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The thing they don’t tell you about immortality is that it sucks rear end. Take it from me, I’m thousands of years old and I would not recommend it. You’re still basically the same human physiologically, more or less, except without the aging part. You have the memory capacity for one lifetime. Fun fact, when I started out people would live about 30-40 years, so the thing where old people lose their memory wasn’t a big problem back then. My point is, try to fit a few thousand years of memories into your brain and you’re going to forget 99% of it. How old am I? I don’t know. We didn’t have dates back then, you just had to count. I lost count a long time ago, and I’ve been lying to people about my age for so long that I can’t even remember what year I’m telling them anymore. My guess is about 6000 years, give or take. Sure, I’ve been married. I lost count of those too. Maybe once every couple of centuries. Marriages were not quite so formal at the beginning. You got with a chick and next thing you know she was sleeping next to your fire and that was it. I don’t remember any of their names or faces anymore. I do remember that they do not take it well when they age and you don’t. No, I didn’t witness any interesting historical events. I was hanged by some Romans or Greeks. They eventually let me go but they branded my rear end. One time crusaders killed my entire family. Another time I was enslaved by muslim warlords. I’ve been mostly trying to avoid conflicts since then. And yes, I am 5’2. That was pretty tall back a few millennia ago. These days I’m supposedly a short king. I still look 25 so I have to know these things or else I can’t talk to anyone. Hanging out with recent college grads who think I’m their bro is the worst. Oh, where did I go to school? University of Ur, I majored in Assyrian Studies. Your day to day problems are so boring to me. Soon you will be dead and I’ll forget your name and face and everything else about you. I tried to keep a journal. Now I have like 3 dozen volumes in Aramaic, Greek, Arabic, and some language I don’t even recognize. I don’t remember how to speak any of those languages anymore. I have no idea where I was born or when. I have to keep inventing new identities every few year, getting new friends, avoiding people I previously knew. There’s a lot of packing up and starting over involved. Even if you meet people who are cool with it they’ll just die. Also nobody is cool with it. They all have some bizarre thing they’re fascinated with like, like whether I met jesus or if my sperm dies after I bust. I didn’t and I don’t know. What was I saying? Right, living forever is like that move groundhogs day except every day you get a new cast and everyone from yesterday is dead. So if you have the option, I suggest not living forever. PS: I wrote the script for highlander to see if it would bring out any other immortals. So far nothing. I had nothing to do with the second one.
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Oct 21, 2022 07:06
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| # ? May 3, 2024 10:00 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jtpf8N5IDE
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Oct 21, 2022 07:08
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Immortal problems: everything rusts or cracks eventually. You basically can’t keep anything nice unless it’s a stone or made of gold.
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Oct 21, 2022 07:13
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I have a question for you: Was there a connection between the angels in The Prophecy and the immortals of Highlander? A working theory my friends and I had were that immortals of Highlander were actually reincarnated angels/devils who fought in the war in Heaven. Also, how did you feel when Legion came out? Do you think it was inspired by The Prophecy?
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Oct 21, 2022 07:49
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talking a poo poo every day or every other day. forever
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Oct 21, 2022 07:54
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What would happen if you were to get shot in the head?
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Oct 21, 2022 07:57
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And yes, I am 5’2. That was pretty tall back a few millennia ago. These days I’m supposedly a short king. hows the short on everything else working out for you king?
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Oct 21, 2022 08:01
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roomtone posted:talking a poo poo every day or every other day. It's the best part of being alive, binch.
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Oct 21, 2022 08:20
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If you've been branded, then you could be tatted, right? I think you should get some cool tattoos to help you remember things. You can use them to get into the Pen 15 club, which is where other cool immortals hang out. Also you should keep a cum jug, just for fun. And how has it been, working in the world's oldest profession? Can you make me some new horseshoes? Have you ever gone into the ocean do you know the wolf man have you ever been in an airplane
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Oct 21, 2022 08:26
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I mean, think of all the sorrow you would take on, outliving people. Like generations, gone, all the memories. There has to be a limit so the sorrow isn’t overwhelming. Research shows that people generally want to live to about 170 years old, even 30-40 years past biological fertility. Just a matter of setting the sleeping giant, collective opinion.
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Oct 21, 2022 08:38
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OP so senile he conflates life expectancy at birth with the average lifespan of adults. Just because a whole of babies died aged zero in those days doesn't mean 30 was some kind of ripe old age that adults died at.
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Oct 21, 2022 09:24
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I don't even want to live now, why would I want to do it forever?
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Oct 21, 2022 09:42
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i don't remember poo poo from last week so living forever sounds cool i could just watch the same tv show every 5 years like i do now forever
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Oct 21, 2022 09:48
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jim plays such good pranks on dwight boy howdy
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Oct 21, 2022 09:48
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I lived forever once.
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Oct 21, 2022 09:58
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have y'all seen the jinx? hope they get that robert durst before he dies of being a billion years old
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Oct 21, 2022 10:01
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What is going to happen to you when the sun swallows the Earth?
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Oct 21, 2022 10:30
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The Management posted:The thing they don’t tell you about immortality is that it sucks rear end. Take it from me, I’m thousands of years old and I would not recommend it. Actual immortals don’t mention how old they are, because it’s not really a factor. Liar spotted
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Oct 21, 2022 10:37
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Thr idea that I one day will die terrifies me. Give me immortality any day.
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Oct 21, 2022 10:46
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I saw that movie. It was really good. the man from earth
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Oct 21, 2022 10:54
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This reminds me of a short story I read where a scientist accidentally gives immortality to a barely literate Glaswegian hooker and she lives for millions of years on her own, even long enough for all remnants of humanity to vanish, aliens to arrive and start a new civilisation which she also outlives, and the only thing she really does is complain about how her teeth hurt and she’s bored of being alive but can’t kill herself because she’s immortal.
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Oct 21, 2022 11:01
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PokeJoe posted:have y'all seen the jinx? hope they get that robert durst before he dies of being a billion years old he died this year op
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Oct 21, 2022 11:12
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he got what he deserved, being dead. i can't wait to learn he died again in the future, when i forget
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Oct 21, 2022 11:13
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Torquemada posted:This reminds me of a short story I read where a scientist accidentally gives immortality to a barely literate Glaswegian hooker and she lives for millions of years on her own, even long enough for all remnants of humanity to vanish, aliens to arrive and start a new civilisation which she also outlives, and the only thing she really does is complain about how her teeth hurt and she’s bored of being alive but can’t kill herself because she’s immortal. i bet shes a pretty good hooker after all that time. its the little things
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Oct 21, 2022 11:14
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Torquemada posted:This reminds me of a short story I read where a scientist accidentally gives immortality to a barely literate Glaswegian hooker and she lives for millions of years on her own, even long enough for all remnants of humanity to vanish, aliens to arrive and start a new civilisation which she also outlives, and the only thing she really does is complain about how her teeth hurt and she’s bored of being alive but can’t kill herself because she’s immortal. So did she do hooker stuff with the aliens or what?
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Oct 21, 2022 11:24
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Mooey Cow posted:So did she do hooker stuff with the aliens or what? You know, I don’t think she did? I think she’d accepted that anything that happened was basically irrelevant to her, because nothing was going to last long enough to matter to her in any way, including thousand year old civilisations.
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Oct 21, 2022 11:50
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you know if i thought i'd never die i'd lose the fear of syphilis
PokeJoe fucked around with this message at 11:59 on Oct 21, 2022 |
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Oct 21, 2022 11:54
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Confusedslight posted:Thr idea that I one day will die terrifies me. Give me immortality any day. whats your plan for the end of the universe after having countless loved ones die also theres no more video games or pot
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Oct 21, 2022 12:23
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OP, dry humorist or ranting raving schizo? You be the judge.  
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Oct 21, 2022 13:16
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nm
poronty fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Oct 21, 2022 |
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Oct 21, 2022 13:46
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnUOpQR4esw
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Oct 21, 2022 13:49
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Floating in the cold featureless void, the heat death of the universe nearly done, when a Boltzmann brain spontaneously appears near me. But it can’t speak to me as my first companionship in eons for it has no means to 
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Oct 21, 2022 14:00
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Just jump into a black hole when you get bored, you won't die and you might get a light years' long spaghetti dick
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Oct 21, 2022 14:23
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdCB9yE9Hcc
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Oct 21, 2022 14:27
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You Are A Elf posted:Floating in the cold featureless void, the heat death of the universe nearly done, when a Boltzmann brain spontaneously appears near me. Here's your brain floating in the void, in a Mi-go cylinder:  It looks like those naughty aliens forgot all about you (or died from the creeping cosmic cold)! Oh dear, you will never have sensory attachments connected to your cylinder again. But take, err, cold comfort in the fact that you can imagine all the demons you want in your mind's eye (like you imagined the "Boltzmann brain"), as you quickly escalate into stark, staring madness. Thoughts & prayers. And I hope you have a god to pray to, other than the Great Old Ones. BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 14:40 on Oct 21, 2022 |
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Oct 21, 2022 14:38
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Permanent madness isn't so bad imo just let go of the ego and then it's just a cool show
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Oct 21, 2022 14:43
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What is the biggest dump you've ever taken
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Oct 21, 2022 14:44
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Biggest in what sense? Length, weight, apperance, volume?
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Oct 21, 2022 14:45
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About 2 kilos
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Oct 21, 2022 14:46
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Like objectively speaking what is the bigger dook, a 4 gallon bucket of diarrhea or a medium sized turd?
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Oct 21, 2022 14:48
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