Cookfia 7: You'll Roux the Day

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > The Game Room > Cookfia 7: You'll Roux the Day

Maerlyn: Jun 29, 2003; Everything at once
the evil step-son

_{_{This av has been socialized, viva la Revolución}}

Hey Bif or Illu can you ask Cpig to describe this road trip we're gonna go on, it's not gonna end in my brutal murder is it?

# ? Nov 7, 2022 06:26

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# ? May 19, 2024 07:03

CapitalistPig: Nov 3, 2005; A Winner is you!

Maerlyn posted:

Hey Bif or Illu can you ask Cpig to describe this road trip we're gonna go on, it's not gonna end in my brutal murder is it?

Oh sorry, yeah I got excited because I mixed up a spice mix and it lets me take other players on a road trip. Don't worry it's a fun wholesome surprise and not death or anything like that. Just a fun bit of chaos.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 06:27

CapitalistPig: Nov 3, 2005; A Winner is you!

I used it right away but one of the spices in the mix was just bought and I forgot you have to wait til the next day.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 06:28

Bifauxnen: Aug 12, 2010; Curses! Foiled again!

Maerlyn posted:

Hey Bif or Illu can you ask Cpig to describe this road trip we're gonna go on, it's not gonna end in my brutal murder is it?

See if you can bring Opop with just in case

# ? Nov 7, 2022 07:09

Illusionis: Dec 12, 2011

Maerlyn posted:

Hey Bif or Illu can you ask Cpig to describe this road trip we're gonna go on, it's not gonna end in my brutal murder is it?

He promised he wasn't going to make pozole out of you.

##play with homunculus

# ? Nov 7, 2022 12:13

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

Illusionis posted:

He promised he wasn't going to make pozole out of you.

##play with homunculus

You decided to play red light, green light with your homunculus.

Oh dear!

# ? Nov 7, 2022 13:26

Illusionis: Dec 12, 2011

Umm... that's not good

# ? Nov 7, 2022 13:31

Maerlyn: Jun 29, 2003; Everything at once
the evil step-son

_{_{This av has been socialized, viva la Revolución}}

I don't think I want a homunculus anymore....

# ? Nov 7, 2022 14:22

Maerlyn: Jun 29, 2003; Everything at once
the evil step-son

_{_{This av has been socialized, viva la Revolución}}

Corn pudding - AN's recipe!

Bowl o' corn (and adjacent egg):

Add ritz crumbs, salt and pepper and mix:

Think it doesnt feel all that wet and realize I forgot the butter in the microwave! In it goes.

I forgot to get a pic in the pan before cooking but here it is after 45 mins, still pretty wet in the middle:

Finished!

It was 11 PM so left to cool overnight, I don't know if it should be refrigerated. It deflated a lot overnight.

Breakfast:

It tastes like cornflakes somewhat which makes sense with the crackers, it kind of grows on you after the first few bites but you have to really like corn and that particular texture/mouthfeel I think.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 14:44

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

Bifauxnen posted:

See if you can bring Opop with just in case

No I get car sick

# ? Nov 7, 2022 15:04

Illusionis: Dec 12, 2011

Bad boy, no setting up elaborate murder games to slaughter poor people ##lecture homunculus

# ? Nov 7, 2022 17:27

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

Illusionis posted:

Bad boy, no setting up elaborate murder games to slaughter poor people ##lecture homunculus

Your homunculus looks sufficiently chastened.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 18:16

Rhymes With Clue: Nov 18, 2010

##feed homunculus brown sugar

# ? Nov 7, 2022 19:06

CapitalistPig: Nov 3, 2005; A Winner is you!

##play with homunculus

# ? Nov 7, 2022 19:08

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

Rhymes With Clue posted:

##feed homunculus brown sugar

You toss a half empty bag of brown sugar you have to your homunculus. It snatches it out of the air, swallowing it, bag and all.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 19:21

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

CapitalistPig posted:

##play with homunculus

You spend a good 4 hours teaching your homunculus chess, it gets the way the pieces move down pretty quickly, but higher level chess theory seems to escape it.
Even so, it does manage to mate you in your final game. Good for it!

# ? Nov 7, 2022 19:22

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

Alright so it's time for The Bachelor Experience!

Since our last printing, we have received this wonderful story from one of our long-time readers, which we simply must reproduce in full for all of you:

quote:

Dear Bachelor Experience,

You have been an inspiration to me through so much of my life, I can't begin to thank you for helping me through so many of my ups and downs. While I haven't always been a bachelor, I have always loved reading your straightforward and honest recipes showing how single men who don't feel like working too hard actually cook and eat, and the letters from those who have struggled and overcome all sorts of challenges. I am writing today to tell you my own story, in the hopes that I can inspire bachelors all over, just as so many of the stories others have written inspired me. I could never have guessed that from tragedy could come such bounty as I have now experienced, and I don't want anyone to spend a second longer than necessary apart from seeing that even in the darkest tunnels a light at the end can appear when you least expect it.

My story starts about 10 years ago, about five years after I realized that my obsessions had driven everyone away from me. I couldn't talk to anyone without them getting bored, or making excuses, and then I'd never see them again. I gave up on romance, even friendship. Then one day, I realized a lovely cashier at the grocery store was... actually giving me looks that seemed different somehow! I couldn't bear to do anything more than check her name tag, Jessica, and mumbled my thanks as I got my items bagged and left. The next week came by, and the next, and it was only on the third week, after I read Jethro's lovely story in Volume #289, that I was able to muster the courage to talk to her a bit more. She didn't blow me off, and when I asked her a couple of weeks later if she'd go out with me she said yes!! I couldn't believe my luck at the time, I wasn't going to be a bachelor anymore!

It still wasn't a fairy tale, though; I had managed to keep my interests a little minimized, and this was making Jessica curious. It came to a head the week she invited me to her home; tastefully decorated, full of pictures of family and friends, and she almost seemed ready to invite me to bed when she said she HAD to see my place first because I was definitely hiding something from her. I burst into tears, I begged her for anything else; her eyes went wide but she insisted that whatever it was it would not stand between us unless I refused to tell her at all. So I took her to my house....

I love machinery. Specifically farming equipment, the way it turns over the soil, the power it exudes... it had fascinated me for so long that it was only when I began to really pick up on how others regarded it that I became ashamed of my fascination. My house was decorated with pictures of it all over. I was so nervous, ready to dissolve into misery at Jessica's potential reaction to this, when to my absolute surprise and joy, she exclaimed she'd never met another person like herself before, and shared a picture she kept safe in her purse whenever she needed cheering up of a marvelous beast. We agreed we belonged together immediately, and started getting everything needed for the wedding we'd soon have.

On the day of the honeymoon some six months later, we were traveling down the highway when we started approaching a semi carrying four top-of-the-line models! We had to get closer, and we got close enough that I started thinking of trying to jump onto the truck when my attention was caught by a loud SNAP as one of the ropes holding the vehicles in place broke. If I'd only not gotten so close, I'd have had more time... I managed to avoid the first, barely dodged the second, but the third and fourth together boxed me in.

I woke up after losing consciousness to see my lovely, darling Jessica with blood streaming down her face cough and weakly say, "don't blame them, it's not their fault" before closing her eyes for the rest of time. She was right, but I still couldn't look at any of the things I'd once cherished without breaking down in tears. I had to burn it all before I could finally feel normal again, and it took eight years of work before I finally got to my brilliant experience I relate to you today.

I'd finally found another wonderful woman, Jackie, this time while shopping for new shoes. It didn't take me quite as long to start down the trail together, thankfully, not least because I'd put tractors well and truly out of my mind in an effort to focus myself away from tragedy and back into life; our first date last night was at a jazz bar which seemed to fit her extremely classy style. But unfortunately, a lot of people were smoking and it caused her to have a terrible coughing fit. I was at a loss when suddenly I realized that it really is true that when one door closes, another opens. I took a huge breath and managed to suck in all the smoke, then walked quickly to the door leading outside and breathed it all out. She recovered instantly and asked in surprise, "That's incredible, I've never seen anybody do that before. How'd you pull it off?"

I replied with a dreamy smile on my face, "Easily, I'm an ex-tractor fan."

Today we're gonna be cooking this Chicken Parmesan adjacent recipe. Now I know it says "noodles" but I didn't have any spare packets of Maruchan to bust open and crack half off for this, so we're doing without. And yes, microwave cooking is actually cooking, take it up with the people who made microwave cooking cookbooks if you have a problem with that.

Gouda and Parmesan both come from cows, and Gouda and Parma, Italy are only a little over 500 miles apart from each other. And ketchup definitely is a tomato sauce.

The packaging says to do it for a minute, but my microwave wattage is a bit low so I get better results out of 90 seconds. I should have taken a picture of the breast but didn't! OH WELL. You'll just have to accept the picture of the unmelted cheese on top.

Finished product! Ketchup's sweet and a little overpowering, but overall still a good chicken parm-ish sandwich. Remember, if it doesn't kill you and it's on hand, it goes in!

# ? Nov 7, 2022 20:21

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

While I love the homunculus antics, please don't forget that deadline is in a couple hours! ##vote Voodoofly to get this in before I go to sleep. It's just too suspicious, and I don't buy his excuse for having been tracked to HCT.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 20:22

Hyper Crab Tank: Feb 10, 2014; The 16-bit retro-future of crustacean-based transportation

Yeah, I want to see if we're right about this. Ain't going to vote anyone else and maybe this way we can see the flip before 3 am. ##vote Voodoofly

# ? Nov 7, 2022 20:36

Voodoofly: Jul 3, 2002; Some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help

Is everyone in? I�ll vote myself once people get all their cooking done

# ? Nov 7, 2022 20:36

Voodoofly: Jul 3, 2002; Some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help

Eh never mind

##vote voodoofly

# ? Nov 7, 2022 20:37

votefinder: Jul 6, 2010; scoop scoop

Voodoofly...couldn't you have made better posts?

Votecount for Day 3
With 10 alive, it's 6 votes to execute. The current deadline is November 07th, 2022 at 10 p.m. EST -- that's in about 7 hours, 20 minutes.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 20:39

votefinder: Jul 6, 2010; scoop scoop

Votecount for Day 3

Voodoofly (6): Illusionis, Bifauxnen, Opopanax, Cloacamazing!, Hyper Crab Tank, Voodoofly

Rhymes With Clue (0): Opopanax, ~~Opopanax~~

Green Wing (0): Maerlyn, ~~Maerlyn~~, Bifauxnen, ~~Bifauxnen~~

Not Voting (4): CapitalistPig, Green Wing, Maerlyn, Rhymes With Clue

With 10 alive, it's 6 votes to execute. The current deadline is November 07th, 2022 at 10 p.m. EST -- that's in about 6 hours, 15 minutes.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 21:44

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

Voodoofly SCUM-aligned An Ethnic Meal (specifically, American) has been executed Day 3

In true Voodoo fashion, he put his recipe in an imgur album. In truer Voodoo fashion, it went viral somehow? In truest Voodoo fashion, he wants this to be taken as broadly as possible. Any ethnic meal will be accepted. No ethnicities excluded. The only rider I am including is that it must be food.

Voodoofly An Ethnic Meal (specifically, American) is worth 25 points.

Additionaly, due to the early hammer, the flash deal will remain up until 10PM EST tomorrow, even if the game day opens before then.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 21:48

Shellception: Oct 12, 2016; "I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think"

I have an ethnic meal but it ain't that American, if it counts it counts and if not it was delicious anyway so. Apologies to any Germans around.

We're doing brats with onion and beer. Also pictured, thyme, nutmeg, and paprika. Also not pictured, brown sugar or pepper.

Cut up brats. Throw into pan, until slighly brown. Take out brats.

Put a giant onion in. Add a couple spoonfuls of brown sugar to help it caramelize. Also add thyme and pepper and nutmeg and salt but not paprika since it'll burn. Cook until it's all golden and yummy.

Put brats back in. Add beer, also add paprika. Cook until it reduces to almost dry.

Serve with (boxed) mashed potatoes, enjoy an excessive meal.

# ? Nov 7, 2022 22:38

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

I feel obligated to make poutine but I have something better on tap for tomorrow night that's already marinating

# ? Nov 7, 2022 23:12

CapitalistPig: Nov 3, 2005; A Winner is you!

Oh good, another excuse to make noodles again.

# ? Nov 8, 2022 01:12

Rhymes With Clue: Nov 18, 2010

##feed homunculus oregano

Nothing like oregano in a toffe homunculus, right? Good boy Frunk.

# ? Nov 8, 2022 02:28

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

Only food posts at night please.

# ? Nov 8, 2022 02:52

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

Pozole! I forgot to soak the hominy overnight so I just had it soaking since this morning, then added it in during the simmer rather than just before like the recipe said. Pretty good, if I make it again I'd spice it a little more and maybe add beans, that's about it though

# ? Nov 8, 2022 02:53

Maerlyn: Jun 29, 2003; Everything at once
the evil step-son

_{_{This av has been socialized, viva la Revolución}}

I'm glad we're allowed to be loose with the definition of ethnic food because this is "Mexican-inspired" cuisine from that beloved restaurant Taco Bell. I decided to make a home version of Crunchwrap Supremes.

Brown your beef, I used a taco seasoning packet but season like you prefer:

You need two tortillas and a tostada shell per crunchwrap. Take the tostada and trace the outline on a tortilla, remove and set aside.

Scoop ground beef on large tortilla, top with nacho cheese sauce and tostada shell, then sour cream spread on shell. Top tostada with lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese and the small tortilla round

Fold it together tightly on top and flip over. Apparently I made a mistake here, I could have steamed the tortillas a bit and they would have folded better and possibly held together more nicely.

Sigh in agony as it falls apart before your eyes. The "best one" was the first which the oil was too hot and it burned but at least it held together. The rest opened upon flipping.

A friend came over too but is gluten free, so I made her little grilled tacos with almond flour tortillas.

Mine may have been the best of the batch but it was undercooked because I was afraid of it burning. Tasted good though:

Follow up dinner with a classic Italian cocktail:

# ? Nov 8, 2022 04:15

Bifauxnen: Aug 12, 2010; Curses! Foiled again!

Man that's making me crave some cheap Taco Bell rn. We have one here in Brisbane but I never bother going cause it's not as cheap over here, so why bother when you can go to GYG instead.

Also they don't even have double decker tacos!

Incidentally, my favourite Taco Bell thing to make at home is double-decker tacos

# ? Nov 8, 2022 05:18

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Shellception posted:

I have an ethnic meal but it ain't that American, if it counts it counts and if not it was delicious anyway so. Apologies to any Germans around.

We're doing brats with onion and beer. Also pictured, thyme, nutmeg, and paprika. Also not pictured, brown sugar or pepper.

Cut up brats. Throw into pan, until slighly brown. Take out brats.

Put a giant onion in. Add a couple spoonfuls of brown sugar to help it caramelize. Also add thyme and pepper and nutmeg and salt but not paprika since it'll burn. Cook until it's all golden and yummy.

Put brats back in. Add beer, also add paprika. Cook until it reduces to almost dry.

Serve with (boxed) mashed potatoes, enjoy an excessive meal.

Aww, I was going to make Bratwurst!

# ? Nov 8, 2022 07:15

Shellception: Oct 12, 2016; "I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think"

Cloacamazing! posted:

Aww, I was going to make Bratwurst!

Go for it, I don't think there is a rule against repeating food. I literally had those in the fridge and yesterday was a crazy day due to water leak repairs so I was being very lazy at lunch lol

Comedy option, I can fish for some Spanish Ethnic recipe and do a tradeoff

# ? Nov 8, 2022 08:40

Shellception: Oct 12, 2016; "I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think"

Also I'm totally doing CPig's Korean rice cakes recipe at some point, had those in a local Korean restaurant and they are nothing short of awesome, and that recipe looks freaking amazing.

# ? Nov 8, 2022 08:48

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Shellception posted:

Go for it, I don't think there is a rule against repeating food. I literally had those in the fridge and yesterday was a crazy day due to water leak repairs so I was being very lazy at lunch lol

Comedy option, I can fish for some Spanish Ethnic recipe and do a tradeoff

I'll take that trade! Already picked out a replacement for the ethnic recipe. It's... special, I can promise you that.

# ? Nov 8, 2022 09:13

Shellception: Oct 12, 2016; "I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think"

Cloacamazing! posted:

I'll take that trade! Already picked out a replacement for the ethnic recipe. It's... special, I can promise you that.

Hell yeah!

# ? Nov 8, 2022 10:22

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

I call foul on Never Fail Chicken, mine failed.

I was getting ready to cook it, had all my spices out and some broccoli for a side. And when I pulled out my chicken, it smelled rancid. So I scrapped the whole dish before it started.

False Advertising!

My next failure will be posted this afternoon I think. Can't win 'em all I guess.

# ? Nov 8, 2022 15:51

saladscooper: Jan 25, 2019; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Grandicap posted:

I call foul on Never Fail Chicken, mine failed.

I was getting ready to cook it, had all my spices out and some broccoli for a side. And when I pulled out my chicken, it smelled rancid. So I scrapped the whole dish before it started.

False Advertising!

My next failure will be posted this afternoon I think. Can't win 'em all I guess.

rancidity is just another spice. cowardice

# ? Nov 8, 2022 16:17

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# ? May 19, 2024 07:03

Shellception: Oct 12, 2016; "I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think"

I made blurry chicken!

Mine did not fail. Got some wings and thigs, cleaned them as well as I could, and set them in a tray.

I made a dressing with the leftover chili sauce from pozole, some rosemary, thyme and oregano, olive oil and salt and painted it all over.

Then it sat in the fridge for several hours. Stepdad added white wine to it (if it goes in the oven and is not sweet, it gets whitewined, no way around it) got it in the oven and cooked it, so we came home to an amazing smell .

It's not spicy, but it's tasty, sauce gave it a soft spice touch that goes really well. Would have needed even more chili.

# ? Nov 8, 2022 16:29

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