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Freudian
Mar 23, 2011

veryslightlymad, I think there is some SERIOUS miscommunication in the last few posts that is going in an unintended direction. For example, "There's nothing better than crying and letting it all out" is very different depending on how you feel about crying and letting it all out. OP seems to mean that in a good way, whereas you seem to be taking it in the way of "this thing, which is very sad and upsetting for me, is the best I can hope for".

Likewise with the "I'm not certain I can help anyone" exchange - to OP this is saying "I can only do so much, I can't be sure I'm what people need, sometimes people don't click". To you, this seemed to come across as "yeah, therapy doesn't help people, even me a professional does not really believe it works".

Like, "crying and grieving and diving into your pain" is definitely part of the process of healing, but to take another tack, inflammation and fever are part of the process of healing. Sometimes these things are beneficial and pass by themselves, even if they hurt, but sometimes the inflammation starts to damage vital organs, or the fever begins to overheat the brain. Your body and brain both try to help you through the awful poo poo, but they don't always get it right. So both physical and psychological therapy try to help you keep the healing process "on track".

Where the analogy breaks down here is that there's a much more defined version of physical health that you want to get back to after you finish healing. With psychological health, that's much more patient-determined - you set the goals for where you want to be, and you and your therapist try to steer towards it. Or you might change goals halfway through and go somewhere completely new.

With regard to the point of it all: I remember seeing someone say "why should I want to be happy", once, and the answer seems to be much the same. People enjoy feeling happy more than feeling sad. It helps your brain work better so you can do things with your life, like posting online with your buds. If you want to enjoy the things you do, then the point is to try and make enjoyment work better for you.

Freudian fucked around with this message at 11:55 on Dec 13, 2022

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a strange fowl
Oct 27, 2022

Veryslightlymad posted:

So, if I understand you right, a person who is already able to cry and grieve and dive into their pain alone is beyond your help.
sorry to interject here, but crying and grieving are only therapeutic when they're done without any shame or self-consciousness. it's a primal way of expressing distress and we need to do it, but a lot of people have been so punished for even experiencing "negative" emotions that they can't express them in any way without feeling huge shame and anxiety. i was like that, and you might be like that - it sounds like you have doubts about whether your grief and pain are even real or valid, let alone how you express them. so crying and delving into your pain alone doesn't help you at the moment, it just makes you feel even more ashamed and confused and then you end up feeling worse about yourself. but a therapist first validates the pain (if it's distressing you enough to make you cry it's real pain, no matter what the cause is) and then validates your response to the pain, whatever that may be. that response may be crying, it may be something else, but whatever it is, you have to convince yourself against all prior teaching that expressing that emotion is a good thing.

dangerdoom volvo
Nov 5, 2009
Op displays a frightening ignorance of CBT and therapy in general

Freudian
Mar 23, 2011

dangerdoom volvo posted:

Op displays a frightening ignorance of CBT and therapy in general

You have to elaborate on this or this is just a garbage post. It's in line with what I've heard from my own practitioner about CBT - "if you have a fear of planes and need to get on a plane soon, CBT will help this. If you want to not be scared of planes, CBT will not help this."

womb with a view
Sep 8, 2007

a strange fowl posted:

sorry to interject here, but crying and grieving are only therapeutic when they're done without any shame or self-consciousness. it's a primal way of expressing distress and we need to do it, but a lot of people have been so punished for even experiencing "negative" emotions that they can't express them in any way without feeling huge shame and anxiety. i was like that, and you might be like that - it sounds like you have doubts about whether your grief and pain are even real or valid, let alone how you express them. so crying and delving into your pain alone doesn't help you at the moment, it just makes you feel even more ashamed and confused and then you end up feeling worse about yourself. but a therapist first validates the pain (if it's distressing you enough to make you cry it's real pain, no matter what the cause is) and then validates your response to the pain, whatever that may be. that response may be crying, it may be something else, but whatever it is, you have to convince yourself against all prior teaching that expressing that emotion is a good thing.

Definitely. I remember being confused about why people said crying about things made them feel better, it always made me feel much worse. Once I was able to take a different mindset and not judge myself for it, I found it could actually bring that sense of relief it was supposed to. Real validation from therapy can be a huge step in achieving that outcome.

Comrade Koba
Jul 2, 2007

it feels like a good 70% of the posts in this thread are people making up a therapist in their head to get mad at and projecting all that on the op

dangerdoom volvo
Nov 5, 2009

Freudian posted:

You have to elaborate on this or this is just a garbage post. It's in line with what I've heard from my own practitioner about CBT - "if you have a fear of planes and need to get on a plane soon, CBT will help this. If you want to not be scared of planes, CBT will not help this."

Specific phobias are among the most reliably treatable conditions in the world, and treatment will indeed make you not scared of planes

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Comrade Koba posted:

it feels like a good 70% of the posts in this thread are people making up a therapist in their head to get mad at and projecting all that on the op

That's kinda what I was feeling as well.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Freudian posted:

veryslightlymad, I think there is some SERIOUS miscommunication in the last few posts that is going in an unintended direction. For example, "There's nothing better than crying and letting it all out" is very different depending on how you feel about crying and letting it all out. OP seems to mean that in a good way, whereas you seem to be taking it in the way of "this thing, which is very sad and upsetting for me, is the best I can hope for".

Likewise with the "I'm not certain I can help anyone" exchange - to OP this is saying "I can only do so much, I can't be sure I'm what people need, sometimes people don't click". To you, this seemed to come across as "yeah, therapy doesn't help people, even me a professional does not really believe it works".

Like, "crying and grieving and diving into your pain" is definitely part of the process of healing, but to take another tack, inflammation and fever are part of the process of healing. Sometimes these things are beneficial and pass by themselves, even if they hurt, but sometimes the inflammation starts to damage vital organs, or the fever begins to overheat the brain. Your body and brain both try to help you through the awful poo poo, but they don't always get it right. So both physical and psychological therapy try to help you keep the healing process "on track".

Where the analogy breaks down here is that there's a much more defined version of physical health that you want to get back to after you finish healing. With psychological health, that's much more patient-determined - you set the goals for where you want to be, and you and your therapist try to steer towards it. Or you might change goals halfway through and go somewhere completely new.

With regard to the point of it all: I remember seeing someone say "why should I want to be happy", once, and the answer seems to be much the same. People enjoy feeling happy more than feeling sad. It helps your brain work better so you can do things with your life, like posting online with your buds. If you want to enjoy the things you do, then the point is to try and make enjoyment work better for you.

Yes! I felt confused after that exchange but wasn't sure where we slid past each other. Thanks for clearing it up for us both!

thehandtruck fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Dec 13, 2022

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

I fight with
my brain
and with an
underlying
hatred of the
Erebonian
Noble Faction
On my end, there was never a misunderstanding, nor, might I add, was there ever any animosity toward the OP or other therapists in this thread.

If you insist I am still missing something, I would instead ask that you consider the implications of why I could understand what has been said and still find that information disheartening.

Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!



Thread made me go weekly with my guy. He agrees with the limits of CBT tho. :v

Jedi Knight Luigi
Jul 13, 2009

Veryslightlymad posted:

On my end, there was never a misunderstanding, nor, might I add, was there ever any animosity toward the OP or other therapists in this thread.

If you insist I am still missing something, I would instead ask that you consider the implications of why I could understand what has been said and still find that information disheartening.

Irritating post. No one cares to guess why you’re so disheartened about a particular line of work. Emphasis on guess.

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

I fight with
my brain
and with an
underlying
hatred of the
Erebonian
Noble Faction

Jedi Knight Luigi posted:

Irritating post. No one cares to guess why you’re so disheartened about a particular line of work. Emphasis on guess.

:shrug:
This is miscommunication.

I was simply making a polite appeal for empathy. No guesswork required.

So it goes.

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



Comrade Koba posted:

it feels like a good 70% of the posts in this thread are people making up a therapist in their head to get mad at and projecting all that on the op

Same. I'm enjoying reading the thread and OP as well as the other professionals chiming in are taking questions seriously.

Jorge Bell
Aug 2, 2006

Veryslightlymad posted:

:shrug:
This is miscommunication.

I was simply making a polite appeal for empathy. No guesswork required.

So it goes.

Reading your posts makes me feel angry!

a strange fowl
Oct 27, 2022

this is a great thread but it's actually really hard to think of specific questions to ask that aren't "please tell me hilarious stories about your clients"

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



What are some red/yellow flags when you're beginning to see a new therapist? I feel like I got lucky with my own but I only have the roughest idea of what a good therapist should behave like.

Jorge Bell
Aug 2, 2006

dangerdoom volvo posted:

Op displays a frightening ignorance of CBT and therapy in general

Hey you loving shitheel, either add information or don't post your drive-by nothings.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Ice Phisherman posted:

What are some red/yellow flags when you're beginning to see a new therapist? I feel like I got lucky with my own but I only have the roughest idea of what a good therapist should behave like.

Mulled over this today but I don't feel like I have a good answer. I met a woman who was 15-20 years older than me at a party once and we were chatting. Conversation was fine but when I spoke about anything happening in my life she would give me unsolicited advice. You could just tell she really wanted to give me the advice and probably didn't even care if I did it. It was like the whole conversation was just so she could feel good about giving me advice, like I wasn't even a person, just part of her inner machine to feel good. When she could see the advice not really landing, not that I verbally rebuffed it, it seemed like she got what she needed and moved on to another person. I have met therapists like this woman. I've heard them say things like, "this is the kind of person you should date" to a client. That's not good. It's a very different communication than saying to ask a client, "what would it be like to date someone who isn't [whatever personality type]?". So there's a red flag in there somewhere probably. Another might be someone you don't feel safe around. I suppose that's the biggest one.

I'll think on this more. It's a hard question because people tend to spin..........project......any generalizations the way they want to hear them. So I'm hesitant to say, "any therapist who does X too much," because that might be fine for one client-therapist relationship but not for another.

I guess another red flag would be, FOR ME, a republican. A liberal? fine, I guess. But I just can't see someone with a republican world view understanding empathy or, more importantly, the way larger systems affect our lives. Luckily, they're pretty easy to spot because they're constantly signally to you what you should be doing differently, judging you and others, etc. Actually I know 2 republican therapists. Both are strongly anti-vax and never got the vaccine. One of them works only with military families. Both are mediocre-to-damaging at their job and will never change or grow or get better in any way. They like the unhealthy predatory dynamic they create with their clients and there's no apparatus in this profession to weed them out or force them to be better.

a strange fowl
Oct 27, 2022

thehandtruck posted:

One of them works only with military families. Both are mediocre-to-damaging at their job and will never change or grow or get better in any way. They like the unhealthy predatory dynamic they create with their clients and there's no apparatus in this profession to weed them out or force them to be better.
question! what does predatory therapist behaviour look like in a family therapy context? i'm familiar with one-on-one disaster stories, but not how it would play out in a group.

e: i can guess siding with one member over another; deciding to oneself that a particular member is the problem; reinforcing cultural and religious indoctrination, in your specific example. i've never met or heard of anybody who's done family therapy in my country, which isn't america but close to the same level as far as percentage of the population who've done individual therapy and are willing to talk about it. it exists here of course, but it doesn't seem to be nearly as commonly accessed as in america, so it's hard for me to imagine it beyond that one episode of the simpsons

a strange fowl fucked around with this message at 23:34 on Dec 16, 2022

Chernobyl Princess
Jul 31, 2009

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

:siren:thunderdome winner:siren:

Ice Phisherman posted:

What are some red/yellow flags when you're beginning to see a new therapist? I feel like I got lucky with my own but I only have the roughest idea of what a good therapist should behave like.

Yellow flags: talking about their own self or stuff a lot. I'm not fully against self-disclosure from a therapist, I actually like knowing that a therapist is a real person with their own thoughts and feelings, but there's a line where it becomes clear that the therapist is using the therapeutic space to work out their own issues, which at best means they're not present to the issues of the client, and at worst means they're placing responsibility for their feelings on the shoulders of someone who has absolutely not signed up for that poo poo.

Forgetting poo poo or failing to come back around to the stuff you find important. This can be just a bad day on the therapist's part, or it can be that they're not a good fit for you as a client due to differing communication styles, or it can be that they're overextended or even just not good at their job. If you don't feel comfortable calling them out on it then this is a yellow flag that becomes a red flag in my mind.

Stylistic disconnect. I don't have a better word to describe it, but like... I had a therapist who was super into chakras and crystals and naturopathic stuff. I'm not against any of that, but it doesn't resonate with me. I stuck with her for a while because I thought, hey, my results-oriented poo poo isn't working for me, why not try this super spiritual thing? But... in practice I found it ranged from heartbreaking to infuriating. She was an engaged, knowledgeable, and perfectly qualified therapist, and her style was 100% wrong for me.

Billing is all hosed up and they never get on top of it.

Red flags: Sex is never part of therapy. Ever. Ought to go without saying.

Expressing an interest in meeting up outside of therapy. It's normal to have clients where you think, "drat, I wish I'd met this person in any other context, because they're cool and I'd like to be friends." But tough cookies, it doesn't work like that. If your therapist asks you to coffee, or if you know you're going to the same event and they say they'd like to meet up there... Personally that's the kind of thing I'd report someone to their supervisor/the board for.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Chernobyl Princess posted:

Yellow flags: talking about their own self or stuff a lot. I'm not fully against self-disclosure from a therapist, I actually like knowing that a therapist is a real person with their own thoughts and feelings, but there's a line where it becomes clear that the therapist is using the therapeutic space to work out their own issues, which at best means they're not present to the issues of the client, and at worst means they're placing responsibility for their feelings on the shoulders of someone who has absolutely not signed up for that poo poo.

Forgetting poo poo or failing to come back around to the stuff you find important. This can be just a bad day on the therapist's part, or it can be that they're not a good fit for you as a client due to differing communication styles, or it can be that they're overextended or even just not good at their job. If you don't feel comfortable calling them out on it then this is a yellow flag that becomes a red flag in my mind.

Stylistic disconnect. I don't have a better word to describe it, but like... I had a therapist who was super into chakras and crystals and naturopathic stuff. I'm not against any of that, but it doesn't resonate with me. I stuck with her for a while because I thought, hey, my results-oriented poo poo isn't working for me, why not try this super spiritual thing? But... in practice I found it ranged from heartbreaking to infuriating. She was an engaged, knowledgeable, and perfectly qualified therapist, and her style was 100% wrong for me.

Billing is all hosed up and they never get on top of it.

Red flags: Sex is never part of therapy. Ever. Ought to go without saying.

Expressing an interest in meeting up outside of therapy. It's normal to have clients where you think, "drat, I wish I'd met this person in any other context, because they're cool and I'd like to be friends." But tough cookies, it doesn't work like that. If your therapist asks you to coffee, or if you know you're going to the same event and they say they'd like to meet up there... Personally that's the kind of thing I'd report someone to their supervisor/the board for.

These are all great! I'm curious how you normally respond when a client asks you to disclose? I generally operate by if it serves the client's process, not an issue. But I tend to kinda check in with myself and see if it feels like there's some funky boundary stuff going on. Thinking of a borderline client I had once that wanted to know a lot about me. Looking back I wish I'd said less than I did. Not for any specific reason, I just wonder if I woulda been more effective with thicker boundaries. What do you think?

Walh Hara
May 11, 2012
Can a therapist cure a psychosomatic problem?
My current assumption is that the answer is "No, but they can help handle having such problems", but maybe I'm underestimating what a good therapist can do.

More context: When I was 24 I started having random bouts of diarrhea. After a while I noticed that there were some situations or circumstances in which I was more likely to get it. 7 years later and I still don't have a perfect idea of what triggers this and what doesn't, but there are now plenty of situations where I'll take an immodium pill in anticipation. Example: the first times I got sick when taking a bus, I assumed I just ate something wrong. It took me a few times before I realized that taking a bus can somehow trigger it. Nowadays when I take the bus I will take into account the possibility that I might become sick.

I learned later that this is something that multiple people in my extended family have. I didn't know this beforehand.

Back to the question: I never went to a therapist for this problem because I consider it something related to the subconscious mind. It is not consistent at all, nor rational. I've had it so often in situations where I neither expected it nor felt any anxiety, that my impression is that I have no conscious control whatsoever on whether I'll become sick. But perhaps I'm mistaken in the belief that a therapist won't be able to influence my subconsciousness (or whatever is causing this)?

Personally I have a very good life despite this. I consider it something I have to teach my body. So I'll still take the bus, with the idea that I have to train my body that taking the bus is perfectly fine.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Walh Hara posted:

Can a therapist cure a psychosomatic problem?
My current assumption is that the answer is "No, but they can help handle having such problems", but maybe I'm underestimating what a good therapist can do.

More context: When I was 24 I started having random bouts of diarrhea. After a while I noticed that there were some situations or circumstances in which I was more likely to get it. 7 years later and I still don't have a perfect idea of what triggers this and what doesn't, but there are now plenty of situations where I'll take an immodium pill in anticipation. Example: the first times I got sick when taking a bus, I assumed I just ate something wrong. It took me a few times before I realized that taking a bus can somehow trigger it. Nowadays when I take the bus I will take into account the possibility that I might become sick.

I learned later that this is something that multiple people in my extended family have. I didn't know this beforehand.

Back to the question: I never went to a therapist for this problem because I consider it something related to the subconscious mind. It is not consistent at all, nor rational. I've had it so often in situations where I neither expected it nor felt any anxiety, that my impression is that I have no conscious control whatsoever on whether I'll become sick. But perhaps I'm mistaken in the belief that a therapist won't be able to influence my subconsciousness (or whatever is causing this)?

Personally I have a very good life despite this. I consider it something I have to teach my body. So I'll still take the bus, with the idea that I have to train my body that taking the bus is perfectly fine.

I don't like the word cure, so I won't use it here, but when I was having panic attacks multiple times a day I was making GBS threads my brains out multiple times a day. When I started seeing a good therapist and working through stuff my anxiety reduced and I stopped making GBS threads my brains out multiple times a day. That's a pretty good case for talk therapy addressing a somatic issue.

And that's one ultra simple example. There are hundreds. For example lets say Bob is a singer but when he gets on stage he can't sing. His vocal cords literally tense and shut down, it's not imagined. It's a true psychosomatic response. He can't sing because he doesn't want to, he was coerced from a young age to sing, and hated it. Make whatever inferences you want, but after therapy he was able to realize what parts of the singer lifestyle were "his" and which were actually coming from his parents which enabled him to gain agency over his voice/throat and sing when he wants to. Can therapy cure cancer? Probably loving not. But it, especially somatic therapy, can help the body release the trauma it was holding. The body does this to keep itself safe so it can recognize and avoid similar traumatic things in the future. This is evolutionary. And if the mind can CAUSE a somatic response, why can't the mind STOP that somatic response?

thehandtruck fucked around with this message at 02:18 on Dec 17, 2022

Walh Hara
May 11, 2012

thehandtruck posted:

I don't like the word cure, so I won't use it here, but when I was having panic attacks multiple times a day I was making GBS threads my brains out multiple times a day. When I started seeing a good therapist and working through stuff my anxiety reduced and I stopped making GBS threads my brains out multiple times a day. That's a pretty good case for talk therapy addressing a somatic issue.

And that's one ultra simple example. There are hundreds. For example lets say Bob is a singer but when he gets on stage he can't sing. His vocal cords literally tense and shut down, it's not imagined. It's a true psychosomatic response. He can't sing because he doesn't want to, he was coerced from a young age to sing, and hated it. Make whatever inferences you want, but after therapy he was able to realize what parts of the singer lifestyle were "his" and which were actually coming from his parents which enabled him to gain agency over his voice/throat and sing when he wants to. Can therapy cure cancer? Probably loving not. But it, especially somatic therapy, can help the body release the trauma it was holding. The body does this to keep itself safe so it can recognize and avoid similar traumatic things in the future. This is evolutionary. And if the mind can CAUSE a somatic response, why can't the mind STOP that somatic response?

Perhaps it's because I have a misconception? It's really hard to understand the problems of others, and I keep having the impression that my problems are different to the ones you describe somehow.

If somebody becomes anxious in some situations (has panic attacks) and because of this gets psychosomatic problems, then it makes sense to me that reducing their anxiety will help solve the psychosomatic problems as well. But can a therapist also help if somebody has psychosomatic problems that in the opinion of their patient are not a result of anxiety? It also seems to me that people can have psychosomatic problems without trauma.

That said, I recognise that I'm an rear end here. I ask whether a therapist can help with something, you tell me yes, and then I now say that I don't really believe you. So I understand that I have some reflection to do about this.

Chernobyl Princess
Jul 31, 2009

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

:siren:thunderdome winner:siren:

thehandtruck posted:

These are all great! I'm curious how you normally respond when a client asks you to disclose? I generally operate by if it serves the client's process, not an issue. But I tend to kinda check in with myself and see if it feels like there's some funky boundary stuff going on. Thinking of a borderline client I had once that wanted to know a lot about me. Looking back I wish I'd said less than I did. Not for any specific reason, I just wonder if I woulda been more effective with thicker boundaries. What do you think?

Generally my line is if they could figure it out by looking around my office I don't have a problem sharing it, though I try to wrap it back around to the client. Like, yes, I do play d&d, what class do you use? No, the little rainbow dragon therapist drawing is not my fursona, but yeah I know what that is, do you have a fursona? I have watched Steven Universe and yeah I see why you really relate to Spinel. That sort of thing. Surface level stuff. I do occasionally self-disclose my head trauma, tho usually in the context of "yeah so when they stitched my face back together my nose is just lopsided enough that it can look like I'm sneering. I promise that's just iatrogenic resting bitch face lmao"

The deeper stuff comes up less often for me these days, but I have had clients ask some pretty invasive questions, like "how old were you when you lost your virginity?" invasive. Those I'll shut down. Usually I get those from teens, so it's a pretty gentle shutdown and a genuine "why are you interested in that?"

But for real, I empathize with that "I shared too much" regret. My first supervisor told me that self-disclosure is often related to clinical stamina. As we get more exhausted and our creative problem-solving skills wear down, we start to struggle more with coming up with examples not from our own lives. I dunno about you, but that's absolutely true for me!

Hutla
Jun 5, 2004

It's mechanical

thehandtruck posted:

I don't like the word cure, so I won't use it here, but when I was having panic attacks multiple times a day I was making GBS threads my brains out multiple times a day. When I started seeing a good therapist and working through stuff my anxiety reduced and I stopped making GBS threads my brains out multiple times a day. That's a pretty good case for talk therapy addressing a somatic issue.

And that's one ultra simple example. There are hundreds. For example lets say Bob is a singer but when he gets on stage he can't sing. His vocal cords literally tense and shut down, it's not imagined. It's a true psychosomatic response. He can't sing because he doesn't want to, he was coerced from a young age to sing, and hated it. Make whatever inferences you want, but after therapy he was able to realize what parts of the singer lifestyle were "his" and which were actually coming from his parents which enabled him to gain agency over his voice/throat and sing when he wants to. Can therapy cure cancer? Probably loving not. But it, especially somatic therapy, can help the body release the trauma it was holding. The body does this to keep itself safe so it can recognize and avoid similar traumatic things in the future. This is evolutionary. And if the mind can CAUSE a somatic response, why can't the mind STOP that somatic response?

I am not a therapist but sometimes (many times) a person can be in a heightened state of anxiety without realizing it and sublimate that anxiety into physical symptoms, all the while declaring to the world that they’re not anxious or worried at all AND REALLY BELIEVING IT.

We are complex enough to to be unreliable narrators about ourselves to ourselves.

Jorge Bell
Aug 2, 2006
Shaking while saying "I'm fine, I'm fine" as I piss myself in line at the bank.

Walh Hara
May 11, 2012

Hutla posted:

I am not a therapist but sometimes (many times) a person can be in a heightened state of anxiety without realizing it and sublimate that anxiety into physical symptoms, all the while declaring to the world that they’re not anxious or worried at all AND REALLY BELIEVING IT.

We are complex enough to to be unreliable narrators about ourselves to ourselves.

Yeah that's indeed my impression.

In hindsight I'm not sure what I was hoping for with my post. Perhaps something like "oh yeah, I''ve had other patients exactly like that" or "perhaps look for a therapist specialized in X because those know how to handle subconscious problems"? But the examples given I don't recognise.

My confusion is: I assume most people go: 1) stand in line at the bank -> 2) start worrying about being in the line and not being able to leave -> 3) become sick. But I somehow skip step 2 all the time, or at least that's my perception/recollection.

Maybe the question I should be asking instead is: how do you recognise mental anxiety anyway?

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Walh Hara posted:

Perhaps something like "oh yeah, I''ve had other patients exactly like that" or "perhaps look for a therapist specialized in X because those know how to handle subconscious problems"? But the examples given I don't recognise.

Oh yeah I've had other clients exactly like that. That's literally everybody. No need to look for a specialized therapist, you are unique but your problems are not. Like really, they are run-of-the-mill.

Walh Hara posted:

My confusion is: I assume most people go: 1) stand in line at the bank -> 2) start worrying about being in the line and not being able to leave -> 3) become sick. But I somehow skip step 2 all the time, or at least that's my perception/recollection.

There's no confusion. You understand the situation perfectly. Something in your brain is wonky and it makes you feel lovely. Again, you're not special there. That's literally everybody who has ever had a brain and a body at the same time.

Walh Hara posted:

Maybe the question I should be asking instead is: how do you recognise mental anxiety anyway?

When you stand in line at the bank and worry about not being able to leave and end up sick.





You're mind has made all of this quite complicated and connived a way to create intricacies that don't exist in an effort to prevent you from sorting it out. This isn't unique or special either, everyone's mind does this, mine too. The brain doesn't like change because it thinks if its alive right now it might die if you change it.

edit: anxiety tells brain to release chemicals. those chemicals gently caress with your stomach cause you have a lot of neurotransmitters there and you feel sick. there's decades of founded research on the mind-body connection but this is like, easy mode high school biology

edit2: and ur not being an rear end btw

thehandtruck fucked around with this message at 20:54 on Dec 18, 2022

Walh Hara
May 11, 2012

thehandtruck posted:

When you stand in line at the bank and worry about not being able to leave and end up sick.

But this is exactly my point: I do not worry about not being able to leave at all. I have no clue whatsoever why I become sick. What I was thinking of before I become sick is often completely trivial stuff.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Walh Hara posted:

But this is exactly my point: I do not worry about not being able to leave at all. I have no clue whatsoever why I become sick. What I was thinking of before I become sick is often completely trivial stuff.

Well have you seen a GI doctor then?

Walh Hara
May 11, 2012

thehandtruck posted:

Well have you seen a GI doctor then?

Yes. Lots of tests have been done as well.

Chernobyl Princess
Jul 31, 2009

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

:siren:thunderdome winner:siren:

Hutla posted:

I am not a therapist but sometimes (many times) a person can be in a heightened state of anxiety without realizing it and sublimate that anxiety into physical symptoms, all the while declaring to the world that they’re not anxious or worried at all AND REALLY BELIEVING IT.

It's this.

Psychosomatic symptoms are the sublimation of unconscious anxiety. There are two routes that I can think of that might help, and they're very different therapeutic directions:

Full behavioral modification route. Find someone who is trained in biofeedback who can help you identify physiological warning signs and develop a training routine to give you conscious control over gut motility. This is possible, just difficult and possibly expensive.

Second is finding a trained psychoanalytic therapist, someone versed in the very very old school methods of "the talking cure," who can help bridge the gaps between conscious, subconscious, and unconscious thoughts. This can also be difficult and expensive, as insurance hates this sort of thing.

...there are probably plenty of others, but reading what you're describing, those are the two that spring to mind!

Walh Hara
May 11, 2012

Chernobyl Princess posted:

It's this.

Psychosomatic symptoms are the sublimation of unconscious anxiety. There are two routes that I can think of that might help, and they're very different therapeutic directions:

Full behavioral modification route. Find someone who is trained in biofeedback who can help you identify physiological warning signs and develop a training routine to give you conscious control over gut motility. This is possible, just difficult and possibly expensive.

Second is finding a trained psychoanalytic therapist, someone versed in the very very old school methods of "the talking cure," who can help bridge the gaps between conscious, subconscious, and unconscious thoughts. This can also be difficult and expensive, as insurance hates this sort of thing.

...there are probably plenty of others, but reading what you're describing, those are the two that spring to mind!

Thanks a lot! This is what I was looking for.

unwantedplatypus
Sep 6, 2012
What would you recommend for someone who has been in therapy a while, trying to do the work, but just hasn't seen major results? If I need to be more specific I can be. I've been in therapy since high school. First therapist was just trying to damage control an actively abusive situation without getting therapy cut off. Second therapist was through university and seemed to mostly just focus on correcting my negative thought patterns. Third therapist was also through a university and didn't seem to really be helping. I decided to go to a private practice that offered services like EMDR but this therapist is meeting less often than once a week; which feels useless to me.

I just want to find something that works and a therapist that will see me frequently; but I'm not sure how to find one. I've become more functional and my behavior has been less outwardly destructive; but I still feel terrible on the inside. The biggest thing is probably a whole shitload of unprocessed trauma, and it's not like I don't tell them about it. It just seems like they consider it orthogonal to the therapy. I've had exceptionally lovely life circumstances, it bothers me so much that this gets ignored in favor of "Well have you considered that thought is ~irrational~".

I've also heard that insurance vs non-insurance makes a difference and I'm worried I'm screwed because I can't afford therapy without insurance.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

unwantedplatypus posted:

What would you recommend for someone who has been in therapy a while, trying to do the work, but just hasn't seen major results? If I need to be more specific I can be. I've been in therapy since high school. First therapist was just trying to damage control an actively abusive situation without getting therapy cut off. Second therapist was through university and seemed to mostly just focus on correcting my negative thought patterns. Third therapist was also through a university and didn't seem to really be helping. I decided to go to a private practice that offered services like EMDR but this therapist is meeting less often than once a week; which feels useless to me.

I just want to find something that works and a therapist that will see me frequently; but I'm not sure how to find one. I've become more functional and my behavior has been less outwardly destructive; but I still feel terrible on the inside. The biggest thing is probably a whole shitload of unprocessed trauma, and it's not like I don't tell them about it. It just seems like they consider it orthogonal to the therapy. I've had exceptionally lovely life circumstances, it bothers me so much that this gets ignored in favor of "Well have you considered that thought is ~irrational~".

I've also heard that insurance vs non-insurance makes a difference and I'm worried I'm screwed because I can't afford therapy without insurance.

It took me many years to find a good therapist that worked for me. But I also do a lot of other things to help me process and grow which are supplemental and compliment the therapy. It might take you time to find a good one. When doing initial consult calls I'd talk about what worked for you and what didn't. Meaning addressing thought patterns vs addressing traumas.

Yeah, in my experience it's much harder to find good therapists who take insurance. That's obviously anecdotal, but I don't know a single therapist in my network that takes insurance and the therapists I've been to myself who did take insurance were awful. Doesn't mean they're not out there and worth looking for, I mean definitely it's worth looking at who is in your insurance network, but don't feel obligated to stay with them if it's not helping simply because they're in your insurance network. I've seen people stick with a therapist they hate for years because it's "free".

Try Openpathcollective.org it's all sliding scale, sometimes really really low fee. And I don't think it's indicative of quality.

Also I'm gonna take a week off and not look at the thread for a while just for some R+R. But I'll leave it open of course in case anyone wants to post.

Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!



Why not take insurance? The paperwork burden?

Chernobyl Princess
Jul 31, 2009

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

:siren:thunderdome winner:siren:

Nessus posted:

Why not take insurance? The paperwork burden?

And payout. I can bill in my region up to $150 an hour and have a full case load. Insurance will often pay between 50 to 110, depending on what code you use.

It sucks because it prices a lot of people out of therapy, but billing the people who can afford it $120 allows one to keep the lights on, eat, and take a few pro-bono cases.

or so I hear. I take insurance because it fits my personal value set to do so, but it means that I make under 20k per year after paying for all the other poo poo involved in running a group practice. I could not do this if I didn't have a partner who made actual money and had actual health insurance.

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Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!



Chernobyl Princess posted:

And payout. I can bill in my region up to $150 an hour and have a full case load. Insurance will often pay between 50 to 110, depending on what code you use.

It sucks because it prices a lot of people out of therapy, but billing the people who can afford it $120 allows one to keep the lights on, eat, and take a few pro-bono cases.

or so I hear. I take insurance because it fits my personal value set to do so, but it means that I make under 20k per year after paying for all the other poo poo involved in running a group practice. I could not do this if I didn't have a partner who made actual money and had actual health insurance.
What would that case load be in term of billable hours per week?

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