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If I feel the urge to poop I sit on the toilet, push a little and the entire turd slides out in like 2 seconds. Are you guys seriously sitting there grunting and straining for minutes at a time? Is your diet entirely Big Macs and no water?
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Jun 9, 2022 23:56
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Who only poops one way? My poo poo-pattern is a scattered array of unknowability. Sometimes it's quick, other times my legs go numb.
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Jun 9, 2022 23:58
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Superior pooper supremacy get the gently caress out of here weird inferior poopers. I AM JUDGING YOU FOR YOUR POOPS.
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Jun 9, 2022 23:58
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You don't read because you're pooping. Pooping is an excuse to get in some quiet reading time.
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Jun 10, 2022 00:01
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just hit the diarrhea bong at my friends brothers place sounds nasty but it was actually lit. We were smoking through a bong with this muddy brown water that looked like poo poo and I assumed it was just regular water and the bong hadn't been cleaned in a while. Turns out the dude puts his diarrhea in the fridge for months and filters it
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Jun 10, 2022 00:01
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I don't understand people who can be on the toilet for more than 5 mins if they're not having gastrointestinal issues Like what are you doing? Your poo poo is literally wafting back up your butt crack. You now are sitting on top of your own poo poo Disgusting creatures.
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Jun 10, 2022 00:02
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I agree OP. one of my mates always takes ages, he'll be like, "just away for a jobbie brb" and then like 20+ mins later he's still poopin' and we're all looking at each other like, "wtf". I have a terrible horrible diet and all my poos are normal and take no more than 3 minutes from start to finish.
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Jun 10, 2022 00:04
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I like to read my poop. After I take a huge steamer ill take a peek and see if the universe in trying to speak to me with my stool.
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Jun 10, 2022 00:12
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For those of us that have families it’s the only time you get some GODDAMN PEACE AND QUIET TIME
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Jun 10, 2022 00:25
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My poops took a lot less time once I got a bidet and could rocket some water up my rear end to flush out the stubborn bits. Seriously, 30 bucks
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Jun 10, 2022 00:39
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CozyFella posted:I like to read my poop. After I take a huge steamer ill take a peek and see if the universe in trying to speak to me with my stool.  Mmhmm poo-tea divination
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Jun 10, 2022 00:44
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Sometimes I get a cliffhanger and I’m like, goddamn is this poo poo ever going to drop? Like you can try jiggling a little or whatever but it’s still there, stuck in limbo. And it’s like, if you pinch it half of it is still in your rear end in a top hat and you got goops of poo poo around the rim then. Then what? Just wait for it to plop? Literally never does. You can read like 2 car and drivers and do all the puzzles in a highlights, still zero progress. So what just wipe? Then you got one of those things where you’re just smearing poo poo up and down your buttcrack, and even when you get that wiped off this little turd is just progressing out like a poopy pez dispenser. Like you need a courtesy flush PLUS a whole bogroll to get that poo poo off. Might as well have had ribs and whiskey because your high fiber diet has failed you. It’s one of those FML shits you hope never happens at a festival or on an airplane. 
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Jun 10, 2022 00:52
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toilet time is for posting int he Friday thread
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Jun 10, 2022 00:56
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Sometimes I get a cliffhanger and I’m like, goddamn is this poo poo ever going to drop? Like you can try jiggling a little or whatever but it’s still there, stuck in limbo. And it’s like, if you pinch it half of it is still in your rear end in a top hat and you got goops of poo poo around the rim then. Then what? Just wait for it to plop? Literally never does. You can read like 2 car and drivers and do all the puzzles in a highlights, still zero progress. So what just wipe? Then you got one of those things where you’re just smearing poo poo up and down your buttcrack, and even when you get that wiped off this little turd is just progressing out like a poopy pez dispenser. Like you need a courtesy flush PLUS a whole bogroll to get that poo poo off. Might as well have had ribs and whiskey because your high fiber diet has failed you. It’s one of those FML shits you hope never happens at a festival or on an airplane. same
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Jun 10, 2022 01:00
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Time is the toilet in which we poop.
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Jun 10, 2022 01:10
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beer gas canister posted:toilet time is for posting int he Friday thread lol. abslouetley this
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Jun 10, 2022 01:11
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I poop in 2 seconds, then I sit there and hide from my family for the next 20 minutes.
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Jun 10, 2022 01:12
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Sometimes I get a cliffhanger and I’m like, goddamn is this poo poo ever going to drop? Like you can try jiggling a little or whatever but it’s still there, stuck in limbo. And it’s like, if you pinch it half of it is still in your rear end in a top hat and you got goops of poo poo around the rim then. Then what? Just wait for it to plop? Literally never does. You can read like 2 car and drivers and do all the puzzles in a highlights, still zero progress. So what just wipe? Then you got one of those things where you’re just smearing poo poo up and down your buttcrack, and even when you get that wiped off this little turd is just progressing out like a poopy pez dispenser. Like you need a courtesy flush PLUS a whole bogroll to get that poo poo off. Might as well have had ribs and whiskey because your high fiber diet has failed you. It’s one of those FML shits you hope never happens at a festival or on an airplane. lmao @ this guy who doesn't own a poop spoon
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Jun 10, 2022 01:17
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I have never poo poo
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Jun 10, 2022 01:21
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I have wondered this so many times in my life Every time I am in someone's bathroom and they have things to read I think "well here is someone who is not doing it right" As with everything though it is likely due to people who have medical issues that to that person are normal and therefore ignored
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Jun 10, 2022 01:24
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If you arent spending at least 30 minutes on the toilet at least twice a day between the hours of 8-5 you are doing something extremely wrong
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Jun 10, 2022 01:27
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Nefarious 2.0 posted:I have never poo poo See OP, look at this poor guy. Been on the toilet all his life!
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Jun 10, 2022 01:28
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DON'T: read on the toilet 🚫 DO: post on the toilet ✅
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Jun 10, 2022 01:28
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my rear end in a top hat is greedy and doesnt want to share its poop with the toilet. im considering group therapy.
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Jun 10, 2022 01:31
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i bet the OP poops off the clock
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Jun 10, 2022 01:32
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I used to take a super long time to poop until I discovered they make an electric poop knife.
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Jun 10, 2022 02:37
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you ever poo poo at work, op
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Jun 10, 2022 02:59
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Bathroom time is trivia time. Keep a copy of the Guinness Book of World Records and marvel at the world's largest Jello mold or that guy with the five foot long fingernails.
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Jun 10, 2022 03:19
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You gots to poop on company time, it's prime opportunity for posting
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Jun 10, 2022 03:36
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I got bad guts!
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Jun 10, 2022 03:46
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I'm not gonna lie, that 6-8 AM absolute poo poo missile, just one giant turd, no splash, full sinker is as satisfying as..... poo poo. Chief McHeath fucked around with this message at 03:50 on Jun 10, 2022 |
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Jun 10, 2022 03:48
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I poop fast but then spend another 15 minutes finishing the chapter of whatever book I'm reading of its any good
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Jun 10, 2022 05:14
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You know GBS has this fixation on pooping and I've really been debating if I should go ahead make a thread about my upcoming colonoscopy. My brother is dying of colon cancer and I haven't pooped right since I quit smoking 3 years ago so I am overdue for one, this is of course my first. But this is pretty drat unsexy On the other hand--- alot of you guys should get one in the next 10 years. Colon cancer is SUPER PREVENTABLE sometimes. According to the nice butt doctor I had a phone interview with if they get in there and remove lil precancerous polyps (I assume that's what they are, he called them moles in the phone call and I decided not to be insulted) the chances of later cancer are reduced 80 PERCENT!!! I have to empty my brother's colostomy bag multiple times a day for him. After a few weeks of this I went to my doctor and said I want a docs head up my rear end STAT
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Jun 10, 2022 05:20
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If you rotate 180 degrees you can put your laptop on the cistern. There's not much you can't do on the toilet. Don't take calls though. People can always tell.
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Jun 10, 2022 05:21
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Spinz posted:You know GBS has this fixation on pooping and I've really been debating if I should go ahead make a thread about my upcoming colonoscopy. how much it cost becaues thats probably biggest hurdle for most who havent had it
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Jun 10, 2022 05:23
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Odd.
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Jun 10, 2022 05:27
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Spinz posted:I have to empty my brother's colostomy bag multiple times a day for him. drat bro you're a really good brother, lots of props for this
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Jun 10, 2022 05:33
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SpaceAceJase posted:Don't take calls though. People can always tell.
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Jun 10, 2022 05:45
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Caesar Saladin posted:drat bro you're a really good brother, lots of props for this How on God's green earth do you not know I'm a chick yet lol Your username was in my very first username thread I ever did!! Spinz fucked around with this message at 15:10 on Jun 10, 2022 |
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Jun 10, 2022 05:47
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Jun 10, 2022 05:54
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