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wesleywillis posted:Question for OP and any other trans people here who wish to answer. I'm going to specify here that transgender women are women. There's no magic line that connects or separates the two. That being said, how I identify largely depends on the context. Most of the time I would claim transgender woman, for no reason other than I feel like it's good to be out and proud about that fact, but there are certain times I'd stick to "woman" to make a point, or because it doesn't feel right to further specify. Sexuality-wise, I probably identify closest to homosexual. I like women. I am a woman. I'm a lesbian. I'm dating another transgender woman. No interest in guys though. This hasn't changed throughout my transition, but some people report sexuality changes throughout transition.
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Nov 24, 2022 06:02
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wesleywillis posted:Question for OP and any other trans people here who wish to answer. I will never stop being trans. There's no point in transition where you become cis. Also, I think it took a couple days after finally accepting I was trans for me to go "Guess that means I'm gay now." "Lesbian" is harder for some reason. I still struggle with that.
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Nov 24, 2022 13:19
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What does it feel like to realize you're trans? To be trans before you realize it? Before you know trans exists? How do you know, and how's it different from just thinking that parts or all of the gender role assigned-at-birth don't interest you? thank you i'll take my answer off the air
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Nov 28, 2022 02:28
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Greg12 posted:What does it feel like to realize you're trans? To be trans before you realize it? Before you know trans exists? How do you know, and how's it different from just thinking that parts or all of the gender role assigned-at-birth don't interest you? So, before knowing transgender people are a thing that you can actually be, the best way to describe how it felt was just being miserable all the time. Eventually, that evolves into the realization that gender roles are the cause of most of your feeling miserable. For me this resulted in anger towards the patriarchy in a very "I'm just a really good ally" sort of way. Then, I realized that being transgender was a thing, and it was several years of wishing and wondering "drat wouldn't it be cool to be trans? that'd make all my gender fuckery problems make sense!" Then there's the realization that, you, specifically, can be trans. You could just say you're trans. But you're not trans, so you don't say it, but you could if you wanted to. This was my first taste of gender euphoria. There's an incredible amount of power in the feeling that you actually can make a decision to better your life, and even if you decide not to make any changes, the door is open and it's just right there in reach. And then one day you're with your wife at a Disney symphony concert and you hear the song Reflection from Mulan for the first time ever, and you just start crying in your seat and spend the whole drive home in uncomfortable gender crisis induced silence. True story. That moment I realized I was trans, and fully accepted it for the first time. It was freeing. It was like the veil was lifted and the sun is shining for the first time. Hopefully that answers the question?
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Nov 28, 2022 02:56
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Even before I knew about the existence of trans as a thing, I very much knew who I was, even as a child. I referred to myself as a boy. In my dreams, when I was aware of it, I was always male bodied. I prayed nightly before bed that I'd wake up 'with the right body'. It wasn't just being against the gender roles assigned to my birth sex. I'm actually rather femme in a lot of ways. It was, for me, just deep down firmly completely knowing that my body was Not Right for who I am.
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Nov 28, 2022 03:46
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Greg12 posted:What does it feel like to realize you're trans? To be trans before you realize it? Before you know trans exists? How do you know, and how's it different from just thinking that parts or all of the gender role assigned-at-birth don't interest you? IMAGINE it's the early 90s. You are a 6 year old boy[?] who is really into The Land Before Time, that long-running Don Bluth animated movie series about dinosaurs. You don't know about fanfiction yet, but already you are nascent internet trash, so before you go to bed, you close your eyes and tell little stories to yourself. You imagine a self-insert of yourself is in that arcadian valley going on adventures with those cartoon dinos. One day you realize: your imagination, your rules. You could be anyone.... You could be.... A girl dino. That's what "being trans before you realize it" was like for me. A lot of pussyfooting around a realization that I had when I was 6. By the time I was 11, I was fully conscious of the fact that I'd rather be a girl. There were times when I'd wrap myself in a blanket and pray, asking that the blanket would be my cocoon and that I'd emerge as a girl in the morning. I was raised religious, and those prayers really tested my faith. When God didn't answer, I stopped being picky. I'd ask for anyone's intervention, no matter what religion. I even offered to make a deal with the devil if only I could be a girl. But those thoughts were all private. In my day-to-day life, it was like I was slowly dying. I went to very gender-enforced Catholic schools and had some pretty bad domestic abuse going on at home, so I was not in a place to experiment with my gender or talk about it with anyone. I dissociated from my body most of the time, and I ate to numb the pain of self-loathing. It felt like I was drowning underwater, but couldn't die. (That's how bad it was when I entered puberty--absolute anguish and despair.) That feeling of drowning-without-dying continued until I was 20 and finally transitioned. There were only a few things that eased the pain of feeling like I was drowning. Anime helped a lot. I still remember, in the early 2000s, one of the first anime I got my hands on was DNAngel, about this soft sweet boy with some dumb anime plot about angels and phantom thieves. Characters like him, and Kurapika from Hunter x Hunter, kind of opened my eyes and made me realize that there was more to being male than the machismo I saw in my personal life. Like, you could be a sensitive fem twink, basically. That had a really strong impact on my mental self-image, even if I wasn't in an environment where I could live any different on the outside. It might have been different if I could have spent time with the girls in my school, but where I grew up, there was no place in the world for being soft--the boys were all machismo all the time. It really was night and day to see anime where boys could do things like appreciate a flower or laugh in kind of a fruity way. I also went all-in on online RPGs. Playing female characters in Neverwinter Nights, World of Warcraft, and play-by-post forum RPGs was like the teenage version of my little childhood bedtime stories that I'd tell myself. It was so freeing to be able to be anyone I wanted in the form of a character. I was one of those weirdos who played on RP servers, and I felt so much happier in the skin of my virtual self that sometimes after school, I would log in, /sit emote in some photogenic space where my guildmates were hanging out, and write poetry. Basically insulating myself in a character whose body I wished I had, and then doing something really mundane and everyday. I had a character in an online Neverwinter Nights server who was just a barmaid, and I'd hang out in the ingame tavern and run people orders of spirits and ale. It made me so happy. When I was 13 I found out about a 2001 webcomic called Venus Envy, which was written by a trans author and was about a trans girl's daily life. So by that point, I knew definitively that transitioning was a thing people could do. But, as a minor, that was a life entirely outside my grasp. It would have been suicide-by-parent to ever try to make that happen. I'm in my early 30s, so I grew up in a time where there were zero trans people in my daily life and the only exposure was through trashy Jerry Springer type shows or the internet. So it made sense that I felt gender dysphoria and had the realization "I want to be a girl" first, and then learned about being trans later. It's actually really interesting to me to hear that these days, it's pretty common to know trans people exist and then to realize you're one of them.
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Nov 28, 2022 06:23
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Greg12 posted:What does it feel like to realize you're trans? To be trans before you realize it? Before you know trans exists? How do you know, and how's it different from just thinking that parts or all of the gender role assigned-at-birth don't interest you? Weird dreams of myself as a man, then waking up upset and confused. Experiencing puberty as Cronenberg level body horror when the girls around me were largely meh about it. The persistent feeling that I was failing at being a "woman", that if only I worked harder I would be just like the other women and would fit in and feel comfortable. Followed by the eventual realization that cis women don't have to work at their identity at all because it's a natural thing for them. That started a chain reaction that ended when my therapist said that a cis woman probably would not take "you move like a man" as a high compliment.
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Nov 28, 2022 17:58
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Neuronyx posted:The dysphoria thing sounds horrible to me but I don't suffer from it. I say that because I thought i've always wished to be a woman but I'm not suffering nearly that loving bad, so it feels like i'm full of poo poo. That's been the confusing part though because I don't know what I feel anymore, I can't stand my body but I don't mind my parts, usually. I've always felt a little feminine but never to such an extent. I'm bi. And indecisive on every aspect of my life, go figure. Now i'm just lost. I don't think I want to transition because that is not suffering i'm prepared for. But i'm tired of being whatever I am. I wish we weren't so far from a true cyberpunk future. Then none of this would be the deal it is now. The human body is such a loving joke and the sooner it can be left behind the sooner we can move the gently caress on to more important things. I can't stand breathing. Not gonna tell you what to do with your life but not having what I would consider dysphoria, feeling like I wasn't trans enough to transition and that the blowback would be insurmountable are all things I felt for the many years I spent pretransition. I'm not going to tell you what you are but nothing you've said precludes it. Greg12 posted:What does it feel like to realize you're trans? To be trans before you realize it? Before you know trans exists? How do you know, and how's it different from just thinking that parts or all of the gender role assigned-at-birth don't interest you? Before: Weird confusion. Ennui that I couldn't place. Many nights laying in bed that would be the only time I'd let my guard down enough to entertain certain thoughts. I both knew and didn't know for most of my late teens and 20s. I knew that trans people were a thing. But those people KNEW. I was so fuckin confused that I figured it was just a weird fetish or fixation. Other times I'd acknowledge I probably trans but not enough for me to blow up my life over. My attitude towards my male body and identity was mostly neutral. Still, I'd have this recurring fantasy of being on my deathbed, and that being the time I finally tell someone. So that someone finally knew. Egg crack: It's an "oh poo poo" moment. Without going into detail, I had an experience of pure, deep gender euphoria (EDIT: GOD DAMMIT I MEANT EUPHORIA JESUS). This incredible warm feeling deep in my chest. Afterwards I knew this was deeper than a fetish and could not be dismissed. I needed to start seriously looking into it and figure myself out. It was very scary and very exciting. In the aftermath of that I will say that I still didn't feel like a woman on the inside which hosed me up for a while. I felt like I wanted to be. Feeling like a woman didn't come for me until I started actually taking steps forward and dressing differently, presenting differently. I found my body language and mannerisms shifted in small ways as soon as I did. And with it came greater certainty that I was a lady and that I did not ever wanna stop or pull back. oh god oh fuck fucked around with this message at 20:21 on Dec 3, 2022 |
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Dec 3, 2022 18:19
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oh god oh gently caress posted:
I wanna be clear about what I mean here. Only you can determine if you're trans or not and how you decide to handle it. It's a huge decision that you need to reach on your own.
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Dec 3, 2022 20:00
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oh god oh gently caress posted:Not gonna tell you what to do with your life but not having what I would consider dysphoria, feeling like I wasn't trans enough to transition and that the blowback would be insurmountable are all things I felt for the many years I spent pretransition. I'm not going to tell you what you are but nothing you've said precludes it. Seeing this story laid out It really gives me some direction... I've been gripping with identity since 2020 and have been not feeling like all the stories i hear, im similarly Neutral on my masculine birth and identity. but what sticks with me is how i feel whenever i use my vtuber avatar which is all female, and how i felt the first time i was being represented as female on screen and that euphoric feeling i just havent beenable to find elsewhere.
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Dec 3, 2022 20:16
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Your experience can be guided by what you like and want instead of what you hate. That's how it was for me. I spent over a year post-egg crack languishing because despite supposedly figuring myself out I didn't feel confident enough to move forward and started doubting myself again. Doubt is self reinforcing and, despite how confident other trans people look, is the most universal trans experience. If you want to explore it more, identify the things you wanna try and try them. I got a surprising amount of clarity just wearing makeup and femme clothes for the first time.
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Dec 3, 2022 20:26
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My best friend, who I've known since we were both in 10th grade 40+ years ago, began transitioning last year. I live on a coast, she lives in the midwest, but we talk every week, and since she began her transition, I've never heard her sound more confident and positive about her life and her future. I asked her if she had any regrets, and she said only that she'd waited so long.
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Dec 11, 2022 05:00
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The Midwest is such a poo poo hole for transgender issues but I'm probably stuck here. My solace is that I live in Illinois which is a sea of blue surrounded by red. Thanks Chicago. Grats to your friend.
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Dec 11, 2022 05:16
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What is the biggest thing I can do to be an ally and support system to my husband, who has started the process of transitioning into a woman? Pronouns are not yet altered. He hasn't decided on a new name. Afaik, surgery isn't on the books, but hair removal and hormone therapy likely will be. I think! He's very early into this, but is experimenting with fashion, wigs, and a silicone breast plate. I want to be as prepared and as helpful as possible, but this is all incredibly new and somewhat intimidating to me, and I really don't always know how to act or think or even feel about things! I'm not scared about the future of our relationship, but I just don't know enough about the transgender community or what transgender people go through. I have trans friends and friends-of-friends but I could really use some additional insights. Any good resources you could recommend for someone in my position?
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Dec 14, 2022 23:06
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Love Lives Here by Amanda Jette Knox is a book I've seen recommended a lot for cis partners. Haven't read it but heard a lot of good things about it. As for what you can do, I'd say just stand by and try to be supportive. Try not to control or guide what they do or how they present. Offer help whenever they need or ask for it. Just being there and being someone they can trust to talk about these things is already doing a lot for them.
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Dec 14, 2022 23:27
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my cat is norris posted:What is the biggest thing I can do to be an ally and support system to my husband, who has started the process of transitioning into a woman? Beyond just being supportive, the big thing to do is the moment pronouns change or name changes, be on it. My best advice in that regard is to correct/quick apology and move on if a mistake is made. The longer you dwell on a misgendering or deadnaming the worse it feels for everyone involved. It's the one thing I wish was told to me or I had realized sooner.
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Dec 15, 2022 01:30
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My best friend told me the best thing that happened to her, was that her friends immediately forgot her deadname and used the correct pronouns without any hesitation.
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Dec 15, 2022 02:24
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my cat is norris posted:What is the biggest thing I can do to be an ally and support system to my husband, who has started the process of transitioning into a woman? Husband in question; I'm very fortunate that I haven't had nearly the same level of distress as some trans people have experienced with my personal image/existence, but it's also still a daunting situation with a lot of different variables and ways things can go, and I'm not only having to learn about trans things but also feminine fashion and presentation. Taking off the burden of half of that stuff with feedback or suggestions is huge. Greg12 posted:What does it feel like to realize you're trans? To be trans before you realize it? Before you know trans exists? How do you know, and how's it different from just thinking that parts or all of the gender role assigned-at-birth don't interest you? Adding my own thing to this in case it helps someone, since I feel like the experience I've had isn't the kind that's heard a lot: Before I hit puberty and shot up to 6'4" while my voice dropped down to moletown, I was constantly mistaken for a girl. I didn't mind it at all, even though it led to teasing and bullying a lot from other kids. But I also didn't hate being called a boy, either? I was annoyed that men's hygiene products were always nondescript scents like "arctic breeze" or "woodland chill" or whatever while women got flowers and fruits that smelled distinct, but I dealt with it when my family said "you're a man, you need to have manly things". When my family put me into a kids' production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, I got cast as Francis Flute and actually enjoyed that. For those who don't know, he's a man in a group of mechanics who's forced into the role of Thisbe in the play-within-a-play performance of the Greek romance, Pyramus and Thisbe; their performance is comedic and really bad for the most part, until the final act where Francis really connects with the role and puts his whole heart into the last monologue. So, I got exposed to a LOT of this really early on just by happenstance, and then puberty hit and it was Man Time, and I never really got a chance to think about it ever again. I did, however, always have a dissatisfaction with how I looked in a way I couldn't really place. I got called handsome, but I never could see it myself. I tried a lot of things, but it was always in the confines of what was expected of someone masculine. I was also in a really abusive home situation for most of it, so I didn't have the mental space to even start considering more feminine things. But I did have the internet, and video games. In video games and play-by-post roleplaying, I did absolutely everything I could to not be a humanoid man. I didn't try being female, but I knew, given the choice, I never wanted to present as male. So I went with dinosaurs and robots and monsters and whatever else I could find, and if I was forced into being a human-ish male, then it had better be a setting with cool monsters or something in it so I can have something else to look at. I would see other guys say things like "I play a female character because if I'm gonna stare at someone's butt, it should be one I want to look at" and I never really felt that way myself, so it seemed like playing monsters was the only option for me to project on a character. Then in my early 20s I discovered the Touhou games, notable for having a 99% female cast of just...people, and it was eye-opening. Suddenly I found so many human-ish female characters with a range of looks and personalities that weren't there for ogling purposes, and on top of that the gameplay was fun and challenging and the music was fantastic so I really wanted to play the games outside of them having a female cast. I found some roleplaying communities for the games, and since I didn't have a choice, I played a female character for the first time and it was...nice? It was definitely the first time I felt properly connected to a character and engaged with them. Then I made female characters in games and found that I enjoyed customizing them and making outfits for them way more. Then I started almost exclusively playing female characters by default. Still, I didn't really know about trans being a thing. I knew about men who presented with feminine styles, but I knew that didn't appeal to me. I liked painting my nails and wearing dangly earrings, but I didn't feel like anything else "worked" for me as a man. Once I moved and got married and had more space to actually think about these things, I realized that I'd feel better about myself with things like "having long hair I can style and braid" and "having breasts and hips." It took way longer to settle in that I didn't have to just project onto fictional characters, but that I could start making myself what I wanted to be. Especially the fact that I didn't have to hate myself or be certain that I wanted to go through hormone therapy to start identifying as transgender. Anyway it was a really long process and it's still kind of weird, but it's the first time I've ever felt legitimately good about my appearance instead of just good enough, so I'll keep working on it.
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Dec 15, 2022 04:11
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i love you so much ^^^ Ty for the responses above. I'll check out that book and take your other advice to heart.
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Dec 15, 2022 05:06
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my cat is norris posted:What is the biggest thing I can do to be an ally and support system to my husband, who has started the process of transitioning into a woman? A lot of good advice so far. I think the best resource you can personally have as the process plays out is equanimity and patience. You seem very well-equipped and supportive, which is a great sign. The process typically changes and stresses people, generally including loved ones. Just be ready for that.
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Dec 15, 2022 05:46
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Fyi if you don't already know about it there's a trans chat thread in CCCC
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Dec 15, 2022 11:33
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oh god oh gently caress posted:Fyi if you don't already know about it there's a trans chat thread in CCCC https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3906197&pagenumber=1&perpage=40 link for anyone who needs it I will also start following that thread!
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Dec 15, 2022 13:43
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my cat is norris posted:Any good resources you could recommend for someone in my position? When I sent a letter to family I included two links for good primers. The first one in particular was really helpful for my wife and I as far as offering a shared vocabulary and a starting point for talking about how my experience was or wasn’t like what’s described in the site. quote:Primer: A resource that is a great starting point for learning about all this is https://genderdysphoria.fyi which helpfully breaks things down into the history, big concepts, and some of the experiences/ It also has information about treatment and how it all works. Something to consider for yourself is that this might be an opportunity to think about and enrich your own relationship with your gender. Not in an “everyone is trans” kind of way, but in a “there’s a lot of unexamined defaults we all live with” kind of way. A bunch of assumptions you’ve been holding about your own life and sexuality might be up for reconsideration, given how the person you love is changing. My wife and I have talked a lot and it’s been nice for both of us to compare notes. We also made the conscious choice to treat this as good news and to communicate it as such when letting friends and family know. Which is not to say that navigating a relationship through transition is problem free, just that we wanted people’s first response to not be sympathy, so we tried to set the tone.
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Dec 16, 2022 13:27
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How are some of the more practical aspects in day to day life for new-genital-havers? If you've gained testicles, do you now deal with the frustration of balls stuck to your thigh on a hot, humid day? If you've gained a neo-vagina, do you have to deal with yeast infections or things like that to a different degree compared to people whose pies came homemade? Do things secrete, or is it all naturally kind of dry? Is lube required now? Have your orgasms changed? Is the smell different? Please [Tell] me about your day to day new genital experiences, and how they may have differed in ways both expected and unexpected from how you thought it would be. E: sorry if this sounds like a shitpost, I'm actually genuinely curious. I've seen a lot about the mental aspects but very little about the physical realities. Volmarias fucked around with this message at 06:17 on Jan 11, 2023 |
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Jan 11, 2023 03:20
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Does anyone have a perspective on why they did or did not take the plunge and go from an orchiectomy to full-on SRS? I had my orchi last month (!!) and it's been really wonderful. The same surgeon does SRS, and I'm meeting with him in a couple days for a follow-up. I'm hoping I can ask him for more details about SRS then (last time I talked to him, he went over a lot of the broad details and said that he would have powerpoints and diagrams to show me). I'm at a kind of crossroads in my life right now, where I currently am financially stable enough and have good health insurance, so I can afford to take some time to recover from SRS and pay off the insured cost. But if I put SRS on hold and go to grad school, it may be many years before I have the same kind of stability and security in my life. So I kind of feel pressured to make a decision this year as to whether I want SRS or if I am satisfied with just an orchiectomy. On the other hand, the recovery process terrifies me on a deep and primal level. I think the main thing I feel about my genitals at their current ball-yeeted status is that erections are still a pain, and I wish I just had a clitoris instead. The actual vagina... It'd be nice to have a functional one, but the process of healing along with dilation and complications is really, really, really scary to me. Maybe over time the status of my stuff down there will mellow out? (I don't even like saying/typing the words "my Also--zero depth SRS. Does anyone have insights? Thank you friends. 
Cephas fucked around with this message at 06:57 on Jan 11, 2023 |
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Jan 11, 2023 06:54
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I'm skipping the trans masculine questions, because I'm not trans masc. I know some about the subject, but I'd rather a trans masculine person talk about their own experiences.Volmarias posted:If you've gained a neo-vagina, do you have to deal with yeast infections or things like that to a different degree compared to people whose pies came homemade? Yes. AFAIK it's pretty similar, but that's not something I've really, specifically, researched. Volmarias posted:Do things secrete, or is it all naturally kind of dry? Is lube required now? I can't speak from personal experience, yet, as I'm still in recovery and am not sexually active, but the answer is basically "it depends" to the first part and "yes" to the second. Volmarias posted:Have your orgasms changed? Is the smell different? This changed sometime during hormone therapy. It various for different people, but my body odor and genital odors became very different than prior to hormone therapy. Genital odors became more pronounced post-surgery, though it's hard to say how much of the more pronounced smell(s) are because of healing and recovery, and how much is there from just having a vagina now. Volmarias posted:Please [Tell] me about your day to day new genital experiences, and how they may have differed in ways both expected and unexpected from how you thought it would be. Day to day is hard to report on, as I'm still very much in recovery and minor complications are delaying normalcy. Dilating is the big "day to day" dealing that's new, and I should make a whole reply just on that. Long story short is that I have to dilate a couple times a day. I do this generally when I wake up and sometime early afternoon. Dilating is the process of using medical grade dildos to help stretch the neo-vagina and make sure it doesn't close up on itself like a gnarly piercing. I'll try to write more about this process soon (maybe tomorrow, maybe early next week?) Other oddities to report on: Peeing - quite a different experience! If I had to compare them, I'd say peeing like a dude is something akin to a hose with a nozzle set to the strongest pressure. Meanwhile peeing like a girl is closer to the nozzle being off the hose entirely. I never had to worry about pissing myself when I had a dick. Post surgery though, it's surprisingly harder to "hold in" when I "really" have to pee. Prior to surgery it was like having the nozzle set to off and the faucet off. As soon as the faucet turns on, you have to pee, but the nozzle holds things in. Post surgery as soon as my bladder's full there's a lot less I can do to "hold it." My understanding is that I'll regain some of that control over time, as I get used to using the muscles down there differently. On top of that, that SOUND is different. Every time I've used a women's restroom in public I was so terrified of my pee sounds outing me as a dick haver. Pants - girl pants fit properly now! Men's pants have extra room in the crotch area, usually, and that's not a thing for most girl pants. If I wanted to wear girl pants I had to be really picky, or do my best to wear longer shirts that hide the bulge. Or just. Not care about the bulge. (There was no not caring about the bulge.) Showering - no dangly bits! I have to admit that every shower since I got out of surgery has been better than the shower before it. It was incredibly euphoric showering the first time once the packing was removed. It's stayed euphoric every shower since. As the pain and stress and worry subsides it gets even better. It's just a huge amount of mental and physical relief. Sitting/Laying positions - How I miss being able to lay on my stomach. This is largely "still recovering" day to day but I definitely have to be careful how I sit, lay, stand up, bend over, basically do anything that stretches muscles or puts pressure down there. It's getting to the point that I don't have to think about it as much, but it's definitely still a thing I'm very cognizant about. Lady Hygiene Pads - Surprise unexpected euphoria! I pretty much have to wear one of these 24/7 because of the minor complications and dilation being messy. How good of a day I'm having is directly related to how clean the pad is when I go to the bathroom. While at some point in the future I won't need to keep wearing them, for now there's something very gender euphoria inducing about shopping for, buying, and using pads. Volmarias posted:E: sorry if this sounds like a shitpost, I'm actually genuinely curious. I've seen a lot about the mental aspects but very little about the physical realities. Honestly I've been expecting more questions like this, and it's clear you're doing so from a place of curiosity rather than, I don't know, something more malicious? I appreciate you asking.
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Jan 11, 2023 06:59
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Cephas posted:I had my orchi last month (!!) and it's been really wonderful. Grats! It's a great feeling. Cephas posted:Does anyone have a perspective on why they did or did not take the plunge and go from an orchiectomy to full-on SRS? Originally I "planned" on just having an orchi. Stopping the testosterone machine was my main priority, as was getting off the brain-fog inducing Spironolactone. Two years later, the dysphoria had lessened but was most certainly still present. The opportunity presented itself to have SRS, so I took it. If I didn't have the privilege of insurance and a job that was willing to give me the time off needed, and a support network of family and friends to help me through recovery there's no way I would have been able to do it. Basically: everything lined up to make wanting and getting the full surgery worth while. Cephas posted:Also--zero depth SRS. Does anyone have insights? From talking to people (doctors, nurses, other trans women) prior to my surgery, I chose full depth over zero depth. The reasoning feels pretty sound to me: 1) It's much harder to achieve full depth after a zero-depth surgery if you "change your mind" 2) There's more experience in the medical community as a whole regarding full depth 3) On the off change I date a trans girl who likes tabs in slots, I'll have the slot 4) As far as I know, and was told by doctors, was that it probably wouldn't affect the price, complications, or complexity of the procedure 5) I'm spending all this time and money, might as well "do it right" As a post-mortem I think I made the right decision (for me, the right decision for me specifically). Even with the complications and the dilation and the stress of healing and everything involved... I am happy with the choices I made. I'll do a bigger write up on dilation, but to touch on that briefly: it's really not as bad as I made it out to be in my head. It sucks. It's annoying. It's a chore. That's all true, but it's fine. Even with complications specifically related to dilating, it's fine.
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Jan 11, 2023 07:18
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Cephas posted:Does anyone have a perspective on why they did or did not take the plunge and go from an orchiectomy to full-on SRS? It's been really good to hear about your orchi going well. I've posted with you before about this but I figure someone browsing A/T might want to hear this perspective too. I opted for orchiectomy, and have no plans to follow up with vulvoplasty (zero-depth) or vaginoplasty (full-depth). I considered each option, and would find them each affirming, but my perceived dysphoria from not having gone through these procedures (it is not zero) is less than the very significant inconvenience each would represent. They are major surgeries that disrupt your life, cost a lot of money, and come with serious inconveniences, so I chose the least invasive option which alleviated enough of my dysphoria. How does that translate to your situation? Well, for one you experience vivid/severe dysphoric phenomena which I do not. That should weigh heavily on your mind. On the other hand, I think you'd have second thoughts about any decision you made thinking it was under the gun. You should decide what end state you want, weighed against what it would cost you to get there, and if the right time is now that's great, but it's not your last chance. When I was considering further surgery, vulvoplasty was the closest to something I would pursue, because of perspectives I heard from other trans women about it lowering dysphoria and being much more convenient. Dilation really sounds like a bitch and a half. I hope we get a poster who's gone through vulvoplasty.
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Jan 11, 2023 08:25
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I've talked about minor complications and haven't gone into details because it's a lot of TMI, but they fit well into this post, so be prepared for TMI. Everything about this post is probably TMI. You've been warned. Basically, the stiches came undone earlier than they were supposed to. This left two largeish holes in my left labia. You're supposed to have two holes. the pee hole and the vagina hole. I basically had four. two were "rips" from where the sutures failed.. From here on out we will refer to this as "the wounds." I had to be incredibly careful to not stretch out and mess with the healing wounds. My doctor wasn't super concerned. He assured me that as long as things progressed well they'd heal on their own. I just had to be careful and take care of them. I went to a few follow-ups, and each time they considered stitching me up again, but ultimately left it to heal on it's own. This was VERY SCARY to me. There were holes where there should not have been holes! I could stick my finger in them! The surgeon and pelvic floor physical therapist stuck their fingers in them! I also had a "tunneling" wound inside the vagina cavity itself. Basically the vaginal wall had a hole that you could basically stick a cotton swab in and out the other wounds. My surgeon and pelvic floor physical therapist were great, did a lot to reassure me, and I've seen them about once a month since being home. They were great. It's about a 4 hour drive to get to the surgeon's office, so we've been going up as sparingly as possible. In addition to my surgeon and pelvic floor therapist, I had a second pelvic floor therapist who was more local to me. I don't like her very much. She's way more cautious, seems way less familiar with post-op transgender surgery healing than my surgeon and therapist in Chicago, misgendered me constantly, and ultimately just made me feel more paranoid about my healing. I've stopped going to her. The other minor complication is what's called "granulation." Granulation is basically when your body is like "hey, i should heal that wound" and then never stops. I had a few spots of granulation both external and internal to the neo vagina. You "fix" granulation tissue by cauterizing the wound. That's as painful as it sounds. Basically, I had to get silver nitrate applicator sticks. Think a long cotton swab, but with silver nitrate on the end of it. Silver nitrate, when applied to granulation tissue, burns. A lot. I had a bit of granulation tissue on my clit. I had to put silver nitrate on my clit. Multiple times.  All of that is healed now. Everything looks and feels great. There's no more wounds. Unfortunately it brought about one final complication (oh god I hope it's the final one). Basically, there's a ring of scar tissue just inside my vaginal cavity. I have to "aggressively dilate" to work at "breaking up" and "stretching" the scar tissue. So that's where I'm at today. I have an appointment next Wednesday to see if aggressively dilating has worked, or if I need to have a follow-up procedure under anesthesia where the surgeon will break it up for me. The Dilation Post!!! Starting two weeks after surgery, my new daily routine began. Three times a day. Every day. Dilation, as I've said in previous posts, is the act of using medical dildos to stretch the vaginal opening and cavity. At the moment I'm down to twice a day. Eventually it'll be once a day, and at some point in the future once every few days. I will always be dilating, it's just the frequency of having to do it changes as healing happens and progress is made. Step 1: Select your weapons  These are dilators. Each is a varying size from a varying brand. There's four brands here. The yellow (4-1/2" length x 1-1/8" diameter), orange (5" length x 1-1/4" diameter), and purple (5-1/2" length x 1-7/16" diameter) set were my starter set. These are silicone, rubbery, have some squishy give to them. I started with the yellow, and once I could get it all the way in and not have it feel too "tight" I moved onto the orange one. The orange one is my "primary" dilator currently. The long blue (9" length x 1-1/4" diameter) and green (9" length x 1-3/8" diameter) are also part of my starter set. These are rigid polyurethane. The two "small" white ones are rigid plastic, 1-1/8" and 1-3/8" in diameter. These are not tapered, so the tip is just as wide as the base. I dislike these, but they're important for my minor complications. Here's a diagram of the final set. Very similar to the starter set, but slightly different sizes.  Usually you just need to pick one, but in some circumstances you'll be picking 2-3. Due to my minor complications I generally start with the small green one (1"), move up to the hard white one (1-1/8"), and end with the orange (1-1/4"). So I take out all three, wash them with soap and water, and set them aside. Step 2: Prepare the bed I have a supply of disposable incontinence bed pads. I put one on my bed to prevent me from having to wash my sheets every night. I have a reading pillow that I put against the back board for comfort. I have a couple pillows I put under my knees for comfort. I basically setup the bed to be as comfortable as possible. I then make sure my cell phone and my mirror are in reach, these are important! Lastly, I have a bedside table I put a paper towel on. This will also be important for later. Step 3: Lubricate I buy half-gallon tubs of lube. I go through a lot. You really can't have enough lube.  I lube up the top 3/4 of each dilator I plan on using that session. All the way around. So much lube. Each dilator gets lubed up and then lined up in order on the paper towel on my bedside table. Step 4: Photos Because of my minor complications, I was taking photos before every dilation session. I'd use the selfie camera on my phone and take as good of a photo of my healing vagina as I could. This was done to make me feel better. I could track progress of my healing wounds, and keep an eye on how things were going. Step 5: Setup the mirror The little mirror I have can stand on it's own, so I just have to situate it so that I can see my vagina to make insertion easier. It's mostly there just to get started, and I probably don't need it anymore but it's part of the process now so I just keep at it. Step 6: Insertion Using the smallest lubed up dilator, I carefully insert the tip into the vagina. It takes a couple of minutes to go from "just the tip" to "full insertion." Slow and steady wins the race. "Forcing" things in or going too quickly is a great way to cause new complications, or to do something stupid like gently caress up and dilate your urethra instead of your vagina. My pelvic floor physical therapist warned me that it was a thing. Don't dilate your urethra. The mirror helps so much with initial insertion. That's it's only job. Step 7: Relax? Attempt to relax for roughly 5 minutes. Every minute or so fidget with the dilator a bit to help stretch out things and see how it "feels." When you can fairly easily slide it in and out, and twist it, without it feeling like it's too tight, it's ready to move onto the next size up. Step 8: Removal Remaining as relaxed as possible, carefully, slowly, and patiently remove the dilator. Place it on the paper towel. Step 8: Aggressive dilation The second dilator I use is the smaller of the two white plastic ones. Since it has no "give" to it, it's great for aggressively breaking up that scar tissue I mentioned. Basically I insert the hard plastic dilator about an inch in, just past the scar tissue. Generally this dilator is harder to insert, due to not being tapered, which is why I start with a smaller tapered one. I then "pull" it to one side, stretching out the scar tissue as best I can, and hold it there for 30 seconds. Then I pull it to the opposite side and hold it for about 30 seconds. I continue to stretch out the scar tissue as best I can in all 8 directions. I do this for about 5 minutes. This part of the process is pretty gross. Breaking up fresh scar tissue is apparently a bloody business. Step 9: Regular dilation Finally, I take the last of the three dilators, insert it just like I did the first one, and sit there mostly bored for the next 15-20 minutes. Earlier in my recovery I had a bed desk, with a laptop setup, and I'd either play Hearthstone, Power Washer Simulator, or watch 20 minute youtube videos (The Charismatic Voice is an AMAZING channel, and her videos take about 20 minutes to watch, so they're perfect distractions). Hearthstone and Power Washer Simulator were good choices, primarily because I could do them one handed. Step 10: Clean up I have to be very careful standing up, so that I'm still basically over the bed pad. Whether it's just excess lube, or blood, something's going to leak out a bit as gravity takes hold. I stand over the pad for a minute, before holding it between my legs and waddling to the bathroom a few steps away. Once I'm in the bathroom, I can wipe up the excess lube, clean up the blood, and basically just not be gross anymore. Once I'm cleaned up, I return to my bedside table to get the dilators I used. Each one gets washed with soap and water, dried, and put back for the next dilation session. Epilogue The whole dilation process takes about 30-45 minutes and honestly is more boring and monotonous than anything. It's slightly worse for me, due to the minor complications I've had, but really it's not that bad. You quickly get over being squeamish about the whole thing. I'm sore for an hour or so afterwards, but it's fine. I'm still working on progressing to the bigger dilators. My overly cautious local physical therapist held me back from using the bigger ones, and now the scar tissue from the first set of minor complications, has prevented me as well. Honestly though, I'm not in a huge hurry to get to bigger dilators. I've met my goal, which was to relieve dysphoria and get rid of my dick. I don't have a penis-having partner to make sure my vagina fits well with. I don't have a "favorite toy" (yet?) that I want to experiment with. Depth and diameter are minor concerns, compared to the complications I had. The complications are basically gone now, with the exception of the ring of scar tissue, which I'm hoping is better enough by next week. We'll see what the surgeon thinks. Frozen Peach fucked around with this message at 09:06 on Jan 11, 2023 |
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Jan 11, 2023 09:04
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Thanks, this is all pretty interesting to read!
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Jan 12, 2023 16:02
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How did You do it?
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Jan 12, 2023 18:32
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Volmarias posted:Thanks, this is all pretty interesting to read! Seconded! I was meaning to ask pretty much the same questions, since it had been a while.
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Jan 12, 2023 19:59
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I had my post-orchi follow-up with my surgeon. He showed me a power point of what his technique (penile-inversion and optionally robo arm-assisted peritoneal pull-through) looks like, and how the results heal over time. Definitely veered me away from zero-depth/vulvoplasty, personally. He said that his technique creates a dimple rather than a shallow vaginal canal. He also said that the recovery process is not significantly different between zero-depth and full SRS as far as his technique is concerned. I am going to give myself some time to let my feelings percolate now that I am ball-free. Seeing the powerpoints and listening to my surgeon talk about the surgery, I feel less afraid of the process. However, I also am starting to feel like, maybe this isn't something I need. I definitely don't want to do it just for the sake of doing it--there needs to be a real benefit that is worth the costs. I can't overstate how happy my orchiectomy has made me, though. Like, I can just full-heartedly smile and say that I'm glad to be alive. In all my life I don't think I've been able to say that before the surgery.
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Jan 14, 2023 02:22
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Cephas posted:I can't overstate how happy my orchiectomy has made me, though. Like, I can just full-heartedly smile and say that I'm glad to be alive. In all my life I don't think I've been able to say that before the surgery. Beaming with joy at this. You deserve it.
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Jan 14, 2023 02:41
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Frozen Peach posted:
Late to the thread and all, but realising I'm not cis (still day to day male presenting but more they/she inside, minimal dysphoria (just facial hair) but absolute gender euphoria at times when I'm both feeling and presenting as a woman) REALLY explained why I've always been so in love with that song.
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Jan 16, 2023 17:12
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This all sounds tremendously painful, to say nothing of just - inconvenient. What a pain in the rear end to have to deal with this. You have my sympathies and support.
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Jan 19, 2023 21:03
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I'll be going in for a secondary follow-up surgery in the middle of February. I saw the surgeon yesterday, and he's going to do a skin graft to help fix the scar tissue problem. I'm really bummed, but at the same time relieved that it's getting dealt with. I was hoping it would be an out patient surgery and just take a day, but it's going to be in patient and I'll be up in Chicago for a week. So that's fun.
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Jan 20, 2023 05:22
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Volmarias posted:If you've gained testicles, do you now deal with the frustration of balls stuck to your thigh on a hot, humid day? Wait what? How do you gain testicles? Where do they come from?
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Feb 12, 2023 14:42
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banned from Starbucks posted:Wait what? How do you gain testicles? Where do they come from? They make these things called "neuticles" for the dogs of cishet dudes who are too fragile in their masculinity to have a visibly neutered male dog. Or presumably, when the wife sneaks off to have doggo neutered cause husband is against it because "but I wouldn't want my balls chopped off!" They could do the same for humans. Don't know if they do, but we have the technology.
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Feb 12, 2023 22:11
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taiyoko posted:They make these things called "neuticles" for the dogs of cishet dudes who are too fragile in their masculinity to have a visibly neutered male dog. what in the christ?? This cant be a real thing. Lol at truck nutting your dog
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Feb 13, 2023 08:33
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