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Cis Homosexual Male - Gender was very confusing to me to think about because I just...didn't. It wasn't until some people around me started coming out as trans that I started to examine it and at least try to understand it. I think the perspective I have is at least a little useful because long before I asked, 'how do you understand yourself as transgender', I was asked, 'how do you know you are gay'. My dismissive snappy answer was always, 'Well, how do you know you are straight?', but that has a element to it that I think I carry forward with gender: It's their Lived Experience™. My lived Experience is very gay, and very cis. By examining the former, I came to be a better understanding of the latter (I think anyway). But regardless, I don't really ask the question 'how do you know you are trans' -- I just understand it as their Lived Experience and I can respect that.
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Sep 11, 2023 20:41
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Another agender autistic person said something to me that really resonated: "When I was born, I was given the "female" script, so that's the part I played" I feel like until I actually started examining what gender means or doesn't mean to me I didn't even know that I was allowed to just throw away the script and do my own thing
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Sep 11, 2023 20:47
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BonHair posted:
So, if you've got androgen insensitivity syndrome, your biological sex is "male". Your gender? Whatever you find comfortable; historically, because people with AIS have apparently female external organs, their gender was assigned as female and generally stayed that way. There are a lot of social roles assigned to gender that aren't rigidly bound to sex. For instance, Albanian women could become "sworn virgins" (burrnesha), meaning that they disavowed all romantic contact including marriage. Thereafter, they dressed as men, took on the social roles available to men including being head of the household, and were treated as male in society. They could smoke and drink in bars. Some women became burrnesha to avoid unwanted marriages, or because blood feuds had led to a male-less household. Others did it because they didn't feel like women. A burrnesha's sex? Female. His gender? Male. Trans people, in one way or another, have showed up in many societies over time, including settler American society. Cool article on burrnesha in Albania. There are few remaining burrnesha, and they're all old.
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Sep 11, 2023 21:04
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Generally see it broken down to seven categories of sex that are capable of being independent of one another Chromosomal sex Anatomical sex Genital sex Legal sex Hormonal sex Psychosocial sex
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Sep 11, 2023 21:09
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Yeah, "biological sex" is itself a complicated question, because there's a ton of developmental variation at every level of the process. Most (but not all) viable human embryos will have either an XY or XX pair of sex chromosomes; usually (but not always) the Y chromosome carries the genetic factor that causes penile/testicular genital structures to form (unless the embryo has another genetic condition that might change that, like androgen insensitivity syndrome). Most babies will be born with genitals that match one of two binary setups, but many will not, and binary primary sexual characteristics have a pretty broad spectrum of presentation even before you get into things like hormone production, which has a ton of variation too. The whole thing is immensely complicated, and the transphobic purity tests about "real, biological" men and women don't hold true for a lot of cis binary people.
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Sep 11, 2023 23:08
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Grassy Knowles posted:Generally see it broken down to seven categories of sex that are capable of being independent of one another Fascinating! Glad to hear things have progressed. Antivehicular posted:The whole thing is immensely complicated, and the transphobic purity tests about "real, biological" men and women don't hold true for a lot of cis binary people. Arsenic Lupin fucked around with this message at 00:37 on Sep 12, 2023 |
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Sep 12, 2023 00:34
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BonHair posted:Thanks for trying to take on my dumb question. I am hopefully learning. For #1, it's because I'm not a man. Tried (and failed) at it for years, but it fundamentally isn't who I am. It's not about flaunting gender roles, or patriarchy or anything like that- it was a creeping sense of unease and disgust that started when I was young (~4-5ish?), really amped up in puberty, and only got worse over time. It's not just necessarily an identity thing, but there are likely biological and genetic bases as well (e.g., if one identical twin is trans the other has a significantly higher chance to identify as trans too). I think it's not just this aspect of not identifying as one thing but also my experience of everything clicking into place and the euphoria that came from identifying as a woman and being on the right hormones. That I feel was a very enlightening aspect for me immediately telling me yeah, this is the right path. For #2, there are some important distinctions in terms of risk factors for various diseases and such, but I don't think sex ultimately matters outside of a doctor's office. Dysphoria can frequently take numerous different forms which may be unrelated to physical body/body parts, just as trans individuals can be trans without having gender dysphoria. It's a pretty complicated aspect when it comes to understanding how it works.
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Sep 12, 2023 01:06
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Conceptualizing gender as an ontological state is not helpful for me. When I am referred to as a man it causes a deep-seated harmful pain called gender dysphoria. Meanwhile when I am referred to as a woman it feels normal. Same with the other aspects of taking up that gender role and presentation. Crossdressing men typically have something else going on, like performance art or making a point or having fun.
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Sep 12, 2023 01:12
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Grassy Knowles posted:Legal sex Hopefully all of your sex is legal 
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Sep 12, 2023 02:37
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Ohtori Akio posted:Conceptualizing gender as an ontological state is not helpful for me. When I am referred to as a man it causes a deep-seated harmful pain called gender dysphoria. Meanwhile when I am referred to as a woman it feels normal. Same with the other aspects of taking up that gender role and presentation. Crossdressing men typically have something else going on, like performance art or making a point or having fun.
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Sep 12, 2023 03:36
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Grassy Knowles posted:Generally see it broken down to seven categories of sex that are capable of being independent of one another
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Sep 12, 2023 04:56
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Arsenic Lupin posted:What distinguishes hormonal sex from the others? Not challenging you, asking for education. Going on HRT causes a change in hormonal sex classification. When prescribing other drugs, for example, doctors consider my hormonal sex primarily.
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Sep 12, 2023 05:00
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Hormonal sex is just what your primary sex hormone is. It affects your metabolism and hepatic parameters, as well as most sex dependent disease risk factors. Changing your hormonal sex can go on to affect other sexed aspects of your body, but those are the immediate changes.
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Sep 12, 2023 11:20
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Definitely over simplifying here, as I can only half-remember, but "biological" sex is not just a spectrum, but something like 40+ different spectra, many of which weren't even discovered until lately as part of like pharmaceutical trials. Like, someone will find a drug that "works" in 90% of men and "doesn't work" in 90% of women and then they figure out that it's because it interacts with a very particular hormone or neurotransmitter or something that most men produce and most women don't, but there's some crossover, and then there are people who are somewhere in between. Now, this particular transmitter is otherwise completely transparent; you wouldn't know if you have any or not unless you went looking for it, but it turns out - sex-linked! Does having that chemical in your body affect your sex? Your gender? Who knows?! Maybe! Now multiply that by like four dozen.
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Sep 12, 2023 18:35
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Yeah, there are a ton of factors and they're by and large broad spectrums with lots of bell-curve overlap, because sexual and reproductive traits are something development can be really squishy about and still have a viable organism at the end, compared to most bodily systems. It's wild stuff.
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Sep 13, 2023 00:44
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This is a really interesting thread to read, thanks to everyone for taking the time to explain. Gender and gender perception is a fascinating, complex subject. Small two cents from a cis, straight woman - I was a short-haired kid who hated dresses, was allowed to dress however I liked, and as a result I was pretty commonly mistaken for a boy. I had no concept of gender as is, and I rejected traditionally girly things, but I still got pretty annoyed when people called me a boy. As an adult I still cut my hair short and dress "masculine", but reflecting on the gender question more deeply has always given me the same answer - I am comfortable in the mental box that says "woman" and don't really identify myself in the "man" one, nor do I really see myself as agender. I have no idea why or how, or what precise societal mechanism made it work like so, but as much as I need a label to start with, that's the one label that fits me  .
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Sep 14, 2023 16:37
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Is it true that one can sell a testicle or two for 5+ figures? Is that what you folks did when you got your orchies?
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Sep 19, 2023 19:57
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I've been thinking lately about getting SRS. I orchied at the end of last year, and it's just kind of like, made it very clear to me. I'm just really worried about the recovery. I'm almost 33, and I've spent basically the entirety of my 30s dealing with injuries and illness so far. It's just kind of exhausting imagining adding yet another year of pain and suffering on top of that. OTOH, getting srs will probably improve my life. idk, I have felt like I've been backsliding lately in terms of gender dysphoria and mental health. When I came out a decade ago, it was like shedding layers and layers of baggage. When I resolved to get orchi, I also felt a sense of renewal and self-love. But lately I've been kind of sliding into a mild self-loathing. I guess it's bc being trans basically got me disowned and led to several bad romantic situations, so on top of the internal gender dysphoria, I've unfortunately had a lot of external reinforcement of my negative self-image. i just wanna be gay and be kinda pretty and be someones comfy gay wife
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Sep 19, 2023 20:14
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I'm researching different surgeons in my area and I have a question for anyone who might have knowledge on the subject of SRS. The surgeon who did my orchi did his fellowship out in Oregon, and he moved to my city to set up as a gender-affirming care surgeon for the region. I've gotten a good vibe from him in all of my interactions, very kind and trustworthy. Earlier this year I had a consult with him and he showed me some info about SRS from his prior institute, and he said he's performed SRS somewhere between (iirc) 50 to 120 times. However, googling him gives basically zero hits other than his professional pages. He also told me that peritoneal pull-through SRS would have to wait until 2024, because the hospital is still setting up their new facility for it. A new facility means new equipment, but it also reinforces that question of experience. There are some pros to this surgeon (he's covered by my insurance, I wouldn't have to fly, I saw him for orchi and found him very professional and kind). But I'm also quite concerned that having a lack of online info about him means it's hard to really know what I'd be getting into. If I'm making a list of surgeons to consider for SRS, do you think the lack of online info about him would be disqualifying? I have a follow-up consult with him coming up--are there any specific questions I should ask that would make or break him as a candidate?
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Sep 25, 2023 18:16
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Cephas posted:I'm researching different surgeons in my area and I have a question for anyone who might have knowledge on the subject of SRS. I would personally find it disqualifying since there's no way for me to actually tell the results that he's promising. Does he have any sort of physical documentation of the surgeries (e.g., a picture book?). This would be extremely old-fashioned but without being able to see the results, I wouldn't go. My surgeon has been extremely open having an online presence, so it was easy for me to see her work and feel I could trust her.
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Sep 28, 2023 19:13
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My surgeon didn't have much of an online presence, but during the consultation the nurse litterally brought a book of photos from past surgeries. It was.... weird, but reassuring.
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Sep 29, 2023 05:20
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I guess SRS is more of an artform than... idk what to call them, various internal surgeries... and has crossover with cosmetic/reconstructive surgery? It doesn't just have to work, it also needs to be aesthetically suitable.
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Sep 29, 2023 05:30
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I grew up in the Roma cuIture (weII, one of the Roma cuItures, there are huge differences between different tribes and even different cIans), do you want to hear about some gender stuff that does, but aIso does not, fit under what we wouId caII trans today? PreferabIy without any judgement of course
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Sep 29, 2023 11:24
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Yes.
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Sep 29, 2023 12:43
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Absolutely yes, that sounds fascinating
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Sep 29, 2023 13:00
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Please! The more points of view, the better.
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Sep 29, 2023 14:41
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BattyKiara posted:I grew up in the Roma cuIture (weII, one of the Roma cuItures, there are huge differences between different tribes and even different cIans), do you want to hear about some gender stuff that does, but aIso does not, fit under what we wouId caII trans today? PreferabIy without any judgement of course I want to be less of an idiot about cultures I have never had contact with; any and all Roma information would be appreciated.
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Sep 29, 2023 16:39
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BattyKiara posted:I grew up in the Roma cuIture (weII, one of the Roma cuItures, there are huge differences between different tribes and even different cIans), do you want to hear about some gender stuff that does, but aIso does not, fit under what we wouId caII trans today? PreferabIy without any judgement of course Definitely post the trans adjacent stuff here, but maybe it would also be a cool thread on its own? As a European, I'm sure I have some unrealised anti Roma sentiments that I need to have beaten out of me.
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Sep 29, 2023 19:46
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Cishet man trying to learn how to be an ally here. I have a young family member whom I believe has been experiencing dysphoria for a few years now but it's probably coming to a head as they approach high school graduation and moving on to college. I don't think they're expecting a ton of support from most of the family but I want to make sure they know I'm unquestionably ready to be there, all the way up to taking them into my household if it ever came to it (probably won't). We're not super close but have a very tight bond (despite a 20 year age gap) if that makes sense. They already know I'm an ally in general I think, but don't know that I know about their gender struggle. So I want them to know with confidence I'm ready to roll whenever they do come out. So I guess I'm curious to know from trans/nb folks here if and how you knew which of your friends or family wouldn't bat an eye when you shared your transition with them. Other than just being good supportive family and friends, were there behaviors, language, stuff that told you "Cousin Henry will absolutely have my back in this, no question?" I'm really worried about them, they're not in a good part of the world for this, and in my eyes they're in many ways still a kid. It's scary being a teenager anyway, I can't imagine how much worse it is in the wrong body/persona/identity.
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Oct 20, 2023 06:20
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HenryJLittlefinger posted:Cishet man trying to learn how to be an ally here. Bless you. This is very sweet. I don't know how or even if you can unequivocally signal something like this to a gender diverse teen to the extent that it would prompt them to come out to you. Coming out is - for most people - the most terrifying thing we ever do, and while we often end up looking back and thinking 'drat, why did I leave it so long, I had {people} I should have known I can count on.' For many, those early sources of support are tremendously valuable, and if it's one family member out of a whole bunch it can be even more so. But even so, during that early phase, it's often very difficult to see outside of our internal questions and fears. I would say that being conspicuously vocal about your allyship is probably the main thing you can do. As well as maybe emphasising that they are welcome any time - just in a generic sense, not being too heavy handed with the 'if you're queer I've got your back' stuff. They'll make the connections.
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Oct 20, 2023 10:45
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Question for those who have had or will have surgery: when you pass a road sign that advertises "junk removal" do you kind of laugh and go  ? Or does it just not register, or cause anxiety, or something else altogether?I know it might sound flippant, but every time I see one I'm at least a little amused, so I'm just curious about thoughts from people who have, in fact, had "junk removal" services performed.
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Oct 21, 2023 07:43
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Volmarias posted:Question for those who have had or will have surgery: when you pass a road sign that advertises "junk removal" do you kind of laugh and go only when its a truck from this company that puts a 3d graphics waifu on all their poo poo http://www.angelsjunkremoval.com/
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Oct 21, 2023 07:52
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Ohtori Akio posted:only when its a truck from this company that puts a 3d graphics waifu on all their poo poo http://www.angelsjunkremoval.com/ Oh my God the videos Junk Removal 
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Oct 21, 2023 08:06
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Did you know right away that you had gender dysphoria or did you ever think you had more of a general body dysmorphia?
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Dec 5, 2023 21:39
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grittyreboot posted:Did you know right away that you had gender dysphoria or did you ever think you had more of a general body dysmorphia? It was always gender dysphoria for me. I didn't even make the connection that gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia were related until much later.
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Dec 5, 2023 21:57
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In your op, you mentioned you hated having sex and boners as a male. When you started to transition, before your surgery ( Sorry I don't know how to ask tactfully) You're posts didn't mention what gender you are currently attracted to. Not that it matters. What I'm curious about is how / what your dating life was before. However for the context of my question it does. If you are attracted to males, did you stick to oral and anal sex ? If you are attracted to females, were they understanding of boners/ ejaculation?
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Dec 31, 2023 17:57
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joebuddah posted:If you are attracted to females, were they understanding of boners/ ejaculation? I'm attracted to females, but from a sex standpoint I'm not very experienced. What little sex I've had has either been with a cis woman, or with another trans woman. So they were pretty understanding, all things considered.
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Dec 31, 2023 18:26
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Frozen Peach posted:I'm attracted to females, but from a sex standpoint I'm not very experienced. What little sex I've had has either been with a cis woman, or with another trans woman. So they were pretty understanding, all things considered. Thank you for your response.
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Dec 31, 2023 21:52
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Space Kablooey posted:I want to pluck this in specific because that matches my experience to a T but I want to add in a little something else. I'm curious about what some of these introspection exercises were like. Would you be willing to share? I've got some questions for myself I think are waiting in the wings, based on how it feels reading this thread and the Gender Dysphoria Bible
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Feb 7, 2024 23:31
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I just want to say thank you for this thread - it's been educational.
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Feb 9, 2024 22:58
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