byob mental health thread~

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Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Heather Papps posted:

i'm bipolar, been diagnosed and on meds since i had my initial psychotic break, live here on byob!

this winter has been a poo poo, i had a rough depression time that is slowly lifting and i'm trying to get back into the swing of things more or less successfully.

some thoughts: if your brain won't shut up use your body. therapy is good and helpful but is a tool to be used not a lifestyle to opt into. medicine is good, even stuff that drs don't prescribe but be careful with those. i'm on olanzapine to prevent or mitigate the manic episodes and as long as i take it it works. marijuana has been very helpful in managing my brain but i do not see a point in my future where i'm off scripts permanently. no big deal. i wear glasses every day, same sorta thing.

coming back to byob and making sometimes funny posts with smart funny people has been good therapeutic activity. it goes without saying but clearly everyone posting here uses comedy as a tool to manage themselves and i think it's one of the most productive ways to process negative feelings.

i love you have a good day be nice to yourself.

Sorry to hear the bad and nice to hear the good.

I'm bipolar type II which sounds fun and all (and was for a while) but it isn't right now. Unfortunately there aren't many good solutions for bipolar depression in type II. Well there are but they're not available. Clinical trials and such. I think in a decade we'll look back on how this disease was treated and think we were in the Stone Age.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2022 01:40

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# ¿ May 19, 2024 15:47

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

FaceStabber posted:

Anyway that's me hello,. tl;dr I'm confident that I'm appropriately hosed up to be able to help other people who are struggling with being hosed up somehow and I'm finally feeling the most okay I have been in years.

Sorry to hear buddy. Hope things become less hosed up feeling soon.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 00:58

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

So my life is fairly messed up right now. Presumably from an outside perspective it's in shambles. I've wasted a lot of opportunities some of which the average person might kill to get.

But maybe just maybe this turns around soon. It depends on the decision of a governing body and the logistics of Scotland being in the Union when I practiced there even though it isn't now.

Wish me luck orbs because I'm either back to being a real professional in just over a month or living with my mom again and probably working for minimum wage (and again for most this would be normal reality of our economy). I find out soon and am honestly not sure how I won't fold under the pressure if the answer is No. I've fallen apart in other circumstances so how would this be different?

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 01:16 on Jul 18, 2022

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 01:02

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Heather Papps posted:

i vacillate between thinking "man it would have been nice to live in the past and just have been some sort of mystic monk sequestered in a cave, going through highly productive periods and depressive states unmedicated" and realizing "no, the present is honestly the best time ever for this sort of thing buddy, you're quite lucky"

I still feel like my disease would be a super power if medicated the way it might be in a decade's time. Not that I was ever a genius who used the ups to compose symphonies or make breakthrough discoveries. I just wrote some papers. But it's more productive than my lazy self usually is going to be. Plus being so happy drugs can't hold a candle to daily experience made me at times feel sorry for people who are just "normal". How can they go around not knowing what it feels like to be on top of the world? So ecstatic that you want to scream? Being the dude from American Beauty crying at garbage bags floating in the wind? It was a shock when my psychiatrist in the UK told me that most people can only hope to be Content.

Right now it feels like a kick in the guts because I remember, vaguely, the up times and the difference between them and the lows is so jarring.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 01:14

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Yup. Thanks Paps. I think *most* of my friends are okay with hypo-manic me. But I've definitely made some questionable decisions. Including financial.

For a little while the drug you speak of was for me lamotrigine. It was just high and mids with no lows. Guess who has a rare haematological reaction to it, however?

The new round of therapies I'm hoping for are NMDA receptor based. You can even get ketamine infusions in Toronto if you're BPII in a depressive phrase. That can be a lifesaver. But they cost thousands of dollars out of pocket.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 01:52

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Heather Papps posted:

looking into this. i'm currently on a 7.5 mg daily dose of olanzapine. why are so many mania suppression meds just off label use seizure meds.

is mania just a brain seizure that last a long time? i may give this drug a shot, even though my current regimen works at keeping me functional.

interesting.

The standard for olanzapine would be to add fluoxetine as an antidepressant. But please don't take anything I say as medical advice. I *was* a doctor until I messed my life up in a series of bad decisions. Right now I'm just a guy who had an excellent time on lamotrigine: It was the first drug i took where hypomania wasn't followed by depression. And that's what it has good evidence going for it: preventing depression in BP. Honestly if something made me half as functional I would be unstoppable.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 02:16 on Jul 18, 2022

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 02:08

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Papps I've always liked you since I saw your awatar and I want you to thrive. Sorry safety with the eagles.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 02:23

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

News isn't good. I am not holding it together well. Even though everyone is on my team and I feel that coming through. I'm my own worst enemy and maybe only slightly less annoying for being concious of this fact. Maybe even more culpable.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 15:34

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

baka fwocka fwame posted:

i would like to sympathize with the "if properly medicated, its a pro" current of discourse as thats how i feel. i usually get way more creative if im in the zone and i really dont want to lose that forever, as creativity is all i really care about

Kanye made Donda while from what we know properly medicated. Questionable features aside.

I hope your creativity shines regardless of what you take in the morning.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 19:27 on Jul 18, 2022

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 19:25

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Zil posted:

Currently on the following daily, Latuda, Prozac, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Lyrica

A fellow BPII?

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 19:28 on Jul 18, 2022

# ¿ Jul 18, 2022 19:26

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Glad this thread is still here. I'm still doing poorly.

I would like a drastic change in my medications but I'm afraid I've run through the lot of standardized treatment for bipolar depression. There are a few adjuncts like lurasidone left but that is quite expensive. I'm both feeling bad and scared, goons.

e: Screw my blood for not handling lamotrigine well. Naah I love you blood. But still it is a gently caress that I can't take what worked.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2022 22:34

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I wasn't a candidate for electroshock last time I checked. But I would do radical things such as ECT if I could.

Not suicidal or anything but I wake up some days wishing I hadn't. And have this anhedonia. Sending time with pals is one of the few things that makes it OK for a short while i.e. while actually hanging out.

Outside is good and I am kicking myself for losing my apartment in a nice area with a park. Now I'm in a grimmier part of town.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2022 00:16

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Also, anhedonia sucks. It's a big improvement over the past few weeks I can even browse BYOB.

Baka hope things pick up re: meltdowns.

I recall hearing how in some places clinicians can prescribe free access to national parks to those dealing with mental health issues. But... if you're struggling to get out of bed and shower...

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Aug 7, 2022

# ¿ Aug 7, 2022 00:18

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Heather Papps posted:

yeah it's a hell of a time when literally nothing is enjoyable. i've lost a lot of weight this way in bad times. i'm 5'10 or whatever and at some points was down to under 120lbs. i feel you, i'm sorry you're there right now.

Thanks pal!

I have made such a mess of things lately I almost wish I could go hypomania and sort everything out. But there are downsides as you say.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2022 00:22

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I'm just happy you're reading my spam on this thread. Somehow it's easier talking to the 'YOB than it is talking to people who know me and just get worried. Not that you don't care it's just less excited conversation.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2022 00:36

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

One thing I do not like about some self-health group meetings is when people try to convince you that medication isn't the answer and that you can get off after completing some program.

Had a woman crying having gone off her sertraline because she wanted to be "sober". Sure that idea is so prevalent she might have thought of it herself but what you hear in meetings doesn't help. Like someone spoke up saying that if they hadn't gone through the pain of stopping their medication they would not have improved.

Let people take their prescribed drugs please.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2022 22:28

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Ohtori Akio posted:

you know what was funny to realize? I started going to a no-priests type religious deal, where 99% of the time spent is just quietly listening or light pleasant conversation with others, and eventually realized it was like half current or retired mental health professionals. i think the modern day chiefs and priests need it bad too

This vaguely reminds me of Quaker meetings and I love those.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2022 22:30

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

BALLS DILDO posted:

i sure would like to be less insanely doped up on occasion though so I may operate a motor vehicle
just moved to the boondocks and have very scarce buses to rely on
sure did manage to gently caress myself over royally whilst manic for two months

Sorry to hear this.

I understand you have a vehicle but aren't driving because of the medications you take?

Must really suck.

# ¿ Aug 8, 2022 00:45

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Ohtori Akio posted:

got it in one yeah

If you have easy access to those then I am jealous.

# ¿ Aug 8, 2022 18:58

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Man at times I will have my act together. Medication, reading Stoic philosophy, exercise, good meals, yoga.

Then like a lightbulb being turned off the world gets so dark. None of what I did to prepare for the bad times seems to pay dividends.

Then like now and I can hardly get out of bed let alone force myself to do the things that might bring me back out of my low.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 15:13 on Aug 9, 2022

# ¿ Aug 8, 2022 19:01

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I want a big change in my pharmacotherapy. I don't even care about side effects. Just please make me functional I am wasting my life.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2022 01:16

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Hang in there baka.

And yes speak to your psychiatrist. Some are more concerned about SSRIs than others but it's worth the conversation.

I'm also taking lithium and am dissapointed it's not a magic bullet like lamotrigine was for me. Everyone is different however and for some lithium IS magic.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2022 15:11

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Woah FD I am sorry you're going through a rough time. It's good you recognize it will pass. But in the moment it can feel overwhelming. Still a good outlook as I have made many poor choices thinking that feeling bad will last forever.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2022 16:16

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

My man I'm hoping you're just going through a tough time and don't feel this way consistantly.

If it means anything I am also not welcome everywhere that I'd like to be. To a large extent this is my fault. But I've found places where I am welcome.

You say you don't deserve sympathy from anyone here but how about you let us be the judge of that?

# ¿ Aug 10, 2022 21:46

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Also if you feel this way all the time and you have access to therapy maybe give it a shot.

All my childhood I felt like I didn't belong, that I was a loser who people instinctively didn't like. I couldn't tell you why people didn't like me. They just didn't.

But working on it I found that I am underestimating myself. And that there were aspects of my behaviour which were unpleasant. This could be mitigated if im aware of them.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Aug 10, 2022

# ¿ Aug 10, 2022 21:50

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I am sad and keep messing my life up.

You guys make it bearable.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2022 22:20

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I'm so happy for you poverty goat.

What made you change tack? Being fed up?

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Aug 13, 2022

# ¿ Aug 12, 2022 17:18

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I need a win. Just a big win.

Also more medication as I'm not even getting those small victories.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2022 22:38

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

teen witch posted:

i don�t know how to not pull away and hide. I don�t quite know why I do it. I feel safe, but I hurt so many others.

I found that most of the people in my life will give me time they just want communication, and yet when it gets real bad even that ks a high bar to jump.

Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:

Really struggling with life. My brain keeps jumping to the "just KYS" at every slight annoyance or inconvenience.
I had to quit my job or lose my disability funding and I really hated my job so that was easy. But now I'm just barely scraping by without employment income. Probably going to go bankrupt if the bankruptcy people ever get back to me.

I'm hoping youbcan get help for intrusive thoughts as they are no fun to say the least.

Don't feel bad about the bankruptcy. People in a lot easier situation than yours have relief on it.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2022 15:47

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I feel like depression is really taking a number on my cognitive abilities. Words barely come to mind and I'm forgetting basic things. I'm not even posting any advice in the Goon Doctor right now. Wouldn't be proper.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 03:44 on Aug 29, 2022

# ¿ Aug 29, 2022 02:15

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

You're not rambling Papps and I appreciate you posting your experience even if it is different than mine. In fact I look forward to your posts in this thread.

And Allie hopefully relief comes soon for both of us.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2022 00:38

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

teen witch posted:

I HAVE A WELLBUTRIN PRESCRIPTION AGAIN!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0t76ktRwt0

Yay! Let us know of it perks you up any.

# ¿ Sep 7, 2022 01:16

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

More news incoming that may tip me over the edge if it is bad as I see it. Really worried about myself. Last time I went no contact for two weeks barely leaving the flat. Or my bed.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2022 20:50

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Wow sorry you guys went through a really tough time.

I want to be happy tomorrow and at least functioning if I am not but my past track record is poor.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2022 23:11

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Didn't get news today.

Maybe Monday.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2022 17:34

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

I'm such a big child this weekend. I didn't get bad news so I'm not as stressed. Even though the news may come tomorrow.

And I maybe focuced a bit too much on the withdrawal aspects. I also didn't take care of myself for over two weeks when I last got bad news. Crying into pillows would have been an upgrade.

I realize I'm making myself the centre of everything but I just really, really hope it turns out okay.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2022 16:35

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

baka fwocka fwame posted:

hey wassup bb vent away here as honourary op (cuz I made this thread while crazy) i say it�s totally chillin liiiike everyone�s mental health war is like their main preoccupation which makes sense

idk how I�ve been doing I�ve obviously been melting down again but I�m trying

I hope all ur poo poo turns out ok

I thank you for making this thread. I still had a breakdown while posting here but it's so nice to have it available.

And from discord it's not obvious my dude so if you want to egest then do so!

# ¿ Sep 11, 2022 18:26

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

My case will only go to the Commission at the end of the month.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2022 15:01

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Song stuck in my head but I don't play it because it wouldn't hit right.

Thanks anhedonia!

Anyways, thank you for coming to my pity party.

Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 00:34 on Sep 16, 2022

# ¿ Sep 16, 2022 00:28

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# ¿ May 19, 2024 15:47

Bright Bart: False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped

Sorry for everyone going through though times.

Today there is a light show going on downtown and I was meant to go with a group. Attended pre-show pizza but just could go on. Normally music and spectacle make me happy but right now it just brings home how my stress & feeling down is removing that possibility.

# ¿ Sep 24, 2022 21:30

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