Ask me about how I transed my genders (NWS/NMS)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about how I transed my genders (NWS/NMS)

Kagon: Jan 25, 2005

My recommendation would be laser first and electrolysis if it doesn�t work (unless you�re required to do electrolysis for something like bottom surgery). From my experience, laser was significantly less painful and was over faster, while electrolysis pretty badly broke me based on the pain. I�m still doing it because of bottom surgery, but it�s truly a torturous process. If you�re not a good candidate for laser (e.g., lighter hair or darker skin), it�s a bit of a different analysis.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2023 23:45

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 18:01

Kagon: Jan 25, 2005

Gender to me is presenting and doing things that seem right to me. I�m a quite binary trans woman, so dressing feminine, being seen and treated as a woman etc. feel correct in a way that never did a single time prior to transition. It�s very much an oh yeah this actually makes sense and is sublimely satisfying with how it clicks. It�s a sort of day-to-day satisfaction that was never there before.

But I think gender is something that is truly experienced differently by everyone as a combined product of our identity, social spaces and interactions, etc.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2023 18:19

Kagon: Jan 25, 2005

BonHair posted:

Thanks for trying to take on my dumb question. I am hopefully learning.
The things I don't get are
1: if it's about gender roles, what's the difference between just being a cis man who doesn't want to "act like a man" and being a trans woman? Like, when I was at uni, I would sometimes wear a dress and I am definitely the person to bring cake to work and other stuff that's traditionally a woman's role. But to me, that's just saying gently caress you to patriarchy and gendered expectations and less about wanting to be "on the other team". Basically, I conform to my gender when I feel like it and also when I don't care, but whenever something traditionally manly feels bad, I try to avoid it. And then my actual gender feels less important than how I'm actually being perceived as a person, in the sense that I don't really care about what pronouns anyone uses for me, as long as I get to drink a pink cocktail and not watch sports.
I guess my main source of confusion is that the concept of gender, in my experience, has very little importance, and it's hard for me to understand why some people think it's important enough to (in some cases) undergo major surgery.

2: if gender dysphoria (as in, in those cases where it is) is about the actual physical body and parts, why do we need the sex/gender distinction? I realize that's probably a big can of worms though.

For #1, it's because I'm not a man. Tried (and failed) at it for years, but it fundamentally isn't who I am. It's not about flaunting gender roles, or patriarchy or anything like that- it was a creeping sense of unease and disgust that started when I was young (~4-5ish?), really amped up in puberty, and only got worse over time. It's not just necessarily an identity thing, but there are likely biological and genetic bases as well (e.g., if one identical twin is trans the other has a significantly higher chance to identify as trans too).

I think it's not just this aspect of not identifying as one thing but also my experience of everything clicking into place and the euphoria that came from identifying as a woman and being on the right hormones. That I feel was a very enlightening aspect for me immediately telling me yeah, this is the right path.

For #2, there are some important distinctions in terms of risk factors for various diseases and such, but I don't think sex ultimately matters outside of a doctor's office. Dysphoria can frequently take numerous different forms which may be unrelated to physical body/body parts, just as trans individuals can be trans without having gender dysphoria. It's a pretty complicated aspect when it comes to understanding how it works.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2023 01:06

Kagon: Jan 25, 2005

Cephas posted:

I'm researching different surgeons in my area and I have a question for anyone who might have knowledge on the subject of SRS.

The surgeon who did my orchi did his fellowship out in Oregon, and he moved to my city to set up as a gender-affirming care surgeon for the region. I've gotten a good vibe from him in all of my interactions, very kind and trustworthy. Earlier this year I had a consult with him and he showed me some info about SRS from his prior institute, and he said he's performed SRS somewhere between (iirc) 50 to 120 times. However, googling him gives basically zero hits other than his professional pages. He also told me that peritoneal pull-through SRS would have to wait until 2024, because the hospital is still setting up their new facility for it. A new facility means new equipment, but it also reinforces that question of experience.

There are some pros to this surgeon (he's covered by my insurance, I wouldn't have to fly, I saw him for orchi and found him very professional and kind). But I'm also quite concerned that having a lack of online info about him means it's hard to really know what I'd be getting into.

If I'm making a list of surgeons to consider for SRS, do you think the lack of online info about him would be disqualifying? I have a follow-up consult with him coming up--are there any specific questions I should ask that would make or break him as a candidate?

I would personally find it disqualifying since there's no way for me to actually tell the results that he's promising. Does he have any sort of physical documentation of the surgeries (e.g., a picture book?). This would be extremely old-fashioned but without being able to see the results, I wouldn't go. My surgeon has been extremely open having an online presence, so it was easy for me to see her work and feel I could trust her.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2023 19:13

Kagon: Jan 25, 2005

Dans Macabre posted:

I agree it seems totally weird. So how and when does it come up? Like on the date when you�re thinking you might hook up that evening?

Given the risk of violence, I would disclose before meeting in person. I�m not on the dating scene, but reactions people have when they find out you�re trans can be unpredictable.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2024 23:24

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