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Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022
Many of these are taught. I preferred some from the beginning of my memory, had some of those conditioned out of me during childhood and adolescence, and needed to learn some others during transition.

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Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Neuronyx posted:

The dysphoria thing sounds horrible to me but I don't suffer from it.

But i'm tired of being whatever I am.

I can't stand breathing.

Lol.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Neuronyx posted:

Assuming dysphoria means I feel like a woman in a man's body then what I said stands.


Frozen Peach posted:

Dysphoria is everything you mentioned.

Just because it's not gender dysphoria, doesn't make it not dysphoria. Also, you can be enby. You can be a femboy. You can be a demigirl. There's all sorts of identities that aren't just binary masculine and feminine.

This. You said you're not dysphoric then outlined the definition of the word 'dysphoria', of which there are many kinds.

It may even be gender dysphoria. You do not need to have a specific vision of a gender role or expression you would enjoy a lot, to feel deeply uncomfortable with the one you were assigned. You may not even be able to place the specific discomfort yet. I, personally, would have typed a very similar thing to what you did, maybe like five or six years ago. That is not to say that you are me, but there is something going on inside you which you should address.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022
I don't see gender as an ontological fact. I navigate the world as a post-pubertal transitioned trans woman, and my preferred gender role is that of a woman. My preferred gender role has been that of a woman or girl my entire life, and being forced into a different one caused me a great deal of harm.

Because you mentioned reassignment surgery, it is worth understanding that it is extremely expensive and stressful on your body, with a significant complication risk; for that reason and others, many people (like me) did not go through the most famous and invasive version.

tmi: I got an orchiectomy, removal of the testes, which simplifies hormone therapy, makes clothes fit better, and lessens my physical dysphoria to a very tolerable level. I have had friends opt for "shallow" vaginoplasty, which avoids many of the risk and inconveniences of full-depth vaginoplasty. Others need full-depth vaginoplasty to reduce physical dysphoria to a tolerable level, and they find a way to afford this. Other trans women simply do not get bottom surgery. Other surgeries may be more important than "bottom" surgery, depending on the person. A trans-masculine person could share what the surgical landscape is like for people like them.

I've been bi since I noticed I had a sexuality. Whether a given relationship is gay depends on whether I want to own that person at a given point in time.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022
Actually, this thread started off with a v'plasty trip report. So here's an orchi trip report.

:nms:

I got a consult with a local urologist, who asked me to get letters from a psychologist and my primary care doctor verifying my diagnosis of gender dysphoria. We also discussed the details of the surgery: approach through the scrotum or the abdominal wall, basically, and whether I wanted the skin of the scrotum reduced. (Most surgeons do not want to do the abdominal-wall approach, I thought I wanted it, she talked me out of it.) After that, I got her those letters, and we scheduled a surgery date a couple months in the future.

Day of surgery was very undramatic. Went to a local hospital, had like five different providers come to me in the prep room and ask if I knew exactly what the surgery was, to explain it in my own words, etc. I'm sure it's standard procedure for any unreversible surgery. I made it to the OR, went under, woke up with the operation complete and a sutured bandaged incision where the offending orbs used to be. Went home same day.

Altogether I was out of pocket like four, five grand? An order of magnitude less than a v'plasty.

I laid around and did very little for a few days, changed the bandages for a few days. A couple weeks later I was flying out to an anime convention, and was only mildly inconvenienced walking everywhere.

Genital dysphoria slain.

:nms:

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Antivehicular posted:

Stupid question, but your wording made me wonder: are shallow vaginoplasties more affordable than full-depth? I understand that a full-depth is a more medically involved procedure (and presumably demands more surgical expertise, which, $$$), but I'd have assumed a lot of complexity and cost would be about the same.

It costs less, but I couldn't tell you by how much. I was never very interested in it.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

my cat is norris posted:

What is the biggest thing I can do to be an ally and support system to my husband, who has started the process of transitioning into a woman?

Pronouns are not yet altered. He hasn't decided on a new name. Afaik, surgery isn't on the books, but hair removal and hormone therapy likely will be. I think! He's very early into this, but is experimenting with fashion, wigs, and a silicone breast plate. I want to be as prepared and as helpful as possible, but this is all incredibly new and somewhat intimidating to me, and I really don't always know how to act or think or even feel about things! I'm not scared about the future of our relationship, but I just don't know enough about the transgender community or what transgender people go through. I have trans friends and friends-of-friends but I could really use some additional insights.

Any good resources you could recommend for someone in my position?

A lot of good advice so far.

I think the best resource you can personally have as the process plays out is equanimity and patience. You seem very well-equipped and supportive, which is a great sign. The process typically changes and stresses people, generally including loved ones. Just be ready for that.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Cephas posted:

Does anyone have a perspective on why they did or did not take the plunge and go from an orchiectomy to full-on SRS?

I had my orchi last month (!!) and it's been really wonderful. The same surgeon does SRS, and I'm meeting with him in a couple days for a follow-up. I'm hoping I can ask him for more details about SRS then (last time I talked to him, he went over a lot of the broad details and said that he would have powerpoints and diagrams to show me).

I'm at a kind of crossroads in my life right now, where I currently am financially stable enough and have good health insurance, so I can afford to take some time to recover from SRS and pay off the insured cost. But if I put SRS on hold and go to grad school, it may be many years before I have the same kind of stability and security in my life. So I kind of feel pressured to make a decision this year as to whether I want SRS or if I am satisfied with just an orchiectomy. On the other hand, the recovery process terrifies me on a deep and primal level.

I think the main thing I feel about my genitals at their current ball-yeeted status is that erections are still a pain, and I wish I just had a clitoris instead. The actual vagina... It'd be nice to have a functional one, but the process of healing along with dilation and complications is really, really, really scary to me. Maybe over time the status of my stuff down there will mellow out? (I don't even like saying/typing the words "my penis/dick/girldick"--it makes me feel bad. In my head I usually just refer to it as my clit. I feel like this is probably some sort of sign)

Also--zero depth SRS. Does anyone have insights?

Thank you friends. :palmon:

It's been really good to hear about your orchi going well. I've posted with you before about this but I figure someone browsing A/T might want to hear this perspective too.

I opted for orchiectomy, and have no plans to follow up with vulvoplasty (zero-depth) or vaginoplasty (full-depth). I considered each option, and would find them each affirming, but my perceived dysphoria from not having gone through these procedures (it is not zero) is less than the very significant inconvenience each would represent. They are major surgeries that disrupt your life, cost a lot of money, and come with serious inconveniences, so I chose the least invasive option which alleviated enough of my dysphoria.

How does that translate to your situation? Well, for one you experience vivid/severe dysphoric phenomena which I do not. That should weigh heavily on your mind. On the other hand, I think you'd have second thoughts about any decision you made thinking it was under the gun. You should decide what end state you want, weighed against what it would cost you to get there, and if the right time is now that's great, but it's not your last chance.

When I was considering further surgery, vulvoplasty was the closest to something I would pursue, because of perspectives I heard from other trans women about it lowering dysphoria and being much more convenient. Dilation really sounds like a bitch and a half. I hope we get a poster who's gone through vulvoplasty.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Cephas posted:

I can't overstate how happy my orchiectomy has made me, though. Like, I can just full-heartedly smile and say that I'm glad to be alive. In all my life I don't think I've been able to say that before the surgery.

Beaming with joy at this. You deserve it.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Hotel Kpro posted:

Is electrolysis the best thing for hair removal? Gf has been going for a few weeks now and it seems like the process is wearing her down

"The best thing" is relative. I did about 100 hours of electrolysis and it wore me down to nothing while not eradicating my facial hair. These days, I just hit up a laser for a round when things are getting bad. However, I am a good laser candidate and I do not need 100% eradication to get through my day to day. Electrolysis is the only truly permanent option for truly everybody, but it takes a long time, costs a lot of money, and is exceptionally painful.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022
Conceptualizing gender as an ontological state is not helpful for me. When I am referred to as a man it causes a deep-seated harmful pain called gender dysphoria. Meanwhile when I am referred to as a woman it feels normal. Same with the other aspects of taking up that gender role and presentation. Crossdressing men typically have something else going on, like performance art or making a point or having fun.

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Volmarias posted:

Question for those who have had or will have surgery: when you pass a road sign that advertises "junk removal" do you kind of laugh and go :hmmyes:? Or does it just not register, or cause anxiety, or something else altogether?

I know it might sound flippant, but every time I see one I'm at least a little amused, so I'm just curious about thoughts from people who have, in fact, had "junk removal" services performed.

only when its a truck from this company that puts a 3d graphics waifu on all their poo poo http://www.angelsjunkremoval.com/

Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022

Dans Macabre posted:

Oh I thought of a question, for people who are in the dating scene.

Do people generally indicate what genitals they have and what genitals they are looking for on a partner? Is that thing? Like if I wanted to date someone with a penis (but didn’t have a preference re their gender identity) would I say on my okcupid profile or whatever “penishavers only please”? Also, I don’t like the word penishaver because it makes me think it says penny-shaver. Thank you for your time.

This would generally come off weird and bad. Most people don't want to feel like they are being dated for their genitals. There would additionally be a concern that this person would be wanting to treat me and place me in a role corresponding to how they perceive my genitals.

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Ohtori Akio
Jul 15, 2022
Historically I have either dated friends I know well and talk about trans stuff with, or bisexuals who wouldn't actually care. So this hypothetical of a blind or app date leading to hookup with a distinct disclosure point is just not something I have experienced.

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