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my cat is norris posted:What is the biggest thing I can do to be an ally and support system to my husband, who has started the process of transitioning into a woman? Husband in question; I'm very fortunate that I haven't had nearly the same level of distress as some trans people have experienced with my personal image/existence, but it's also still a daunting situation with a lot of different variables and ways things can go, and I'm not only having to learn about trans things but also feminine fashion and presentation. Taking off the burden of half of that stuff with feedback or suggestions is huge. Greg12 posted:What does it feel like to realize you're trans? To be trans before you realize it? Before you know trans exists? How do you know, and how's it different from just thinking that parts or all of the gender role assigned-at-birth don't interest you? Adding my own thing to this in case it helps someone, since I feel like the experience I've had isn't the kind that's heard a lot: Before I hit puberty and shot up to 6'4" while my voice dropped down to moletown, I was constantly mistaken for a girl. I didn't mind it at all, even though it led to teasing and bullying a lot from other kids. But I also didn't hate being called a boy, either? I was annoyed that men's hygiene products were always nondescript scents like "arctic breeze" or "woodland chill" or whatever while women got flowers and fruits that smelled distinct, but I dealt with it when my family said "you're a man, you need to have manly things". When my family put me into a kids' production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, I got cast as Francis Flute and actually enjoyed that. For those who don't know, he's a man in a group of mechanics who's forced into the role of Thisbe in the play-within-a-play performance of the Greek romance, Pyramus and Thisbe; their performance is comedic and really bad for the most part, until the final act where Francis really connects with the role and puts his whole heart into the last monologue. So, I got exposed to a LOT of this really early on just by happenstance, and then puberty hit and it was Man Time, and I never really got a chance to think about it ever again. I did, however, always have a dissatisfaction with how I looked in a way I couldn't really place. I got called handsome, but I never could see it myself. I tried a lot of things, but it was always in the confines of what was expected of someone masculine. I was also in a really abusive home situation for most of it, so I didn't have the mental space to even start considering more feminine things. But I did have the internet, and video games. In video games and play-by-post roleplaying, I did absolutely everything I could to not be a humanoid man. I didn't try being female, but I knew, given the choice, I never wanted to present as male. So I went with dinosaurs and robots and monsters and whatever else I could find, and if I was forced into being a human-ish male, then it had better be a setting with cool monsters or something in it so I can have something else to look at. I would see other guys say things like "I play a female character because if I'm gonna stare at someone's butt, it should be one I want to look at" and I never really felt that way myself, so it seemed like playing monsters was the only option for me to project on a character. Then in my early 20s I discovered the Touhou games, notable for having a 99% female cast of just...people, and it was eye-opening. Suddenly I found so many human-ish female characters with a range of looks and personalities that weren't there for ogling purposes, and on top of that the gameplay was fun and challenging and the music was fantastic so I really wanted to play the games outside of them having a female cast. I found some roleplaying communities for the games, and since I didn't have a choice, I played a female character for the first time and it was...nice? It was definitely the first time I felt properly connected to a character and engaged with them. Then I made female characters in games and found that I enjoyed customizing them and making outfits for them way more. Then I started almost exclusively playing female characters by default. Still, I didn't really know about trans being a thing. I knew about men who presented with feminine styles, but I knew that didn't appeal to me. I liked painting my nails and wearing dangly earrings, but I didn't feel like anything else "worked" for me as a man. Once I moved and got married and had more space to actually think about these things, I realized that I'd feel better about myself with things like "having long hair I can style and braid" and "having breasts and hips." It took way longer to settle in that I didn't have to just project onto fictional characters, but that I could start making myself what I wanted to be. Especially the fact that I didn't have to hate myself or be certain that I wanted to go through hormone therapy to start identifying as transgender. Anyway it was a really long process and it's still kind of weird, but it's the first time I've ever felt legitimately good about my appearance instead of just good enough, so I'll keep working on it.
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Dec 15, 2022 04:11
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| # ¿ May 21, 2024 23:18 |
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