 1: This is All the Jailer's Fault Human 1: Non-Canon Orc 2: Into Lands Uncharted Human 2: Isn't 'Grand Hamlet' an Oxymoron? Orc 3: No Man's Land Human 3: Counterpoint Orc 4: They Shall Not Grow Old Human 4: The Calling Orc 5: Raiding Party Human 5: Shoot the Messenger Orc 6: Terminus Human 6: Civil Warcraft Orc 7: The Call to Power Human 7: Breaking Dawn, and Heads Orc 8: The Bloodied Claw Human 8: Doing in the Wizard Orc 9: There Goes the Neighborhood Human 9: Covenant of Fire Orc 10: Breakthrough Human 10: The Hammer Falls Orc 11: The Widening Gyre Human 11: To Ash and Cinder Orc 12: You Have Selected Regicide Human 12: Through Fields of Flame Warcraft 2: Tides of Darkness Horde 1: This is Still the Jailer's Fault Alliance 1: The Crucible Horde 2: I Shot the Sherriff Alliance 2: Run Like the Wind Horde 3: Trolling Southshore Alliance 3: Destroyer Destroyer Horde 4: Landfall Alliance 4: Way of the Huojin Horde 5: Taking a Tol Alliance 5: A Job Well Dun Horde 6: The Eyes Have It Alliance 6: The Crossing Horde 7: En Garde Alliance 7: Bleeding Them Hollow Horde 8: Nor the Battle to the Strong Alliance 8: Devils in the Dark Horde 9: Doomed to Repeat Alliance 9: The Gauntlet Horde 10: Demolition Man Alliance 10: The Wages of Sin Horde 11: Reaper's Due Alliance 11: Kinslayer Horde 12: Gul'dammit Alliance 12: Or High Water Horde 13: The Center Cannot Hold Alliance 13: Perihelion Horde 14: And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Alliance 14: Boldly They Rode Warcraft 2: Beyond the Dark Portal Horde 1: Shadowmoon Rising Alliance 1: Favor the Bold Horde 2: Getting Boned Alliance 2: Stranglehold Horde 3: Calorie-Free Filler Alliance 3: Replay Value Horde 4: Through the Gate Alliance 4: Operation Lionheart Horde 5: Circling Back Alliance 5: A Storm in the Port Horde 6: Stormwindfall Alliance 6: By Pyre's Light Horde 7: Fire the Canon Alliance 7: In the Shadow of Death Horde 8: The Conquering Tide Alliance 8: Passage at Arms Horde 9: Teaching Moments Alliance 9: The Planet Killers Horde 10: Plea Bargain Alliance 10: Blizzard Polish Horde 11: Days of Fire Alliance 11: Raven's Flight Horde 12: A Silhouette of Dreams Alliance 12: Eschaton Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos Prologue 1: Thrall Aboard Prologue 2: Thrall that Glitters Prologue 3: Thrall the King's Horses Prologue 4: Thrall the Sound and Fury Prologue 5: Thrall In Alliance Intro Alliance 1: Yup, Still the Jailer's Fault Alliance 2: Armageddon Game Alliance 3: Into the Arena Alliance 4: Portent Alliance 5: Candle in a Hurricane Alliance 6: The Left Hand of Destiny Alliance 7: Last Call Alliance 8: Ring the Bell Alliance 9: Stormbringer Undead 1: Cult Classic Undead 2: Bring Out Your Dead Undead 3: Tempting Fate Undead 4: See How They Run Undead 5: Sunset Undead 6: Seeing Red Undead 7: The Direct Approach Undead 8: Rite of Winter Horde 1: Manifest Destiny Horde 2: Barrens Chat Horde 3: Backdraft Horde 4: Things Fall Apart Horde 5: Vexed to Nightmare Horde 6: Hack Job Horde 7: As Above, So Below Horde 8: The Reaving Night Elf 1: Thunderer Night Elf 2: Rending of the Veil Night Elf 3: The Scythe and the Clock Night Elf 4: Dark of the Moon Night Elf 5: Spin the Wheel Night Elf 6: Head Case Night Elf 7: The Last Rose of Summer Warcraft 3: The Frozen Throne Night Elf 1: Demon Hunter Hunter Night Elf 2: Island Hopping Night Elf 3: Rocks Fall Everyone Dies Night Elf 4: Quality Assurance Night Elf 5: Retroactive Continuity Night Elf 6: And the River Runs Red Night Elf 7: Motivating Factors Night Elf 8: The Bridge of Sighs Alliance 1: I Feel... Edgy Alliance 2: Betwixt and Between Alliance 3: Sewer Level Alliance 4: Cower at the Tower Alliance 5: Give and Take Alliance 6: Path of Exile Alliance 7: Covenant Undead 1: Death Grip Undead 2: Breakout Hit Interlude: Beckon the Vengeful Undead 3: Nine Tenths of the Law Undead 4: Voyage of the Damned Undead 5: Gatecrasher Undead 6: All Work and No Play Undead 7: Drums in the Deep Undead 8: Unforgettable Undead 9: Clock Blocked Undead 10: Till All are One Interlude: Dies the Fire Horde 1: Terminal Approach, Part One Horde 1: Terminal Approach, Part Two Horde 2: Water of the Womb Horde 3: The Tempest Lore Lore 1: Warcraft: Devolved Elementals and Mutant Robots (what are humans and orcs in Warcraft?) Lore 2: All Time Cops are Bastards (the Bronze Dragonflight) Lore 3: Here Corrupts the Noble Savage (Horde backstory) Lore 4: The Empire Without Qualities (Stormwind backstory) Lore 5: There is Nothing Funny About the Name 'Twisting Nether' (general cosmology) Lore 6: Remember the Titans (the Titans) Lore 7: Power Ogrewhelming (ogres) Lore 8: Uncle Lothar Wants You! (Anduin Lothar) Lore 9: I've Got Magic Hands (overview of magic) Lore 10: All's Fair in Love and Warcraft (LGBT issues and representation) Lore 11: Every Day I'm Panda-ren (pandaren) Lore 12: As Opposed to the New Gods (the Old Gods) Lore 13: Hammer Time (Orgrim Doomhammer) Lore 14: Huffing the Twilight Sparkles (the Twilight's Hammer) Lore 15: You Face Bearassus, Bearedar Lord of the Bearning Legion! (the Burning Legion) Lore 16: Getting Medivhal (Medivh and the Guardians of Tirisfal) Lore 17: Blackrock Down (the Blackrock clan) Lore 18: Not that Kind of Bleeding Hollow (the Bleeding Hollow clan) Lore 19: Give an Orc a Gun (the Iron Horde) Lore 20: My Garona (Garona and Me'dan) Lore 21: Hybrid Tax (half-breeds and interspecies relationships) Lore 22: Balance of Error (alternate timelines) Lore 23: And the Band Played On (aftermath of the First War) Lore 24: The Horde Without Qualities (the Horde at the start of the Second War) Lore 25: Hanging Together (the Alliance at the start of the Second War) Lore 26: Critical Race Theory (trolls) Lore 27: Every Day We Stray Further from Laurelin and Telperion's Light (high elves) Lore 28: Thorium Ships and Iron Men (naval warfare) Lore 29: Come Play, my Lordaeron! (Lordaeron) Lore 30: Burning Hearts of Azeroth (the Black Dragonflight) Lore 31: Gray Eminence (Gilneas) Lore 32: What You Don't Need (goblins) Lore 33: The Rise and Fall and Rise and Fall and Rise and Fall and Rise of Stromgarde (Stromgarde) Lore 34: Gnomore Bad Puns? Gno! More Bad Puns! (gnomes) Lore 35: That's a Grudgin (dwarves) Lore 36: Titan O'Machy's (the Titans, part 2) Lore 37: Lost in Translation (Dragonmaw clan) Lore 38: Kul Story (Kul Tiras) Lore 39: A-Viking We Will Go (vrykul) Lore 40: Light Makes Right (the Church of the Holy Light) Lore 41: Dynasty Warriors (mogu) Lore 42: Nevermore (Alterac) Lore 43: Flying Purple Mana Eaters (Dalaran) Lore 44: Good Band Name (Gul'dan and the Stormreavers) Lore 45: Metzen's Lament (the Red Dragonflight) Lore 46: Saur Grapes (Varok Saurfang) Lore 47: Die by the Sword (the Burning Blade) Lore 48: There is No Ner'Dana (Ner'zhul and the Shadowmoon) Lore 49: Bring Your Son to War Day (Turalyon, Alleria, and Arator) Lore 50: Lord of the Clans (the Shattered Hand, Bonechewer, Laughing Skull, and Thunderlord clans) Lore 51: The Defiant (the Defias Brotherhood) Lore 52: Warsong of the South[western Draenor] (the Warsong clan) Lore 53: Character Assassination and the Beneficiaries Thereof (Khadgar) Lore 54: Please Don't Puff the Magic Dragon (the Blue Dragonflight) Lore 55: The Men Who Stare at Goats Extraterrestrial (the draenei) Lore 56: All Aboard the Goat Boat (draenei miscellanea) Lore 57: Applied Soteriology (The First Ones and introduction to the Shadowlands) Lore 58: Blessed are the Poor in Spirit (the Kyrians) Lore 59: Blessed are the Meek (the Night Fae) Lore 60: Blessed are Those who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness (the Necrolords) Lore 61: Blessed are Those who are Persecuted (the Venthyr) Lore 62: Blessed are You when People Insult You (the Jailer) Lore 63: Watch the Birdie (the Arakkoa) Lore 64: Minor Race Compendium, Part One (Murlocs, Jinyu, Gnolls, Kobolds, Vulpera) Lore 65: Minor Race Compendium, Part Two (Virmen, Hozen, Mermaids, Tuskarr, Wolvar) Lore 66: Minor Race Compendium, Part Three (Ethereals, Brokers, Sethrak, Tortollans, Saurok) Lore 67: Minor Race Compendium, Part Four (Drogbar, Furbolg, Centaurs, Harpies, Quilboar) Lore 68: No Time to Argue About Time (timeline of the games) Lore 69: Their Line is Gone Out Through All the Earth (aftermath of the Second War) Lore 70: Dances with Frostwolves (Frostwolf clan and Thrall's backstory) Lore 71: Warcraft Bestiary, Part One Lore 72: Warcraft Bestiary, Part Two Lore 73: Insert Racist Joke Here (the naga) Lore 74: Michael Moorcock's Lawyers Called (Arthas backstory) Lore 75: The Darkness and the Light (Uther the Lightbringer) Lore 76: A Graveyard of Dreams (Jaina Proudmoore) Lore 77: Roll the Bones (necromancy) Lore 78: Give Them a Hand (the Knights of the Silver Hand) Lore 79: At the Shores of Rubicon (the Culling of Stratholme) Lore 80: The Pale Beyond (Northrend) Lore 81: The Breaking Wheel (the Legion's Evil Plan) Lore 82: Bone 'Er? I 'Ardly Know 'Er! (overview of the Scourge) Lore 83: Knights of the Living Dead (death knights) Lore 84: Spiders-Men (Nerubians) Lore 85: Bloody Elves (vampires) Lore 86: With a Deafening Thunder (Sylvanas backstory) Lore 87: Lich, Please (Kel'Thuzad) Lore 88: The Hoodoo That You Do (Scourge miscellanea) Lore 89: On the Hoof (tauren and cousins) Lore 90: What to Expect When You're Expecting the End of the World (Burning Legion compendium, part one) Lore 91: The Storm (night elf history) Lore 92: Where the Wild Gods Are (the Wild Gods) Lore 93: Perchance to Dream (the green dragonflight) Lore 94: What to Expect When You're Expecting the End of the World, Part Two (Burning Legion compendium, part two) Lore 95: The Ashes of Eden (intro to night elves) Lore 96: Dust in the Whisperwind (Tyrande Whisperwind) Lore 97: Mystery of the Druids (druids) Lore 98: This Angers Me Greatly (Malfurion Stormrage) Lore 99: Illidammit (Illidan Stormrage) Lore 100: Thrall the Small Things (Thrall in WoW) Lore 101: Passing Strange (Maiev Shadowsong) Lore 102: Nightfall (Suramar and the Nightborne) Lore 103: Oh Hell[scream] No (Garrosh Hellscream) Lore 104: Here Ends the Savage Noble (Varian Wrynn) Lore 105: Heavyweight Title (giants) Lore 106: Good Night, Sweet Prince (Kael'thas Sunstrider) Lore 107: Tragedy of the Twinks (Anduin Wrynn) Lore 108: He Never Scoured (Lord Garithos) Lore 109: Storm of Blood (blood elves) Lore 110: Can of Wormholes (interstellar travel) Lore 111: Void Where Prohibited (void elves) Lore 112: Thorium Chef (food and drink in Azeroth) Lore 113: An Outlandish Tale (Outland) Lore 114: To the Bitter Dregs (the Scarlet Crusade) Lore 115: Taking the Black (the Forsaken) Lore 116: By Armageddon's Light (Elune and the fate of the night elves) Lore 117: A Wail of a Time (Sylvanas in WoW) Lore 118: All Work and No Play (the Fourth War) Lore 119: Dragging On (dragon miscellanea) Lore 120: Pyramid Scheme (Zandalar) Lore 121: Invincible (the fate of Arthas) Lore 122: Tide Rolls Out (the fate of the Scourge) Introductions, Interludes, and Other Analysis Inter Script: Warcraft 1 Warcraft 2 Introduction Warcraft 2: Beyond the Dark Portal Introduction Inter Script: Warcraft 2 Warcraft 3 Introduction Aside: Warcraft and Physical Disabilities Aside: Artifacts, Part One Azeroth Bestiary: Dragonhawks He-Orc and the Warlords of Azeroth (an analysis of the artistic inspirations for Warcraft) The Craft of War, Part One (what do I think is wrong with Warcraft?) The Craft of War, Part Two Remaking and Rewriting: Warcraft 1 A Long Road (the making of Warcraft 3 and Reforged) Blood Trail (Blizzard's depictions of colonialism) The Road to Hell (Alliance RoC campaign retrospective) On Thin Ice (Undead RoC campaign retrospective) Bored of the Horde (Horde RoC campaign retrospective) Into the Forest I Go (Reign of Chaos retrospective) The Frozen Throne Introduction A Dream Gone Astray (Night Elf TFT campaign retrospective) Through a Prism of Tears (LGBT representation, Warcraft, and MMOs) Set Back (Alliance TFT campaign retrospective) Incense and Insensibility (how do I think WoW could be fixed?) The Craft of War, Part Three Canon Fire (thoughts on 'headcanon') Death's Dark Shadow (Undead TFT campaign retrospective) The Nine Billionth Name (post script) Cythereal fucked around with this message at 03:05 on Feb 4, 2024 |
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Fanfic Repository Tales from Another Timeline: Unfinished Dreams Tales from Another Timeline: The Penitent Tales from Another Timeline: The Dragon and the Lion Tales from the Second War: The Games We Play Tales from the Second War: Blood-Dimmed Tides Tales from the Second War: Visions in the Storm Tales from the Second War: The Last King Tales from the Second War: In the Wake of the Storm Tales from the Second War: Fury Tales from the Fourth War: And Their Words to the End of the World Tales from Beyond: Trial of Atonement Tales from the Infinite: Dreams We Conceive Beyond the Farthest Star On the current thread title: Back when the lawsuits started, Chris Metzen made and then deleted this:  Previous thread titles and explanations: Warcraft 1: 'It's like Looking in a Dark Portal' https://twitter.com/stevedanuser/status/936442223050100736 Steve Danuser, the lead writer for WoW, is very fond of his edgy goth fuccboi self-insert who bones Sylvanas. Warcraft 2: Tides of Darkness: 'You Think You Don't Want This, But You Do' Blizzard director Jay Allen Brack, when first asked at Blizzcon about doing WoW Classic, told the person asking "You think you want this, but you don't." Warcraft 2: Beyond the Dark Portal: 'The Horde is Here Waiting for You' WoW Lead Designer Ian Hazzikostas, on Alliance players who wanted to play high elves, told them that the Horde is there waiting for them as blood elves. Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos: 'I Feel Like We're Doing Our Jobs' Alex Afrasiabi responding to criticism of Sylvanas Windrunner's writing after Teldrassil: "Any time we get a player base that's divided in their support for a character, I feel like we're doing our jobs. Any time it's one-sided to the point of 'this is clearly the right direction', it's not as interesting." And now, a shrine to people finding out about the setting.  FoolyCharged posted:Impressive. A single update in and I'm already going ".... the gently caress?" Anaxite posted:Zug zug! I mean, oh boy, I've been looking forward to FoolyCharged posted:I have no idea how a company this progressive ran into the legal troubles they did. Bifauxnen posted:Oh cool, a Warcraft LP! I played the very first one back in the day and maybe Warcraft 2 or 3, but I barely remember and never kept up with it. Sounds like it'll be cool to look back on the series as a whole! anilEhilated posted:Okay, that's quite a huge undertaking, looking forward to learn about just how messed up Warcraft has become... Rarity posted:Blizzard why Bifauxnen posted:Oh cool, a new update already! This'll be fun to see what wacky discordant things come up after the human's first episode! BisbyWorl posted:'You know, I'm not exactly the most up to date on WoW lore, I'm sure it can't be thaaaaaa-' Rarity posted:I already know the lore and I'm still going Poil posted:It's all so stupid and terrible my brain is actively rejecting and trying to deny that it exists. t3isukone posted:You know, I thought Overwatch lore was idiotic but I'm almost-almost!-impressed by it just being ungodly boring and offensive instead of...whatever the hell happened here. painedforever posted:... what Fivemarks posted:On one hand, Jesus loving Christ Blizzard. precision posted:i've only just now read the first lore post and i'm already convinced you are just making all this up! Randalor posted:WHAT THE gently caress? dervinosdoom posted:I don't think I like Warcraft anymore Drakenel posted:I think I retroactively hate warcraft. I've never touched WoW (for the better it seems) but... Lynneth posted:I'm sorry, what? farraday posted:I just appreciate that it took a whole sentence before we got to the first retcon in the Warcraft: Orcs and Humans cinematic but Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness can't get past the first word. PurpleXVI posted:I knew WoW had some issues, but this thread has consistently revealed new and harrowing depths to me. Slaan posted:Crazy elf incel? Mindopali posted:I've already lost hope upon playing gothic 3 and the third birthday, quietly accepting that some stories never get the endings and attention they deserve. What's a little more damnation along the way? life_source posted:are you loving kidding me TLM3101 posted:I read all 241 pages and... What the actual hell, Blizzard? As for me? 
Cythereal fucked around with this message at 03:04 on Feb 4, 2024 |
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May 7, 2022 18:32
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Orc 1: This is All the Jailer's Fault I have the GOG version of this game, which does run well on a modern OS but has to run through Dosbox. Figuring out how to record this was a challenge.  The introductory video presents the straightforward premise of the game: the great human kingdom of Azeroth has been built into a paradise by generations of wise kings, supported by the valiant knights of Stormwind Castle and the wise priests of Northshire Abbey. Retcon Alert: 'Azeroth' was later changed to be the name of the entire planet, and 'Stormwind' is the actual name of this kingdom. Most of the human kingdoms of Warcraft could better be described as city-states, consisting of one large city that shares its name with the kingdom, and then a surrounding region of countryside and villages.  But this idyll has been disturbed by the emergence of a vast Orc Horde from the uncharted swamps and jungles to the south and east, an enemy that attacked without warning or mercy, destroying everything in its path.  Riding wolves larger than horses and commanded by warlocks wielding unholy magic, the Orc Horde is poised to destroy this great bastion of humanity.  The human and orc campaigns of Warcraft 1 tell contradictory stories for the most part, and I will be presenting both campaigns in alternating order. As the orcs are the canon victors of Warcraft 1 (though there are elements of the human campaign that are canon to the larger story), I will be starting with the orcs and present their campaign wholly out of character.  The orc briefing screen. 'Blackhand' is the leader of the Horde, I'll talk about him and the Horde at large later.  The orc player character is never named during this game, but later games would give the orc player character from this game the name Orgrim Doomhammer, and he'll go on to be a major figure in the story.  The first mission is as simple as they come: build 6 farms and a barracks in a charming place known as the Swamp of Sorrows. In case you're wondering, the origins of this place's name have never been stated, though it seems to have had this name since before the orcs arrived. It might have something to do with a renegade religious sect of trolls who live in the region who are devoted to a god considered extremely bloodthirsty even by troll standards. These trolls, however, have wisely chosen to not interfere in this game.  Estimated position on the map.  To be blunt, most of this update was spent fighting the interface, which is extremely primitive by modern standards.  The orc not visibly carrying an axe is a peon, the Horde builder unit throughout the entire series. The main lot in life for peons throughout Warcraft is to be abused for comedy, and in 2020 the Horde's newest (at the time of writing) race proved their worth and joined the Horde in part by defeating an attempt by peons to unionize by throwing them a pizza party and giving them meaningless but impressive-sounding titles with no increase in pay or change in working conditions.  The orcs with axes are grunts, a basic melee unit.  Town halls produce peons and serve as the drop-off site for gold and lumber, the two resources in this game. They can also build the roads you see here, structures can only be built if they have access to a road. This is one feature that will never return in future games.  Farms are your supply cap.  In case you were wondering, there is no drag-selecting units and no control groups in this game.  If you want to select multiple units, you have to click a unit, then shift-click others, up to a maximum of 4. Yup, you can only have 4 units selected at once. Also, there is no intuitive right-click action either. You want to move a unit? Press M and then the destination. Want to attack? Press A and then the target.  There are a few human units dotted around the map. These are footmen, who are statistically identical to grunts. There are (well, were) two in this patrol to my three grunts, so the humans die, but not before seriously wounding two of my grunts.  Then another footman comes along and finishes one of the wounded grunts before going down. In a game with a snapper, more responsive UI, I should have been able to use my healthy grunt to tank for the wounded, but that wasn't possible here.  While exploring the map, I'd trained some more peons to harvest lumber and gold, but scorch mark visible at the top of the screen is something most Warcraft fans remember: gold mines exploding when exhausted. In this case, the starting gold mine near your starting position has a very low amount of gold so you have to explore and find other gold mines (and the humans nearby), which is a bit of gameplay design I admire for the first mission. Blizzard wants you to explore, find new resources, and be aggressive rather than turtling in your base. Meanwhile I'm looking to build a barracks to replace the grunt I lost, and the white outline indicates that the barracks location is next to a road and clear so it's good to go.  The barracks does what you'd expect.  The nearest gold mine is to the north, where the footman patrol was. This, unfortunately, means a bit of a hike for our peons.  I could keep exploring if I want, but there's no point to it. I have access to more than enough gold and lumber now to finish the mission.   Work, work.  Small steps, and this mission is nothing storywise, but we've made a fine first step in the story of the Jailer's bid to reach the control center of the afterlife where the concept of death was invented, tested, and created, so he could then use it to drain the living soul of this planet and remake all of reality into a prison of eternal torment so that he could reforge it into an army to stand united against a coming threat from outside reality. Cythereal fucked around with this message at 14:41 on May 15, 2022 |
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May 7, 2022 18:33
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Warcraft: Devolved Elementals and Mutant Robots So, Orcs and Humans. Straightforward, no? No indeed. Today's question is a simple one: what the hell are orcs and humans in Warcraft? This is a Warcraft orc.  Warcraft orcs are devolved descendants of a colossal construct made from elemental fire and earth to combat an eternal, hungry, and sentient jungle on a planet that a race of sentient cosmic robots decided was overly chaotic and needed to be tamed so that life could flourish in a controlled fashion. The elementals were created because this planet was too close to the elemental plane of spirit and so caused life to run out of control, to the detriment of the planet's potential for long-term sustainability, and so a force of primeval destruction was created to check this uncontrolled force of life.  Grond, the miles-tall elemental kaiju that is the original ancestor of the orcs, among other races. Though this elemental being was ultimately destroyed, the energies unleashed during the battle between elemental and plant monster created numerous new types of elemental life, many of which themselves slowly became smaller, weaker, and fleshier. Orcs are the furthest extent of this lineage of elemental devolution at this time. (all of the above is from Warlords of Draenor and Chronicles) This is a Warcraft human of Stormwind, the human kingdom of this game.  The same race of sentient cosmic robots that created the ancestors of the orcs also visited this world, which is also host to a sentient soul growing in the core of the world. One of the races they created to service their design on this planet was a race of ten foot tall giants made of iron and lightning. However, a race of parasitic extradimensional entities implanted into this planet by beings from a cosmic dimension of darkness and chaos were in danger of corrupting that soul within the planet. Although the cosmic robots defeated these parasitic beings and imprisoned most of them, these parasites created an extradimensional sickness that infected and corrupted the iron and lightning giants, turning them into flesh, and these beings in time devolved into what are now known as humans. (Wrath of the Lich King)  An iron vrykul, the original race of automatons that would eventually become humans. They seem to have been meant as security and defense drones for the cosmic robots' operations on Azeroth. I should also note this fact: despite being a race of golems mutated into fleshy creatures by an extradimensional virus, humans in Warcraft were uniformly white until 2020 when the Shadowlands expansion for World of Warcraft added visual options to humans to give them African, Hispanic, and East Asian facial features and skin tones. Many existing minor human characters were then retconned into being visibly not Caucasian. This does not apply to any of the games this LP will be covering or any of the characters we will discuss, and to date no human culture in Warcraft has ever incorporated notable non-European cultural elements.  Just in case you thought I was joking, this is from Blizzcon 2019 hyping up non-white people as new customization options. This is not to say there are no depictions of what could be considered non-European based cultures in Warcraft, but I think we should leave the discussion of how amazingly racist Warcraft is even by fantasy video game standards for another time. Oh, and one last note here: despite orcs being devolved elementals from one planet, and humans mutant robots from another planet, they are in fact capable of interbreeding and having children. Cythereal fucked around with this message at 17:54 on May 19, 2022 |
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May 7, 2022 18:33
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Gonna read this and pipe up with snark whenever I can. Also: Hello, I am Siegkrow, one of the IKs for the WoW
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May 7, 2022 18:38
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I am looking forward to see just how much of a complete and insane trainwreck the lore is going to be. 
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May 7, 2022 18:40
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Looking forward to this one and... lemme just get this out here: gently caress any tidbit of lore introduced after The Frozen Throne. Hell, gently caress a good bit of the lore introduced in Warcraft 3 and TFT, too. But they really should have just stopped there. Also just gonna pour one out for Azzur's LP which we'll probably never see finished.
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May 7, 2022 18:55
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PurpleXVI posted:Looking forward to this one and... lemme just get this out here: gently caress any tidbit of lore introduced after The Frozen Throne. Hell, gently caress a good bit of the lore introduced in Warcraft 3 and TFT, too. But they really should have just stopped there. Azzur has a pattern of emerging from the woodwork whenever another Warcraft LP starts. So who knows! Also reading some of the lore presented here makes me glad I bowed out in Legion because god drat.
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May 7, 2022 18:58
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As someone who has never played WoW and has only dim memories of playing Warcraft 2 in school over a buddy's LAN, I am excited to set in on the ground floor to see just how much stupidity I managed to dodge by not getting hooked (because said buddy was much better at the game than I was and did not know restraint, and took great delight in steamrolling me every time we played).
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May 7, 2022 19:00
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Impressive. A single update in and I'm already going ".... the gently caress?" Repeatedly
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May 7, 2022 19:02
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FoolyCharged posted:Impressive. A single update in and I'm already going ".... the gently caress?" Gotta be honest, getting exactly this reaction in various discords when nonchalantly discussing modern Warcraft is what gave me the idea to do this. 
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May 7, 2022 19:07
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I have played all 3 Warcraft titles, vanilla WoW (plus a bit of TBC) and quite a bit of Heartstone...and thisFoolyCharged posted:Impressive. A single update in and I'm already going ".... the gently caress?"
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May 7, 2022 19:43
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Loving this idea and looking forward to following along to this mess.Cythereal posted:Warcraft: Devolved Elementals and Mutant Robots Humans are humans, you the player/reader presumably are one and know how these work. Orcs are basically humans except with green skin and from another planet. That's it, that's the entire 1994 lore behind these races.
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May 7, 2022 19:45
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Hell yes I'm down for this insane journey we will be traveling on, at times talking about wasted potential and scratching our heads and at others wondering who the gently caress thought this was a good idea at all.
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May 7, 2022 20:15
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Cythereal posted:So rage at Blizzard if you like, but please refrain from personal attacks on one another. those are your rules, man, not mine Seriously though, I've been looking forward to this thread. To be clear, I've never played WoW, but in the covid time played through Starcraft 2, and was already kinda marveling at how hosed up the story in that was. I am down to see what Blizzard does when their whole rear end is into it.
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May 7, 2022 20:22
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I was a major consumer of Warcraft lore when I was still playing WoW (even though I never actually played after Burning Crusade came out) and before that, since I like to binge out on lore for franchises and spend hours rooted in my chair reviewing Wikipedia-alikes (even though Fandom sucks rear end with all the ads they insist on slapping everywhere). Another refugee of Azzur’s late, lamented unfinished Warcraft LPs, and looking forward to seeing people’s reactions in thread to particularly dumb bits of lore (and maybe learning some I missed myself!).
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May 7, 2022 20:25
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I've always loved the Warcraft setting, and consider myself to be possessed of decent expertise on the subject. Much as I love it though, I do acknowledge that the *full* depth of the lore gets fuckin' weird to someone coming in fresh. This LP is going to be great partly for the nostalgia, partly for the tongue-in-cheek "This is the context modern full lore gives to this" commentary, and partly for the "what the actual gently caress" reactions from people unfamiliar with it all. Let's do this.
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May 7, 2022 20:58
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Cythereal posted:Oh, and one last note here: despite orcs being devolved elementals from one planet, and humans mutant robots from another planet, they are in fact capable of interbreeding and having children. Look, sentient cosmic robots were high on robust, backwards and forwards compatible communication and interconnection protocols. They wanted to order their creations whatever happens and however said creation changed, and also that different constructs would be able to cooperate well between each other, whatever happened meanwhile. Not their fault that evolution and meddling with said constructs delegated firewire to reproduction.
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May 7, 2022 21:20
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Oh hell yeah!
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May 7, 2022 21:53
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I played Warcraft 1 2 and 3 as a kid, Then real life and never did wow until literally uh the Battle for Azeroth expansion when my fiance convinced me to give it a go again. I gave it up because frankly how just stupid they made the lore with retcons etc
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May 7, 2022 22:10
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Zug zug! I mean, oh boy, I've been looking forward toCythereal posted:Warcraft orcs are devolved descendants of a colossal construct made from elemental fire and earth to combat an eternal, hungry, and sentient jungle on a planet that a race of sentient cosmic robots decided was overly chaotic and needed to be tamed so that life could flourish in a controlled fashion. The elementals were created because this planet was too close to the elemental plane of spirit and so caused life to run out of control, to the detriment of the planet's potential for long-term sustainability, and so a force of primeval destruction was created to check this uncontrolled force of life.  I... what?
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May 7, 2022 22:13
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Anaxite posted:Zug zug! I mean, oh boy, I've been looking forward to Yes that is a thing, Wait until Cythreal gets to the fuckery that is warcraft elves.
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May 7, 2022 22:16
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AtomikKrab posted:Yes that is a thing, Wait until Cythreal gets to the fuckery that is warcraft elves. Which of five?
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May 7, 2022 22:40
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Anaxite posted:Zug zug! I mean, oh boy, I've been looking forward to In Warcraft, magic in the environment makes genetics as reactive and malleable as a Fox News anchor's political views. The origins of orcs and humans are actually very straightforward and tame by setting standards.
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May 7, 2022 22:43
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I thought orcs came to azeroth from beyond the dark portal because their home was calling apart. That's what my vague memories of the excellent manual for Warcraft 2 are telling me
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May 7, 2022 22:54
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I feel like we're gonna run into some part of Warcraft lore that I came across in the Warcraft 3 or WoW days, didn't think twice about, and will now realize how hosed up the whole thing is.
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May 7, 2022 22:54
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ilmucche posted:I thought orcs came to azeroth from beyond the dark portal because their home was calling apart. That's what my vague memories of the excellent manual for Warcraft 2 are telling me I'll cover this in the lore post accompanying the next orc update. For now, I left it with how the game's introduction framed it.
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May 7, 2022 22:57
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Oh gently caress yes This thread is gonna go places
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May 7, 2022 23:05
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So loremasters, let me ask a question: did the origin of Orc at some point have a *less* messed up story than "literally descended from Kaiju of destruction"? Why did the blizzard people do this?
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May 7, 2022 23:32
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Nebakenezzer posted:So loremasters, let me ask a question: did the origin of Orc at some point have a *less* messed up story than "literally descended from Kaiju of destruction"? Why did the blizzard people do this? Turns out continuously making content for an MMO for 20 years is really hard
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May 7, 2022 23:33
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Okay but these origin stories for humans and orcs sound amazing. The scattered remnants of ancient titans, grown lesser as they grow more populous? Cool. Except I know it's all only "revealed" through successive retcons instead of being something ever intended for longer than five minutes before they got rolled out, so of course this great idea I'm sure is handled in the most cack-handed, garbage way.
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May 7, 2022 23:41
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Nebakenezzer posted:So loremasters, let me ask a question: did the origin of Orc at some point have a *less* messed up story than "literally descended from Kaiju of destruction"? Why did the blizzard people do this? Ehhh... Not really? You could make the argument that *no backstory* is less messed up than "evolved from Kaiju debris", but I like it, it is more interesting than "evolved from apes, but the apes were green"
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May 7, 2022 23:47
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Siegkrow posted:Ehhh... Honestly? I preferred that. It feels like every expansion to orc, human, elf, whatever backstory has made their choices less their own and less interesting. Like it's more interesting to me when the invasion of Azeroth is just about orc politics and basic necessities, rather than SOME ULTIMATE WAR OF EPIC DOOM DESTINY. It's both more relatable and also makes you feel like you, as a player, are actually interacting with the important moving parts. If the important moving parts are behind 7000 legends and demigods, your actions don't really feel like they matter.
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May 7, 2022 23:58
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Nebakenezzer posted:So loremasters, let me ask a question: did the origin of Orc at some point have a *less* messed up story than "literally descended from Kaiju of destruction"? Why did the blizzard people do this? I mean, various designers and writers have made all the details up as they've gone along like most long-term shared universes of the type. The original story was just "the orcs are invading aliens with anger issues, and they're fighting the noble medieval men". It's a natural enough impulse to go "we're going to the orc homeworld now, we need to add some details on their history" when going to the orc homeworld in your game. It's just every designer for every visit to the orc homeworld since war2ex has felt compelled to detail that history further and further, and turns out adding ever more detail to your fantasy nonsense makes it harder and harder to suspend disbelief. Blizzard have made a couple of attempts at post-hoc unifications and clean-ups of their various nonsense that I assume the thread will get to, but then can't help complicating things again as they build on their fresh-but-shaky foundation down the line. I can't think of a game-specific universe that's been around since the 90s and is not full of batshit insane contradictions, so I can't really blame them that much. Don't expect too much or think too hard about the metal cover album fantasy game, and if the Warp in the West happens just roll with it.
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May 7, 2022 23:58
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... 2019, really? It took them THAT long?
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May 8, 2022 00:04
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Pyroi posted:... It was announced in 2019. It was added in 2020.
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May 8, 2022 00:05
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Xerophyte posted:I can't think of a game-specific universe that's been around since the 90s and is not full of batshit insane contradictions At least Thrall has never made a deal with Sargeras to rewrite reality in order make everyone forget him just so he can bring back his dead grandma. Yet.
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May 8, 2022 00:08
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Cythereal posted:It was announced in 2019. I have no idea how a company this progressive ran into the legal troubles they did.
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May 8, 2022 00:09
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We're one update in and already there are train wrecks everywhere. I love it. This is going to go places. It's been a very long time since I've played a Warcraft game. I played WC3 back in the day, and lost a year of my life to WoW before coming to my senses, but I don't think I ever looked into the lore much beyond what I encountered in the course of playing the games. Even then, there was a lot of weird stuff; I can only imagine how much stranger it's gotten since. This is going to be fun.
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May 8, 2022 00:17
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DoubleNegative posted:Also reading some of the lore presented here makes me glad I bowed out in Legion because god drat. Same. Though I knew about alot of this. Warcraft lore sure is a wild ride. (Though honestly I always thought the idea of the metal men being turned to flesh via a curse was actually a pretty neat idea.)
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May 8, 2022 00:27
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