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Buce
Dec 23, 2005


yep, we're headin to the goldmine

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OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]

staberind posted:

I wonder if the rosetta stone had any gags or marginalia...?

it was a tax receipt so no

Ralph Crammed In
May 11, 2007

Let's get clean and smart


https://imperiumromanum.pl/en/curiosities/obscene-graffiti-of-ancient-romans/

Lotsa gems here. Pompeii is a treasure trove cause no one ever cleaned the grafetti up or painted over it.

"Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!"

TK8325
Sep 22, 2014



My favorite from Pompeii or Herculaneum goes like:

I came to gently caress all the women and drink all the wine and the wine is gone.

The Butcher
Apr 20, 2005

Well, at least we tried.
Nap Ghost

TK8325 posted:

I came to gently caress all the women and drink all the wine and the wine is gone.

The line has lived for ages, slightly adapted for modern times.

"I came here to chew bubblegum and kick rear end, and I'm all out of bubblegum."

precision
May 7, 2006

by VideoGames

Ralph Crammed In posted:

https://imperiumromanum.pl/en/curiosities/obscene-graffiti-of-ancient-romans/

Lotsa gems here. Pompeii is a treasure trove cause no one ever cleaned the grafetti up or painted over it.

"Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!"

"Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog"

i mean, i'm gonna need you to give me some reasons why not here

Groke
Jul 27, 2007
New Adventures In Mom Strength

Billy Ray Blowjob posted:

The very first joke, and we see it in apes, would have been farting

Well yes, based on my experience as a parent (have four kids) I can confirm that farts generally become funny at some point before age 1, and stop being funny... basically never.

Ralph Crammed In
May 11, 2007

Let's get clean and smart


precision posted:

"Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog"

i mean, i'm gonna need you to give me some reasons why not here

Theophilus sounds like a cool dude.

precision
May 7, 2006

by VideoGames

Groke posted:

Well yes, based on my experience as a parent (have four kids) I can confirm that farts generally become funny at some point before age 1, and stop being funny... basically never.

i've legit never thought farts were funny and have always thought its weird

i'm not saying that i've literally never laughed at a well constructed fart joke, but a well constructed joke can be about anything

i'm just saying, farts are definitely not just "inherently funny" to me. theyre totally value neutral

hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

precision posted:

i've legit never thought farts were funny and have always thought its weird

i'm not saying that i've literally never laughed at a well constructed fart joke, but a well constructed joke can be about anything

i'm just saying, farts are definitely not just "inherently funny" to me. theyre totally value neutral

this explains a lot about you

Analytic Engine
May 18, 2009

not the analytical engine
Medieval, not ancient

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

precision posted:

"Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog"

i mean, i'm gonna need you to give me some reasons why not here

Their reason why not was already listed, it was doglike. Ancient Romans didn’t realize like we do today that dogs are a higher life form and we should aspire to be like them.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
What kinda hosed up dogs did ancient Romans have huh

staberind
Feb 20, 2008

but i dont wanna be a spaceship
Fun Shoe
I dread to think, but they really liked making hats out of them for their army bro's

precision
May 7, 2006

by VideoGames

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

this explains a lot about you

sure, and posting this explains a lot about you

we can do this all day, mother

HelleSpud
Apr 1, 2010
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satyr#/media/File:Komos_Douris_BM_E768.jpg

Attic red depiction of a satyr balancing a wine cup on his erection (500-490 B.C.E.)

Milo and POTUS
Sep 3, 2017

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?
Thin

staberind
Feb 20, 2008

but i dont wanna be a spaceship
Fun Shoe
The bronies have always been with us.

precision
May 7, 2006

by VideoGames
"everyone knows it's wrong and bad to gently caress horses. what my kink presupposes is... maybe it's not?" :grin:

The Butcher
Apr 20, 2005

Well, at least we tried.
Nap Ghost
Bestiality is illegal, but little known legal fact, at least in the PNW, you are allowed to gently caress or be hosed by a sasquatch. I seen it.

hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

precision posted:

sure, and posting this explains a lot about you

we can do this all day, mother

i've revealed no new information about myself with that post - premise completely destroyed

jimmyjams
Jan 10, 2001


King Kong of Megadongs
Gobblin' them mega schlongs
Makin' sure they mega long
Stroke' 'em if they mega strong
fart

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022

DID NOT VOTE FOR FETTERMAN

Nigmaetcetera posted:

Their reason why not was already listed, it was doglike. Ancient Romans didn’t realize like we do today that dogs are a higher life form and we should aspire to be like them.

Romans were too busy LARPing as wolves to give a ahir about dogs

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022

DID NOT VOTE FOR FETTERMAN

HelleSpud posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satyr#/media/File:Komos_Douris_BM_E768.jpg

Attic red depiction of a satyr balancing a wine cup on his erection (500-490 B.C.E.)

is that a Pythagorean cup? That's almost a shitpost in of itself

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




The Turin papyrus:


It's a bit of a mystery. It was not just an ordinary porno as a papyrus like this would be expensive to have made. It also, in addition to lots of people having sex, shows animals doing human activities. This plus the fact that some of the positions resembles poses that priestesses would've made have lead to a theory about the military in ancient Egypt commissioned a papyrus that made fun of the priests and elite.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
Lmao @ those priests with their huge dongs having cool sex with hot women :mmmsmug:

anatomi
Jan 31, 2015

Love the dude either charging up a nice slap to dat thick rear end or maybe he's just waving at a buddy out of frame.

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022

DID NOT VOTE FOR FETTERMAN
aa weird as it is it's even weirder to see Egyptians go off model

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Colonel Cancer posted:

What kinda hosed up dogs did ancient Romans have huh

The Romans didn't have hosed up dogs and they loved them just the same as people today, and had special names for them just like we do (Spot, for example was used all the way back to ancient Rome as a dog's name).
They were perfectly happy to have them as family members/pets. I dunno where all the posts about them not treating them the same come from, it's demonstrably untrue.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Mooey Cow posted:

Lmao @ those priests with their huge dongs having cool sex with hot women :mmmsmug:

TK8325
Sep 22, 2014



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxlci1d2rOg

Great video about dogs.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Big Beef City posted:

The Romans didn't have hosed up dogs and they loved them just the same as people today, and had special names for them just like we do (Spot, for example was used all the way back to ancient Rome as a dog's name).
They were perfectly happy to have them as family members/pets. I dunno where all the posts about them not treating them the same come from, it's demonstrably untrue.

Sounds like a well measured defense... from a legionnaire! Take off your mask, Biggus Beefus

HelleSpud
Apr 1, 2010
http://oracc.museum.upenn.edu/nimrud/livesofobjects/catordog/

Assiryan dog figurines found in a well in the palace of Assurnasirpal II, named:

"Expeller of evil" (mušēṣu lemnūti) with white pigment and red spots (BM 30001)
"Catcher of the enemy" (kāšid ayyāb) with red pigment (BM 30002)
"Don't think, bite!" (ē tamtallik epuš pāka) with white pigment (BM 30003)
"Biter of his foe!" (munaššiku gārîšu) with turquoise pigment (BM 30004)
"Loud is his bark!" (dan rigiššu) with black pigment (BM 30005)

Milo and POTUS
Sep 3, 2017

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Alhazred posted:

The Turin papyrus:


It's a bit of a mystery. It was not just an ordinary porno as a papyrus like this would be expensive to have made. It also, in addition to lots of people having sex, shows animals doing human activities. This plus the fact that some of the positions resembles poses that priestesses would've made have lead to a theory about the military in ancient Egypt commissioned a papyrus that made fun of the priests and elite.

It's amazing they had the time to make the pyramids

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




In the year 41 bc during the roman civil war both sides used slingshots against each other. Often these shots would have a message carved into them. Messages like:
"Take that"
"Here comes desert"
"Hit Octavian in the rear end in a top hat"
"Ouch"
"Bald Lucius Antonius and Fulvia, spread your arse"
"I am aiming for Fulvia's clitoris"
"Sit on this, Octavian, you drilled out bitch" (this one also had a carving of a penis on it)
"Octavian, you suck cock!"

War and Pieces
Apr 24, 2022

DID NOT VOTE FOR FETTERMAN

Big Beef City posted:

The Romans didn't have hosed up dogs and they loved them just the same as people today, and had special names for them just like we do (Spot, for example was used all the way back to ancient Rome as a dog's name).
They were perfectly happy to have them as family members/pets. I dunno where all the posts about them not treating them the same come from, it's demonstrably untrue.
Absolutely nobody on earth treated dogs as well as people do these days untill the 50's if not latter

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

War and Pieces posted:

Absolutely nobody on earth treated dogs as well as people do these days untill the 50's if not latter

oh ok

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020

War and Pieces posted:

Absolutely nobody on earth treated dogs as well as people do these days untill the 50's if not latter

Henry the 3rd loved bichon frise dogs so much that he carried some in a ribboned basket he wore around his neck. https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/dog-breeds/the-bichon-frise-historys-sociable-survivor/

I’ll grant you that doesn’t necessarily constitute good treatment, but I think it’s logical to conclude that those dogs were spoiled.

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
Yeah the absolute only way you can defend that statement is regarding medical care, because obviously it's true there was no dog chemo or even spay/neuter until recently. But having a dog glued to your side, playing dressup with it, calling it your baby, giving it fancy people food, those are all very old behaviors.

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Yes they're definitely very odd behaviors

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