Lightyear? More like "Slight Sneer."

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Lightyear? More like "Slight Sneer."

«‹›4 »

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

Did you see the Bob's Burgers movie Applewhite?

# ? Aug 10, 2022 04:55

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 7, 2024 09:31

Edgar: Sep 9, 2005; Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!; Wedge Regret

I got frustrated with the FTL portion that created the two Buzz lightyears, they didn't explain how that happened. Just, here you go, FTL created two time lines? Would it created multiple other timelines? I wish they spent some more energy on expanding on that.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 04:56

Devils Affricate: Jan 22, 2010

I haven't seen Raya but considering how even the furries didn't latch onto it, I assume it must be pretty bad

# ? Aug 10, 2022 04:56

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Edgar posted:

I got frustrated with the FTL portion that created the two Buzz lightyears, they didn't explain how that happened. Just, here you go, FTL created two time lines? Would it created multiple other timelines? I wish they spent some more energy on expanding on that.

I was already so frustrated by that point I just yelled out "sure, why the hell not?"

The movie already completely shits the bed on how time dilation works. Unless the planet's sun is four lightyears away from the planet, four years would not have elapsed on the planet to an object traveling at relativistic speeds.

It takes light roughly 11 minutes to travel from the sun to the earth. Assuming the alien planet from the movie is roughly the same distance, then a ship traveling at ".7c" would complete a round trip in 37.2 minutes. Worst case scenario, 37.2 minutes will have passed on the planet and no time will have passed to Lightyear.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:04

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

And that's ALREADY accepting that in the movie's setting, there's an FTL "hyperdrive" that is still subject to relativity despite the fact that the whole point of FTL drives is to get around relativity and its consequences.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:07

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Lawrence Gilchrist posted:

Did you see the Bob's Burgers movie Applewhite?

I haven't yet but I want to.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:10

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Cum Fuckqueer

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:20

20 Blunts: Jan 21, 2017

no tim allen voiceover??? suck my dang dick d*sney

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:24

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Not even Patrick Warburton.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:24

Jelly: Feb 11, 2004; Ask me about my STD collection!

Applewhite posted:

I haven't yet but I want to.

I find your opinions cocksure but unabrasive. I would enjoy it if you would do a review of the Bob's Burgers movie. I have heard mixed reviews and I have not looked up critic reviews yet.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:28

its all nice on rice: Nov 12, 2006; Sweet, Salty Goodness.; Buglord

Applewhite posted:

I haven't yet but I want to.

There's a clam car and a crab car!

# ? Aug 10, 2022 05:50

JediTalentAgent: Jun 5, 2005; Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!

Applewhite posted:

The movie starts off by framing itself as the movie the Buzz Lightyear toy from Toy Story was based on, including explicitly stating that the movie came out in 1995. The movie then proceeds to be nothing like anything that was or could have been released in 1995.

You want to know what would have been a good movie to make? A Pixar movie that tried to replicate with CGI what a sci-fi movie that came out in the 90's might have looked like. That would have been an interesting, even daring film concept. That would have been an artistic undertaking worthy of Pixar.

This movie doesn't even attempt to place itself in the future of the 90s.

Not going to lie, based on the first teaser trailer, I was expecting Lightyear to be about making a modern movie based on the toy/cartoon/merchandising franchise of the 1990s Buzz Lightyear in the Pixarverse.

A lot of metacommentary about how child-friendly franchises eventually become modernized as darker and more violent versions of themselves, actors and directors dealing with fandom criticisms as the film is in production, sudden superstar fame and attention. Main villains of the movie are toxic fandoms and "Tom Ballen", the original voice of the Buzz Lightyear toy who starts a popular fan campaign to dump Evan's character and cast him in the role.

The film is littered with youtube videos of 37 year old Andy and Sid ranting on Youtube about how everything in the film looks horrible and woke.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 06:57

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

yeah i guess all that is true but have you seen barely legal gapers 27?

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD fucked around with this message at 07:17 on Aug 10, 2022

# ? Aug 10, 2022 07:14

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

who could forget the famous little person gangbang scene fron "this is not sophies choice: the xxx parody" where it turns out the villain all along was the fuckin cops

chills, man

# ? Aug 10, 2022 07:16

jazzyhattrick: Jul 1, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Applewhite posted:

If Pixar set out to make a movie more pointless than Planes, it succeeded.

I thought it was impossible for a movie to matter less than the Warcraft movie but here we are. Lightyear may be the single least important cultural event of the 21st century.

The movie is so mediocre it's infuriating.

The movie starts off by framing itself as the movie the Buzz Lightyear toy from Toy Story was based on, including explicitly stating that the movie came out in 1995. The movie then proceeds to be nothing like anything that was or could have been released in 1995.

You want to know what would have been a good movie to make? A Pixar movie that tried to replicate with CGI what a sci-fi movie that came out in the 90's might have looked like. That would have been an interesting, even daring film concept. That would have been an artistic undertaking worthy of Pixar.

This movie doesn't even attempt to place itself in the future of the 90s.

Okay, whatever, at least it's a good movie, right? No. It's boring, safe, textureless schlock. Even the much-touted "controversial" same sex kiss was just a tepid, barely-there lesbian relationship that the movie swept past before it could even register.

You want to know what would have been a controversial same sex kiss? Fuckin' make Buzz gay. Have Buzz kiss a man on the lips and call him "sweetie" before going off on his mission. That would have been controversial.

Maybe I'm too hung up on what might have been, but this movie couldn't even hold my kids' attention and they'll watch anything with spaceships in it.

The movie wasn't even a passable pastiche of science fiction tropes. There were some Star Wars sound effects and the opening riffs on Alien for about 5 seconds but not enough of anything anywhere to even get a good nostalgia going.

I'd get into nitpicking the nonsensical plot (where was the rest of the human race during this 100 year interval? If the team goes to the Gamma quadrant won't they run into exactly the same time dilation problem that's been the sticking point the whole movie?) but frankly it doesn't even really matter.

I have no idea who this movie is even for. It's too bland even for children, and not nostalgic enough for the adults that would have been children when the original Toy Story came out.

0/10 stars. Go rewatch Turning Red instead. poo poo, go watch Planes for the first time instead.

I wonder what Jim Halpert would think of this film. :thunk:

# ? Aug 10, 2022 08:25

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Thanks for your scathing movie review Applewhite, I liked it (the review, I won't be seeing the movie). I hope you post it widely on the internet including rottentomatoes & IMDB, to inform others and discourage them from wasting time or money watching what is clearly a turkey.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 08:34

Super Waffle: Sep 25, 2007; I'm a hermaphrodite and my parents (40K nerds) named me Slaanesh, THANKS MOM

As a Latino person, I thought Encanto was hot garbage, bar a couple of the songs. No real villain, nonsensical plot, and an overall inferior version of Coco.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 08:51

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Pretty sure Applewhite wants to watch Tim Allen and Tom hanks gently caress. Or he made his Woody and Buzz dolls gently caress when he was a kid. It's definitely one of those two, though.

Gotta hand it to him. It's a heck of an image and a good kink to have.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 09:03

Szyznyk: Mar 4, 2008

Devils Affricate posted:

I haven't seen Raya but considering how even the furries didn't latch onto it, I assume it must be pretty bad

I�ve never seen movie related toys go on clearance so fast.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 09:06

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

Applewhite posted:

I haven't yet but I want to.

I think you would like it, based on your review style.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 09:42

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Szyznyk posted:

I’ve never seen movie related toys go on clearance so fast.

Keep an eye out for Batgirl movie toys

# ? Aug 10, 2022 12:38

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

jazzyhattrick posted:

I wonder what Jim Halpert would think of this film.

lol. I posted his take before I posted mine.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 12:54

A Fancy Hat: Nov 18, 2016; Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

It's kind of frustrating when a movie like this because some weird rallying cry for people to scream "movies are too woke!" The movie failed because it's super boring and a lot of people still aren't gonna go to a movie theater with kids.

This wasn't a bad movie in terms of animation or voice work, it was just kind of there. No especially fun action scenes, no really good characters, and the plot is the most generic sci-fi thing you can think of. I know this is the "real" Buzz Lightyear, but he also just goes through the exact same character arc as his toy version did in Toy Story, which seems like a wasted opportunity.

I fully admit that I laughed a lot at Sox barfing up the knockout dart the first time, but that was the only thing that made the movie feel like a Pixar movie. The reverse sandwich was kind of funny but it also felt like a joke that would have been done better in another Pixar movie.

I asked my 8 year old nephew what he thought of it and he thought it was "okay". I think he's just gonna watch Luca for like the 37th time.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 13:30

Pimpcasso: Mar 13, 2002; VOLS BITCH

not sure if you movie critics know but this is like the 5th movie in a series made for idiot children

it's gonna suck rear end

# ? Aug 10, 2022 13:38

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

Pimpcasso posted:

not sure if you movie critics know but this is like the 5th movie in a series made for idiot children

it's gonna suck rear end

I think, actually, you will find that it is the very first Buzz Lightyear movie, and that it is not in continuity with the Toy Story franchise though the settings are connected. How droll of you to make this mistake.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 13:51

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Pimpcasso posted:

not sure if you movie critics know but this is like the 5th movie in a series made for idiot children

it's gonna suck rear end

Oh good finally an intelligent person has posted in this thread

Thank you for your service

# ? Aug 10, 2022 14:20

You Are A Werewolf: Apr 26, 2010; Black Gold!

Pimpcasso posted:

not sure if you movie critics know but this is like the 5th movie in a series made for idiot children

it's gonna suck rear end

�aNiMaTiOn Is FoR cHiLdReN!!!� :byodood:

Super Waffle posted:

As a Latino person, I thought Encanto was hot garbage, bar a couple of the songs. No real villain, nonsensical plot, and an overall inferior version of Coco.

except I thought the songs blew fart butt rear end, too. If that�s Lin-Manuel Miranda�s style, I am not impressed.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:03

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Encanto had a couple good songs (Bruno, Pressure)

It definitely had a couple lovely ones though

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:07

Yaldabaoth: Oct 9, 2012; by Azathoth

Applewhite posted:

If Pixar set out to make a movie more pointless than Planes, it succeeded.

I thought it was impossible for a movie to matter less than the Warcraft movie but here we are. Lightyear may be the single least important cultural event of the 21st century.

The movie is so mediocre it's infuriating.

The movie starts off by framing itself as the movie the Buzz Lightyear toy from Toy Story was based on, including explicitly stating that the movie came out in 1995. The movie then proceeds to be nothing like anything that was or could have been released in 1995.

You want to know what would have been a good movie to make? A Pixar movie that tried to replicate with CGI what a sci-fi movie that came out in the 90's might have looked like. That would have been an interesting, even daring film concept. That would have been an artistic undertaking worthy of Pixar.

This movie doesn't even attempt to place itself in the future of the 90s.

Okay, whatever, at least it's a good movie, right? No. It's boring, safe, textureless schlock. Even the much-touted "controversial" same sex kiss was just a tepid, barely-there lesbian relationship that the movie swept past before it could even register.

You want to know what would have been a controversial same sex kiss? Fuckin' make Buzz gay. Have Buzz kiss a man on the lips and call him "sweetie" before going off on his mission. That would have been controversial.

Maybe I'm too hung up on what might have been, but this movie couldn't even hold my kids' attention and they'll watch anything with spaceships in it.

The movie wasn't even a passable pastiche of science fiction tropes. There were some Star Wars sound effects and the opening riffs on Alien for about 5 seconds but not enough of anything anywhere to even get a good nostalgia going.

I'd get into nitpicking the nonsensical plot (where was the rest of the human race during this 100 year interval? If the team goes to the Gamma quadrant won't they run into exactly the same time dilation problem that's been the sticking point the whole movie?) but frankly it doesn't even really matter.

I have no idea who this movie is even for. It's too bland even for children, and not nostalgic enough for the adults that would have been children when the original Toy Story came out.

0/10 stars. Go rewatch Turning Red instead. poo poo, go watch Planes for the first time instead.

It's almost like Disney doesn't want to make good movies about people standing up to an evil empire, I'm sure it's just a coincidence :airquote:

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:15

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Yaldabaoth posted:

It's almost like Disney doesn't want to make good movies about people standing up to an evil empire, I'm sure it's just a coincidence

wait till you hear about a little-known series called STAR WARS

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:16

Yaldabaoth: Oct 9, 2012; by Azathoth

The Bloop posted:

wait till you hear about a little-known series called STAR WARS

Would this be the same Star Wars where the evil empire is no longer racist or misogynistic? Sounds more like Disney wants people to stand up to an empire run by leftists.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:19

satanic splash-back: Jan 28, 2009

All the smartest posters come out to brutally own Disney movies.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:19

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Yaldabaoth posted:

Would this be the same Star Wars where the evil empire is no longer racist or misogynistic? Sounds more like Disney wants people to stand up to an empire run by leftists.

What the hell are you talking about? That there are occasional low to mid level female officers?

That there was a black storm trooper (wearing white armor to remove his identity and make him look like everyone else)

Still 99% human officers though if you want to use "race" in a meaningful way in a universe like that.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:21

Yaldabaoth: Oct 9, 2012; by Azathoth

The Bloop posted:

What the hell are you talking about? That there are occasional low to mid level female officers?

That there was a black storm trooper (wearing white armor to remove his identity and make him look like everyone else)

Still 99% human officers though if you want to use "race" in a meaningful way in a universe like that.

The main villain in The Mandalorian is Moff Gideon, who is a black man and moffs are second only to Grand Moff Tarkin himself.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:31

You Are A Werewolf: Apr 26, 2010; Black Gold!

The Bloop posted:

Encanto had a couple good songs (Bruno, Pressure)

It definitely had a couple lovely ones though

�Surface Pressure� didn�t exactly know what it was going for as an exposition song, so it was like five different genres and tempos all at once. �Bruno� sounded like something from �Hamilton,� and that was my problem with the music. The setting was a small isolated Colombian village and the music should have reflected that. Instead, the characters are rapping and singing contemporary pop and it was just fuel for the dumpster fire of the movie.

The music reminded me of that rapping dog in the animated Titanic movie lol

�Dos Oruguitas� was good, though.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:39

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Yaldabaoth posted:

The main villain in The Mandalorian is Moff Gideon, who is a black man and moffs are second only to Grand Moff Tarkin himself.

Ok

You're right the empire is woke now lmao

# ? Aug 10, 2022 15:56

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

I agree Disney's treatment of the Empire is problematic but not for the reasons Yaldabaoth says.

I don't think the Empire is meant to be "woke" but rather I think the portrayal is meant to be more ambiguous. Less of a moral struggle between good and evil and more a "there's good people on both sides" portrayal, which in its own way is more insidious, IMO.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 16:39

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Yaldabaoth posted:

Would this be the same Star Wars where the evil empire is no longer racist or misogynistic? Sounds more like Disney wants people to stand up to an empire run by leftists.

christ.

its like you want us to chant "dumbest post, dumbest post" like we're cheering for the u.s. at the olympics

# ? Aug 10, 2022 16:43

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

you see, rogue one is really about antifa

if you look at the powerpoint i have assembled you can clearly see that

# ? Aug 10, 2022 16:46

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 7, 2024 09:31

Yaldabaoth: Oct 9, 2012; by Azathoth

Applewhite posted:

I agree Disney's treatment of the Empire is problematic but not for the reasons Yaldabaoth says.

I don't think the Empire is meant to be "woke" but rather I think the portrayal is meant to be more ambiguous. Less of a moral struggle between good and evil and more a "there's good people on both sides" portrayal, which in its own way is more insidious, IMO.

Disney wants to ignore that white supremacy exists instead of encouraging women and minorities to rise up against it.

# ? Aug 10, 2022 16:50

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Lightyear? More like "Slight Sneer."

«‹›4 »