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Only thing worse than a computer toucher is a spreadsheet molester.
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May 16, 2022 21:35
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Big Beef City posted:I'm the one paint stripe angled the wrong way Cool guys stripe at different angles
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May 16, 2022 21:42
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never made or used a spreadsheet in my drat life I live free from the bounds of your boxes and numbers, like an eagle or a small marsupial
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May 16, 2022 22:09
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Panic! At The Tesco posted:never made or used a spreadsheet in my drat life If you put a list of eagles in one column and a list of different small marsupials in another column, you can click the column headings to sort by their names think of how convenient that would be
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May 16, 2022 22:12
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Big Beef City posted:If you put a list of eagles in one column and a list of different small marsupials in another column, you can click the column headings to sort by their names think of how convenient that would be alternatively I can continue my life of running around the woods naked, a glorious stream of fetid poo poo spraying form my rear end in a top hat as I wave my arms and screech
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May 16, 2022 22:15
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Seth Pecksniff posted:mods don't use spreadsheets nooner Speak for yourself.
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May 16, 2022 22:16
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Big Beef City posted:If you put a list of eagles in one column and a list of different small marsupials in another column, you can click the column headings to sort by their names think of how convenient that would be eventually once you have enough data yo u can create a pivot table to calculate, summarize, and analyze data that lets you see comparisons, patterns, and trends in your data.
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May 16, 2022 22:30
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i got that description from the official Microsoft©™ website btw, so non-believers could understand it's true power better
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May 16, 2022 22:39
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I kinda like doing spreadsheets. Sometimes I have to dive into some kind of project materials list that has just loving thousands and thousands of pages and I can get a little cross eyed. I tried watching a few videos through my work training portal on some advanced spreadsheet use but I fell asleep immediately. It was like casting a spell. After the first one I made sure to get a good night's sleep and loaded up on coffee and even had something to keep my hands busy, but nah, just turned on the video and woke up 45 minutes later in my office chair and extremely sore. What does tracking your stocks in excel do for you? Should I do that?
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May 16, 2022 22:43
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Going back to helpdesk poo poo, it'd be awesome to get something about Excel not working and the issue was that this person was working in some workbook that they had everything in. And I mean every. thing. Which it sounds like you monsters ALL do ALL the time and, anyway it'd be like 35gb in size or whatever and they'd be all pissed because some formula that needed 240 different pieces of data all on different tabs tied together 'was running slow now'. OH WORD? No, Excel hurrrr
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May 16, 2022 22:52
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:- hydro rate calculator. my local electricity supplier recently introduced a new way to pay: tiered prices vs. the current time of use prices. the useless utility website very poorly compared the two and how to choose which so i made a spreadsheet to determine which was better with convergence/divergence points based on our electricity use habits (sticking with time-of-use, fyi) You're in ON, right? Tiered is usually better unless you're using a ton of electricity or confining the majority of your usage to off-peak.
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May 16, 2022 23:03
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hey hey guys spreadcheeks 
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May 16, 2022 23:09
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you motherfuckers ever mail merge? I'm about to cum just loving thinking about it
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May 16, 2022 23:13
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gonna be real elitist for a moment I do device software for a living and it really gets my goat when someone is all "I wrote software too!!1" but it turns out they write fuckin excel macros. Motherfucker I've made robots, heart pumps, and hearing aids, we are not the same Anyway slap all computer touchers. We deserve it.
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May 16, 2022 23:20
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A good buddy of mine who works on more way cooler stuff asked for my help with a spreadsheet. Wanted something that showed like allocated manpower over time, broken down by like tasks and equipment required. So I threw something together in an afternoon, pretty basic. Stole half of it off another spreadsheet I found in their directory. He loved it. Started showing it around. Showed his boss. Showed it to a VP, who was impressed and asked who I was. Construction rules, I'm a gigantic moron and I can still feel smart
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May 16, 2022 23:24
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sudonim posted:gonna be real elitist for a moment what is that like FORTRAN
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May 16, 2022 23:27
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McGavin posted:You're in ON, right? Tiered is usually better unless you're using a ton of electricity or confining the majority of your usage to off-peak. i use like 1500 to 2000 kwh per month, usually about 60%+ off-peak. so yeah, tiered would be more expensive for me. if i used more during mid or peak hours or if i just used less (never gonna happen) tiered would be better, but i don't
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May 16, 2022 23:31
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The Fattest PI posted:What does tracking your stocks in excel do for you? Should I do that? i don't use it much anymore but i used to use it to automate decisions when i was swing trading. now i just have my money in index funds and gamble occasionally, no time for active trading these days
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May 16, 2022 23:32
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sudonim posted:gonna be real elitist for a moment i design robots and work with programmers who do real programming so i never pretend that i write code when i'm goofing off in excel with vba lol
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May 16, 2022 23:33
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Big Beef City posted:Going back to helpdesk poo poo, it'd be awesome to get something about Excel not working and the issue was that this person was working in some workbook that they had everything in. lol wanna see that EPIC 35 gb spreadsheet
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May 16, 2022 23:34
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Big Beef City posted:what is that like FORTRAN C C++ Python Lua Bash and JavaScript lol hot cocoa on the couch posted:i design robots and work with programmers who do real programming so i never pretend that i write code when i'm goofing off in excel with vba lol but your contributions to the robot are just as important (actually more important) 
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May 16, 2022 23:41
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Big Beef City posted:Going back to helpdesk poo poo, it'd be awesome to get something about Excel not working and the issue was that this person was working in some workbook that they had everything in. So this is a tangential story about excel's big brother, Access. Specifically Access 1997 in TYOOL 2006/7. Back in the before times, I used to be a computer toucher for a call center. The owner/founder of the call center had created his own CRM in Access 97, using ODBC to connect back to some absurdly ancient SQL server. When I came on board, they had deployed Dell servers with gigabit ethernet (in 2006!) because of the atrocious performance of their CRM. The owner/founder/programmer didn't understand how SQL worked, period, so he just used it to store data. Every function, every call, sort, select, and other excel type operation re-downloaded the entire SQL database, and then performed whatever previous selections had been chosen + the new operation. 50+ Dell server-servers (  still in the workstation format tho because this was sixteen years ago) churning their brains out on Access 97 calls while the SQL server sat at 6% CPU usage. I ended up teaching myself a whole lotta SQL and access poo poo to unwrap that whole mess. Anyway then I got fed up and quit and never worked as a computer toucher again. How do I get in on this internet battletech action? EDIT forgot the important bit about access 97 - owner had built the code in 1997 in the then-relevant Access 97. There were some syntax changes in going to the new version of Access, and he didn't understand them so he said they were impossible. Why is this important - Access 97 had gone way EOS/EOL by the time I showed up in 2006. They'd already been busted by the FBI for using pirated versions of Access 97, so they were constantly on the hunt on eBay for someone selling randomly selling their old legit copy of Office. They couldn't buy support at any price from Microsoft, so the owner was a member of a shitload of usenet groups where you could hire Access "experts" who would come in and do programming. Vampire Panties fucked around with this message at 23:48 on May 16, 2022 |
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May 16, 2022 23:43
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At one of my old jobs basically every original developer and product manager had left years prior, and there was no documentation about product tiers, what features each tier was supposed to have, what features relied on other features, what the intended pricing for any tier was, etc. So they hired all these new product teams to basically re-build everything from the ground up with modern "streamlined" UX. So the solution was everyone in the (new) product teams created their own spreadsheet about what they thought the intended product tiers, features, pricing, dependencies, etc. were. Then someone took every one of those feature key spreadsheets and mashed them all into a single google sheets project. So when you wanted to know for example if feature XYZ was supposed to be available on the Professional tier or whether the customer needed the Elite tier you had to open up this spreadsheet and then glance through dozens of different tabs to see if there was a general consensus, because no one wanted to take the time to collate them all into a single aggregate sheet or whatever and I don't know how the gently caress google sheets works so I wasn't going to do it. My job was managing the jira and bug reports and every single week I had some customer service manager coming over to me with one of their reps arguing that Feature ABC was SUPPOSED to be available on Plan Level 3 but it ACTUALLY requires Plan Level 4 and now the customer is upset and I need to write a jira for it because it's clearly a bug because their CS rep is pretty sure that if they remember right, it actually was available on plan level 3 in the past, and 2 of the tabs in the feature key say so. When I got a question like that, my duty was to provide a verified, unambiguous answer about how the product was supposed to work, and write up a report for any where it worked other than the way I said or where I could not unambiguously point to documentation showing one clear true answer. Which of course was not a thing in this spreadsheet because it's full of conflicting information and no one at the company knows for sure and it's somehow up to marketing now to decide what features belong at what plan levels except they never do because they don't know. Okay and then my job was to, whenever a JIRA was written like this, to pester the devs constantly until they could mark it as resolved with a 100% verified, foolproof answer or resolution. So over the course of two years at the job I built up a backlog of around 1300 jira tickets that were just that, just... "someone in CS has 'a hunch' so I need to ask for an update on this ticket every week until you provide me with the documented answer, which doesn't exist and never will exist". And then when a JIRA had been unresolved for 60+ days it started to show up in some C-level meeting powerpoints or whatever and I would get an email from the C-suite telling me there were X number of unresolved tickets in my queue and I would then have to send an email to the product teams listing and detailing the unresolved JIRA tickets I needed their answers on. Which of course no one read So for 2 years my job was just to send a list of ~1300 jira ticket URLs every week to the product teams then write an email to the c-suite about why they weren't resolved yet. And it took all of my time every day to the point where when I left that was literally all I did every day. And if just one person at this billion dollar company had known how spreadsheets work it all could have been avoided
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May 16, 2022 23:52
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That reminds me of 'purchasing' software for users who needed it deployed at my last place. Which involved consulting a spreadsheet for costs as well as who, somewhere in the country, was the holder of the key to this mythical software in question (whatever it was that day), contacting them. Then contacting purchasing. Then contacting the user's manager for their budget approval. Putting through the purchase request. Then contacting management to rubber stamp it back to the key holder. Getting the ok from the key holder. Then pushing the install. Hoping the install worked. Hoping you didn't have too much configuration to do post install. And hoping you got away without the "Oh since I have you" It was like being Winston in 1984 shoving a scrap of paper down the memory hole and wondering but not caring where it went. Eventually that got more automated with SCCM and a 'store' like interface for SOME products. Good luck w/that for users doing that. Big Beef City fucked around with this message at 00:10 on May 17, 2022 |
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May 17, 2022 00:07
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:i use like 1500 to 2000 kwh per month, usually about 60%+ off-peak. so yeah, tiered would be more expensive for me. if i used more during mid or peak hours or if i just used less (never gonna happen) tiered would be better, but i don't Jesus, that's a lot of juice. Do you have a spreadsheet for your grow-op?
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May 17, 2022 00:08
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McGavin posted:Jesus, that's a lot of juice. Do you have a spreadsheet for your grow-op? household of 5 + electric heating/cooling + metal cutting and welding in my garage adds up lol
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May 17, 2022 00:38
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mom and dad fight a lot posted:you motherfuckers ever mail merge? You should try male merge
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May 17, 2022 01:01
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I use spreadsheets and OP its how I make my money. Cheers dude.
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May 17, 2022 01:26
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spreadsheets rule computers are for excel and everything else they can do is a bonus
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May 17, 2022 01:31
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Doctor Dogballs posted:spreadsheets rule basically what i'm saying
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May 17, 2022 01:57
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Katamari Democracy posted:I use spreadsheets and OP its how I make my money. Cheers dude. 
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May 17, 2022 01:58
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:i don't use it much anymore but i used to use it to automate decisions when i was swing trading. now i just have my money in index funds and gamble occasionally, no time for active trading these days Uhhh can you send it to me? There's almost zero chance I'll use a stranger's random spreadsheet to make decisions with my hard earned moneys, but I'm curious how it works. It's also clearly out of my skill level and this is the only way I learn things in excel.
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May 17, 2022 03:40
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i copy and paste excel spreadsheets to update power BI lists. i just do what i'm told
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May 17, 2022 03:42
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Tell me you're neurodivergent without tell me you're neurodivergent: a thread.
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May 17, 2022 04:19
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here's my impersonation of an excel cell when I try to do vlookup, ahem: #NAME?
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May 17, 2022 04:21
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gently caress u op Spreadsheets are really bad, god damnit.
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May 17, 2022 04:30
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kntfkr posted:here's my impersonation of an excel cell when I try to do vlookup, ahem: #NAME? Hint: use xlookup instead
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May 17, 2022 04:45
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Harminoff posted:Hint: use xlookup instead See I never asked to read this, about spreadsheets. I don't want to have this rattling around up there now. C'mon. C'mon.
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May 17, 2022 04:51
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Seth Pecksniff posted:this is the weirdest j4g intro yet j4g 0ff
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May 17, 2022 04:53
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May 17, 2022 05:00
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