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 Hello and welcome to the Portugal thread. But what is a Portugal and why should you care? Well, let's find out together.  From this map we can see that in essence Portugal is a low-effort bit of world-building after somebody pointed out that having all of Iberia be one big country would be "boring." So they chopped out a little rectangle in the south-west and named it Portugal after the port of Porto because of their profound national fondness for seamen. In the following centuries, sexy sexy seamen flooded the globe in the Age of Exploration, bringing wealth and status to this funny little quadrilateral of land on the edge of Europe. Perhaps most notably in 1500 the area which would later be known as Brazil (a famously sexy country to this day) was claimed for Portugal, but this period also saw colonies established in Africa, Asia, and several small islands. Since the 1970s nearly all of these overseas possessions have become independent, with the exception of the Atlantic islands of Madeira and the Azores. What does any of this have to do with footing the balls? Portugal is a relatively small nation, with a population of somewhere around ten million people. However, they are generally considered one of the stronger footballing nations in Europe and the world, thanks at least in part to their colonial history and ability to draw on players from their former empire. For example, Portugal's best ever finish in the World Cup was in 1966 when they placed third, with a team led by legendary striker Eusébio who was born in what is now Mozambique. A number of current squad players were also born outside Portugal, such as William Carvalho (Angola) and Pepe (Brazil) And remember those islands that are still part of Portugal? Well, on the 5th of February 1985, in the city of Funchal on the island of Madeira, this man was born:  *actual size Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro, or "Ronald" as he is affectionately known in these parts, is inarguably one of the greatest footballers in history. His list of records and achievements is too long to go into here, but as a quick overview he has scored more international goals than any other player, won the Ballon d'Or award for the best player in the world five times, quite possibly scored more professional football goals overall than any other player (depending on how you count them), won the Champions League five times,and led Portugal to victory in the 2016 European Football Championship. Following our sexy sex theme, he also [REDACTED] Perhaps the one thing missing from Ronald's medal haul is a World Cup, and at the age of 37 this is quite possibly his last chance. It wouldn't be beyond the realms of credibility for him to turn up in MexiCanadAmerica 2026, but his powers are definitely on the wane and even his remarkable drive and dedication to the sport must end somewhere. Who else is in the squad? Average Lettuce posted:https://twitter.com/selecaoportugal/status/1590759295523905537 What are their chances? Ehhhh... middling at best, to be honest. Their group has four teams who would all be considered at least decent, with no obvious minnows.  v. Ghana 24/11 16:00 v. Uruguay 28/11 19:00 v. South Korea 02/12 15:00 Portugal and Uruguay are favourites to progress, but Ghana and South Korea will both be dangerous opponents. And topping the group is likely to be important, because the second-placed team from Group H will play the winners of Group G in the second round, and that is likely to be Brazil, the outright tournament favourites. So ideally Portugal would win the group and play the runners-up from that group instead, setting up a potential quarter-final against probably either Spain or Germany. Then a semi-final which could well be against the reigning world champions France, and then whoever they meet in the final is also likely to be a huge challenge. One intriguing possibility would be a showdown with Argentina, led by Ronald's long-term rival and fellow GOAT candidate Lionel Messi who is also nearing the end of his career still lacking a World Cup medal from his trophy cabinet. But realistically, this is not a vintage Portugal side, requiring a play-off to qualify for the tournament after losing their final group match to Serbia, and a quarter-final exit would not be a shock. But stranger things have happened in knockout tournament football. 
sebzilla fucked around with this message at 13:24 on Nov 11, 2022 |
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Nov 9, 2022 11:35
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No helder postiga leading the line, voted 1 Excited to see ronald physically drag Portugal to the final in his last roll of the dice
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Nov 9, 2022 14:02
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Not a single mention of league MVP and ever smiling phenomenon Rafa Leāo, shameful.    He's been poo poo for the past two matchdays (compared to his own high standards) so I expect him to be fully sick during the tournament.
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Nov 9, 2022 15:26
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Gigi Galli posted:Not a single mention of league MVP and ever smiling phenomenon Rafa Leāo, shameful. That's because Serie A is garbage and nobody cares about it op
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Nov 9, 2022 15:33
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Nov 9, 2022 15:53
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I'm hopeful that Big Ron gets on the field and shits the bed, but the rest of Portugal do okay~~
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Nov 9, 2022 17:30
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sebzilla posted:That's because Serie A is garbage and nobody cares about it op (World Cup) mods
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Nov 10, 2022 14:00
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Gigi Galli posted:(World Cup) mods More like Serie F.
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Nov 10, 2022 14:31
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Gigi Galli posted:(World Cup) mods 
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Nov 10, 2022 14:50
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Nov 10, 2022 16:08
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Please take all Italian football discussion to the Italy World Cup Thread where it belongs. *listening to earpiece* Whoa, you're not gonna believe this. Apparently they lost to North Macedonia who in turn lost to Portugal? How embarrassing.
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Nov 10, 2022 17:09
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My body is ready to see Fernando Santos turn the biggest attacking talent Portugal has ever had into 0-0 performances which will see us either crash out of the group stage or win the whole thing.
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Nov 10, 2022 17:23
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Great OP but Ronaldo has been absoute dogshit this season, unlike Messi. He might still do it for Portugal, who knows, but no one should be too surprised if Portugal crashes out because the team, for all its talents, is mostly carried by him.
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Nov 10, 2022 17:35
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Went to the Chelsea-Milan match at the San Siro and Leão looked pretty good at pushing the pace and attacking the defense, even with no help from a very slow Giroud. João Félix has looked like total poo poo playing for Atleti even against mid-tier La Liga talent so lol if he starts. Otávio has been playing well for Porto, creating a lot of chances for Taremi and Evanilson but I don't know if he'll get much playing time with this squad.
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Nov 10, 2022 19:57
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https://twitter.com/selecaoportugal/status/1590759295523905537 We have the list, Renato Sanches and Moutinho didn't make it, which I think are the bigger surprises. Edit - I'll psot the actual list: - Goalkeepers: Diogo Costa (FC Porto), José Sá (Wolverhampton) e Rui Patrício (Roma). - Defenders: Diogo Dalot (Manchester United), João Cancelo (Manchester City), Pepe (FC Porto), Rúben Dias (Manchester City), Danilo Pereira (Paris Saint-Germain), António Silva (Benfica), Nuno Mendes (Paris Saint-Germain) and Raphaël Guerreiro (Borussia Dortmund). - Midfielders: Palhinha (Fulham), Rúben Neves (Wolverhampton), Bernardo Silva (Manchester City), Bruno Fernandes (Manchester United), João Mário (Benfica), Matheus Nunes (Wolverhampton), Otávio (FC Porto), Vitinha (Paris Saint-Germain) and William Carvalho (Betis). - Forwards: André Silva (Leipzig), Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United), Gonçalo Ramos (Benfica), João Félix (Atlético de Madrid), Rafael Leão (AC Milan) and Ricardo Horta (Braga). Average Lettuce fucked around with this message at 13:14 on Nov 11, 2022 |
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Nov 11, 2022 13:11
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Imagining the multiple phone calls and angry emails from PR firms that led to Ronald being first on the announcement tweet ahead of the goalkeepers
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Nov 11, 2022 13:13
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the sex ghost posted:Imagining the multiple phone calls and angry emails from PR firms that led to Ronald being first on the announcement tweet ahead of the goalkeepers I guess it's because he's the captain.
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Nov 11, 2022 13:14
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That's far more sensible and plausible. Don't like it
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Nov 11, 2022 13:50
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Lol at the clearly photoshoped face of antonio silva. Fernando santos is a fraud of a manager, in more ways than one, and Everyone can see ronald is past it, hes been actively detrimental to our style of play since at least 2018 and where gonna waste the prime of one of our most talented generations because no one knows to just quit gracefully. Cant wait to grind out 0-0 draws amd have diogo costa bail us out in the penalties until the finals.
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Nov 11, 2022 22:05
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Ronnie playing alone up top in a 4-5-1 counter is going to be ugly. Leao and Horta on the wings would help open things up and create some more space for Ronaldo but lol Silva.
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Nov 11, 2022 22:59
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they could have a decent shot if ronald gets injured quickly
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Nov 12, 2022 00:00
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Leao is very good. Portugal should play him with Ronaldo (because they have to play ronaldo) and maybe idk Felix if it’s just Simeone who’s been loving him up and then have Fernandes, Bernardo Silva and Joao Cancelo feed them balls and it would be great. But does Portugal still have the super defensive manager who hates good things? Because that would not help with this strategy. Also, Rui Patricio looked great the other day.
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Nov 12, 2022 05:45
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Let's go Portugal
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Nov 12, 2022 13:11
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Wonder if Ronald will manage to get himself kicked out of the Man Utd squad before the World Cup starts, leaving himself free to channel the special magic of unattached players at major tournaments (see Robson-Kanu, Hal)
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Nov 14, 2022 12:31
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Tuga, caralho!
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Nov 15, 2022 12:14
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Of course Silva plays garbage rear end Felix over Leão on the wing. Mendes and Leão combo on the left wing would be really scary for opposing defenses.
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Nov 17, 2022 20:05
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sebzilla posted:Wonder if Ronald will manage to get himself kicked out of the Man Utd squad before the World Cup starts, leaving himself free to channel the special magic of unattached players at major tournaments (see Robson-Kanu, Hal) And Giorgos Karagounis at Euro 2012
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Nov 18, 2022 17:53
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dunno if this has already been posted but lol
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Nov 18, 2022 20:52
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My guess is Piers Morgan: Uncensored is now the subject of attempts by Ronald’s lawyers to censor it so he doesn’t get totally destroyed in the ensuing lawsuit.
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Nov 18, 2022 21:01
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Manchester United have already hosed him off and are looking to terminate his contract. https://www.theguardian.com/football/2022/nov/18/manchester-united-to-sue-cristiano-ronaldo-and-ban-him-over-interview
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Nov 18, 2022 21:50
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tristeham posted:
they say that good satire threads the needle between "no way this is real" and "holy poo poo this is totally real isn't it" and welp lmao either way
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Nov 19, 2022 00:34
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TBF he's totally right about that Harry Maguire guy, what a hosed up English thing to do lol
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Nov 19, 2022 00:37
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That’s a loving wild anecdote. I thought it would be excusable for health reasons but lol it’s just Harry doesn’t like pasta.
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Nov 19, 2022 00:42
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tristeham posted:
There is no way that is real and I'm not checking because even doing that would make me feel insane
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Nov 19, 2022 10:05
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Pinche Rudo posted:Of course Silva plays garbage rear end Felix over Leão on the wing. Mendes and Leão combo on the left wing would be really scary for opposing defenses. This post aged like fine wine after the nigeria game 
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Nov 20, 2022 22:35
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tristeham posted:
Lmfao
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Nov 20, 2022 22:43
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Gone-aldo https://twitter.com/FabrizioRomano/status/1595108144862343168
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Nov 22, 2022 18:38
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Fingers crossed for a spectacular flame-out in the group stage for Portugal.
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Nov 22, 2022 18:46
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i hope big ron keeps chatting poo poo until he gets booted out of the portugal squad too
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Nov 24, 2022 08:26
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Gigi Galli posted:(World Cup) mods I remember when we were all world cup mods...
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